Total Highschool Drama
by The Nerdinator
Summary: Highschool AU. A washed-up reality TV host calls for 84 students to participate in a mad-dash race for one million dollars. At first, Noah is more than ready to get away from the idiots he's had to deal with all his life. That is, until a new transfer named Emma asks him to form an alliance with her.
1. An Introduction

The scene opened to a stage, behind which stood a set of red curtains. People in the audience buzzed in anticipation while the orchestra tuned.

Suddenly, the music ceased, and the audience hushed.

A teenage goth girl walked onto the stage, stopping at a podium located in the middle. Pulling out some paper, she began to speak.

"Hello," she said dryly. "Welcome to another addition to Nerdinator Studios' Secret Bookshelf. Before we begin, I need to make the following announcement. Under the Copyright Act of – Courtney, do I really have to read this?"

"Uh, duh!" came a shrill voice from stage left. A Hispanic girl holding a PDA glared back at the goth. "We need to have the disclaimer or we'll get in legal trouble!"

"Y'know, a lot of writers don't even bother with this."

"Gwen, just shut up and read the stupid speech!"

Gwen sighed and began to throw out pages from the stack. "Blah blah blah blah BLAH, long story short, Nerdinator Studios only owns the plot of this fanfiction. All characters belong to Fresh TV and the creators of Total Drama. We thank you for your valuable contributions, although seriously, what the freak was with All-Stars?! That season sucked trash!"

"I know! It would've been much better if the Sha-Lightning had stayed!" came a voice from the audience.

"No one CARES, Brightning," a voice behind him snarked.

Gwen pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "I'm surrounded by idiots. Now I know how Noah feels," she muttered. She cleared her throat. "Also, be aware that the stunts being performed in this work are done by animated teens. We're Toons. Serious injuries are not our thing. Silly ones, yes. But you the reader are most likely NOT a Toon, and therefore if you do ANY of these crazy stunts, you WILL die. **Do. Not. Try. This. At. Home.** Seriously, you could get pretty messed up.

"We'd like to thank everyone who makes these fanfictions possible. Our donors from OCLive, the Northeastern Fanficking Union, and of course, Mr. Nerdinator for his valuable literary contributions and for his campaign for better treatment of Toons across Hyperverse 2 of the Omniverse.

"Now, without further ado...

"TOTAL! HIGHSCHOOL! DRAMA!"

The audience clapped as Gwen left the stage, the curtains lifted, and a familiar song began to play.


	2. First Day of School

_Somewhere in Canada..._

An Indian-Canadian woman left the dining room table and began to climb the stairs. She passed by the second floor on her way to the third. On either side of the narrow hallway was a bedroom. One had the photographs of four muscular boys hung on the door; the other followed suit, but here the people in the photographs were girls.

Finally, the woman reached the third floor, where the bedroom she shared with her husband stood right at the banister, and on the far end was the last bedroom. Instead of an impressive photo of an intimidating kid hanging on the door, a piece of paper with a crudely-drawn stick figure with "DOOFUS" written above it (though the "F" was backwards) drawn on was taped to the door.

"Noah!" the woman barked. "It's the first day of school, and breakfast is ready! Get your skinny behind down here!" Then she went back downstairs.

The door opened, and a lanky boy stepped out, dressed in a gray t-shirt, green cargo shorts, and dull green sneakers.

"Great," Noah said, clearly disinterested. "Eleventh grade. Whoever wrote 'The Good Eleven' obviously lived in a fantasy." He went back in, fetched his backpack and a copy of _Wuthering Heights_ , and went downstairs to join his mother.

* * *

Some time later, Noah was waiting at his bus stop. The sun beat down, and Noah struggled to stay standing.

"I swear, these backpacks get heavier every year," Noah grumbled.

"Noah! Hey there, little buddy!" came a jolly voice, and soon Noah was in the vice-like grip of an overweight blonde boy.

"Good to – _urk_ – see you too, Owen," Noah grunted. "Mind setting me down?"

"Oh, heh heh, sorry," Owen apologized, dropping him. "I don't really know my own strength."

"And I do," Noah replied, getting up and rubbing his sore butt. "Seriously dude, you need to be more gentle with people. Not all of us have seventy pounds of shock absorption."

"Izzy doesn't seem to mind it."

"Izzy is also practically immortal, though," Noah pointed out.

"You bet I am!" came a psychotic voice as a red-haired girl in a green dress burst from Noah's backpack. "The Izzy cannot be stopped! NEVAH!"

"So _that's_ why my backpack was so heavy," Noah concluded. "But how did you fit in there?"

"Grit, spit, and a whooooooole lotta butter," Izzy replied cheerfully, showing him the grease on her arms. "Speaking of which, hey Owen, wanna lick the butter off me?" she added seductively.

"I really shouldn't...my doctor put me on a new eating and exercise program," Owen said, blushing a little.

"Yeah, and I DON'T want to explain to the police why you two were naked in public for the thirty-second time this year," Noah said, a bit grossed out. After fixing his backpack and retrieving his stuff, he waited for the bus with his friends.

* * *

"Ugh! I can't believe I'm still in the same dumb advisory as these losers!" a half-Chinese girl dressed in dull red groaned as she entered the classroom Noah, Owen, and Izzy were in.

"Hello to you too, Heather," Noah muttered to himself. While there were some in his homeroom he liked (Owen, Izzy, Eva, Cody), there were also those he didn't like (in other words, everyone else).

"No worries, _señorita_ , I am in this boat with you," a tanned Spaniard, Heather's on-and-off boyfriend Alejandro, said. Heather scoffed and walked away from him to her seat.

"Hey Al!" Owen said happily.

Alejandro flinched involuntarily, but calmed down. "Hello Owen. Izzy. Noah," he said to the three, who were sitting in the back of the room.

Noah grimaced a little while the others waved at him. Alejandro took his seat in the front.

"Tyler's back! To the EXTREME!" a boy in a red tracksuit and matching bandana said as he entered.

Tyler was then roughly shoved out of the way by a punk with a green mohawk and too many piercings. "Move it, dorkus!" he snarled. "Some of us have places to be!"

"Ow," Tyler, who'd ended up with a desk wedged in his stomach, winced. Alejandro, the owner of said desk, rolled his eyes.

"Duncan! You can't just push people around! You have to be more patient!" a shrill-voiced Hispanic girl who was with the punk exclaimed.

"Princess, a word of advice," Duncan said. "Nice doesn't get the job done. You have to be tough or everyone will walk over you."

"For once," said a brawny girl with a unibrow as she entered the classroom, "I agree with Duncan."

Tyler recovered and stood up, just in time to see a blonde girl with very big you-know-whats appear behind Eva. "Linds! Oh, am I glad to see you," Tyler said happily.

"Hey Taylor!" Lindsay chirped. "Or is it Tyson? I don't remember."

"Not important," Tyler said, beginning to walk over to her. "What is is–"

"Hey!" Heather snapped, stepping in front of him. "You know the rules. Misfits go in the back of the room."

"But–"

" **The back**."

"Come on, Tyler," Eva said. "Let's not waste our time on these morons." Tyler gave in and joined Noah, Owen, and Izzy in the back.

"How was your summer?" Noah said, not even bothering to look up from his book.

"I won two marathons," Eva said.

"Good for you."

"Is that genuine, or not?"

"No, no, it is."

Eva allowed a small smile to appear on her face. "Thank you."

"Wow, great job, Eva," Tyler said. "I wanted to do a marathon too. Then I faceplanted onto the treadmill, and that was the end of that."

"Don't worry, Tyler," Owen said. "I believe in you."

"I don't think Tyler's worried if _you_ believe in him," Noah remarked, looking up briefly to see Lindsay call the Hispanic girl "Clara", to which she was rebuked with a loud "MY NAME IS [f-ing word] COURTNEY!" "Yeah, good luck telling Princess Airbrain you like her," Noah finished, going back to his book.

"Princess Airbrain? That's a new one," a teal-haired goth said, taking her seat in front of Noah, along with an African-Canadian girl and a blonde girl with yellowish eyes. Unbeknownst to them, Duncan briefly eyed the goth while Courtney wasn't looking.

"Well, Gwen, if you want to insult someone's intelligence, it's best if you do so while promoting your own."

"I don't think you should call anyone dumb, though," the blonde said cautiously.

"Bridgette, I appreciate your concern, but you're talking about overriding human nature here. It can't be done."

"Now that's the kinda 'tude I like," Leshawna chuckled, while Bridgette sighed.

"You stoked for this year, Deej?" asked a boy wearing a pink shirt (unbuttoned to show off his bare chest) and a cowboy hat asked.

"You bet I am," a big Jamaican replied happily. "This year's gonna be great, Geoff. I can feel it. This year I'll finally find someone who loves animals as much as me!"

"How have he and Dawn not met yet?" Leshawna whispered while Geoff reunited with Bridgette.

"Honestly, I'm just surprised as you," Gwen laughed. "They'd be perfect for each other. I wonder what's kept them apart."

Noah cleared his throat. Gwen turned around and saw Owen eating an omelette bigger than his head, Izzy chasing after a random piece of dust, Eva easily beating Tyler in an arm-wrestling contest, and a short girl who'd just walked in, Beth, starting next month's homework.

"Oh yeah, she hangs with you guys," Gwen remembered.

"No one else wanted her," Noah snarked.

"Drama Brothers in the house!" came the voice of a suave Hawaiian, flanked by three much scrawnier boys. Behind them, two girls in matching outfits but different physiques sighed dreamily at his voice.

"Justin, no one gives a rat's," Heather growled. Justin shrugged and sat down, then flashed a smile at the twinning Katie and Sadie, who squealed excitedly.

"We _did_ get an actual rat at a concert once," one of the other members of the band, who had a gap in his teeth, laughed. "But that's not the weirdest thing we've gotten from loony fans. The weirdest–"

"CODY!"

Cody sighed, while Harold and Trent took cover behind Owen. "Came from her."

A tall girl with surprisingly purple hair jumped into the room, bowled over Heather and Courtney, and aggressively hugged Cody. "OMG Cody, we're together again!"

"Woopee," Cody groaned.

"And you stay away from him, homewrecker!" Sierra hissed at Gwen, whose eyes widened in fear.

"Sierra, calm down. Cody may have had a crush on Gwen during middle school, but I'm sure he's moved on," Trent said as he sat next to Gwen. "You HAVE moved on, right?" he asked Cody.

"Yeah, I got over Gwen a while ago," Cody muttered. "No one lets me forget it, though, but who cares about what I think?"

Harold sat near Duncan. "One peep out of you and you're history," Duncan snarled.

"O-okay..." Harold said meekly. "...gosh..."

The room hushed when their teacher came in. He was a middle-aged man, with slowly-graying light brown hair. The plaque on his desk read DON MAIMON, TEACHER.

"Hey everyone," Don said. "Welcome back to Pahkitew High. First off, attendance. Cody Anderson?"

"Here."

"Alejandro Burromuerto?"

Once the snickers subsided, "Here."

"Eva Carloff?"

"Here."

"Izzy Daviau?"

"Boo!" Izzy said, appearing behind him. Don shrieked while the class laughed.

Don regained his composure and continued. "Trent Gagnon?"

"Here."

"Heather Green?"

"Here."

"Tyler Harrington?"

"Here."

"Bridgette Henderson?"

"Here."

"Beth Jackson?"

"Here."

"DJ?"

"Here."

"Sierra Laubach?"

"Present, Mr. Maimon!" Sierra chirped, still clinging to Cody's face.

"Justin Maheloma?"

"Here."

"Owen Martins?"

"Here."

"Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V?"

"Here."

"Katie Mendel?"

"Here."

"Lindsay Northern?"

Silence.

"Psst, Lindsay, that's you," Bridgette reminded her.

"Oh! I'm here. I think..."

Don sighed. "Leshawna Peters?"

"Here."

"Duncan Rothschild?"

"Here."

"Sadie Ruest?"

"Here."

"Gwen Sevillle?"

"Here."

"Courtney Silveria?"

"Here."

"Geoff van Lawson?"

"Here, brah!"

"Noah Wodeyar?"

"Here," Noah finished, still reading his book.

"I do have some announcements," Don continued. "So pay attention. Geoff, button your shirt, that's not school-appropriate. Duncan, stop leering at Harold like you're going to maim him, you don't want to go back to juvie. Lindsay, I'm over here, there you go. Izzy, whatever you're thinking about doing, please stop thinking it. Owen, you're getting crumbs on the floor, you're going to have to clean those up. Sierra, get off of Cody, that's sexual harassment."

"Aww," Sierra pouted, going back to her seat.

"Thank you," Cody breathed.

"Think nothing of it," Don reassured him. "First off, we have a new student. His name is Ezekiel Calhoun, and he's been homeschooled for all his life, so be nice."

"Check it!" a skinny, pale boy dressed in farm clothing said as he came into the room. "The Zeke is here, eh! Ready to rock this school like there's no tomorrow!"

"Sit in the back with the Misfits," Heather replied quickly. "You belong with them."

Zeke was confused. "Don't argue with Heather, just do what she says," Eva explained. Zeke, noticing Heather's angry glare burning into him, quickly complied and scrambled to the back of the room and sat next to Beth.

"Heather...just no," Don said sternly. "Anyway, next order of business. Winter formal is in a few months, so start preparing now. The environmental club starts meeting this Thursday, so Bridgette, DJ, and anyone else interested, write it down. Also, the results of the vote for Class President came in, and the winner is...Courtney."

"YES!" Courtney screamed. "Finally, the school realizes my leadership potential!"

"You rigged the votes, didn't you?" Alejandro whispered to Heather.

"It was either that or listen to her [b word] the whole year," Heather whispered back, smiling.

"I like the way you think."

Don secretly heard them, but figured it was best to leave Courtney happy. "Last but not least, we've got a football game against Heron High this Saturday, so be ready."

"I'm playing in that!" Tyler called from the back.

"Great! I hope I get to see you!" Don said.

"Mess up," Duncan added under his breath.

"Anyway, that's all I've got. The bell's going to ring soon, so get ready for your next class."

After a few minutes, the bell dinged. "And you're off!" Don said as the kids scrambled out to their first period classes.

* * *

As Noah tried to avoid getting crushed by the other, bigger kids in the hallway, he happened to notice someone emerge from the classroom next to his. A Chinese girl, wearing a blue dress and wedge heels. She had a sullen expression on her face that brought out her big black eyes.

"Huh," Noah said to himself. "I don't remember seeing her before. Must be new." His mind quickly moved to other things, and he left.

Little did he know he'd just seen the love of his life.


	3. Lunch

Hours later, it was time for lunch.

"Oh boy, lunch!" Owen exclaimed. "I'm famished!"

"You ate a three-foot club sandwich literally twenty minutes ago," a British-accented girl with red hair in a bun pointed out.

"For someone of your IQ, you're surprisingly unfamiliar with Owen's metabolism," Noah retorted.

Scarlett conceded Noah was right, and they and the rest of the school marched into the cafeteria. Except for Owen, that is, who was held back by three campus aides.

"But I need it," Owen sobbed.

"So does the rest of the school," one of the aides reminded him. "You can go in once everyone else gets their food."

Owen sighed. The campus aides put up a divider in front of him, then left.

"Psst!"

Owen turned and saw a ninth-grade Chinese girl with two ponytails approach him. "Hey, the cafeteria workers gave me two sandwiches by mistake. You can have the other one."

"Oh, thank you!" Owen said happily. The girl tossed him the sandwich. "Say, I don't remember seeing you in town," he said whilst eating.

"Yeah, my family just moved here," the girl smiled. She put out her hand. "Kitsune. Kitty for short. I know I'm Chinese and not Japanese, but my parents liked the name, and whoops, I'm rambling again."

Owen laughed and shook her hand. "Owen. It's so nice to meet you. Have you figured out where to go yet?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's talking about the way our groups work," came a voice. Kitty turned to see a blonde girl in a purple tank top and black shorts. "We have a lot of cliques here, so it's best if you got a run-down. See that group over there?"

"The one with that couple in pink?"

"Yeah, that's Jacques and Josee's group. Theirs is the most powerful in our grade. But some other people want that power." The girl pointed to Heather, who was arguing with a tanned brunette. "That's Heather. Head of one of the most aggressive cliques in school. And over there is her sworn enemy, Taylor, who has her own clique as well. That table of guys is led by Alejandro and is next in the pecking order. Then we have the Athletes–"

She pointed to a table filled with muscular boys and girls, plus a short Amerindian,

"–the Geeks–" she pointed to a table where Cody, Harold, and some others were talking about quantum physics,

"–the Crew–" she pointed to where Leshawna and some other African-Canadian girls were hanging out,

"–the Goths–" she pointed to a gloomy table where Gwen and some others stared moodlessly into the world,

"–some other ones too small to even mention–" she gestured at various places in the cafeteria,

"–and last of all, there's the Misfits." She pointed to a table in the back of the cafeteria. Tyler was going to take a seat when he tripped over an errant backpack, knocking over identical twin boys who had a lot of bandages covering their bodies. Eva sighed and began to untangle them.

"Misfits?" Kitty asked.

"It's a catch-all," Owen explained. "Anyone the cliques don't want, like me, end up there. Everyone starts there, really, the cliques just...pick you up later."

"Not all the time, though," the blonde girl reminded him. "I've never been asked to sit with the other groups. It's really sad, too, because that means I can't sit with Devin..."

"Friend of yours?"

"Yeah," the blonde sighed dreamily. "My best friend." She looked forlornly at a Korean boy talking with Jacques, the latter easily identifiable by his massive pompadour.

"Well...thanks anyways," Kitty said finally. "You're going to be a big help for me and my sister. What's your name?"

"Carrie."

"Okay, Carrie, I'll catch you later. Ooh, wait before we go–" she pulled out her phone and grabbed Owen and Carrie. "Selfie!" The flash went off.

Carrie left, and eventually Owen was let into the cafeteria. Kitty chuckled while Owen mobbed what food remained.

"Kitty!" Kitty saw her sister, the girl Noah had seen earlier, march towards her. "Where were you?!"

"Just talking to Carrie and Owen," Kitty replied. "Come on, Emma, lighten up. Make some new friends already."

"Kitty, we can't afford to make friends," Emma growled. "Remember what happened the last time we made 'friends'?!"

"You were dumped by Jake in front of everyone, yes, I was there too," Kitty deadpanned. "But cutting yourself off from everyone isn't good for you. You know that."

Emma sighed. "Okay. So who do we sit with? Not everyone's willing to start new friendships outside their established ones."

"Well," Kitty said, eying the back of the cafeteria, "we can always start with the Misfits..."


	4. Warning

_The next day_

The phone rang. "Hello? Yes? Okay, I'll send them down." The math teacher set the phone down. "Noah? Owen?" she asked. "The principal would like to see you."

Noah and Owen looked up from their assignment. "What for?" Noah asked Owen.

"I dunno. Izzy's been behaving really well today," Owen replied, pointing to his girlfriend, who was quietly doing her classwork.

"Let's just get this over with."

* * *

Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran (her birth name was Mildred, but she changed it during college) was the principal of Pahkitew High. Not that she wanted to be. She hated kids and really wanted to do reality TV, but her parents said otherwise and pushed her into education. Then corruption among her higher-ups had launched a then-recently-certified Blaineley all the way to the top.

"Noah. Owen," she said when the boys came, not even bothering to look up from her phone. "Sit."

They did.

"Do you know why you're here?"

"No," Noah said. "We were hoping you knew."

"Yesterday, our security cameras saw a girl sitting at your lunch table."

"Which girl? There's a lot of them in the misfits."

"Yeah. There's Eva, Dawn, Ella, Carrie, Beth, Izzy, Sanders and MacArthur," Owen listed on his fingers. "...what were their first names again?"

Blaineley sighed. "This one. Emma Xin. Just transferred here from Turtle Creek High." She pulled out Emma's student ID photo and showed them.

Noah immediately recognized her, but didn't show it. "And?"

"Emma has the makings of a very popular girl," Blaineley replied, drawing level with them. "And left to her own devices, she would be. But YOUR group isn't very popular and will never amount to anything."

"Define 'anything'," Noah smirked. Owen chuckled.

Blaineley suddenly got up in their faces. "You two are more or less the leaders of your little group. I want you to stay away from Emma. Fail to do that, and you _**will**_ get in trouble. I'll make sure of it."

Noah and Owen gulped nervously.

"Now go!"

* * *

As Noah and Owen walked back to class, the former muttered, "Big Brother, much, Blaineley? Or should I say, _Mildred_?"

"Don't say that! They could hear you!" Owen admonished.

"Security cameras record images, not sounds."

"Oh. Heh heh. So what are you going to do about the thing?"

"Normally I'm all for disrespecting authority when it disrespects me, but this time it threatens my college career. I'm going to lie low."

"Good idea."

Noah scoffed to himself. "Besides, if this is the kind of treatment Emma wants, she's just not worth it."

Owen looked at his friend, concerned, but decided to drop it. They finished their walk back to class in silence.

* * *

That afternoon, Noah came home to find his mother, Lakshmi Wodeyar, at the dining-room table. "How was school?" she asked.

"Standard."

"Not anymore. You got something in the mail." She showed him a slip of paper. It read WHOEVER THIS PAPER IS ADDRESSED TO MUST SIGN THEIR NAME AND RETURN IT TO PAHKITEW HIGH BY SEPTEMBER 7th. DON'T MISS OUT ON THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME.

"This could be very good for you. I might finally get you to go to Summer Fun Inc. and get you to do sports like your siblings."

"Mom, I am NOT my siblings."

"Just sign the paper."

Noah did, but little did he know he wasn't the only person who got one.

 _Cue montage music._

* * *

"This better not be a sick prank, José," Alejandro growled as he signed it.

* * *

"Maybe this'll be fun," a red-haired girl said. She wrote ZOEY on the line for her name.

* * *

"Anything to get away from Sierra," Cody reasoned.

* * *

"Anything to get close to Cody's cute lil' butt!" Sierra fantasized.

* * *

"Whatever," Duncan said apathetically, signing it without giving it much thought. Behind him, his father shook his head in disappointment.

* * *

An Italian boy wrote his name on the slip. Then he gasped, changed his facial expression, and wrote his name again. This happened three more times until he returned to normal.

Now the name line read MIKE, CHESTER, SVETLANA, VITO, MANITOBA

"Seriously, guys?" Mike groaned to his other selves.

* * *

"SIDEKICK! I mean, girlfriend! What is the meaning behind this?!"

Scarlett looked up from a laser-thingy and at a short, again somehow purple-haired boy. "That is a permission slip. Purpose currently unknown. Signing is a requirement. I also received one."

"Maybe it will let me do EVIL!" Max realized. He then quickly wrote his name on it.

Scarlett chuckled. "You and your wannabe villainous ways."

"In real life, the bad guys always win. And I want to get OUT of that dump I call home."

"You have a point. How long have the rats had a civilization?"

"Since we tested the civilization pills on them."

"Oh, right, I forgot about those."

* * *

"I think I can manage this," Trent said.

* * *

"How do I spell my name again?" Lindsay pondered.

* * *

"We are NOT signing this," Emma grumbled.

"Yes, we are," Kitty replied. Emma gave in and signed her slip.

* * *

"Daddy, wherever you are, I'm gonna make you proud! You too, Mama!" DJ said after signing his.

"I'm right here," his mother deadpanned.

* * *

"I don't even need my powers to know I'm going to have a good time," a wraith-y short girl said. She signed her name DAWN, CHILD OF GAIA.

* * *

Tyler fumbled with his pen.

* * *

"Drop dead, Samey! I'm going to this special occasion and you AREN'T!"

"I got one of these too, y'know."

The identical twin blonde girls glared at each other.

Amy (the one with a mole on her cheek) was the mean one. Sammy (the one without a face mole) was the (usually) nice one.

Don't get them confused.

* * *

"Okay, and done," Devin said, finishing signing his name. "I hope Carrie got one of these. Shelley'd probably not want to go." He sighed. "Why am I even dating her? Besides Jacques telling me to, I mean."

* * *

"Izzy cannot WAIT to do this!" Izzy cackled.

* * *

"Dude! You got one too?" Geoff asked a Hispanic boy.

"Yeah! We're both going! Maybe everyone's going. Oh, this would be the perfect chance to ask out that hot police chick! Y'know, the one with the killer glutes?"

"Brody, that'd be so cool for you! I support ya, bro!"

* * *

"Time to show everyone what the Zeke is aboot, eh!" Zeke paused in thought. "Now what?"

* * *

"Oh, I'm so excited!" Katie exclaimed.

* * *

"This is going to be _magnifique_!" Josee squealed in happiness.

 _End montage music._

* * *

"...eighty-two...eighty-three...eighty-four." Blaineley mopped her brow. Eighty-four of the mysterious slips of paper littered her desk. "Phew. Counting is such hard work. I don't think the vice principal would mind if I took a teensy little me break."

"I would," someone growled from behind her. Blaineley jumped and turned around. A massive African-Canadian dressed like a cook, white hat on his bald head, towered over her. "I see you have the papers," he said, "and you seem to have them all."

"I do," Blaineley replied. The man produced a box which Blaineley began to fill with the papers. "And don't sneak up on me like that! I can NOT get wrinkles at my age."

"But you're thirty-eight."

"I'M THIRTY!"

"Yeah, keep tellin' yourself that." The box was full. "Thanks for your cooperation."

"You're welcome. Say hi to my husband for me!" She flashed a smile.

* * *

The man, a Mr. Brian "Chef" Hatchet, got into his car and left the school parking lot as quickly as he'd come into it. On the highway, he looked at the box, which was now locked shut and sat in the passenger seat next to him.

"I knew I shoulda stayed an accountant," Chef grumbled. "Pretty boy, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

The car hit a bump. The box shifted, revealing a keychain on the lock. Printed on it was a picture of a middle-aged man with greasy black hair and black beady eyes that spoke of an insidious, sinister plan.

"For everyone's sake."


	5. It Begins

_The last day of the school week_

Emma sighed. It was a gray September morning, and she felt out of it. Spanish had never been her strong suit; she was at least thankful the teacher was out, giving the class a study hall. But Trent could tell something else was bothering her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Like you would care."

"You'd be surprised by how much I do, regardless of whether I know you. So what's the trouble?"

Emma looked Trent over, decided he could be trusted enough, and began. "Two days ago, Mrs. O'Halloran called my sister and I into her office. She said that she didn't want us hanging around the Misfits anymore, and we'd get in trouble if we disobeyed her." She put her head down. "Why, every time I try to make friends, something bad happens to me?"

"Not much I can do about Blaineley," Trent admitted. "She's narrow-minded, elitist, and so vain she puts Anne Maria to shame."

"I HEARD DAT!" someone yelled from the other side of the room.

Trent quickly dodged an incoming can of hairspray. After he recovered, he continued. "Blaineley comes from a world where the lines between cliques and the freaks were well-defined. But the cliques come with strings attached, rules and social norms that dictate everything the members do."

"What about the Misfits?" Emma asked, picking up her head.

"No dice. They're too diverse for the rules of social groups to apply, and as a result they don't have any. And that's proving to make them very popular with new kids. People are starting to find that, hey, I like this freedom these guys offer, they don't care if I'm weird, they are too."

"And Blaineley's afraid of that?"

"Deathly. I've heard her babble about a future when the lines between groups cease to exist. Or as she puts it, the day when the jock and the joke are of equal standing."

"So she was trying to keep me from empowering them to satisfy her ridiculous little cult," Emma finished, angry. "That [b word]. Who gave her the authority to do that? Not me. When I graduate, I'm going to sue her."

"Ooh, ambitious."

Emma sighed. "Oh, who am I kidding?! It'd take a miracle to get me out from under her."

"EVERYONE WHO RECEIVED A SLIP OF PAPER IN THE MAIL WEDNESDAY, PLEASE REPORT TO THE AUDITORIUM," the loudspeaker system boomed with an unfamiliar voice. "THAT MEANS MOVE YOUR BE-HINDS, MAGGOTS!"

"You were saying about a miracle?" Trent asked as he, Emma, and the girl named Anne Maria left the room (the latter not before retrieving her hairspray).

"Shut up, Trent."

* * *

The auditorium began to pile in students.

"Cameron! Sam! Glad we're going to wherever it is together," Cody said smoothly to an overweight boy with curly reddish-brown hair and a skinny African-Canadian kid in a hoodie, both of whom were wearing glasses, as he walked through the seats. "Tom and Jen, looking great as always," he said to two very sharply-dressed teens, who smiled back. Then Cody stopped walking, and he stopped smiling. "Sierra...you're here..."

"I know! Isn't this great, Codykins?!" Sierra exclaimed.

"Please don't call me that," Cody sighed to himself.

Gwen looked around. "I wish I had more of my friends here," she sighed, referring to her fellow goth girls, "but at least I have some," she added in Leshawna's direction.

"You got that right, sister!" Leshawna said happily. A girl who looked somewhat like her, Leshawna's older cousin Leshaniqua, nodded in agreement.

Noah briefly looked up from _The Great Gatsby_. "Sure are a lot of people," he said, then he went back to his book.

"WHEE!" Izzy squealed happily as she flew through the air, having jumped off the balcony in the auditorium. She landed on Eva's head.

"DAAAAAH GET IT OFF!" Eva shrieked.

A short-haired girl in a gray hoodie scoffed. "And I thought you were tougher than that," Jo chided. Eva growled at her.

"Fight, fight, fight, fight," Izzy chanted from Eva's head.

"CAN IT, IZZY!" both of the brawny girls roared, scaring Izzy away.

"It's my seat! I was here first!" an Italian boy with messy hair snapped at a pudgy, lighter-skinned boy, who had beaten him to the last open seat in the front row.

"No, I had dibs!"

"You just got here!"

"I dibbed it last year!"

"BOYS! Settle down!" an Indian girl wearing glasses snapped at them. Next to her, a taller white girl, also wearing glasses, shook her head in disapproval.

Chet and Lorenzo gulped. "Yes Mary and Ellody...sorry Mary and Ellody."

Mary grabbed Lorenzo's arm and dragged her boyfriend away. Ellody shook her head at Chet and sat down behind him.

"So much tension," Dawn noted sadly. "Chet and Lorenzo's auras are not in proper alignment. I can only hope they can fix their issues soon."

"And I can only hope you shut up and stop yakking about that aura nonsense!" a red-haired boy growled at her.

Dawn turned away from Scott. No one noticed, but she shed a single tear.

"Is there going to be cake?" Owen asked Tyler.

"I dunno. Aw man, now all I can think about is cake."

Owen giggled. "I know, right?"

Emma sat behind a tall Australian aboriginal girl. "Um, excuse me? I can't see."

Jasmine T. turned around. "Oh, sorry. Didn't see you. I'll crouch down for you." She did.

"Everybody! Stop talking, please! And put away yo' e-lec-tronic devices, they'll distract from the performance!" the voice from earlier bellowed. The room grew quiet.

"...and that's when the wolf was all like, _grawsnargleblah_ -" It was then that the blonde rocker noticed everyone was staring at him. "What?"

"Rock," Noah said, putting his book down. "Today's supplier of the obligatory stupid-statement-when-everyone-stops-talking."

Silence.

Then everybody laughed, save a very heavily goth couple, although they did allow small smiles. Even the voice chuckled, before someone behind him elbowed him. "Ow! Okay, okay." He cleared his throat. "Please hold all applause until the end."

A band came out. After setting themselves up, they began to play.

 _Tell Mom and Dad you're doing fine_

 _That those two are on your mind_

 _You told me what you wanted to be_

 _And I think it's very plain to see_

 _You're gonna be famous_

 _*Instrumental*_

 _You want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause we've just begun_

 _Everything to prove, nothing in your way_

 _You'll get there today_

 _'Cuz you're gonna be famous_

"Wait a minute," Noah said. "I know this song."

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

 _You're gonna be, You're gonna be, You're gonna be famous_

 _You're gonna be, You're gonna be, You're gonna be famous._

 _*Whistling*_

Then there was a dramatic crash, and a middle-aged man with greasy black hair, stubble, and black beady eyes slid onto the stage on his knees. "Epic, right?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

The crowd erupted into cheers. Chef came from behind the stage. "You got them hooked. Now explain to them what the frick this is," Chef reminded him.

"Good call, Chef ol' pal." The man got up and cleared his throat. "Greetings everyone! Does anyone know who I am?"

"You're Chris McLean!" Sierra squealed. "Only the best reality TV host of the 2000s ever! I'm your biggest fan."

"No way!" said a boy who looked like a younger version of Don. "I'm his biggest fan! And rightfully so, my dad used to write for him!"

Chris' eye twitched. "Yeah...let me tell you something about writers. They kinda ruined my career. One of my hit TV shows, Fear Tractor, suffered a sharp decline in writing quality come the 9th season. The network cancelled it after five episodes and then ditched me." He sighed. "And that's when I vowed: never again. The writers held back my genius."

"So what are you gonna do?" Duncan asked skeptically.

"No, what _you're_ gonna do," Chris corrected. "I've devised a completely writer-free show. That's right, the actions of the cast will be determined by the cast themselves. And you get to be the cast."

"Genius!" the fanboy, Topher, exclaimed.

"Thanks! The Drama Network thought so too and picked it up. Now, we're going to go to Wawanakwa Island, Lake Huron and have ourselves some fun! Any questions?"

"Why us?" Courtney asked.

"One, because your age group makes for better ratings, since you're still trying to figure out your identities and junk. Two, my wife is the principal of this school, so finding eighty-four contestants was a cinch." Chris smiled. "Hi honey!"

"Hey babes!" Blaineley said as she walked onstage. She and Chris began to make out.

"Aww," Sierra cooed.

"Oh my gag, ew! Old people love!" Amy cringed.

"For once I agree," Sammy muttered to herself.

The adults stopped, and Chris resumed his speech. "Joining me is my good pal and former finance manager, Chef Hatchet. War vet and the camp's cook. You'll be getting his food on a regular basis."

"Hope ya like slop," Chef grunted.

"Also, what about our schoolwork?" Emma asked.

"She's got a good point, what about our work?" Beth added.

"There will be two days between challenges to get that done," Chris explained. "It's complicated. So what do you kids say? Are you in? Ready to win...one million dollars?"

"Sha-bam! The Lightning is all about winnin' a million!" a muscular football player said from the audience.

"IF SHA-DORK-FACE WANTS THE MILLION, SO DO WE!" roared most of the rest of the kids.

Chris paused to fix his hair, while the musicians recovered from being knocked over by the force of the voices. "Okay! We're doing this! Go home, pack your stuff, and be sure to bring sneakers, we're going to be running all over that island. Be at Wawanakwa Island next Sunday and be ready to compete in

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

"Wait, wasn't Wawanakwa the site of a nuclear waste dump?" Bridgette realized.


	6. 1-1: Not-so Happy Campers

**Review time!**

 **Yeezynight14: Asia is a big continent, so I felt I needed to include a little more specificity for Heather's ethnicity. The censoring for curses is insurance against younger readers who probably shouldn't be reading T-rated stories; the letter the word starts with is put there for older readers who don't need the censoring. But yes, it will be good. Methinks my writing is of a higher caliber than a lot of writing I've seen for this fandom (I don't know about you because I'm not seeing any stories under your name).**

 **That Turtle Chick: Thank you!**

 **Great Idea Alert: Alas, Zeke will be going feral, as this story is a mashup of all seven (and soon to be eight) seasons of Total Drama. However, it will be handled much better than the canon did, and Zeke will get a proper chance at competing. Codammy will also feature in this story, as it is my STP (Secondary True Pairing) after Nemma.**

 **That British Guy: Thanks!**

 **What The Heck: Blaineley is the kind of person who would do stupid crap to students because she herself is stupid and immature; after all, she explicitly does not want to be there. Heather and Emma don't share any classes, and Courtney being in Heather's clique basically makes Emma redundant, so that scenario is out. And besides, Total Drama itself is full of ridiculous scenarios, and mine did not come close to the most ridiculous thing the canon offered. So yeah.**

* * *

 _Sunday, September 10, 2017_

"Welcome to Total Drama!" Chris said to the camera. "We're here at Wawanakwa Island, Lake Ontario for the newest hot reality show. Eighty-four students from Pahkitew High volunteered to compete for one million dollars. I know, kids, right? This show is completely writer-free, meaning that everything here is NOT scripted, and everything is genuine. Friendships will be born and will die. So will romances. Who will drop by and stay a while, and who will be carried away to the Dock of Shame? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of strange blue and pink flowers, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

"We have a lot of places here," Chris began. "An outhouse confessional to confess your sins" [pan to an outhouse] "a cafeteria to eat in" [pan to said cafeteria, where Chef stood over a pot of brown goo] "and cabins to sleep in. The team who wins the day's challenge gets to stay in the good cabin" [pan to a cabin much more well-maintained than the other nine] "and the one that loses votes the load off the island.

"Since we have eighty-four contestants, we don't have time to properly introduce them all," Chris explained. "But you will get their names, because I'm breaking them up into teams, teams which will change for each challenge." Pan out to reveal seven rows of chairs. Each row was a different color. "We start our journey with seven teams of twelve apiece. Once I've chosen the captains, they will choose one person, then that person chooses someone, and so on until we run out of people.

"Owen! You will lead...the _Red Robins_!"

The obligatory "Yummmm!" soundbite came from the audience.

"Where did that come from?" Chris asked, scratching his head. Pan to a boy with a beard and a massive afro snickering to himself.

Owen sat in the first seat of the first row, which had red chairs.

"Beth! You will lead...the _Orange Ocelots_!"

Beth sat behind him.

"Heather! You will lead...the _Yellow Yaks_!

"Cameron! You will lead...the _Green Gators_!

"Zoey! You will lead...the _Cyan Sharks!_ "

"Sharks?!" Scott looked concerned.

* * *

 **First Confessional – Scott.**

"I got attacked by a shark during summer break in ninth grade," Scott explained. "Had a phobia of them ever since. At least there aren't any real sharks here."

* * *

"Shawn! You will lead...the _Blue Beetles_!" he said to a skinny boy wearing a hat.

"And Geoff! You will lead...the _Purple Pigs_!" Geoff sat in the first seat of the back row, which had purple seats. "Okay, start choosing teammates. We're going chromatically, so Owen, you're up first!"

Owen thought about it, then said "Dakota."

"Um, wha?" a tall blonde girl asked.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"People think I'm dumb, but I was actually using strategy. If I chose Izzy, she may choose someone at random and get someone mean," Owen explained. "If I chose Noah, he may not choose Izzy. I decided to pick someone I don't know very well, so I took a chance and went with Dakota."

* * *

"Beth?" Chris asked.

"Easy. Brady!"

A male model sat next to her and kissed her cheek.

"Heather?" Chris continued.

"Lindsay."

"Cameron?"

"Mike."

"Zoey?"

"Gwen."

"Shawn?"

"Lightning."

* * *

 **Confessional – Shawn**

"Zombies always go for the people with the biggest, healthiest brains," Shawn reasoned. "And we all know how dumb Lightning is."

* * *

 **Confessional – Lightning.**

"Sha-boo-yah! I'm in the blue team!" Lightning exclaimed. "Blue is the color of victory, and of fake raspberries!"

* * *

 **First Female Confessional – Ellody.**

"Actually, some raspberries do come in a very dark blue-purple color," Ellody explained.

* * *

"Geoff?"

"Bridgette."

"Okay, the captains have chosen. Now let's keep growing the teams. Dakota?"

"B." A massive African-Canadian silently thumped over.

"Brady?"

"Justin."

"Lindsay?"

"Taylor."

"WHAT THE [F WORD], LINDSAY?!" Heather screeched. Her archnemesis looked equally horrified.

* * *

 **Confessional – Lindsay.**

"Taylor likes yellow," Lindsay explained. "I was thinking we could use her favorite dress as our flag."

* * *

"Mike?"

"Eva."

"Gwen?"

"Leshawna."

"Lightning?"

"Jo."

"Bridgette?"

"Courtney."

"B?"

B did some sign language gestures.

"B is mute," Dawn piped up. "He said he wanted to pick Noah."

"Oh, thanks," Chris replied. "Justin?"

"Katie."

"Taylor?"

"Alejandro."

"Eva?"

"Uh...DJ."

"Leshawna?"

"Jasmine."

"Which? There's two."

"Oh yeah. I wanted Jasmine O'Riley." A girl who looked sorta like Courtney smiled and walked over.

"Jo?"

"Amy."

"Courtney?"

"Duncan."

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"One of these days," Duncan muttered, "I am dumping that goody-two-shoes. She has been on my nerves for far too long."

* * *

"Noah?"

"Cody."

"Katie?"

"Sadie!"

"Alejandro?"

"Devin."

"DJ?"

"Sam."

"Jasmine O.?"

"Trent."

"Amy?"

"Samey."

"It's Sammy..." Sammy began.

"Not here it ain't!" Chris smiled evilly. "Duncan?"

"Tyler."

"Cody?"

"Ella." A girl wearing a princess outfit looked touched.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"WHY DIDN'T HE PICK MEEEEEEEEE?!" Sierra wailed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"Ella usually gets picked last for group projects, so I wanted to be nice to her," Cody explained. His expression changed. "No, I don't like her, shut _up_ , Duncan!"

Duncan snickered from outside the outhouse.

* * *

"Sadie?"

"Lorenzo."

"Devin?"

"Carrie."

"Sam?"

"Scarlett."

"Trent?"

"Harold."

"Samey?"

"Jasmine Thomas."

"Tyler?"

"Rock."

"Ella?"

"Lady Isabelle."

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"What do you know?" Owen chuckled. "I got lucky and got my little buddy AND my ginger sweetness on my team. Thanks randomness!"

* * *

"Lorenzo?"

"Mary."

"Carrie?"

"Ryan." A muscular boy walked over and smiled at her. Carrie returned his grin.

"Scarlett?"

"Max."

"Harold?"

"Ellody."

"Jasmine T.?"

"Sky."

"Rock?"

"Spud." An overweight boy calmly plodded to the back row.

"Parents these days...Izzy?"

"EMMA!"

"Mary?"

"Brick." A boy in military gear hustled to the orange row.

"Ryan?"

"Stephanie." A short girl with a mohawk joined her new boyfriend.

"Max?"

"Rodney." A simple-looking husky farmer boy walked over.

"Ellody?"

"Chet."

"Sky?"

Sky sighed. She was not having a good day. "...Mickey."

"Spud?"

"Staci." An overweight girl with a red hair bow walked over.

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"Staci was a TERRIBLE choice," Courtney groaned. "She spends more time lying about random crap than doing anything. She is FIRST on my elimination list," she added, pulling out a chart she'd just made.

* * *

"Emma?"

"Kitty."

"Brick?"

"Ennui."

"Stephanie?"

"Miles." A hippie-looking girl wearing glasses came to her seat in the yellow row.

"I don't like meat-eaters," she declared.

"Shut up!" Heather and Taylor barked. Miles fell silent, scared of their tempers.

"Rodney?"

"Um, er, ah, Zeke."

"Chet?"

"Leonard. He seems harmless." A boy wearing a green wizard costume and a fake beard joined him. "Sorry Ells," he whispered to his girlfriend, who was giving him a death glare.

"Mickey?"

"Jay."

"Staci?"

"Beardo. Hey, did you know my great-great-great-grandfather was the first person who ever shaved? Before then, men had to wait for their beard hairs to fall out. Sad, I know, right?"

"How about we play the quiet game?" Beardo asked gently.

"Hey, my great-great- oh yeah," and then Staci shut up.

"Thank you," Courtney whispered to him.

"No problem."

"Kitty?"

"Junior." A boy her age, wearing a red baseball cap, walked over.

"Ennui?"

"Crimson," Ennui replied monotonously.

"Miles?"

"Laurie." A half-black/half-white girl smiled and joined her girlfriend.

* * *

 **Confessional – Laurie.**

"Miles and I found each other in a meeting of local vegans. We both had the same idea to call the meetings just 'ings'," Laurie sighed wistfully. "Our love soon blossomed with beautiful reiki energy. We will win this competition and save the world from the grips of those dastardly carnivores!"

* * *

 **First Joint Confessional – Noah and Cody.**

"Are you gonna tell her our species is obligately omnivorous, or can I?" Noah asked Cody.

"You can have this one," Cody said.

* * *

 **First 4th-Wall-Breaking Confessional – The Nerdinator.**

An anthropomorphic _Brachiosaurus_ sat in the confessional, which didn't look like it would hold him up much longer.

" **Just so you know, that was not to stereotype lesbians as vegan hippies** ," I clarified. " **Nerdinator Studios fully supports all sexual minorities, barring a few gross fetishes. There are plenty of other LGBT+ characters in this story who don't fit the stereotypes. I just thought Miles and Laurie would make a good couple based on their personalities, plus it would help make for more drama down the road.** "

Then the floor collapsed under my weight, sending me into the ground. Only my head stuck out of the hole.

" **Whose idea was this?!...Oh, wait, it was mine.** "

* * *

"Zeke?"

"Sugar." A fat blonde girl in jeans and a too-small pink t-shirt sauntered up to the green row.

"Leonard?"

"Tammy." A girl dressed like a stereotypical viking joined him.

"Jay?"

"Tom."

"Beardo?"

"Jacques."

"Junior?"

"Sierra."

Sierra squealed. "Dude, bad idea!" Cody hissed.

"How was that a bad idea?"

Sierra quickly forced herself onto Cody and began forcibly kissing him.

"Oh...sorry, I didn't know."

"Ah, young love," Chris mocked. "Crimson?"

"Scott."

"WHOO! Not on the shark team!" Scott exclaimed. "I could kiss you!" Then he saw Ennui silently staring him down. "On the chair, I mean," Scott hastily added, kissing the back of Crimson's chair.

"Smart move," Ennui glowered emotionlessly.

"I love it when you get assertive," Crimson added, also emotionless.

Chris blinked. "Well, that happened. Laurie?"

"Um...Anne Maria. She's a vegan, right?"

"Wrong!" Anne Maria cackled. Laurie silently cursed under her breath.

"Sugar?"

"Jessie Sanders." A short-haired African-Canadian girl came to the green team and eyed Rodney suspiciously.

"Tammy?"

"I summon the mystic Dawn!"

"Tom?"

"Jen. Duh."

"Jacques?"

"Josee."

"Last round of picking! Sierra?"

"Topher! Us uber-fans gotta stick together."

"Scott?"

"Phil." A boy with long hair under an orange hat left the dwindling audience.

"Anne Maria?"

"Lauren." A skinny tanned girl filled the yellow row.

"Sanders?"

"Val MacArthur." An overweight girl plopped herself next to Sanders. She, too, eyed Rodney with suspicion.

"Dawn?"

"The auras around me say I should go with Leshaniqua."

"Jen?"

"Dave." A neurotic-looking Indian boy joined them.

"And Josee, you can't pick because there's only one person left, but say his name anyway."

"Brody."

* * *

 **Red Robins: Owen, Dakota, B, Noah, Cody, Ella, Izzy, Emma, Kitty, Junior, Sierra, and Topher.**

 **Orange Ocelots: Beth, Brady, Justin, Katie, Sadie, Lorenzo, Mary, Brick, Ennui, Crimson, Scott, and Phil.**

 **Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Ryan, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Anne Maria, and Lauren.**

 **Green Gators: Cameron, Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Max, Rodney, Zeke, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.**

 **Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Gwen, Leshawna, Jasmine O., Trent, Harold, Ellody, Chet, Leonard, Tammy, Dawn, and Leshaniqua.**

 **Blue Beetles: Shawn, Lightning, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine T., Sky, Mickey, Jay, Tom, Jen, and Dave.**

 **Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Courtney, Duncan, Tyler, Rock, Spud, Staci, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

"Okay then! We have everyone. Now we're going to report to the big cliff over there and start our first challenge! Hope you remembered to pack a swimsuit."

* * *

 _At the cliff_

Mike took one look and shuddered. "I'm not THAT fat!" MacArthur growled.

"I wasn't looking at you," Mike winced. MacArthur turned around and saw he was actually looking at Sugar, who (unlike MacArthur) was not able to pull off the plus-size-in-a-bikini look. MacArthur cringed.

"Campers!" Chris called. "This is part one of challenge one. You must dive into that safe zone down there in the water." He showed a picture of the base of the cliff. Buoys marked a twenty-foot-wide zone of water. "Surrounding that safe zone are sharks. Imported bull sharks, before you ask, Ellody. Land in the safe zone, get a point. The team with the most points wins an advantage in the next part of the challenge. Fail to jump, you have to wear a chicken hat to show the world how much of a chicken you are." He smirked evilly and pulled out an ugly yellow chicken hat. Unbeknownst to him, it made Tyler faint.

"Each team will go one-by-one until they're all done. Red Robins! You're up."

After the team made it to the edge of the cliff, Owen jumped first, splashing into the safe zone. "I'm okay!" he called up. "The water's great!"

"No way am I wearing that trashy chicken hat," Dakota said, following after him. She landed in the safe zone.

B thought a little, then jumped off at a particular spot. He landed in the safe zone with minimal splashing.

Noah jumped and got in the safe zone. Cody jumped and landed on a buoy. Groin-first. "No point!" Chris called. Then he sniggered. "We're gonna have so many Darwin Awards by the end of this."

Ella landed at the edge of the safe zone. To the oncoming sharks she sang "Don't worry, sharks, I am a friend, so are all the other humans." The sharks left.

"Man, we shoulda picked her," Sam announced from his team's spot at the base of the cliff.

"What? You kiddin' me? That ain't the way to keep away sharks! That's cheatin'!" Sugar yelled at him.

Back at the top, Izzy cackled and dove off the cliff, landing in the safe zone.

"You are wearing the hat," Emma told Kitty.

"But-"

"I'm not risking you getting hurt." Emma shoved a chicken hat onto her sister's head, then dove off the cliff and into the safe zone.

Junior jumped off the cliff and landed in the safe zone. Sierra jumped next, but landed on a buoy. The same one Cody landed on. Fist-first. A crack in the buoy formed from the force of the impact.

"That's for hurting Cody!" Sierra snarled. Then reality set in. "Ow..."

"On the one hand, the water messes up my hair. On the other, the hat messes up my hair..." Topher debated as the Orange Ocelots arrived at the cliff. Scott got fed up and shoved him off, where he landed in the safe zone.

"Nine points for the Red Robins!" Chris announced.

"Dude! You helped the other team!" Lorenzo shouted at Scott.

"I did?...Oh. Oops."

His team glared at him.

* * *

 **Confessional – Scott.**

"Also ever since that shark attacked me, my mind hasn't been as sharp as it used to be," Scott explained apologetically.

* * *

"Now we have to pick up YOUR slack," Lorenzo growled, jumping off the cliff and landing in the safe zone. Mary did some quick mental calculations and followed him. Katie, Sadie, Beth, and Brady (Hey! Song lyric!) followed, all landing in the safe zone. Soon they were joined by Justin, who made a beautiful scene out of rising out of the water. Brick was next, as was Phil. However, both landed outside the safe zone and had to run away from the sharks.

"I'm wearing the hat," Scott said, putting on a chicken hat. "Ain't no way I'm getting near the sharks."

"The water will reveal things we'd rather the world didn't know," Ennui confessed. He and Crimson donned black versions of the chicken hats.

"...I don't remember giving out black ones," Chris said, dumbfounded. "Anyways, seven points for the Orange Ocelots!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Crimson.**

"I only wear black, and sometimes, really, really, dark red," Crimson explained. "I carry black Sharpies with me _everywhere_."

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

"I'm not jumping! You jump!" Heather growled at Taylor.

"Of course you wouldn't jump, witch! The water would dissolve you and give ME all the popularity!"

Stephanie quickly had enough and shoved both off the cliff, where they landed in the safe zone.

"Harsh," Ryan winced.

"I WANT to get that advantage," Stephanie replied flippantly. "And we need to have more than nine points to win it."

"Fair enough." Ryan jumped next, then the rest of his team followed. Miles, unlike the rest of her team, landed outside the safe zone.

 _"Yum, grass-fed monkey,"_ one of the sharks in the water said to itself in shark-talk. It proceeded to chase her.

* * *

 **Confessional – Miles.**

"I am SO GLAD that bull sharks are the only species of shark that actively attacks people," a tattered Miles grimaced. "Otherwise they'd all be off my preservation list, and they need a lot of protection from rich Chinese evildoers. Not that all Chinese are evil, just the ones who are hunting the sharks."

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"THAT I can agree with," Noah admitted.

* * *

"Wow! Eleven points for the Yellow Yaks. Green Gators, you have a tough act to beat," Chris called.

"What'd I miss?" Chef, who just arrived, asked him.

"Eh, not much. Cody got hit in the kiwis, Stephanie womanhandled Taylor and Heather, and Crimsonnui got black chicken hats. Somehow."

The two adults watched all of the Gators jump off the cliff. Some landed in the safe zone, some didn't. The last to jump was Zeke, who landed in the safe zone and promptly began stinking up the water with the grime on his skin.

"Gross," Chef gagged.

"Good job, Zeke! Your first bath in months, I reckon. Provides a little extra challenge for the next three teams. Oh, and six points for the Green Gators!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Zeke.**

"It _was_ me first bath in moonths, eh," Zeke confessed, "but I'm not really sure if I like this Chris feller."

* * *

"Who else will take the drop, and who will chicken out?" Chris asked. "Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"Welcome back to Total Drama," Chris announced to the audience. "Four of our teams have already jumped off the cliff, but the Cyan Sharks look a little concerned about the cleanliness of the water."

"Ew," Zoey grimaced, looking at the rainbows forming where the oils from Zeke's skin met the water.

"That's gotta be a health risk," Gwen gagged.

"Never fear! I will cleanse the waters of this pestilence! Tammy, eerie flute music, please." Tammy pulled out a blue thingy and began blowing into it. "Aquis cleansis! Aquis cleansis! AQUIS CLEANSIS!" Then Leonard and Tammy jumped into the water and landed in the safe zone.

"It didn't work!" Leonard called up. "The water still tastes like Ezekiel!"

"Maybe he is cursed, and that prevented our magic from working!" Tammy added.

Ellody landed in the safe zone and slapped both of them upside the head. "Magic doesn't exist, you nitwits!"

"Shun the nonbeliever! SHUNNNNNNNNNN!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Chet.**

"Ellody's kinda triggered by people who believe in magic," Chet said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "She got humiliated at Toon-Con by a LARPer in seventh grade, and she's been out to get them ever since."

* * *

"Eight points for the Cyan Sharks! Blue Beetles, you're up!" Chris announced once the CS were done jumping.

Dave began freaking out. "There's no way I'm going in there! There are homeschooled boy germs in that water!"

"I can hear you, eh!" an offended Zeke said from somewhere below.

"The chicken hat's probably grosser, though," Jo pointed out. "I mean, it HAS been in a musty old box for who knows how long."

Dave realized this, turned around, and deliberately fell into the water. Needless to say, he did not hit the safe zone.

"Wimp," Jo muttered, jumping into the water and landing in the safe zone.

"Hey, be nicer to him. This drop is scarily high," Sky scolded her after landing in the safe zone.

"Pfft. Not my problem he's weak."

Amy shoved Sammy off the cliff. Jasmine T. noticed and avenged her by shoving Amy off, then jumped in after her. All three made it into the safe zone.

Mickey and Jay wisely donned chicken hats.

Shawn and Lightning landed outside the safe zone. "I DON'T WANNA BE A ZOMBIE!" Shawn wailed as the sharks circled them.

"Sha-wimp! Grow a pair," Lightning growled, punching a shark in the gills.

Tom and Jen used their jump to show off their designer swimwear. Both landed in the safe zone.

"Impressive performance, Tom and Jen!" Chris complimented. "Seven points for the Blue Beetles!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.**

"We would've won more points were it not for SAMEY!" Amy snapped. "She's always held us back!"

"It's on me and Lightning for not getting the points. Your sister landed in the safe zone," Shawn said from outside.

"SHUT UP ZOMBIE NUT!"

* * *

"Thanks a bunch, Samey!" Amy snarled at her sister. "Because of you, we're almost in last place!"

"What did I do?!" Sammy whimpered.

"Well, you're lamer than me. I am smarter, more popular, AND more fashionable!"

"But they're dressed the same," Tom whispered to Jen. Indeed, the Prescott twins were wearing identical black swimsuits, had identical hairstyles, and even wore identical eyeliner and lipstick.

"Not entirely. Look at their hands," Jen whispered back. Tom took out his glasses (which he'd taken off before diving) and put them on, then looked at the sisters' hands as they argued. Amy's fingernails were painted a shade of peach that was almost the same color as her skin, while Sammy's fingernails were painted blue-green. When Amy kicked Sammy into the water, their pedicures were revealed to match their manicures.

"So we DO have a way to tell them apart," Tom whispered. "Besides that hideous mole on Amy's face, I mean."

"Well, until they change colors," Jen reminded him. "Taking into account their skin tone, I'd suggest either a light purple or a dark red. You?"

"Break it up, you two," Jo grumbled, putting herself between the fighting twins. "We need you both ALIVE for the next challenge."

"Do we?" Amy asked.

"Yes!" Chris called from offscreen.

"Fine."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sammy.**

"Amy's pushed me around most of my life. I'm used to it," Sammy sighed sadly.

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"Poor Sammy," Cody sighed. "She doesn't deserve to have Amy bullying her all the time. Something has to be done."

"Believe me, I'm working on that," Jasmine T. said from outside. "Now please hurry up and clear out! I need to use the outhouse."

"Oh...right, I forgot this was a toilet."

* * *

 _Purple Pigs_

"GET THOSE AWAY FROM ME!" Tyler wailed as soon as he saw the chicken hats. He ran off the cliff and jumped off, landing on a buoy head-first. The same buoy Sierra had punched. The crack in the buoy widened. "I'm okay...somehow..." Tyler said as he slid off.

"What's wrong with him?" Jacques asked Geoff.

"Tyler was like, attacked by a rooster during a field trip to the zoo in kindergarten," Geoff explained. "He's had a fear of chickens ever since then. Dead ones are fine, but live ones..."

"Well, his little fear is just going to hold us back," Josee growled. She and Jacques jumped off the cliff in perfect synchronization, and landed cleanly in the safe zone. Geoff, Brody, and Bridgette followed them into the safe zone.

"I'm SUCH an expert swimmer," Staci boasted. She jumped off and landed painfully outside the safe zone on her wide belly. "Owie."

"Whoa, she WIPED OUT!" Rock exclaimed. He and Spud jumped off the cliff and landed in the safe zone.

Next, Courtney jumped, but hit the damaged buoy. It finally cracked in half, destroying the safe zone. Sharks began to move in.

Duncan and Beardo looked at each other.

Then at the sharks.

They quickly put on the chicken hats. Beardo even made a little scarily accurate clucking noise.

* * *

"And seven points for the Purple Pigs!" Chris finished. "Okay, dry yourselves off and come to Zata Clearing for part two! It's the clearing with all the blueberry bushes, can't miss it."

* * *

Indeed, there were a lot of blueberry bushes.

"Mmph," Dawn sighed happily as she helped herself some of the berries. "Mother Earth, I thank thee."

"You can't thank Mother Earth, fake vegan," Laurie said while passing.

Dawn nearly choked. "Excuse me?"

"I've seen you wearing that wool sweater you like so much. Poor sheep get robbed of their fur every year to make wool sweaters!"

"If we didn't shear them, the wool would grow so thick the sheep would die of heatstroke," Harold replied, approaching the girls. "Besides, this is Cyan Shark territory you're encroaching on, so back off or face my **mad skillz**."

Laurie scoffed. "Whatever, loser."

"Thanks," Dawn said to Harold as Laurie left.

"Don't mention it. She's an _IDIOT!_ if she thinks you're not environmentally conscious enough."

"Mother Earth gave the human the ability to eat anything in the world," Dawn replied. "I just get a little squeamish around blood. There are non-pretentious vegans out there, but Miles and Laurie are not them."

"Let's just find Chris," Harold decided.

* * *

"Okay!" Chris said. "Good to see you all fully clothed. For part two, your teams are going to build...hot tubs! All the parts you're required to use are in these massive crates." Seven large crates were spread out evenly around the clearing's edge. "Your job is to build a functioning hot tub by sundown. The team whose hot tub I like the best wins today's challenge. The team who doesn't make the cut will have to vote someone out!"

"Um, Sr. Chris?" Alejandro asked. "I do believe you mentioned an advantage our team would have. I mean, we do have the most points."

"That I did. Since the Yellow Yaks have eleven points, they get actual tools to open their crates! The rest of you, figure it out on your own."

The Yellow Yaks were handed crowbars and took to ripping into their crates.

* * *

 _Purple Pigs_

"So how are we going to open this crate, dudes?" Brody asked.

"Geoff, you're team captain. Decide something!" Courtney exclaimed.

"Calm down, Court. Okay, Duncan, you have knives, right?"

"Is that even a question?" Duncan asked, pulling out an absurd amount of knives from inside his shirt. Rock and Spud gulped.

"Why don't we use the knives to open the crate by like, prying out the nails and attacking the weak spots?"

"Great idea!" Josee said. "Chris never said anything about having our OWN tools on hand."

"Okay, let's get to work!" Courtney said. "This thing won't build itself!"

* * *

 _Cyan Sharks_

"BOX OPENDUM!" Leonard shouted.

Nothing happened, save Ellody facepalming.

* * *

 _Green Gators_

Scarlett pulled out a strange-looking Swiss Army knife-type thing, and Max supplied some flour. Once the air was sufficiently cloudy, she let loose a blue laser that slashed the box open. Hot tub parts fell to the ground.

"The Green Gators are the first to open their crate!" Chris announced. "Can the Mad Scientists take their team to victory?"

"I calculate 69.367924 +/- 4.0543 percent likelihood," Scarlett replied.

"Sixty-nine percent won't cut it," MacArthur said. "A sixty-nine is still an F."

"It's a D, actually," Sanders corrected.

"Oh...whatever happened to 'E'?"

"No one can agree on why it disappeared," Scarlett replied. "But you are right. Let's increase our likelihood of winning to _89.367924 +/- 2.0543_ percent!"

"You heard Scarlett! Go team!" Cameron exclaimed.

Unbeknownst to the others, Rodney was becoming smitten with Scarlett.

* * *

 **Confessional - Rodney.**

"Scarlett's really smart," Rodney sighed. Then his expression changed. "Why does she hang out with the little purple-haired guy?"

* * *

 **First Coed Confessional – Scarlett and Max.**

"Max and I met at our ninth grade science fair and immediately connected via a strong desire to change the world," Scarlett said. Max was sitting on her lap.

"And most people don't take enough action to change the world for the better. But we have the guts and the gall to do it! Even if it means being what the world calls 'EVIL'!" Max cackled.

Scarlett giggled. "He does have his boyish charms," she said, quickly pecking his lips.

They sighed blissfully.

"Oh, and if you're wondering about the hair, it's a permanent reminder of an unfortunate lab accident," Max explained. "Just an FYI, sapient grapes are a terrible idea."

"They _were_ tasty, though."

"That they were."

* * *

 _Red Robins_

"Oh, come on!" Emma groaned, pounding her fists on the wood. "Open, you stupid crate! We need to regain our early lead!"

B gestured for her to stand back. Then, using some sticks and rocks, he built a rudimentary hammer. He swung it at the crate, but the flimsy hammer shattered on impact.

"B, big guy, I got this," Noah said confidently. "Owen? I need you to go to... **Food Mode**."

"But it's too dangerous!" Owen whined.

"Relax, buddy. Just tell yourself that inside is a plate of barbecue ribs."

"I haven't had ribs in a long time..." Owen trailed off. His vision began shifting. Suddenly, Noah turned into a string bean, Emma became a pile of wontons, and Dakota was a stick of cotton candy. Then Owen thought he "saw" a plate of ribs inside the crate.

The entirety of his eyes turned green. He roared, and then tore the box open, freeing the hot tub parts.

"Good boy, Owen!" Izzy cooed. She pulled out a plate of ribs from between her breasts and tossed them to her boyfriend, who hungrily chowed down on his well-earned food.

"What else you got in there?" Junior asked. Emma slapped him. "Ow!"

"Don't give my sister ideas!" Emma hissed.

"Too late. Waaaaay too late," Kitty teased.

"Okay, B, now it's your turn," Noah said. "Build us the best hot tub you can dream up! We'll add some aesthetic touches of our own when you're ready. This way, if Chris takes off points for participation, we'll be safe."

B nodded silently, a smile on his face. Then he set to work.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"If anyone can build a hot tub out of wood," Owen, back to normal, said as he finished his ribs, "it's B. He once built me a thing that can tie my shoes and change my socks for me! Which is good, because I haven't seen my feet in a while." He looked down. "Never mind, there they are. Hi feet!"

* * *

 _Orange Ocelots_

"I've got the plans!" Beth proclaimed, pulling out some blueprints she drew. "Brick, Mary, Lorenzo, can you build it?"

"Um, yeah!" Lorenzo said confidently. "Anything Chet can build, I can build better!"

"I can make the plumbing!" Mary piped up.

"Military school taught me how to build rudimentary shelters for refugees, so I think I'll be good!" Brick responded. "Soldier on duty, ma'am!"

"Great! The rest of us can decorate it when you're done."

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

"Devin. Ryan. _Una palabra_."

Devin and Ryan followed Alejandro behind a tree while the girls worked on their hot tub. Alejandro cleared his throat. "In case you have not noticed, the girls on our team outnumber us three to one."

"So? They're cool. Carrie especially," Devin replied.

"Yeah, Steph's practically one of the guys already. Besides, didn't you hear Chris? The teams change every time," Ryan added.

"The chance we are on the same team again is still high," Alejandro pointed out. "So what say you two form an alliance with me?"

"Sure, just as long as we play fairly and only vote out those who let us down," Devin said.

"I promise," Alejandro lied.

Little did they know Heather had heard everything.

* * *

 **First Host Confessional – Chris.**

"And bing, bang, boom, we have our first alliance!" Chris said, smiling.

* * *

 **Confessional – Devin.**

"He can't possibly be," Devin wondered. "Can he?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.**

"Yeah, he's definitely compensating for something," Ryan muttered.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"I can assure you, I am not. I just want an even playing field. Even for me, at least." Alejandro developed a smug smirk on his face.

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"I overheard them talking about their little guy's alliance," Heather said. She smirked and chuckled to herself. "And yes, Alejandro IS. Trust me on this one."

* * *

 _Purple Pigs_

"Guys, I took shop class in ninth grade. I can totally build this."

"You sure, little lady?" Rock asked, looking skeptically at Staci.

"We should at least give her a chance," Bridgette admitted. "Okay Staci, show us what you got."

* * *

"...Okay, maybe I've forgotten some stuff," Staci said sheepishly, while her team looked horrified at the outcome.

The Purple Pigs' hot tub was a mess. It was filled with gaping holes, and the feed pipes stuck out of the sides haphazardly.

"We don't have any time to fix it!" Courtney yelled. "Look!" The sun was setting.

"SEPTEMBER!" Brody growled, shaking his fist at the sky. "Why can't the days all be the same length?"

"Because that's, like, seasons, man," Spud replied calmly.

"Campers! Your hot tubs WILL be inspected NOW!" Chris called.

Duncan glared at Spud. "This is all YOUR fault. You picked this not-so-pretty little liar to ruin us!"

"Hey, someone had to pick her," Spud replied, completely chill.

Duncan fumed. "Are you stoned or something?!"

"Rock and roll is the only drug I do, dude."

As they continued arguing, Staci eventually couldn't handle it, and ran behind a tree to cry.

* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.**

"Poor girl," Bridgette sighed. "She's obviously cracking under peer pressure. If we do lose, I'm only voting her off to protect her from what some of the others may do. Who knows what Heather, or worse, Alejandro, might do to her?"

* * *

"Not bad," Chris said to the Cyan Sharks. Ellody sneered at Leonard and Tammy, who had not done their fair share of work.

"Good," Chris said to the Blue Beetles, who'd actually behaved themselves. Although Sammy did have a new cut on her chin that lined up with the edge of Amy's left thumbnail.

"Nice!" Chris said to the Yellow Yaks.

"Needs more shine," Chris critiqued the Orange Ocelots.

"Okay...not even a tub," Chris deadpanned to the Purple Pigs. A board fell off it and whacked Tyler on the head.

"Ooh, Green Gators, me likey," Chris said, admiring a sleek white hot tub. Scarlett, Max, and Cameron fist-bumped. Mike looked tense.

"Ahem."

Chris walked over to the Red Robins and his jaw dropped. A fully-automated hot tub, with completely waterproofed sound and light systems, stood before him.

"And the best part is this," Sierra, covered in paint, said. She lead Chris to the other side, where she and Topher had painted Chris' face on the outer wall of the tub.

"Appealing to my vanity. Always a good strategy. Red Robins win! Their hot tub gets to be installed in the good cabin!"

The team cheered.

"Purple Pigs, you're up for our first elimination ceremony! Vote on who to send home, then meet me at the campfire at eight! Dun dun DAAAAH!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"Rock Potato has got to go," Duncan said, writing SPUD on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Rock.**

"No one disses Spud but my mom!" Rock declared, writing DUNCAN on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"First mark on my elimination list, here I come!" Courtney growled, writing STACI on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.**

"Staci, this is for your own good," Bridgette said apologetically, writing STACI on a piece of paper.

* * *

"Here's how elimination works," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." He showed the Purple Pigs a plate of twelve marshmallows, four of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can create _draaaaamaaaaa_. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Geoff, Bridgette, Tyler, Rock, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody."

Once they were done, Chris picked up the light blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Spud, that would be you." Spud got the marshmallow, while Rock glared at Duncan.

Chris picked up the light green one. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Duncan, you have two votes against you." After getting his marshmallow, Duncan glared at the Rockers and squished the marshmallow in his fist before eating it.

Close shot of the plate. One marshmallow was yellow-orange, the other a light, almost pink red. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're out of the game. Courtney. Staci."

The girls gulped.

"Courtney, you're on the chopping block for not only wrecking the safe zone, but also being super annoying. Staci, you're not just annoying, but incompetent." Staci quivered nervously. "And with three votes against her...

...

...

...

...

"Courtney is still in the game!"

Courtney breathed and accepted her marshmallow.

"Staci! You are our first contestant out. Come get your marshmallow, go to the Dock of Shame, and return to Pahkitew High! But before you leave, we'd like some final words."

Staci, shivering, got her marshmallow. Then she turned around, revealing she was crying a little. "W-well...I know I lied to you, about things my family didn't actually do, and about being cool, but...I just wanted you to like me. I don't have very many friends, and I think the ones I do have are just using me.

"Thing is...I have Asperger's Syndrome." This took her former team by surprise. "Most of you probably don't know what that's like, or even is, but it makes talking to other people, or even thinking about others, really hard. My disability proved a liability...and I'm sorry..."

"Staci," Bridgette said gently, "some of us voted you off so you'd be safe. There are bad people here, and we didn't want you caught up in that."

"That's...the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," Staci said, smiling through her tears. "Not even my parents would say that..."

And she left, leaving a lot of guilty teammates (and Duncan) behind.

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"Whoa. Why didn't anyone tell me she was special-needs?" Courtney asked. "I would've been a lot less harsh if I knew." She glared at the elimination list she'd made. "You are trouble I don't need," she told it. She went outside and put it in a trash can.

But as she turned her back and left, the wind picked it up and blew it into one of the inferior cabins, where it slipped into the rafters, waiting for a sinister ne'er-do-well to find it.

And use it to wreak havoc in Courtney's social life.

* * *

"One camper down. Eighty-three to go. Who will flow into first place and who will go down the drain?" Chris was in the good cabin, using the hot tub. "Find out this Wednesday on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Can we have our hot tub back?" Noah complained from offscreen.

Pan out as Chris saw the Red Robins glaring at him, and he laughed weakly.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Geoff – Staci**

 **Bridgette – Staci**

 **Courtney – Staci**

 **Duncan – Spud**

 **Tyler – Staci**

 **Rock – Duncan**

 **Spud – Duncan**

 **Staci – Courtney**

 **Beardo – Staci**

 **Jacques – Courtney**

 **Josee – Courtney**

 **Brody – Staci**

 **Results: 6-3-2-1 Staci-Courtney-Duncan-Spud**

 **Eliminated: Staci**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Chef yawned as he got into bed. "Good night, hat," he said to his hat, hanging on a hook. "Good night, photo," he said to a photo of his long-passed parents. "Good night, mysterious glowing eyes outside my window – wait, WHAT?!"

He bolted out of his room screaming, waking up all the contestants.

A mouse laughed. Then it switched its glowing eyes back on, revealing itself as the one who scared Chef. Then it skittered away.


	7. 1-2: One Flu Over the Cuckoos

**Review time!**

 **Yeezynight14: Thanks! Ella gives people royal titles out of respect. The stepbrothers' fighting has been toned back to make the story more realistic.**

 **Guest: Thanks! It's 84 because I added an extra five contestants to fill the voids left by the adults: Leshawna's friend Jasmine (who appeared in one of the last episodes of TDI), Leshawna's cousin Leshaniqua (who appeared in TDA), Justin's ex-girlfriend from one of the reunion specials and Sadie's original design (here named Lauren), the long-haired intern and Cody's original design (here named Phil in accordance with the fandom), and Beth's boyfriend Brady (mentioned throughout and introduced at the end of TDA). Dwayne Sr. and Kelly will be co-hosting the Aftermaths alongside Blaineley (who has already been introduced** **– see chapters 4 and 5 for more info) (Dwayne Sr.'s actually going to cameo in this chapter!), while the tennis rivals will appear later in the story, as will Dawn and Zoey's original designs, Molly and Zoe (for the latter I just lopped off the "y" to keep myself from getting confused).**

 **Guest: I have big plans for Ella, and she will hook up with one of the other contestants. Though I'm going to hold off on that because Ella needs some maturation before she's ready to date.**

 **That British Guy: Yep. I don't want to reveal too much, but that elimination list will eventually be found by one of Courtney's enemies, and this plus a certain other twist from the canon will prevent Courtney from getting to the halfway point (Final 42).**

* * *

 _Wednesday, September 13, 2017_

"Last time on the very first Total Drama – our first challenge went swimmingly! [Tom and Jen diving into the safe zone with style] For some, at least. [Cody getting hit in the groin by a buoy] Teams dove off a cliff to win points. Those who didn't jump had to wear the Chicken Hat of Shame! [Mickey and Jay putting on the chicken hats] The Yellow Yaks [Stephanie shoving Taylor and Heather off the cliff] won the advantage for part two of our challenge – building hot tubs! Alejandro made our first alliance [Alejandro pulling Devin and Ryan aside] and the Purple Pigs made fools of themselves. [Tyler getting hit in the head by a board falling off the crappy hot tub] In the end, the Red Robins [B's awesome hot tub] won the good cabin with their deluxe, physics-defying hot tub. And in the Purple Pigs, big beautiful braggart Staci got herself voted off first – but not before she revealed a then-unknown handicap. [Staci's elimination] Can't blame Courtney for not knowing about Staci's ASD, I didn't read the personal information forms either."

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Eighty-three contestants remain. Who will check out with the million dollars, and who will be sent to the Dock of Shame? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of strange blue and pink flowers, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Red Robins_

Owen ate his toast. "Y'know, I never knew bananas went with marmalade until today. You want some?" he asked Topher.

"I'm good, thanks," Topher replied uneasily.

Kitty relaxed in the hot tub. "Ah, sweet relief," she sighed.

"Kitty, this is no time for relaxation," Emma, who stood outside the hot tub, scolded.

"Calm down, sis. The two homework days have passed already."

"Meaning that today is a challenge day."

"Not for a while! You could use the hot tub before then. And judging by your attitude, I think that you should."

While they bickered, Izzy peeked out from her hiding place inside the laundry hamper. "I wonder how the other teams are faring," she said to no one in particular.

B walked by and, not noticing her, dropped his dirty underwear into the hamper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Izzy.**

"Note to self," Izzy, who had B's underwear over her head and covering her eyes, said. "The hamper is a bad place to hide in. Also B smells like peanut butter for some reason."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– B.**

B revealed the reason behind the smell was a bottle of peanut butter-scented soap. He wrote something on a piece of paper, then showed it to the camera.

 _What can I say? It was on sale, and I needed toiletries for this adventure. I hope people will like it._

* * *

 _Mess Hall  
_

"Um, is this it?" Lorenzo asked, frowning at the brown slop Chef had put on his breakfast tray.

"It's been it for the last three days, maggot," Chef grunted.

Lorenzo sighed and left the lunch line.

"NEXT!"

Ennui and Crimson came up. Chef dumped a ladleful of brown slop onto their trays. "Disgusting," Crimson said monotonously. "Just the way we like it."

"Glad someone appreciates my maybe-deliberately-bad cooking. NEXT!"

* * *

 _Blue Beetles_

"Any thoughts on what we should do?" Shawn asked his team. "Today's a challenge day, I know it!"

"And you know that _how_ , exactly?" Amy, picking at a puddle of white gruel in a cup, said condescendingly.

"I'm an expert at making time charts. Have to coordinate food runs with the zombie sleep cycle, y'know."

Amy scoffed. "Zombies aren't–"

"Wait," Jay said. "Shawn just raised a very good question. Does someone who's already dead even NEED sleep?"

Now everyone was wondering it.

"Sha-wow...this is heavy stuff," Lightning murmured.

"No kidding," Dave agreed.

* * *

 _Green Gators_

Sanders and MacArthur were playing basketball outside the cafeteria when something caught the latter's eye. "Hey Jess, what's that thing?"

Sanders turned around and saw what MacArthur was talking about. A massive, auditorium-like building with wires all over the back stood nearby.

"That's the Virtual Reality Machine," Sanders replied, smiling. "Chris told me that every five challenges, we get to use it to go into another universe!"

"Cool! I've always wanted to see what it would be like to fight in WW2," MacArthur said.

"No, you don't," they heard someone say. They turned around to see Cameron. "Trust me. War is incredibly stressful, more than the movies make it seem."

"Oh, don't worry about us, Cameron. We're tough, we can handle it. Right, Sanders?"

"Well..." Sanders conceded, "he does have a point."

"You're just soft," MacArthur decided. She grabbed the basketball and shot it into the net. "Swoosh!"

* * *

 _Red Robins_

Noah sat on the porch of the good cabin, reading _The Book Thief._

"Do you ever run out of books?" Cody asked, curious.

"Did Sierra sneak her laptop into the cabin even though we weren't allowed to bring any electronics? The laptop with those embarrassing photos of you?"

"Wait, she WHAT?! Thanks for telling me, Noah. SIERRA!" Cody went back inside. Then he ran back out, screaming, being chased by a lust-crazed Sierra.

Noah sniffed the air. "Huh. Wet sand. I thought we were further from the beach than that."

"CAMPERS! Report to the campgrounds for today's challenge!" Chris' voice came over the PA system.

As Noah left, he failed to notice that, not too far from the good cabin, was a field of short plants with disproportionately large nine-petal flowers. Some had blue flowers; some had pink.

* * *

"Okay, everyone!" Chris said. "We're going to start today's challenge."

"Is it try on cute clothes?" Lindsay asked.

"No, but you've given me a great idea for a future challenge. No, today's challenge will begin by reading...these!" He pulled out some highschool anatomy textbooks.

"Anyone else taking anatomy?" Sam asked. Dakota and more than a few others raised their hands. "Chris, I don't want to sound harsh or anything, but doesn't this seem kind of, I don't know, redundant?"

"One would think so," Chris replied, "but these aren't your ordinary anatomy textbooks. THESE are detailed instructions on how to put a series of highly intricate mannequin organs together. You have until noon for your team to memorize the ENTIRE textbook. You'll need the knowledge later on."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Courtney.**

"Memorization? My mind is like a bear trap," Courtney grinned. "I've memorized all of the laws in the country top to bottom and can recite them at will. Not that I'm going to do that now, of course. But I've got this challenge in the bag!" She did a little victory dance, then realized the camera was still rolling. "You didn't see that!"

* * *

"Now to break you guys up into teams. Today, we will have four teams of twenty and one team of three.

"Cody, Alejandro, Brady [Hey! Another song lyric!], Jasmine O., Leshawna, Leonard, Tammy, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Shawn, Rodney, Zeke, Brick, Tyler, Brody, Sanders, Tom, and Jen, you are Team Sanguine!

"Chet, Lorenzo, Amy, Eva, Heather, Taylor, Emma, Noah, Stephanie, Scott, Jo, MacArthur, Justin, Sugar, Jacques, Josee, Duncan, Izzy, Anne Maria, and Lightning, you are Team Choleric!

"Harold, Carrie, Samey, Sky, Gwen, Mickey, Jay, Courtney, Ennui, Crimson, Mike, Mary, Ellody, Dakota, B, Sam, Cameron, Ryan, Junior, and Lauren, you are Team Melancholic!

"DJ, Dawn, Ella, Owen, Bridgette, Geoff, Beth, Jasmine T., Lindsay, Kitty, Zoey, Devin, Sierra, Rock, Spud, Phil, Dave, Topher, Beardo, and Trent, you are Team Phlegmatic!

"And Scarlett, Max, and Leshaniqua, you are Team Leukine! Find your teams and break! Except for you, Leukine, you're going with Chef!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Leshaniqua.**

"That Chef guy scares a lotta people," Leshaniqua said, "but not me. I'm a lot tougher than that, and if he thinks he can break me, he's got another thing comin'!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Mary.**

"Just so we're clear, the four humors theory of health is NOT accurate," Mary said.

* * *

 **Sanguine: Cody, Alejandro, Brady, Jasmine O., Leshawna, Leonard, Tammy, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Shawn, Rodney, Zeke, Brick, Tyler, Brody, Sanders, Tom, and Jen.**

 **Choleric: Chet, Lorenzo, Amy, Eva, Heather, Taylor, Emma, Noah, Stephanie, Scott, Jo, MacArthur, Justin, Sugar, Jacques, Josee, Duncan, Izzy, Anne Maria, and Lightning.**

 **Melancholic: Harold, Carrie, Samey, Sky, Gwen, Mickey, Jay, Courtney, Ennui, Crimson, Mike, Mary, Ellody, Dakota, B, Sam, Cameron, Ryan, Junior, and Lauren.**

 **Phlegmatic: DJ, Dawn, Ella, Owen, Bridgette, Geoff, Beth, Jasmine T., Lindsay, Kitty, Zoey, Devin, Sierra, Rock, Spud, Phil, Dave, Topher, Beardo, and Trent.**

 **Leukine: Scarlett, Max, and Leshaniqua.**

* * *

 _Sanguine_

"I sooooo want to dress up our mannequins when we're done!" Jen gushed.

"I agree! I've had a little experiment in mind, but I've never gotten around to trying it out. Jen, I promise you, I WILL make stripes and plaid work!" Tom said confidently.

Brick wanted to say something, but thought better and kept his mouth shut, and went back to his book.

"Dudes! Muscles have, like, names?" Brody asked as he flipped through his book.

"Well, doctors need to have names for them so they know which one they're talking about," Cody explained. "Different muscles control different joints and organs."

"And they make guys hunky!" Katie squealed as she and Sadie admired Rodney's biceps.

"Uh..." Rodney stammered.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Rodney.**

"I don't have much experience with girls," Rodney blushed, "and every time I try to talk to one I think is interested in me, I get nervous and mess up really bad. And now that BOTH Katie and Sadie want me...what do I tell Scarlett?"

"Scarlett's been dating Max for two years!" Jen shouted from outside the confessional.

"They are?" Rodney became his usual perky self again. "Well, that's a big relief! I sure hope she's happy."

* * *

 _Leukine_

Scarlett was actually rather confused right now. Her team had been led into a secluded forest, but for what, Chef hadn't said. Then they stopped abruptly.

"Okay, soldiers! Listen up!" Chef barked. "You three did not fit the four main temperaments, and have thus been assigned to me!"

"If we _were_ to use that silly alignment system, I would qualify as a melancholic," Scarlett snarked.

"I didn't ask for any backtalk, missy!" Chef barked, smacking Scarlett over the head with a wooden baton he'd pulled out of nowhere. "Now, we do not have enough members to compete in the challenge itself, so we have been given a very special job."

"Um, Mr. Chef? What, exactly, IS the challenge?" Max asked.

"You remember what Pretty Boy said about the textbooks and building mannequins?"

"That's the entire challenge?" Leshaniqua scoffed. "Lame."

"No, there's more. Teams will have to retrieve parts of their mannequins from inside a tank of water. Each member must rotate between getting the plastic organs, lowering their teammates into the water, and building the body. The mannequin must be complete within half an hour or the team's at risk of elimination."

"And what about us?"

"Our job is to keep the other teams from winning. If none of them can complete their mannequins within thirty minutes, _we_ win!"

"So you want us to sabotage them?" Max grinned. "Evil. I like this challenge."

"Count me in," Scarlett smirked.

"I'm up for a soak in the hot tub," Leshaniqua conceded. "Okay Chef, any plans?

"'Course I have plans," Chef smiled evilly. "My first idea is..."

* * *

 _Choleric_

"Wow...all the short-tempered competition freaks together," Noah muttered to himself. "Like THAT was a good idea."

"That IS the definition of choleric, you know," Jacques said. "But I won't deny that Josee quite likes to be first. She wants to win gold at the Winter Olympics for ice dancing."

"Ambitious," Noah said, not really caring.

"And I will not deny that I want to win Olympic gold, too," Jacques smirked. "Silver and bronze are the colors of the losers, the freaks, the not-as-good-as-mes. Plus gold goes with my hair."

"Whoopee."

"Are you even listening?"

"I'm more focused on winning the challenge right now, thank you," Noah replied. "And if you're as ambitious as you claim to be and really want the million dollars, you should be focused on reading the book too."

Jacques sat dumbly as Noah resumed pouring over the anatomy textbook.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Jacques.**

"I hated to admit it back then," Jacques said, "but the little insect was right."

* * *

 _Melancholic_

"These mannequins aren't completely anatomically accurate," Ellody noted.

"What makes you say that?" Dakota asked. Ellody showed Dakota a picture in the book of a mannequin's crotch. Or, what _should_ have been its crotch and not a smooth, featureless piece of plastic. Dakota's eyes widened when she caught on.

"Well, they couldn't be _completely_ accurate," Gwen said. "Otherwise we wouldn't be able to even have the challenge because it wouldn't get past the censors."

"Oh...I guess I can let it slide this once," Ellody sighed.

Junior struggled with his book, which Carrie noticed. "Hey, Junior, you want some help with that?"

"Yes, please! I can't understand any of this."

Carrie sat next to him and began explaining which organs went where. Junior was momentarily captivated by her beauty, but decided against flirting (he was only fourteen, after all).

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Junior.**

"At first I thought Carrie would fall in love with me," Junior said, "but then I realized I didn't know her that well, so I put those thoughts out of my head. Besides, she probably doesn't date younger guys."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Carrie.**

"He's right, and I'm glad he let his momentary infatuation go," Carrie said. "That's a sign he's growing up."

* * *

Back in Muskoka, a man momentarily stopped working in his cubicle, and swore he felt a disturbance in the parenting forces.

* * *

 _Sanguine_

"This textbook was crafted with dark magic!" Leonard declared. "It insinuates that the brain does the thinking, and feels love, too!"

"No!" Tammy said, horrified. She threw her textbook away from her. It ended up hitting Zeke on the head, though he didn't notice until he passed out and fell over.

"Actually, the textbook is right," Alejandro said. "The heart was proven to only pump blood a very long time ago."

"LIES!" Leonard shrieked. "All lies! The heart-eating trolls WANT you to think that, so when they come after you, you're willing to give up your life!"

"Well, the heart is still a vital organ–"

"You bet your rump it is, Spaniard! It's the most vital OF ALL!"

Alejandro muttered various Spanish words I'm not going to translate due to how blue they were under his breath.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Alejandro.**

"At this point, I am willing to throw the challenge just to get rid of the wizard boy," Alejandro growled. "And I have an idea on how. I shall convince Leonard he can use his ' _magico_ ' to promote peace. Then I create tension in the group, and when these elements come together our performance will be certainly thrown off. We are not Team Choleric, but my team does have someone with a bad temper who can help me, even inadvertently."

He showed the camera a picture of Laurie. "This woman is very judgemental, not to mention a bit intolerant and oversensitive. Provoking her shall be easy."

* * *

"Ooh, Alejandro's devious!" Chris chuckled. "Which team will memorize enough of their books to win it big in part two of our challenge? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. "Four teams pour over mannequin assembly manuals, while the fifth figures out how to sabotage them. Speaking of our teams, what's Team Phlegmatic been up to?"

* * *

 _Phlegmatic_

"My brain huuuurts," Lindsay whined. She'd only gotten through the very first two chapters of her book, while most of her teammates were on chapter thirteen out of seventeen.

"I'm not sure it _can_ ," Topher replied. "According to the manual, the brain doesn't have nerve endings of its own."

"Where did it say that?" DJ asked.

"When it listed all the places we had to put the nerve parts in, I noticed the brain wasn't on the list."

"Oh," DJ said. "I guess I missed that page."

"I'm with Lindsay," Owen said. "I'm kinda smart 'cause I hang out with Noah, but all these tiny little parts are too hard to memorize."

"And memorization is a big part of the challenge," Bridgette finished. "We need to figure out a way to remember where all the parts go."

"CODY!" Sierra screeched. She'd had to be physically restrained from going after Cody via metal chains staked into the ground; said stakes had rocks on top of them to keep her from pulling them out.

"Hey, I have an idea!" Beth piped up. Everyone turned to look at her, interested. "When I was in middle school, I found that mnemonics really helped me with studying. I still use them today. We could make one to help us remember which parts go where."

"We could set it to music!" Rock exclaimed. "Spud did that so he could remember the Seven Stages of Heartbreak! We had to do a Valentine's Day gig once," he added as an explanation.

"I can write the song," Trent offered. "I'm the composer for the Drama Brothers, after all."

"Ooh, ooh, can I help?" Ella asked.

"Sure." Ella lit up and squeed.

"And if our performance is what gives us points, then I can coordinate a dance routine!" Phil finished.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Phil.**

"I'm in charge of the dance troop back at school, so dancing is kind of a big deal to me," Phil explained.

* * *

"These are all great ideas!" Bridgette said. "Guys, I think we're onto something big. Thanks a bunch, Beth! Trent, Ella, you and the Rockers work on the song. Phil, Dawn, you're making the dance routine. The rest of you, hang in there and study. And hurry! We've only got an hour until the challenge starts!"

The team split up to do their respective tasks. Dawn looked at Phil and said, "Your aura is quite green. You must be buzzing with creativity."

"I should hope so," Phil chuckled. "Green's my favorite color, and I have so many ideas for our performance."

"But in the center is a speck of blue...something related to your sister?"

"How did you know? Oh yeah, the aura reading thing." He sighed. "Zoe went through a rough breakup just before I came here. I didn't have the chance to comfort her after it happened."

"You do realize you're on international TV, right?"

* * *

 _Sanguine_

"Leonard?" Alejandro asked. Leonard stared at him. "I must say, your ideas about anatomy may be a bit dated, but the real magic you have is less obvious. You have great untapped potential when it comes to resolving conflicts. And this from the son of a diplomat."

"I do? Splendid! I'll unsheath the sword of my true potential when all seems lost!" Leonard declared.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Alejandro.**

"That part was too easy," Alejandro laughed. "The next will be trickier, but I just need to wait for a moment where it'll seem like my malice is more frustration."

* * *

The clock struck noon. "Campers! Put your books away and come to the beach. The test has begun!" Chris announced.

* * *

At the beach, the four main teams stood in front of four massive aquarium tanks filled with turbid water. Next to each tank was a rotating chair with a long fishing rod-like device mounted on the arm, and a carpet in front of the tanks to assemble the mannequins on. Sanguine's carpet was lemon yellow and hot pink, Choleric's dark red and black, Melancholic's grape purple and dark blue, and Phlegmatic's lime green and cyan.

"CODY!" Sierra screeched, and was about to run over to Team Sanguine when she went back to normal. "What did I miss?" she asked. "And why do I feel like I wanted to kiss Cody more than usual?"

"Okay campers, let's see how well you read the books," Chris smirked. "The organs of your mannequins are in those tanks. Each one of you must take a stab at assembling the organs, lowering a teammate into the tank, and being in the tank." The last one made Crimson and Ennui nervous, even though they didn't show it. "The team that gets the most of their mannequin completed in thirty minutes' time wins the challenge. The losing team amputates the person they no longer need."

"Please don't say amputate," Brody shuddered. "I have a phobia of that."

"Yeah, don't care. However, there's a catch. Team Leukine's going to try and sabotage you." From behind them, Chef, Max, Scarlett, and Leshaniqua, decked out in beige body paint and bandannas, emerged. Max snarled at the other campers for dramatic effect. "You have to both find your parts in murky water, AND fend off Team Leukine! Melancholic, you're up first!"

* * *

 _Melancholic_

"I'm manning the chair first!" Courtney barked. "I was a CIT for two years, I can handle this!"

"You do realize you're going to have to give that up eventually, right?" Gwen asked.

"I do. And just for that comment, goth girl, you're getting body parts first!" Gwen sighed and got into the harness at the end of the fishing pole.

"I'm ready."

Courtney maneuvered Gwen into the water. After a little bit, Gwen tugged on the line and Courtney fished her out. Gwen tossed various parts onto the carpet, then got out of the harness. Courtney got in and Mike took her place at the chair. On the carpet, Harold and Sam quickly and expertly began clicking parts together.

"We got the right thigh and the bladder done!" Harold announced, holding the latter over his head. Scarlett quickly snatched it, scooted over to the tank, disassembled the bladder, and tossed it back in the tank, then disappeared as quickly as she game.

"...And I thought Izzy was fast," Sam said, dumbfounded.

* * *

 _Twenty-seven more minutes of this later_

"Annnd time!" Chris announced. An exhausted Team Melancholic now had both legs, both lungs, the liver, the lower jaw, and the right arm finished. Crimson and Ennui were glad time had been called before they'd have to go into the water. "Sixty-one percent completion gives you sixty-one points. If any other team gets more than that, they're automatically safe. Phlegmatic! Your turn!"

* * *

 _Phlegmatic_

Phil stood in front of the carpet. DJ manned the chair, Kitty was in the harness first, and the rest of the team waited.

"This one goes out to my sister Zoe," Phil announced to the camera. "I know your life may look bad now, sis, but you're strong. Please, for your own sake, stay that way."

While he had said this, DJ and Kitty had retrieved some of the bones of the mannequin. Beardo used his impressive vocal mimicry to begin a beat, and the assembly began.

 _Phil: The hip bone's connected to the back bone!_

 _Kitty: The back bone's connected to the chest bones!_

 _DJ: The sternum is connected to the chest bones,_

 _Owen: Via cartilage, it's stuck to the ribs!_

 _Sierra: Ohhhhh, the brain is connected to the head bones!_

 _Geoff: And the brain is connected to the spinal cord,_

 _Bridgette: Which runs down the middle of the back bones,_

 _Beardo: (scat singing, offhand backhanding an incoming Leshaniqua) C'mon!_

 _(sudden change in rhythm. The Rockers aren't too used to it, but they manage)_

 _The whole team: Anterior cruciate to tibia, heart to pericardium, renal cortex to its medulla, and intestine to the stomach, oh!_

 _(change back to the original rhythm)_

 _Trent: The scalp is connected to the head bones,_

 _Lindsay: The skin goes over the guts and bones,_

 _Beth: The eyes go into their sockets,_

 _Phil: And I think that now we're done._

Thanks to the power of the montage, they were very quickly done well before the time limit, and now had a complete mannequin.

"Wow, just...how is that possible?" Chris asked, flabbergasted.

"Silly Chris! Anything's possible when you're a cartoon!" Kitty said cheerily.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. But you shouldn't pretend to hear that your team is the automatic winner with all one hundred points, our first song of the series, and a fully completed mannequin!"

They cheered.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Emma.**

"On the one hand, I'm glad my sister did well," Emma said. "On the other hand, I'm a little afraid that she may fall into a bad crowd. Plus, if her team won, that means my team's at risk of eliminating someone."

* * *

"Sanguine! You're up! Will you beat Melancholic, or will they keep their lead?"

* * *

 _Sanguine_

"Ewwww, is that water safe?" Miles asked, concerned at the sight of the murky water.

"Don't worry, Phil told me that's just cinnamon," Brady said. "You still don't wanna drink that, though. I learned that the hard way."

"And the Cinnamon Challenge is still relevant...how?" Tom asked.

"Whatever. I shall go first," Alejandro volunteered. "Laurie, would you mind lowering me in?"

"Sure. Why not?"

Laurie began lowering him into the tank, but she didn't have too much upper body strength, and with all his muscle and height Alejandro was quite heavy. So instead of carefully lowering him until he touched the bottom with his feet, she dropped him on his face.

As soon as he pulled the last fake molar from his forehead, Alejandro gathered as many organs as he could find, then tugged on the fishing line. Again, Laurie had difficulties, this time with pulling him up, and she needed Rodney's help to rescue The Latin Mastermind. Jen glared at Rodney, sure he was going to start eying Laurie. But she didn't notice that he didn't, for Rodney knew that Laurie was homosexual and thus had no interest in him, and he respected that.

Alejandro coughed, spitting up cinnamon-laced water he'd deliberately swallowed as part of his plan. " _En serio_! I could have died! Next time be more careful, fruit-eating freak!"

"EXCUSE ME?!" Laurie roared. "Oh, that is it! Let me at him!"

"Fear not!" Leonard said, putting himself between them. "For I have discovered a new ability of mine. Peacemaking! Alejandro could not compete, and after what he said I'm not sure Laurie wants to either. So I shall compete in the stead of all of you!"

His team gasped.

"What?! Are you for real?" Leshawna asked.

"Um, Leonard, that's nice and all, but are you sure that's a good idea?" Cody added.

"Chris wanted us to work as a team. And I know from experience that one soldier cannot pull off an entire mission alone," Brick pointed out.

"Yes, but I have MAGIC!"

* * *

Team Leukine simply sat back and relaxed as Leonard took it upon himself to use his "magic" to "levitate" the organs out. He was doing all their work for them.

* * *

 _Twenty-seven more minutes of this later_

"Wow. Disappointing, Team Sanguine," Chris said. Only the spleen, an ear, and part of the intestine – what Alejandro had brought up – were assembled. "Seven percent completion gives you seven points. It'd take the last team failing entirely for you to be safe."

Everyone who wasn't glaring at Alejandro was glaring at a clueless Leonard, who was trying to fix his staff in vain. Because it was just an ordinary piece of wood.

"Choleric! You're up!"

* * *

 _Choleric_

"You're going in first!" Heather seethed.

"No, you are!" Taylor hissed.

"I'm going to go in first, just so I don't have to hear you two bicker," Noah said finally. "Justin, lower me in."

"Of course," Justin said, using the opportunity to show off his muscles. Amy sighed dreamily. Ryan rolled his eyes and showed off his even bigger muscles to Stephanie, who squealed in delight.

As Noah was lowered into the tank, Jo nodded her head in approval. "The little guy is strong-willed," she said. "He'll make it far. Maybe I should form an alliance with him."

"In your dreams," Eva scoffed. "He's not a big fan of people. You'd have to share his extremely cynical worldview for him to consider you worthy of his time."

"Fair enough. I like that he has standards. Someone would need to have a really good reason to make an alliance with him."

And that's when Emma realized she had a chance to make up with Noah. She didn't know him well, but she figured Blaineley had yelled at him for the same reasons Emma had been yelled at, that elitist has-been. But Emma needed him to know that she did, in fact, sympathize with him. After what had happened with Jake...

Then Max cut the rope of the fishing line, forcing Eva to kick a hole in the glass tank to save Noah. Murky cinnamon water and one disgruntled Indian nerd spilled onto the ground.

"My shoes!" Taylor wailed as the water surged onto her black leather pumps. "My mom paid $78 for these!"

"I _told_ you you'd want to bring sneakers," Chris said from nearby. Taylor threw her ruined pumps at his head (they missed and were caught by Izzy, who decided to pretend she was a spy and the right shoe was secretly a phone) and tromped barefoot back to her cabin to retrieve her sneakers. Heather burst out laughing while Noah wrung out his shirt.

* * *

 _Twenty-five more minutes of this later_

"Annnd time!" The head, chest, and lower body of the mannequin were finished. "Okay," Chris said. "Seventy-eight percent complete, seventy-eight points. You're safe! Leukine, nice work sabotaging Choleric and Melancholic, you're also safe! Sanguine, meet me at the campfire at eight! You're sending someone home!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Tammy.**

"It was the curse of Ezekiel who kept my team from winning Sunday," Tammy said. "He must have made us lose today, too, after that sinful book flew at him." She wrote EZEKIEL on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Jen.**

"Rodney makes me uncomfortable," Jen said, writing RODNEY on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Brody.**

"Dude. What you said to Laurie? Not cool. Bridgette's a vegetarian, and she's super rad. I have to vote for you," Brody said. He wrote AL on a piece of paper and stopped. "How do I spell your name again?"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Brick.**

"Leonard, I respect your creativity, but fantasy has no place on the battlefield," Brick said, writing LEONARD on a piece of paper.

* * *

"Here's how elimination works," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." He showed Team Sanguine a plate of twenty marshmallows, four of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can increase the dramatic tension exponentially. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Cody, Brody, Jasmine O., Leshawna, Katie, Sadie, Tammy, Laurie, Miles, Shawn, Brick, Sanders, Shawn, Brady, Tom, and Jen."

"Laurie and I can't accept those. We're vegans, and marshmallow gelatin comes from horse bones," Miles said.

"These ARE vegan."

"You sure?"

"Yep!" Chris lied.

Miles shrugged and she and Laurie got the last white marshmallows. "I don't remember vegan marshmallows tasting so good!" Miles said to Laurie as they ate.

"Me either!" Laurie replied with her mouth full, unintentionally spraying a little white goo onto Shawn's face.

 _Heh heh...sucker,_ Chris thought. He separated the blue marshmallow from the other colored ones. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Today, that person is Rodney." Rodney got his marshmallow, and on his way back to his seat Jen hissed at him, catching him offguard.

"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Zeke, you have two votes against you." Zeke noticed Leonard and Tammy glaring at him. He gulped and nervously got his marshmallow.

Just two differently-colored marshmallows remained. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone for good. Alejandro. Leonard."

The boys looked at him.

"Alejandro, you made fun of Laurie for being a special little snowflake. Not cool. Leonard, you didn't help your team at ALL today, and in fact ensured none of Team Leukine needed to go sabotage you. And with four votes against him...

...

...

...

...

"Alejandro is safe!"

Alejandro sighed in relief and turned around to face a disappointed Laurie. " _Querida_ Laurie, I apologize for my earlier behavior. I got caught up in the competition and took it out on my teammates. Friends?"

"Eat less pork and we'll see," Laurie replied. "You really need to be more open-minded."

"Come to think of it, perhaps it is you and your lover who are the ones in need of opening your minds." Laurie and Miles looked at each other, confused, as Alejandro left the campfire, which backlit him ominously.

"Any thoughts, Leonard, before school claims you as its slave again?" Chris asked the dumbfounded LARPer.

"Just one. Tammy, I think I'm forced to use my most powerful spell yet to protect myself. REWINDUS BINDUS MAKE EZEKIEL GONEUS!"

Nothing happened, obviously.

"Uh, dude? Magic isn't real," Chris said. Leonard fainted. "Take him away!" he barked to some red-shirted interns, who dragged him to the Dock of Shame and sent him away.

"LEONARD!" Tammy wailed sadly.

"Good riddance, I say," Tom scoffed. "That fake beard was like, _sooooo_ tacky!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Ellody.**

"One LARPer down, one to go," Ellody sighed happily. "Oh, and those WEREN'T vegan marshmallows. Real vegan marshmallows have a different consistency from regular marshmallows."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Chef.**

"It was too [d word] hard to find vegan marshmallows in the amount we're gonna use up through this series," Chef, still wearing his battle paint, grumbled. "Those green-scarfing maggots need to stop shunning two of the basic food groups and grow up."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Alejandro.**

"It was a risk, letting some of the votes come my way," Alejandro admitted. "But it was necessary to set up the circumstances that led to kicking off the wizard boy. If I'm going to win _el million_ , I'm going to have to play dirty." He chuckled evilly. "Those fools won't know what hit them. Well, except maybe Heather. But I have plans for her, too," he added sinisterly.

* * *

"Two down. Eighty-two to go," Chris said as he walked through the forest. "Who will muscle their way into stardom, and who will be expelled from the bowels of the Dock of Shame? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

A mannequin's head rolled up next to his feet. Chris screamed and fled. The source of the head were revealed to be Jo and Scott from Team Choleric, who'd pranked Chris with their mannequin's fully-assembled head. The two delinquents laughed at the scene.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Cody** **– Leonard**

 **Alejandro** **– Leonard**

 **Brady** **– Leonard**

 **Jasmine O.** **– Leonard**

 **Leshawna** **– Leonard**

 **Leonard** **– Zeke**

 **Tammy** **– Zeke**

 **Katie** **– Leonard**

 **Sadie** **– Leonard**

 **Laurie** **– Alejandro**

 **Miles** **– Alejandro**

 **Shawn** **– Leonard**

 **Rodney** **– Leonard**

 **Zeke** **– Leonard**

 **Brick** **– Leonard**

 **Tyler** **– Leonard**

 **Brody** **– Alejandro**

 **Sanders** **– Alejandro**

 **Tom** **– Leonard**

 **Jen** **– Rodney**

 **Results: 13-4-2-1 Leonard-Alejandro-Zeke-Rodney**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Geoff and Bridgette were making their way to the good cabin when they smelled something. It was a smelly smell that smelled...smelly. Like pomegranates and blueberries, blended together, with a hint of cheese in the background.

Then, out of the blue, they began making out, grossing out Zoey and Phil (who were looking out of the cabin's windows) but intriguing Sierra, who took a picture.

Little did they know that the seemingly innocent flowers behind the cabin were responsible.


	8. 1-3: Ice, Ice, Baby

**Chapter 8: 1-3: Ice, Ice, Baby**

* * *

 **Review time!**

 **Yeezynight14: Leonard is my least favorite character after Sugar, so I'm glad you think I wrote him well.**

 **Goodine777: This fic was intended as a blend of the Total Drama canon into a single story arc. However, it begins in a highschool where all the characters attend, which is important because that environment affects the interactions between them, hence the title. Sorry if it seemed a little misleading.**

 **That British Guy: Agreed, but he, like all the characters, will be getting some development in this fanfiction. And to answer your question, some future episodes** ** _will_** **reuse preexisting teams.**

* * *

 _Saturday, September 16, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we played doctor! [Carrie helping Junior read the mannequin manual] Teams Sanguine [Katie and Sadie admiring Rodney's muscles], Choleric [Taylor's shoes being ruined by water], Melancholic [Ellody showing Dakota that page in the textbook], and Phlegmatic [Lindsay complaining about the content] had to read a complex manual on how to assemble mannequins from parts stored in tanks full of murky, cinnamon-laden water. [Courtney being lowered into the tank] The team with the most of their mannequin complete within half an hour won the challenge. [Team Choleric putting together their mannequin] And Team Leukine had to stop them from finishing in time. [Scarlett making off with the bladder Harold had just finished] Team Phlegmatic put on a show [The performance Phil had cooked up] and Team Sanguine came to blows. [Laurie trying to attack Alejandro] Alejandro threw the challenge to get rid of wizarding wannabe Leonard [Alejandro convincing Leonard he's a peacemaker], who fell under his spell and got himself eliminated [Leonard's elimination] much to the relief of everyone not named Tammy."

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Eighty-two contestants remain. Who will slide into victory, and who will skate to the Dock of Shame? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of strange blue and pink flowers, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Choleric_

Jo finished her push-ups and went to change into her normal clothes. She picked out one of her hoodies, but was surprised to see a skinny homeschooled boy tumble out from inside it.

"Zeke?! What the frick, man!" Jo shrieked.

Zeke panted. "She's after me, eh!" he said, frightened.

"Who is?"

"Tammy! That crazy viking lady's been after me skin the last three days! She thinks I'm cursed or soomething."

"And you hid in my closet because?" Jo asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because no one wants to mess with you, eh! You're Jo Hapsburg! The toughest girl in Pahkitew!"

"Well, I AM pretty tough," Jo smirked. "But seriously, scram!"

Zeke obeyed.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Jo.**

"Wow, that new kid is such a loser," Jo scoffed. "I give him five more challenges until he's out."

* * *

 _Phlegmatic_

"ALL. NIGHT," Dave grimaced, huge bags under his eyes. "They were at it ALL. NIGHT."

Geoff and Bridgette were making out. The mysterious flowers from behind the cabin had struck again the previous night, but no one had known this.

"How do they not need to go to the bathroom?" an equally tired Zoey asked.

Suddenly, the flowers' effects wore off, and Geoff and Bridgette snapped back to normal.

"What's up?" Geoff asked his bewildered companions.

"Dude! You and Bridgette were like, in Smooch City for like, fourteen hours for the second time in two days!" Brody exclaimed.

"I THOUGHT I needed to pee," Geoff said. "I'll be right back." He ran off to the good cabin's bathroom. Unusually loud urinating noises could be heard. "Ahhhhh."

Dave practically threw up. "Easy there Dave, just breathe, there we go," Phil said. Dave recovered.

"Campers! Report to Zata Clearing!" Chris announced over the loudspeakers.

As Team Phlegmatic left for the last time as a team, DJ became the first person to notice the mysterious flowers behind the cabin.

"Huh. How long have those flowers been there?" he asked himself. "And why do they smell like wet sand?"

* * *

"Why are you here?" Chris asked the kids.

"To make fun of a has-been TV host?" Heather asked.

"To waste your money?" Noah smirked.

"To do this?" Everyone stared as Izzy pulled a rabbit from between her breasts, put it on her head, and danced the Cotton-Eyed Joe.

"Um...no?" Chris said, perplexed. " _My_ question was rhetorical. You're going to have a challenge!"

"I NEVER would have guessed," Eva said sarcastically.

"Me either," Spud said, sincerity in his voice. Eva looked at him, concerned, and took a step away from him.

"First, we will be breaking up into two teams of twenty-seven, and one team of twenty-eight. Cody, Heather, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Jasmine T., Eva, Dawn, Beth, Emma, Kitty, Zoey, Tammy, Dakota, Mary, Ellody, Sanders, MacArthur, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Ella, Sky, Sugar, Carrie, and Lauren, you are Team Amazon!"

"Wait, why am I on an otherwise all-girls team?" Cody asked.

"Sierra wouldn't stop bugging me about putting you on the same team as her," Chris explained.

"Actually Chris, it IS an all-girls team," Duncan said slyly. Chris chuckled while Cody fumed.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Cody.**

"I do NOT like Duncan," Cody snapped. "Seriously, what does Courtney see in him?"

"You wouldn't understand!" Courtney shouted from outside the confessional. Cody gulped in fear.

* * *

"Tyler, Izzy, Owen, Alejandro, Duncan, Noah, Trent, Topher, Tom, Jen, Crimson, Ennui, Justin, Jo, Anne Maria, B, Beardo, Cameron, Devin, Ryan, Stephanie, Brick, Phil, Mike, Rock, Spud, Dave, and Scott, you are Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Ryan.**

"Really?" Ryan asked skeptically.

* * *

"And the rest of you, you are Team Victory!"

* * *

 **Confessional - Mickey.**

"As soon as he called it Team Victory, I knew we were screwed," Mickey said, worried. "Especially because Jay and I are on it. We're bad luck magnets!"

He fell into the toilet. "See what I mean?...Help."

"Don't worry, I got you," Jasmine O. said from outside. She entered the confessional and helped him out of the toilet.

"Thanks."

"You're gonna wanna change your pants."

* * *

"Part one of our challenge is a race to Climate Hall!" Chris said, showing the kids a picture of a large building. "This building is in the heart of Wawanakwa Island. It's got state-of-the-art weather-manipulating technology and will allow us to have summer challenges in the winter, or in this case winter challenges in the last few days of summer. But be careful – Chef's going to be dropping ice cubes on you via drones [he showed them a picture of said drones], and you'd best want to avoid them. The team that reaches the hall first wins! But before you do, please go back to your cabins and change into appropriate winter clothing. It's going to get cold in there, and I don't want your parents suing me if you lose a toe."

Geoff looked down at his flip-flop-clad feet. "I'm so glad I brought boots, otherwise these guys would NOT serve me well."

"I agree," Bridgette said, looking at her own feet, as did all the other contestants who were wearing sandals. Which was a large number of the other contestants.

"Envy us, suckers," Josee grinned. She and Jacques were already in winter gear since they wanted to be ice dancers later in life.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Josee.**

"Jacques and I just LOVE skating," Josee swooned. "If this challenge is what I hope it is, he and I are going to win for sure! Oh, and the rest of our team will too, I guess."

* * *

 **Team Amazon: Cody, Heather, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Jasmine T., Eva, Dawn, Beth, Emma, Kitty, Zoey, Tammy, Dakota, Mary, Ellody, Sanders, MacArthur, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Ella, Sky, Sugar, Carrie, and Lauren.**

 **Team CIRRRRH: Tyler, Izzy, Owen, Alejandro, Duncan, Noah, Trent, Topher, Tom, Jen, Crimson, Ennui, Justin, Jo, Anne Maria, B, Beardo, Cameron, Devin, Ryan, Stephanie, Brick, Phil, Mike, Rock, Spud, Dave, and Scott. [Hey, another song lyric!]**

 **Team Victory: Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Bridgette, Zeke, Lindsay, Leshaniqua, Jasmine O., Sammy, Amy, Chet, Lorenzo, Junior, Scarlett, Max, Geoff, Brody, Brady, Lightning, Shawn, Rodney, Taylor, Jacques, Josee, Sam, Mickey, and Jay.**

* * *

 _One wardrobe shift later_

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

"Guys! We can so win this! We have a numerical advantage!" Tyler said. Indeed, his team had one more person than the other teams did.

"If you're so sure, then do you have a plan?" Scott, said numerical advantage, asked warily.

"I have a plan!" Brick announced. Everyone looked at him, intrigued. "I worked with this type of drone back in military school, so I know how they work. They may be able to carry a heavy payload, but they're very fragile. Especially the propeller blades."

"If we can throw something heavy at the propellers and break them, we can take out the drones!" Justin realized. "Great idea, Brick!"

"Yeah, everyone listen to Corporal Dampypants," Jo mocked.

"You got a better idea?" Stephanie asked.

"Well, no, but–"

"Then zip it."

Jo's jaw dropped. Everyone else laughed at her surprised expression.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Jo.**

"If we lose," Jo grumbled, "Miss Mohawk is going first."

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

"I should be the leader!" Heather snapped at Gwen.

"You? Don't make me laugh," Gwen snarked, rolling her eyes.

"And you're any better? Oh wait, that's right, you AREN'T! So shut up, Gothy McGothface, and let me lead!"

"Gothy McGothface?" Courtney burst out laughing. "Oh my GOD, Heather, that was so lame!"

"You're supposed to be on MY side. You're in my clique, remember?"

Courtney froze.

"Yeah. Thought so."

"I volunteer Jasmine as leader," Sky said finally.

"Why her?" Heather asked.

Jasmine T. walked over to the Queen Bee, who discovered that the Australian was a good foot and a half taller than her.

"That would be why," Sky said as Heather gulped.

"Alright. We need a good plan for avoiding those bleedin' ice cubes," Jasmine T. started. "Any ideas?"

Cody was about to speak (and Sierra about to listen) when Chris announced "Alright, time's up! Get a move on, campers, before the drones get ya."

"We can strategize on the way!" Lauren said, speaking up for the first time in a while, as the buzzing of propellers filled the air. "Right now we need to run!"

So they did.

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"I TOLD YOU WE WERE BAD LUCK MAGNETS!" Mickey shrieked as his team was pelted with ice cubes.

An ice cube fell, bounced off Lorenzo's head (much to Chet's amusement), and slipped into Lindsay's shirt, as she'd forgotten to change into her coat (she had remembered to switch her short skirt for pants, though). Lindsay screamed as the cold of the ice met the warmth of her bosom.

"Move your butt, Samey!" Amy panicked. "We need to get to Climate Hall first!"

"It's a little hard to run in heels!" Sammy replied, also scared. "I told you we should've packed Dad's spare pairs of hiking boots!"

"HE'S NOT OUR DAD!"

"You're stepsiblings too?" Lorenzo asked.

"No, we're twins. Unfortunately..."

"Our mom remarried. Our birth father died when we were little," Sammy explained. "I don't remember how, though."

Amy suddenly remembered a lot of emotional pain, but she put it out of her mind and focused on running.

"I feel you. My dad got cancer and died when I was eleven," Chet sighed.

"And my mom died in a car accident when I was ten," Lorenzo added sadly. He then became angry. "And then Dad remarried and made YOU my stepbrother!"

"I never asked to live with you, doofus! Now stuff it and run, we've got a challenge to win!"

A very taken aback Sammy looked at Amy once the boys had passed them. "They're like us, but dudes!"

"Shut up, Samey."

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

"Run faster!" MacArthur barked as a drone fired an ice cube at her back.

"I'm trying, but my seven-league boots aren't working today!" Tammy exclaimed, looking down at some very suspiciously Uggs-like boots covering her feet.

"They never would've! It's physically impossible for normal, everyday boots to make you run that fast! And leagues are an outdated unit of measurement anyway!" Ellody growled.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Tammy.**

"Ezekiel hath bewitched her," Tammy said quietly.

* * *

"I could use some motivational music right about now!" Eva panted. "Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to bring my oPod or my phone onto the island."

"I can sing!" Ella piped up.

"Um...I was looking for something more hardcore than Datknee movie soundtrack," Eva said.

"Something motivational-y," Dakota continued. "Like rock."

"Rock? I've not much experience with that genre, but I'll give it my best." Ella cleared her throat. Background guitars started cuing up.

"Hey, where's that music coming from?" Courtney lampshaded.

Then Ella began singing.

 _So you want to run fast, do ya?_

 _You want to get past, do ya?_

 _Well, let me tell you that there's only_

 _One way that you can._

 _So you don't want to be last, do ya?_

 _And you want to have class, do ya?_

 _Well, listen to me girl,_

 _You're gonna do what I say._

 _(brief instrumental section)_

 _Left foot, right foot, kick it up a notch,_

 _Push your muscles to their limits._

 _Left turn, right swerve, duck under that branch,_

 _If you really want to win it_

 _You're not always gonna get to take_

 _The path of least resistance_

 _But stick to what I say, dear friend,_

 _And you will have persistence._

 _(much longer instrumental section)_

 _So you want to run fast, do ya?_

 _You want to get past, do ya?_

 _Well, let me tell you that there's only_

 _One way that you can._

 _So you don't want to be last, do ya?_

 _And you want to have class, do ya?_

 _Well, listen to me girl,_

 _You're gonna do what I say._

 _Left foot, right foot, kick it up a notch,_

 _Don't forget, jump over that rock._

 _Tumble down, get back up, don't stay too long on the ground_

 _Incoming ice cubes at five o'clock!_

 _Trust me, I know, it's sometimes hard,_

 _For your insecurities to diminish._

 _But you're strong, my friend, and if you believe in yourself..._

"...You just might get to finish," Ella ended. Team Amazon was now in first place at the door of the Climate Hall.

"WOW!" Chris exclaimed. "Team Amazon gets an early lead! Will they keep it, though? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"Welcome back to Total Drama!" Chris announced to the viewers. "Team Amazon, in full winter clothing and running at 22.4 kmph (that's 14 mph for you American viewers), has gotten to the Climate Hall first, all thanks to Ella's beautiful singing voice." He cried a little. "I'm sorry, it was just too beautiful!"

"Wow, that was amazing, Ella!" Zoey complimented.

Ella blushed. "Oh, it was nothing."

"No, it was really something!" Beth rebuked. "You've got killer pipes in that neck!"

"We've been considering adding a female singer to the Drama Brothers," Cody told her. "I think Harold, Trent, and Justin would really consider you for the spot."

"Awwww, you're all too kind!" Ella smiled.

But one Amazonian didn't agree.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Sugar.**

"I remember Ella usin' that singin' o' hers to tame the shark in the first challenge," Sugar seethed, "and she used it to win the last one. I intend on winnin' this here pageant, and no chicken-legged, sunshine and rainbows sing-songy pansy is gonna stop me."

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

"NOW!" Brick barked. Duncan and Jo aimed their slingshots at the propeller blades of one of three incoming drones and fired rocks at them. The drone spiraled out of control and collided with the others, sending all three into a fiery downward plummet of death.

Chef, who was standing in front of Climate Hall with the remote in his hands, smiled. "Good show, maggots. Way to outthink me."

"Sir yes sir!" Brick saluted.

* * *

Eventually, Team Victory, covered in bruises and scratches, caught up. Lindsay had a heating pad sandwiched between her breasts (where she got it, no one knew) and shivered more than the others did.

"Hey, Linds, you forgot your coat," Tyler said. "You can have mine if you like."

"You sure, Tykeith? Won't you get cold in Climax Hill?"

"I'm used to wearing summer-y clothes in cold weather thanks to football," Tyler reassured her as he took it off. "I'll be fine." Lindsay accepted the coat and put it on.

"Hey! Don't help the other team," Jo growled at Tyler.

"I never said anything about sharing winter clothes," Chris clarified.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Tyler.**

"I think I really made an impression on Lindsay with my kindness to her," Tyler said confidently. Then he frowned. "Assuming she remembers it, that is."

* * *

"Speaking of which, here's the reason you'll need them." Chris opened the door to Climate Hall, revealing the inside was full of snow, some of which had been sculpted into three massive, gravity-defying forts. "You're going to have a big old-fashioned snowball fight against the other teams. Last team with members who haven't gotten hit by snow wins. First team to get all its members hit by snowballs OR pieces of their fort faces elimination. Since Team Amazon came here first, they get the advantage of a snowball launcher!"

Chris began to leave Climate Hall. "I'll be back later. Have to catch up with my wife. Chef is in charge until I'm back."

Chef put on a parka and closed the door after Chris was gone, then sat in front of it. "If you're out, stand over here!" he ordered.

"Sir yes sir!" Brick agreed.

The teams went to their respective forts, identified by flags. Team Amazon's had a Venus symbol in pink, Team CIRRRRH's had Chris' face in blue, and Team Victory's had a trophy in dark orange.

Chef blew his whistle. "BEGIN!"

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

Team Amazon elected to man and guard the snowball launcher in shifts. The rest of them would protect their fort and occasionally go after people in the other teams.

Suddenly, the chaos began when a snowball rocketed through the air and hit Sadie square in the face. "Fat Girl is out!" Chef barked.

Katie saw Brady and Chet high-fiving. "Excellent range, dude!" Chet said.

"Thanks! I've been working on my pitching skills so I can get on the baseball team," Brady replied.

"You are so dead!" Katie growled, making two snowballs and throwing them at the boys, but they never hit them.

"Ha ha! Missed us!" Chet taunted.

"Oh, did I?" Katie said slyly, wiggling her eyebrows deviously.

It was at that moment one of Team Victory's snow gargoyles, which Katie had knocked loose with her snowballs, fell off the fort and onto the boys.

"Half-shaven Dweeb! Model Boy! You're out!"

Katie smirked, then waved to Sadie. "I avenged you, Sadie!"

"Thanks!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Sadie.**

"Katie and I have been BFFFL's – that's Best Female Friends For Life – since second grade," Sadie said. "We would do ANYTHING for each other. Except get bad haircuts," she shuddered.

* * *

Lorenzo rolled his eyes. "Leave it to Chet to mess things up," he muttered, then he chucked a snowball at Team CIRRRRH's fort, specifically at Mike's head, though it lost altitude thanks to physics and landed on his shoulder.

The sudden feeling of cold water made Mike gasp, and he suddenly hunched over, dried his lips, and squinted his right eye shut. "Dangnabbit! Stupid no-good coat. You were supposed to keep me warm and dry!" he said, in a voice significantly more withered than his normal one. Then he gasped and went back to normal. "Gah! C'mon, Chester, not now!" he cursed to himself.

"Jitterbug! You're out!"

"Does he ever run out of nicknames?" Eva asked Mary.

Suddenly, both were hit in the chest by snowballs. On the other side of the room, Alejandro high-fived Ryan.

"Angry Girl! Stripey Smart Aleck! You're out!"

"...I guess that's a no?"

* * *

 **Contestants still in:**

 **Team Amazon: Cody, Heather, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Jasmine T., Dawn, Beth, Emma, Kitty, Zoey, Tammy, Dakota, Ellody, Sanders, MacArthur, Katie, Laurie, Miles, Ella, Sky, Sugar, Carrie, and Lauren.**

 **Team CIRRRRH: Tyler, Izzy, Owen, Alejandro, Duncan, Noah, Trent, Topher, Tom, Jen, Crimson, Ennui, Justin, Jo, Anne Maria, B, Beardo, Cameron, Devin, Ryan, Stephanie, Brick, Phil, Rock, Spud, Dave, and Scott.**

 **Team Victory: Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Bridgette, Zeke, Lindsay, Leshaniqua, Jasmine O., Sammy, Amy, Lorenzo, Junior, Scarlett, Max, Geoff, Brody, Lightning, Shawn, Rodney, Taylor, Jacques, Josee, Sam, Mickey, and Jay.**

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

"So what's with the princess getup?" Ellody asked Ella out of curiosity.

"Oh, I've always been a big fan of Datknee movies ever since I was little!" Ella replied perkily. She absentmindedly threw a snowball, which hit Sam in the knee ("Gameboy! You're out! Heh heh, gameboy."). "Plus, like the princesses in those movies, I see the good in everyone."

"Ah. Um...a few days ago, I saw you watch the LARPers cast their bullcrap spells. Why?"

"They asked me to. And I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I know magic isn't actually real, but I didn't want to say that in front of them."

"Fair enough." Ellody threw a snowball at Ennui, which hit him in the arm. He did not react.

"Creepy Boy! You're out!"

Inside the fort, MacArthur was having fun manning the snowball launcher, but her aim left much to be desired. Tammy guarded it from other teams who'd want to steal it, although internally she was preoccupied with something else.

"Okay, my shift's up," MacArthur announced. "Emma, it's your turn. Hey Tammy, you sure you don't want a go at this thing? It's super fun, I'm not gonna lie."

"Oh no, I have...other things to worry about."

"Suit yourself." MacArthur left, Emma took her place at the launcher, and then Tammy left the fort entirely, allowing Courtney to take her place guarding it.

"She'd better not be going after Zeke," Heather groaned, watching Tammy leave.

"Why would she go after him? I've talked to him a little, and he seems alright, if not a bit naive," Carrie asked.

"Leonard is Tammy's boyfriend. They met when they got shoved into the same locker in eighth grade. Tammy thinks Zeke is cursed and ran Leonard off the island."

"Oh. Wait, how did you–"

"Know how they met?" Heather laughed evilly. "Silly, stupid sophomore." She began walking away.

"I'm the one who put them there."

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

"Keep those snowballs coming, B!" Brick ordered. B was methodically making a huge stockpile of snowballs that the rest of his team used against the others.

Izzy chose a more direct approach. "One for you [paff], one for you [spliff], one for you [squelch], and one for you [splat]." She'd gone and shoved snowballs down the shirts of Brody, Geoff, Sammy, and Zoey about to strike out Rodney.

"Surf Dummy! Party Boy! Twin Pushover! Hipster Pants! You're out!"

"Hipster Pants?" Zoey raised an eyebrow.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Chef.**

"I was runnin' outta ideas, alright?"

* * *

SPLAT! "Clumsy Boy! You're out!"

Noah watched Tyler leave after one of the snowballs from the launcher nailed him on the foot. "I'm going to go after whoever's manning that thing," he said finally.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, can you do the Wodeyar Wallop?" Izzy asked excitedly.

"Why should he?" Scott asked.

Noah sighed. "Famous pitcher Samir Wodeyar is my eldest brother."

His team gasped.

"Now you HAVE to do it!" Izzy proclaimed triumphantly.

Noah groaned. "Izzy, you KNOW athletics and I don't mix. Owen, back me up on this."

"They really don't," Owen said honestly, "but actually, I wanna see it too."

Noah facepalmed. "Fine, but you only get one." He took a deep breath, raised a snowball over his head, made a noise, then threw it.

At the same time, Emma aimed at him and fired a snowball at him.

Their eyes briefly met.

Then their snowballs whacked each other in the face, ruining the moment and knocking both onto their butts.

"Uptight! Snarky Boy! You're out!"

* * *

 **Contestants still in:**

 **Team Amazon: Cody, Heather, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Jasmine T., Dawn, Beth, Kitty, Tammy, Dakota, Ellody, Sanders, MacArthur, Katie, Laurie, Miles, Ella, Sky, Sugar, Carrie, and Lauren.**

 **Team CIRRRRH: Izzy, Owen, Alejandro, Duncan, Trent, Topher, Tom, Jen, Crimson, Justin, Jo, Anne Maria, B, Beardo, Cameron, Devin, Ryan, Stephanie, Brick, Phil, Rock, Spud, Dave, and Scott.**

 **Team Victory: Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Bridgette, Zeke, Lindsay, Leshaniqua, Jasmine O., Amy, Lorenzo, Junior, Scarlett, Max, Lightning, Shawn, Rodney, Taylor, Jacques, Josee, Sam, Mickey, and Jay.**

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"I've had some snowball fights with me dad back hoome," Zeke said to Leshawna. "I think I have pretty good aim." He chucked a snowball, but it didn't go very far.

"Your range could use some work, though" Leshawna pointed out.

Harold pulled out a set of nunchakus from his coat pocket and used it to smack a surprisingly hard snowball away from his face. "Alright, who threw that slushball?"

Chef blew his whistle. "Two-minute penalty for Pretty Boy Thinks He's Attractive! Can't throw snowballs for two minutes or your whole team is disqualified. Oh, and Punk, you're out!"

"What? Since when were we not allowed to throw slushballs?" Duncan asked, disappointed.

"Since now. Heh heh heh," Chef chuckled.

Then _Chef_ got hit in the face with a snowball.

"And a two-minute penalty for Strong Girls and Geek Teeth! Bandanna Girl, you're out!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Miles.**

"I'm pretty sure whatever that brown goo is that Chef serves us isn't vegan. Or fit for human consumption in general," Miles said simply. "It was a calculated risk, but it made my teammates laugh."

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

Indeed it did. MacArthur, Heather, and Kitty took the time to laugh at Chef's misfortune, but then all three got pelted with snowballs courtesy of Geoff and Leshawna. "Bad Cop! Diva Face! Selfie Addict! You're out!"

"These nicknames are undignified," Heather snarked.

"Neither is your ungodly short shirt," Gwen retorted. "I'm going to find Tammy. I think she's going to go after Zeke and jeopardize our team."

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"There you are!" Tammy growled, having made it to the Victory Fort and having found Zeke. "Now, which spell should I use to turn you into a toad like you are inside?"

Zeke gulped and began to run away.

"Tammy!" Gwen barked. Tammy turned around and frowned at the goth. "Don't go after him. Miles got us a penalty – even though it _was_ pretty funny to see Chef suffer – and if you violate that, we're disqualified!"

"I'll just use a mind-erasure spell on the cook. Ezekiel shall pay for his curse destroying the magic!" And Tammy began throwing snowballs at him. Luckily, she had the opposite problem he did: she had good range, but bad aim. Zeke quickly dodged them.

Chef blew his whistle. "Thanks to Viking Lady, Team Amazon is disqualified! Team Victory gets the snowball launcher as compensation for having a frightened Prairie Boy!"

"TAMMY!" the entire rest of Team Amazon screamed at her.

"I know, I'm sorry I didn't get Ezekiel."

Her team responded by covering her in snowballs.

* * *

"Whoa, what happened here?" Chris asked when he came back. All of Team Amazon stood near Chef, glaring at Tammy. Well, except Ella, who looked more concerned.

"They messed up. Now Victory's got the snowball gun."

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"We shouldn't be trusted with this thing!" Mickey gulped as he and Jay were given the snowball launcher.

"Listen to us! We break everything!" Jay added.

"Which means you can break _anything_ ," Lorenzo replied curtly. "Use your weakness as a strength. Figure out what thing can you break that would let our team live up to its name."

Jay spied a crack in the snow of Team CIRRRRH's fort. "I see a weak spot! Mickey, aim the launcher at that crack! If we get it, it'll knock down the fort and take out the other team!"

"Sure thing, bro!" Mickey pushed the tube of the launcher and held it steady for his equally skinny brother. Jay fired a single snowball at the crack.

It hit.

And a fort came tumbling to the ground.

"Team I'm Awesome, you're not! Team Victory wins!" Chris called to the dazed remains of Team CIRRRRH.

Team Victory cheered.

"Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot, you abided by your penalty and came down second, you're safe! Team Amazon! Meet me at the campfire at eight. You're voting someone out!"

"Um, Chris, is it alright if I abstain from voting?" Ella asked. "I don't want to upset anyone."

"Sure. I have no rule against not voting."

"Kiss-up," Sugar muttered.

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"Dude! The way you helped the Adversity Twins? Awesome!" Chet complimented Lorenzo once everyone had reunited with their teams and making their way back to the cabins

"Thanks! I think our win makes up for your failure."

The two fist-bumped. "Maybe we're not such bad teammates after all," Chet said.

"We can try being friends. I mean, what do we have to lose?"

"So much for them being like us, but dudes," Sammy remarked to Amy.

"Again, Samey, shut up."

Sammy looked hurt.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Katie.**

"I like roleplaying as much as the next girl, but this has got to stop," Katie said, writing TAMMY on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Carrie.**

"You're really mean, and I don't like how you treat others," Carrie said, writing HEATHER on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Tammy.**

"I suspect the witch may be in cahoots with Ezekiel," Tammy said, writing GWEN on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Sugar.**

"Suck it, Ella!" Sugar roared, writing ELLA on a piece of paper.

* * *

"Here's how the elimination process works," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Team Amazon saw a plate of twenty-seven marshmallows, five of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can raise the drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Cody, Courtney, Jasmine, Eva, Dawn, Beth, Emma, Kitty, Zoey, Dakota, Mary, Ellody, Sanders, MacArthur, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Sky, Sugar, Carrie, and Lauren."

Once they all had their marshmallows, Chris pointed to, for the first time, two blue marshmallows instead of the usual one. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. We have two such people for a change: Ella and Sierra." Both were confused, but shrugged it off and got their marshmallows anyway. Sugar stopped eating and looked up, marshmallow all over her face, and groaned when she realized no one else had voted for Ella.

"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Gwen, you have three votes against you."

"Sucks to be you," Heather taunted Gwen as the latter returned with the green marshmallow.

"Bite my pale, freckled rear, Heather," Gwen snarled.

Two warm-colored marshmallows remained. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're done. Tammy. Heather."

The girls looked at him.

"Tammy, your obsession with ridding the world of Ezekiels got your team kicked out of the challenge. Heather, your reputation as a conniving beotch precedes you immensely, and no one really wants to keep you around. And with seven votes against her...

...

...

...

...

"Heather is still with us!"

"[F word]," Gwen said to herself as Heather got the orange marshmallow. Zoey patted her on the back sympathetically.

"What do you have to say, Tammy?" Chris asked.

"BEWARE THE HOMESCHOOLED BOY!"

"Sure we will," Eva said sarcastically. "NOT! Seriously, since when was the last time Zeke was a threat to anyone?"

Sighing, Tammy left for the dock with the red marshmallow in her hand.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Ellody.**

"With both LARPers out of the way, I can relax," Ellody smiled. "Although at first I thought Ella was a LARPer as well, it turns out she's just a big fan of Datknee movies and hasn't lost her innocence yet. Ah, I miss those days."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Cody.**

"Don't tell Sierra, but I was the one who voted for her," Cody revealed. "I only see her as a friend, and I thought some time away from me would be good for her. She's spent so much time fixated on me that she hasn't had the chance to build an identity of her own."

* * *

"Three down. Eighty-one to go," Chris said as he stood inside the Climate Hall, which was now free of snow. "Who will get cold hard cash, and who will melt and drip to the Dock of Shame? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He leaned against the wall, accidentally pressing a button. A massive gust of wind blasted Chris and sent him flying.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Cody - Sierra  
**

 **Heather - Gwen  
**

 **Gwen - Tammy  
**

 **Courtney - Tammy**

 **Sierra - Gwen  
**

 **Jasmine - Heather**

 **Eva - Tammy  
**

 **Dawn - Tammy**

 **Beth - Heather**

 **Emma - Tammy  
**

 **Kitty - Tammy**

 **Zoey - Heather**

 **Tammy - Gwen  
**

 **Dakota - Tammy**

 **Mary - Tammy**

 **Ellody - Tammy**

 **Sanders - Heather**

 **MacArthur - Heather**

 **Katie - Tammy  
**

 **Sadie - Tammy  
**

 **Laurie - Tammy  
**

 **Miles - Tammy  
**

 **Ella - Didn't vote  
**

 **Sky - Heather  
**

 **Sugar - Ella  
**

 **Carrie - Heather  
**

 **Lauren - Tammy**

 **Results: 14-7-3-1-1 Tammy-Heather-Gwen-Ella-Sierra**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy  
**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

Alejandro knocked on Duncan's door. "Yeah?" Duncan asked from inside.

"It's me."

"Alejandro? What do you want?"

"I have a proposition for you."

Duncan opened the door and glared at him. "If it's not trashing wherever Chris lives on this island, forget it."

"It isn't, but it may be something you like even better. How about joining my alliance of myself, Devin, and Ryan? Stick with me, and we can get rid of Courtney for good."

"Now you're talking," Duncan grinned. "I'm in."

"Excellent."


	9. 1-4: Not Quite Famous

**Review time!**

 **Yeezynight14: Glad you think so. Duncan joining the Guy's Alliance will be important, for the circumstances behind his eventual elimination will lead directly to Alejandro's. Tammy was the last contestant I disliked enough to easily eliminate (well, besides Sugar, but I need Sugar for later), so she was a gimme. Zeke can relax for now.**

 **Guest: Again, you're going to have to be patient.**

 **That British Guy: In the original TDWT Team Victory was actually the first team to WIN a challenge. Hence their victory here.**

* * *

 _Tuesday, September 19, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – snow in September! [Sadie getting hit in the face by a snowball] Don't worry, the climate hasn't been messed up that badly yet. Three teams – Amazon [Jasmine T. asserting herself as leader], I'm 4x-really Hot [Brick coming up with the plan to take out the drones], and Victory [An ice cube landing between Lindsay's breasts] raced to the climate-controlled Climate Hall. [Climate Hall] Thanks to Ella's vocals [Left Foot, Right Foot], Team Amazon got an early lead and got a snowball launcher [MacArthur getting carried away with said snowball launcher] to participate in a snowball fight. But Tammy's obsession to get rid of Ezekiel for supposedly eliminating her beloved Leonard [Tammy going after Zeke] cost her team the win because she violated their penalty [Miles hitting Chef with a snowball] and got herself thrown out. [Tammy's elimination] Though I'm with Gwen, seeing Chef get abused is _hilarious_."

"Hey!" Chef said from somewhere offscreen.

"Since we don't like to waste weapons, Team Victory was given the snowball launcher as compensation and Lorenzo motivated the Adversity Twins to, as the team's name suggests, victory. [Team Victory winning]" Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Eighty-one contestants remain. Who will score a million big ones, and who will be sent to the Dock of Shame in disgrace? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of strange blue and pink flowers, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Team Victory_

Behind the good cabin, DJ inspected the mysterious nine-petaled flowers. He sniffed a pink one. "This one smells like wet sand." Then he sniffed a blue one. "This one smells like cheese. Must be all that pollen," he said, his nose dusted in orange from the flower's sizeable stamens. He sneezed. "Hey Harold, what do you think these flowers smell like?"

"Why do you ask?" a passing Harold asked.

"I'm thinkin' these flowers might be messin' with people's heads."

"Oh, so you're, like, doing a science experiment. Cool. I'll help you." Harold bent down and sniffed a blue flower. "Cheese, specifically muenster." He sniffed a pink flower. "Blueberries and pomegranates... _Leshawna_ ," Harold sighed dreamily, his pupils dilating to their maximum size. He then wandered off to find Leshawna, only to get sprayed by a skunk he'd ran into. The stench made Harold go back to normal. "OH GOSH!" DJ heard him scream when he realized what he smelled like.

DJ looked back at the flowers. His eyes narrowed.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– DJ.**

"So the pink flowers obviously make people want to be with the person they love the most more than anything else in the world," DJ mused. "And not everyone's affected because the pink ones don't smell the same to everyone. Really strong smells make the affected go back to normal." He thought some more. "I'm gonna have to look into this some more." He looked at the camera. "Oh yeah, and Harold has a crush on Leshawna, but my classmates and I already knew that."

* * *

 _The Cafeteria_

 _Team CIRRRRH_

Alejandro grumbled as he poked at some weird purple goo. " _Morado_ goop is a nice change of pace from _marron_ goop," he muttered, "but goop is still goop."

Owen, meanwhile, shoveled an enormous lump of purple into his mouth no problem.

"Meh," Duncan said, chewing on a piece of the stuff. "I've had worse in juvie."

"I've been meaning to ask you this, but how did you get sent there, exactly?"

"I burned a guy's mansion down."

" _Impresivo_."

"I know, right? You wouldn't _believe_ how many nonflammable things he had in there," Duncan grinned proudly. Suddenly, he became serious. "When should we vote off Courtney?" he whispered to the Latin Mastermind.

"Patience, Duncan. If we are on the same team as her and she flubs, our alliance will be concealed easily. If all of our alliance is on the same team as her, even better our chance of ridding ourselves of that priss. We just have to wait for the right circumstances."

"Campers! Report to the Crafts Theater for challenge number four!" Chris' voice came from the PA system. "Fore!"

"So much for waiting," Duncan smirked. He and Alejandro set down their trays, most of the purple goo untouched.

"You going to eat that?" Owen asked from behind them.

Alejandro and Duncan turned around and stared at him.

"What?" Owen, his mouth covered in purple dye, asked.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Heather.**

"I need to get back on Alejandro's level," Heather said. "His alliance is going to have to strike sooner or later. I need to even the playing field for me. I need to make an alliance."

* * *

The Crafts Theater was a little ways away from the VR machine. It consisted of an enclosed stage with multiple smaller lots surrounding it. It was a single story, short and flat in structure, and had a flag with Chris' face on it hanging from the front entrance, where the kids had gathered.

"How narcissistic can this guy get?" Cody asked himself as he stared at the flag.

"I don't know, but I don't wanna find out," Dave replied.

Chris, dressed in a suit instead of his normal clothes, approached them. "Does everyone know what a talent show is?"

"A talent show?! Oh my goodness, we're doing a talent show?!" Zoey asked excitedly.

"Um, yeah Chris, we know what a talent show is, we're not exactly five-year-olds," Courtney snarked, drawing a few chuckles from the others. Gwen even laughed before catching herself.

Chris glared at her. "Anyway, we're going to show off just what you're made of. I will break you into nine teams of nine apiece and assign each team a specific area of expertise, and you may not stray from that area or you're disqualified. You have eight hours to come up with an act involving ONE of you to perform in front of Chef. The team whose talent scores the most points wins. The team that loses votes someone out.

"Now for teams. Cody, Sam, Cameron, Mary, Ellody, Trent, B, Harold, and Miles, you will have Math Talent!

"Gwen, Heather, Jasmine O., Lindsay, Tom, Justin, Sanders, Sugar, and Dave, you will have Reading Talent!

"Noah, Emma, Dawn, Shawn, Scarlett, Chet, Mike, Kitty, and Scott, you will have Science Talent!

"Courtney, Laurie, Beardo, Zeke, Izzy, Zoey, Lauren, Taylor, and MacArthur, you will have Music Talent!

"Devin, Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Duncan, Leshaniqua, Carrie, Josee, and Stephanie, you will have Videogames Talent!

"Amy, Samey, Max, Bridgette, Topher, Sierra, Crimson, Ennui, and Jen, you will have Art Talent!

"Leshawna, Jacques, Phil, Ella, Anne Maria, Beth, Katie, Sadie, and Dakota, you will have Dance Talent!

"DJ, Owen, Rodney, Lorenzo, Mickey, Jay, Junior, Spud, and Rock, you will have Food Talent!

"And Tyler, Lightning, Sky, Jo, Brick, Jasmine T., Brody, Geoff, and Eva, you will have Sports Talent! Now, I want each of you to report to the nine lots around the theater and work on your acts. At four o'clock, report to the main stage!"

* * *

 **Math: Cody, Sam, Cameron, Mary, Ellody, Trent, B, Harold, and Miles.**

 **Reading: Gwen, Heather, Jasmine O., Lindsay, Tom, Justin, Sanders, Sugar, and Dave.**

 **Science: Noah, Emma, Dawn, Shawn, Scarlett, Chet, Mike, Kitty, and Scott.**

 **Music: Courtney, Laurie, Beardo, Zeke, Izzy, Zoey, Lauren, Taylor, and MacArthur.**

 **Videogames: Devin, Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Duncan, Leshaniqua, Carrie, Josee, and Stephanie.**

 **Art: Amy, Sammy, Max, Bridgette, Topher, Sierra, Crimson, Ennui, and Jen.**

 **Dance: Leshawna, Jacques, Phil, Ella, Anne Maria, Beth, Katie, Sadie, and Dakota.**

 **Food: DJ, Owen, Rodney, Lorenzo, Mickey, Jay, Junior, Spud, and Rock.**

 **Sports: Tyler, Lightning, Sky, Jo, Brick, Jasmine T., Brody, Geoff, and Eva.**

* * *

 _Math_

"I have a good feeling about this," Trent said to his team.

"Don't tell me this is about your nine obsession again," Cody joked.

"I am not obsessed! Nine's just my lucky number. Think about it. Having nine songs on our albums makes them long enough to keep people interested, but short enough not to bore them."

"Fair enough," Cody conceded. "Anyone have an idea for an act?"

"I could beat-box, since music involves a lot of math," Harold offered.

"I think Chris already closed that loophole," Miles replied warily. "We should look for something else." She started to leave. "I'll go get a clipboard from my cabin so we can write ideas down."

B began pondering and lumbered off to think.

"I'll go see what B's up to," Trent said. "You guys behave yourselves." He walked off to join the Silent Inventor.

"Hey, we're all in the same social group," Mary realized. "Guys! We're all Geeks! We should totally make an alliance!"

"That's a great idea!" Cameron exclaimed. "That way, if all six of us vote together, we're more likely to get rid of strong competition! I accept!"

"So do I!" Sam grinned.

"I'm game," Ellody said calmly.

"I'll do it!" Cody said.

"Whoop whoop, represent!" Harold joined in.

* * *

 _Reading_

"I hope our talent isn't reading my DIARY," Gwen muttered, glaring at Heather.

"Why would she do that?" Tom asked Sanders.

"Heather came to our district in eighth grade, got ahold of Gwen's diary, and read it in front of their homeroom," Sanders replied. "That's why they're such vehement rivals."

"Oh, I got you."

"Guys, chill," Jasmine O. said. "Leave this to me. I've been in theater since I was a little girl, I've got this."

"You still need something to READ, though," Dave pointed out.

"You can read Gwen's diary!" Sugar offered.

Gwen facepalmed.

"I can write something," Justin volunteered. "I'm the lyricist for my band, so I have a lot of experience with it."

"Good!" Jasmine O. beamed.

* * *

 _Art_

"Do you think I could put together a really cute outfit for my talent?" Jen asked Bridgette.

"I don't know...Chris said we should stick to our assigned field," Bridgette replied. "I don't want us to get disqualified on a technicality."

"Chris never listed fashion as one of the talents, though," Topher pointed out. "So technically, we could still do it because it was never established as something only one team could do."

"You seem pretty sure about this."

"Of course I am. I've binge-watched every episode of the six shows and both of the movies that Chris did. He's a big fan of little loopholes like the one I described."

"Well of course YOU know everything about him," Amy grumbled, "you're practically gay for McLame-o."

"I am not! And I am perfectly straight, thank you very much, no offense to the LGBT of course."

"Prove it, then. Prove you're not gay for Chris."

Topher responded by walking over and kissing Amy full on the lips. As soon as he was done, Amy gagged and started wiping off her mouth while Topher grinned in triumph. "That enough proof for ya?"

"It's going to be a long day," Ennui sighed emotionlessly as he and Crimson watched Amy lunge at the Reality TV Fan and knock him to the ground, whilst Sammy began hitting her head against the wall in frustration.

"Agreed."

* * *

 _Food_

"There's so many guys here," Mickey whispered.

"It's ONLY guys here," Jay whispered back. Both were intimidated by the size of many of their teammates. "What's up with that?"

"Rodney, that's what," Rock replied, he and Spud deciding to drop in on the conversation. "The dude's like, 'That girl is cute, I wonder if she's interested in me'. Like, most of the time."

"On the path of love, he is blind, and he often trips over the roots of the false positive trees," Spud added.

"So then Jen was like, 'Ew, I'm scared he'll take advantage of me', and, well, here we are."

"Would he?" Jay asked, nervous of some possible answers.

"Nah, he's a softie, and if he, like, knows a girl's not interested in him, he doesn't bother going after 'em. Most of what his problem is, like, he's got seven brothers and his mom, like, left his dad a while back, so like, he doesn't know a lot about talking to girls."

"Huh," Mickey said. "Do you think we could help him?"

This question made Rock and Spud think seriously for once.

Meanwhile, DJ had quickly written up a recipe, and was beginning to leave his team's lot.

"Where are you going?!" Lorenzo asked.

"I need to talk with Scarlett. Something fishy's going on, and I need her help."

"Did Irene the bass start putting curses on you again?" The rest of his team stared at Owen in confusion.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Izzy.**

"Even I think that was one of Owen's weirdest dreams," Izzy said, "and I once dreamt that the sky was purple swirlies, I was a cowgirl wrangling smartphone chargers, and everyone else wore rutabagas on their heads. And that wasn't even the _weirdest_ of my dreams."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– MacArthur.**

"Okay, it's official, that girl has issues," MacArthur said of her teammate.

* * *

 _Videogames_

"It's a shame we don't have Sam on our team," Ryan sighed. "We'd be secured for first place for sure."

"Don't worry, Devin's pretty good at videogames, which is more than I can say for me," Carrie reassured him. Out of the corner of her eye, she spied Duncan talking to her crush, and she grimaced a little.

"Something wrong?"

"No, it's nothing. Can you go check on Stephanie? You know how competitive she gets."

"Sure thing." Ryan left, but he knew Stephanie was out trying to find a functioning console for them to use. No, where Ryan went was somewhere else...

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance_

"So," Alejandro began, his four-man alliance behind the lot, "let us call together the first official meeting of the _Coalicion de los Hombres_ , and let us begin. Who on our team is the weakest link?"

"Uh..."

"Besides you, Devin."

"I dunno...I don't think Ryan would be happy if I voted for Stephanie."

"And I'm not voting for Carrie," Ryan replied. "She could help us out."

"She's a goody-goody like Courtney, only with less of a spine," Duncan retorted. Devin's eyes narrowed in anger.

"Duncan, calm down," Alejandro said. "We still have the option to vote out either Josee or Leshaniqua. Both are headstrong, tough, and intelligent, and this will make them tough opponents. Thoughts?"

"I joined this alliance so I could get out from under Jacques and Josee," Devin confessed, "so I'd go with Josee."

"Hey guys, whatcha doin'?"

"AAAAAH!" the four screamed. Brady, who was wandering around behind the lot, had overheard them.

" _Dios_! I forgot about him," Alejandro cursed. To Brady he said, "This is none of your business. Please leave."

"Actually, we've got an alliance. You want to join?" Ryan asked.

"WHAT?!"

"Cool! I'm in!" Brady smiled.

"Ryan," Alejandro growled, "why would you-"

"Wait. Our team has nine people. Five is more than half of nine." Duncan looked at Ryan and smiled. "You wanted to give us a majority, didn't you?"

"Guilty as charged."

Alejandro thought it over and smiled. "I must say, I did not think we'd need a majority. But Ryan is right. With five people voting the same way, our alliance is bound to triumph. Thanks, _compadre_."

"Don't mention it."

"Alright, so..."

As they talked, Heather, who'd left her team to go to the bathroom, saw everything and scowled. "That tears it. I'm forming an alliance of my own. But first, I gotta pee."

* * *

"One hour down, seven to go," Chris said. "Will the Guy's Alliance come through, or will Devin be kicked out?"

"Hey!"

"Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

 _Science_

"Do any of us have like, lab equipment or something?" Chet asked. "We're probably going to need it."

"I have some back in my cabin," Scarlett replied, "and I think there's some in the Schoolwork Area. But we shouldn't go looking for it until after we've decided on our talent."

"I could explain how zombies are created," Shawn offered.

"That's not true science," Scarlett replied.

"Yes it is! The zombie apocalypse is gonna come. I know it."

Scarlett sighed.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Noah.**

"In case you haven't noticed, Shawn has a phobia of zombies," Noah explained. "In all honesty, I really don't want to be here. A million bucks would be nice, but not if it means sticking with the same nuts I've been stuck with all my life."

* * *

Dawn was walking along while looking down at the ground, trying to find some interesting rocks in case they needed to stoop to geology. But she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings, and wound up bumping into something big, warm, and soft. She looked up and saw a towering Jamaican-Canadian looking down at her sheepishly.

"I am so sorry," he apologized. "I didn't see you down there. You alright?" He paused. "Uh..."

Dawn, who had been quietly blushing, snapped back into reality. "No, no, it's alright, I wasn't looking where I was going. Y'know, I've seen you around school, but we've never been formally introduced. I'm Dawn, the Moonchild."

"DJ, the Brickhouse with Heart. You know where Scarlett is? I need to talk with her."

"Why? Aren't you on another team?"

"I found something that's bigger than all of us," DJ replied. "And it could hurt a lot of people. I need help finding out what it is so we can stop it."

Dawn's blush returned. "I will take you to her."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Dawn.**

"His aura is so teal!" Dawn squealed. "Not only is that my favorite color, but it's also the one associated with compassion! I think I've met my true love!"

* * *

"Whoa, DJ, are you trying to sneak a look at what we're doing?" Chet asked, surprised at seeing DJ in his team's lot.

"What? No! I needed Scarlett's help."

"You rang?" Scarlett asked, appearing behind him.

DJ jumped. "Ah! Oh, right, yeah, I did. I found these freaky flowers behind the good cabin. Some smell like cheese, and some smell like wet sand."

"I smelled that too, actually," Noah mentioned. "I _thought_ we were a little far from the beach."

"And get this: some people think they smell fruity. Then they go after whoever they love most. Only things that smell really strong can stop them."

Scarlett's eyes widened. "What do these flowers look like, exactly?"

"The plants are short, and the flowers have nine petals. Some are blue, and some are pink."

Scarlett grimaced. "If those plants are what I think they are, we're going to be in a lot of danger. Noah, Emma, I need you to collect a sample of a blue and a pink flower each." She produced two glass specimen jars and two flowerpots and handed them over. "And be careful. Noah's obviously immune, but we don't have a way to determine if Emma is. Short of ripping open her skull, that is."

"Well, that got dark quickly," Emma snarked. This caught Noah's attention.

"Wait, what about our talent?" Mike asked while Noah and Emma left.

"We'll just throw something together with colored fire. This takes priority," Scarlett said gravely.

* * *

 _Videogames_

"I got the consoles!" Stephanie announced, walking into her team's lot with some videogame consoles.

"Alright!" Ryan said. "I knew I could count on you, Steph." Stephanie beamed. "Devin, try each one out and see which works best for you."

Devin walked over and took one of the consoles. "Hey, is there a TV or something I can use to practice?"

"I found a TV," Carrie said, pushing over an old-fashioned TV with a disk slot on the bottom. "I don't know if Chris will provide us with a game, though."

"He would have to," Alejandro pondered. "He didn't allow any electronic devices of our own on the island, and the only computers are in the Schoolwork Area."

"And their wifi is crap," Duncan muttered.

"Hey everybody! Look what I found under the floorboards!" Brady called. He ran over and showed some videogame CDs.

"Way to go, Brady!" Devin said. "Okay, now we just need to figure out which-"

"No time fo' that!" Leshaniqua barked. She shoved a random console into his hands. "We need you to practice. So get your game on, Devin!"

Devin gulped, frightened of her temper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Leshawna.**

"My family's always put pride in being tough and stubborn," Leshawna grinned. "It keeps us alive. Though I think Leshaniqua takes it a bit more seriously than the rest of us," she admitted.

* * *

 _The good cabin_

Noah and Emma had finally made it, and saw the field. "Whoa," Noah said, the first time either had spoken on their journey. "How did I not see those?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Emma sniffed the air. "Wet sand. I'm safe. Start digging." They selected two that were separate from the main grove. "Listen..."

Noah looked at her.

"About what Mrs. O'Halloran probably said...I'm sorry if I got you in trouble."

"So you _didn't_ ask her to go after me?"

"No." Emma sighed. "Kitty was the one who wanted me to hang out with you guys. I kinda got turned off from having a social life after something that happened at my old school. My sister figured that we may as well start with you guys if we wanted a fresh start."

"Everyone starts as a Misfit, as you probably know. I just never bothered joining any of those stupid cliques later on. Seriously, I don't need some preppy telling me how to live my life, alright?"

"Same." Emma smiled a bit. Now for part two. "How many of you are there? Misfits, I mean."

"A lot. Owen, Tyler, Mickey and Jay, Beardo, Zeke, B, Brick, myself (duh), Mike, Rodney I'm pretty sure counts even though he's a freshman, Eva, Dawn, Ella, Carrie, Beth, Izzy, Sanders, MacArthur, and those are just the ones on this dump of an island."

"Wow. Counting me and Kitty, that's twenty-one people. A quarter of the original eighty-four. I'm surprised you haven't made an alliance yet."

"I've never been a big fan of people."

"Well, you may need to be one soon. I have an idea to stick it to Blaineley and everyone like her." She took a deep breath.

"Would you like to form an alliance with me?"

Noah was surprised and dropped his shovel. No one had ever asked to be his friend before. He didn't know how to respond. "...I'll...think about it..."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Emma.**

"Well, at least he's considering it."

* * *

Four o'clock came. All nine groups congregated in the audience. Heather was sandwiched between Courtney and Scott, and got an idea.

"Psst! Courtney! Scott!"

The two looked at her.

"Alejandro's made an alliance, and I need some help to even the odds. Would you two mind forming one with me?"

"I'm all for an alliance," Courtney whispered back, "but why us?"

"You're the most dependable of my clique. I know you don't like Lindsay much, plus she's too nice and might forget who we're voting for. Sammy's a pushover and Amy's a narcissist almost as bad as Chris. And Scott, I picked you because you're a reliable way of getting information AND a physical threat to boot."

"But why both of us?" Scott whispered.

"You dated back in ninth grade. I figured there'd be enough lingering friendliness between you two so you wouldn't try to kill each other."

"She's got a point," Scott admitted. "For old times' sake, Court?" he asked his ex.

Courtney smiled a little. "For old times."

* * *

"CAMPERS! WELCOME TO THE FIRST-EVER WAWANAKWA TALENT SHOOOOOOOOW!" Chris boomed from the front, catching everyone's attention. "Nine teams, nine talents, nine times to try to impress Chef!"

Chef sat on a stool in front of the stage. "This better be worth it," he muttered.

"We're going in reverse order so Sports! You're up!"

* * *

Sky walked along a balance beam to the other end, then cartwheeled back to the front. She repeated it, then jumped on a springboard and launched into the air.

"I've never been one for gymnastics," Chef muttered.

Then Sky came crashing down on her side. Luckily, the mat was soft, so she didn't break anything.

"But I'm all for messing them up!" he laughed. "Seven points!"

Sky groaned and limped off the stage.

* * *

"You okay?" Dave asked Sky as she sat next to him.

"I've had worse, I'll be fine. But thanks for asking."

"Food! You're up!"

* * *

The team had decided against actually cooking, since that would take far too long, but luckily they'd found a backup. This was the reason why Owen swallowed the contents of an entire bottle of grape soda before proceeding to belch the entire Greek alphabet.

"It's Greek for extra challengesies," Owen clarified.

"Not bad, I did some military work in Greece," Chef said. "Seven points."

* * *

"Okay, ew," Gwen shuddered.

"I know, right?" Leshawna tsked. "'S'what you get for having no girls on the team."

"You will THANK me later," Jen retorted.

"Dance! You're up!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Phil.**

"I wanted to give someone else a chance," Phil said, "and although Leshawna had excellent rhythm her gyrating butt lacked coordination. Also the ability to get past the censors. In the end, I think our act turned out alright."

* * *

Beth had a pair of batons and twirled them around, tossing them into the air before catching them. Although her skill was impressive, Chef didn't think so. "I don't know what the appeal of that stuff is," he grumbled. "Five points."

* * *

"Well _I_ thought it was pretty good," Brady muttered.

"At least they weren't on fire," Jacques said. "THAT would be a disaster."

"Art! You're up!"

* * *

Ennui took a piece of charcoal and a blank canvas. He began rapidly scribbling on it.

The result was a macabre portrait of himself and Crimson, and although the camera could only see their heads, Chef could see all of it. And frankly, what the camera couldn't see scared him a little.

But Chef was tough, so he calmly said "Eight points."

* * *

"We're in the lead," Crimson said flatly. "Yay."

"Don't get too emotional," Ennui replied monotonously. "Another team could still win."

"How many points can we get, anyway?" Sammy asked.

"Ten at the most, probably. Chris likes ten-pointers," Topher replied confidently.

"I still say you're gay for him," Amy grumbled, "and DON'T try to prove otherwise unless you plan on snogging Samey's ugly lips."

"Nah. It's not as funny when it's her. And besides, you're identical twins, your lips are the same."

Amy sighed in exasperation.

"Videogames! You're up!"

* * *

"Okay!" Devin said to the audience. "I'm going to play a level of a very hard racing game, one of the world's toughest to beat. How it got under the floorboards, I'll never know." He loaded the game, found his level, and started playing.

His team watched in anticipation. Devin carefully navigated his car around those the game generated. He was winning, even though he wasn't going at top speed.

Someone in the audience thought he should speed it up.

"MOVE IT!" Leshaniqua, at the front of the stage hollered. "Pick it up, kid, we haven't got all day!"

"We've got speed limits in this game, can't go over them!" Devin replied. Leshaniqua's sudden outburst had distracted him long enough for the console, which was old and falling apart, to take a life of its own and take control of the game, thrashing Devin about. Devin finally pulled on it, then suddenly crashed to the ground on his face. The car on the screen's speedometer read ERROR MPH.

"Two points," Chef replied, unimpressed.

* * *

"DEVIN!" Carrie shrieked.

"I'm okay..." a bruised Devin said wearily as he took his seat. His alliance mates all looked at Leshaniqua, then silently nodded to each other.

They'd figured out who to vote off.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Alejandro.**

"Okay, so MAYBE I told Leshaniqua to give 'encouragement' whenever Devin was going too slow," Alejandro said slyly, "and soon Devin's complete loyalty will no longer be to those ice-licking bimbos, but to me."

* * *

"Music! You're up!"

* * *

Courtney pulled out a violin and began playing. She had good skill, but had unfortunately picked a very dull piece that put everyone to sleep.

"Four points," Chef yawned before collapsing.

Chris snuck over, pulled out a jar of warm water from behind his back, and put Chef's hand into it. He slipped off as quickly as he'd come.

Chef jolted awake and found his pants were wet.

"[D WORD] IT, CHRIS!" he bellowed.

* * *

"WAKE UP!" Courtney barked, jolting Heather and Scott awake. "It wasn't that boring...was it?"

Scott responded by falling back asleep. "Figures," Courtney muttered.

"Science! You're up!

Scott perked awake. "Oh yeah, the fire thing!"

* * *

Scarlett had several salt solutions in former spraypaint cans. She shook them up, then sprayed their contents at a canvas before throwing a lit match at it. The canvas roared to life with colored fire, producing a vestige of Scarlett's face made from flame.

"WOW! Nine points!" Chef said, impressed, as the fire was put out by an intern.

* * *

"Nice work," Chet told Scarlett.

"Thanks."

"That was cool," Max complimented.

"Thanks, love."

"We got your psycho flowers," Noah deadpanned as he and Emma heaved the heavy flowerpots up. The flowers were secured in plastic cases.

"Thank you. Now I can study these in private."

"Reading! You're up!"

* * *

"Oh, Chef, how do I compare thee to a summer's day?" Jasmine O. asked, before replying, in a completely different voice, "I dunno, personally you seemed more like a winter guy to me. And that I were a glove, and could touch that cheek...not that I want to, I'm a minor and you're what, sixty?"

"Sixty-one, and a good mashup of styles," Chef said. "Six points!"

* * *

"Well that could've gone better," Sanders noted.

"I told you we shoulda read that pale twig's diary!" Sugar declared.

"Sugar?" Heather asked. "Can you do us a favor?"

Sugar beamed.

"Shut up."

Sugar's jaw dropped.

"Math! You're up! Not to mention the world's least popular subject. Can you change our minds, or will Science take the good cabins?"

"Please lose, I need to study those flowers," Scarlett said to herself, crossing her fingers.

* * *

Sam approached a blackboard. Written on it was a long and highly complicated equation. He took a breath and began writing frantically.

To his team's surprise, the audience actually took interest, and leaned on the edge of their seats. Dakota especially so, for reasons she had yet to understand.

Eventually, Sam arrived at a number. "This is the exact percentage of Chef's body that is muscle," he explained.

"Not bad! I always wanted to know how much I had. Ten points!"

"And with that, Math wins it!" Chris announced. "Never thought I'd see my worst grades in school get the best performance, but oh well."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Cameron.**

"Our alliance got our first win!" Cameron said excitedly. "I like it!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Heather.**

"First Sierra used the egos of the hosts to win, then those geeky losers do it too?" Heather scoffed. "That's so unfair!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Leshawna and Gwen.**

"She's one to talk," Gwen muttered.

"Agreed, girl. She's so dang spoiled!"

* * *

"Videogames, meet me at the campfire at eight, you're sending someone home!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Brady.**

"Oh yeah, mass vote from the Guy's Alliance coming through!" Brady declared, writing LESHANIQUA on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Carrie.**

"I'll admit, my first idea was Leshaniqua, but I think you've duped Devin into an alliance with you. And I KNOW for a fact that you're a bad influence," Carrie glowered, writing DUNCAN on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Josee.**

"That imbecile cost us the win. NO ONE costs Josee Besnard the gold!" Josee roared, writing DEVIN on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Devin.**

"I hope this works," Devin fretted, writing LESHANIQUA on a piece of paper. "I hope I spelled that right. Does spelling count?"

* * *

"Here's how elimination works," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Videogames looked at a plate of marshmallows, three of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Alejandro, Brady, Ryan, Carrie, Josee, and Stephanie."

Once they all had their marshmallows, Chris pointed to the blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Duncan, this is yours." Duncan sighed and got the marshmallow.

"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. However, today the team is so small we don't have a greenie. Instead, we're skipping directly to orange and red. Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're outta here. For the first time, we have both sexes represented in an elimination. Leshaniqua. Devin."

They looked at Chris.

"Leshaniqua, you scare people. A lot. Devin, you're not too bright, and didn't do the smart thing today, so you messed up. We don't have a tie, so with three votes against them...

...

...

...

...

"Devin is staying!"

Leshaniqua glared at her team while Devin breathed a sigh of relief. "Y'all made a big mistake. You threw out one of the strongest competitors here!"

"We know," Duncan replied simply. Leshaniqua rolled her eyes, got the red marshmallow, and stomped off.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Devin.**

"That was too close! I've really gotta step up my game. I owe Al one."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Alejandro.**

"Now I have Devin wrapped around my little finger," Alejandro smirked. "He has no idea what he's in for. None of them do." He laughed evilly.

* * *

Scarlett looked over the flowers, now stored in glass specimen jars, in her cabin, with DJ standing behind her apprehensively. Scarlett carefully lifted the lid off the pink one and sniffed it. As she put down the lid, her pupils dilated all the way. "Max..." she sighed dreamily. She got up and began to leave, but DJ, as he had been instructed, brought something extremely smelly to her face.

Which happened to be one of Brick's boots.

Scarlett coughed as the foul stench reached her nose and returned her to normal. "GAH!" She quickly composed herself. "Thank you. I almost lost control there."

"Hey, has anyone seen my spare boots?" Brick asked, stopping when he saw Scarlett and DJ. "What's going on here?"

"Sorry man, but we needed something smelly to keep Scarlett from going crazy," DJ apologized. "And your boots are the smelliest things around."

"Don't you ever bother CLEANING them?" Scarlett gagged.

"You can't be fussy when you're in the army." Brick noticed the mysterious flowers. "What are those?"

"Having run my experiments, I can safely conclude that they are lustblossoms. That they still grow here can only mean one thing."

DJ and Brick looked at each other nervously, then back at Scarlett, who had an ominous look on her face.

"The entire island is a ticking nuclear time bomb."

* * *

"Four down. Eighty to go," Chris said as he stood outside one of the cabins. "Who will be rewarded a million dollars, and who will choke and go to the Dock of Shame? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"DO YOU MIND?!" Amy shouted from inside the cabin. "SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!"

"Sheesh, touch-y," Chris muttered.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Devin - Leshaniqua**

 **Alejandro - Leshaniqua**

 **Ryan - Leshaniqua**

 **Brady - Leshaniqua**

 **Duncan - Leshaniqua**

 **Leshaniqua - Devin**

 **Carrie - Duncan**

 **Josee - Devin**

 **Stephanie - Devin**

 **Results: 5-3-1 Leshaniqua-Devin-Duncan**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

An intern was mopping the floor of one of the lots surrounding the Crafts Theater when he noticed a loose floorboard, underneath which something glowed an eerie orange. Out of curiosity, he pried it up, revealing a puddle of goo.

Stupidly, he touched it.

He screamed in pain as his body began to grow much, much bigger and hairier...


	10. 1-5: Dinosaur Pain

**Review time!**

 **Yeezynight14: Thanks! The flower subplot is part of how I incorporate the TDROTI storyline involving the island being licensed to store nuclear waste. Here, Wawanakwa USED to be a nuclear waste dump back in the 1950s before being cleaned up. But the cleanup wasn't completely thorough, and Chris' antics are causing the radioactivity in the ground to awaken.**

 **Guest: Again, you're going to have to WAIT. Ella WILL be getting a boyfriend, but not until about 2/3 of the story is completed. She needs CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT first. If you do not stop asking, I will have to ask you to leave.**

 **That British Guy: Not all of them, just Barry. The rest have average IQs.**

 **KillaKirika: My interpretation of Staci's lying extends beyond lying about her family history to lying in general, even to herself. More explanations will come in Aftermath I, which is coming in two chapters, so stay tuned. One-off characters like Staci are going to get more development in this story. Here, no one is purely good or evil...except for Chris, the story's main antagonist. Oh, and Blaineley too.**

* * *

 _Friday, September 22, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we had a talent show! [Scarlett's face of flame] But performances weren't the only thing we saw yesterday. We had a lot of alliance activity! Scott, Courtney, and Heather formed an alliance. [Heather talking to Scott and Courtney] So did the Geeks, an alliance that took their team to first place! [Sam solving the very complex equation] Emma proposed an alliance to Noah to make up for some junk that happened at the school my wife works at. [Emma and Noah at the lustblossom field] And Alejandro's guys alliance gained two members and saved Devin from being eliminated. [The first meeting of the Guy's Alliance] Instead, tough girl Leshaniqua was sent away for scaring Devin into messing up his act. [Leshaniqua's elimination]"

Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our fifth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's our first trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.

A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a jungle. A teal _Pteranodon longiceps_ with a black crest shuffled along.

"Today's challenge is going to be positively prehistoric," the pterosaur said with Chris' voice. "And before all you paleofans jump on us about why we're inaccurate, we actually did the research and everything is accurate as of this year. Look, I've even got my stubble!" he added, showing off the black fuzz on his chin. "Eighty contestants remain. Which team will be dino-mite and which will find themselves in an extinction event? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a _Microceratus_ and an _Anchisaurus_. Another came from a tree, startling a _Miragaia_. The third popped out of the ground, only to be stepped on by a _Brachiosaurus_ and reduced to dust.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

Dawn affectionately scratched a _Nodosaurus_ under the chin. Scott appeared behind her, ready to tackle her, but the _Nodosaurus_ saw him and swatted him with his tail. Duncan and Alejandro laughed at Scott's misfortune, then saw an angry bull _Triceratops_ charging them and ran away screaming.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

The Geeks were successfully training a pack of _Troodon_. Sierra attempted to sneak past the maniraptors to get to Cody, but was blocked by a passing herd of _Stegosaurus_. She screamed, only succeeding in attracting the attention of a hungry _Giganotosaurus_ , who licked her chops. Riding on the theropod's neck were Geoff and Brody, with Bridgette desperately clinging for life on her tail.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a log. Said log turned out to be an irate _Sarcosuchus_.

 _*Instrumental*_

While the four of them plummeted off a waterfall, Owen tried to grab a prehistoric fruit. Instead he got an _Archaeopteryx_ , which began to aggressively peck at him. Noah and Izzy appeared and tried to get the flailing paravian off of him.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Lightning relaxed on the back of a _Diplodocus_. The sauropod wasn't watching where she was going, forcing the rest of the Athletes to dodge her incoming feet.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

The _Stegosaurus_ had moved on, but before a tattered-looking Sierra could react a herd of _Edmontosaurus_ walked in front of her. One of them was being ridden by Kitty and Carrie, the former taking the time to take a selfie.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

A female _Styracosaurus_ took a liking to Justin and began to chase after him. Justin screamed and ran away, knocking over Max, Dakota, and a full-grown _Tyrannosaurus_ in the process. Gwen saw this and facepalmed, while behind her Lindsay cuddled with a baffled-looking _Heterodontosaurus_.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Justin continued to run away from the _Styracosaurus_ , passing Eva (riding a _Coahuilaceratops_ like a bronco), Ella (singing alongside a _Corythosaurus_ ), Shawn (nervously poking at the corpse of a _Rapetosaurus_ with a stick, much to the ire of the _Majungasaurus_ who'd killed it), and the Prescott twins (Amy was trying to get a _Euoplocephalus_ to knock over an oblivious Sammy, who was playing with a _Zephyrosaurus_ , with his tail but the stubborn ankylosaur wouldn't cooperate).

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in the middle of a bay. A _Mosasaurus_ breached over them a la Pi, only to fall on top of them and sink their boat. A pod of _Elasmosaurus_ laughed at the scene.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

A _Pterodactylus_ saw Sugar trying to do a flirty pose to Topher and promptly barfed in midair, covering Chet in fish guts. Lorenzo laughed at him, then got nabbed by the beak of a much larger _Hatzegopteryx_.

 _*Whistling*_

Back at the campfire, everyone watched Beth and Brady move in for a kiss, only for them to be interrupted by the sudden appearance of a pack of _Dakotaraptor_. Everyone freaked out.

* * *

"This thing looks so cool, dudes," Geoff said. He, Bridgette, and Brody were looking at the VR machine. "I wonder when we'll get to it."

"Me too," Bridgette said. "I was hoping we could do a surfing challenge. Or maybe something related to animals."

"Dude, I would so make a great zookeeper!" Brody exclaimed.

"Well guys, you're in luck," Chris said, appearing in the front. "Today's challenge number five, so you're going to get your first taste of virtual reality!"

* * *

Inside the building were eighty-four chairs, each with a contestant's name written on the back, in front of a canvas screen with a projector. The chairs had headsets attached to them via wires, wires which ran through the floor and into the machine. An extra eight chairs with the same setup sat to the side.

"Welcome to the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator!" Chris announced. "Please take your assigned seat." All but four of the chairs (those of the eliminated contestants) had a round circle of paper sitting on them, a paper with a symbol printed on it.

Duncan, Owen, Sanders, MacArthur, Alejandro, Scarlett, Emma, Jacques, Josee, Mary, Ellody, Tom, Heather, Anne Maria, Zoey, and B's had a blue _Mapusaurus_.

Dakota, Brady, Lindsay, Kitty, Max, Brody, Katie, Sadie, Junior, Zeke, Sierra, Mike, Lightning, Dave, Rodney, and Ella's had a red _Apatosaurus_.

Tyler, Jasmine T., DJ, Laurie, Miles, Bridgette, Leshawna, Ryan, Eva, Jo, Brick, Sammy, Shawn, Cody, Lorenzo, and Cameron's had a green _Tuojiangosaurus_.

Scott, Noah, Gwen, Crimson, Ennui, Mickey, Jay, Harold, Izzy, Justin, Sam, Topher, Stephanie, Taylor, Lauren, and Phil's had an orange _Pentaceratops_.

And Geoff, Courtney, Carrie, Devin, Jen, Trent, Jasmine O., Beth, Dawn, Amy, Rock, Spud, Chet, Beardo, Sky, and Sugar's had a purple _Jaxartosaurus_.

"Wait, these all have dinosaurs on them," Sam noted.

"Are we going to go to Cretaceous Park?" Katie asked excitedly. "I loved that movie!"

"Well sure, if you find inaccurate dinosaurs and numerous glaringly obvious plot holes entertaining," Noah said to Owen, who chuckled.

"I know. That Mr. DNA guy was SO annoying," Eva muttered.

"You're close, Katie," Chris replied. "But we're actually doing a bit of a role-reversal here. You're going to BE the dinosaurs."

Confused murmurs rumbled through the crowd.

"The premise: a wealthy company has brought dinosaurs back from the dead so it can make money off people looking at them. You are said dinosaurs."

"Wait, we're going to be ZOMBIES?!" Shawn gulped.

"Actually, we're going to be clones," Harold replied. "A zombie would be the same individual, just dead. We're going to be different beings with the same DNA as dead dinosaurs."

"Oh, well that's a relief," Shawn sighed.

Chris ignored them. "However, a rival company wants dinosaurs of its own, and the easiest way for them to get them is to steal your eggs. Your mission is to protect your eggs, and you'll want to because they're worth points. Each time you lose an egg, you lose a point. The team with the most eggs left when it's time for the poachers to leave your reserve wins the challenge.

"There are four ways you can ensure your team wins. One, keep the poachers from reaching your nest. Two, get your eggs back from the poachers should they be stolen. Three, steal eggs from another team. Four, break another team's eggs. You'd probably want to do some combination of those four ways to win.

"Now for your teams. If you got a blue circle, you are the Threatening Theropods! If you got a red circle, you are the Super Sauropods! If you got a green circle, you are the Thorough Thyreophorans! If you got an orange circle, you are the Marvelous Marginocephalians! And if you got a purple circle, you are the Ordinary Ornithopods!"

"Ordinary?!" Courtney spluttered.

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"ME?! ORDINARY?! I'm a CIT!"

"And yet no one gave a [s word]," Taylor said from outside the outhouse.

"Shut up, Taylor!"

* * *

"Before you put on your headsets, remember – you can be injured but cannot feel pain while in the VR. Dying while in the VR kicks you out of the simulation with no possibility of reentry short of restarting the whole thing. Got that?"

Everyone nodded.

"Also, VR challenges get special prizes. The winning team will get to go on a field trip, and the teams who are safe get a one-day break from Chef's cooking. The losing team votes someone out.

"Now put on your headsets! Chef and I will be joining you as pterosaurs to check in now and then. This

"Is

"NOT Cretaceous Park!"

An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a lush, warm world appeared on the canvas screen...

* * *

 _Threatening Theropods_

Owen opened his eyes. He picked up his head. His head kept rising, much higher than he was used to. Then he stood up, and his head rose higher still. Then Owen looked into a nearby river at his reflection.

Owen looked like a giant seagull, only with a tail and long arms with powerful fingers at the ends. He had yellow feathers coming from the back of his head in the shape of his hair in the real world, white feathers covering most of his body, and some teal ones on his belly and growing from his tail. His featherless legs were the color of his shorts, and his bill was the color of his skin in the real world.

"I'm a birdosaurus!" Owen exclaimed.

"Actually, you are a _Deinocheirus mirificus_ , the largest known species of ornithomimosaur," Owen heard Scarlett say. He turned around and saw a yellow _Megalosaurus_ with a literally red head and teal legs, and presumed it was Scarlett. "The rest of us should be coming shortly."

And indeed they did. A black _Tyrannosaurus_ with cream accents and green feathers on the nape of his neck (Duncan) stared in the water and admired his massive teeth. A _Therizinosaurus_ with dark pink feathers and a large black crest of feathers on her head (Anne Maria) inspected her freakishly long and somehow manicured claws. Unnoticed by the others, a _Yi_ with black feathers on the upper side of his body and red feathers on his belly (B) skittered through the tree branches, extended his wings, jumped off, and glided until he landed comfortably on Owen's head. The team gathered around a series of oblong, dark blue eggs they presumed were theirs.

"Okay," said an orange-feathered _Velociraptor_ in Emma's voice, "any ideas on strategy?"

"I believe we should use our biology to our advantage," a brown-striped-feathered _Troodon_ replied in Mary's voice. "Theropoda was the most diverse group of dinosaurs, so we can protect our eggs from the poachers on all sides. MacArthur, you're the only one of us who's semi-aquatic, so you patrol the river."

"Can do," a massive black-and-blue _Spinosaurus_ replied, walking into a nearby river and sinking underwater, leaving only her black sail visible.

"Emma, Ellody, Anne Maria, I need you on egg detail with me. As maniraptorans, our natural maternal instincts will help us protect them better."

* * *

 **Confessional – Anne Maria.**

"I guess this stump is where we do the confessionals," Anne Maria noted. She was sitting on a tree stump. "But yeah, guardin' a few eggs'll be easy. 'Sides, like I'd ruin these nails doin' work," she added, flaunting her brown-painted claws. Then she thought of something. "I wonder how much polish it took to do 'em."

* * *

"Owen and Tom, I want you to help provide the nesters with food. Alejandro, Heather, Duncan, Scarlett, Sanders, I want you to patrol our territory. If you see any poachers, you know what to do."

"And what might that be?" Alejandro, now a red _Allosaurus_ , asked.

"Eat them. You eat the poachers," Mary deadpanned. "C'mon, you're hypercarnivores in this universe, use it!"

* * *

 **Confessional - Heather.**

"I do NOT want to find out what I taste like," a dull red _Sinosaurus_ with a black crest deadpanned. "The other teams, however..."

"I wouldn't recommend that, Heather. Your jaws aren't nearly strong enough to tear through reptilian skin and muscle tissue," Ellody, here a burnt orange _Pectinodon_ with brown tail feathers, piped up.

"Shut up before I eat _you_ ," Heather threatened. Ellody cowered in fear.

* * *

"Jacques, Josee, B, Zoey, I want you to spy on the other teams. If they leave their eggs unguarded, try to see if you can take one."

"We can do that," Jacques, now a fluffy pink _Pyroraptor_ , smiled sinisterly.

"Okay, that's everyone. Break!" Mary finished. She joined the other nesters, Tom and Owen went foraging, the raiders skittered off, and the guards stomped away.

* * *

 **Confessional – Josee.**

"I don't know that much about dinosaurs," Josee, here a _Variraptor_ with the same color scheme as Jacques, began, "but I know two things that will let us triumph. One, we have all the smart competitors all together. Two," she added, "we're the only ones who all have hands."

* * *

 _Super Sauropods_

A red _Brachiosaurus_ (Brady), a red _Omeisaurus_ (Kitty), and a dark blue _Camarasaurus_ (Lightning) gaped at the sight before them.

"I know, right?!" a yellow _Argentinosaurus_ with teal hindquarters and a purple stripe running down her neck said in Sierra's voice. "Biggest dinosaur ever!"

"I'm bigger, though," a black–and-white-striped _Sauroposeidon_ with Sadie's voice pointed out.

"We were gawking at that sha-thing," Lightning said. Sierra finally turned around and her jaw dropped at the sight of an _Amphicoelias fragillimus_ , easily twice as long as Sierra was, light pink with a yellow head and neck stripe.

"What?" Dakota asked.

The rest of the team appeared, and everyone gathered around some large, gray, spherical eggs.

* * *

 **Confessional – Ellody.**

"Most dinosaur eggs were actually the same size as bird eggs," Ellody said. "But _Hypselosaurus_ eggs were the size of modern-day chickens!"

* * *

"So what do we do now, eh?" a light green _Saltasaurus_ asked in Zeke's voice.

"So dudes, here's what I'm thinking," a pink _Diplodocus_ replied in Brody's voice. "Dakota's ginormicus. What if we had her around the eggs like a living wall?"

"Well, she _is_ the biggest of us," a black _Plateosaurus_ with a red head (Junior) considered. "But what about her tail and neck? Those aren't as thick as her chest. No offense."

"None taken," Dakota replied kindly.

"That's easy, little dude. We use Rodney, Sadie, and Mike to fill the gap."

The aforementioned three nodded in approval. Rodney, now a dark blue _Malawisaurus_ with a white neck, arms, and head, suddenly became lovestruck for Dakota.

"The eggs look to be too big for anyone to carry, so they'll be totally safe," a blue-green _Isisaurus_ with black hind legs and white forelegs (Dave) mused. "The rest of us should go out and find the poachers. If you find one, stomp on them."

"That doesn't seem nice, dude," Brody said. Then everyone began to leave...very slowly.

Dave cursed to himself. "Why did I get stuck on the team with all the idiots?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Chris.**

"Science time, kiddies," Chris the _Pteranodon_ said. "Theropods were the smartest dinosaurs. Sauropods were the dumbest. I chose the teams accordingly." He laughed. "The ornithischians were a bit harder to figure out, but I think I pulled it off."

* * *

 _Thorough Thyreophorans_

"Wow," Tyler was heard saying. "I must be invincible!"

The red _Ankylosaurus_ , currently looking at his reflection in a little pool of water, certainly looked the part. Brown spikes grew from his skin, and underneath his skin were thick, durable bony plates. At the end of his tail, a black bludgeon of fused bone glinted in the sunlight.

"Don't get cocky," a dark blue _Ziapelta_ said in Eva's voice. "We're also slow-moving, in case you haven't noticed. That makes us easier to target."

"I don't know, I think some of us can run fairly fast," Cody, who'd been turned into a light yellow _Polacanthus_ with two stripes on his torso, one red and one green, put in. The team gathered around some light green eggs.

"Okay, soldiers! We need a plan of attack!" a military green _Scutellosaurus_ (Brick) began.

"Why should we listen to Brick?" a dark gray _Edmontonia_ asked in Jo's voice.

"Well, he is kinda the only one of us who has hands," a dark green _Stegosaurus_ with white plates (DJ) admitted. Indeed, it was true. Brick's dinosaur form was the only biped among the Thyreophorans.

"Eva said we're too slow to run after the poachers, and she's right. So we should wait for the poachers to come to us. Sammy, Cameron, Cody, Eva, Tyler, Ryan, Shawn, Leshawna, Lorenzo, and Jo will scour the perimeter and stage various ambushes. Miles, Laurie, Jasmine T., DJ, and Bridgette will guard the eggs. I will attempt to steal an egg from one of the other teams. That sound alright?"

"Yeah, I'm cool," Ryan, here a pink _Cedarpelta_ , said. "I should go see if the poachers are here yet. Sound good?"

"I give you permission, soldier. Thorough Thyreophorans, move out!"

* * *

 _Marvelous Marginocephalians_

"And here I thought you **couldn't** get any more thick-headed," a dark red _Archaeoceratops_ with Noah's voice snarked.

"What do you – oh, that's it," a white _Pachycephalosaurus_ with an orange dome (Scott) growled.

"Our team may fall apart. Wonderful," a black _Regaliceratops_ with warpaint-like markings all over her otherwise white face and frill (Crimson) swooned emotionlessly. Then she let out a pained squawk and sat down. A sickening series of squelches were heard, and when she got up, fifteen light brown eggs appeared under her.

Everyone looked at Ennui, here a _Styracosaurus_ , disgustedly.

Chris swooped in, in his _Pteranodon_ form from the intro, and inspected the eggs. "I have good news and bad news," he said. "Good news is, these eggs are unfertilized, so Ennui, you didn't knock her up."

"Such a relief," Ennui said monotonously. "I'm not ready for fatherhood."

"Bad news is, they don't count for points. Also, her name is no longer the only thing that's crimson, so she may want a change of clothes."

Everyone was confused.

Then they realized it.

Oh.

 **Oh.**

"I will be right back," Crimson said, disappearing from the game.

* * *

 **Confessional – Crimson (real world).**

"I was due for my period but forgot to wear a tampon today, so I bled my underwear. On national TV. I'm so embarrassed," Crimson said, although her monotone voice didn't betray these feelings. Then she spied something on the floor of the confessional and picked it up. "What do we have here?" she asked, holding up a Chris keychain like the one from Chapter 4, with JOSEE written on the back in permanent marker.

* * *

"Okay, ew," a teal _Zuniceratops_ with a brown frill (Topher) grimaced as Crimson returned.

"Wait," a dark green _Medusaceratops_ with teal stripes on her frill said in Gwen's voice. "We can use these. The poachers are looking for eggs, right?"

"Right," Noah said.

"And we lose points if we lose these eggs," she continued, pointing to the red-speckled eggs with her horns. "But the ones Crimson laid _aren't_ worth points, and the poachers won't know the difference."

"So we use these eggs as decoys to draw the attention away from our real eggs!" Sam, a light yellow _Chasmosaurus_ with a dark red frill, finished. "Genius, Gwen!"

"Thanks. Ready to part with these, Crimson?"

"I'm more than ready."

"Taylor, Lauren, Phil, Justin, Stephanie, you're guarding the eggs. Sam, Topher, Izzy, Ennui, Crimson, Harold, patrol the area and go after the poachers. Scott, you and I will set up the decoy nest. Noah, try to steal eggs from the other teams. Mickey and Jay–"

"We can't be trusted with carrying eggs!" a blue _Stegoceras_ exclaimed.

"Yeah, we'll just drop them!" a lighter blue _Prenocephale_ with a white dome added.

"Let me finish. Go to the other teams and sabotage them by breaking the eggs open with your heads."

"Oh," Jay said. "That's something we're good at. Breaking things, I mean."

"Okay, that's a wrap! Let's go, go, go!" Stephanie, here a purply-pink _Protoceratops_ , hollered, and the team went to their respective positions.

* * *

 _Ordinary Ornithopods_

"Seriously? Me, ordinary?" a gray _Edmontosaurus_ with green legs growled in Courtney's voice.

"I think Chris just ran out of space in the other teams," a greenish-teal _Hadrosaurus_ (Carrie) tried to comfort her.

"Dude! We can, like, make music with our heads!" a dark purple _Lambeosaurus_ with an orange crest (Rock) exclaimed, proceeding to make a surprisingly musical honking noise.

"Wicked," a dark purple _Saurolophus_ with a maroon head (Spud) said.

"My crest is like, so fashionable!" a light blue _Parasaurolophus_ (Jen) exclaimed as she admired her reflection.

"And I'm bigger than Samey!" a massive red _Shantungosaurus_ (Amy) declared.

"We all look super cool, brah!" Geoff, now a pink _Corythosaurus_ with blue legs and a brown crest, complimented.

"Hey y'all!"

"I stand corrected," Geoff gagged, as the rest of the team looked on in disgust at a pudgy, parasite-laden, pink _Gryposaurus_.

"What?" Sugar asked.

* * *

 **Confessional – Chet.**

"I knew Sugar had a big nose," Chet, a dark purple _Thescelosaurus_ , proclaimed, "but that was just too much nose. And all those parasites..." he shuddered.

* * *

The team gathered around a nest of sand-colored eggs.

"So what do we do?" Geoff asked.

"Well, our first order of business is assigning people to specific tasks," Courtney started.

"Who made you the leader?" Amy asked. "I'm bigger than you!"

"Which is why you're going on patrol. I can't risk your huge bulk damaging the eggs. I'll also go after the poachers, as will Beth, Carrie, Devin, Jen, Rock, and Trent. Geoff, Spud, Sugar, Beardo, Sky, you're on egg duty. Jasmine and Chet, try to raid the other teams' eggs. All good?"

Beardo, here a dark gray _Olorotitan_ with a dark brown face and crest, made an affirmative honk.

"I wanna be on patrol and stomp on my enemies!" Sugar whined.

"Sorry, but Courtney has spoken," Devin, a light green _Tsintaosaurus_ with a black crest, replied. "We should respect her decision and stick to our tasks." The patrollers and raiders left.

"Screw that prissy lawyer-girl," Sugar said. "Imma go after them poachers." She ran off.

"Ohhhh, get back here, Sugar!" Sky, a light yellow _Maiasaura_ , groaned, running after her.

"Wait for me, brah!" Geoff added, following her.

Beardo sighed. "Looks like it's just me and you, huh, Spud?"

Spud was busy rocking to himself.

"Never mind."

* * *

 **Threatening Theropods: Duncan (** ** _Tyrannosaurus rex_** **), Owen (** ** _Deinocheirus mirificus_** **), Sanders (** ** _Rugops primus_** **), MacArthur (** ** _Spinosaurus aegyptiacus_** **), Alejandro (** ** _Allosaurus europaeus_** **), Scarlett (** ** _Megalosaurus bucklandii_** **), Emma (** ** _Velociraptor mongoliensis_** **), Jacques (** ** _Pyroraptor olympius_** **), Josee (** ** _Variraptor mechinorum_** **), Mary (** ** _Troodon formosus_** **), Ellody (** ** _Pectinodon bakkeri_** **), Tom (** ** _Alvarezsaurus calvoi_** **), Heather (** ** _Sinosaurus triassicus_** **), Anne Maria (** ** _Therizinosaurus chelonformis_** **), Zoey (** ** _Oviraptor philoceratops_** **), and B (** ** _Yi qi_** **).**

 **Super Sauropods: Dakota (** ** _Amphicoelias fragillimus_** **), Brady (** ** _Brachiosaurus altithorax_** **), Lindsay (** ** _Brontosaurus excelsus_** **), Kitty (** ** _Omeisaurus tianfuensis_** **), Max (** ** _Mussaurus patagonicus_** **), Brody (** ** _Diplodocus carnegii_** **), Katie (** ** _Cetiosaurus oxoniensis_** **), Sadie (** ** _Sauroposeidon proteles_** **), Junior (** ** _Plateosaurus engelhardti_** **), Zeke (** ** _Saltasaurus loricatus_** **), Sierra (** ** _Argentinosaurus huinculensis_** **), Mike (** ** _Amargasaurus cazaui_** **), Lightning (** ** _Camarasaurus lentus_** **), Dave (** ** _Isisaurus colberti_** **), Rodney (** ** _Malawisaurus dixeyi_** **), and Ella (** ** _Shunosaurus lii_** **).**

 **Thorough Thyreophorans: Tyler (** ** _Ankylosaurus magniventris_** **), Jasmine T. (** ** _Minmi paravertebra_** **), DJ (** ** _Stegosaurus stenops_** **), Laurie (** ** _Nodosaurus textilis_** **), Miles (** ** _Scolosaurus cutleri_** **), Bridgette (** ** _Kentrosaurus aethiopicus_** **), Leshawna (** ** _Hesperosaurus mjosi_** **), Ryan (** ** _Cedarpelta bilbeyhallorum_** **), Eva (** ** _Ziapelta sanjuanensis_** **), Jo (** ** _Edmontonia longiceps_** **), Brick (** ** _Scutellosaurus lawleri_** **), Sammy (** ** _Dacentrurus armatus_** **), Shawn (** ** _Hylaeosaurus armatus_** **), Cody (** ** _Polacanthus foxii_** **), Lorenzo (** ** _Struthiosaurus austriacus_** **), and Cameron (** ** _Paranthodon africanus_** **).**

 **Marvelous Marginocephalians: Scott (** ** _Pachycephalosaurus wyomingensis_** **), Noah (** ** _Archaeoceratops oshimai_** **), Gwen (** ** _Medusaceratops lokii_** **), Crimson (** ** _Regaliceratops peterhewsi_** **), Ennui (** ** _Styracosaurus albertensis_** **), Mickey (** ** _Prenocephale prenes_** **), Jay (** ** _Stegoceras validum_** **), Harold (** ** _Triceratops horridus_** **), Izzy (** ** _Centrosaurus apertus_** **), Justin (** ** _Torosaurus latus_** **), Sam (** ** _Chasmosaurus belli_** **), Topher (** ** _Zuniceratops christopheri_** **), Stephanie (** ** _Protoceratops andrewsi_** **), Taylor (** ** _Pachyrhinosaurus canadensis_** **), Lauren (** ** _Avaceratops lammersi_** **), and Phil (** ** _Stenopelix valdensis_** **).**

 **Ordinary Ornithopods: Geoff (** ** _Corythosaurus casuarius_** **), Courtney (** ** _Edmontosaurus regalis_** **), Carrie (** ** _Hadrosaurus foulkii_** **), Devin (** ** _Tsintaosaurus spinorhinus_** **), Jen (** ** _Parasaurolophus tubicen_** **), Trent (** ** _Iguanodon bernissartensis_** **), Jasmine O. (** ** _Hypsilophodon foxii_** **), Beth (** ** _Ouranosaurus nigerensis_** **), Dawn (** ** _Camptosaurus dispar_** **), Amy (** ** _Shantungosaurus giganteus_** **), Rock (** ** _Lambeosaurus lambei_** **), Spud (** ** _Saurolophus osborni_** **), Chet (** ** _Thescelosaurus neglectus_** **), Beardo (** ** _Olorotitan arharensis_** **), Sky (** ** _Maiasaura peeblesorum_** **), and Sugar (** ** _Gryposaurus monumentensis_** **).**

 **Hosts: Chris (** ** _Pteranodon longiceps_** **), Chef (** ** _Quetzalcoatlus nothropi_** **)**

* * *

 _Threatening Theropods_

Duncan and Alejandro walked to the edge of the five territories, which met at a big oak. Duncan sniffed the air. "I can smell so many things in this body that I couldn't as a human," he said. "I can smell grass, sand, Owen [he gagged at this], the list goes on."

"We have other priorities." Alejandro raised his head and made a specific series of bellows.

Soon Brady, Devin, and Ryan emerged from the edges of their territories and met up with the carnivores.

"Hey Alejandro, or should I say, _Al-osaurus_?" Devin smirked.

" **Don't** call me Al," Alejandro growled.

"Sorry, didn't know...I'm gonna shut up now before you eat me."

"So," Alejandro began, "who on your team are you considering?"

"For what?" Brady asked.

"For voting off should your team lose. Who is the biggest threat to you winning the million dollars?"

"Rodney, probably," Brady said. "He looks really strong, plus Jen told me he keeps falling for girls – and some of those girls AREN'T single. I don't want him going after Beth."

"You are quite protective of that girl. How did you meet her?"

"She was the water girl for my basketball team in freshman year. It turned out we have a lot in common, especially regarding movies."

"Touching. How about you, Ryan?"

"Jo," Ryan answered without missing a beat. "She's not a team player, and she's mean to Brick."

"But Jo's mean to everyone," Duncan pointed out.

"I meant meaner than she is to everyone else. She's also going to be tough to beat in physical competitions."

"Good to know," Alejandro said. "And you, Devin?"

"Sugar. Courtney told me that while Sugar isn't very bright, what intelligence she DOES have is completely devoted to cheating her way to the top. Plus she never listens to anyone."

"I can assure you, I have more integrity than that," Alejandro lied. "I was considering Scarlett. She's not a physical threat, but she _is_ the biggest mental one on my team. Your opinion, Duncan?"

"Scarlett's fine," Duncan said. "If she figures out we've got an alliance, we're boned."

"What about B? He's smart," Devin asked.

"He's more build-strange-gadget-smart. Scarlett is both street-smart AND book-smart. A double threat," Alejandro explained. "That, and B is mute, so he can't expose us that easily."

Suddenly, Duncan's eyes narrowed. "I smell diesel. The poachers!"

* * *

Overhead, Chris and a white _Quetzalcoatlus_ with a brown beak flew above them, surveying the campers.

"I bet you ten bucks the Ornithopods screw up," Chef said mischievously.

"You're on! Ten bucks says it's the Sauropods." Chris turned to the camera. "Which one of us will win the bet? Find out after these messages."

Saying that diverted Chris' attention long enough for him to fly into a tree.

"Ow."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said, standing on the ground. "In an alternate universe, our dinosaurian contestants are waiting to ambush poachers who are trying to go after their eggs."

A _Champsosaurus_ lunged out of the water and tried to snatch Chris up for lunch. Chris yelped and jumped back.

* * *

 _Convergence of the Territories_

Harold, here a blue _Triceratops_ with pink forelegs and reddish quills on his green tail, emerged from the bushes. "Hey, you guys had the same idea too, like, go to the edge of the territories and–"

"Shut up, Doris!" Duncan snarled. "Don't make me hurt you!"

"You can't hurt me. Have you even seen the size of my horns? Gosh!" Harold retorted, his long brow horns glinting in the sunlight.

Devin, Brady, and Ryan gulped and backed away, not wanting one of those horns in place of one of their eyes. But Duncan wasn't afraid. "Oh yes I can! My kind eats yours for DINNER in this universe!"

And then Duncan got hit by a tranquilizer dart and fell to the ground, out cold. The others looked confused, but more darts started flying through the air, knocking Harold and Brady out. Alejandro, Ryan and Devin turned their heads and saw a bunch of men on motorcycles and in trucks, men dressed in camouflage with red logos emblazoned on their black helmets.

"The poachers," Ryan murmured. Luckily, the darts couldn't penetrate his extra-thick skin, and Devin was too fast for the poachers as they fled back to their territories. Alejandro was not so lucky and got a dart in his butt.

As the drug's effects kicked in, Alejandro giggled and then fell asleep.

* * *

 _Thorough Thyreophorans_

"The poachers are coming!" Ryan called, running through his team's territory.

His call distracted the egg-watchers long enough for Zoey, who'd been turned into a dark red _Oviraptor_ with green legs, to sneak in and snatch two of their eggs. Zoey skittered off as quickly as she came, leaving the armored dinosaurs none the wiser.

* * *

 _Super Sauropods_

The poachers approached the nest, finding four massive sauropods guarding it. One of them fired a dart at Dakota.

However, due to her massive size, the dart's drugs did nothing. She didn't even feel the dart penetrate the skin of her right foreleg. The poachers facepalmed and left them alone.

"Wow, you're such a good protector," Rodney complimented. "And pretty...hey, there's a dart in your arm. I can get it out." He moved closer, intent on getting the dart out with the one manipulator he had in this universe: his mouth.

Dakota grimaced. "Ew! Get away from me, creep!" She stood up to assert her dominance, towering over the others. "Need I remind you of who I am? Dakota Milton, the daughter of the man behind Milton Hotels?"

"Dakota, please, calm down," Mike, now a teal _Amargasaurus_ with a brown neck sail, said.

They were distracted by the commotion long enough for Noah to slip in undetected and roll one of their eggs away. Said egg was bigger than he was.

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"I hate physical labor," Noah panted.

* * *

 _Marvelous Marginocephalians_

The poachers approached the nest. No one was guarding it. "We hit it big today, boys," the leader of the group chuckled as his men gathered up all the eggs. "That's all the eggs from this area. Moving on to the Ornithopod enclosure."

From behind a tree, Gwen and Scott silently sniggered as the poachers made off with the infertile eggs. "Nice work on the nest," Scott whispered.

"Thanks. I wonder how the twins are getting along."

* * *

 _Ordinary Ornithopods_

Mickey and Jay approached the Ornithopods' nest, with Spud not paying attention and Beardo having evidently been darted, and two of the eggs were missing. The Adversity Twins raised their heads, ready to smash the remaining eggs.

But the Ornithopods' nest was very close to the river, allowing MacArthur to jump out of the water and snatch up the boys in one gulp, before grabbing two eggs with her mouth as well.

* * *

 _Threatening Theropods_

Back at her team's nest, MacArthur barfed up the Adversity Twins, soaked in saliva and with more than a few stomach acid burns. Between them were two eggs.

"Nice work," Mary said, approaching MacArthur. "You got us two spare eggs _and_ two interlopers."

"We're gonna smash your eggs!" Mickey said half-heartedly.

"Oh Anne Maria?" Ellody called. Anne Maria pulled her arms out of her fluffy coat and showed them her massive claws. "Yeah, I don't think so." The twins gulped and ran away.

"BOOYAH!" MacArthur said, before trying to roar. Instead came a chirping noise. MacArthur looked confused.

"Oh yeah, dinosaurs actually didn't roar. No vocal cords," Mary explained.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sanders and MacArthur.**

"What Val did was reckless, but at least we got two eggs out of it," Sanders, here a dark blue _Rugops_ , said.

Behind her, MacArthur stomped around. "Stupid lousy no-good science ruining cool stuff all the time..."

* * *

"So now what?" Tom, now a green _Alvarezsaurus_ with a bronze crest of feathers, asked as he dropped a pile of insects in front of Emma, who happily gobbled them up, before realizing she'd eaten bugs, before shrugging and swallowing.

"We should probably hit every clade," Ellody said. She'd dug an extra nest for the eggs they'd stolen, which included a Marginocephalian egg Zoey was gingerly setting in along with the other four eggs.

"Oh no no no, I am NOT hefting those long-neck's eggs! I saw them, and they're as big as me!" Jacques griped.

"We could get Owen to do it," Sanders suggested. "Out of all the big guys, he's got the longest arms and biggest hands. He'd be perfect."

"For what?" Owen asked, having just come in. He regurgitated a pile of mashed leaves in front of Anne Maria, who looked disgusted before her dinosaurian instincts took over and she started eating them.

* * *

"We HAVE to win," Josee said to her boyfriend privately.

"I know, but how?"

Then they got an idea. They looked at each other and grinned evilly. "Sabotage..."

* * *

 _Thorough Thyreophorans_

Eva swung her tail at a poacher, shattering his skull and denting his helmet when her club connected with his head. It was unfortunately too late to save one of her team's eggs from the poachers, and six had been lost altogether, their gooey, bloody remains littering the ground.

Jacques and Josee snuck over and crawled underneath her. Ankylosaurs had thick skin on the tops of their bodies, but to stay mobile their bellies had to remain soft so their joints could work. This fact allowed Jacques and Josee to bite Eva in her most sensitive spot: a patch of skin a little above the cloaca, right where the yolk would have attached in the egg.

Eva howled in pain and scrambled off, and Jacques and Josee watched with glee as the surprisingly fast dinosaur went on a rampage.

* * *

 _Super Sauropods_

Standing up proved to be a bad idea, as it allowed Eva to run through Dakota's legs, crushing an egg in the process. Then Owen ran through, scooping up an egg with his arms before jumping into the air, landing on and running up Sadie's back, before jumping off, landing, and running back to his territory. Sadie quickly collapsed on the ground in pain.

"Nice going," Dave said, having seen the whole thing as he walked over to check on the remaining eggs. The ground suddenly became wet, and Dave found he'd stepped in egg white. He recoiled in horror. "Ew ew ew ew EW!"

* * *

 _Ordinary Ornithopods_

Spud looked around, with Beardo still tranquilized. "Sweet. No one's coming that way." He turned his head for a second; had he not, he'd've seen Eva charging towards him.

But he didn't, and only turned his head back when it was too late. Spud tried to block her, but Eva knocked him aside, plowing through his team's nest, crushing all but two lucky eggs. Eva tore off as quickly as she'd come, leaving a slightly disturbed Spud and a broken nest.

"Never run off like that again!" Sky snapped. She and Geoff had found Sugar and were dragging her by the tail with their beaked mouths back to their nest.

"I got two of them hunters! You should be thankin' me!" Sugar retorted.

The rest of the team followed, grumbling. Then they stopped, and gasped.

"SPUD! What happened?!" Courtney shrieked.

"Eva was on a rampage, man, I tried to stop her," Spud said, showing the cuts on his arm he'd received from Eva's shoulder spikes as proof.

"And what's wrong with him?!" Amy asked, pointing to Beardo with a hooflike hand. "He didn't do his job at all!"

"Don't blame him, he got darted! Look, there's the dart in his leg!" After Sky had said that, Chet walked over to Beardo's left thigh and pulled out the dart. Beardo was still asleep, however.

"So all we have to blame is Spud?" Amy asked. "Of course, leave it to scatterbrain here to screw everything up! Because YOU ALWAYS DO!" she snarled, baring her teeth at an unflinching Spud.

"I know he's not the most attentive guy, but like, Sugar should've stayed at the nest," Rock defended his friend, getting between him and the massive edmontosaurine. "And Sky and Geoff ran off too, guys. They shouldn't have gone after her."

Sky and Geoff looked at the ground, ashamed. He was right.

"CAMPERS! Time is up! The poachers are gone," Chris' voice came from above. Everyone was enveloped in blue light and disappeared from the game.

* * *

 _Real World_

"So what did I miss? The challenge didn't eject me when I got darted," Beardo said.

Almost half of his team glared at Spud, the other at Sugar, both Rockers at Amy, and Sugar at Courtney.

"We'll explain _later_ ," Courtney growled.

"Okay, everyone, time to tally the points!" Chris announced. Some numbers began tallying on the VR screen. "Threatening Theropods, you have all twenty eggs intact and in your possession, plus six eggs from the other teams. Twenty-six points!

"Super Sauropods, you have nineteen of twenty eggs intact, seventeen of twenty eggs in your possession, one egg each in the possession of the Theropods and Marginocephalians, and one egg smashed. Seventeen points!

"Thorough Thyreophorans, you have fourteen of twenty eggs intact, eleven eggs in your possession, two eggs in the possession of the Theropods, one egg in the possession of the poachers, and six eggs smashed. Eleven points!

"Marvelous Marginocephalians, you have all twenty eggs intact, nineteen eggs in your possession, one egg in the possession of the Theropods, plus an egg from the Sauropods. Twenty points!

"Ordinary Ornithopods...wow, just...it's sad. Six eggs intact, two eggs in your possession, two eggs in the possession of the Theropods, two eggs in the possession of the poachers, and FOURTEEN eggs smashed. Two points. Threatening Theropods win!"

The team cheered.

"And for your prize...drumroll please...an all-expenses-paid trip to the Royal Ontario Museum!

"For the three teams who are safe – the Sauropods, Thyreophorans, and Marginocephalians – you get...dinosaur chicken nuggets!"

"Lame," Taylor grumbled.

"Ordinary Ornithopods, meet me at the campfire at eight, someone's going to be tyrannosaur chow! You guys figure out who."

"Ahem."

Chris sighed and gave Chef ten dollars, which the latter pocketed with glee.

* * *

"These are so immature," Noah muttered as he stared at the dinosaur chicken nuggets.

"Shut up and eat the nuggets," Jo grunted with her mouth full. "A skinny boy like you needs his protein."

"My build is none of your concern, thank you very much."

"You should still eat them, though," Stephanie pointed out. "Tomorrow it's back to nasty glop."

Noah sighed in defeat and began to eat.

* * *

 **Confessional – Spud.**

"I know I messed up, but I figured I'd have to leave eventually," Spud said, writing AMY on a piece of paper. "Amy seriously needs to chill though..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.**

"Courtney ought'nt've told me what to do!" Sugar snarled, writing COURTNEY on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Trent.**

"From one musician to another, please don't let the music take over your life," Trent said apologetically, writing SPUD on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.**

"For someone named Sugar, she's not very sweet," Geoff said, writing SUGAR on a piece of paper.

* * *

"Here's how elimination works," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." He brought in a plate of sixteen marshmallows, four of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got for drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Geoff, Carrie, Devin, Jen, Trent, Jasmine O., Beth, Dawn, Rock, Chet, Beardo, and Sky."

Once they all had their marshmallows, Chris pointed to a blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Courtney, this one is yours." Courtney sighed and got the marshmallow. It had been a rough day for her.

"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Amy, you have three votes against you."

"What?!" Amy asked, genuinely shocked. But she got it anyway.

Two colored marshmallows remained. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're out. Spud. Sugar."

The two looked at him.

"You both have names related to food, but only one of you is for dinner. Spud, your inattentiveness led to several unborn dinosaurs being killed. Sugar, you disobeyed your captain's orders and left your post to do your own thing. With five votes against them...

...

...

...

...

"Sugar is safe!"

"YEAH BOI!" Sugar hollered, sauntering up and getting the orange marshmallow. "In your face, heathen!" she hissed at Spud.

"Sorry buddy," Rock said to Spud. "I voted for Amy."

"Any last words, Potatohead?" Chris asked.

"Not really man, I'm good," Spud said simply and humbly. "I wish the best of luck to all of you. Except you Amy, you're way too hype."

Amy spluttered as Spud gently got the red marshmallow from Chris and silently trodded off to the Dock of Shame.

"ALRIGHT, FESS UP, WHO ELSE VOTED FOR ME?!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Beardo.**

"It was me," Beardo revealed. "Dawn told me everything that happened when I wasn't conscious. I blame Spud a little for messing up, and Sugar a whole lot more, but ultimately I'm with Spud. Amy really needs to–" and here he made an unwinding noise as he made his arms flow. "You dig?"

* * *

"Five down. Seventy-nine to go," Chris said as he stood outside the VR machine. "Who will survive the cataclysm, and who will become ancient history? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"It would be prehistory, actually," Scarlett corrected. "Writing did not exist until a few thousand years ago."

"Okay, no one asked you."

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Geoff – Sugar**

 **Courtney – Sugar**

 **Carrie – Sugar**

 **Devin – Sugar**

 **Jen – Spud**

 **Trent – Spud**

 **Jasmine O. – Spud**

 **Beth – Spud**

 **Dawn – Spud**

 **Amy – Spud**

 **Rock – Amy**

 **Spud – Amy**

 **Chet – Spud**

 **Beardo – Amy**

 **Sky – Sugar**

 **Sugar – Courtney**

 **Results: 7-5-3-1 Spud-Sugar-Amy-Courtney**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Back in the virtual reality, a few months later in that universe, the eggs hatched. From the theropod eggs came _Gigantoraptor_. From the sauropod eggs came, as Ellody predicted, _Hypselosaurus_. From the thyreophoran eggs, _Scelidosaurus_. From the marginocephalian eggs, _Xenoceratops_. And from the last remaining ornithopod eggs, _Rhabodon_.

The poachers saw them and began to sneak up on them.

Then the babies' parents came and glared at the poachers.

"Well, crap," one of the poachers grumbled.


	11. 1-6: Masters of Disasters

**Review time!  
**

 **Yeezynight14: Thanks! The VR challenges are usually not based on actual episodes, so they give me the opportunity to show off my mad writing skillz. :3 Blaineley will be hosting the Aftermath as per canon, plus three adults from the Ridonculous Race. More on this next chapter, as the Aftermaths appear after every sixth challenge.  
**

 **Mattafat: Yes, I'm a Dawn-J shipper. Their auras lined up quite well. XD Given who the main character of this fanfiction is, it should be fairly obvious who's likely going to be a finalist, but DJ _will_ be making it past the 3/4 mark. Junior will be ending up with Kitty, and Dave will pair off with Sky (of course, the story will feature the whole Keith drama; have to mash up the entire series, y'know).**

 **Sunshine: Thanks! As an anthropomorphic sauropod myself, I had to pay tribute to my heritage. I needed the contestants as different dinosaurs so I could tell them apart, and each species actually reflects who they are. (More on this later). I assume one of the interns saw blood dripping from Crimson's seat and told Chris through the helmets. FYI, the game didn't restart because Crimson voluntarily left; the _game_ didn't eliminate her, so she was still in.**

 **(AN: Tornado, 2011, Geo-cane, and Henchmen are the TD-verse versions of Twister, 2012, Geostorm, and Minions, respectively.)**

* * *

 _Monday, September 25, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we rolled back the rock to the dawn of time! [Alejandro getting darted] Well, sort of. Our first VR challenge turned our contestants into dinosaurs bent on protecting their eggs from poachers. [The poachers failing to take out Dakota] Broken up into five teams, one for each major dinosaur clade, they had to last the duration of the poachers' visit and have enough eggs at the end to win. [Noah making off with a sauropod egg] Thanks to some badly timed menstruation, Crimson was able to help her team trick the poachers and secure their position in second place. [Crimson laying eggs; cut to Gwen and Scott looking at the poachers raiding the wrong nest] And the Ice Dancers got Eva to go on a rampage. [Eva getting bitten] Their efforts got the Threatening Theropods a trip to the ROM [The team cheering] and the Ordinary Ornithopods a trip to elimination. [The smashed nest] Spud was eventually eliminated for his chillax nature, [Spud's elimination] but not before ticking off Amy. [Amy screaming at her team]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Seventy-nine contestants remain. Who will shake it up and take down the competition, and who will sink like a rock? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Threatening Theropods_

Scarlett stood behind the good cabin and in front of the lustblossom field with a gas mask over her face as she hung strange tubes from the lip of the cabin's roof.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked, watching.

"Preventing these flowers from affecting anyone else. The female flowers release pheromones that act as a powerful aphrodisiac to attract pollinators. Overpowering their smell will keep us focused on winning. These tubes release a powerful citrus scent periodically. They won't prevent the flower's drugs from taking over our minds if we get close to them, but if the susceptible stay at this distance, they'll be safe."

"How come some people are affected and some aren't?"

"Chirality. Half of the scent molecules the flowers produce are left-handed, if you will, and the other half are right-handed. The left isomer smells like wet sand; the right smells like a combination of blueberry and pomegranate, and it's the right-handed isomer that is the aphrodisiac. But people only have scent receptors for one isomer."

"So I can only smell the left-handed ones, and you can only smell the right-handed ones," Emma finished.

"Exactly. Hence the mask on my face, and the lack of a mask on yours."

"CAMPERS! Come to the beach, we're having another challenge!" Chris called over the PA.

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"Scarlett's been really focused on protecting us from the lustblossoms ever since we got back," Emma explained. "Apparently they're really dangerous, and turn anyone who's vulnerable into a quivering mass of hormones, fueled only by the desire to mate, for fourteen hours or until they smell something nasty. I hope Kitty doesn't get anywhere near those things." 

* * *

Kitty didn't, but someone else did. "These flowers would be perfect for my anniversary gift for Ellody," Chet said, picking a blue and a pink flower. "They sure smell funny though. Whoever heard of a cheese-and-sand-scented flower?"

* * *

Chris stood at the beach. "Everyone, we're returning to the three teams from the snowball fight – that's Teams Amazon, I'm Abso-Smokin'-Hot, and Victory."

"We're reusing the teams?" Cameron asked.

"Yeah, I didn't feel like constantly remaking the teams, so every so often, teams will repeat. Everyone into your spots. Team Amazon, you're on the left, Team Victory, you're on the right, and Team I'm Handsome Beyond Your Wildest Dreams–"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Sky.  
**

"Or in this case, nightmares."

* * *

"–you're in the middle."

Once that was done, Chris continued. "Can any of you name a disaster movie?"

"Tornado!" Beth said confidently.

"2011!" Brady added.

"Geo-cane!" Tyler said.

"Henchmen," Noah said flatly. From where her team stood, Emma burst out laughing at his joke, and some of the other contestants snickered.

"That one's more of a disas _trous_ movie," Cody chuckled.

Chris facepalmed and waited for the laughter to die down. "ANYWAY, what we're doing today for part one of our challenge is an obstacle course, from here to the big pine tree half a mile away, and back. Along the way, you're going to be experiencing some natural disasters. Earthquakes, volcanoes, flash floods, y'know, the normal stuff. Each team will go one at a time. The team that completes the race in the shortest time wins an advantage for part two. Team Amazon, you're up first!"

* * *

 **Team Amazon:** **Cody, Heather, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Jasmine T., Eva, Dawn, Beth, Emma, Kitty, Zoey, Dakota, Mary, Ellody, Sanders, MacArthur, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Ella, Sky, Sugar, Carrie, and Lauren.**

 **Team CIRRRRH:** **Tyler, Izzy, Owen, Alejandro, Duncan, Noah, Trent, Topher, Tom, Jen, Crimson, Ennui, Justin, Jo, Anne Maria, B, Beardo, Cameron, Devin, Ryan, Stephanie, Brick, Phil, Mike, Rock, Dave, and Scott.  
**

 **Team Victory: Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Bridgette, Zeke, Lindsay, Jasmine O., Sammy, Amy, Chet, Lorenzo, Junior, Scarlett, Max, Geoff, Brody, Brady, Lightning, Shawn, Rodney, Taylor, Jacques, Josee, Sam, Mickey, and Jay.**

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

Team Amazon took their place at the starting line. Chef pulled out a large gun-like device and fired a large, stale meatball into the air, signalling the team to start racing.

They'd only gone a hundred feet when the ground began vibrating underneath them, knocking some of the team to their feet. "The ground is moving! We're havin' an earthquake!" Jasmine T. exclaimed.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Ellody replied, carefully watching her step. "We're pretty far from the nearest fault line."

"Will you guys just shut up and keep walking?" Heather snapped, before karma kicked in and knocked Heather onto her butt.

Gwen laughed at her rival's misfortune, but then the ground shook again, causing her to fall face-first onto Courtney, who fell on her back. The two girls got tangled up in each other, and when they opened their eyes their faces were uncomfortably close together. Awkwardly blushing, they quickly pulled apart.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Courtney.**

"That didn't mean anything! I like boys!" Courtney said firmly, her eyes still wide from the shock.

* * *

Three hundred feet later, huge amounts of water splashed in front of them from overhead troughs meant to simulate a rainstorm, turning the ground before them muddy.

"Ew. No way am I ruining my shoes for this," Dakota grimaced. Eva responded by picking her up and setting her on her shoulders before charging through. "Thank you."

"Chris TOLD you to bring your sneakers," Eva retorted.

"I _am_ wearing sneakers! But I still don't want them to get ruined."

"Must...not...drop...must...not...drop..." Eva muttered to herself.

Elsewhere, Miles and Laurie simply took off their sandals and waded barefoot through the mud. They sighed happily at the feeling of bare skin meeting damp ground.

More of the team caught up. "Hey Ella, why not a song to motivate us through?" Carrie asked.

"I thought you'd never ask!" Ella opened her mouth, but then got drenched by one of the troughs. "Never fear, I am alright," said a soaked Ella, before spitting out some wet hair.

Sugar laughed at her as she ran past, then got drenched herself. "MAH HAIR!"

"At least she smells better," Emma remarked to Kitty.

"Agreed."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Kitty.  
**

"Seriously, when was the last time she took a bath? Some pageant queen."

* * *

Another three hundred feet later, a viscous, steaming hot red liquid exploded out of the ground. While everyone else scattered around the growing puddle, Eva simply ran through it, not caring that blisters were forming where the fluid splattered onto her legs.

* * *

Five hundred feet later, massive fans blasted high-speed wind at them, and many of them struggled to stand.

* * *

Four hundred feet later, the ground began to give way underneath them, forcing the team to dash ahead of the emerging sinkholes. Katie tripped over one, but Sadie quickly scooped her up and kept going.

* * *

Two hundred feet later, they were attacked by Africanized honeybees. Lauren particularly had it bad, as she was allergic.

* * *

Five hundred feet later, another set of fans blasted cold air at them, along with some fake snow. Courtney was forced to spit out a mouthful of mush as her team left the mock blizzard.

* * *

Eventually, battered and bruised, Team Amazon crossed the final 340 feet to a towering pine tree.

"Phew!" Eva sighed, dumping Dakota onto the ground. "Finally!"

"I'm so sweaty," Cody panted.

"Want me to wring out your shirt for you?" Sierra asked, still full of energy.

"..."

"Oh, crap," Mary said as she realized something.

"What?" Zoey asked.

"We're going to have to do this all over again to get back."

Everyone groaned. MacArthur faceplanted into the dirt at the base of the tree and screamed into it.

* * *

"Team Amazon, you completed the race in 19 minutes, 42 seconds. Whoever gets less will probably get the advantage. Team Me! You're up!"

Chef fired another meatball once the entire team was at the starting line.

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

Tyler tumbled across the sand covering earthquake-mimicking shake table. "Good thinking, Tyler!" Izzy said, before letting the table knock her over and shake her to the end of it. "Wheeee!"

It turned out to not be so good thinking for everyone, as Owen was turned into a human bowling ball when he fell over. He rolled to the end of the shake table (flattening Tyler in the process ["Ow."]), slid through the mud directly to the fake volcano setup, and ended up with his face close to the red liquid.

Owen sniffed it, then took a lick. "Hey guys, it's not real lava, it's tomato soup! Really hot tomato soup...ow! My tongue!" he cried, looking at his burnt tongue hanging limply from his mouth.

"Oh, poor baby," Izzy, who'd rushed over to her injured beloved, cooed. "Want me to kiss it better?"

Owen nodded, a few tears forming from the pain.

Although the camera didn't see what happened next, his team, busy trudging though the mud, did, and frankly they were a little disturbed.

"Ew," Duncan cringed, before getting splashed.

"Lucky," Justin muttered to himself, looking enviously at Izzy and Owen's interactions.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Justin.  
**

"I'm happy Owen has a girlfriend, but in all honesty, why hasn't a girl asked ME out yet? Do you guys at home SEE this face?"  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Crimson.  
**

"I hope I get burns from that soup too," Crimson said monotonously.

 _Static_

Some time later, Crimson reappeared in the confessional. "I did," she said monotonously, revealing a burn mark on her arm. "I love it."  


* * *

Eventually, the team finished the course. Owen got his tongue bandaged by an intern and was instructed not to remove the bandages for four days. "But what if I need to eat?" he asked, worried.

"Live off your body fat, you've got plenty to spare," Duncan retorted.

Behind him, Noah glared at him.

"Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot, aside from Owen's injury, you finished the course in good time: 16 minutes, 37 seconds. Team Victory! You're up!"

Chef fired the final meatball. It hit a seagull, which surprisingly had a reptilian tail, and sent it to the ground.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Bridgette.  
**

"That poor seagull...what was up with its tail?"  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Scarlett.  
**

"The mutated fauna are back as well," Scarlett shuddered. "This is worse than I thought."  


* * *

It was. While everyone else was busy, one of the bull sharks from the first challenge, who'd escaped capture, swam into a current that momentarily stung him, almost as if it was electrocuting him. Then, suddenly, his brain seemed to get bigger and denser.

The shark didn't know what to do, but for the first time in its life, it KNEW something was never going to be the same again.

* * *

 _Team Victory_

Rodney was carefully stepping around the sinkholes when he saw Brody fall down one. "HELP!" he called. "Jacques! Help me! I'm in a hole and not liking it, dude!"

Jacques, who'd been passing by, stopped and looked into the mock sinkhole, then walked away.

"I'll help you!" Rodney declared, sticking his beefy arm into the sinkhole. Brody grabbed his hand, and the Lovesick Farmboy pulled him out.

"Oh, thanks dude!" Brody said, breathing heavily.

"Brody? You alright, brah?" Geoff asked, running over to his friend.

"I am now. Can you believe it? I fell down a hole and Jacques wouldn't help me get out!"

"Of course I believe it, dude. Jacques and Josee don't have good sportsmanship. They cheat to win. C'mon, let's go before the bees come back."

"DAAAAAAH!" they heard Lindsay scream, and saw her running away from the bees.

"Never mind."

As they left, Rodney thought about what Geoff said, and decided he knew who he was going to vote for if his team lost.

* * *

"Team Victory, you did better than Team Amazon, but not better enough. 17 minutes, 5 seconds. Team CIRRRRH wins part one of the challenge!"

"Yes!" Jen exclaimed, punching the air.

"So what's the advantage?" Trent asked.

"You'll see," Chris grinned evilly. "What's the answer to Trent's question? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the viewers. "A natural disaster-riddled obstacle course has determined that Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot has earned the advantage for part two of our challenge. The advantage? A submarine manual!"

"Heads up!" Chef grumbled, throwing a massive textbook at the team. Izzy caught it just before it could break Owen's jaw.

"Submarine? Uh-oh, I think I know what part two of our challenge is," Topher said. Gwen and Jasmine T. gulped.

"Correct you are, mini-me!" Three old-looking submarines emerged from the lake. "Part two is a different type of disaster. Each team will be shut in an ex-naval sub that, once submerged, will have a hole made somewhere along its weak points by our interns. This hole will let in water. Your challenge is to find and patch that hole, wherever it is, and then get your sinking sub back to the surface. First team to do so wins! Last team up throws someone overboard."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Gwen.  
**

"I have pretty bad claustrophobia," Gwen said, rocking back and forth in the fetal position. "I hate Chris so much right now!"  


* * *

Each team entered their designated sub, marked by a flag standing in the back. Once the hatches closed, the subs automatically dove to a certain depth.

A moment later, three interns, each armed with a sharp poker, emerged from the water.

"The holes have been made!" Chris announced. "Let the challenge BEGIN!"

* * *

 _Team Victory_

After an awkward silence, Geoff spoke. "Okay, so like, does anyone have a plan?"

"Who made YOU leader?" Amy scoffed.

"I never said I was the leader," Geoff replied. "I just wanted to start the conversation."

"We may not have the manual, but I'm pretty sure I can figure out where the interns would most likely puncture the submarine," Scarlett mused.

"Please! Why would we even need that stupid book?" Lightning scoffed.

"Because it would make finding where the hole would probably be A WHOLE LOT [F WORD]ING EASIER, DUMB[A WORD]!" Amy shouted.

Her team gasped. "Is she even like, allowed to say that on TV?" Brody asked.

"We're in a T-rated fanfiction, and the author's too much of a wuss to uncensor cuss words," Amy muttered.

 **"I resent that!"** someone _very_ important shouted from offscreen.

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

"What use is that thing going to be?" Stephanie asked, frowning at the manual.

"Well, I was thinkin' we'd use it to find the weak spots," Ryan replied.

"I know _that_! I meant that we're not gonna have time to find 'em all! Do you SEE how thick that thing is?"

"Oh," Ryan said, and then his eyes widened. "You're right! None of us can read fast enough to cover that whole book! And the water's already coming in." Indeed, the floor was starting to get wet.

"Obviously, we've never shared classes," Noah said, motioning for the Personal Trainer to move aside. "I can cover the biggest dictionary in the local library in under twenty minutes. This manual's gonna be a piece of cake." He opened the book and began to rapidly read through it.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Mike.  
**

"Noah has the highest reading speed of anyone in our school," Mike explained. "That's why he's got so many books at all times. He uses them up really fast."

* * *

And soon Noah was writing something on a piece of paper. "Here," he said, handing it to Stephanie. "Those are all the critical places where we should look for a hole first."  


"Got it," she said. "Everyone who's short, go to one of the places on this list! Find the hole, come back to us and we'll figure out how to patch it!"

"Ma'am yes ma'am!" Brick saluted.

* * *

 _Team Victory_

Suddenly, Bridgette sniffed the air in the sub. "Hey, what's that smell? It seems...familiar... _Geoff_." Her pupils dilated all the way. Geoff did the same, and soon they were making out again.

"Uh, guys?" Brody asked. Then his own pupils dilated. " _MacArthur._ "

"Oh no! Someone brought lustblossoms onto the sub!" Scarlett panicked, quickly putting on a gas mask. Max looked confused, especially when Scarlett did the same for him. Around them, about half their team ended up in a hormonal trance, attempting to either break out or harass someone, and those who didn't have a crush or a significant other simply stood there and giggled stupidly, massive blushes covering their faces. All the while, the other half looked on confusedly.

Scarlett slapped a gas mask onto Harold before he could breathe the intoxicating scent and embarrass himself. "Gosh! What's going on?" Harold yelped.

"No time to explain! We need to find the hole and–" she spotted the hole in the wall behind her. "Well, that was certainly convenient."

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

Gwen and Jasmine T. huddled together on the floor. Water was rushing into their submarine, and fast. And neither of them were feeling any good.

"Come on! Help us out, wimps!" Heather snapped.

"They can't help it, they've got claustrophobia!" Carrie retorted.

"Come to think of it, I actually agree with Carrie," Courtney said. "Fear isn't something to laugh at. Would you call ME a wimp if you saw me freaking out because of green jello?"

"...What?" Heather asked, baffled.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Courtney.  
**

"Of course I'm afraid of green jello! It looks like boogers! Technicolor boogers, yes, but still!"

* * *

 **Confessional** ****– Chris.  
****

"Bad move, Courtney,' Chris chuckled evilly. "You've given me the perfect idea for a challenge...and there WILL be green jello." He cackled maniacally.

"I think I know what you're thinkin'. And how am I gonna get that much jello on such short notice?" Chef asked from outside the confessional.

"Not my problem!"

Chef groaned.

* * *

"I found the hole!" Sanders called from somewhere in the back. "Now all we need is something to patch it up with."

"I can weave us a stopper!" Sierra proclaimed. "I'm a fourth-generation basket weaver, I can do this! FOR CODY!"

Cody facepalmed while Sierra quickly weaved a cylinder out of yarn, then threw it to where Sanders was standing.

"Not my idea of a patch, but oh well," Sanders mused, before shoving it into the hole. The water stopped rushing in immediately. The yarn stopper took on water and expanded, plugging the hole even further.

"I know where the ballast is kept, " Ellody said. "Mary and I will open it up so we can send the water there."

"Please do," Dakota whimpered. She was sitting on a shelf so as to avoid ruining her designer sneakers.

"Wimp," Eva muttered, grabbing a mop.

* * *

Thanks to patching the hole early on, Team Amazon surfaced first, and Team CIRRRRH came up not long after.

Chris checked his watch. "Not bad, but Team Amazon came up two seconds earlier, so they win." Team Amazon cheered. "Team Me, you had the manual but came up second. What happened?"

"It took us a long time to figgah out what to patch da hole wit, alright?" Anne Maria snapped. "Luckily we were able to use my hairspray to put da pieces of da sub back togetter." She proudly knocked her fingers against her hair, which strangely created a clinking sound and didn't deform it.

"Huh. So what's wrong with Team Victory?"

* * *

 _Team Victory  
_

What was wrong was Lightning, unaffected by the lustblossoms, wouldn't budge from the control panel. Although the hole had been patched (thanks to some window sealant Max had with him for some reason), the sub was still sinking. Lightning had gotten the idea that he was the best person on the team, and thus the one to save them. Despite literally knowing nothing about what he was doing.

"Lightning, please! Let us operate the sub. We have more experience with this!" Scarlett pleaded.

"Nuh-uh! Lightning doesn't care if Harold went to Master Steve's Sub Camp or whatever it was. Lightning can do this!" He pressed a button.

The sub sank further.

"Yeah...I don't think that's a good idea," Junior said.

"Pfft. Like a tiny little freshman would know what they're doing."

"Dude! Move! We're taking on water, and it ruined the flowers–"

"What flowers?" Scarlett asked, cutting Chet off. Lightning was distracted by this enough so that Max was able to shove him aside and press some buttons, which began pushing the sub back to the surface.

* * *

Once his team was out, Chet showed Scarlett the lustblossoms he'd picked, which had been reduced to mush by the water. "These!"

Scarlett took off her gas mask. The water had washed away most of the scent, but there was still a hint of blueberry/pomegranate, and it made Scarlett feel a slight urge to do things I cannot write in this story to Max.

Scarlett suddenly picked Chet up by his shirt collar. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!" she snapped. Her hair freed itself from its bun, and she suddenly looked much scarier. "YOU ALMOST GOT US KILLED! THOSE FLOWERS WERE INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS AND YET YOU RISKED OUR LIVES FOR THEM?!"

Owen farted. As the massive cloud passed the affected, they returned back to normal and promptly began throwing up all over the beach.

"Sorry," Owen apologized. "I get gassy when I'm frightened."

Scarlett composed herself, then saw everyone staring at her, mouths agape. "Oh. Sorry, I lost my composure there. But the lustblossoms are no laughing matter. Bridgette, I remember you asking yourself if Wawanakwa used to be a nuclear waste dump."

"So?"

"You're absolutely right." Bridgette gasped. "In the 1950s, the United States used Wawanakwa as a dumping ground for nuclear waste. Eventually that was banned, and the island was cleaned up by 1994. But apparently, it wasn't completely thorough." Scarlett glared at Chris. "And the construction of the buildings to be used for this show exposed the radioactivity long buried in the soil, reawakening the should've-been-extinct lustblossoms. Is that right, Chris?"

"I had NO idea about the nuclear thing," Chris replied. "But now that I know, we're gonna have to do something."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Chris.  
**

"I'd actually heard rumors about the nuclear waste on this island and of Sci-fi-like mutated creatures created by it, but I thought they weren't true," Chris said honestly. Then he grew a sinister grin. "But now that I KNOW they're true, then a _whoooole_ lotta challenges just got way more interesting."  


* * *

"That will have to wait until tomorrow, though. Right now, Team Amazon goes to the good cabin, while Team Victory figures out who gets the boot. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Team Victory, someone's getting discharged tonight!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Bridgette.  
**

"So you KNEW about the dangers of the island and DIDN'T tell us?! Not cool!" Bridgette growled, writing SCARLETT on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Josee.  
**

"From gold to bronze because that sack of potatoes brought those stupid _fleur de luxure_ onboard!" Josee roared, writing CHET on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Brady.  
**

"I'm still worried he'll go after Beth," Brady said, writing RODNEY on a piece of paper. "I hope he doesn't want ME gone."

* * *

 **Confessional** ****– Rodney.  
****

"I don't like cheaters," Rodney said, writing JACQUES on a piece of paper. **  
**

* * *

"Here's how elimination is done here," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Team Victory saw a plate of twenty-six marshmallows, six of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got for drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Bridgette, Zeke, Lindsay, Jasmine O., Sammy, Lorenzo, Junior, Max, Geoff, Brody, Brady, Shawn, Taylor, Josee, Sam, Mickey, and Jay."

Once they all had their marshmallows, Chris pointed to two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Rodney and Jacques, come on up." Jacques looked absolutely flabbergasted, and Rodney did his best to avert eye contact.

Then Chris pointed to, for the first time, two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. For the first time, two people get the greens. Scarlett, against you are two votes, and Amy, four."

"Why do people keep voting for me?!" Amy whined.

"I neglected to tell my team vital information. You're a [b word]," Scarlett replied simply. Amy's jaw dropped, and Chris used the opportunity to shoot a green marshmallow into her mouth, before walking over and making Amy "chew" it by pushing her jaw up and down.

Two colored marshmallows remained as Chris resumed his duties. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're out. Lightning. Chet."

The two boys looked at him, Chet nervous, Lightning unamused.

"Lightning, your ego is annoying and almost killed people. Chet, your little bouquet of mutant tulips also almost killed people. Today your team has gone with the lesser of two evils, and with six votes against him...

...

...

...

...

"Lightning has not struck out!"

"SHA-BAM!"

"Chet? What do you have to say for yourself after exposing your team to the lustblossoms?"

"I'm really sorry," Chet apologized. "I didn't know they were dangerous. I just wanted to give Ellody a present for our anniversary."

His team went "Awwww."

"Yeah...not a fan of the mushy stuff," Chris deadpanned. "But I will allow one final reunion before you have to leave."

* * *

"You've been eliminated?" Ellody asked sadly.

"Yeah," Chet said, the red marshmallow's remains in his stubble. "I just wanted to give you flowers."

"I don't need material gifts, dear. Just knowing your hormonal impulses tell you to seek my company is enough of a gift for me."

They shared one final kiss. Lorenzo and Mary looked at each other knowingly, while Chris just gagged.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Harold.  
**

Harold counted on his fingers. "I overheard Chris say Chet got eleven votes, making the total twenty-five. But there were twenty-six of us. Who didn't vote?"  


"I don't vote for my friends," DJ replied from outside the confessional. "I just don't feel right doing it, and Chris doesn't have anything against not voting anyway."

"Ohhhhh."

* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.  
**

"Looking back on today, I'm quite glad Chet picked flowers of BOTH sexes, for otherwise our team would've lost the challenge a whole lot earlier," Scarlett said. "Also that I should have warned everyone about the lustblossoms BETWEEN challenges."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Jacques.  
**

"Who would vote for me?! ME?!"

* * *

 **Confessional** ** **– Prescott Twins.  
****

"I THOUGHT I told you to vote for Chet!" Amy snarled.  


"I did!" Sammy protested.

"You'd better be telling me the truth, _Samey_. For your _own_ sake." Amy stormed out of the confessional.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Sammy got a worried look on her face. "Oh my god. Why DIDN'T I vote for her?"

* * *

"Six down. Seventy-eight to go," Chris said as he stood on the beach. "Who will evacuate to the finish and who will be blown out of the game? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

The mutant seagull Chef had knocked out of the air had recovered by now, and angry, it decided to attack Chris. Chris screamed as the scene went to black.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Harold** **– Chet  
**

 **Leshawna** ****– Chet****

 **DJ** ****– Didn't vote  
****

 **Bridgette** ** ****– Scarlett******

 **Zeke** ** ****– Chet  
******

 **Lindsay** ** ****– Amy******

 **Jasmine O.** ** ****– Chet******

 **Sammy** ** ****– Chet******

 **Amy** ** ****– Chet******

 **Chet** ** ****– Lightning******

 **Lorenzo** ** ****– Lightning******

 **Junior** ** ****– Lightning******

 **Scarlett** ** ****– Chet  
******

 **Max** ** ****– Chet******

 **Geoff** ** ****– Amy******

 **Brody** ** ****– Amy******

 **Brady** ** ****– Rodney******

 **Lightning** ** ****– Chet******

 **Shawn** ** ****– Amy******

 **Rodney** ** ****– Jacques******

 **Taylor** ** ****– Chet******

 **Jacques** ** ****– Lightning  
******

 **Josee** ** ****– Chet******

 **Sam** ****– Scarlett****

 **Mickey** ** ****– Lightning******

 **Jay** ** ****– Lightning**** **

**Results: 11-6-4-2-1-1 Chet-Lightning-Amy-Scarlett-Rodney-Jacques**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson)**

* * *

 **Bonus Clip:  
**

An intern put on a gas mask and pushed a shovel into the lustblossom field, uprooting a male and a female flower. He put them into a plastic case, then handed the case off to other interns until it ended up on a boat.

The boat had Blaineley's face painted on it in red.


	12. Aftermath I

**Review time!**

 **Yeezynight14: Noted. That moment was actually meant to be similar to the scene in Island when Noah unwittingly kissed Cody's ear in his sleep. I don't ship Gwourtney in the canon because there it'd be too unstable given the conflicting personalities and what the writers did to them. However, keep in mind that this fic is set in an alternate universe, and here their personalities will be slightly different from their canon ones, enough for the pairing to work. Luckily for you, though, the ship won't set sail until most of the story is done anyway. And thanks for the critique, adapting the Action challenges is fun!**

 **Mattafat: Dakota and Phil will be returning to serve as interns, but otherwise I'm going to keep my mouth shut so as to not reveal any spoilers.**

* * *

 _Staci Entremont, The Pathological Liar._

"I'm SUCH an expert swimmer," Staci boasted. She jumped off and landed painfully outside the safe zone on her wide belly. "Owie."

 _Leonard Smith, The Wizard Wannabe._

"LIES!" Leonard shrieked. "All lies! The heart-eating trolls WANT you to think that, so when they come after you, you're willing to give up your life!"

 _Tamara Degrasse, The Lady LARPer._

"What do you have to say, Tammy?" Chris asked.

"BEWARE THE HOMESCHOOLED BOY!"

 _Leshaniqua Peters, The Tough Girl._

"No time fo' that!" Leshaniqua barked. She shoved a random console into his hands. "We need you to practice. So get your game on, Devin!"

Devin gulped, frightened by her temper.

 _Marlon "Spud" Douffet, The Chill Rocker._

"Any last words, Potatohead?" Chris asked.

"Not really man, I'm good," Spud said simply and humbly. "I wish the best of luck to all of you. Except you Amy, you're way too hype."

 _Chester "Chet" Garrett, The Couch Potato._

"These flowers would be perfect for my anniversary gift for Ellody," Chet said, picking a blue and a pink flower. "They sure smell funny though. Whoever heard of a cheese-and-sand-scented flower?"

 _The six contestants eliminated thus far have returned to their school. But while their ex-teammates do their schoolwork–_

Cody sat unamused at his calculus workbook as Duncan fired spitballs at his head. Suddenly Sierra appeared out of nowhere and began attacking Duncan, to Cody's shock.

 _–we follow up on the losers. Where are they now? What are they up to? Is Leonard still a dork? This._

 _Is._

 _Aftermath: Total Drama Edition._

* * *

 _Theme music_

The screen opened and the viewer saw two clips, side-by-side, of Staci and Leonard walking, shot from the front view. Staci was on the left, Leonard on the right. The clips then wiped up to show Tammy and Leshaniqua in the same setup. It happened again, revealing Spud and Chet. Then the clips wiped up entirely.

Kelly, Dwayne, and Gerry waved to the camera. Suddenly, a flat panel fell from the ceiling on top of them, crushing them underneath. Blaineley was sitting on the panel and waved to the camera.

A spotlight focused on a curtain. Two interns shakily held up a sign reading TOTAL DRAMA AFTERMATH I: MAGIC ISN'T FRIENDSHIP. Then they fell over, the sign falling on top of them.

* * *

"Welcome to Total Drama's first aftermath!" Blaineley said to the camera. "Our six eliminated contestants will be answering our questions from our judge's panel, and there will be some other fun stuff too! Let's meet the judges!

"From an office building, the father of our youngest contestant, Dwayne Terrot, Sr.!"

"I don't think my boss will like me being called here," a middle-aged man in a yellow polo t-shirt said nervously.

"Well tough luck, the royalties you'll get from us being able to use your image will pay you more than that crummy desk job anyway. Speaking of pay, from a mansion in downtown Muskoka, the mother of our richest contestant, Kelly Wells!"

"Hi sweetie! Mommy and Daddy miss you!" a middle-aged, spray-tanned rich woman said to the camera.

"And fresh from a tennis court, the grandfather of our clumsiest contestant, Gerry Girard!"

"I STILL don't get what my daughter saw in my son-in-law," an elderly man in a light blue tennis uniform muttered.

"Our judges will each ask a random question for each contestant," Blaineley explained. "And let's get it started with the FIRST contestant eliminated – Staci!"

Staci nervously got onto the stage in Pahkitew High's auditorium, where the Aftermath was being held, and sat in front of the judges.

"So, Staci, I remember you saying your parents wouldn't even say what Bridgette said to you," Dwayne started. "Can you tell us why that is?"

"My parents are close to the poverty line, so they often have to work odd jobs, sometimes late into the night," Staci explained. "They don't have a lot of time for me, and...well, one of my special-ed teachers said that I should tell people interesting things about my family, but since my family's poor and not well-regarded..."

"Oh," Dwayne said. "So that's why you lie."

"Actually, Staci, I've seen you hanging out with my daughter," Kelly said. "Can you explain that?"

"Your daughter uses me to lie about when she has her parties, so the 'Misfits' don't show up and 'ruin' it."

Dwayne looked a little uncomfortable and looked at an oblivious Kelly as if to say 'You actually approve of this?'

"Oh, and Staci, now that you've seen the following episodes, what do you think about what Bridgette said?" Gerry asked.

"It's TOTALLY accurate," Staci said, a bit angry. "Alejandro is such a jerk! He made fun of someone just to eliminate someone else that he didn't like. Blaineley, can we get a clip of that?"

"Of course! Aftermaths ALWAYS show clips." A projector screen unrolled, and footage from "One Flu Over the Cuckoo's" began to play...

 ** _Confessional - Alejandro._**

 _"At this point, I am willing to throw the challenge just to get rid of the wizard boy," Alejandro growled. "And I have an idea on how. I shall convince Leonard he can use his 'magico' to promote peace. Then I create tension in the group, and when these elements come together our performance will be certainly thrown off. We are not Team Choleric, but my team does have someone with a bad temper who can help me, even inadvertently."_

 _He showed the camera a picture of Laurie. "This woman is very judgemental, not to mention a bit intolerant and oversensitive. Provoking her shall be easy."_

 _The scene then transitioned to previously unseen footage of Alejandro deliberately swallowing a mouthful of cinnamon water. Ignoring his body's shudders, he scooped up a handful of plastic body parts and tugged on the rope._

"And it worked," Staci said flatly as she voided her chair and went to sit in the audience.

"And let's see the results of that!" Blaineley announced. "We now go on to our second contestant eliminated, who is probably among the show's least-liked contestants – Leonard!"

Leonard got onstage and sat where Staci had. Unlike before, he was wearing regular clothes, a blue t-shirt and orange pants. He looked glum.

"Wow, you look different," Dwayne mentioned. "What's up with that?"

"Tammy and I realized our love of fantasy clouded our judgement and affected our interactions with the others," Leonard sighed. "We apologize for our earlier actions."

"What's LARP mean?" Kelly asked.

"Live-action roleplay."

"Like what my husband and I do on special nights?" This earned grossed-out looks from everyone except Blaineley, who looked as though she'd just found a great piece of blackmail.

"I don't think so..." Leonard said nervously.

"The only question I have is this: how did you not get hot in that cloak?" Gerry asked. "I'm impressed at how long you lasted in that thing without collapsing of heatstroke."

"I've had many a year of practice." Leonard got up and joined Staci in the audience.

"Now for our third eliminee – Tammy!"

Tammy sat in the chair. She was now wearing a standard black t-shirt and jean-shorts.

"Tammy, what made you hate Zeke so much?"

"Again, same as Leonard, I let my obsession take precedence. I thought Zeke's BO would affect our team."

"Well, it certainly affected another team," Blaineley chuckled. Footage from "Not-so Happy Campers" began to play...

 _Dave began freaking out. "There's no way I'm going in there! There are homeschooled boy germs in that water!"_

 _"I can hear you, eh!" an offended Zeke said from somewhere below._

 _"The chicken hat's probably grosser, though," Jo pointed out. "I mean, it HAS been in a musty old box for who knows how long."_

 _Dave realized this, turned around, and deliberately fell into the water. Needless to say, he did not hit the safe zone._

"So Tammy, why don't you like Gwen?" Kelly asked.

"She's a little too sarcastic for my liking," Tammy admitted. "Plus her friends scare me."

 _Footage of a blue-haired girl with a stern-looking face scribbling in her notebook was seen. Tammy saw the drawing and almost fell out of her chair in fright._

"...I don't remember that being on the show," Dwayne said, confused.

* * *

 **First Aftermath Confessional – Blaineley.**

"Being the principal of a school with a zillion security cameras does have its perks," Blaineley chuckled. The Aftermath confessionals were held inside Don's classroom, which was vacant due to his students being gone.

Little did she know that Don was still there, and he'd heard what she'd said. His eyes narrowed.

* * *

"And also, did Heather really push you into the locker where you met Leonard?" Gerry asked. "I find it more than a little hard to believe."

"No, she really was the one. She wanted to establish herself as a force to be reckoned with when she transferred to the district." Tammy left her seat and went into the audience.

"And for our fourth contestant eliminated, she may not have gotten far, but at least now she can focus on her college applications – Leshaniqua!"

Leshaniqua sauntered onstage and sat in front of the judges. She looked much more relaxed than she did during the game.

"Leshaniqua, do you regret calling out to Devin and causing your elimination?" Dwayne asked.

"Yes, I do. I knew Alejandro was tricky, and I fell for it anyway!"

"Don't worry, he has that effect on us all," Leonard said from the audience.

 _Previously unseen footage of Alejandro conversing with Leshaniqua was seen. Leshaniqua nodded at the end of their exchange, and as she left Alejandro smirked._

"I remember your cousin saying you take your family's philosophy to heart more than the rest of them," Kelly said, trying to hide the cue card underneath her mic. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, I've been pushed around a lot in my life, and one day I decided, never again. I guess I must've gone a little too far."

"And you got pushed around by Alejandro regardless," Blaineley butted in. "How tragic."

"No one asked you," Leshaniqua growled.

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady," Blaineley growled. "I am the principal of this school."

"And you do a [s word] job of it."

While Blaineley spluttered, Gerry decided to ask his question. "So now that you've been eliminated, what are you going to do differently?"

"Relax a whole lot more, 'cuz my problem was I was too uptight," Leshaniqua replied confidently. She left for the audience.

"Okay! Next up is our first truly musical contestant eliminated, and our fifth overall – Spud!"

Spud calmly ambled into the interview chair.

"Spud seems like a strange name for a kid," Dwayne said. "How'd that happen?"

"If you were PAYING ATTENTION to the opening you'd have heard me say his REAL name, Marlon," Blaineley growled.

"Nah, it's cool. One day, I just decided that, 'Spud' felt right," Spud explained. "Like it was the real me."

"What's your favorite food?" Kelly asked.

"Chocolate Oinks. My mom says that I'm a light eater, 'cuz when the lights turn on, I eat."

"That explains a lot," Blaineley remarked. The teens in the audience, which from now on will be called the Peanut Gallery (PG), glared at her.

"What's the name of your band with Rock?" Gerry asked, curious.

"Demon Frogs. _Ba na na NOW_!" Spud air-guitared himself away and joined the Gallery.

"And last and least, our sixth eliminated contestant – Chet!"

Chet got onstage.

"When did you and Ellody meet?" Dwayne asked.

"We've known each other since third grade. I fell for her hard and kept asking her out, but she kept saying no. Until eighth grade, when she finally said yes."

"Reminds me of my wife," Dwayne chuckled. "Looks like you find your one early too."

"Guess so," Chet laughed.

"What's with you and Lorenzo?" Kelly asked.

"Our parents married each other last year, and we were both afraid our birth parent would forget us for the other," Chet revealed. "Turns out Lorenzo and I actually have a lot in common. We're both uber-dorks. So we decided for the sake of our parents to make peace."

"Just out of curiosity, what's the longest time you've spent on a videogame?" Gerry asked.

"Ten hours straight on Bass Boss on my Gamebox," Chet said.

"No way! I thought Rock and I were the only ones who had that game," Spud said from the audience. "If I had a hat, I'd tip it to you."

"You can tip mine," Leshaniqua offered. Spud did so as Chet joined the PG.

"Okay..." Blaineley said, clearly uninterested, "I want all of you now to name one of the four main cardinal directions. The first one that comes to mind."

At the same time: Leonard and Staci – "West!". Tammy – "East!". Spud and Chet – "South!". Leshaniqua – "North!".

"Wait, what's this for?" Kelly asked.

"Those four directions are going to be the names of next challenge's teams! Here in Aftermath, you're going to compete in challenges yourselves. The team with the most points at the end will get to send one of the teams in the next episode of the show an advantage! But what will it be? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Total Trivia: What is the name of the clearing the hot tubs were built in in the first challenge?_

 _A. Yadda_

 _B. Mata_

 _C. Zata_

 _D. Naga_

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

 _Total Trivia: The correct answer is Zata, the word in the Algonquin language Quiripi meaning "blueberry", as Zata Clearing contains exactly 33 blueberry bushes.  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Blaineley announced. "We're about to conduct the Aftermath Afterchallenges! Our challenges will feature events from ones our ex-contestants missed out on, plus a little creation of my own. For our first challenge, we must dive into a tiny safe zone in the school's pool. Get in the zone, get a point for their team."

Cut to the pool. The contestants, wearing nondescript black wetsuits, waited behind the diving board.

"In order of elimination, begin!"

They did. Staci made it into the safe zone this time, and Leonard and Tammy did again as well. Leshaniqua, Chet, and Spud did not, however.

"Two points West, one point East." Blaineley said. "Next!"

* * *

Now the eliminees were relatively dry, back in their normal clothes, and sitting on carpets, with plastic fragments scattered around them.

"For our second challenge, our teams will have to put together the most parts of a bust of me together in thirty seconds beginning...now!"

The teams scrambled to get them finished in time. But only Spud and Chet were able to finish it.

"Annnd time! Our score is now two points West, one point East, two points South."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Staci.**

"Is it bad that I wasn't comfortable with touching ****–** **nope, no it wasn't, Blaineley's a creeper."

* * *

"For our third challenge, our ex-contestants must dodge fake snowballs! Last one standing wins!"

A miniature snowball launcher began firing white balls of mush at the contestants. By the time it ran out, only Leonard was still standing.

"Three points West, one point East, two points South. North doesn't look like it's doing well," Blaineley mocked. Leshaniqua responded by throwing one of the fake snowballs at the hostess, but she dodged it, and the baseball flew to the judge's table. Gerry pulled out a tennis racket from his pocket and deflected it, and it hit Blaineley on the back of the head. The teens laughed at her misfortune.

* * *

 **First Judge Confessional** **– Gerry.**

"I never leave home without Willford," Gerry said, affectionately patting his racket.  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Leonard.**

"How he fit that racket in his pants pocket, THAT is real magic right there."

* * *

"Laugh it off now, but **I** will get revenge! It's not a challenge, but you will have to face... **The Trial by Lustblossom!** Except you, Chet, you're immune."

"WHAT?! You brought those dang flowers HERE?!" Leshaniqua gasped.

"Not exactly," Blaineley smirked. "I had some scientists I know isolate the pheromone and mass-produce them in aerosol form. One spritz, and you'll be down for the count in no time!"

After forcing gas masks onto the judges and herself, Blaineley pulled out a remote from her dress and pressed a button. Two machine-gun-looking devices emerged from the ceiling ("How long have those been there?!" an incredulous Chet asked), and the one on the right sprayed a fine pink mist. When it cleared, Leonard and Tammy were making out. Everyone else was unaffected.

"Darn," Blaineley muttered. "I was hoping for more drama." She pressed another button on the remote, and the one on the left sprayed a blue mist that brought them back to normal.

"Oh, my, well, this is embarassing," Tammy chuckled, blushing.

"Yah, no crap," Staci muttered.

"I also had the scent of the male flowers' pollen concentrated to cancel out the female pheromones," Blaineley explained. "And don't worry about anyone else getting lovestruck, apparently the chemicals break down quickly or something. Next challenge!"

* * *

"For our fourth Aftermath Afterchallenge, our eliminees must burp the alphabet! The person who upchucks the most letters before they run out of air wins!"

After drinking some nondescript-brand grape soda, the six of them attempted to belch it, with varying success. Most of them only got to A, but Staci managed to get to C, and Chet made it to H before he ran out of air.

"Three points West, one point East, three points South. Next!"

* * *

"For our fifth challenge, our eliminees must protect their eggs from Dwayne with a baseball bat!" Each team had been given half a dozen chicken eggs on a podium in front of them, and Dwayne had been given a baseball bat. He looked apprehensive.

"Begin!"

Dwayne attempted to tiptoe over to Leshaniqua's spot, but she had none of it. She effortlessly picked him up and threw him aside, causing him to crash down onto the other podiums. Everyone but Leshaniqua, who was panting heavily, and an impressed Blaineley, winced.

"Three points West, one point East, three points South, and finally a point for North. Moving on to the final challenge! ...Can someone get this meatbag off my stage?"

* * *

"And now, the last challenge. This one is worth THREE points instead of the usual one. Our eliminated contestants must wade barefoot...through not-actually real lava! Whoever walks through to the other side first wins!"

The five contestants not named Spud gulped in terror. But the one who was named Spud calmly removed his shoes and socks before wading across a puddle of boiling tomato soup undeterred.

"...What?" Tammy asked. "Was that a fireproofing spell?"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Spud.**

"Delayed reaction time, man," Spud said calmly. "I have to like, wait until I feel pain." Then his eyes widened. "YEOWCH!"  


* * *

"And with that, South goes from three points to six, and the South Team in the show will get... a thirty-second headstart!" Blaineley smiled at the camera. "So while Spud's getting treated for second-degree burns, let's look at some of Total Drama's Funniest Moments!"

* * *

"Broken...brokener...brokenest!"

 _As Blaineley said that, three clips from "Not-so Happy Campers" began to play: Sierra punching the buoy Cody had gotten his kiwis pulped by, cracking it, then Tyler slamming into the same buoy headfirst, making the crack even bigger, and then Courtney landing on it, finally breaking it and letting the sharks move in._

"This one was plain gym-nasty!"

 _Sky messing up during her act in the talent show._

"Our first barf of the series."

 _Owen-_ Deinocheirus _vomiting plants up for Anne Maria-_ Therizinosaurus _to eat._

"And our first mass upchuck of the series!"

 _Everyone vomiting after Owen farted._

"In Total Drama, game plays you!"

 _Devin getting beaten up by the console._

"The beginnings of young love...or not."

 _Noah and Emma hitting each other in the face with snowballs and knocking each other out._

"No one likes the person who screws everyone over."

 _Tammy getting covered with snowballs._

"And some people just can't catch a break."

 _MacArthur faceplanting into the ground and screaming into it._

* * *

"And now, for our final part of the Aftermath, we will have you guys root for someone still in the game," Blaineley said to the eliminated contestants. Spud was now in a wheelchair and had both feet bandaged up. "At the end of the show, we'll tally the votes, and whoever has the most supporters will receive a prize! As for the person who gets the most votes against them by the end of the show, they will get a punishment of my own creation, befitting of Total Drama's least popular contestant. Go to the confessionals and vote now."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Staci.**

"I'm going with Bridgette. She seems pretty nice, although I don't know her that well. I want to give back to her protecting me from that Spanish snake. He lies even more than I do! And to hurt people too, sad, I know."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Leonard and Tammy.**

"We're both going with Ella," Leonard began. "She actually spent time with us, something no one else wanted to do. Plus we really connect with her roleplaying as a princess."

"She's a real sweetie," Tammy piped up. "And she's one of the greatest singers I've ever heard!"

"Truer songs have not come from a greater bard than Ella."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Leshaniqua.**

"I have to go with Leshawna. Family helps family, you know."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Spud.**

"Rock is still gonna be my main man, dudes. Rock on, Rock. Rock on. ...What if Rock had a rock on his head? That'd be, like, so crazy."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Chet.**

"Ellody. I figure this'd at least make up for the flower mess."

* * *

"And that's the end of that," Blaineley said. "Tune in after Challenge 12 for the second Aftermath."

The bell rang.

"And that's the end of lunch. Now go back to class before I give you detention!"

"Does that include us?" Dwayne asked.

"Ugh...why do I always get the stupid ones?" Blaineley muttered.

* * *

 **Votes against:**

 **Owen – 0**

 **Dakota – 0**

 **B – 0**

 **Noah – 0**

 **Cody – 0**

 **Ella – 1**

 **Izzy – 0**

 **Emma – 0**

 **Kitty – 0**

 **Junior – 0**

 **Sierra – 1**

 **Topher – 0**

 **Beth – 0**

 **Brady – 0**

 **Justin – 0**

 **Katie – 0**

 **Sadie – 0**

 **Lorenzo – 0**

 **Mary – 0**

 **Brick – 0**

 **Ennui – 0**

 **Crimson – 0**

 **Scott – 0**

 **Phil – 0**

 **Heather – 7**

 **Lindsay – 0**

 **Taylor – 0**

 **Alejandro – 4**

 **Devin – 3**

 **Carrie – 0**

 **Ryan – 0**

 **Stephanie – 0**

 **Miles – 0**

 **Laurie – 0**

 **Anne Maria – 0**

 **Lauren – 0**

 **Cameron – 0**

 **Mike – 0**

 **Eva – 0**

 **DJ – 0**

 **Sam – 0**

 **Scarlett – 2  
**

 **Max – 0**

 **Rodney – 2**

 **Zeke – 2**

 **Sugar – 5**

 **Sanders – 0**

 **MacArthur – 0**

 **Zoey – 0**

 **Gwen – 3**

 **Leshawna – 0**

 **Jasmine O. – 0**

 **Trent – 0**

 **Harold** **– 0**

 **Ellody – 0**

 **Chet – 11 (Eliminated 6th)**

 **Leonard – 13 (Eliminated 2nd)**

 **Tammy – 14 (Eliminated 3rd)**

 **Dawn – 0**

 **Leshaniqua – 5 (Eliminated 4th)**

 **Shawn – 0**

 **Lightning – 6**

 **Jo – 0**

 **Amy – 7**

 **Sammy – 0**

 **Jasmine T. – 0**

 **Sky – 0**

 **Mickey – 0**

 **Jay – 0**

 **Tom – 0**

 **Jen – 0**

 **Dave – 0**

 **Geoff – 0**

 **Bridgette – 0**

 **Courtney – 4**

 **Duncan – 3**

 **Tyler – 0**

 **Rock – 0**

 **Spud – 8 (Eliminated 5th)**

 **Staci – 6 (Eliminated 1st)**

 **Beardo – 0**

 **Jacques – 1**

 **Josee – 0**

 **Brody – 0**

 **Votes for Winner:**

 **Owen – None**

 **Dakota – None**

 **B – None**

 **Noah – None**

 **Cody – None**

 **Ella – Leonard, Tammy (2)**

 **Izzy – None**

 **Emma – None**

 **Kitty – None**

 **Junior – None**

 **Sierra – None**

 **Topher – None**

 **Beth – None**

 **Brady – None**

 **Justin – None**

 **Katie – None**

 **Sadie – None**

 **Lorenzo – None**

 **Mary – None**

 **Brick – None**

 **Ennui – None**

 **Crimson – None**

 **Scott – None**

 **Phil – None**

 **Heather – None**

 **Lindsay – None**

 **Taylor – None**

 **Alejandro – None**

 **Devin – None**

 **Carrie – None**

 **Ryan – None**

 **Stephanie – None**

 **Miles – None**

 **Laurie – None**

 **Anne Maria – None**

 **Lauren – None**

 **Cameron – None**

 **Mike – None**

 **Eva – None**

 **DJ – None**

 **Sam – None**

 **Scarlett – None**

 **Max – None**

 **Rodney – None**

 **Zeke – None**

 **Sugar – None**

 **Sanders – None**

 **MacArthur – None**

 **Zoey – None**

 **Gwen – None**

 **Leshawna – Leshaniqua (1)**

 **Jasmine O.** ** **– None****

 **Trent** ** **– None****

 **Harold** **– None**

 **Ellody – Chet (1)**

 **Chet – N/A**

 **Leonard – N/A**

 **Tammy – N/A**

 **Dawn – None**

 **Leshaniqua – N/A**

 **Shawn – None**

 **Lightning – None**

 **Jo – None**

 **Amy – None**

 **Sammy – None**

 **Jasmine T. – None**

 **Sky – None**

 **Mickey – None**

 **Jay – None**

 **Tom – None**

 **Jen – None**

 **Dave – None**

 **Geoff – None**

 **Bridgette – Staci (1)**

 **Courtney – None**

 **Duncan – None**

 **Tyler – None**

 **Rock – Spud (1)**

 **Spud – N/A**

 **Staci** ** **– N/A****

 **Beardo** ** **– None****

 **Jacques** ** **– None****

 **Josee** ** **– None****

 **Brody** **– None**

* * *

 **After the Aftermath:**

Blaineley and Chris were video-chatting. "Well, so far so good, right? The six voted off weren't too popular in school," Blaineley said. "This was a great idea, honey. Total Drama will prove once and for all that popular people are the best!"

"I know, and thanks," Chris chuckled. "With predominately physical challenges, we'll weed out the wimps before the final 42."

"Although I am a bit worried that Noah may act on Emma's proposal for an alliance," Blaineley admitted. "The real reason I didn't want them interacting wasn't just popular-vs-loser. From what her parents told me when she was getting transferred over, Emma is feisty and doesn't take crap from anyone. And Noah is incredibly intelligent and knows all the ins and outs of our system. If they put their heads together, they could undermine the school's entire social structure. No more cliques for good."

Both shuddered at the thought.

"Don't worry, the next challenge is physical, and as Noah said himself, he hates physical," Chris reassured her. "We'll send him packing before you can say Chef."

"Huh?" Chef asked from offscreen.

"No, not...never mind." The transmission ended, both hosts unaware that they'd just jinxed themselves.


	13. 1-7: Dodgebrawl

**Review Time!  
**

 **Yeezynight14: Thanks! I knew the aftermath would show off Blaineley's sadism well. Fun fact: Gerry wasn't originally going to be a judge, but I later decided to include him to balance their dynamic better. This chapter will redo one of my least favorite episodes of the classic series.**

* * *

 _Thursday, September 28, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – EARTHQUAKES! [Tyler tumbling across the shake table] HURRICANES! [Ella getting wet] VOLCANOES! [Owen burning his tongue] BAD SPORTSMANSHIP! [Jacques walking away from the hole Brody was in] Okay, only the last one was real. Our three teams made an homage to disaster movies with a timed obstacle course! [Team Amazon reaching the pine tree] The winner, in this case Team I'm Hotter Than All The Dads Watching This Show, got an advantage for part two – escaping from a sinking sub! [The interns puncturing holes in the old submarines] Due to the island once having been a nuclear waste dump, Chet managed to get ahold of some freaky flowers [Chet picking two lustblossoms] that cost his team the win and him a chance at a million dollars. [Chet's elimination] But Team Amazon went from last to first with a little help from obsessive fangirl Sierra [Sierra weaving the stopper] and braniac BFFs Mary and Ellody."

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Seventy-eight contestants remain. Who will swerve to safety, and who will sit out for the rest of the game? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

"Okay, campers, we're going to have a challenge right here in the Drama Gym!" Chris announced, standing at a table. The contestants were sitting in the bleachers of a fairly large gymnasium. "But first, I need to explain some things." He pulled out a keychain with an image of himself printed on it. The only difference between the clothes of the image and the ones he was wearing was the shirt in the picture was light gray. He then pointed to five more of these keychains on the table. "Behold! The Official Chris McLean Brand Immunity Keychains of POWAAAH!"

Thunder roared behind him. Cut to reveal Beardo was the source of the noise.

"Scattered around the island are special immunity idols, one for each of you." Chris turned the one in his hands over to reveal STACI printed on the back in permanent marker. "I had my interns hide these while you guys were playing dinosaurs. Then they had to go retrieve Spud's from a woodpecker's nest after his elimination.

"So...Heather, I know you have enemies. And let's say that one day, your team is up for elimination, and they want you out. But if you have an immunity idol, you can play it, and you won't just be safe from that campfire ceremony. You'll be immune for the next nine too!"

"Wow, talk about overkill," Sam remarked.

"But there's a twist. The person who received the next-highest votes may not be the one kicked out. Whoever is eliminated is the one whose name was written on that particular idol. So let's say Heather plays the idol with 'GWEN' written on it. Gwen is automatically eliminated from the game, even if she wasn't on Heather's team."

"You WOULD do that," Gwen snarked to Heather.

"Fight me, pasty."

Chris ignored them. "After ten elimination ceremonies, the first being the one you played the idol in, your immunity is gone, and it's back to the grind. The idol, meanwhile, becomes unusable, as evidenced by my shirt in the picture turning from teal to gray.

"But there are some ground rules regarding the idols that I'd like to cover before we start the challenge. First off, anyone who is immunized _**CANNOT**_ receive votes against them. Anyone who votes for the immune is automatically eliminated. If you play multiple immunity idols, you will still be immune for ten eliminations, not twenty, thirty, or until the end of the game. You'll just eliminate multiple people and will probably get eliminated once your immunity is used up.

"If you play an immunity idol against someone who is immune, you get eliminated, but in this case the immunized person can choose who else gets immunity. Playing your own immunity idol doesn't eliminate you, but your immunity only lasts for five eliminations instead of ten.

"Finally, when we reach the final ten, the teams will merge. There will be no more teams, and no more voting. Each person will be in a race-like competition to the challenge's finish line, and the last one there will be a rotten egg and as such will get thrown out. When the teams merge, the immunity idols become meaningless, and all idols that haven't been found by my interns already (the idols are microchipped, BTW) will be removed from the island.

"Got that?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"Well of course **I** do," Courtney smirked. 

* * *

"Uh...what's the challenge?" Lindsay asked.

"Oh, right. Thanks for reminding me." Chris pulled out, from behind his back, a massive rack of jerseys. The rack had four rows of different colors (royal purple, light blue, lime green, copper brown), with nineteen jerseys in each row.

"Um, Chris? Seventy-eight isn't evenly divisible by four," Harold interjected. "To get everyone you'd want two teams of thirty-nine, three teams of twenty-six, or six teams of thirteen."

"WOW, Doris, I never knew you could be such a dork," Duncan chortled. Courtney elbowed him. "Ow! What?"

"I thought of that," Chris replied. "And I have a solution. Two people will be floaters in each round of...dodgeball! Decide who floats now."

"I'm out," Noah said quickly.

"Me too," Dakota added.

"Well, I guess that's that," Chris said. A whole lot of people glared at the floaters, but especially at Noah.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

Owen sighed disappointedly. "Oh...Noah, I know you don't like sports, but you don't wanna be a target either!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"I don't know HOW Chris did it, but I'm still sore from the VR challenge," Noah said crossly. "There is no way I'm playing dodgeball. Not since The Incident." He shuddered.

* * *

 **Confessional – Dakota.**

"I just did my nails, and I don't want to use my hands until I'm certain they're dry," Dakota said, showing off her glittery pink fingernails to the camera.

* * *

"The rest of you...hmmmm...Cody, Sierra, Eva, MacArthur, Jo, Trent, Sammy, Amy, Jen, Katie, Sadie, Dave, Shawn, Jasmine T., Sam, Harold, Ellody, Beardo, and Mary. You will be the North Team, and your color is purple. Come down and get your jerseys."

Once they had all left the bleachers and all the jerseys were over their shirts, Chris continued. "Mike, Courtney, Dawn, Emma, Max, Tyler, Ella, Sugar, Kitty, Crimson, Brody, Taylor, Junior, Jacques, Josee, Jay, Harold, Anne Maria, and DJ. You will be the South Team, and your color is green."

Once they were done getting their jerseys, Chris continued. "Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Devin, Duncan, Heather, Scott, Scarlett, Izzy, Topher, Laurie, Miles, Lightning, Justin, Mickey, Ennui, Cameron, Leshawna, and Zoey. You will be the East Team, and your color is blue."

Chris finished with "Everyone else, you are the West Team, and your color is brown."

When all the jerseys were gone, Chris said, "Okay, now for the actual challenge. We will be playing five rounds of Drama Dodgeball. Just like normal dodgeball, the last team standing wins the round. First team down gets one point, second and third down get two and three points respectively, and the team who hasn't lost everyone gets four points. The team with the most points at the end of all five rounds wins the challenge. The team with the least votes someone out. The floaters will be immune."

Alejandro looked bummed.

"But Noah and Dakota won't be floaters by the time the game is up." Alejandro perked up at this. "We want EVERYONE to have at least ONE bruise by the end of this. So at the end of Round One, Noah and Dakota will join the East Team, and two people from the East Team will sit out for Round Two. When that round is up, the floaters will join the South Team, and two people from that team will sit out, and so on, counterclockwise until two people from the North Team sit out the final round. THOSE floaters and ONLY those floaters will be safe from being voted off."

Amy gave Sammy a look as if to say 'We're floating last round.'

"And now for the gameplay. Each team has their designated corner, marked by a flag." Pan to reveal a flag in the West corner. Chris made a motion to Chef, who dropped some rubber balls in that section. There were six yellow balls and one copper brown ball. "Each team gets seven balls. Six of them are yellow and can be handled by anyone. One of them is in the team's color and can only be touched by people of that team. If anyone else touches them, they're automatically out and join our two chumps in the bleachers."

"I resent that!" Noah shouted from his seat, not even bothering to look up from _War and Peace_.

"Me too! I think...what does resent mean again?" Dakota asked. From where she was standing, Taylor facepalmed.

"Get to your spots now. Once you have, the game will begin! Due to events from the Aftermath, South will get a thirty-second headstart!"

* * *

 **North: Cody, Sierra, Eva, MacArthur, Jo, Trent, Sammy, Amy, Jen, Katie, Sadie, Dave, Shawn, Jasmine T., Sam, Harold, Ellody, Beardo, and Mary.**

 **South: Mike, Courtney, Dawn, Emma, Max, Tyler, Ella, Sugar, Kitty, Crimson, Brody, Taylor, Junior, Jacques, Josee, Jay, Harold, Anne Maria, and DJ.**

 **East: Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Devin, Duncan, Heather, Scott, Scarlett, Izzy, Topher, Laurie, Miles, Lightning, Justin, Mickey, Ennui, Cameron, Leshawna, and Zoey.**

 **West: Owen, Gwen, Beth, Geoff, Carrie, Sky, Brick, Phil, Rock, Stephanie, Tom, Lauren, Zeke, Lindsay, Bridgette, Rodney, Lorenzo, Sanders, B, and Jasmine O.**

 **Floaters: Noah, Dakota (to East)**

* * *

 ** _"Begin Round One."_**

As soon as the prerecorded voice went silent, South conversed among themselves to discuss strategy, unfortunately undoing their advantage by the time they finished.

"Wow," Chris deadpanned, unamused. "Okay, someone else start the game. I wanna see PAIN!"

MacArthur complied and picked up a yellow ball and threw it at West, where it hit Rodney, who was drooling over her, in the chest.

Chef, who was the referee, blew his whistle. "Farm Twit! You're out!"

As soon as Rodney began to leave, Brick threw a yellow ball back at North, but Jo caught it. With an evil look in her eyes, she threw it back at him. Brick narrowly dodged it, and while the ball hit Lorenzo in the head ("Motivator! You're out!"), in retaliation Brick threw the brown ball at Jo. It hit her in the groin, sending her to the ground.

"Jock Girl! You're out!"

"Nice going," Stephanie grunted. "Now our ball is all the way over there!"

"No worries, ma'am," Brick said confidently. "I can retrieve it. Even under enemy fire."

"Methinks that's our cue," Heather smirked, before picking up one of her team's yellow balls and firing it at North, where it hit Trent in the arm. ("Music Man! You're out!") She quickly spun around, picked two off the ground, and threw them at South, taking out both of the Ice Dancers and Ella ("Ice Nerds! Princess Lady! You're out!"). South began firing its own balls, as did North, forcing the poor Cadet to crawl on the ground, desperately trying to avoid striking out, while Chef fired off his nicknames for everyone who was hit by the barrage of rubber.

He eventually made it to North's corner, and placed his hands on what he thought was his team's ball. But then he discovered Dave had switched it out with _his_ team's purple ball.

"Corporal Dampypants! You're out!"

"How did this happen?" Brick asked. Then he saw that Dave had knocked away the brown ball by throwing a yellow ball at it, as he was still doing that. "Ooh, clever."

* * *

In the bleachers, Duncan joined an impromptu meeting of the Guy's Alliance. "I HATE this!" Duncan griped. "All the best athletes are on the other teams!"

" _Ahem_."

"No offense to you Ryan, it's just...you're big, okay? And big means easy target."

"Fair enough. I don't see us winning this either. Who should we vote for?"

"Izzy seems like she'd hurt us all given the chance," Devin replied. "She also has supernatural stamina, so she's going to last a while in physical challenges."

"Crazy Legs! You're out!"

"Or not."

"No," Alejandro said finally. "We vote for Noah. He's smarter than all of us combined, making him a prime mental threat."

"I don't know," Brady said. "He's alright if you get to know him, he's just...prickly."

"He didn't want to help us," Alejandro reminded him. "You are an athlete yourself, Brady. Don't you feel just a little insulted?"

Brady pondered this.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"The real reason is far more personal than that," Alejandro said bitterly. "Noah knows of my true diabolical nature. Not too many do, but of them only Noah is a real threat to me. No one of my class listens too much to the seniors, and Bridgette's social network is too small to make much of an impact. And rather than expose me, Heather has decided to try and one-up me, as she is no angel herself. Ah, I love that woman when she's not trying to kill me," he said wistfully. Then he got an angry look on his face. "But given the chance, Noah would quickly and easily undo all that I've worked for. I want to stop him before he can do that. He needs to go NOW."  


* * *

Eventually, only Zeke, Mary, and Ellody remained.

"Please don't hurt me," Zeke whimpered.

"Don't worry, I'm throwing this in a way so it won't," Mary said. She threw it gently, and it lightly grazed Zeke's foot.

"Okay then! North wins Round One!" Chris announced. North cheered while Mary and Ellody fist-bumped. "Let's see the scoreboard!"

 **North: 4**

 **East: 2  
**

 **South: 1  
**

 **West: 3**

"Not too shabby. East! Two of you are leaving forever, and in their place, Noah and Dakota shall rise! Who will go South?"

"I'll go to South, Chris!" Topher volunteered.

"Uh, me too," Mickey said nervously.

"Alrighty then! Please remove your jerseys and give them to the floaters, please."

"Win it for the Misfits, Noah," Mickey whispered as he gave Noah his blue jersey.

"No way am I wearing that dirty thing," Dakota said. "Especially off a guy."

"It's actually really comfortable, you'd like it," Topher replied.

* * *

 **Confessional – Dakota.**

"Well whaddya know, he was right."  


* * *

 **North: Cody, Sierra, Eva, MacArthur, Jo, Trent, Sammy, Amy, Jen, Katie, Sadie, Dave, Shawn, Jasmine T., Sam, Harold, Ellody, Beardo, and Mary.**

 **South: Mike, Courtney, Dawn, Emma, Max, Tyler, Ella, Sugar, Kitty, Crimson, Brody, Taylor, Junior, Jacques, Josee, Jay, Harold, Anne Maria, and DJ.**

 **East: Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Devin, Duncan, Heather, Scott, Scarlett, Izzy, Noah, Laurie, Miles, Lightning, Justin, Dakota, Ennui, Cameron, Leshawna, and Zoey.**

 **West: Owen, Gwen, Beth, Geoff, Carrie, Sky, Brick, Phil, Rock, Stephanie, Tom, Lauren, Zeke, Lindsay, Bridgette, Rodney, Lorenzo, Sanders, B, and Jasmine O.**

 **Floaters: Topher, Mickey (to South)**

* * *

 ** _"Begin Round Two."_**

"You okay, Mike?" Junior asked amidst the fray. The other teams had decided to focus on each other first, allowing South to look at Mike, who was shuddering violently. In the background, Noah attempted to run away from a very predatory-looking Amy.

Mike was barely keeping himself together. "I-I'm fine, it's just–"

Suddenly, two yellow balls rocketed into the South Team from afar, thrown by Sky and Beth from West. Mike's head dropped downward, and without looking caught both balls midair. He looked up, and his face began to change. His skin seemed to get smoother, his eyelashes seemed to extend in a way normally only makeup could induce, and his lips swelled up and turned red, as though he were wearing lipstick.

"I officially declare this Svetlana Time!" Mike, in an unusually feminine and Russian-accented voice, declared. S/he quickly fired the balls back, before throwing the six yellow balls given to South at the beginning. The balls flew threw the air and quickly decimated North and East. S/he then picked up the team's green ball, and threw it at the wall. It bounced off the wall and smacked, in quick succession, the rest of East, before catching the green ball in his/her hand.

Svetlana gasped, and Mike returned to normal. "Oh crap! No no no no!" He stared at his teammates sheepishly. "Um, I can explain. I'm an actor, and–"

"Mike, everyone knows about the whole MPD thing," Courtney said flatly.

"Oh...right."

"MPD?" Kitty asked.

"Multiple Personality Disorder. People with it have to share their minds with alternate personalities. It usually comes from abusive childhoods," Harold explained.

"Oh...poor Mike, then."

"Well, Svetlana really helped us take out our competition," Courtney said. "We could use her more often."

"I-I don't know..." Mike said, worried.

"Mike, listen to me." Everyone turned to look at Dawn. "I know you're trying to keep your personalities under control, and I understand and respect that. If Mal was really as evil as you say he was, no one in their right mind would want a repeat of that. But your alternates are a part of you regardless, and if they think they can help others, you should allow them to do so."

"Huh, so it CAN think," Josee remarked. Tyler and Emma glared at her. "What?"

"Okay...but Svetlana says she wants you guys to have a chance," Mike said finally.

"Wise," Jacques said, cracking his knuckles, before picking up a yellow ball and throwing it at Sanders, knocking her out when her head hit the floor.

"Good Cop! You're out!"

* * *

"So who should we vote for?" Scott asked Heather. The entire East Team had been knocked out of the round.

"I overheard Alejandro talking about voting off Noah," she replied, "so we go after the other OG floater: Dakota."

"You sure?"

"Of course. Noah, despite being utterly afraid of dodgeball for no [f word]ing reason, is at least _trying_ to keep us in the game by not getting hit. Dakota isn't even doing that."

Indeed, throughout the game Dakota hadn't made any effort to avoid getting hit. Scott weighed his options before finally saying "Good call."

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"That, and she's in Taylor's clique, so the fewer allies Taylor has, the better for me."  


* * *

"South wins Round Two!" Chris announced. South, with the Ice Dancers still standing, cheered. "Let's see the scoreboard!"

 **North: 6  
**

 **East: 3  
**

 **South: 5  
**

 **West: 6  
**

"West and North are tied, but will that change? Let's hope so. South! Two of you will have to go West after floating Round Three!"

"According to the auras around me, I think I and Brody should go," Dawn said.

"Why me?" Brody asked. Dawn pointed to Geoff and Bridgette, who waved to Brody. "Oh, I got you!"

"Aura reading. Pfft. What a load of malarky," Scott dismissed. Dawn looked hurt at this.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sam.**

"According to Dawn's official medical diagnosis, she actually has a form of synesthesia that combines emotional perception with color. She's also REALLY good at discerning emotions and can easily figure out what's on someone's mind," Sam explained. "She's basically a living lie detector. Oh, and if you're wondering how I know this, my dad's the doctor who diagnosed her."  


* * *

 **North: Cody, Sierra, Eva, MacArthur, Jo, Trent, Sammy, Amy, Jen, Katie, Sadie, Dave, Shawn, Jasmine T., Sam, Harold, Ellody, Beardo, and Mary.**

 **South: Mike, Courtney, Mickey, Emma, Max, Tyler, Ella, Sugar, Kitty, Crimson, Topher, Taylor, Junior, Jacques, Josee, Jay, Harold, Anne Maria, and DJ.**

 **East: Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Devin, Duncan, Heather, Scott, Scarlett, Izzy, Noah, Laurie, Miles, Lightning, Justin, Dakota, Ennui, Cameron, Leshawna, and Zoey.**

 **West: Owen, Gwen, Beth, Geoff, Carrie, Sky, Brick, Phil, Rock, Stephanie, Tom, Lauren, Zeke, Lindsay, Bridgette, Rodney, Lorenzo, Sanders, B, and Jasmine O.**

 **Floaters: Brody, Dawn (to West)**

* * *

"Well, we're almost at the halfway mark," Chris said. "Which team is going to win it big? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "We're playing Drama Dodgeball, and Mike, I mean Svetlana, is carrying South to victory. But will that last?"

* * *

 ** _"Begin Round Three."_**

South continued to dominate the game, this time opting to take out North first. However, Emma was struck out early.

"Uptight! You're out!"

Emma sighed and left for the bleachers. Upon sitting down, she noticed Noah glaring at the game contemptuously. "Y'know, you could at least ENCOURAGE your team to win."

"Yay East, go and dodge those murderballs," Noah said half-heartedly.

"Not like that. Seriously, what's your problem?"

"Not a people person in the least," Noah replied. "Plus this game is kinda freaking me out, so..."

"Well, I don't know, but it wouldn't hurt to be nicer to people. You could be on the chopping block, for all we know."

"Selfie Addict! You're out!"

Emma saw Kitty, with a huge black eye, make her way to the bleachers. Kitty looked like she was about to cry. Emma gasped and rushed away to help her sister, leaving Noah to mull over what Emma had said.

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"I hope I wasn't too harsh," Emma said sternly, "but he does need to straighten up. And now Kitty's hurt! Agh, I hate Chris."  


* * *

"South wins Round Three!" Chris announced. Everyone else groaned, while the half of South still standing smiled cockily. "Let's see the scoreboard!"

 **North: 7  
**

 **East: 5  
**

 **South: 9  
**

 **West: 9  
**

"There _was_ a change, for South is now tied with West. But can they break that tie? West! Two of you will have to go North and be our last non-immune floaters!"

"Come over here, buddy!" Geoff said. Brody switched jerseys with Tom, ran over to West, and high-fived his best friend.

"Sanders, I could kinda use a little help over here," MacArthur said.

"Alright, I'll float." Sanders winced as she said that, as her head still hurt from earlier.

* * *

 **North: Cody, Sierra, Eva, MacArthur, Jo, Trent, Sammy, Amy, Jen, Katie, Sadie, Dave, Shawn, Jasmine T., Sam, Harold, Ellody, Beardo, and Mary.**

 **South: Mike, Courtney, Mickey, Emma, Max, Tyler, Ella, Sugar, Kitty, Crimson, Topher, Taylor, Junior, Jacques, Josee, Jay, Harold, Anne Maria, and DJ.**

 **East: Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Devin, Duncan, Heather, Scott, Scarlett, Izzy, Noah, Laurie, Miles, Lightning, Justin, Dakota, Ennui, Cameron, Leshawna, and Zoey.**

 **West: Owen, Gwen, Beth, Geoff, Carrie, Sky, Brick, Phil, Rock, Stephanie, Jen, Lauren, Zeke, Lindsay, Bridgette, Rodney, Lorenzo, Brody, B, and Jasmine O.**

 **Floaters: Sanders, Tom (to North)**

* * *

 ** _"Begin Round Four."_**

"Okay, I think we should take out Mike," Shawn said. "Clearly, Svetlana is allowing South to dominate the game. And if we take him out early, they'll realize that we've wised up, and they won't be able to use that strategy ever again."

"It's a good plan, but I'm confused about your hastiness to say so. Aren't you and Mike friends or something?" Jasmine T. asked.

"We are, but right now Mike's my enemy. You always have to be prepared for the possibility that your friends could easily turn on you. After all, the zombie viruses won't care who they infect."

"Viruses?!" Dave looked worried.

Amy facepalmed. "Oh my gag, I'm surrounded by idiots! Give me a ball and I'll do it!"

"Don't hit him in the head," Eva warned. "That's Mal's trigger, and from what I've heard, Mal is essentially the essence of evil."

"Make me."

Eva flexed her massive biceps. Amy gulped and conceded, throwing a yellow ball at Mike's foot. It connected.

"Jitterbug! You're out!"

"Not so tough without your star athlete, are ya?" Jo taunted.

"Bite me, _femme de sanglier_!" Josee roared, before firing a yellow ball at Jo. She quickly dodged, then whistled. Because South had accumulated the majority of the yellow balls, they were able to do something extraordinary. Katie and Sadie quickly formed a machine gun-like setup, with Sadie supplying Katie with yellow balls, and eventually the team's purple ball. The wave took out everybody, with the latter ricocheting off the walls of the gym, smacking multiple people in the sides and heads.

One of these was Dakota, who received a ball to her face. "Ow! Hey, stop that! Do you know how long it took to do my makeup this morning?"

"Uh, yeah! I had to take a dump in the woods because you were tying up the bathroom!" Heather snapped.

"Rich Kid! You're out!"

Katie and Sadie's strategy didn't last much longer, for Sadie handed Katie a ball and had picked up another when they realized said balls were blue and green, respectively. Both looked at them, eyes wide.

"Fat Girl! Squealer! You're out!"

* * *

"North wins Round Four!" Chris announced. North cheered. "Let's see the scoreboard!"

 **North: 11  
**

 **East: 6  
**

 **South: 12  
**

 **West: 11  
**

"North and West are now tied, but it's South in the lead now. And poor East is trailing behind as the last team in the single digits. North! Two of you can relax, because you're going to be immune!"

"I'm not doing this anymore. My team is a bunch of dopes," Amy said crossly. "Come on Samey, let's ditch this joint."

"Must I?"

Amy snarled at her younger sister.

"O-okay..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.**

"Every time I'm on the losing team, people vote for me! I can't understand why. I mean, Samey's obviously a liability, but me?"  


* * *

 **North: Cody, Sierra, Eva, MacArthur, Jo, Trent, Sammy, Amy, Jen, Katie, Sadie, Dave, Shawn, Jasmine T., Sam, Harold, Ellody, Beardo, and Mary.**

 **South: Mike, Courtney, Mickey, Emma, Max, Tyler, Ella, Sugar, Kitty, Crimson, Topher, Taylor, Junior, Jacques, Josee, Jay, Harold, Anne Maria, and DJ.**

 **East: Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Devin, Duncan, Heather, Scott, Scarlett, Izzy, Noah, Laurie, Miles, Lightning, Justin, Dakota, Ennui, Cameron, Leshawna, and Zoey.**

 **West: Owen, Gwen, Beth, Geoff, Carrie, Sky, Brick, Phil, Rock, Stephanie, Jen, Lauren, Zeke, Lindsay, Bridgette, Rodney, Lorenzo, Brody, B, and Jasmine O.**

 **Floaters: Sammy, Amy (automatically immune)**

* * *

 ** _"Begin Round Five."_**

The final round was chaotic, to put it lightly. Mike, without Svetlana to help his team, was quickly taken out by Ryan. "No hard feelings, little guy," Ryan said gently.

"It's okay," Mike sighed.

"Jitterbug! You're out!

Heather quickly fired a ball at Gwen, knocking her over. She laughed, only to be knocked over herself by a throw from Taylor. Taylor got hit by Jo, then Jo by Courtney.

"Gothball! You're out! Diva Face! You're out! Brat! You're out! Jock Girl! You're out! A-type Crazy! You're out!"

"How did he even know I was in that band?" Courtney asked.

"I don't know, but he should NOT be allowed to give us those nicknames," Heather growled.

"Finally, we agree on something," Taylor remarked.

Dakota hadn't even bothered throwing a ball at anyone. "How hard could it be? Pick up the ball and throw it at someone!" Duncan hissed.

"I never played sports as a kid," Dakota admitted.

"Girl, dodgeball is so sha-easy. Watch Lightning." Lightning picked up a yellow ball and threw it at B, who was too big to move out of the way fast enough. "See?"

"Silent Boy! You're out!"

"Oh, I think I got it," Dakota said. She finally grabbed a yellow ball and threw it at Cody. It got him in the arm.

"Ow."

"Geek Teeth! You're out!"

"DON'T YOU TOUCH MY CODY!" Sierra screeched, throwing North's purple ball at Dakota's legs. It hit.

"Rich Girl! You're out!"

"Aren't you going to play?" Lightning asked Noah.

"Nah, not big on sports. My siblings' athleticism provided me with more than enough for the next three of my lifetimes."

Lightning's jaw dropped. Noah saw an incoming ball and sidestepped it, letting it hit Lightning in the nose.

"Sports Dork! You're out!"

* * *

"North wins Round Five!" Chris announced. "Let's see the scoreboard!"

 **North: 15  
**

 **East: 9  
**

 **South: 14  
**

 **West: 12  
**

"And with a total score of fifteen points, North wins the game!" North cheered. "In second place, eternal enemy South with fourteen points! You're safe from elimination!" South cheered, albeit with less enthusiasm than North. "In third place, wild West with twelve points! You're safe from elimination!" West shrugged. "East may have been taken out third in the last round, but they're still our losing team with nine points!" East groaned. "East Team, meet me at the campfire at eight, someone's going home!"

Alejandro silently nodded to the rest of his alliance, and then glared at Noah from behind him.

* * *

 **Confessional – Laurie.**

"Don't think I didn't forget about what you said in the second challenge," Laurie growled, writing ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper. Then she had a thought. "Is this paper vegan?"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.**

"I'm still sore about what Lightning did last challenge," Scarlett said calmly, writing LIGHTNING on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Leshawna.**

"I don't like people who are spoiled," Leshawna said honestly, "and Dakota's almost as spoiled as they come." She wrote DAKOTA on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Devin.**

"Alejandro wants me to vote for Noah," Devin said, writing NOAH on a piece of paper. "I mean, he didn't help our team that much, but I do remember Carrie telling me that Noah had this injury of some type once, so maybe Noah was concerned about that acting up. I don't know."

* * *

 **Confessional – Eva.**

"Noah actually has a FEAR of dodgeball, and for good reason," Eva clarified. "I was there when The Incident happened. In first grade our class was playing dodgeball when some teenage hoodlum threw a ball at Noah so hard it threw him into a brick wall. Busted all of the ribs on his left side. Noah's never fully recovered from that." She sighed and glared at the camera. "Of course, no one will care."  


* * *

"Here's how we eliminate people," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." East Team saw a plate of nineteen marshmallows, four of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got for even more drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Ryan, Brady, Devin, Duncan, Heather, Scott, Scarlett, Izzy, Laurie, Miles, Justin, Ennui, Cameron, Leshawna, and Zoey."

Once they all had their marshmallows, Chris pointed to the blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Lightning, come here, big guy." Lightning looked distressed, but accepted it regardless.

Then Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Alejandro, you have three votes against you."

Alejandro shrugged and got his marshmallow.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Dakota. Noah."

The two looked at him, Dakota not until she was done filing her fingernails.

"Dakota, your self-absorption led to you performing poorly. Noah, you have a ridiculous aversion to sports and weren't able to man up. It's really close, with eight votes against seven. Who got the seven?...

...

...

...

...

"It's Dakota! Noah, you. Are. OUTTA HERE!"

Noah sighed sadly and got up to get the red marshmallow. But Dakota had gotten up at the same time, and as a result, Noah bumped into her and fell on his face. As he tried to pick himself up, he discovered something beneath his hand was too smooth to be naturally-occurring.

Picking it up and brushing off the dirt, he discovered that he was holding an immunity idol.

"WHAT?!" Chris said, his jaw dropping before he could give Dakota the orange marshmallow. "Noah found an immunity idol! Whose name is on it?"

Noah turned it over. "Dakota."

"What? Ergh...well, at least I got to be on TV." Dakota shrugged, picked up the red marshmallow, and ate it. Her eyes bulged out as soon as she'd swallowed. "Bleaugh! This tastes like cough medicine!"

"Yeah, the red ones are supposed to," Chris replied simply. He pressed a button on a remote control he'd had in his shirt pocket and the Chris on the idol's shirt turned gray. He took the idol from Noah, who in exchange got the orange marshmallow, and the team dispersed.

As soon as they were gone, Chris screamed at the sky.

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"I'm pretty sure Chris doesn't like me, and the feeling is mutual," Noah said, before breathing a sigh of relief. "I'm still in. And I guess Emma's right; I need to be more of a team player."

He paused and got an idea. "A misfit alliance..."

* * *

"Seven down. Seventy-seven remain," Chris said as he stood in the gym. "Who will dodge elimination and who won't? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He turned around, but wasn't looking where he was going, and tripped over a stray ball, landing flat on his face.

"Oops," Chef said sheepishly. "I knew I forgot one."

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Alejandro – Noah** **(VOID)**

 **Ryan – Noah** **(VOID)**

 **Brady – Noah** **(VOID)**

 **Devin – Noah** **(VOID)**

 **Duncan – Noah** **(VOID)**

 **Heather – Dakota** **(VOID)**

 **Scott – Dakota** **(VOID)**

 **Scarlett – Lightning** **(VOID)**

 **Izzy – Dakota** **(VOID)**

 **Noah – Alejandro** **(VOID)**

 **Laurie – Alejandro** **(VOID)**

 **Miles – Alejandro** **(VOID)**

 **Lightning – Noah** **(VOID)**

 **Justin – Noah** **(VOID)**

 **Dakota – Noah** **(VOID)**

 **Ennui – Dakota** **(VOID)**

 **Cameron – Dakota** **(VOID)**

 **Leshawna – Dakota** **(VOID)**

 **Zoey – Dakota** **(VOID)**

 **Results: 8-7-3-1 Noah-Dakota-Alejandro-Lightning (VOID)**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii)**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson)**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (9)**

 **AN: There's now a new set of letters in the votes denoting elimination method. No letters is conventionally voted off, ii is by immunity idol, r is by rigged votes, nj is by injury, nv means there were no votes, and u means the elimination was undone.**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Chris, now with an ice pack over his face, glared at his interns. "I thought I told you to hide them in less obvious spots!"

"We tried! But there are only so many places on the island to hide them in!" a blonde-haired intern, Billy, gulped.

Chris sighed. Then his expression changed and he suddenly looked happy. "Okay, in two days, ready the planes. We've got to be ready for our first TDFT. Got it?"

His interns nodded. "But where are we going?" a massive African-Canadian man, Joseph, asked.

Chris grinned evilly. "You'll see."


	14. 1-8: Slap Slap Revolution

**Review time!**

 **Yeezynight14: Thanks! I liked redoing this episode. It made Noah more sympathetic to the audience, which is important because he's this story's protagonist. Don't worry, the contestants will continue to screw with Chris as the last remaining pieces of his sanity finally collapse.**

 **Codammy Forever: Thanks! Alejandro's really the only one actively pursuing Noah. Devin and Brady are passive and do whatever people tell them to, Duncan just doesn't like Noah, and Ryan sees Noah as nothing more than a potential mental threat. The reason Cody and Sammy haven't interacted yet is because I want to bring it into the fold a little later, plus Sierra is a major roadblock for obvious reasons. But don't worry, their love story's going to begin sometime soon.**

 **Anonymous: Because I feel it made Noah too unsympathetic, plus it was a cheap way to get him out. Originally Noah was supposed to have lasted longer and worked under Heather against Trent, but when he and Trent became friends he turned on Heather. The creators weren't able to figure out how to fit it into the series, so they eliminated him early so they wouldn't have to deal with it.**

* * *

 _Sunday, October 1, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we had a ball! [Brick crawling under the flying balls] We played five rounds of Drama Dodgeball. Depending on when the team got eliminated, they got different numbers of points. [Chris presenting Round 2's scoreboard] North dominated the game [Various clips of North], but South managed to stay in second thanks to Mike's alternate personalities you didn't know he had. [Mike becoming Svetlana] West did alright [Various clips of West], and East? Don't make me laugh. [East getting eliminated from each round quickly] Alejandro attempted to get out the first victim of our floating system, Noah [The alliance meeting], and succeeded...or did he? Thanks to the recently-introduced immunity idols [Chris explaining the gameplay of the idols], Noah was able to dodge elimination, and instead sent Dakota packing. [Dakota's elimination]"

Pan out to reveal Chris was on a plane. "Today we're doing something different. Yesterday, we reunited the original seven teams and put them on planes. Why? Simple. Each eighth challenge is a Total Drama Field Trip to a location that isn't disclosed... _yet_." Chris stood in the cockpit. "Seventy-seven contestants remain. Which team will cause a revolution and which will be ground to nothingness? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

The pilot shushed him. "Dude, I'm trying to fly a plane here!"

"Oh, right."

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Purple Pigs_

In second class, Brody, Geoff, and Bridgette sat together. "Dudes! We did great last time! We didn't lose!" Brody exclaimed.

"We could've done a little better, I think," Bridgette commented, "but dodgeball wasn't ever my thing anyway."

"Y'know," Geoff thought, "we're pretty good friends, the three of us. Maybe we should make an alliance."

"That's a great idea!" Bridgette exclaimed. "That way, when we're on the same team, we can help each other out!"

"Right on," Geoff said. "And we can also vote together to get people out."

"We have to vote?" Brody asked, confused.

"Only when our team's up for elimination," Bridgette replied. "And we'd only do it if we needed to. But we should figure out who to vote for now just in case. Any ideas?"

"I'm still mad at Jacques for leaving me in that hole," Brody frowned. "We could vote him off."

"Actually, I was thinking maybe Josee," Geoff said. "Not that I'm not, like, mad at Jacques, but like, he's more...what's the word?"

"Stable?" Bridgette offered.

"Yeah, that's it. Josee's like, a psycho monkey or something."

"Ohhh," Brody said. "Yeah, I could vote for her too. Wait. We need a name for our alliance!"

"How about Surfer Dudes United?"

"Dude, that's such a good idea!"

"Then Surfer Dudes United we shall be," Bridgette smiled.

* * *

 _Blue Beetles_

"Oooh, I like this! Tom, you are totes the king of color-coordination."

Tom fist-bumped Jen as he looked at his creation. The completed Phlegmatic mannequin from the second challenge now sported a red-and-black plaid t-shirt and dull green pants with silver stripes. It looked quite stylish.

"I finally did it! I made stripes and plaid work! Man, I wish I could blog about this."

"Well, maybe if one of us is eliminated we can take the mannequin home with us."

"True...IF we get eliminated." They laughed. "Speaking of which, who were you thinking of voting for?"

"Amy," Jen said quickly. "She's like, such a [b word] to Sammy. And I know, like, they're identical twins, but like, would it kill them to not dress the same?"

"Oh, that is so true!"

* * *

 _Cyan Sharks_

"We CANNOT afford to lose another person," Gwen said flatly. The Cyan Sharks had the fewest people remaining out of the original seven teams.

"I hear ya," Leshawna said, shaking her head. "But if we lose again, who do we vote for? All the people I didn't really like on this team are gone."

"I was thinking Ellody. I mean, she's pretty smart, so she's a mental threat, and she's probably part of an alliance with Mary and the other Geeks, and...well, her boyfriend got voted off recently, and she's still pretty sad."

Indeed, Ellody was melancholically looking out the window at the open ocean.

"I do feel kinda guilty for voting off Chet," Leshawna admitted, "so I'd vote her off too just so she could see him again."

* * *

 _Green Gators_

"That last challenge took a lot out of Mike," Cameron said to Sam. Mike was sleeping, and the two Geeks were watching over him.

"Yeah, but if he's coming to terms with his MPD, that's good. Right?" Sam asked.

"I guess." Cameron turned to Sam. "Our alliance did really good in the fourth challenge, so I think it's time it strikes again."

"Good call," Sam said. "If we want to get to the next level, we need to go co-op mode."

Cameron chuckled. "Your gaming metaphors never get old."

"Thanks. I was considering voting out Sugar. She's probably the most aggressive competitor here after Jo. Plus, she's a really big bully, so we wouldn't be the only ones on our team who'd want her gone."

"Sugar does make me uncomfortable, and you raise a good point about the likelihood of our teammates wanting her out too. If we lose, we'll vote for her."

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

Alejandro fumed. "An _idola de immunidad_! Of all possible things, THAT happens!"

"Hey, take it easy, Alejandro," Devin said patiently.

"It could've happened to anyone. If I'd found it, Noah'd be safe and I'd have immunity," Ryan pointed out.

Alejandro sighed. "You are right. Sorry, I'm just upset that my well-made plan went to waste."

"No worries. So what's your next plan?"

Alejandro looked around. "Hmmm...Anne Maria does not seem to be particularly helpful in challenges. I don't think we need to keep her around for much longer."

Said Anne Maria, oblivious to what was happening, pulled out her hairspray and sprayed her hair. She was right in front of the three, so they quickly inhaled the backdraft and began choking on the chemicals in the spray.

"Also," Devin coughed, "she does that. A lot!"

* * *

 _Orange Ocelots_

"This is great," Brady sighed. "A nice, relaxing ride to who-knows-where with my cutie pie." He and Beth were sitting together, looking out the window as they flew over the Atlantic Ocean.

Beth blushed. "Aww, you're too sweet."

Brady thought for a moment. Beth was a Misfit, sure, but the two were still a happy couple. Brady didn't want to vote her off, but he knew Alejandro didn't think too much of her. Then he got an idea. "Say Beth, who were you thinking about, y'know–"

"Voting off? But why?"

"Just curious."

"I was thinking about getting rid of Scott. He's devious. Less than before the head injury from that shark, but still."

Brady thought about it. "That's actually a good idea. I've seen Scott and Courtney talking to each other, but I know that they haven't spoken to each other much since their breakup. Something fishy is going on."

Beth nodded. "You think they've got an alliance?"

"Yeah. And the sooner that alliance is gone, the better our chances for winning. I mean, I don't like being selfish, but that's kinda the nature of this show."

* * *

 _Red Robins_

Sierra was squeaking incoherently as she watched Cody sleep. From afar, Emma watched in disgust. "Does she not know the meaning of personal space?"

"Love makes us do strange things sometimes," Ella said calmly.

"I don't think it's love. Cody doesn't return her feelings," Emma pointed out. "True love is a mutual thing. Trust me. I had a boyfriend." She sighed.

"Had?"

"It's not important."

"Uh, guys?" Owen called from the back. "I'm a little worried about Noah."

The other Misfits gathered around him, outside the plane's bathroom. Noah had locked himself in there to think.

"He's been in there for a long time," Owen said, worried. "Is he alright?"

"Maybe he's just doing a thing," Izzy said.

"What kind of thing?" Kitty asked. Her black eye had shrunk a little, but not completely.

Izzy smiled deviously. "That kind of thing."

Kitty was still confused, but Emma knew what Izzy was implying and quickly changed the subject. "Well, he'd better be thinking up some brilliant plan or something."

"For your information, I am," Noah said from inside. A few clicks, and Noah was finally outside. "Emma told me that I should, in so many words, work with others better. And after that scare last Thursday, I got an idea.

"We need to make an alliance. Not just of us seven, but of all the Misfits who are competing. This entire show is just a glorified popularity contest. We need to prove that we can be just as good for the team as some shallow rich kids.

"None of us have been eliminated yet, but that might change. We need to act soon and take out the real threats first, with one particular Spanish snake especially." Owen and Izzy exchanged a confused look. "If we do, then we'll show everyone who we really are beyond some label the establishment put on us."

"A magnificent speech if I ever heard one," Ella complimented.

"Ooh, ooh, can we call it Team E-Scope?" Izzy asked. Team E-Scope was the name she'd used for the trio of herself, Eva, and Noah when they first met in first grade.

Noah shrugged. "I guess." Lowering his voice, he continued. "Now, I figured out who we could vote for in the event that we lose today's challenge." Ella raised her hand. "Not counting you, I know you don't vote." Ella put her hand down. "We need to get rid of Sierra. Kitty, you and Junior have interacted, you're in the same homeroom after all. What do you think of him?"

"He's a pretty nice guy," Kitty said. "Other than his slight ambitiousness, he's not too much of a threat."

"Exactly my reasoning. Now, about Topher. He's a Chris fanboy, but so is Sierra, so why not vote for him? Because he's not as loony, thus easier to convince. Plus, Sierra has the strength of ten men, so she's much more of a physical threat. Now for Cody. Why not him? Because we need his vote. I don't think I need to explain why he'd want Sierra gone ASAP."

B wrote something on a piece of paper and showed it to the others. _I think Cody might be in an alliance. If we do lose and Sierra is eliminated, we could get on his good side and eventually make a deal with his alliance._

"Thanks B, that's good to know. Alright, everyone good? Now, let's not lose today."

"E-Scope forever!" Izzy declared, jumping onto Owen's shoulders, then pulling out a wooden sword from her cleavage and brandishing it.

Suddenly, the plane lurched, sending Izzy to the ground on her face. "The carpet itches!"

"Everyone off the plane," the pilot announced. "We have reached our destination. Please take your receipt." A small strip of paper emerged from the ceiling and landed on Noah's head.

Noah sighed. "You leave no gag unturned, do you, author?"

" **Nope!** " someone _very important_ said cheerfully from offscreen.

* * *

 **Red Robins: Owen, B, Noah, Cody, Ella, Izzy, Emma, Kitty, Junior, Sierra, and Topher.**

 **Orange Ocelots: Beth, Brady, Justin, Katie, Sadie, Lorenzo, Mary, Brick, Ennui, Crimson, Scott, and Phil.**

 **Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Ryan, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Anne Maria, and Lauren.**

 **Green Gators: Cameron, Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Max, Rodney, Zeke, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.**

 **Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Gwen, Leshawna, Jasmine O., Trent, Harold, Ellody, and Dawn.**

 **Blue Beetles: Shawn, Lightning, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine T., Sky, Mickey, Jay, Tom, Jen, and Dave.**

 **Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Courtney, Duncan, Tyler, Rock, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

"Welcome one and all to the German Alps!" Chris said cheerfully. Luckily, everyone had packed their winter outfits just in case they were going somewhere cold, as they stood at the base of a massive, snow-covered mountain. "For our first challenge, we're going to go to the top of this mountain and grind us some tasty German sausages! But first, two people from each team must sit out from this challenge. We need them good and ready for part two."

Topher, Junior, Katie, Phil, Miles, Laurie, DJ, Sanders, Dawn, Harold, Sky, Dave, Tyler, and Bridgette joined Chris where he was standing.

* * *

 **Confessional – Dave.**

"There is NO WAY you could get me to touch raw meat," Dave said, shaking his head. The confessionals were inside a plane's bathroom. "Not one. I am not risking an _E. coli_ infection for a million dollars."

* * *

"Once we're at the top, I'll explain the challenge further. Start climbing, campers!" Chris got onto a snowmobile and raced up the mountain.

"I wish WE had a snowmobile," Tyler pouted.

"Shut up and start walking," Duncan retorted. "The sooner we get up there, the better."

* * *

Once all the teams were up, Chris presented them with seven hand-driven meat grinders, each with a colored tag denoting whose team it was.

"For part one, each team will be given a giant sausage casing and a pile of pre-cooked meat and spices," Chris said, showing seven dolphin-sized casings and massive mounds of meat, one for each team. "Your challenge is to pack the meat into the grinders, feed it into the case, and turn it into a sausage. You must use as much of your meat pile as you can. Once you're done filling the case, you must ride the mega-sausage down the mountain, and Chef will evaluate how well you ground it. You will receive points based on mass and grinding quality. The team with the most points at the end wins an advantage for the second part. Oh, and if your casing breaks, you can't get a new one."

Chris got back on his snowmobile and left. "Good luck! You're gonna need it!" He cackled as he sped down the mountain.

* * *

Once everyone had figured out who on each team was doing what, they began grinding the sausage meat and stuffing it into the cases.

"Hey Owen! Try not to eat your team to elimination!" Heather taunted.

Owen looked nervous.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"A lot of people make fun of me because I eat a lot," Owen explained, "and that I'm not picky. But I do have standards, and I'm not going to eat meat that's been sitting on the ground for a long time."

* * *

"Ugh, can you please focus?" Taylor snapped. "We haven't got all day to make this stupid thing."

"Taylor has a point," Alejandro said as he turned the crank of the grinder. "We must keep close attention to our work if we are to win." Ironically, he hadn't been paying attention himself, and had forgotten to get someone to shovel more meat into the grinder. When he heard the gears scraping against each other, he looked down and saw that his team's sausage was no bigger than a normal-sized hot dog.

From the BB's spot, Jo laughed. "Ha ha! Al has a tiny sausage!"

"AT LEAST I HAVE ONE!"

Jo turned around and saw that some wolves had arrived, chewed open the casing and were eating her team's sausage. "Aw, come on! Get outta here, you mangy mutts! Scram!"

The wolves turned and growled at her. Jo growled back. That was the wolves' cue to chase after her.

* * *

At the bottom of the mountain, Chef plopped a massive scale on the ground, then sat at a table, waiting.

"Off to a good start," Chris said. "Which team will finish their sausage first? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the viewers. "Our original seven teams are making massive sausage sleds, but it looks like the native wildlife has other ideas."

* * *

The Benny Hill theme played as the wolves chased around most of the contestants. Highlights included Scott continuously tripping over his team's sausage, spilling more and more of the meat out into the open, Sierra hoisting Cody into the air to get him away from the snapping jaws, and Izzy attempting to ride one.

Eventually, the wolves came across Crimson and Ennui, who simply stood there. The wolves got creeped out and ran away.

"Seriously?" Courtney groaned. "It was that easy?"

"Apparently," Geoff murmured.

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"I know I'M goth, but Crimson and Ennui take it to a whole new level," Gwen said. "Seriously, they won't even show _emotion_! But they did save our lives, so I'll give them that."

* * *

"This is just great!" Amy snapped. "Now our casing's busted, and we'll never win!"

"Chill girl," Tom said, taking out a needle and thread. "I can fix this easy." He effortlessly sewed the hole in the casing.

"Great work," Jen said. "Now, we've lost some of our meat, but we can still refill our sausage. None of the teams have finished yet, so we still have time."

"You heard her. Get working, team!" Shawn, deciding now was a good time to resume being captain, declared.

As the BB worked, Jasmine T. approached Jen. "You and Tom seem awfully close," Jasmine said. "Is there anything going on between you two?"

"No, but we are pretty close," Jen laughed. "Not many people know this, but we're actually half-siblings."

"Really?" Jasmine T. was intrigued.

"Yep! Our dad was quite the player in college. Our moms wished they'd known that, but at least I got a brother out of the deal."

Thanks to the revitalization, the BB finished their sausage first. "Okay, now we just need to ride this down the mountain and avoid the mountain zombies," Shawn said.

"Um, I don't think it's big enough to hold all of us," Sammy said nervously.

"No one asked you," Amy grunted, "but she's right for once. That thing would break under our weight. And I don't think Chris said we couldn't send just one of us down."

"Right," Shawn said. "'You' can be both singular AND plural. Hey, Mickey, Jay, how much do you guys weigh?"

* * *

The Adversity Twins, being the lightest on the team, were the ones who rode the sausage down to where the hosts sat. "Not bad. The Blue Beetles came down first. Weigh your sausage!" They did. Chris noticed the stitch on the casing. "Bit of trouble?"

"Wolves count as more than a bit of trouble," Jasmine T. remarked as the rest of the team caught up.

Once he'd written down the sausage's weight, Chef cut off a piece and ate it. Chewing it slowly, he swallowed and said, "Good size, could be bigger, and the consistency is adequate. Seventeen points."

"How are you scoring these, exactly?" Bridgette said from where the people sitting out were milling around.

"What it feels like, maggot. And this sausage feels like a seventeen."

"O...kay..."

* * *

The Purple Pigs came next. Chef sampled the meat and said, "Nice size, but a bit watery. Sixteen."

"Watery?" Courtney asked.

"I think maybe a few snowballs from when I was trying to knock out those wolves got into the grinder," Duncan said nonchalantly.

"Seriously, Duncan?!"

He shrugged. "Hey, we at least only got a point less than the previous guys."

"You really have to take things more seriously, Duncan. Not doing that will hurt you in the long run."

Duncan rolled his eyes.

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"NOW do you see why I want to dump her? She's gotten so annoying lately, about how I need to be a better person or some crap." Duncan glared at the camera. "I'm not my parents, alright?"

* * *

The Red Robins were next. "A bit lumpy. Twelve."

Next, the Green Gators. "This is huge, and the texture is exactly what it should be for a sausage. Twenty-three." Sam and Cameron high-fived, while Eva smiled proudly.

Next, the Yellow Yaks. "Texture is good, size is not. Thirteen."

Next, the Cyan Sharks. "Size is good, meat not really ground up enough. Ten."

And finally, the Orange Ocelots. "Too small, and the texture is coarse and grainy. Five."

The OO stared at Scott, who'd been in charge of grinding the meat. "What? I'm a dirt farmer, not a butcher."

* * *

"Okay, and with that, the Green Gators win the first part of the challenge!" Chris announced. "Their advantage? Helmets and boxing gloves!"

DJ and Sanders were tossed the aforementioned equipment. "Uh, Chris? We're not going to fight anyone, are we?" DJ asked.

"I'm with him, my head still hurts from the last challenge," Sanders added.

"You're going to fight, but not in the normal way. No, everyone who did not grind the sausage will be doing...The Bavarian Slap Dance!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Ellody.**

"That is not a real dance of Bavaria."

* * *

"Here's how this challenge works. All fourteen of you will be getting onto this platform." Chris showed them a massive platform. "Once the music starts, you will do the dance moves and attempt to knock your competitors off the platform. Last person standing wins it for their team. But if you don't dance, you will be shocked by the platform."

"How will the platform know we aren't dancing?" Zoey asked.

"The lederhosen you're going to wear will transmit signals to the platform," Chris said, showing them said lederhosen. "If it's not bending in the specific moves to the dance, it'll tell the platform to zap you and only you. Got it?

* * *

 **Confessional – Miles.**

"This is incredibly mean-spirited," Miles said. "On the other hand, I don't like Dawn very much, so I think I can manage it for a little while."

* * *

After studying the moves, the contestants doing the dance switched into the lederhosen. It fit the stereotypical image. They even had to wear special socks and gloves so the platform would know if their extremities were moving in the exact right way.

Once they were all in position, Chris started the music. "Begin!"

* * *

As they danced, Miles gave a nod to Laurie, and they began closing in on Dawn. Luckily, Tyler had noticed, and deciding to stick up for his fellow Misfit, used his natural clumsiness to bump into the Vegans. The girls fell down, and then got zapped.

"Thank you," Dawn quietly said to Tyler as they continued slap-dancing. "Although if you want to win over Lindsay, I suggest you use gentler tactics." Then she used Tyler's clumsiness to her own advantage, and turned around to begin slapping him off the edge. Tyler tumbled off the platform and faceplanted into the snow.

"Tyler's out! If Bridgette doesn't pick up the pace, her team could be up for elimination! No pressure."

* * *

 **Confessional – Dawn.**

"My team has lost many members," Dawn said. "I wanted to prevent us from losing another. My apologies to Tyler."

* * *

 **Confessional – Tyler.**

"I don't blame Dawn for throwing me off," Tyler said. "The good news is, I stopped dancing before I could hurt myself any further."

* * *

Katie focused on Junior, figuring he'd be easy to pick off due to his smaller size. But Junior knew he'd be an easy target, so he hid behind DJ. Katie figured she'd just slap her way through DJ, but unfortunately she poked a nerve that involuntarily caused DJ to punch her in the gut, sending her flying into Phil and knocking both off the platform.

"Sorry!" DJ called, stopping just long enough to get zapped. "OW!"

"And the Orange Ocelots are out of the running! So sad, especially given that Phil could've won it for them."

"Chris, normally I don't like being mean," Phil began, "but keep taunting us and I will slap-dance _you_."

Chris gulped.

* * *

Topher, being as genre-savvy as a Chris fan could be, had figured out that if he stayed in the middle, the shocks wouldn't be as bad. He used this to slap-dance Harold from behind.

"Gosh! Dude, not cool!" Harold stopped long enough and got zapped. "YEOWIE!" He was in so much pain that he ran off and collided with DJ, sending both off the platform.

"Harold and DJ are out! Not it's up to Sanders and Dawn to keep their teams in the game."

Junior snuck up on Sanders and began slap-dancing her off the edge. He succeeded.

"Never mind. Green Gators are out!"

* * *

Laurie had figured out Topher's plan, and got up next to him. He noticed and glared at her. She glared back. They erupted into a slap-fight that Bridgette used to shove them off. But doing so resulted in her not dancing.

"Topher and Laurie are out!" _ZAP!_ "And Bridgette can no longer feel her legs!" Bridgette fell off the platform. "Annnnd now the Purple Pigs are out of the game!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.**

Bridgette sighed. "This was one of my least favorite challenges yet." She winced as she rubbed her tender thighs.

* * *

Junior was about to sneak up on Dawn, but she'd heard him coming and just sidestepped him while dancing, letting him slide off the platform.

"Red Robins are out!"

Meanwhile, Dave had been having trouble figuring out the moves, and as a result was zapped more than everyone else.

"You okay?" Sky asked.

"Not really. I don't know this dance."

"Here. Just follow my lead." Sky began doing the slap-dance at the air, and Dave copied her motions, eventually getting the hang of it.

"Wow, you're really good! Thanks a bunch!"

"No problem."

Just then, Miles snuck up on them and slap-danced them off the platform. She grinned triumphantly, but in doing so stopped dancing. She was zapped and fell off the platform.

Only Dawn was left, gracefully prancing around.

"And the Cyan Sharks win it big and are safe from elimination!"

* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.**

"Wow, Dawn's a really good dancer!" DJ said. "Hey, maybe I could show her my ribbon-dancing! Yeah, I think she'd like that."

* * *

 **Confessional – Dawn.**

"I'm quite pleased with myself. I saved our team," Dawn said. "And I think I made an impression on a certain someone," she added, blushing.

* * *

"Now for your rewards. The Cyan Sharks get to ride in first-class on the way back. I didn't mention this earlier, but on each TDFT, all teams start in second class. The team that wins gets to move to first. The team that loses gets sent to third class. Speaking of which, Orange Ocelots, you did terribly today. Meet me in third class at eight, Orange Ocelots, someone's going home once we get back to the island!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Brick.**

"Ennui is a fine cadet," Brick said, writing ENNUI on a piece of paper, "but I fear his mastery of the darkness will keep other people from winning. No hard feelings?" he asked the camera meekly.

* * *

 **Confessional – Crimson.**

"Phil," Crimson said monotonously, writing PHIL on a piece of paper, "is very popular and could make a very powerful alliance. I want him out before he can have that chance."

* * *

 **Confessional – Justin.**

"If it hadn't been for Scott not making our sausage right, we wouldn't be eliminating someone. But as long as we are..." Justin said, writing SCOTT on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Brady.**

"Beth wants Scott out, I want Scott out, he's going out," Brady said, writing SCOTT on a piece of paper. "Alejandro would be so proud of me if Scott goes!"

* * *

"Here's how elimination is carried out," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." The Orange Ocelots saw a plate of twelve marshmallows, four of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got for _mehr drama_. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Beth, Brady, Justin, Katie, Sadie, Lorenzo, Mary, and Brick."

Once they all had their marshmallows, Chris pointed to the blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Crimson, here you go." Crimson's face did not change.

Then Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Scott, you have two votes against you." Scott sighed in relief, while everyone else was shocked.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Ennui. Phil."

The two boys looked at him, Phil confused, Ennui nonchalant.

"Ennui, you creep people out. Phil, your popularity gives you untapped potential for a massive alliance. And the person staying, with three votes against him...

...

...

...

...

"Well, no surprise, it's Ennui."

"What?!" Phil gasped. "This isn't possible!"

"Sorry buddy, but the votes don't lie. Come to the cockpit, Phil, you're going home."

"Oh, okay..."

* * *

"I thought you voted for Scott," Brady said to Beth in third class.

"I did," she said. "So did Justin, Katie, Sadie, and Phil."

"So how did Scott only get two votes when we know he got six?"

They gasped when they realized what had happened. Off to the side, Scott smirked at the memory.

* * *

 _It was 6:30. The votes had yet to be collected and were still inside the bathroom. While everyone else was eating a dinner of airline peanuts, Scott snuck into the bathroom. He pried open the vote box and removed four votes for him, then replaced them with four votes for Phil that he had made. To top it all off, after closing the vote box back, he flushed the real votes down the toilet._

* * *

 **Confessional – Scott.**

"So you think that I can't be devious anymore?" Scott growled. "We'll see about that."

* * *

"Wow, our first vote rigging of the series!" Chris said as he stood in second class. "Didn't know Scott had it in him, but hey, life is full of surprises. Eight down. Seventy-six remain. Who will slide to the finish and who will be zapped out? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

The airplane encountered turbulence and sent Chris to the ground. "Izzy was right, this carpet IS itchy!"

"Hence why you shouldn't be so cheap," Lorenzo called from third class.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Beth – Scott (VOID)**

 **Brady – Scott (VOID)**

 **Justin – Scott (VOID)**

 **Katie – Scott (VOID)**

 **Sadie – Scott** **(VOID)**

 **Lorenzo – Crimson (VOID)**

 **Mary – Ennui (VOID)**

 **Brick – Ennui (VOID)**

 **Ennui – Phil** **(VOID)**

 **Crimson – Phil (VOID)**

 **Scott – Ennui (VOID)**

 **Phil – Scott (VOID)**

 **Results: 6-3-2-1 Scott-Ennui-Phil-Crimson (VOID)**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r)**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson)**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (8)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

The sausages hadn't gone to waste, and were donated to an orphanage. The orphans were about to dig in when they heard a knocking at the door.

"Yes?" the headmaster asked, opening it.

The wolves from earlier strolled right on in and sat at the table. They bared their teeth at the orphans, who quickly gave them the sausage they'd craved.

Satisfied, the wolves began to eat.


	15. 1-9: I Love You, Greased Pig!

**Review time!**

 **Yeezynight14: Thanks! THD's incarnation of Scott is a mix of TDRI and TDAS Scott. A few moments of ineptitude here and there, but still quite calculating when he needs to be. The bonus clips are always fun to do.**

 **Mattafat: Thanks! Junior Kits, Skave, and Dawn-J will continue to grow, even if it's in the Aftermaths and not in the regular series.**

 **Anonymous: Please stop spamming me. I have no idea what Wicked is.**

* * *

 _Tuesday, October 4, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – the world began to feel the force of nature that is this show! [Chris welcoming the contestants to Germany] In our very first Total Drama Field Trip, we went to the German Alps to make some sausage sleds! [Alejandro seeing his team's tiny sausage] Although we did have a few slight mishaps. [Everyone running away from the wolves] Ultimately, the Green Gators got Chef's approval and won an advantage for the second part – boxing gloves and helmets! [Sanders and DJ getting their equipment] The second part involved the Bavarian Slap Dance, which I totally didn't make up, and a little something called electricity. [People getting zapped] Dawn's determination to keep her team alive won the Cyan Sharks the challenge [Dawn's victory] and the Orange Ocelots went to eliminate someone, specifically, Scott. [Beth and Brady agreeing to vote off Scott] But Scott pulled his brains together and rigged the votes [Scott rigging the votes] to send away dancemeister Phil instead. [Phil's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Seventy-six contestants remain. Which team will bring home the bacon and which will slip up? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Field Alliance_

"Wow, Scott, I didn't know you had it in you," Heather said. Her alliance, which Scott had decided to name "Field", was meeting. "I mean, you told me three days ago, but I STILL don't believe it."

"Yeah, well, I had something to prove," Scott replied.

"I hope it wasn't that we shouldn't have broken up," Courtney muttered.

"What? No! It was to prove I was still a serious threat. Courtney, I know we wanted different things. You wanted someone who had passion, I wanted someone who could understand me."

"I already knew that."

"Heather didn't," Scott defended. "I think."

"Well, you scared your enemies, which is good, but it might make you a bigger target," Heather said finally. "Be careful. The last thing I want is for any of us to get booted before the merge."

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"Not like I don't want the million myself," Heather explained, "but without a strong alliance backing me up, I'm toast."

* * *

 _Red Robins_

"Hey Emma, look what I found on the plane," Noah said. Emma saw him pull out an immunity idol.

"Whose is it?"

"Owen's. I'm going to hide this somewhere so no one can bump him off."

"Does he know?"

"No," Noah said. "Owen's terrible with keeping secrets. If he revealed he knew where his idol was, someone else would find it and use it to force him to do their dirty work."

Emma nodded. "You really like him, don't you?"

"He's my best friend. Or at the very least the closest thing I have to one." Noah found a small fir tree and dug a little hole under it, hid the idol there, and then covered it up. "There. Promise you won't tell?"

"My lips are sealed." Noah's attention was then brought to said lips, before he was quickly shaken out of his thoughts.

"Campers! Meet me at the Forked Maple, we're going to do a challenge!" Chris' voice came from the PA system.

* * *

The Forked Maple was an old tree with two trunks, hence the name. Since it was too old to keep producing many leaves anymore, a red Canadian maple leaf was spray-painted on the trunk so the campers would know where it was.

"Everyone here? Good," Chris said. "Now, what we're going to do today is a very special obstacle course."

"Another obstacle course?" Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Didn't we just do one two weeks ago?"

"I think he's running out of ideas," Duncan snarked.

Gwen chuckled. "Nice one."

Chris groaned. "Look, we've only got a limited amount of time to do outdoor challenges before winter comes, alright? Now, the course goes like this." As he spoke, he pointed to the various destinations. "First, you must cross these greasy logs, then go on this greasy zipline, through the greasy pipes, across a pit of grease with a few rows of tires in the middle, and finally up and over the greased wall to the finish line."

"Wow, that's...a lot of grease," Bridgette said.

"Yeah, we had a lot left over from Chef's cooking, so I figured, why not put it to good use?"

Speaking of Chef, he came onscreen pulling two cross-looking pigs on leashes. "C'mon, maggots! Move your hooves!"

"Oh yeah, this is a baton-type thing, only instead of batons, we're going to use grease pigs," Chris said.

Sugar squealed. "Now that'sa kinda challenge I like!"

"And the exact kind that I don't," Dave said, grimacing at the dirty pigs.

"Now for teams. Amy, Jasmine T., Max, Scarlett, Rodney, Samey, Topher, Sierra, Geoff, Duncan, Trent, Gwen, Anne Maria, Kitty, Izzy, Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler, Jo, Lightning, DJ, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Rock, Harold, Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam. You will be Pimapotew Kinosewak, the Soaring Eagles!"

"Uh, Chris? That's Cree for 'Floating Salmon'," Sky said.

Some of the contestants snickered. Chris rolled his eyes and said, "Everyone else, you're going to be Waneyihtam Maskwak, the Ferocious Tigers!"

"That means 'Confused Bears'. Cree doesn't even HAVE a word for tiger," Sky corrected once more. This made everyone laugh.

* * *

 **Confessional – Chris.**

"Blame Chef, he used a cheap online translator," Chris grumbled.

"I thought YOU were the one who came up with the team names," Chef said from outside.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sky.**

"As for how _I_ knew what it meant? I'm of Cree descent. I'm a native speaker of the language."

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine T., Max, Scarlett, Rodney, Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff, Duncan, Trent, Gwen, Anne Maria, Kitty, Izzy, Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler, Jo, Lightning, DJ, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Rock, Harold, Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen, B, Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Mary, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Mike, Eva, Zeke, Sugar, Sanders, MacArthur, Zoey, Jasmine O., Ellody, Shawn, Sky, Mickey, Tom, Jen, Dave, Bridgette, Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

"Okay, the way this works, you will break into little sub-teams for each piece of the course. There will be five groups of seven, one for each obstacle. The remaining three will wait at the finish line, and once they have their pig must stamp it with the Chris Stamp of Approval." Chris handed Jasmine T. and Shawn each a stamp and inkpad. Her ink was red, and his was brown. "Jasmine T. and Shawn will be your captains. They'll organize the sub-teams and will stamp the pig once it reaches the finish line. Okay, can we give one of the Jasmines a nickname? I'm tired of having to say the last names all the time."

"I went by 'Jazz' in kindergarten," Jasmine O. offered.

"Then from this point, you are Jazz, and just Jasmine is the tall Australian chick. Everybody got that?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Leshawna and Jazz.**

"I can live with it," Leshawna said. "S'gonna be easier telling you guys apart now. And Jazz is a good name, I don't know why you haven't been using it."

"I dunno," the newly-rechristened Jazz replied, "but I think it'll be the one good thing to come from this show assuming I don't win. Which I will."

"Oh, you're on, sistah!" Leshawna laughed, playfully swatting her best friend on the shoulder.

* * *

"Now, it's time to make your sub-teams!"

* * *

 _Floating Salmon_

Jasmine looked at her teammates. "Okay, everyone, listen up. The two people who will be joinin' me at the end are Dawn and Lightning. Dawn might be able to calm the pig while I stamp it. If it tries to escape, Lightning can pin it down."

"Sha-yeah! Lightning's cool with that," Lightning said.

"Rodney, DJ, Geoff, Sierra, Jo, Alejandro, Ryan, you're doing the logs. You're the strongest of us remaining, and that part's going to be the most physical."

"Piece of cake," Jo said, cracking her knuckles.

"Why can't Cody help me with the logs?" Sierra asked. Cody lifted his arms to reveal his lack of musculature. "Ohhh. Don't worry, sweetie, I'll do good without you!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"I'm not so sure about that. Last year, I went to Japan for winter break, and when I came back, Sierra had apparently come to the conclusion that Cameron was me and was stalking him." He sighed. "I don't love her, but what am I supposed to do? She's still nice sometimes, and I don't want her hating me..."

* * *

"But," Jasmine said, "Cody can do the zipline bit. As can Topher, Katie, Gwen, Junior, Kitty, and Trent. We need people who are lightweight so the line doesn't break."

"I've always wanted to go ziplining," Junior said offhandedly.

"No way! Me too!" Kitty exclaimed. "I guess we're going together, little guy."

"Amy, Lindsay, Harold, Cameron, Jay, Scarlett, Tyler, you're doing the tubes. You're all slim enough to have enough room in the pipes to move easily."

"Can't Samey do it?" Amy asked.

"She has a point, they've got the same body type," Scarlett remarked. "Why not have her instead of someone else?"

"Because I want those two as far apart as possible, alright? Now, Beth, Sam, Brick, Sadie, Duncan, Max, and Izzy. Your centers of mass are on average pretty close to the ground. Making you ideal for the grease pit and tires, because you won't fall down as much."

"But I LIKE falling down," Izzy pouted.

"You can fall down as much as you like once the pig is across." Izzy smiled at this. "The rest of you, you're doing the wall. Any objections?"

"I don't have a problem with it," Duncan shrugged.

"Then it's settled. Go to your positions, everyone!"

* * *

 _Confused Bears_

True to its name, the Confused Bears were having problems. Shawn was trying his very best to organize everyone, but no one was listening to his pleas to quiet down. Noah eventually had enough and gave Owen a look. Owen nodded and proceeded to let out an enormous fart that got everyone's attention.

"Zombie Nut has something to say," Noah said pointedly.

"Oh...thanks, Noah," Shawn said, uncertain. "Okay, so I was thinking maybe we should have Brady, Devin, Jacques, Brody, MacArthur, Eva, and Zeke on the logs."

"Zeke?!" Sugar laughed. "What's he gonna do?"

"I've clambered on all sorts of loogs back hoome, eh," Zeke retorted. "And soome o' them were mighty slipp'ry. I can handle that bit."

Shawn continued. "Noah, Stephanie, Emma, Bridgette, Courtney, Carrie, Mickey, you're doing the zipline. Tom, Jen, Heather, Sanders, Ellody, Mary, Lorenzo, you're doing the tubes. Sugar, Ella, Laurie, Miles, Scott, Zoey, Jazz, you're doing the pit. B, Owen, you're with me. Everyone else is doing the wall. Is that okay?"

"Our opinions are meaningless, in the long run," Ennui said monotonously. "They'll all disappear in the void that is time."

"Okay...way to kill the mood, dude," Noah said crossly.

As everyone began to disperse, Noah gave B and Owen a nod. Owen was confused, but B understood. Turning to Shawn, B produced a piece of paper and a pencil and wrote quickly. "What is it, B?" Shawn asked.

B revealed what he'd written. _Noah's trying to get all the Misfits together for a mega-alliance. You want in?_

"On the one hand, a team is more likely to get destroyed in the zombie apocalypse, but on the other hand, it could help speed up its end...I'll take it."

"Woo! New–" B held a finger to his mouth to shush Owen. "Oh yeah. Woo," Owen said, whispering the last part.

* * *

Pretty soon, the sub-teams were all set. Chef dragged the pigs back onscreen. Jo was handed the pig with the red leash, and Eva got the one with the brown leash.

Chris came onscreen holding an orange balloon and a matching pushpin. "When this thing pops, the race starts," Chris explained.

"Whose child's dreams did you kill to get that balloon?" Noah asked.

"Producers wouldn't let me have a gun on the show. Said it was too 'dangerous' or some crap."

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"And yet they allowed the knife-crazy cook, the nuclear waste, Duncan..."

* * *

Chris sighed. "I feel like such a dork. No, wait. I feel like such a Doris." Harold's jaw dropped while Duncan cackled with glee. Courtney shot Duncan a disapproving glare, but he didn't notice. Chris brought the pin to the balloon and popped it, beginning the race. And startling the pigs, which was exactly Chris' intention. "Begin!"

* * *

As the kids struggled to climb over the greased logs, while also commandeering a very unwilling boar, Jo noticed Zeke on the other set of logs.

* * *

 **Confessional – Jo.**

"I gotta hand it to that guy, I thought he'd be out last challenge. But he's still going down."

* * *

"Pfft," Jo said. "Look at 'em. They're weak. We're the real competitors here."

"Brains as well as brawn are important here, Jo," Alejandro pointed out.

"Oh yeah? How?"

"If you were smarter, you'd be looking where your hands are going."

It was at that very moment that Jo's left hand came down on a particularly greasy patch, causing her arm to give way under her and send Jo crashing to the ground. "Ow..."

Rodney briefly became mesmerized by Jo's...assets...but when he saw her get up and show her scowling face, he was quickly frightened out of any potential feelings for her.

* * *

 _Confused Bears, Zipline_

Emma was talking with Carrie at the artificial cliff where one end of the zipline was. "So, Carrie I was thinking about something. Would you like to join an alliance with me?"

"Uh, sure," Carrie said. "Who else is in it?"

"All the other Misfits are going to be. We're going to prove once and for all that we're better than popular people."

"You seem pretty...convinced."

"I used to be popular, back at my old school. But I discovered that that world was just lies upon lies, so I turned away and never looked back."

Noah heard this from where he was standing, and looked a little confused. Emma...had been one of _them_?!

"I will have to warn you, though," Emma continued, "Devin's in another alliance."

Carrie gasped and turned to see Devin struggling with the pig. "So we'll have to vote him out?!"

"Not necessarily. Alejandro's the real mastermind of that alliance, so we'd best go for him first. Devin's only following him because he wants independence from the...'Ice Dancers', I want to say?"

"Oh," Carrie said. "That makes sense. They roped him into their group when we were freshmen. I got pushed aside into the Misfits. I guess Devin wants to make his own choices more often, then."

"Well, from what I've heard, Alejandro isn't exactly the right person to teach it."

Devin jogged up, his team's pig's leash in his hand. "Here you go, homie. Best of luck," he said.

Carrie blushed. "Yeah...thanks..."

"Uh, which one of us is taking the pig onto that thing?" Noah, finally deciding to speak up, asked.

* * *

Cut to a pile of the zipliners from the Confused Bears lying on the ground, dazed. Their pig sat on top of the pile and snorted indignantly. The Floating Salmon were much more organized and quickly handed off their pig to Tyler, who was promptly dragged off.

"Well, so far this game is a real _boar_ ," Chris laughed. "Will the next three legs be more exciting? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the viewers. "Our two teams are entering the third leg of our greasy pentathlon, but which will make it through the tubes first?"

* * *

 _Floating Salmon, Grease Tubes_

"You guys ready?" Harold asked outside his team's designated tube.

"I think," Tyler, covered in scratches from the pig, replied. "Which one of us is gonna take the pig? After trying to get it over here, I don't want to take it through that tube."

"I can do it, Tyson! How hard can it be?" Lindsay asked cheerfully. The pig got a devious smile and decided he'd make it very, very hard.

"I'll lead the way," Scarlett volunteered. She put on an unusual-looking mesh suit and turned it on, revealing it was studded with small lights.

"Wow, that's awesome!" Harold complimented.

Scarlett shrugged. "It's a pretty basic build, but thank you anyway."

* * *

 _Confused Bears, Grease Tubes_

At the same time, the Confused Bears were arguing. "There is no way I'm going in! That grease will mess up my hair!" Heather growled.

"We don't have a choice," Jen retorted. "I don't want to go in there either, but we have to do it for the team! And if you don't get in there, the Salmon are going to get through their tube first."

A scream came from the Salmon's tube. The Bears looked over.

* * *

Inside the tube, the pig was kicking against Lindsay. "Eek! Calm down, piggy!"

"Uh, Tyler? Dude, can you move?" Harold asked from behind the Clumsy Jock.

"I'm stuck!" Tyler realized. Not being as skinny as the rest of his team, his broad shoulders had gotten him stuck in a section of the tube.

"I TOLD you we should've used Samey!" Amy, who was at the very back, groaned.

* * *

Jen blinked. "Okay then...but still, we need you in the tube."

"Fine," Heather groaned, "but I'm going in first. I am NOT standing downwind of that smelly animal." The pig's eyes widened and pointed a hoof to itself as if to say "Me?"

Ellody was still moping. In fact, she looked sadder than in the previous challenge. Mary patted her shoulder and guided her friend into the tube.

* * *

 **Confessional – Ellody.**

Ellody sniffled. "I-I miss him...and I thought I was above these...urges..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Carrie.**

"Poor thing," Carrie said sadly. "Maybe we should vote for Ellody just so she can see Chet again. Yeah, I'll bring it up with Noah after the challenge."

* * *

Back in the tube, Amy had enough, and impatiently shoved Harold into Tyler. Since the inside of the tube was incredibly slippery from all the grease, a very-well lubricated Tyler shot through, pushing the rest of his sub-team out.

"Gosh," Harold said as he got out of the tube, noticing the scene before him.

Amy shoved him out and he landed on his face. "Get moving! Where's the pig?"

"I got him," Lindsay said weakly. The pig was trapped between her breasts and was suffocating. Brick came over and took the pig from her, then started his sub-team's leg.

* * *

 **Confessional – Brick.**

"I felt a little bad for the pig," Brick said, "but being half-conscious sure made our mission a lot easier."

* * *

 _Floating Salmon, Grease Pit_

"Rats," Max said on noticing the dazed pig being dragged along. "I needed the pig conscious for my mind-control helmet. Oh well."

"Mind-control helmet?" Sadie asked.

Max produced said device from behind his back. "A second plan if the pig wouldn't cooperate. But seeing what Lindsay did to it, it looks like that won't be a problem." At that moment, the pig regained consciousness and began dragging Brick all over the place. Max facepalmed. "And I'm dumb."

"Aww, I wanna slide around too!" Izzy pouted, bouncing up and down in place.

"Jasmine said we need you here," Sadie said.

"Oh, alright..."

Eventually, the pig slid off the grease pit and into Taylor. "AAAAAH! IT'S ON TOP OF ME!"

"Wimp," Duncan muttered.

"Dude, righteous! Come on little piggy, let's go over this wall! I bet there's some sweet apples or something on the other side," Rock said to the pig. The pig nodded excitedly and followed him to the wall.

* * *

 _Confused Bears, Grease Pit_

"Oh no!" Jazz said. "We're not going to make it!"

"Dangnabbit!" Sugar groaned. "This is all Ella's fault!"

"How so?" Ella asked.

"It just is."

"I don't think that's particularly sound logic," Laurie said. "Bleck, this challenge is disgusting. I hope this oil is vegan."

"Don't worry!" Chris called from the finish line. "It's just good old-fashioned canola oil."

* * *

 **Confessional – Chef.**

"And peanut oil, olive oil, palm oil, coconut oil, castor oil..." Chef said as he counted off on his fingers.

* * *

"Come on! Gimme the pig!" MacArthur barked. Miles quickly handed it off.

Beardo made some oinking noises to the pig. The pig nodded and cooperated.

"What did you say to it?" MacArthur asked, curious.

"I think I told him we didn't want to hurt him," Beardo replied.

"I could've handled it myself without you stupid Misfits in my way," Josee growled. MacArthur glared at her.

* * *

It was to no avail. By the time the Confused Bears' pig was over the wall, Dawn had already coaxed the Floating Salmon's pig into letting Jasmine stamp it. "And the Floating Salmon win it!" Chris announced. "Meet me at the campfire at eight, Confused Bears, you're sending someone home!"

"It's over? Aw, man," Shawn groaned.

"Hey Owen!" Izzy called. "Wanna join me in the grease pit?"

"You know it, baby!" Owen ran over as fast as his chubby legs could carry him. Then he and Izzy began frolicking in the grease.

"It's cute," Kitty said as everyone watched the lovers play. "In a weird, twisted sorta way."

"That's Izzy for you," Noah remarked.

* * *

 _Field Alliance_

"Who are we voting for?" Courtney asked.

"I kinda want Dave out, 'cuz he's not gonna be helpful," Scott said. "Especially in any challenge involving dirt."

"I'm still ticked at Sugar for abandoning her post back in the VR challenge," Courtney muttered. "What about you, Heather?"

"I think we should target other alliances first," Heather replied. "Sugar and Dave aren't in any last I knew. But I think Ellody's part of one. She wasn't much help during our challenge anyway, so she's a safe bet."

"I don't blame her," Courtney said. "I'd be devastated if Duncan dumped me out of the blue."

"But Chet and Ellody are still dating," Scott pointed out.

"I know that! It's the principle of the thing. But I think Heather's idea is alright, so we'll vote Ellody."

* * *

 **Confessional – Scott.**

"Now that I think about it...is Ellody even a real name?"

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance_

"Who are you considering to vote out?" Alejandro asked Devin and Brady.

"Sugar," Devin said. "We can get rid of her easily."

"I mean, I'm still mad that Scott rigged the votes last time," Brady muttered, "but a lot more people don't like Sugar."

"Excellent choice, my friends," Alejandro said.

* * *

 _Misfit Alliance_

Noah had gathered all the Misfits in the Confused Bears together. "Alright, I think Emma already briefed you all on what our mission is, so I'm going to cut to the chase. We need to vote together as one. That way, whoever we vote for is more likely to go out." Ella raised her hand. "Again, Ella, we know you don't vote. Now, anyone got an idea on who to vote for?"

"The ice nerds are really getting on my nerves," MacArthur growled. "I really want them out. Especially Josee. I hate her."

"We know. Anyone else?"

"We could try Heather," Owen said. He was now shiny from the grease covering him.

"Hm, that's not a bad idea. Anyone else?"

"I think we should vote out Ellody," Carrie said. "She didn't help us, plus...she's still pretty sad. I want her happy again."

"Any other reasons?"

"If Ellody stays, she might go crazy from the heartbreak," Beardo spoke up. "We'd be doing her a favor."

Noah pondered this and nodded. "This might help us get a deal with the Geeks. Okay, everyone got that? Vote for Ellody."

* * *

 **Confessional – MacArthur.**

"Pfft, alliance. I'm a lone wolf. I'm going to stick by my vote," MacArthur said, writing JOSEE on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Mike.**

"Personally, I'm expecting to go, 'cuz Svetlana didn't want anything to do with the grease, but I'm happy to be a part of something for once," Mike said, writing ELLODY on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Devin.**

"Yeah, Sugar's going out, I can feel it," Devin said, writing SUGAR on a piece of paper. "Wait...did I just jinx it?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.**

"I don't like them veggie-eating sissies. They probably wear those ugly cork shoes and think they can clean their guts by eatin' tomatoes," Sugar growled as she wrote ELLA on a piece of paper, "but I'm still voting for Ella, 'cuz Ella thinks she's a princess and she ain't. If anyone here's a princess, it's me."

* * *

"Here's how elimination goes," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one. And boy, do we have a lot of marshmallows today." Close shot of thirty-eight marshmallows, eight of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can up the drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Owen, B, Noah, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Mary, Ennui, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Mike, Eva, Zeke, Sanders, MacArthur, Leshawna, Jazz, Shawn, Sky, Mickey, Tom, Jen, Dave, Bridgette, Beardo, and Brody."

Once they all had their marshmallows, Chris pointed to the four blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you, and with thirty-eight people on this team, it's only natural that a lot of people have a nemesis. Courtney, Ella, Scott, Josee, please come up."

Josee growled. "As soon as I find out which one of you weaklings voted for me, you're dead." MacArthur did not flinch.

Then Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Jacques, two votes. Heather, four votes." Jacques was equally unamused, while Heather just shrugged it off.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Ellody. Sugar."

The two girls looked at him, both nervous.

"Ellody, you're incredibly smart and part of a six-person alliance." Ellody's jaw dropped when she heard Chris reveal that secret. "A pretty big threat. Sugar, the rest of your team sees you as a pretty big nuisance. And with twelve votes against her...

...

...

...

...

"Sugar, against all odds, is still in!"

"Yee-haw! Take that, nerd!"

Ellody sighed. "All I have to ask is...why?"

"You were getting pretty mopey after the dodgeball challenge because Chet left," Beardo explained calmly. "You're a mental threat, sure, but we just wanted you to be gone before your emotions clouded your judgement."

Ellody smiled. "Thanks, Beardo." She walked up to the plate, grabbed the red marshmallow, and left.

* * *

 **Confessional – Mary.**

"Unbelievable!" Mary griped, slapping her hands onto her thighs. "Chris outed our alliance! We're going to be picked off quickly now that everyone knows about it. Still, Beardo's right. If Ellody had stayed longer, she might become a little...unhinged."

* * *

"Ooh, that seems like a little foreshadowing!" Chris said as he stood at the starting line of the grease pit. "Let's see if something like that does actually happen. Nine down. Seventy-five remain. Who's going to ham it up to the finish and who will get pork chopped outta here? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

A very oily Izzy jumped in front of Chris and dumped a bucket of grease on him. Chris spluttered while trying to spit out the grease as Izzy cackled away.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Owen – Ellody**

 **B – Ellody**

 **Noah – Ellody**

 **Ella – Didn't vote**

 **Emma – Ellody**

 **Brady – Sugar**

 **Lorenzo – Courtney**

 **Mary – Sugar**

 **Ennui – Sugar**

 **Scott – Ellody**

 **Heather – Ellody**

 **Devin – Sugar**

 **Carrie – Ellody**

 **Stephanie – Scott**

 **Miles – Sugar**

 **Laurie – Sugar**

 **Lauren – Heather**

 **Mike – Ellody**

 **Eva – Ellody**

 **Zeke – Ellody**

 **Sugar – Ella**

 **Sanders – Ellody**

 **MacArthur – Josee**

 **Leshawna – Heather**

 **Jazz – Sugar**

 **Ellody – Sugar**

 **Shawn – Ellody**

 **Sky – Sugar**

 **Mickey – Ellody**

 **Tom – Sugar**

 **Jen – Sugar**

 **Dave – Sugar**

 **Bridgette – Jacques**

 **Courtney – Ellody**

 **Beardo – Ellody**

 **Jacques – Heather**

 **Josee – Heather**

 **Brody – Jacques**

 **Results: 15-12-4-2-1-1-1-1 Ellody-Sugar-Heather-Jacques-Scott-Josee-Ella-Courtney**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen (Noah)**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (7)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

An intern sighed. "Man, out of all the people they pick to clean this up, the one with the bad back's got to do it," she groaned. She was in charge of mopping up the grease and disassembling the obstacles.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something in the trees move. She turned around, mop readied.

A pink arm of a mutated, tree-dwelling octopus snatched her up and dragged her away.

Then the octopus' arm returned onscreen, still holding the intern. The octopus dunked her head in the grease and pulled her back away.

Needless to say, she was never seen again.


	16. 1-10: Mild, Mild Mess

**Review time!:**

 **Yeezynight14: Thanks! Chris is one of my least favorite characters, so messing with him is always fun. The alliances are meant to underscore the relationships between the characters. Notice how the Misfit Alliance is the only one willing to branch out thus far.**

 **Anonymous: ...**

 **Concerned Fan: Yeah, it's kinda out of my jurisdiction to ask other writers to change their decisions on where they upload their stories, and I'm still pretty new and obscure, so I'm not going to bother him. Glad you like the concept.**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I put a lot of effort into making this story well-written. The idols will be a very important plot device throughout. Special-needs people are underrepresented in fiction (which bothers me a lot because I myself have something akin to Asperger's), and I felt Staci would be a good candidate for Asperger's because she shows a lot of the symptoms in canon. I agree, those are some of the best TD fanfics on the site.**

 **Bonus challenge: spot the Blazing Saddles reference hidden somewhere in this story. Winner gets...something.**

* * *

 _Saturday, October 7, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – our teams became very well- _oiled_ machines! [Bridgette commenting on the absurd amount of grease] Chef's terrible cooking made a lot of grease I didn't want to just throw out. No, I had our contestants run around in it first! [Izzy and Owen playing in the grease] A five-leg obstacle course greeted our campers, and instead of a baton, we used angry grease pigs, with faces only Sugar could love. [Sugar being the only one excited about the challenge] After a few slip-ups, pun not intended, [Tyler getting stuck in his team's tube] the Floating Salmon got to the finish line first. [Jasmine stamping the pig] The Confused Bears were stuck in elimination, and they got out by getting rid of Ellody, who was let off before she became a total yandere or whatever it's called. [Ellody's elimination] The culprits were Heather's Field Alliance [Field Alliance discussing the vote] and Noah and Emma's Misfit Alliance, which practically doubled in size from the previous challenge. [Misfit Alliance agreeing to vote out Ellody]"

Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our tenth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.

A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a desert. Chris, dressed as a stereotypical cowboy, came onscreen. "We're heading to Canada's older, louder, and oftentimes annoying older sibling, the United States, for a challenge sure to rock your boots off. Seventy-five contestants remain. Who will lasso the win and who will turned in for the reward money? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from some dead bushes, scaring off a lizard. Another came from a cactus, startling an owl. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a coyote in the face. The coyote growled and jumped at the camera, gnawing at it until the camera fizzled out of life.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across a dried-up town. Several made-up people milled about. That is, until a stampede of cattle came in. Duncan was commandeering the steer at the front, a sadistic grin on his face.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

Zeke aimed an arrow carefully at a rabbit and fired it. It hit, and so did the Vegans when they beat up Zeke for hurting an animal.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell into white-water rapids, taking them with it. They screamed as they were tossed about.

 _*Instrumental*_

Justin, Devin, and Brick panted in the sun as they worked on completing a railroad's tracks. Suddenly, they jumped out of the way as an incoming train nearly ran them over. Izzy was driving the train and happily blew the whistle as she shot through, not caring that she'd just gone off the tracks.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Owen took a bite out of a cactus pad, unfortunately forgetting to cut the spines off first. He winced in pain and found his tongue covered in spines. Noah rolled his eyes and pulled out a pair of tweezers from his pants pocket.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Scott was in a cell, groaning in annoyance at having to share his cell with Sugar, who would not shut up. Outside the cell, Alejandro had the keys, and smiled deviously at the camera.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Tyler rode a bucking bronco in an attempt to impress Lindsay. Needless to say, it ended with him getting thrown into a rock.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Cody rocked out on a piano inside a saloon. He quickly had to leave, though, as Eva and Lightning were having a barfight that destroyed the piano.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Beth opened her canteen to find it was dry. She sighed, and then got hit in the face with a tumbleweed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Sam was panning for gold when he found something in the water. He picked it up, only to be disappointed when it turned out to be one of Anne Maria's many bottles of cosmetics, which she quickly took back from him.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Ryan and Stephanie moved in for a kiss...and were interrupted by an enthusiastic Brody, who was holding a pot of baked beans. Stephanie shrieked and ran away, leaving Brody confused and Ryan to facepalm.

* * *

 _Floating Salmon_

"SAMEY!"

Sammy groaned. "It's too early in the morning, Amy, let me sleep."

"Oh, be lazy, why don't you? That's what happened when we were born. Mom and I had to wait seventeen minutes for you to come out."

"'Ey! No one needed ta know dat," Anne Maria snapped from her bunk on the other side of the room. "An' now ya interrupted mah beauty sleep."

"Well now that we ARE up," Scarlett grumbled from her bunk, "we should probably talk strategy. Today's challenge is going to be in a virtual reality assuming the machine hasn't broken."

"Yeah, that's exactly why I wanted Samey up!" Amy said. "So we can discuss who to boot off. That Rock guy annoys me, so he's out. Right, _Samey_?"

Sammy sighed. "Right."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sammy.**

Sammy sighed. "Last time we had a VR challenge, Amy and I weren't on the same team, so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping we aren't on the same team today either. If we are, then I hope Jasmine's on the same team with me, because she stands up for me a lot." She looked nervous. "I hope I can make some real friends soon. I'm tired of having to be one of Heather's underlings..."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Howdy, y'all!" Chris greeted his contestants in the VR room, dressed as a stereotypical cowboy.

Heather snickered. "Chris, what on earth are you wearing?"

"What does it look like? A clue to your VR world. That's right, today we're doing Westerns!"

"Ya mean we're going to America?" Sugar asked excitedly.

"Uh...I don't recall there being any deserts in Canada, so..."

"Yes, Chris!" Sugar beamed. "I'm from there!"

"So am I, but you don't see me making a big deal out of it," Justin muttered to himself.

"Uh, yeah...good to know," Chris said, still confused by Sugar's outburst. "I don't care. Now, everyone, check your seats for your teams!"

Amy, Rock, Heather, B, Sugar, Jo, Lightning, Izzy, Scarlett, Zeke, Kitty, Jazz, Beardo, Tom, and Harold's paper circles had a red cowboy hat, bandanna, and twin pistols on either side of the "face".

Lorenzo, Max, Ennui, Crimson, Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Mike, Mary, Stephanie, Ryan, Duncan, Gwen, and Topher's had a crossed pair of black whips.

Brick, Eva, Taylor, Dawn, Miles, Laurie, Ella, Devin, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Emma, Geoff, Bridgette, and Trent's had a golden star shape.

Sammy, Cody, Rodney, Beth, Brady, Scott, Lindsay, Owen, Cameron, Mickey, Jay, Junior, Leshawna, Tyler, and Sam's had a green Saguaro cactus.

And Noah, Dave, Sierra, Jen, Shawn, Jasmine, Sky, Brody, Katie, Sadie, Anne Maria, Lauren, Courtney, Justin, and DJ's had an orange feather.

"If you got a red circle, you are the Johnsons. If you got a black circle, you are the Williams," Chris explained. "These are two rival gangs of outlaws who want control over the peaceful town of Fort Chris, Oklahoma. Your job is to drive out everyone else, by any means necessary. Yes, you can kill your competitors. No, you won't be seeing the aftermaths of that."

Duncan grinned maliciously at the first bit, but was disappointed on hearing the second.

"If you got a gold circle, you are the Deputies. Your job is to find the Sheriff, who will be played by one of my interns [Billy waved to the campers] and train under him so you can save your town. If you got a green circle, you are the Civilians. Your job is simple: don't die, and don't cross the city lines, which shall be marked by a blue stripe outside the town. The Sheriffs and Civilians spawn in the city, and if they cross the city lines, they're automatically eliminated. The gangs will either spawn inside the city or outside the city and move in, but once they cross the city lines they can't leave. Our last group, however, can enter and exit Fort Chris as much as they please.

"If you got an orange circle, you are the Tribe. Fort Chris was built on your stolen ancestral lands, and you want them back. Your job is to drive everyone else out of Fort Chris. Like Drama Dodgeball, this is a last-man-standing competition, so the team with the most members left at the end of this is the winner, and the team who loses all its members first votes someone out.

"I'm going to come in as the Mayor of Fort Chris to check in every now and then. Best of luck, you're gonna need it."

Another intern (not Billy) pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a dried, dusty village appeared on the canvas screen...

* * *

 **Johnsons: Amy, Rock, Heather, B, Sugar, Jo, Lightning, Izzy, Scarlett, Zeke, Kitty, Jazz, Beardo, Tom, and Harold.**

 **Williams: Lorenzo, Max, Ennui, Crimson, Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Mike, Mary, Stephanie, Ryan, Duncan, Gwen, and Topher.**

 **Deputies: Brick, Eva, Taylor, Dawn, Miles, Laurie, Ella, Devin, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Emma, Geoff, Bridgette, and Trent.**

 **Civilians: Sammy, Cody, Rodney, Beth, Brady, Scott, Lindsay, Owen, Cameron, Mickey, Jay, Junior, Leshawna, Tyler, and Sam.**

 **Tribe: Noah, Dave, Sierra, Jen, Shawn, Jasmine, Sky, Brody, Katie, Sadie, Anne Maria, Lauren, Courtney, Justin, and DJ.**

* * *

 _Deputies_

"Wow!" Brick gushed at his outfit. His team had spawned in an old, abandoned stable. "I'm a real law enforcer now! Watch out, crime, 'cuz Brick McArthur is here to save the day!"

"We're not heroes until we find the sheriff," Trent reminded him. "But I gotta admit, these new outfits are pretty sweet."

"Where the heck did we spawn?" Miles asked. "And–" she looked down and saw her boots. "OH EARTH MOTHER! I'm wearing LEATHER!"

"Suck it up," Eva grunted. "It's 1870-something or somewhere around then. Plastic doesn't exist yet, so you'll have to learn to make do. And besides, this is a virtual world. No real cows actually died."

"But the virtual cows!"

"Must...not...deck..." Eva chanted to herself.

"It's actually not as bad as I'd thought it'd be, babes," Laurie said. "We can make it up to the Earth Mother later. Right now we need to find the sheriff."

Miles sighed. "Alright, does anyone have an idea?"

"A lot of times in Westerns, the sheriff's building is like, one of the nicer ones," Geoff reasoned. "And there's like, iron bars for like, criminals. So if we find that, we'll find the sheriff."

* * *

 _Williams_

Unfortunately, the Williams had found the sheriff's office first, as they'd spawned right outside it.

"Al! Where are you?" Topher asked. Alejandro was missing.

"DON'T CALL ME AL!"

"Found him," Topher said nonchalantly. Alejandro, who was dressed as though he was the gang's leader, had spawned inside a cell in the sheriff's office.

"Are you okay?" Gwen asked.

"Doing fine. Can someone get me out of this place?"

"We could send someone in to distract the sheriff, get his keys, and free Alejandro that way," Mike suggested.

"Not enough," Max said. "We're a gang. We need to act like it. Someone go in there and intimidate the sheriff. If you can hurt him, _do it_. I believe Duncan would be best for this."

"With pleasure," Duncan said, pulling out one of his knives.

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"I thought Max was just this lame little gremlin, but he's actually pretty cool," Duncan said, smiling. The confessionals were held in front of the remains of a campfire. "Plus, he's smart. Maybe we should bring HIM into the alliance...nah, he's not cool enough for that, plus his girlfriend wouldn't approve of it...or maybe she would, I dunno, she seemed pretty evil during the mannequin challenge."

* * *

 _Tribe_

"REAL funny, Chris," Noah muttered. "Have the Indian guy dress up like the other kind of Indian." His team were dressed like stereotypical Indigenous Americans.

"This does feel a little...racist," Katie admitted.

"Guys, we need to focus," Jasmine said. "Our first order of business is planning our attack and getting our supplies together. We might be here for many virtual days. I think I should go forage, because I'm an expert at this sort of thing."

"Seriously?" Jasmine turned to see an irate Shawn. "I've been preparing myself for the zombie apocalypse since I was four. I know every edible plant and animal in every biome. If anyone's finding food for our tribe, it's me."

"Oh my god, both of you can go!" Courtney snapped. "Happy?"

Shawn shrugged. "I'll take it. If you can keep up," he added in Jasmine's direction.

The Survivalist snorted. "You're on."

* * *

 _Civilians_

"Hey, this is just like the farm back home!" Beth exclaimed. She was dressed as a farmhand. "Wait, where is everyone?" In the immediate vicinity, only Brady, Rodney, Cody, and Sammy had spawned in the same ranch.

"Maybe they're somewhere else," Cody suggested. "It doesn't really matter as long as we don't cross the border. Really, it's the only thing we're supposed to do. Right?"

"Hey, that girl looks cute," Rodney said, eying one of the virtually-generated women. Her husband then came up to her and they left together. "Aw man, even in make-believe I'm still single."

"There a reason you're doing this?" Brady asked, stepping a little closer to Beth.

Rodney sighed. "I've never been good with girls. The only one I really ever talked to was Momma, and she left my family when I was a youngun'. I mean, I follow the code and all, but it's sometimes hard to know who's...available."

"Code?" Sammy asked Beth.

"The unspoken Code of Couples at school," Beth explained. "Don't go after anyone who's single, not interested, of incompatible orientation, or being pursued by someone else."

"Ohhh!" Sammy realized. "So _that's_ why the only guy I see pining for Lindsay is Tyler!"

"Hey, I can help you, big guy," Cody offered. "I don't want to brag, but I _am_ pretty slick. Let the Codemeister teach you everything he knows."

Rodney perked up. "You would? Aw, thanks!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Brady.**

"Well, he respects couples, so there's that," Brady said. "Maybe I judged Rodney too quickly. I'll have to wait so I can find out more about that guy."

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"Rodney turned out to be alright," Cody said. "He's calm, humble, and very receptive. But what amazes me more is that for once, Sierra and I aren't on the same team. Why is that?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Chris.**

"I was going to," Chris, dressed as the mayor, revealed, "but then Chef told me: what if I separated them? Then Sierra would do all sorts of things to get back with him, and those kinds of hijinks _always_ make for good ratings."

* * *

 _Johnsons_

"Whoa! Dude, I look awesome!" Rock exclaimed, admiring his gangster outfit. His team had spawned outside of Fort Chris, on a ledge overlooking the small town.

"Even though it's not particularly accurate for this time period, I must admit this attire is quite to my liking," Scarlett agreed.

"Okay, everyone, listen up!" Heather, who was dressed as their leader, called. Her team gathered around her. "We need to figure out a plan. Strategy is going to be key if we want to win. I think we should target the Tribe first, since they're the only ones who can go outside the town without being eliminated."

"But we're already outside the town!" Sugar pointed out.

"We can go in, but once we're in we can't go out," Harold corrected her. "Gosh, did you not pay attention to Chris?"

"Stuff it, Harold, but you're right," Heather said. "What we need to do is send one of us to draw them out. Once they're in range, we'll–"

"Head 'em off at the pass?"

Heather picked up a piece of the ledge and dropped it on Rock's foot. "Never say that again!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Rock.**

"Ow...wait, I just realized that Heather dropped a rock on Rock," the teen realized. "Wow. Mind blown." He made an exploding sound effect with his mouth.

* * *

In a saloon somewhere, Chef had spawned as a bartender, and Chris was there too.

"Well, everything seems to be going according to plan," Chris said. "Will the deputies find their sheriff? Find out after these messages."

"Can I drink this?" Scott, who'd also spawned in the bar, asked as he eyed a bottle of whiskey.

"You're under eighteen, and we need you to not offend our American viewers, so no."

"Aw..."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the viewers. "While the commercials were running, the Williams broke out gang leader Alejandro out of prison, and the commotion brought the Deputies to where they were heading. Let's see what's going on."

* * *

 _Sheriff's Office_

It was, needless to say, an obligatory shootout. The Deputies had found the Williams beating up the sheriff (who was really just Billy wearing a hat and a fake beard) and had come to the aid of their soon-to-be mentor.

"We'll be back!" Topher promised before his team ran off to their secret hiding place.

Trent helped Billy up. "You alright, Sheriff?" The intern had numerous cuts on his face, and his fake beard was peeling off.

"I've seen better days," Billy replied wearily. "Frankly I'm just glad this is all virtual. Since I'm playing the sheriff and you saved my life, I guess my character is supposed to train you in return."

"Don't worry, brah! We'll avenge your beard!" Geoff declared. Behind him, Taylor facepalmed.

* * *

 _Cue montage music._

* * *

 _Williams_

Alejandro laid out a piece of tattered paper on a table. On it was a diagram of Fort Chris. "Okay," Alejandro said, before proceeding to point at various spots on the map, "the bank is here, the mayor's mansion is over here, and our secret cache of extra weapons is over here. Tomorrow we strike, and by the time the Johnsons show up there'll be nothing left. Then we just pick everyone else off. Sound fair?"

"Yeah, I think that's reasonable," Lorenzo commented.

After the team dispersed, Alejandro beckoned Ryan and Duncan to come over. "I recently learned that Ellody is part of an alliance, and I will give you three guesses as to who's in it," he said.

"The Geeks?" Ryan asked.

"Precisely. I believe we should weaken their alliance further by voting out Mary. After all, she is one of the biggest mental threats on our team. Plus, this is a physical challenge, so she won't do as well as she would in a mental one."

"Giving the other people a reason to vote for her," Duncan finished. "I like it."

* * *

 _Civilians_

"Need...water..." Owen panted. He slowed down as he walked down the road, before collapsing.

"Oh no! We need to help Orson!" Lindsay said nervously.

"Move aside, girl. I got this," Leshawna said. In this universe, she was very muscular, and was easily able to lift the Friendly Food Lover over her shoulders.

"Wow Lequisha, you're super strong," Lindsay noted.

"Yeah, I think my character is s'posed to be a thug or somethin'. We need to get Owen inside before it's too late."

Suddenly, Owen dissipated in a flash of blue light.

"Seriously?" Leshawna griped. "We can die of dehydration in this game?"

Josee, who was hiding behind a barrel, overheard this, and got an evil idea.

* * *

 _Tribe_

Shawn lifted a rock and found a hole in the ground. He poked a stick through it and came up with some grubs. "Not the easiest meal on the eyes, but it's a good source of protein," he mused.

That's when the ground squirrel also occupying the hole decided to leap out and attack him. Shawn screamed as he tried to get the rodent off his face. Eventually, Jasmine found him and quickly snatched the squirrel off his face. The squirrel looked at her glaring face and gulped.

* * *

 _Johnsons_

Heather drew in the sandy soil with a sharpened stick. "Okay, tonight I want Zeke, Kitty, Sugar, Tom, and Beardo to go after the Tribe. Beardo, use your vocal talents to mask their sounds with the ambience of this environment."

"Can do," he replied.

"The rest of you, once you're in range, take out as many of them as you can. If we can wipe them out, or at the very least weaken them, they'll have a higher chance of going out before us."

"And if they fight back?" Scarlett asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course they'll fight back. But we've got more advanced weapons than they do."

They didn't notice that Lauren was spying on them the whole time.

* * *

 _Deputies_

"Aim at the target and fire," Billy instructed. Emma, holding a comically oversized rifle, stood in front of a wooden post with a paper target tacked onto it. "Picture it as your opponent's weak point. Aim for the middle, that's where the heart will be."

"I thought it was on the left," Devin said.

"It's actually in the middle. The left is where your aorta is." Everyone looked at the intern, confused as to how he knew that. "Look, I'm trying to keep the bloodshed to a minimum, okay? Getting shot in the lungs means it takes a while to bleed to death. One shot to the heart, and your opponent is done, y'know?"

Emma narrowed her eyes and shot at the target. It hit, but because of her small stature the force of the gun firing knocked her on her back.

Billy sighed. "We've got a long way to go."

* * *

 _End montage music._

* * *

 _Tribe_

Under the starlit sky, the Tribe ate a hearty dinner, made of native wildlife foraged by Jasmine and Shawn. Cactus pads and fruits, tumbleweeds, grubs, roadrunner eggs, even the ground squirrel that had attacked Shawn earlier.

"I gotta say," Justin contended as he chewed on one of the cactus pads, which had been baked to perfection, "these aren't half-bad. DJ, you are the king of cooking."

"You really think so?" DJ asked.

"Yeah, bro, this stuff is awesome!" Brody complimented. "Now if we only had some baked beans to go with this..."

"Um...guys?" Lauren asked timidly as she approached her team.

"You're back," Courtney said. "What did you find out?"

"The Johnsons...they're coming after us tonight. We need to be ready."

"Don't worry," Noah said, waving his hand. "I've already got a plan." He pointed to a drawing in the ground he'd made earlier.

Lauren studied it. "You sure this will work?"

"Of course I am."

* * *

 _Later that night_

Beardo carefully made some cricket noises as Tom, Sugar, Zeke, and Kitty snuck into the Tribe's campsite. Fifteen sleeping bags were spaced around the fire and bulged with mysterious shapes.

Sugar chuckled to herself. "This is too easy." She cocked her pistol at one of the sleeping bags.

"A little too easy, eh," Zeke murmured. "These folks'd never leave themselves out in the oopen, all asleep-like."

"Yeah, you're right," Kitty said. "This could be a trap. No, scratch that, I'm pretty sure it's one."

"Well, then we should head back, then," Tom said.

"What? You kiddin' me? I ain't goin' back till I kill at least one of these no-good injuns," Sugar snapped.

* * *

 **Confessional – Tom.**

Tom shook his head in disgust. "Sugar represents the _worst_ of the United States. I know for a fact that many of us are NOT that racist. If we lose today, I'm voting her out."

* * *

Sugar fired at the sleeping bag, and it made a sickening squelch. She whooped in delight, then noticed a piece of cactus had come out. The five gang members looked and discovered that instead of a person, Sugar had shot a tall cactus that had been roughly shoved into the sleeping bag.

"What in tarnation?" Sugar asked, scratching her head.

It was at that exact moment that something heavy cracked against the back of her neck, causing her to dissolve in a flash of blue light. Courtney was revealed, smacking a wooden post into her open palm.

"It's a trap!" Kitty screeched. She tried to get away, but ended up bumping into something warm. Sadie lowered her gaze to eye the Cell Phone Addict, before quickly swatting her over and stepping on her back, cracking her ribs and ejecting Kitty from the game. Zeke valiantly fired off arrows from a quiver he'd spawned with, but Courtney easily struck him down with her post, before taking out Tom as well. Beardo attempted to sneak away in the middle of the chaos, and was quickly turned into a flash of blue with a rock to the forehead courtesy of Justin.

"Who says models aren't afraid to get dirty?" Justin asked the camera.

* * *

 _The next morning_

 _Civilians_

Sam yawned, opening his eyes. He got out of bed, scratched his rear, and made his way to the bathroom sink to wash his face. He turned on the tap, but to his surprise nothing came out.

"This is not good."

* * *

 _Williams_

"You cut off their water supply," Alejandro said slowly.

" _Oui_. It was simple, really. I just had to plug up the pump," Josee said simply.

"I do not recall telling you to do that. We _can_ die of heatstroke here, you know. I recently learned Owen was ejected that way."

"That's how I got the idea, you twit," Josee growled, drawing level with him. She didn't want to have to deal with him. She was more popular at school, why did she have to answer to Alejandro here?

They were interrupted by Stephanie. "Guys, we got a problem."

"What is it?"

"I think it'd be better if you came and saw..."

Alejandro stood. "We will continue this talk _later_ ," he growled at Josee, who simply scoffed. Alejandro marched to the door and opened it, revealing the Johnsons, with Heather aiming her gun at Alejandro's forehead.

* * *

"Well, if it isn't my handsome jerk," Heather chuckled darkly. "Ready to lose, Alejandro? Or are you going to die trying to win the unwinnable?"

"I have nothing to fear," Alejandro countered, pushing her gun away from his face. "My team outnumbers yours three to two."

"Yeah, I think the Tribe got them," Harold said off to the side.

"Told you we should've sent me!" Jo added indignantly in Heather's direction.

Heather rolled her eyes and refocused her gaze back to Alejandro. "You and I both know who's going to win this," she said.

"Yes. Me!" Alejandro pulled out his own gun and shot Jazz square in the chest, ejecting her from the game. He whistled and the rest of his gang came out of the secret hideout. A mass shootout began to emerge...

* * *

 _Deputies_

"What was that?" Carrie asked.

"That's gunfire if I ever heard it," MacArthur replied curtly. "C'mon everyone! Let's move! The sooner we stop the gangs from trashing the place, the better!"

"Dude, you think we're ready?" Geoff asked Billy.

Billy, freaking out from the gunfire, tore off his fake beard entirely and shrieked, "Yes! Now go!"

As they ran off to the scene of the fight, Devin decided to ask his best friend something. "Carrie? I was just wondering...I don't want to kill any of the Civillians, but we're supposed to beat them...what do we do?"

"I don't know. I don't want it to end up with us letting the gangs kill them," Carrie shuddered.

"Maybe we trick them into moving outside the border?" Devin gasped and smiled. "That's it!"

"Yeah, I think that'll work!" Carrie complimented. "But for now let's just focus on the gangs, 'kay?"

"Right, right."

* * *

 **Confessional – Devin.**

"I came up with that all by myself! Without the Ice Dancers telling me to!" Devin grinned triumphantly. "This is a proud moment for me."

* * *

Max approached Scarlett. "You're disarmed," he noted.

"It appears so. And you have a gun."

"Yes, and I intend to win this for my team. No hard feelings?"

"None at all."

Then Max fired.

Having witnessed this display, all Topher could squeak was "...Why?"

"Purely strategic," Max dismissed him. "Besides, it's good practice for me should Scarlett pass on prematurely." He waited a few moments, then broke into tears. Fortunately, he was returned to the real world by Eva on the Rifle Express.

"Alright, everyone, listen up," Taylor spoke. "We're the law enforcement here, so what we say goes. Put your hands up in the air, and leave Fort Chris forever."

"Ma'am, with all due respect, I don't think that'll work," Brick piped up.

Taylor bopped him over the head with her gun. "No one cares!"

Heather smirked. "I've always wanted to do this," she said, pulling out her gun and shooting Taylor where she thought her heart was. But of course, it was too far left, and Taylor, bleeding virtual blood, still had the strength to shoot Heather's chest dead center. Then both were ejected.

"Ohhh, _that's_ why you don't shoot at the left," Bridgette commented. To the gangs, she said, "I'm not normally one for violence, but I think I can manage it for one day. What do you say, guys?"

Geoff grinned. "I think we're gonna win."

* * *

In the ensuing melee, even the Civilians got involved. Cody and Sammy were approached by Duncan, wielding two switchblades expertly. Duncan snarled, but Cody quickly decked him with a powerful right hook, while Sammy snatched one of the knives as it fell and drove it into Duncan's throat, ejecting him.

"Wow, we make a really good team," Cody noted.

"Yeah, we do," Sammy added.

"CODY!" Sierra screamed with joy as she suddenly invaded the ranch. She snatched him and ran to the county line. Predictably, as soon as she crossed it, Cody disappeared.

* * *

Amy growled at Tyler before driving her right foot into his crotch, and not in a good way. Tyler crumpled to the ground, holding his kiwis.

"That wasn't nice!" Lindsay exclaimed. "Andy, I thought we didn't do that!"

" _YOU_ don't do that, but I don't care," Amy said nonchalantly. She pulled out a lit stick of dynamite from nowhere and threw it at the ground. It blew the Klutzy Jock and the Scatterbrained Princess into the air and out to the edge of Fort Chris.

Tyler landed on his feet, and then caught his crush. "Tyson! You saved me!"

"It was nothing," Tyler chuckled.

Then they noticed her hair and his hand were over the line, and both were ejected.

* * *

 **Confessional – Tyler and Lindsay.**

"Seriously?!" Tyler, back in the real world with a grimacing Lindsay on his lap, asked the camera irately. "THAT got us thrown out?!"

"It should've been ALL of us over the line!" Lindsay snapped. "Why didn't Carl tell us that?"

"I don't know, but you're right. It's not fair that he doesn't tell us everything about the rules."

A pause.

"I really like ranting about stuff with you," Lindsay realized. "What about you?"

Tyler felt like he'd won the lottery, but he played it cool and said, "Me too. Guess we should do this more often."

* * *

Rock was approached by Jacques. "Going somewhere?"

"Uh, yeah dude! I'm going over there with my team! Oh, you should've seen Amy, she got some dynamite and it was all like, ka-BOOM!" Rock babbled.

"Rock, you twit! You just gave them an idea!" Amy snapped.

"I wanted to do the dynamite thing," Izzy frowned. "Not to us, I mean, but you know what I mean."

Jacques pulled out a stick of dynamite and threw it at the Williams, blowing them all up when it hit the ground.

Unfortunately, he was the last of his team still standing, and Leshawna punched him in the back of the head, hard enough to eject him from the game.

"We've won this, for the everyman!" she crowed.

Suddenly, a man dressed as the mayor appeared. "Hey everyone! The governor just expanded our territory! And good thing too, there's a lotta gold in them thar hills!"

"GOLD?!" asked every NPC townsperson. Soon they began racing out of Fort Chris, forcing the Civilians and Deputies to keep up.

Then the mayor took off his hat, revealing Shawn had dressed up as Chris to trick them. "Okay guys, that's a wrap! Time to clear this place out!"

The rest of the Tribe appeared and began to destroy the town, wiping it of any trace of Manifest Destiny.

* * *

"Hey, where'd my other suit go?" Chris asked himself as he stared at the closet.

* * *

As soon as they reached the desert, all of the Civilians and Deputies disappeared. Courtney used her foot to kick aside some of the sand, revealing they'd covered the county line to make it seem like Fort Chris had expanded.

Suddenly, she erupted into a flash of light...

* * *

Back in the real world, Chris greeted the contestants. "Although I'm a little miffed that they stole my clothes, the Tribe's knowledge of the outside world won them the challenge!" The Tribe cheered. "Their prize? A trip to a rodeo show at a ranch in Alberta, with all the baked beans and pork you can eat!

"And the other teams. Civilians, Deputies, you did a good job not dying. Williams, you won the gang war, you're also safe. Your prize? Beef jerky and prickly pear juice to wash it down.

"Johnsons, you all died first, so you lose. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Johnsons, someone's going to hightail it tonight!"

* * *

"YES!" Brody exclaimed, punching the air. "A dude ranch! Oh, that'll be awesome!"

"Hey, bring some baked beans for me too, dude," Geoff said.

"Sure, why not?"

"I'd like some too," MacArthur added. "Anything that's not Mr. Crazy's horrible glop."

"Say what?" Chef asked, looking up at that moment.

Brody stuttered at the thought of his crush wanting something from him, before Bridgette cut in and said, "He'd be happy to."

Off to the side, Stephanie remarked to Ryan, "Glad I'm not doing that."

"I guess you would. Why do you hate beans so much, anyway?"

"They're just so...mushy," she shuddered.

* * *

"Don't worry Cody, I'll be back in three days," Sierra said softly, before leaving to pack up her things.

As soon as she was gone, Cody breathed a sigh of relief. "No Sierra for three days...now I can work on that videogame without any major interruptions."

* * *

Scarlett held Max, who was still crying a little, close to her. "It wasn't real," she whispered to him.

"I know, but..."

"Don't worry. You and I both know that only one of us can win the money. And you know I wouldn't let myself die unless I knew it was the right thing. I was taking a risk for my team so another could have the chance."

"You...threw the challenge?"

"Not exactly, but if it means getting people who would cheat people like us out of their fair share out of the competition, I'll do what I have to."

"Level the playing field," Max realized. "I'm not as sad anymore. Go get 'em, Scarlett. If I suggest, go for Sugar. She's becoming a real thorn in everyone's backsides."

"Consider it done."

* * *

 **Confessional – Zeke.**

"Sugar goot me killed before I could help us win," Zeke said, writing SUGAR on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Jazz.**

"Sorry buddy, but I can't trust you to not be a liability," Jazz apologized, writing ROCK on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – B.**

B said nothing, simply writing SUGAR on a piece of paper and grimacing at the camera.

* * *

 **Confessional – Izzy.**

"Bye-bye, not-Sugar!" Izzy cackled as she wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.

* * *

"Okay, dogies, here's how we conduct our eliminations in these parts," Chris said.

"Can you stop the cowboy talk? The challenge is over," Heather said bluntly.

"Okay, _fine_!" Chris took his hat off. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Fifteen marshmallows, four of which were colored, adorned the plate. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can wrestle up some drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Amy, B, Jo, Lightning, Izzy, Scarlett, Zeke, Kitty, Jazz, Beardo, and Tom."

Once they all had their marshmallows, Chris pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Harold and Heather, I believe these belong to you."

"Hopefully NOT for mocking your stupid hat," Heather remarked as she carried her marshmallow back to her seat.

"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. But today, we have none of them." Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Sugar. Rock."

The two looked at him, Sugar somewhat cockily.

"Again, weird names. Again, Sugar, your teammates think you're annoying. Rock, you inadvertently killed half your team. It's another close one, seven against six...

...

...

...

...

"Sugar lives to compete another day!"

"Are you [f word]ing KIDDING ME?!" Amy shrieked.

"Be glad none of us voted for YOU," Jo said darkly.

Rock shrugged and got his marshmallow. "Well guys, it was nice playing with you all. I hope to see which one of you gets the million bucks!"

"Bye Rock!" Kitty waved, while Beardo did an impromptu guitar solo with his mouth to provide exit music.

* * *

Chris stood at the VR machine. "Well, looks like the VR generator hates musicians. Ten down. Seventy-four remain. Who's going to lasso the win and who's going to take the wagon train off the island? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

To Billy, who was sitting there traumatized from the experience, he said, "GET BACK TO WORK! I don't pay you for sitting around."

"You don't pay me anyway!"

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Amy – Rock**

 **Rock – Heather**

 **Heather – Rock**

 **B – Sugar**

 **Sugar – Harold**

 **Jo – Rock**

 **Lightning – Rock**

 **Izzy – Sugar**

 **Scarlett – Sugar**

 **Zeke – Sugar**

 **Kitty – Sugar**

 **Jazz – Rock**

 **Beardo – Sugar**

 **Tom – Sugar**

 **Harold – Rock**

 **Results: 7-6-1-1 Rock-Sugar-Heather-Harold**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen (Noah)**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (6)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

In the virtual world, the NPC residents trudged across the desert sand, when the rest of the Tribe showed up.

The chief looked them over. "Respect us and our ways, and we may be able to help you," he said. "But I know many others look down on our culture and think us uncivilized. Would you like to see how wrong they are?"

"I guess we have no choice," the banker said, nodding in his direction. "We'll join you guys, make our own country. Who needs the US, anyway?"

"Uh...everyone?" a random woman asked.


	17. 1-11: The Big Sleep

**Review time!:**

 **Yeezynight14: Thanks! I didn't like that one as much because I don't like Westerns, but it's kinda obligatory in VR. Noah is very glad that he has Shawn in the Misfit Alliance. With Rock gone, I'm finding it a bit harder to find people to throw out...  
**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I just had to work on some other things in my universe. That chapter was very important, for it was the official beginning of Codammy, Shawnmine, and Lyler! Nemma begins soon. ;)  
**

 **Great Idea Alert: Thanks! Yes, they will be complaining about the cabins. A lot. But Season Two will have much more than that. The mistletoe shenanigans will definitely be a thing (looking at you, Sierra). There will not be a Gift of the Magi plot, though, because I never liked those kinds of stories.**

* * *

 _Tuesday, October 10, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – YEE-HAW! [Brick admiring his outfit] In our second VR challenge, we paid homage to the good ol' Western. And by homage, I mean parody. [Amy throwing the dynamite at Tyler and Lindsay] Two rival gangs, led by rival lovers Heather and Alejandro [Split-screen of both Alejandro and Heather giving orders to their underlings] wanted control of Fort Chris. The Deputies [Emma falling over] had to stop them. The Civilians [Owen suddenly dying of heatstroke] needed to not die. And the Tribe [Shawn getting attacked by the squirrel] needed to kill everyone else to get their land back. We had some devious plans on many sides, [The failed raid on the Tribe, followed by Josee explaining to Alejandro about the water] but ultimately, Shawn got the Tribe the win thanks to another trick, this one involving my stuff. [Shawn dressed as the mayor; cut to Courtney revealing the trick] But thanks to Rock's ineptitude, [Rock telling Jacques about what Amy did] his team was thrown out first, leading to his elimination. [Rock's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "First Spud, then Rock. Looks like the VR challenge doesn't like musicians. We'll have to wait till the 15th challenge to see if Trent gets thrown out."

"Hey!" Trent shouted from somewhere offscreen.

"For now, though, I have other things in store. Seventy-four contestants remain. Who will live the dream of being famous and who will snooze and lose? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Civilians_

"Wow, this looks awesome," Sam said as he looked at some computer code. Next to him, Cody beamed proudly. "I'll be sure to play this once the show's over."

"Thanks, buddy."

"So, since we're both here," Sam began, "I heard our alliance got exposed by Chris the other day."

"I know, it sucks," Cody groaned. "Do you think he did it because he dislikes us for being nerds?"

"He seems to hate all kids equally, so maybe not. I dunno. Anyway, I was thinking we should start going after the people most likely to vote us off."

"Good idea. I think we should go for Heather, because she's not very popular among most of us."

Sam nodded. "I can work with that. I'll let Cameron, Mary, and Harold know."

"CAMPERS! Come to the beach, we're doing a challenge! Be sure to bring your sneakers!"

Cody and Sam looked down and saw they were already wearing them. "Guess that's one item off the list," Cody remarked.

"Wait a minute. We never got called for breakfast. Do you think Chef forgot?"

"Maybe today's challenge is an eating challenge," Cody suggested. "We'll just have to wait and see."

* * *

"I'm so hungry," Scott groaned, clutching his aching stomach.

"I know," Courtney agreed. "Iron stomach or not, I'd even go for Chef's gruel right now."

Everyone was at the beach, looking at Chris. "For the first part of our challenge, you must race a 20k around the island," Chris began. "The course will be marked off by those banners. Go off the path, and you're disqualified for the second part of the challenge."

"20 kilometers? That's 12.5 miles!" Zoey exclaimed.

"You can convert between units. So what?" Duncan asked.

"Hey, be nice," Leshawna butted in. "She just moved here this year, an' I guess she's tryin' to figure out stuff." To Zoey, she said, "Don't worry sweetie. Just stick with me 'n' Gwen and you'll be alright."

"I hope so."

* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.**

"I came here from a small town in Minnesota," Zoey explained. "I was the only person there with my interests; indie music, videogames, that sort of thing." She sighed. "I hope I can find someone among all these people at Wawanakwa who don't quite fit in. Someone who really knows what it's like to be lonely."

* * *

"For right now, you're all going to be one single team: The Campers. More to come in part three." Chris pulled out an airhorn. "Now that I have one of these, I'll be using this from now on." He blew it. "Begin!"

And everyone began running.

* * *

 **Confessional – Topher.**

"Part three?" Topher asked himself. "Hm. If I know Chris (and I do), then parts one and two won't be the actual challenge. Instead, they're certainly meant to make the actual challenge that much harder."  


* * *

The Athletes (and Eva) were able to get to the front of the line early, due to being more built for endurance. Everyone else struggled to run.

"This is just great," Noah panted. "Have the guy who's not an athlete in any sense of the word, just came back from a different timezone, and is still suffering jetlag, run twenty thousand meters in one go." He groaned. "I freaking hate Chris."

"You wouldn't be the only one," Emma agreed. "He doesn't care about our wellbeing at all, just the ratings this show gets from the sickos who watch this garbage."

"I know. This is the exact kind of thing my little cousins aren't allowed to watch."

They shared a laugh. Emma's face grew serious again. "Two challenges ago, he exposed the Geek's Alliance."

"Did he? Looks like I'll have to make that deal with Cody sooner than I thought."

"Noah, this is serious. If he exposed them, what's to stop him from exposing us? Let's face it, he married _Blaineley_ , for Pete's sake!"

"I know that. I figured he'd be as biased as her." Noah thought some more. "This is really bad. Alejandro would _kill_ to have us eliminated. I'll have to go after him first if I can, but that won't be easy. He's very popular and has tricked most of the rest into blindly following him, like Izzy and Owen."

"Ooh, they're not gonna be happy when they find out what he's really like, are they?"

"No, they aren't. But hopefully someone else will eliminate him for us before he can cause too much trouble."

* * *

 _Many hours later_

Eventually, the last person crossed the finish line. Luckily, no one had crossed the borders of the path, so no one had been disqualified.

"Here's part two, everyone!" Chris announced. He led them into the cafeteria, which to their surprise was filled to the brim with classic Thanksgiving dinners. "Happy belated Thanksgiving, everyone!"

Now, many of the campers rightfully suspected this was a trick. But basic instinct, crying out for sustenance, overruled conscious thought.

So everyone ate up.

A lot.

* * *

"Thank goodness for tofu," Miles sighed happily, patting her full stomach.

Chris snickered. "Okay everyone, now follow me to the campfire pit so we can begin our challenge!"

"Wait, that 20k WASN'T the challenge?" Tyler asked.

"Nope!"

* * *

"The real challenge is the Awake-A-Thon!" Chris declared proudly at the pit, where everyone sat on the stumps. "You've only got the things you brought with you to keep you up. Now, the challenge is simple: stay awake for fifty hours straight. Once you fall asleep, you're out!"

"So the things you did before that..." Ryan began.

"Yep! I had you exhaust your muscles with the run. Then I had you eat a lot of turkey, because it has a lot of tryptophan, which makes you sleepy."

"That's actually a myth," Cameron piped up.

"Wait, really?"

"While tryptophan _is_ on the metabolic pathway to serotonin, one of the sleep-inducing hormones, the real thing that makes you tired is the inordinate amount of carbohydrates you ate. To have enough energy to break them down, the body needs to have the brain, which consumes the most energy out of anything in your body, inactive. Thus, you sleep."

"Oh. Huh. Well, in my defense, TV people aren't meant to be scientists." Chris turned to everyone else. "I'm going to break you into your two teams now.

"Bridgette, Courtney, DJ, Duncan, Eva, Zeke, Geoff, Harold, Katie, Sadie, Tyler, Taylor, Dawn, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, B, Ennui, Crimson, Mary, Stephanie, Amy, Kitty, Cameron, Mickey, Jay, Dave, Shawn, Sam, Ella, Jazz, Beardo, Lightning, Mike, Topher, and Brody. You are going to be the Killer Bass! If I called your name, come to the right side, please." They did as they were told. "Everyone else, you're the Screaming Gophers! Go to the left side."

Once they were on their respective sides, Chris pressed a button on his podium. A circular wall rose from the ground, closing off the campfire from the rest of the island. There was also a wall down its center, to separate the two teams.

From a speaker mounted on either side, Chris addressed them. "Alright, let's go over some ground rules. You must be asleep for longer than ten seconds for you to be out. Repeatedly closing your eyes for nine seconds before opening them will earn automatic disqualification. Bathroom breaks are on the hour and will be accompanied by Chef.

"Anyone who can stay up longer than fifty hours will be safe. The winning team will have the most players still awake. Once you've fallen asleep, you will be taken out of the enclosure, again by Chef."

"How will you know we're asleep?" DJ asked.

"Security cameras." It was at that moment that everyone noticed that the entire top of the dome was covered in small, flat cameras, with bright overhead lights interrupting the pattern every now and again.

"Good luck!" With that, Chris pressed yet another button, and timers embedded in the dividing wall, one on each side, began the long countdown to zero from eighteen thousand seconds.

* * *

 **Confessional – Chris.**

Chris chuckled. "Man, I love cameras. The next Aftermath's going to have SO many funny clips from this episode!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Scott.**

"Well, this bites," Scott muttered. Since he wasn't allowed to leave, he had slunk over to the side of the wall, out of earshot, and had lowered his voice. "I'm gonna have to be careful with what I say, else I'm going out."  


It was at that moment that Scott suddenly fell asleep and fell to the ground.

* * *

"Scott's out!" Chris announced. "He's the first to fall asleep. And in the middle of a confessional, no less. I wonder what he was up to," he added coyly. Heather and Courtney tried their best to not look at the loudspeakers but make it not look suspicious, while Chef came in and dragged Scott away.

A few more thuds on Courtney's side, and she turned to see that Brody, Geoff, and Tyler had fallen asleep too. "And so are Brody, Geoff, and Tyler!"

"Seriously?" Courtney groaned. "Tyler I'd expect, but Brody and Geoff? Bridgette, aren't they used to staying up late partying?"

"Yes," was the reply. "But they aren't used to running a 20k without any practice."

"Oh, that makes more sense now. Thanks."

* * *

 **Screaming Gophers: Heather, Sugar, Jo, Izzy, Scarlett, Tom,** **Lorenzo, Max, Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Ryan, Gwen, Miles, Laurie, Devin, Emma, Trent, Sammy, Cody, Rodney, Beth, Brady, Scott, Lindsay, Owen, Junior, Leshawna, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Jasmine, Sky, Anne Maria, Lauren, Zoey, and Justin.  
**

 **Killer Bass: Bridgette, Courtney, DJ, Duncan, Eva, Zeke, Geoff, Harold, Katie, Sadie, Tyler, Taylor, Dawn, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, B, Ennui, Crimson, Mary, Stephanie, Amy, Kitty, Cameron, Mickey, Jay, Dave, Shawn, Sam, Ella, Jazz, Beardo, Lightning, Mike, Topher, and Brody.**

* * *

 _Hour Six_

More people had fallen asleep. Tom, Lorenzo, and Leshawna on the Gopher side. Katie, Sadie, DJ, Mickey, and Jay on the Bass side.

* * *

 _Hour Ten_

Some more people were asleep, but had yet to be removed. On the Bass side, MacArthur had decided to keep herself awake by working out.

"Seriously? You're not even a little tired?" Sanders asked her best friend.

"Nah, I can take not getting a couple Z's," MacArthur replied. "Besides, I have to keep my non-glute muscles in shape, 'cuz I've kinda been neglecting them."

Mike, meanwhile, had fallen asleep, switching between his personalities as evidenced by his sleep-talking. Aside from Chester and Svetlana, two more were hinted at: his voice sometimes became deeper, and his Italian ancestry more obvious with the Sicilian-American accent, and sometimes his voice took on a nasally, authoritative Australian accent.

Lightning scoffed. "Get a load of this spazz!"

Taylor laughed. "Oh my god, what a freak! Guess he's a slumber party of one!"

"You should be nicer to him," Cameron said timidly. "He had a really rough childhood."

"Make me, wimp," Lightning growled.

"He can't, but **I** will," MacArthur, deciding to intervene, declared, getting into Lightning's face so close he could smell her breath (and immediately he choked on it).

"Hey, if Mike's asleep, why hasn't he been taken out yet?" Harold pointed out.

"From a certain point of view, aren't we always asleep?" Crimson asked monotonously.

* * *

Chef had fallen asleep himself. "CHEF!" Chris shouted, waking him up. "I've got losers sleeping in there. Chop chop!"

Chef grumbled drowsily as he roused himself. "How do you even _have_ this much energy?"

* * *

"Because," Chris said on the other side of the island, "I have robot duplicates of myself to do the tasks I don't want to. Now that we're twenty percent of the way through, what else is going to happen? Find out after these messages."

Then he covered the camera with his hand to prevent his secrets from being revealed to the world.

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the viewers. "It might not look it, but we're a day into the challenge at hour twenty-four. As we near the halfway point, we've already lost just over half the campers."

Thirty-eight images were displayed on the screen.

Chris appeared in front of them. "As our final three dozen struggle to stay up, some of the disqualified campers have been doing other things. Let's check in on them, shall we?"

* * *

 **Still in:**

 **Screaming Gophers: Sugar, Jo, Izzy,** **Alejandro, Ryan, Gwen, Emma, Sammy, Cody, Rodney, Owen, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Jasmine, Sky, Anne Maria, Lauren, Zoey, and Justin.  
**

 **Killer Bass: Bridgette, Courtney, Duncan, Eva, Zeke, Harold, Taylor, MacArthur, Brick, Ennui, Crimson, Kitty, Cameron, Dave, Shawn, and Sam.**

* * *

 _Hour Twenty-four, Disqualified_

Jacques grumbled to himself as he saw Rodney get pulled out of the enclosure. "It's not fair that that giant twit lasted longer than us. Now we're going to get the boot for sure!"

"Don't worry, _mon_ _ami_ , we'll think of a way out of this," Josee reassured him, before frowning. "Ugh! I hate this! Especially since that bozo is part of the Misfits' mega-alliance!"

"They are in an alliance?" Jacques asked, interested.

"Oh, I must've forgotten to tell you. I overheard Noah talking about it. Supposedly all the Misfits here have joined together to dominate the votes."

"Hm..." Then Jacques got an idea. An evil idea. "Josee, Rodney is in the Misfits, is he not?"

"Were you not listening? And besides, what use do we have of him?"

"I happen to know his romantic cluelessness has made more than a few girls...uncomfortable around him."

A grin grew across the face of the Passionate Ice Dancer. "Making him a guaranteed target for elimination."

Jacques then gasped. "But this is a staying-up contest! There's nothing stopping this from popularity determining the votes!"

"Don't you worry your pretty little head." Josee began chuckling darkly. "I know _exactly_ what's going to get him thrown out."

* * *

 **Confessional – Jacques.**

"The following is proof that when Josee wants something, she gets it," Jacques explained. "I'm very happy at how this plan of hers turned out." He clasped his hands together and sighed dreamily. "Oh, I love that girl."  


* * *

Josee waited patiently until she was certain Heather, who'd also recently been sent out, was asleep, and she was, lying against a tree (Chef wasn't particular where he left the sleeping campers, but he'd been told to keep them off of hard surfaces to avoid complaints from children's rights advocates). Momentarily grimacing as she grabbed the Queen Bee, Josee dragged her over before dropping her on top of Rodney, who she'd moved to a large, flat rock. As both were heavy sleepers, they didn't wake up. Josee left the scene to be discovered by the others...

* * *

 _Hour Thirty-three, Gopher Side_

Cody blinked heavily. "Eyes...why do you do this to me?"

"Maybe they've decided to rebel," Gwen suggested. "Either way, I'm pooped. Owen, how are you staying up?"

"I'm used to being awake after big meals," Owen replied honestly. "My metabolism is said to be one of the modern wonders of the world."

"And I wonder why I've managed to stay up as late as I have," Noah muttered. "Seriously, I feel like Mr. Sandman's gonna harass me at any second."

"And then you'll be kissing Cody's ear!" Izzy finished, clapping happily.

"Oh, come on! That was one time in seventh grade! And in my defense, I was dreaming about toast!"

"...Toast?" Emma asked Gwen.

"Oh, you have GOT to try DJ's homemade bread. It's literally one of the best things in the world."

"Toast..." Owen drooled, before finally collapsing, and lying there for ten seconds.

"Owen's out!" Chris (or rather, his robot duplicate), called.

"And watch out," Noah warned his teammates. "Owen will be out for a while if he hasn't gotten enough sleep. Plus, he sleeps in his underwear, and on top of that, he sleepwalks."

"Boy, that'll be fun," Jo muttered to herself.

A concerned Sierra looked at Cody. "So...when Noah was kissing your ear–"

* * *

On the other side of the island, the real Chris was going through the confessional tapes, and stopped momentarily, swearing he could hear Noah's aggravated scream.

But being the sadist he was, he paid no mind to it, and went back to looking at the confessionals, one of which caught his attention. "Ooh...this could be plot-convenient."

* * *

 _Hour Thirty-four, Bass Side_

Kitty groaned. "Ugh, I haven't stayed up this late since I played that hockey videogame for two weeks straight!"

"On the plus side, we gamers are more experienced with staying up this late," Sam offered.

"Yeah, I guess that's true...but I wish I didn't smell this bad. I need a shower."

"No shower is ever gonna wash the ugly off of your face," Taylor remarked.

"I'm watching you," MacArthur growled, doing the eyes-on-you gesture, to which Taylor rolled her eyes before flipping her off (her hand being pixelated in the event Noah's little cousins _were_ watching).

"How were you able to stay up this late?" Courtney asked Dave, as she was bored.

"I decided to remind myself of how many germs are in the dirt," he replied, shivering.

"Why are you so afraid of germs anyway?"

"I had a horrible staph infection when I was six. Ended up in the hospital for two weeks."

"Sheesh!" Courtney winced.

"Eh, that's nothing," Duncan said, sitting himself next to them. "I once got my ribs busted so bad it took them two months in the hospital to heal. Then when I got out, I got them busted all over again."

"Wow, that's...reckless," Courtney said. She hadn't heard that story before. "This is the exact reason I'm so strict with you, Duncan. I just want you to be safe, is all."

"Well try being less blunt about it," he retorted. Courtney rolled her eyes and tsked under her breath.

* * *

 _Hour Forty-one, Bass Side_

Noah groaned. "Why...so...hard..." and then collapsed.

Emma, meanwhile, was having problems of her own, and eventually couldn't stay upright.

"CHEF!" the Chris robot barked. "We got two more losers to take out!"

"Okay, okay! Y'don't have to scream!" Chef groaned from outside. He went in, dragged them out, and dumped them onto a nearby patch of grass. He was about to leave when he noticed something.

Emma and Noah, in their sleep, were now cuddling involuntarily.

Chef chuckled to himself. "Heh heh...kids."

* * *

 _Disqualified  
_

At last, Rodney and Heather awoke. They quickly realized their compromising situation and screamed.

"I am so sorry, miss!" Rodney gulped. "I thought I was somewhere else!"

"Who cares! Get away from me, loser!" Heather shrieked in reply, quickly running away.

Rodney scratched the back of his head. "I don't remember being on that rock originally," he said to himself.

Footsteps. Rodney turned his head and found a very angry Jen glaring at him.

"I knew you were trouble," she hissed. "You're _definitely_ getting my vote tonight."

Rodney gulped in fear.

* * *

 **Confessional – Jen.**

"Rodney appears to be a womanizer," Jen spat. "I definitely think he tried to cuddle with a girl who wasn't his own. I'm going to tell Tom to help me eliminate that pig."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"Pfft. Ignore Jen, she's just worked up over those scandals in her home country," Heather scoffed, "many of which are just lies from women who want attention from the media outlets. But I know for a fact that I was sleeping somewhere else. I was moved to make it seem like Rodney was harassing me so he'd be voted off. And I know that Alejandro, manipulative as he is, does have standards." She grimaced at the camera. "But I know for a fact that Jacques and Josee DO NOT. I wouldn't put it past Josee for trying to eliminate people she dislikes in a way that also humiliates me. I'll definitely be telling Scott to vote for her."  


* * *

 _Hour Forty-nine_

Only a minute remained before the end of the challenge. On the Gopher side, Sierra, Jasmine, and Ryan. On the Bass side, Duncan, Ennui, and Crimson.

"Well well, looks like we're three-to-three," Chris said through the loudspeakers. "C'mon, someone fall asleep already, I really don't want to go into overtime."

"Overtime?!" Ryan exclaimed. The thought was so horrifying that he fainted from shock.

"Okay, scratch that, two to three!"

A few more seconds ticked. Finally, the clocks clicked, 49:59:59 dramatically thunking into 50:00:00. They powered down, and the enclosure completely withdrew into the ground. While no one was looking, the real Chris came and hid the robot inside his podium.

"All right, looks like the Killer Bass win!" Chris announced. "You get...nothing! I guess it's good that it's the middle of the day, otherwise you'd have to stay up even longer to vote. No, you guys can finally, really sleep."

"Can we at least get something to eat first?" Duncan complained.

"Yes, I suppose so. In the meantime, you guys figure out what to do. Screaming Gophers, I'm talking to you."

Sierra and Jasmine had also fallen asleep.

Chris sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Meet me at the campfire at eight, Screaming Gophers, someone's going home."

* * *

 _Misfit Alliance  
_

Owen was as heavy a sleeper as Noah had said he was. The massive teen was still asleep and no amount of poking would change that. Not that anyone wanted to poke someone weighing over 200 pounds and wearing underwear that left little to the imagination.

Well, almost not anyone.

"Isabelle, I don't think that's a good idea," Ella said cautiously as Izzy, every few seconds, poked her boyfriend on the nose. "I've heard many tales about sleepwalkers being angry once awoken."

"Oh, please! Those are just old wives' tales. And Izzy is no old wife!" Izzy replied, then went right back to poking. "Hey, I got a booger!"

"There's no use in trying to get her to stop, you know," Beth said to Ella. To Jay, she asked, "So what do we do about them?"

"Them" being Noah and Emma, who were still asleep and were basically canoodling clothed.

"I don't know," he replied. "I kinda just want to let them lie there and let nature take its course. What say you, B?"

B held up a hand and counted down to one with his fingers.

Noah was having the bread dream again, and began gently nibbling on Emma's ear. It didn't feel clammy and greasy like Cody's (which was what had woken him up that day to jeers of backwards boys and coos from the yaoi fangirls), but softer, warmer...nicer.

Emma giggled in her sleep. Jake had never been this intimate with her. Frankly, he wasn't intimate with her at all, which in hindsight should've been taken as a sign that he didn't really love her.

Both of them opened their eyes just for a brief moment, realized what was happening, and screamed.

"I'm so sorry! I was having the bread dream again!" Noah spluttered.

"No, no, it's okay, I should've moved over," Emma replied, turning red from embarrassment. Then she noticed her alliance and her eyes shrunk. "Please don't mention this to anyone!"

"We weren't planning on it," Ella replied calmly. "That would be ill-willed of us."

"We just wanted to know who you wanted out," Beth explained. "I was thinking Scott, 'cuz he dodged elimination back in Germany by rigging the votes."

"Yeah, that's definitely going to be a problem in the future," Noah said quickly. "Scott's fine with me. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go scream."

As Noah left, in the back of the huddle a concerned Mike turned to look at Kitty. "Your sister seemed really frightened when we found her."

"Yeah, she's got a huge phobia of being humiliated," Kitty sighed. "It's a long and sad story how she developed it. You probably don't want to hear it."

"Um, hello? Boy of many minds here. I'll be able to empathize." Mike put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Kitty smiled. "You guys really are the best group in school."

* * *

Noah returned to the campfire pit and screamed at the sky. He was about to leave when he found something in the ground. It was Carrie's immunity idol, which had been buried in the ground but was upheaved by the enclosure. He quickly pocketed it so he could hide it with Owen's. Then he started to leave again.

"Noah!"

"[D word]," Noah cursed. He turned around. "Chris, what do you want?"

"Oh, nothing, just noticing your little escapade back there. You seem to be down on your luck. Want some help?"

"No."

Chris was taken aback. "What?"

"I've learned enough about reality TV from Sierra and Topher running their mouths to have full mastery of its tropes. And when the host helps one of the players, bad things happen. So no offense to you, but I'm in no need of your services. Good day, sir." And he left.

Chris grumbled to himself. "He's even smarter than I thought he was..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Scott.**

"Heather told me that Josee should be sent away," Scott explained as he wrote JOSEE on a piece of paper. "I dunno why, but I remember what she said about me bein' a target."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Josee.**

"The plan is working perfectly," Josee boasted. "Time for the Misfits to start going back to where they belong: OUT of the spotlight!" She wrote RODNEY on a piece of paper and cackled evilly.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

Owen was still asleep. He faceplanted on his piece of paper. When he lifted his head, the stain created by his drool read SCOTT.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"It took me a while to remember my plan from two days ago...sheesh, it's really been two days, hasn't it?" Cody said. "But I'm going to go for Heather, like I said I would." He wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do our eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one, and once again, we got a lot." Thirty-seven marshmallows sat on the plate, a record ten of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got, because drama, unlike you lot, never sleeps. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Sugar, Jo, Izzy, Scarlett, Tom, Lorenzo, Max, Jacques, Ryan, Miles, Laurie, Devin, Emma, Trent, Sammy, Cody, Brady, Lindsay, Junior, Leshawna, Noah, Jen, Jasmine, Lauren, Zoey, Justin, and...hey, where's Owen?"

Owen sleepwalked into the campfire pit, retrieved the last white marshmallow, and left.

Chris grimaced. "That's gonna haunt my nightmares." But he soon put on his standard chipper face and pointed to the blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Gwen, Alejandro, Beth, Sierra, and Sky, I believe these belong to you."

They quietly got their marshmallows. Off to the side, Trent whispered to Justin "How come Sugar managed to avoid getting any votes this time?" to which the Hawaiian teen had no answer and simply shrugged.

Chris pointed to the three green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Anne Maria and Heather, three votes. Josee, seven votes."

"You've got to be kidding me," Josee seethed.

Emma facepalmed. "WHY didn't we vote for her?" she groaned under her breath.

"I'm asking myself the same question," Noah agreed.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Rodney. Scott."

The two looked at him.

"Rodney, today you got caught up in someone else's evil scheme, which worked." Everyone who voted for him gasped on the realization he was innocent. "Scott, you've done some evil schemes yourself, which also worked. So who will be going home for their misdeeds, both real and framed?...

...

...

...

...

"For the first time on Total Drama, we have a tie, as both boys got nine votes against them!"

"A tie?!" Max exclaimed. "So does that mean they're both out?"

"What? No! Double eliminations are bad for ratings. It's why I don't do them. No, Rodney and Scott get an extra-special tiebreaker challenge.

* * *

"And what better way to break a tie in a sleep-themed challenge than with a pillow fight?" Chris handed Scott and Rodney each a pillow; Scott's was noticeably heavier. "The rules are simple. Smack each other silly with a pillow until one of you is knocked to the ground and can't get up in three seconds. Begin!"

The two boys began. Rodney wasn't tiring due to his greater strength and was effortlessly bopping Scott in the head. But once Scott managed to lift his pillow, he quickly slammed it into the bigger teen's gut, winding him and sending Rodney to the ground.

"One. Two. Three! Rodney is out! Anything you have to say for yourself?"

"Sorry if I made you nervous, ladies," Rodney groaned in pain.

* * *

After Rodney was gone, the camera briefly focused on Scott's pillow. The cover had slipped down a little, revealing it was, in fact, a sandbag in disguise.

The implications were obvious to everyone:

Chris had rigged the tiebreaker in Scott's favor.

Chris wanted the Misfits out quickly.

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

Noah put his face in his hands. "I can't believe we lost a member already...Emma's right, we SHOULD have voted for Josee."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Jen.**

"Cody explained everything to me once Rodney was gone," Jen sighed. "I feel horrible. I mean, I didn't even bother getting to know him! Maybe I _am_ shallow..."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sammy.**

"Two challenges with Amy on another team," Sammy noted. "Wow. I don't want to keep my hopes up, but this could be really good if it stays like this. I really liked some of the people I've been meeting thanks to this show. Gwen's not as bad as Heather says she is, Devin's cool, Trent's pretty helpful, and Cody's a really sweet guy."  


* * *

Chris stood at the pit. "Eleven down. Seventy-three remain. Who's going to wake up to a new day and who will have their dreams of a million big ones crushed into tiny little pieces? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Then Chris himself fell asleep on the ground, unable to stay awake anymore due to spending so much time watching the confessionals.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Heather** **– Josee  
**

 **Sugar – Beth  
**

 **Jo – Josee  
**

 **Izzy – Scott  
**

 **Scarlett – Josee  
**

 **Tom – Rodney  
**

 **Lorenzo – Rodney  
**

 **Max – Josee  
**

 **Alejandro – Scott  
**

 **Jacques – Rodney  
**

 **Josee – Rodney  
**

 **Ryan – Scott  
**

 **Gwen – Heather  
**

 **Miles – Anne Maria  
**

 **Laurie – Anne Maria  
**

 **Devin – Scott  
**

 **Emma – Scott  
**

 **Trent – Josee  
**

 **Sammy – Jacques  
**

 **Cody – Heather  
**

 **Rodney – Alejandro  
**

 **Beth – Sierra  
**

 **Brady – Scott  
**

 **Scott – Josee  
**

 **Lindsay – Rodney  
**

 **Owen – Scott  
**

 **Junior – Sky  
**

 **Leshawna – Heather  
**

 **Noah – Scott  
**

 **Sierra – Gwen  
**

 **Jen – Rodney  
**

 **Jasmine – Rodney  
**

 **Sky – Rodney  
**

 **Anne Maria – Rodney  
**

 **Lauren – Josee  
**

 ** **Zoey – Anne Maria  
****

 **Justin – Scott  
**

 **Results: 9-9-7-3-3-1-1-1-1-1 Rodney-Scott-Josee-Heather-Anne Maria-Gwen-Sierra-Sky-Beth-Alejandro  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t)  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (5)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

Owen finally woke up in the middle of the night. "Huh? Where am I?" He looked down, realized he was in his underwear, and covered himself with a bush, chuckling at the camera sheepishly.


	18. 1-12:A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste

**I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!**

 **Review time!:**

 **Yeezynight14: Just a reminder that Chris is the true antagonist of the story.**

 **Guest: Dude...dudette...whatever you are...wait your turn.**

 **Guest: I'm fine, just incredibly busy. Working in as many fandoms as I do has that as its biggest downside. You wouldn't BELIEVE how many universes I've had to travel through yesterday alone. Plus, I've had recurring issues with hand pain that are making it hard for me to write.**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I think the people who do the recommendations aren't as active as we'd like. I hope it** ** _does_** **end up with the greats; it'll certainly be long enough, for I had my staff do the math and this story's estimated final length is about 669,000 words. Yeesh. It's certainly the longest thing** ** _I've_** **ever written. And who's to say Cody and Sammy** ** _didn't_** **talk to each other? Remember, Chris is the producer and director of the show. He most likely omitted those clips because they didn't fit with his idea of what makes for good ratings.**

 **Codammy Forever: Thanks! Although I will have to remind you that Nemma is still the main pairing of the story.**

 **Great Idea Alert: Thanks! Yeah, I was planning on a Christmas-themed challenge for that time of year. A formal would probably be part of it. Don't worry, Cody's sticking around for quite a while, and I may not even adapt that episode, I'm not sure yet. As for the birthday thing, I'll definitely try to work something out.**

 **AlienGhostWizard14: Thanks!**

 **Important note: there aren't actually going to be separate fanfictions for the "seasons", this thing is long enough already. The seasons are in-universe divisions of the series Total Drama that I use to sort the chapters. Season One is challenges 1-21, Season Two is challenges 22-42, Season Three is challenges 43-63, Season Four is challenges 64-74, and the final nine challenges make up Season Five. Aftermaths occur after every sixth challenge.**

* * *

 _Friday, October 13, 2017_

"Huh? What?" a drowsy Chris asked, barely awake. An orange-haired intern, Carly, whispered into his ear, and Chris immediately got to his feet. "Oh! We're live!" The clips started rolling as Chris voiced them over. "Last time on Total Drama – we pulled the biggest all-nighter ever! [The passage of time] For fifty hours nonstop did our contestants have to stay awake. And to make it extra-hard, I tired them out beforehand. [Clip of the marathon, cutting to the feast] Now, you'd think this sort of challenge would end up in our two teams voting based on popularity, [previously unseen footage of Cody glaring at Heather without her noticing] but two teens had other ideas. Taking advantage of some recent hysteria, Jacques and Josee [the two of them talking] put together a plan to cut Noah's Misfit Mega-Alliance [Noah and Emma being woken up] down to size. While also embarrassing Josee's nemesis and unpopular in general diva Heather at the same time. [Josee moving Rodney and Heather into position] It worked, but Scott also ended up on the hot seat for _his_ scheming ways. [Footage of Scott rigging the votes in Germany] We ended up with our first tie, after which our first tiebreaker sent Rodney home. [Rodney's elimination] Can't say that I miss him, because I don't."

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Seventy-three contestants remain. Who will strike media gold and who will rust into obscurity? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Screaming Gophers_

Josee awoke to a properly mad Emma staring at her. She shrieked. "Do you not know the meaning of personal space?!"

"I do, but obviously you don't know the meaning of decency," Emma retorted. "I know what you did to Rodney. I didn't vote for you; I voted for Scott. But I'm going to warn you just once." She inched closer and bared her teeth at Josee, who was for once a little frightened.

" **Do. Not. Mess. With. My. Friends.** "

* * *

 **Confessional – Josee.**

Josee rocked back and forth in the fetal position.

* * *

 **Confessional – Kitty.**

"After Emma's...incident last summer," Kitty began, "she's gotten really overprotective. I mean, sometimes it's a good thing, like what you saw back there, but lately she's been keeping me from having any fun." She got an irritated look on her face. "I mean, I understand _why_ she's acting this way, but would it kill her to move on already?"

* * *

"Y'know, I'm actually a little worried," Devin mentioned to Brady in the mess hall. "It's Friday the 13th today."

"It is? Oh no! I don't want to be eliminated!" Brady exclaimed. "Man, Friday the 13ths are always unlucky!"

"That's not actually true, guys," Gwen said bluntly. "That whole myth started because some guys were trying to _disprove_ superstitions on that day, not prove them. And they lived, so yeah." She sighed. "Although I agree, Chef's cooking seems a little _too_ deliberately bad for today."

"Chris kept him up too late, though," Devin pointed out.

Gwen chewed her lip in thought. "Yeah, you're probably right. Listen, I gotta go check on the new kid Zoey and see how she's doing. See you in the challenge."

She walked by Duncan's table, The Delinquent taking the time to check her out. Thankfully for him, Courtney hadn't gotten up yet.

"Ay! Move yah butt!"

Unfortunately, someone else had, and Duncan groaned as he scooted over to make room for Anne Maria.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"Anne Maria is almost as vain and lazy as Taylor. A better heart, but that won't save her. I agree with Duncan, she is dead weight and needs to leave now." He shook his head. "People like that only get in the way of the good competitors such as myself."

* * *

About an hour later, everyone was called to meet at Five-Larch Point, so named because there were five larches growing out of a small hill in the far west of the island.

"So," Chris began, "does anyone want to guess today's challenge?"

"Are we going back to the Climate Hall?" Harold asked.

"Nope!"

"Is it another sports competition? Because the Sha-Lightning is gonna own y'all!" Lightning boasted.

"Stow it, Brightning," Jo grumbled. Lightning glared at her.

"Would we be going back to the theater?" Jazz asked. "I've been itching to do a writing challenge as of late."

"Nah, the next theater challenge's not for a while." Jazz pouted. "Instead, we're going somewhere new. BEHOLD!"

Chris pressed a button on his omnipresent remote, and suddenly the ground underneath their feet began to let out a metallic groan. A massive set of doors rose out of the grass, revealing a dark corridor lined with dirt and rock on either side.

"This bad boy right here is the Drama Mine," Chris said with an evil grin. "Have you beheld it enough yet?"

"Yeah, we're good," Tyler said casually.

"Go down this narrow, twisting tube and you'll end up in a naturally-occurring cavern that I've repurposed for our underground challenges," Chris explained. "For this particular event, I have hidden some Gilded Chris awards somewhere in the network of tubes leading out from the main area." He showed a picture of a little yellow statue that looked like himself. Its base was painted a dark, rich blue. "Along the way to the Gilded Chris' are various Silver Chef medallions." He showed a picture of a large, coinlike object with Chef's trademark scowl stamped into it. "Both of these are worth points. The medallions are worth one point each, the Gilded Chris' ten each. Whichever one of our four teams gets the most points by finding the most statues and medallions when I call time wins the challenge. Whoever gets the least votes someone out.

"Now for the teams. We will have three teams of eighteen and one team of nineteen. Each team is color-coded, like the base of your Gilded Chris'. You can only present the Chris' of your team's color or those points will not be counted in your total. When I call your names, separate out.

"Izzy, Jo, Heather, Courtney, Scott, Jacques, Josee, Miles, Laurie, Sierra, Leshawna, Cody, Harold, Beardo, Junior, Amy, Sammy, and MacArthur, you are the Radiant Rubies! Your color is red.

"Noah, Owen, Ennui, Sam, Zoey, Mike, Zeke, Geoff, Ella, Lightning, Anne Maria, Gwen, Mary, Katie, Sadie, Tyler, Dawn, and Lindsay, you are the Stunning Sapphires! Your color is blue.

"Jen, Tom, Lorenzo, Max, Alejandro, Devin, Ryan, Brady, Duncan, Emma, Trent, Beth, Stephanie, Topher, Brody, Shawn, Bridgette, and Jasmine, you are the Daring Diamonds! Your color is yellow."

"Yellow? Diamonds ain't yellow," Anne Maria objected.

"Actually, the majority of diamonds are yellow due to nitrogen impurities developed during their formation," Cameron explained.

"Yeah, plus the white paint wouldn't stick to the bases," Chris added. Then he leered at Cameron. "Funny _you_ should speak up, Cam. You and everyone else are the Easy Emeralds! Your color is green."

"Easy?!" Justin asked. "You give everyone else better superlatives, and all we get is 'easy'?!"

"From a geological standpoint, emeralds aren't as hard as the others," Scarlett explained.

"Yeah, plus green is like, not as good as the primary colors," Chris added. "I only gave you the numeric advantage out of pity."

* * *

 **Confessional – The Nerdinator.**

I threw my hands up in the air. **"Congratulations Total Drama, you've badmouthed green! First Rebecca Sugar, and now** ** _YOU_** **."**

* * *

 **Radiant Rubies: Izzy, Jo, Heather, Courtney, Scott, Jacques, Josee, Miles, Laurie, Sierra, Leshawna, Cody, Harold, Junior, Beardo, Amy, Sammy, and MacArthur.**

 **Stunning Sapphires: Noah, Owen, Ennui, Sam, Zoey, Mike, Zeke, Geoff, Ella, Lightning, Anne Maria, Gwen, Mary, Katie, Sadie, Tyler, Dawn, and Lindsay.**

 **Daring Diamonds: Jen, Tom, Lorenzo, Max, Alejandro, Devin, Ryan, Brady, Duncan, Emma, Trent, Beth, Stephanie, Topher, Brody, Shawn, Bridgette, and Jasmine.**

 **Easy Emeralds: Sugar, Scarlett, Sky, Lauren, Justin, Eva, Carrie, Sanders, Brick, B, Crimson, Kitty, Cameron, Mickey, Jay, Dave, Jazz, Taylor, and DJ.**

* * *

"Now start going down!"

* * *

 _Stunning Sapphires_

"I don't want to do this," Gwen gulped. "Million dollars or not, this is reckless and life-threatening."

"So is literally almost everything else here," Noah pointed out, deadpan.

"You know what I think?" Ennui asked monotonously. Before Gwen could say anything, he answered his own question. "We're all going to see the face of death eventually, to enter its gaping maw and never return. But every time we get close to its face, we grow used to it, and some day, it can no longer scare us."

Gwen smiled. "Well, when you put it that way, you're pretty convincing. Lemme guess, you're going to be a philosophy major?"

"Yes."

With renewed vigor, Gwen jumped down the hole.

* * *

It actually wasn't that bad. The bottom of the ramp was smooth, and it felt more like an amusement park ride than a deathtrap. In fact, many of the teens were whooping happily as they slid down to the bottom.

* * *

The Stunning Sapphires made it down first. "Hey, where's–" Mike began, before Owen rolled down the ramp onto the bottom, right on top of an inattentive Katie. "Never mind, he's here."

Owen hastily got up. "Sorry," he said nervously. "I tried to stop, but it didn't work."

"I can figure that out," Katie grunted, staggering to her feet.

"Katie! Are you okay?" Sadie exclaimed, taking her best friend's hand.

"I've been through worse. Remember that time the football team dogpiled me?"

"Oh yeah! I remember that," Tyler chuckled. "They thought you were me for some reason. Can't understand why."

"'Cuz you got da body of a tootpick, squirt," Anne Maria explained.

"Oh...hey!"

"Anyway!" Noah barked, getting everyone's attention. "We don't know everything about this challenge yet. Knowing Chris, he's too obsessed with his hair's wellbeing to come down here."

* * *

 **Confessional – Chris.**

"It's true," Chris shrugged nonchalantly.

* * *

"So I suggest we get to the main corridor or something so we can find out more. That sound good?"

As everyone left, Noah walked up to Sam. "When the Radiant Rubies come, I want you to find Cody and get him to bring his team over."

"What for?"

"I have an idea on how we might be able to win."

"Really?"

"Hey, I'm not labeled The Scheming Cynic for nothing."

* * *

 _Easy Emeralds_

Jay winced as he rubbed his sore rear. "I don't think I've ever had a wedgie that bad," he groaned.

"Me either," Mickey agreed. "Guess we should've packed a different set of underpants. One that doesn't ride up all the time."

"Oh, quit your whinin'! It can't hurt that bad!" Sugar snapped. "Anywho, where the [f word] are we s'posed to go?"

"While I don't appreciate the language, miss, I do agree that we should find out where we're to meet for our instructions," Brick said. "Any ideas?"

"There's most likely a large cavern somewhere down this path," Scarlett mused. "After all, we're having no trouble breathing, so there's bound to be an immense pocket of air somewhere nearby."

"So what are we waiting for?" Eva grunted. "C'mon, let's go! The sooner we get there, the sooner we can make Chris regret giving us this crappy team name. I mean, emeralds are tough, sharp, and pretty badly toxic if ingested. Why not prove Chris wrong? That green truly is the best color."

Her team nodded, and followed their newly-decided-on captain to their destination.

* * *

The main cavern was positively enormous, able to fit a four-story, 4800-square-foot house inside with room to spare. Joseph the intern stood in the middle, with the teens gathered around him.

"Okay," he said. "Each team gets a bag for loot." He distributed four large burlap bags with the team's gem stitched into it.

One bag had a deep, ocean blue round-cut sapphire.

The next had a moody red pear-cut ruby.

Another had a soothingly green emerald-cut, well, emerald.

And the Daring Diamonds, who'd shown up last, got a bag with the stitched portrait of a trilliant-cut diamond that looked as though it were made of golden glass.

"You each also get miner's helmets to supplant the light fixtures, and picks and emergency radios in the event of a cave-in," he added.

Once everyone had their things, Joseph said, "Alright, now start going into the tunnels. No rules on staying together with your team or helping others. Be back here in two hours."

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance_

The Guy's Alliance had gone off by themselves into one of the tunnels, separated from the rest of their team. Alejandro mumbled to himself in Spanish as he ran his hands along a patch of loose rocks in the wall.

"Chris has most likely hidden the items in locations such as this," he said. "Unfortunately, even with my muscles I cannot dislodge these rocks. Ryan, can you handle these?"

"Of course, dude," Ryan replied, walking over and easily hefting the rocks out of the way. Behind them were three medallions.

"Like I said, hidden under the rocks," Alejandro said proudly.

Devin cringed as he picked them up. "It's so uncanny how they got Chef's face so...accurate."

" _Si, es muy espantoso_ ," Alejandro replied, a little cautiously.

"You okay?" Duncan asked.

"The Rubies and Sapphires went together. I am certain Noah is going to attempt to use his alliance to dominate the challenge."

"Well, look on the bright side, dude. He's not here to corral anyone on our team who'd be with him, plus he's stuck with Anne Maria."

Alejandro chuckled. "I forgot that. Wonder how he's faring."

* * *

 _Radiant Rubies and Stunning Sapphires_

 _Geek and Misfit Alliances_

"So, let me get this straight. You want us to work together?" Cody asked Noah.

"Yeah. I don't want to share the stupid trinkets with you guys or anything, I just think we'd need some extra eyes to keep us safe."

"Sounds fair, but what's in it for me?"

"...I mean, I know she deserved it, but seriously, Cora's elimination in Extreme Chess: Pillar Edition was way too harsh," Sierra was heard saying.

"Uh...yeah, really don't care," Jo was heard replying.

"See? I can help you get her off your tail. If your team _does_ lose, I'll tell the Misfits on it to vote for Sierra."

"Deal," Cody said, stretching out his hand. Noah shook it. "You aren't going to sabotage us, are you?"

"Nope. But I figured, hey, a ruby's just a red sapphire, we may as well help them."

"Words to live by," Cody laughed.

* * *

Elsewhere, Anne Maria was spraying her hair for the umpteenth time that day. "Oh my gag, do you mind? I'm trying NOT to die of cancer!" Amy snapped.

"You's just jelly that you ain't got mah style," Anne Maria replied.

"Okay, THAT'S IT, you're going down!" Amy attempted to pounce on her, only for MacArthur and Sanders to restrain her. "Hey, lemme at her!"

As the scene unfolded in front of her Mike sighed and rubbed his temples. "I'm just glad she's not begging for Vito," he muttered.

"Vito? Who's he?" Mike opened his eyes and saw a red-haired girl he didn't think he knew.

"Uh...you know my personalities?"

"Yeah, I was made aware of it."

"Well, I have five counting myself, and two of them haven't come out on this trip yet. Vito's one of them. He's an Italian tough guy who's really aggressive and talks smack a lot. I think he was inspired by me watching _Joisey Beach_ one time when I was little or something. Anne Maria has a HUGE crush on him; the feeling's not mutual, but she doesn't know it."

"Oh. Are all your personalities based on TV characters?"

"Not all of them," Mike explained, "but the last one you haven't met is. He's an Australian explorer named Manitoba Smith. Confident, bold, bit of a womanizer. He came from a movie I saw once."

"Cool," the girl said. "Sorry if I didn't introduce myself; I'm Zoey, the Indie Chick."

"You like indie music? I never got a chance to listen to it, though I've heard good things about it. You write any songs?"

"I'm not much of a writer, more of a listener."

"Yeah, that basically describes me and music too."

* * *

Through a tablet, Chris watched the scene from the opening of the ramp with a contemptuous scowl on his face. "Ah, young love. How sick you make me. C'mon, I want PAIN!"

Suddenly, he saw Owen get shoved to the side by Lightning when the latter found a rubine Gilded Chris, resulting in Owen banging his head against the wall of the tunnel, causing rocks to fall and close off the exit.

"THAT'S more like it!" Chris laughed. "Will the Corundum Syndicate rock out of this one? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "The Corundums are in a conundrum, the Diamonds are staying sharp, but what happened to the Emeralds?"

* * *

 _Easy Emeralds_

 _Misfit Mega-Alliance_

The tremor had been felt by everyone. "I didn't like the sound of that," Carrie shuddered. "Do you think there was a cave-in?"

"Probably," Kitty replied, also nervous. "I hope it wasn't where Emma is."

"What happened to her, anyway? I mean, no one can possibly be that nervous about being embarrassed," Eva added.

"It's...deep-rooted. Can you guys keep a secret?"

"Sure," Carrie said casually.

Kitty took a deep breath in and began to explain.

* * *

Suddenly, the feed stopped, and Chris jumped in front of the camera. "Just so we're clear, this show isn't about them," he said, crossing out their faces with a red marker. "It's about MY vision!" He drew an arrow pointing to himself, then scribbled over their faces some more. "And what I want to do is to see how the Sapphires and Rubies are going, so CHANGE CAMERAS ALREADY!"

* * *

 _Corundum Syndicate_

"Oh gosh! We're trapped!" Harold started hyperventilating. "Now we're not going to make it to the finale, and I'm never going to start my own camp like Master Steve, and–"

Josee slapped him upside the head. Hard. "Shut up already! Panicking won't get you anywhere. Now, how are we going to get out?"

"Well, there's a little hole right at the top," Geoff mentioned, noticing an opening just large enough for a human body that the rocks had yet to cover. "We need someone who can both climb a lot of rocks AND is super duper skinny." He looked around. "Zeke?"

"Nah, eh, I'm noo good with that kind o' thing, clamberin' without trying to fall on me head," Zeke replied.

"Amy?"

"Not in these clothes I'm not," she scoffed. "Send Samey."

"We're wearing the same outfits though!" Sammy exclaimed. "Oh, why do I even bother..."

"I could do it," Cody offered. "I mean, I'm definitely the right size for it."

"Sorry dude, but I can't let you do that," Geoff said, shaking his head. "You're smart, you're too valuable to lose."

"I'm smarter, but no one ever gives ME any credit," Noah muttered. Owen patted his shoulder, then thought.

"Hey! What about Mike? He knows Svetlana better than any of us!" Everyone turned to Mike, then to Owen. "What if we let Svetlana get out and call for help? I mean, the radios aren't working–"

"I _knew_ Chris was cheap," Heather grumbled.

"–and we only have one person who can do this. Mike, get Svetlana. Please. For our sake."

"I'll try, but...she only triggers in athletic events...hm..."

While Mike tried to coax his last remaining female personality out, Anne Maria had other things planned. "We don't need dat veggie-lovin' ballerina!"

"Um, she's a gymnast–"

"What we need is a certain tough boy!" With that, she forcefully yanked Mike's shirt off.

Mike gasped. His hair slicked itself back. Muscles most people didn't even know were there suddenly became present, puffing out of his skinny stomach and arms. His eyes narrowed, a contemptuous scowl on his face.

"Ayo!" Vito shouted, a stereotypical South Jersey Sicilian accent adorning his voice. "Would one of you palookas care to 'splain why I'm here?"

Anne Maria's legs jittered with excitement. "It's him!" she squeaked.

Everyone else groaned. Vito wasn't exactly...likeable.

"We need you to go through that hole in the top of those rocks and get help," Courtney said, slowly to make sure he got it.

"And what's in it for me if I do?" Vito asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We'll have an easier time winning this competition if we're alive. I shudder to think how far the other teams have gotten."

* * *

 _Daring Diamonds_

"Hey–" Lorenzo picked up a Gilded Chris, only to find that its base was green. "Aw, man!"

He tossed it behind his back, not noticing B sneak up behind him, pick up the statue, and leave as quietly as he came.

* * *

Vito shrugged. "Eh, I s'pose I could lend a hand or two. But make no mistake, I don't need you chumps."

"Neither do we," Jo retorted.

Vito hefted some of the rocks aside so he could have an easier time climbing up the pile, which he did, and safely escaped the cavern.

"What a guy," Anne Maria sighed, fainting happily.

"How long before he gets into a fight with someone?" Noah groaned to himself.

* * *

 _Outside_

Not very long, it turned out. Vito had been jogging to the center chamber when he ran into Duncan, knocking both onto their backs. "Ayo! Watch where you're going, dumb[a word]!" Then he frowned. "You? I thought you'd be in the slammer again by now."

"You of all people have no right to say that," Duncan snarled, getting back up.

Vito rapidly stood up too and got in his face. "Hey, I had no say in what Mal did, and you know it! Don't go blamin' me for something that son of a [b word] did in my body!"

 _"OUR body," Mike corrected him in his mind._

 _"Ah, shaddap."_ Vito glared back at Duncan, who'd drawn a knife from his pocket.

"Duncan!" Alejandro barked from behind him. "Leave him. We need to win."

"Fine by me." Duncan smirked at Vito. "Next time, send your original to me. I need to...pay him back some things I owe him."

* * *

 **First Alternate Confessional – Vito.**

Vito groaned. "I hate Duncan SO. MUCH. I swear dat guy's parta da reason Mal even exists. But you didn't hear dat from me, al'ight?"

* * *

 _Center Chamber_

"Ten minutes until time's up!" Joseph called out.

The Daring Diamonds and Easy Emeralds began making their way out of the various tunnels they'd gone through, their sacks weighed down by the loot they'd uncovered.

"Kitty!" Kitty turned her head and got pulled into an unexpected embrace from her sister. "Thank goodness you're okay! I thought you were trapped in the cave-in!"

"Emmaaaaaa!" Kitty blushed. "You're embarrassing me!"

"I know that feel," Devin said sympathetically. "My father tries too hard to fit in with Generation Z. It's kinda sad, actually. Wait, I shouldn't have said that on live TV!" He ran over to the camera and tried to pull on it. "How do you get the batteries out of this thing?"

The Xins looked on, confused, but it gave Kitty a change to wiggle out of her sister's arms. "Wait," Emma said. "If you're here and I'm here–" she gasped on realization. "The Sapphires and Rubies! They must be the ones trapped!"

"As one o' dem, I can confoim dat," an unfamiliar voice agreed. Emma saw one of Mike's other personalities (Vito, she think Mike had called him) approach. "We's stuck in da cave-in. Well, they are."

"Aren't you going to help them?" Emma asked quizzically, raising an eyebrow.

"Why should I? I'm stronga den five of dem put togetha. I don't need dem." Vito crossed his arms. "I could win this stupid game all by myself."

"I don't think so," Emma replied, angry, before turning around and huffing as she left.

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

Emma sighed. "I hope they're alright..."

* * *

 _Corundum Syndicate_

Back in the cave, Anne Maria had decided to entertain (and I use the term loosely) the others with her useless gossip. Sierra was pretty much the only person getting anything out of it, avidly taking notes with a pad and pencil, with a backup pencil behind her ear. Everyone else just wanted it to end.

Junior groaned. "Why? What did I do to deserve this?" Far behind him, MacArthur was repeatedly smacking her head into the wall with a regular, staccato beat.

"I'm asking myself the same question, kid," Scott agreed.

"'Kid?!' I'm only two years younger than you!" the Ambitious Freshman protested.

Scott smirked. "Age is just a number."

"Funny you of all people are calling others out for immaturity, Scott," Gwen mused.

"What do ya–" Suddenly it clicked, and Scott grimaced. "Now hold on just a–"

"I'll have to agree with Gwen on this one," Courtney interrupted. "Part of why we broke up was that I wanted someone more mature than you were, even before the shark attack."

"Oh yeah," Scott remembered.

Courtney folded her arms. "Maturity is a big deal for me."

"Same," Gwen agreed. "I mean, you have to let loose every once in a while, but some people really do need to grow up."

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"Courtney's actually pretty cool," Gwen said. "We never really talked much in school, even though we had the same homeroom. I guess it's because she hangs around Heather, since Heather's one of the few people she feels comfortable venting to." She shrugged. "I think I'd like to get to know her some more. Guess I really should try to eliminate Heather, huh?" Then she frowned. "In all honesty though, I'm probably gonna vote out Lightning if my team loses, because he's technically responsible for this mess in the first place. Sure, Ennui helped me get over my fear of being buried alive a little, but what Lightning did kinda undid all the progress I'd made."

* * *

Anne Maria had been filing her nails, which she'd painted a metallic rose purple to match her shirt, and was about to carelessly throw her file away.

"Don't!" Miles protested.

"What is it now? I'm gonna mess wit da natral ordah?" Anne Maria teased.

"No. First off, don't litter. Secondly, we're in an unstable cave system. One false move could send the whole thing down!"

"Nah, you're just being paranormal."

"The word is 'paranoid', you imbecile!" Jacques shouted from where he was standing.

Anne Maria didn't care and tossed the offending piece of wood behind her shoulder. But for once, Miles was right. The file bounced off a loose patch of rocks, and more of the cave's roof began to crumble.

The rocks began to fall.

Zoey did what any sane person would do and screamed.

* * *

 _Outside_

Vito gasped. His bangs perked back up and his muscles disappeared. "Huh?" Mike blinked, before noticing his shirt was gone. "Uh..." he chuckled nervously, trying to cover himself. Cameron gave him an extra shirt. "Thanks buddy. Was Vito out?"

"Yeah," Cameron replied, "and I think we could figure out who's responsible."

Mike sighed. "What am I going to do about her, Cam? Also, how am I back?"

"When you hear someone you trust in trouble, the presence of an alternate is automatically overridden."

"Oh, of course. Wait, that must mean my team's in trouble!"

"Eh, ignore 'em. You gotta focus on winnin'," Sugar said dismissively. "'Sides, how's a doofus like you gonna help them?"

Mike furrowed his brow. Then he spoke, determination and certainty in his voice.

"Duncan, give me a can of spray paint. Ryan, get ready to lift. Tom and Jen...

" _ **Get me a fedora.**_ "

* * *

 _Corundum Syndicate_

"We're all gonna die!" Sierra shrieked. "If I don't make it, tell Cody I love him!"

"We're on the same team!" Cody shrieked back.

"Oh, right. Then kiss me, Codykins, before we're gone forever!"

"I think you might be overreacting..." Sammy said meekly. "Not that I want to die or anything, but I think we'll be fine."

"How do you know, _Samey_?" Amy grumbled.

"I happen to know our author refuses to kill off main characters."

Suddenly, the rumbling stopped. Both teams noticed the pile of rocks blocking the entrance was shrinking, before eventually it was gone.

"All you bloody [wn word]s gotta hop to it!" an unfamiliar voice with a thick Australian accent ordered. No one argued as they scrambled out.

Before she left, Anne Maria spotted something among the rubble and picked up a dark blue crystal roughly the size of a walnut. Remembering Cameron saying that diamonds weren't always transparent, Anne Maria got her hopes up and quickly pocketed the rock.

* * *

Their savior was revealed to be Mike's fifth surviving persona, Manitoba Smith. The fedora had triggered his transformation, his eyes becoming squinted and stern with the experience of a middle-aged man. He'd tagged particular rocks with the neon green spray paint so Ryan could clear the opening with minimal damage.

"Thanks a bunch, Mr. Smith!" Zoey exclaimed, racing up to shake his hand.

"'Twas nothing, miss," Manitoba replied courteously, before kissing her hand. Behind them, Anne Maria scowled.

"Okay, back to the brain you go, wiseguy," Noah muttered, walking over and removing the fedora. Manitoba gasped and Mike returned.

"Now that everyone's out, I think it's time to count our finds," Joseph interrupted. Remembering the game at last, everyone emptied their bags and counted.

The Radiant Rubies had found three medallions and two Chris', for 23 points.

The Stunning Sapphires had found twelve medallions and one Chris, for 22 points.

The Daring Diamonds had found seven medallions and three Chris', for 37 points.

And the Easy Emeralds had found fifteen medallions and four Chris', for 55 points.

"Can't believe we lost by _one_ measly point," Geoff muttered.

"At least we have our lives," Dawn reminded him.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll take living to party than partying with the dead any day!"

"Uh, stupid question time? How are we gonna get outta here?" Leshawna asked.

Chris answered her. A massive tube snaked down the ramp to the caverns and vacuumed everyone back up.

* * *

 **Confessional – Josee.**

"Third place!" Josee screeched. "In other words, BRONZE! The metal of COMMONERS!" She fainted.

"Josee?" Jacques asked from outside the confessional. "You alright?" He opened the door and saw what had happened. "Uh-oh."

* * *

"I take it everyone had fun?" Chris teased. Everyone glared at him. "What, too soon?"

"More than a little!" Courtney seethed.

"Okay, fine, you're all getting a breather challenge next. That enough compensation for you?" Courtney nodded. "Glad that's taken care of. With 55 points, the Easy Emeralds win!" They cheered. "I was wrong, you had it in you. You are now officially...The Excellent Emeralds!"

"Finally, something good," Justin sighed.

"But we have losers, too. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Stunning Sapphires, someone's going back to the jeweler's!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Sadie.**

"Katie and I are still mad about him smushing her," Sadie explained angrily as she wrote OWEN on a piece of paper. "Plus, he's part of the biggest alliance here. If he's gone, we could cripple its power."

* * *

 **Confessional – Anne Maria.**

"Dat red-haired hussy's tryna' steal mah Vito!" Anne Maria snarled, writing ZOEY on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Tyler.**

"Noah said Owen's probably at risk for rolling onto Katie," Tyler explained. "So he's having us vote for Anne Maria because she kinda made the situation in the cave pretty awful." He wrote ANNE MARIA on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

Noah wrote ANNE MARIA on a piece of paper, then looked up at the camera. "If my plan works, Anne Maria's gone. Not only do we have better competitors – and I really mean it," he muttered, "but this will be a show of power that may increase our chances of some of us getting into the final ten. After all, you don't mess with the Misfit Mega-Alliance, 'cuz it will mess with _YOU_."

* * *

"Here's how we work eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Eighteen marshmallows sat on the plate, five of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to dig up more drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Noah, Sam, Mike, Zeke, Geoff, Ella, Gwen, Mary, Katie, Sadie, Tyler, Dawn, and Lindsay."

Mike sighed, relieved, as he got his marshmallow. He'd privately feared that Vito's behavior would've put him at risk. Inside his mind, his other personalities were busy lecturing the tough guy, who wasn't happy about it at all.

Chris pointed to the blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you, so I think that Lightning and Zoey should get up here."

Zoey gulped and nervously got hers. While walking back, Lightning shoved her aside, knocking her to the ground. "Sha-move it, lady!"

Zoey got marshmallow all over her face. Humiliated, she ran off, crying.

"Meh, she'll get over it," Chris said dismissively. He pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. And by the looks of it, Ennui's got a pair o' peeps who don't like him that much."

Ennui looked behind him. Lindsay and Geoff shivered in their seats when his unnaturally yellow eyes met theirs.

"I don't blame you," he said quietly, before retrieving his marshmallow.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Anne Maria. Owen."

The two looked at him. Owen looked at Noah, who seemed very confident.

"Anne Maria, you're vain and headstrong. Not bad qualities, but not good ones for this challenge. Owen, you almost injured someone, plus you're an alliance threat. Who's going home?

...

...

...

...

"Anne Maria, you've been let go!" He frowned a genuine frown. "Really sorry it came to this."

"Eh, I'm not too mad. 'Cuz I got DIS!" She held up her find. "A genuine blue diamond! Dat's gotta be wort a lot."

"Uh...that's a zircon...you'd be lucky if it's worth twenty bucks," Mary piped up.

Anne Maria's face dropped. "WAT?!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"Good riddance, I say," Gwen scoffed. "And perhaps when the time's right, I'll say that to someone else. I found this in the rubble in the cave." She showed Heather's immunity idol to the camera.

* * *

Chris stood at the mouth of the Drama Mine. "Twelve down. Seventy-two remain. Who's going to strike it rich and whose chances at fame will be eroded away? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He turned to leave, but went the wrong way and fell down the mine.

"MY HAIR!"

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Noah – Anne Maria**

 **Owen – Anne Maria**

 **Ennui – Owen**

 **Sam – Anne Maria**

 **Zoey – Anne Maria**

 **Mike – Anne Maria**

 **Zeke – Anne Maria**

 **Geoff – Ennui**

 **Ella – Didn't vote**

 **Lightning – Owen**

 **Anne Maria – Zoey**

 **Gwen – Lightning**

 **Mary – Anne Maria**

 **Katie – Owen**

 **Sadie – Owen**

 **Tyler – Anne Maria**

 **Dawn – Anne Maria**

 **Lindsay – Ennui**

 **Results: 9-3-2-1-1 Anne Maria-Owen-Ennui-Lightning-Zoey**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah), Heather (Gwen)**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (4)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

"Hey...you okay?" Mike asked a sobbing Zoey.

"N-no," she sniffed. "I moved here from America because I couldn't find anyone who'd want to be friends with me. I tried hanging out with Taylor's Angels but it didn't work out. Am I destined to be alone?"

"I was in your place once," Mike replied. "It's tough. But you'll find your people someday. For the record, _I_ like your company."

Zoey stopped crying and smiled at him. "Thank you."


	19. Aftermath II

**Review time!**

 **AlienGhostWizard14: Glad you like that. The pairings here will be built up slowly over the fic's long timeframe so they're more realistic.  
**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Yep! I'm intending on finishing this. Have no idea when that'll happen; it may not be for years. I do intend for there to be drama with the immunity idols. Lots of drama indeed... However, Gwen didn't "steal" the idol, as it was not in Heather's possession; I advise you to check Episode 1-7 "Dodgebrawl" for the rules of how immunity idols work here.  
**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! Heather's days _are_ numbered, but whether that number's great or small is something only I know. I'm actually thinking of keeping her around for longer because she's a good strategist and is great at causing trouble for our heroes. However, now that Gwen's got Heather's idol, the Snarky Goth's got a little more power in her hands, and in the next six episodes all kinds of havoc will be unleashed when she tries to use it. Yes, Anne Maria _is_ dead weight, and that's why I got rid of her.  
**

 **Lara2244: Thanks! It's still there, but it's going to be more of a background pairing as I focus more on Nemma, Codammy, and the infamous Duncan love triangle. But when Emma learns Kitty's got a new boyfriend, she'll make sure Kitty doesn't repeat history.**

 **AN: Conception is the TD version of Inception, Marty Viper is the TD version of Monty Python.**

* * *

 _Dakota Milton, The Fame Monger.  
_

"I just did my nails, and I don't want to use my hands until I'm certain they're dry," Dakota said, showing off her glittery pink fingernails to the camera.

 _Phillip Dawkins, The Hip Cat.  
_

"Chris, normally I don't like being mean," Phil began, "but keep taunting us and I will slap-dance _you_."

 _Ellody Sandragupta, The Stern Genius._

Ellody sighed. "All I have to ask is...why?"

 _Kevin "Rock" Peters, The Hype Rocker._

Rock shrugged and got his marshmallow. "Well guys, it was nice playing with you all. I hope to see which one of you gets the million bucks!"

 _Rodney McDonald, The Lovesick Farmboy._

"I am so sorry, miss!" Rodney gulped. "I thought I was somewhere else!"

"Who cares! Get away from me, loser!" Heather shrieked in reply, quickly running away.

Rodney scratched the back of his head. "I don't remember being on that rock originally," he said to himself.

 _Anne Maria Constantino, The Joisey Beach Reject._

"We don't need dat veggie-lovin' ballerina!"

"Um, she's a gymnast–"

"What we need is a certain tough boy!" With that, she forcefully yanked Mike's shirt off.

 _The next six contestants who've been eliminated have returned to their school. But while their ex-teammates do their schoolwork–_

Tyler tried to focus on his book, but Lindsay was sitting across from him, and he was getting a little distracted.

 _–we follow up on the losers. Where are they now? What are they up to? Is Rock physically incapable of sitting still? This._

 _Is._

 _Aftermath: Total Drama Edition._

* * *

 _Theme music_

The screen opened and the viewer saw two clips, side-by-side, of Dakota and Phil walking, shot from the front view. Dakota was on the left, Phil on the right. The clips then wiped up to show Ellody and Rock in the same setup. It happened again, revealing Rodney and Anne Maria. Then the clips wiped up entirely.

Kelly, Dwayne, and Gerry waved to the camera. Suddenly, a flat panel fell from the ceiling on top of them, crushing them underneath. Blaineley was sitting on the panel and waved to the camera.

A spotlight focused on a curtain. Two interns shakily held up a sign reading TOTAL DRAMA AFTERMATH II: COME ON AND SCHEME. Then they fell over, the sign falling on top of them.

* * *

"Welcome to Total Drama's second aftermath!" Blaineley said to the camera. "Our next six eliminated contestants will be answering our questions from our judge's panel, and there will be some other fun stuff too! You already know the judges, so let's just get to it!"

"What if they're just starting to watch the series now?" Dwayne asked. Then he noticed the name tag in front of him. "Oh! That's how. Heh, silly me."

"Yes, silly you indeed. No wonder your son doesn't love you." Dwayne's jaw dropped at Blaineley's comment. "Anyway, let's get onto one of my favorite contestants yet – Dakota!"

Dakota ran onstage and blew kisses to the camera. Then she sat in front of the judges.

"So, if you could change one thing that you did during the challenges, what would it be?" Dwayne asked.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Gerry.**

"Wow, that's a good question. Why aren't we asking that about everyone?"

* * *

"Well, I think I'd be involved more in the dodgeball challenge," Dakota said. She chuckled nervously. "I can't believe I didn't think to look at what everyone else was doing to learn what it was."

"Interesting."

Dakota sighed. "Yeah, I mean...I've been sheltered all my life by my dad. After my mom died, he's been really overprotective of me and, well, I haven't been able to see the world like I want to."

"Hm, you're a lot deeper than I thought you were, kid," Leshaniqua commented from the peanut gallery.

"Dakota, I have to ask: you and my daughter. Why?" Kelly asked.

Dakota looked at Kelly and replied, "Taylor was one of the first people I met when Daddy decided to have me enrolled in public school rather than be homeschooled. She taught me so many things about the world that...I felt like I owed her my company. Although now that I'm not in the game anymore, I've started to realize that she's not exactly a good person."

"What? How could you say that?!" Kelly asked, a little offended.

"Easy," Gerry replied curtly. "Roll tapes!"

 _S1E10, "Mild, Mild Mess":_

 _"Alright, everyone, listen up," Taylor spoke. "We're the law enforcement here, so what we say goes. Put your hands up in the air, and leave Fort Chris forever."_

 _"Ma'am, with all due respect, I don't think that'll work," Brick piped up._

 _Taylor bopped him over the head with her gun. "No one cares!"_

 _S1E11, "The Big Sleep":_

 _Taylor laughed. "Oh my god, what a freak! Guess he's a slumber party of one!"_

 _S1E1, "Not-so Happy Campers":_

 _"I'm not jumping! You jump!" Heather growled at Taylor._

 _"Of course you wouldn't jump, witch! The water would dissolve you and give ME all the popularity!"_

 _S1E2, "One Flu Over the Cuckoos":_

 _"My shoes!" Taylor wailed as the water surged onto her black leather pumps. "My mom paid $78 for these!"_

 _"I _told_ you you'd want to bring sneakers," Chris said from nearby. Taylor threw her ruined pumps at his head (they missed and were caught by Izzy, who decided to pretend she was a spy and the right shoe was secretly a phone) and tromped barefoot back to her cabin to retrieve her sneakers. Heather burst out laughing while Noah wrung out his shirt._

"I think we've made our point," Gerry said smugly. Turning to Dakota, he asked, "So your label means you follow trends, right? What other things besides fashion and fame are you into?"

"Well, I've actually really liked videogames since I found out about them," Dakota replied honestly. "It's just...many of them tell really good stories, and it's always fun to pretend to be someone else."

"She's one of us!" Leonard said to Tammy, excited.

"Great, a closet geek," Blaineley said dryly. Then she put on a too-wide grin again. "Our next contestant is also a pretty famous guy around our school, and probably the most footloose of all of us – Phil!"

Phil ran onstage and waved to the camera before taking his seat.

"Phil, after your elimination, did you go find your sister to see what she thought of your song to her?" Dwayne asked.

"Yeah, she really liked it. Zoe's always been into taking songs aimed at younger demographics and mixing them up for older kids, so she was pretty happy I did the same," Phil explained.

"Phil, I heard Chris say a lot of times that you could've made a pretty big alliance if you wanted to," Kelly said. "If you would've done things differently, would you make an alliance?"

"Probably," Phil laughed. "I mean, I didn't think it was important to have one when I began; I just thought everyone would vote their way. But now that I'm seeing what many people can do, I think I would've gotten some of my friends with me."

"I think you and Brady hung out a lot before the show," Gerry mused. "What do you think about him being part of Alejandro's alliance?"

Phil sighed. "Brady's the kind of guy who sees most people as his friend, so honestly I'm not too surprised. I don't blame him, either; I would've joined Alejandro had I thought to ask him for alliance help."

"I think you speak for a lot of us here, buddy," Chet said. "I would've done it too were I not intimidated by his popularity."

Phil shrugged. "Eh, popularity's meaningless in the long term. What is is–"

"Up-bup-bup!" Blaineley interrupted, putting her hand over his mouth. "I think your time's up, Phil. Why don't you go sit with your friends, mkay?" Phil glared at her but complied. "Now then," Blaineley continued. "it's time for one of our biggest brainiacs this side of next Tuesday–"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Dwayne.**

"What?"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Leshaniqua.**

"Huh?"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Staci.**

"Whaaaaaaaaaat?" Staci deliberately dragged it out to be funny; it worked.  


* * *

"Ellody!"

"Care for some salt on that word salad?" Ellody grumbled as she made her way onstage. This earned some snickers from the audience.

"Wait, you can make salad from words?" Spud asked excitedly. Dakota looked at Staci and made a "cuckoo" gesture with her hand. Staci nodded in agreement.

"So, Ellody, now that you and Chet are back together, do you feel any better?" Dwayne asked.

"Yes, much. I think what my problem was that his elimination caught me offguard and I wasn't prepared for it. But now that I think about it, all couples need some space from time to time."

"Wise words," Dwayne laughed. "Even I need a break from Daphne every so often. Not that I don't love her or anything," he added hastily.

"Pardon me for asking, but as Scott said, _is_ Ellody a real name?" Kelly asked.

"...Yes," Ellody deadpanned. "I assume it's just an alternate spelling of 'Elodie'."

"Ah."

"Ellody, you were in an alliance before your elimination. Which alliance do you think is the most likely to last longest?" Gerry asked.

"I think that the Misfits are," Ellody replied.

"Pfft. Please. How would that be possible?" Blaineley scoffed.

Ellody glared at her. "Allow me to explain why the Misfit Mega-alliance is more likely to survive than the other alliances seen thus far.

"The Field Alliance has the worst chance of having a member survive to the final ten. Everyone knows that Heather's selfish and Courtney's memetically fussy; these factors make it highly unlikely anyone would want to vote with them. And Scott's lingering cerebral trauma makes his behavior erratic: dangerously cunning one day and completely inept the next. This makes him too risky to keep around.

"Surfer Dudes United will fare a little better, because it's made of more compassionate people, so they're less likely to be voted out. That said, it's also very small, so despite being tight-knit and thus easier to coordinate, its size will ultimately work against it.

"The Geek Alliance isn't made of popular people, for otherwise Chris wouldn't have outed us. Our main strength instead lies in how we _don't_ get votes: using our wits to win the challenges, thus avoiding elimination altogether. A larger size than the previous two alliances will also enable us to persist much longer.

"The Guy's Alliance has very strong leadership as its biggest asset. Alejandro has successfully concealed how truly diabolical he is, meaning it's not likely most people would vote for him specifically. The same attribute also means his alliance members are ready to follow his every command. We've seen this already with Leshaniqua.

"That leaves the Misfit Mega-alliance, or Team E-Scope as Izzy calls it. It's by far the largest alliance that's been made thus far, and it also has very strong leadership in the form of Noah and Emma. Both of them are highly motivated and although they, especially Noah, don't often act like it, they really care about their teammates. They command loyalty not through manipulation, but by explaining their actions and what their actions would result in. Finally, they're willing to add on new members, as I think we're starting to see with Zoey, and they're willing to deal with other alliances." A clip from the previous episode began to play to prove her point.

 _"See? I can help you get her off your tail. If your team does lose, I'll tell the Misfits on it to vote for Sierra."_

 _"Deal," Cody said, stretching out his hand. Noah shook it._

"In conclusion, Team E-Scope has by far the highest likelihood of having someone in it winning Total Drama."

Silence. Then the Peanut Gallery started applauding her impressive analysis.

"Yeah...she can think. I don't care," Blaineley fibbed.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Blaineley.**

"Exactly as I feared. Ellody's right, the Misfits are too strong. I have to tell Chris as soon as I can!" Blaineley exclaimed.  


Again, she didn't notice that Don was also there, watching her every move.

* * *

"Anyway, let's go on to the other half of our dynamic rocker duo – Rock!"

"YOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rock hollered as he ran onstage, high-fiving the judges.

"Wow, someone's excited," Dwayne chuckled as Rock took his seat. "Do you feel bad about being eliminated?"

"Not really, man!" Rock replied. "I'm super pumped to be back with Spud again, plus I get to watch other artists work their magic in the challenges and cheer them on!"

"Right on, dude," Spud agreed from the audience.

"So Rock, why the name?" Kelly asked.

"I was bored with being boring old Kevin," Rock explained. "And then one day, it hit me: what would be a better embodiment of rock and roll than being Rock itself? Plus, rocks are super tough, like me!"

"I think the cameras beg to differ," Blaineley smirked as she pressed a button on her remote.

 _S1E1, "Not-so Happy Campers":_

 _"Is that even a question?" Duncan asked, pulling out an absurd amount of knives from inside his shirt. Rock and Spud gulped._

 _S1E10, "Mild, Mild Mess":_

 _Heather picked up a piece of the ledge and dropped it on Rock's foot. "Never say that again!" This was followed by previously unseen footage of Rock lying on the ground in the fetal position wincing in pain.  
_

"Well, would _you_ be scared if someone had a buncha knives in his shirt, or hurt if someone practically broke your foot?" Rock asked defensively.

"He's got a point," Dwayne pointed out. Blaineley smacked him over the head with the remote.

"Rock, Spud said it'd be crazy if you had a rock on your head. What do you think?" Gerry asked.

"Yeah, it's like, Conception-level stuff," Rock replied, having pulled out a small feldspar from his pocket and placing it on his head.

"Whoa...my mind is melting," Spud said in awe.

"I'm surprised you even _have_ a mind to melt," Blaineley snarked. "Up next is the first Misfit to be eliminated – Rodney!"

Rodney timidly entered the stage. "Uh...hi?" he asked.

"Rodney, Noah said you were one of the Misfits. If you hadn't been voted out so early, would you have voted alongside them?" Dwayne asked.

"I would've," Rodney said simply. "The Misfits took me in because everyone else thought I was weird, but they didn't care; I liked that. And the Misfits only voted for people they had a good reason to send away, even if it wasn't for winning."

"Yeah, they voted me out out of concern for my own mental health," Ellody confirmed.

 _"If Ellody stays, she might go crazy from the heartbreak," Beardo spoke up. "We'd be doing her a favor."_

"Rodney, early on Rock explained your girl situation. Is it true?" Kelly asked.

 _"Nah, he's a softie, and if he, like, knows a girl's not interested in him, he doesn't bother going after 'em. Most of what his problem is, like, he's got seven brothers and his mom, like, left his dad a while back, so like, he doesn't know a lot about talking to girls."_

"Mm-hm," Rodney said sadly. "Momma left 'cuz she and Papa couldn't agree on a lot of things, and since I'm the youngest I got the least of her teachings. So yeah, I don't know how to talk to most girls without freezing up. Well, until Cody helped me."

 _Previously unseen footage from "Mild, Mild Mess" played. "So, Rodney, you see that girls are just normal people. Nothing special, just people," Cody concluded, finishing his lesson to the freshman._

 _"No one ever put it that way before! Thanks a bunch, Cody!" Rodney exclaimed. They high-fived, but Rodney's strength sent Cody to the ground. "Uh, Cody?"_

"Touching," Blaineley muttered.

"Rodney, Brady was worried you'd go after Beth. Would you?" Gerry asked cautiously.

"Nah, I told myself to keep away from my fellow alliance members. Plus, Beth and I knew each other as kids 'cuz our farms are close by, so I always saw her more like kin. Can I leave? I'm kinda uncomfortable talkin' bout this."

"Don't worry, we understand completely," Gerry said reassuringly. "You're a good kid, Rodney. Never forget that."

Rodney joined the Peanut Gallery, a little happier than before.

"Okay, now for our final contestant to complete the first dozen – Anne Maria!"

Anne Maria sulked as she came onstage. "Whoa, you alright?" Dwayne asked.

"Of course nat!" she snapped. "I got yoomilyated on live TV! Stupid rocks."

"I sympathize completely," Blaineley said apologetically.

"Um, Anne Maria, may I ask why you use as much hairspray as you do?" Kelly asked.

"'Cuz mah poof ain't 'zactly easy tah maintain, y'know," Anne Maria replied curtly.

"But isn't that much hairspray bad for you? I'm no scientist, but you'd have to be getting at least a little sick from it."

"Everyone else was," Chet added grumpily.

 _Alejandro looked around. "Hmmm...Anne Maria does not seem to be particularly helpful in challenges. I don't think we need to keep her around for much longer."_

 _Said Anne Maria, oblivious to what was happening, pulled out her hairspray and sprayed her hair. She was right in front of the three, so they quickly inhaled the backdraft and began choking on the chemicals in the spray._

 _"Also," Devin coughed, "she does that. A lot!"_

"Anyway, if you could've done one thing different during your time in the game, what would it be?" Gerry asked.

"Try hardah to bring Vito out. Dat guy's made for me!"

"Uh, I'm not so sure about that..." Staci said nervously.

 _"Anne Maria has a HUGE crush on him; the feeling's not mutual, but she doesn't know it."_

Anne Maria slapped her forehead. "Right, forgot. Mike's da OG in dat body, wat he sez goes."

"And I think it's going quite well for him, honestly," Tammy said. "He's proved himself a worthy member of any team he's on, and to his alliance. And I honestly hope he and Zoey can build a love like Leonard and I have."

"Blah blah blah, can we move on now? We've only got till the end of lunch to do this show." Blaineley turned to face the camera. "What do I have in store? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Total Trivia: How many kilometers are in 12.5 miles?  
_

 _A. 20  
_

 _B. 22  
_

 _C. 25  
_

 _D. 30  
_

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

 _Total Trivia: The correct answer is about 20, assuming an approximate 5:8 ratio between the two units. Zoey made this conversion in "The Big Sleep". Originally from Baudette, Minnesota, United States of America, she's more familiar with the Imperial system of measurement than her Canadian counterparts.  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Blaineley announced. "Everyone, I want you to break into your original teams from the first challenge." They did as they were told.

Dakota for the Red Robins, Phil for the Orange Ocelots, Anne Maria for the Yellow Yaks, Rodney for the Green Gators, Ellody, Chet, Leonard, Tammy, and Leshaniqua for the Cyan Sharks, and Spud, Staci, and Rock for the Purple Pigs. Each stood on a circular piece of carpet of their respective color. An additional six were there, one each in blue, black, gray, brown, white, and pink.

"The Blue Beetles were lucky to have no one eliminated yet," Ellody noted.

"Yeah, it's depressing how many of _us_ there are," Leshaniqua agreed.

"Not for long, I'm separating you out so there's only one of you per team," Blaineley replied. "Ellody, you'll fill in for the Beetles because you were blue when Chet was eliminated. Chet, speaking of which, you're over here on the gray piece. Leonard, you're with the brown. Tammy, the white one. Staci, you're pink, and Spud is black."

"I thought I was of German descent," Spud thought aloud.

"Can't you be stupid somewhere _else_?" Blaineley asked incredulously.

"Not until four."

Blaineley facepalmed. "Anyway, each of you represent one of our teams in the next challenge. Here in Aftermath, you're going to compete in challenges yourselves. The team with the most points at the end will get to send one of the teams in the next episode of the show an advantage! Because there's only one of each of you, the amount of points you'll get will be leveled based on your performance. Let's start with the first challenge:

* * *

"Drama Dodgeball!" Everyone held a red dodgeball. "Your objective is to throw these at each other and not get hit! Whoever's still standing at the end of it wins the most points."

After a chaotic flurry of balls, Tammy, being the shortest person there, was still safe.

"Tammy wins it! She gets all twelve points. The rest of you get less based on when you went down."

 **Dakota – 1  
**

 **Phil – 8  
**

 **Anne Maria – 4**

 **Rodney – 2**

 **Ellody – 7  
**

 **Chet – 10**

 **Leonard – 3**

 **Tammy – 12**

 **Leshaniqua – 9**

 **Rock – 6  
**

 **Spud – 11**

 **Staci – 5**

"Next!"

* * *

"We couldn't bring the Slap-Dance stage here, so we improvised." Handing each of the contestants a massive sausage, she said, "Now slap each other silly!"

"I'm getting some real Marty Viper vibes from this," Chet commented.

"Begin!" It ended as soon as it began. "Sad, I wanted to see more pain. But anyway, since Leshaniqua's still up, she gets all the points."

 **Dakota – 1 + 1 = 2  
**

 **Phil – 8 + 11 = 19  
**

 **Anne Maria – 4 + 2 = 6  
**

 **Rodney – 2 + 10 = 12  
**

 **Ellody – 7 + 6 = 13  
**

 **Chet – 10 + 9 = 19  
**

 **Leonard – 3 + 4 = 7  
**

 **Tammy – 12 + 3 = 15  
**

 **Leshaniqua – 9 + 12 = 21  
**

 **Rock – 6 + 8 = 14  
**

 **Spud – 11 + 7 = 18  
**

 **Staci – 5 + 5 = 10  
**

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Leshaniqua.**

Leshaniqua smirked. "Let's just say I've got a _lot_ of experience slapping stupid people..."  


* * *

"Next!"

* * *

"For our third test, all of you must cross this greased stage to the finish line," Blaineley said. "As you can see," she continued, pointing to Dwayne, Kelly, and Gerry, who were lying on the floor in a tangled lump, dazed, "it's harder than it looks. Begin!"

Everyone had trouble, and usually ended up landing on their backs. Except for Spud, that is. His large mass but relatively low height made him easily able to cross it.

"Way to go, Spud!" Rock cheered.

"I agree, that was amazing. I don't even think my grandpa could do that, and he could walk across _ice_!" Staci exclaimed.

"You doing dat same BS you did in da game?" Anne Maria asked.

"No, she's telling the truth, I've seen the videos," Dakota replied. Staci looked relieved that someone had stood up for her.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Dakota.**

"Staci's actually been really nice to me. Sure, her disability makes her a little awkward, but at least she tries to control her impulses," Dakota said. "We've both agreed to break away from Taylor's Angels. Y'know, I think maybe we'd do better with the Misfits..."  


* * *

 **Dakota – 1 + 1 + 2 = 4  
**

 **Phil – 8 + 11 + 9 = 28  
**

 **Anne Maria – 4 + 2 + 1 = 7  
**

 **Rodney – 2 + 10 + 8 = 20  
**

 **Ellody – 7 + 6 + 3 = 16  
**

 **Chet – 10 + 9 + 4 = 23  
**

 **Leonard – 3 + 4 + 5 = 12  
**

 **Tammy – 12 + 3 + 10 = 25  
**

 **Leshaniqua – 9 + 12 + 6 = 27  
**

 **Rock – 6 + 8 + 5 = 19  
**

 **Spud – 11 + 7 + 12 = 30  
**

 **Staci – 5 + 5 + 11 = 21**

"Next!"

"Oh no, not this again. It took me a _week_ to get the spell's lingering scent out of my clothes!" Leonard griped.

"Relax," Blaineley replied. "Everyone who's already done it doesn't need to go through it again." Leonard breathed a sigh of relief. "The rest of you must go through... **The Trial by Lustblossom!** " Once again, the same spray cannons emerged from the ceiling, and the female one did the deed.

When the gas settled, Rock and Spud both had goofy expressions on their faces. "Rock and roll..." Rock drooled.

Anne Maria, who was immune along with the rest of the six newest eliminees, pointed at them with an unamused expression. "We done heah?"

"Don't worry, we are," Blaineley replied, activating the male turret to douse them in pollen scent. "Next!"

* * *

"For this next challenge, you have to spit into a spittoon!" Each contestant was given a raisin. "Whoever gets the closest to this spittoon wins the challenge. Begin!"

The brass container was placed fifty feet away from them. They spat, assisted by the fact that raisins taste awful. Since Rodney had the strongest lungs of anyone there, he got the raisin to actually hit the body of the spittoon.

"Rodney wins! Although he wasn't good enough to get it _in_ , apparently."

"Hey, don't blame him! _I_ have a hard time keeping a tennis ball in the air that great a distance, and I'm a professional!" Gerry interjected.

 **Dakota – 1 + 1 + 2 + 8 = 12  
**

 **Phil – 8 + 11 + 9 + 4 = 32  
**

 **Anne Maria – 4 + 2 + 1 + 5 = 12  
**

 **Rodney – 2 + 10 + 8 + 12 = 32  
**

 **Ellody – 7 + 6 + 3 + 2 = 18  
**

 **Chet – 10 + 9 + 4 + 1 = 24  
**

 **Leonard – 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 = 18  
**

 **Tammy – 12 + 3 + 10 + 11 = 36  
**

 **Leshaniqua – 9 + 12 + 6 + 9 = 36  
**

 **Rock – 6 + 8 + 5 + 7 = 26  
**

 **Spud – 11 + 7 + 12 + 10 = 40  
**

 **Staci – 5 + 5 + 11 + 3 = 24**

"Next!"

* * *

They were in the gym now, long, color-coded blankets tied to the ceiling above a mat. "For our next competition, you must climb the bedsheets all the way to the top! And yes, you must climb _all. The. Way._ " Everyone gulped. "Begin!"

It was difficult, and everyone fell off at least once. But eventually, after much struggling, Dakota's limber, lightweight build and tall stature allowed her to reach the top first.

 **Dakota – 1 + 1 + 2 + 8 + 12 = 24  
**

 **Phil – 8 + 11 + 9 + 4 + 11 = 43  
**

 **Anne Maria – 4 + 2 + 1 + 5 + 2 = 14  
**

 **Rodney – 2 + 10 + 8 + 12 + 8 = 40  
**

 **Ellody – 7 + 6 + 3 + 2 + 1 = 19  
**

 **Chet – 10 + 9 + 4 + 1 + 2 = 26  
**

 **Leonard – 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 7 = 25  
**

 **Tammy – 12 + 3 + 10 + 11 + 3 = 39  
**

 **Leshaniqua – 9 + 12 + 6 + 9 + 10 = 46  
**

 **Rock – 6 + 8 + 5 + 7 + 5 = 31  
**

 **Spud – 11 + 7 + 12 + 10 + 4 = 44  
**

 **Staci – 5 + 5 + 11 + 3 + 6 = 30  
**

"Dakota, who's been low on points for much of the time here, has suddenly caught up to the middle!" Dakota smiled proudly. "Now, let's get on with our final game!"

* * *

"For this, we have buried an extra-credit assignment for each of you underneath these rocks. Whoever gets to it first will actually get to do it!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Rock.**

"My grades, like, kinda slipped while I was on the island, so I was all like, 'Whoa, I gotta get that paper!'"  


* * *

Rock acted accordingly, hefting the rocks over himself like a bulldozer. He was quite strong himself, so it was fairly easy. He found his first. "Whoa, way cool! How the evolution of music in the Age of Enlightenment parallels societal changes!"

 **Dakota – 1 + 1 + 2 + 8 + 12 + 5 = 29  
**

 **Phil – 8 + 11 + 9 + 4 + 11 + 4 = 47  
**

 **Anne Maria – 4 + 2 + 1 + 5 + 2 + 1 = 15  
**

 **Rodney – 2 + 10 + 8 + 12 + 8 + 11 = 51  
**

 **Ellody – 7 + 6 + 3 + 2 + 1 + 3 = 22  
**

 **Chet – 10 + 9 + 4 + 1 + 2 + 2 = 28  
**

 **Leonard – 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 7 + 8 = 33  
**

 **Tammy – 12 + 3 + 10 + 11 + 3 + 4 = 43  
**

 **Leshaniqua – 9 + 12 + 6 + 9 + 10 + 10 = 56  
**

 **Rock – 6 + 8 + 5 + 7 + 5 + 12 = 43  
**

 **Spud – 11 + 7 + 12 + 10 + 4 + 7 = 51  
**

 **Staci – 5 + 5 + 11 + 3 + 6 + 9 = 39**

"And by the looks of it, Leshaniqua wins with 56 points!" Leshaniqua stood tall and proud. "In Challenge 13, the Cyan Sharks will get...a tracking device! So while everyone else cleans up, let's look at some of Total Drama's Funniest Moments!"

* * *

"If you wanted proof that this game's gone to the dogs, here you go."

 _The wolves chasing around most of the contestants._

"Secret alliances are meant to be SECRET, Owen."

 _Owen cheering because Shawn had agreed to join the Misfit Alliance, only to be reminded by B that no one else should know about it, with Owen's subsequent cheer comically quiet.  
_

"Stick to your guns. But not too much."

 _Emma narrowed her eyes and shot at the target. It hit, but because of her small stature the force of the gun firing knocked her on her back._

"Just dance, and you'll be okay."

 _Harold stopping long enough to get zapped, putting him in so much pain that he ran off and collided with DJ, sending both off the platform._

"S.O.M.F. squirrels on my face!"

 _The ground squirrel occupying the hole leaping out and attacking Shawn. Shawn screamed as he tried to get the rodent off his face.  
_

"Leave the ziplining to the pros, NOT to the amateurs."

 _Previously unseen footage of the zipliners from the Confused Bears crashing, creating the dazed pile seen in the show proper. Their pig sat on top of the pile and snorted indignantly._

"Ditto pipe-crawling."

 _Amy impatiently shoved Harold into Tyler. Tyler shot through the greasy pipe, pushing the rest of his sub-team out. Harold got out of the tube, noticed the scene before him, and was shoved out by Amy, landing on his face._

"The bread dream. Suuuure."

 _Noah and Emma opening their eyes just for a brief moment, realizing what was happening, and screaming._

* * *

"And now, for our final part of the Aftermath, we will have you guys root for someone still in the game," Blaineley said to the most-recently eliminated contestants. "At the end of the show, we'll tally the votes, and whoever has the most supporters will receive a prize! As for the person who gets the most votes against them by the end of the show, they will get a punishment of my own creation, befitting of Total Drama's least popular contestant. Go to the confessionals and vote now."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Dakota.**

"Before I was eliminated, I would've voted for Taylor. But on realizing how selfish and vain she is, I've decided to change my vote to Sadie," Dakota said.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Phil.**

"Had I stayed in the game, I probably would've formed an alliance as expected. So I'll do something similar and go for Tyler," Phil said. "I'm not a Misfit, but he's a nice guy who's really humble. I wish him the best of luck with Lindsay."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Ellody.**

"I have reason to believe my alliance might be in danger due to...recent events," Ellody said, "so I'll vote for Mary. It's the least I can do."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Rock.**

"Brody, dudes! He knows how to party! Plus, he's like, a team player! What's like, not to like?"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Rodney.**

"Cody helped me, so I'll help him! Go Cody! Hope you can tell Sierra to find a guy who's actually like her someday!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Anne Maria.**

"Taylor _bettah_ help me r'gayn mah repyootayshun," Anne Maria growled.

* * *

"And that's the end of that," Blaineley said. "Tune in after Challenge 18 for the third Aftermath."

The bell rang.

"And that's the end of lunch. Now go back to class before I give you detention! Hey, that should be my catchphrase!"

* * *

 **Votes against:**

 **Owen – 3  
**

 **Dakota – 7 (Eliminated 7th by immunity idol)  
**

 **B – 0**

 **Noah – 8  
**

 **Cody – 0**

 **Ella – 2  
**

 **Izzy – 0**

 **Emma – 0**

 **Kitty – 0**

 **Junior – 0**

 **Sierra – 2  
**

 **Topher – 0**

 **Beth – 1  
**

 **Brady – 0**

 **Justin – 0**

 **Katie – 0**

 **Sadie – 0**

 **Lorenzo – 0**

 **Mary – 0**

 **Brick – 0**

 **Ennui – 5  
**

 **Crimson – 1  
**

 **Scott – 15  
**

 **Phil – 2 (Eliminated 8th by rigged votes)  
**

 **Heather – 15  
**

 **Lindsay – 0**

 **Taylor – 0**

 **Alejandro – 8  
**

 **Devin – 3**

 **Carrie – 0**

 **Ryan – 0**

 **Stephanie – 0**

 **Miles – 0**

 **Laurie – 0**

 **Anne Maria – 12 (Eliminated 12th)  
**

 **Lauren – 0**

 **Cameron – 0**

 **Mike – 0**

 **Eva – 0**

 **DJ – 0**

 **Sam – 0**

 **Scarlett – 2  
**

 **Max – 0**

 **Rodney – 11 (Eliminated 11th by rigged tiebreaker)  
**

 **Zeke – 2**

 **Sugar – 23  
**

 **Sanders – 0**

 **MacArthur – 0**

 **Zoey – 1  
**

 **Gwen – 4  
**

 **Leshawna – 0**

 **Jazz – 0**

 **Trent – 0**

 **Harold** **– 1  
**

 **Ellody – 15 (Eliminated 9th)  
**

 **Chet – 11 (Eliminated 6th)**

 **Leonard – 13 (Eliminated 2nd)**

 **Tammy – 14 (Eliminated 3rd)**

 **Dawn – 0**

 **Leshaniqua – 5 (Eliminated 4th)**

 **Shawn – 0**

 **Lightning – 8  
**

 **Jo – 0**

 **Amy – 7**

 **Sammy – 0**

 **Jasmine – 0**

 **Sky – 1  
**

 **Mickey – 0**

 **Jay – 0**

 **Tom – 0**

 **Jen – 0**

 **Dave – 0**

 **Geoff – 0**

 **Bridgette – 0**

 **Courtney – 5  
**

 **Duncan – 3**

 **Tyler – 0**

 **Rock – 7 (Eliminated 10th)  
**

 **Spud – 8 (Eliminated 5th)**

 **Staci – 6 (Eliminated 1st)**

 **Beardo – 0**

 **Jacques – 4  
**

 **Josee – 8  
**

 **Brody – 0**

 **Votes for Winner:**

 **Owen – None**

 **Dakota – N/A**

 **B – None**

 **Noah – None**

 **Cody – Rodney (1)  
**

 **Ella – Leonard, Tammy (2)**

 **Izzy – None**

 **Emma – None**

 **Kitty – None**

 **Junior – None**

 **Sierra – None**

 **Topher – None**

 **Beth – None**

 **Brady – None**

 **Justin – None**

 **Katie – None**

 **Sadie – Dakota (1)  
**

 **Lorenzo – None**

 **Mary – Ellody (1)  
**

 **Brick – None**

 **Ennui – None**

 **Crimson – None**

 **Scott – None**

 **Phil – N/A**

 **Heather – None**

 **Lindsay – None**

 **Taylor – Anne Maria (1)  
**

 **Alejandro – None**

 **Devin – None**

 **Carrie – None**

 **Ryan – None**

 **Stephanie – None**

 **Miles – None**

 **Laurie – None**

 **Anne Maria – N/A**

 **Lauren – None**

 **Cameron – None**

 **Mike – None**

 **Eva – None**

 **DJ – None**

 **Sam – None**

 **Scarlett – None**

 **Max – None**

 **Rodney – N/A**

 **Zeke – None**

 **Sugar – None**

 **Sanders – None**

 **MacArthur – None**

 **Zoey – None**

 **Gwen – None**

 **Leshawna – Leshaniqua (1)**

 **Jazz – None**

 **Trent – None**

 **Harold – None**

 **Ellody – Chet (1)**

 **Chet – N/A**

 **Leonard – N/A**

 **Tammy – N/A**

 **Dawn – None**

 **Leshaniqua – N/A**

 **Shawn – None**

 **Lightning – None**

 **Jo – None**

 **Amy – None**

 **Sammy – None**

 **Jasmine – None**

 **Sky – None**

 **Mickey – None**

 **Jay – None**

 **Tom – None**

 **Jen – None**

 **Dave – None**

 **Geoff – None**

 **Bridgette – Staci (1)**

 **Courtney – None**

 **Duncan – None**

 **Tyler – Phil (1)  
**

 **Rock – Spud (1)**

 **Spud – N/A**

 **Staci – N/A**

 **Beardo – None**

 **Jacques – None**

 **Josee – None**

 **Brody – Rock (1)  
**

* * *

 **After the Aftermath:**

"So why did you want to see us, Mrs. O'Halloran?" Dakota asked.

"It's not me. It's Chris." Blaineley turned her computer around to reveal Chris on the other end of a video feed.

"Dakota! Phil! So sorry such good competitors were eliminated so early," Chris said melodramatically.

"Uh...okay?" Phil said.

"Anyway, there's important stuff happening. Two of my interns have gone missing. I think one got eaten, and the other one is still unaccounted for."

"Right, the mutant wildlife," Phil groaned. "How could I have forgotten?"

"So now we're short two interns..." Chris leaned forward, revealing a cruel, sadistic smile.

"How would you two like a job?"


	20. 1-13: The Obsta-Kill Course

**With this chapter, THD crosses the 100,000 word mark! Thanks to all my reviewers, followers, and favoriters for giving me a reason to keep doing this!**

 **Speaking of which, it's review time!  
**

 **Lara 2244: Yep!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! That's Blaineley for you. She _seems_ ineffective as an antagonist, but she's actually very cunning. Dakota and Phil being interns is a reference to the original series (Phil was Cody's original design who got repurposed into one of the more commonly-seen interns in Total Drama).**

 **personMcawesome: Thanks! Our disclaimer parodies the one before every episode of TDI, where the entire Total Drama universe began. This story just gets better from there! :D**

 **AlienGhostWizard14: You are correct! That's why I brought them back. And thanks for the compliment, I try my best to keep the relationships realistic!**

 **Guest: Does chapter is update?**

* * *

 _Monday, October 16, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – rocking, rocking and rolling! [The teens sliding into the mine] Down to the beach, they wanted to be strolling! [The buildup to the Drama Mine's reveal] But I had, other ideas for fun [Ryan finding some medallions] and the romance, I said, mrm, stop it now! [Zoey and Mike bonding] Sometime later, Lightning got bolder [Lightning bumping into Owen] and the Corundums got covered in boulders! [The initial cave-in] They sent Mike out to get help so they'd be freed [Vito climbing up the boulders, cut to Manitoba rescuing everyone] and the Misfits, they voted out Anne Mari...a. [Anne Maria's elimination] Wow, I can't believe I actually sang that dorky song."

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Seventy-two contestants remain. Who will live to prey another day and who will be predated on by elimination? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Daring Diamonds  
_

"I CANNOT believe you would wear those ugly shoes," Taylor said crossly. She said this in reference to Jen, who was sitting on the porch of her team's cabin and had a pair of black-strapped Gizeh Birkenstocks sitting next to her. Currently, Jen was painting her toenails an eggplant purple color to match her outfit for the day.

Jen rolled her eyes and glared at her. "It's unusually hot today for October, and these were the only not-high-heeled sandals I was able to bring. And _I_ like them a lot, so shut it. Why are you even here, anyway? You're not even on my team."

"Isn't it obvious? I came here to remind you that you lost, stupid," Taylor remarked.

"'Lost' is too strong a word. My team came in second, if you're too conceited to remember anything from Friday."

"Second place is just first place for losers." Taylor cackled as she left.

Jen sighed. "Why do people like her have friends?"

"It's the allure of prestige you get by associating with rich people," Emma said as she approached her. "Ignore her, I thing Birkenstocks are alright as far as sandals are concerned. If she doesn't like it, it's her own [d word] fault she's encouraging the fossil fuel consumption that made sandals acceptable footwear for mid-October in the first place."

Jen smiled. "Thanks, Em, you're totes real. Your shoes aren't too shabby either," she added in reference to Emma's gladiators. Then her expression changed. "Wait, you understand why people like Taylor are so popular?"

"Let's just say I used to _be_ in the in-crowd," Emma sighed, plopping herself next to Jen, careful not to mess her up.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No...not really. It's still kinda fresh in my mind."

"I bet I could open you up."

"And how is that?"

"Makeover!" Emma froze. "Oh, don't worry, I'll keep it subtle, I _know_ you're modest and I like that about you. But I also think you need a _little_ pop of color." Finished with her own pedicure, Jen placed the purple shade back with the others, exchanging it for a dark red bottle. "We'll start with your nails, because you wear a lotta nude colors and let's face it, your skin tone's _not_ good at getting them to stand out."

* * *

 _Stunning Sapphires_

Something else stood out much better than Emma's usual nail fare of grays and manilas. That something was a visiting Izzy, who proudly brandished a large number of smoked, whole Asian carp impaled on wooden sticks. "Breakfast is served!" she declared. Immediately, everyone in the cabin rushed out to get a fish. Well, almost everyone.

"I'm tired of Chef's awful cooking too, but does it have to be _fish_?" Dawn asked her teammates.

"Asian carp are an invasive species," Noah reminded her. "You should be proud there's _someone_ who's trying to save the native fish."

"True, true."

"Aw, don't feel bad, Dawn! Izzy of the Wild brought _you_ some food too!" She hit Dawn in the face with a loaf of bread, knocking her over. "Here's my leftover bait!"

"Thank you," Dawn said from under the bread. Izzy quickly handed everyone else some of her fish and they all started eating.

"Izzy, I love you!" Owen declared, earning him an affectionate nudge from his girlfriend.

"Mmph," Tyler said as he chewed on the flank of his, "this is great! Aw man, this takes me back to when my dad and I fished together back home!" He frowned. "Now I can't help but remember the time I got two fishing hooks in my thumb."

"How'd that happen, Ty Lee?" Lindsay asked.

"He tried to get the first fish hook out with another fish hook," Geoff explained before going back to his own carp.

"But how did the first one get in there?"

"Fish got away," Tyler replied. "My bad luck did the rest."

"Aw, poor Tyler," Lindsay said sympathetically. "Can I kiss your thumb to help it be better?"

Tyler blushed. "It happened a while ago, Lindsay, but sure." He gave her his right hand, showing Lindsay the lingering scar. The Scatterbrained Princess gently kissed the scar with her thick, luscious lips.

* * *

 **Confessional – Tyler.**

"YES!" Tyler exclaimed, punching the air. "She kissed my hand! And the best part? She remembered my name this time!" He laughed. "Ah, I love that girl. She's a little ditzy, but no matter what, she's always really nice to everyone she meets."  


* * *

Noah finished eating; his small size meant he was full quickly. "Well, I'm done. I gotta go get some air, the smell's getting a little much for me."

"Can I eat the rest of your fish?" Owen asked. Noah hadn't been able to finish, while Owen had already polished off both of his, their bones hanging limply from their stick.

"Sure, why not, get some more brain food into you." He handed Owen his fish, and left. Owen hungrily began scarfing down what was left, none the wiser to what Noah was actually up to.

* * *

Noah trotted out to the fir tree where he'd hid the idols. He looked down; the ground was undisturbed from the time he'd buried Carrie's idol. He sighed in relief. "Good, they're still safe." He was about to leave when something he saw caught his eye.

It was Emma. But not as he knew it. Her face was much more made up than normal, with slightly thicker eyeliner and more concealer over her lingering acne marks. Her lips glistened more than normal, too, and her hair looked a lot neater than she normally bothered to keep it. It wasn't like her to be that dressed-up, though something in the back of his mind silently approved.

"What happened to you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Jen happened," Emma sighed. "She thought if she gave me a makeover I'd tell her more about my life before Pahkitew."

"Did it work?"

"Not really, I just gave her a few weird teacher stories. I'm...not ready to tell everyone everything yet."

* * *

"Hey Emma, Izzy's giving us a break from Chef's breakfast! Trust me, fish is _WAY_ better than–" Kitty saw the conversation and dove behind a bush. "Oh, she's _not_ going to be happy when she finds out I told some people, is she?" Kitty asked herself nervously.

* * *

"Eh, I don't really care if you don't want to talk about it right now. Go at your own pace," Noah shrugged. "If you're not ready, then you're not ready, and you don't deserved to be forced into it."

"That's EXACTLY what _I_ was thinking!"

"Although I gotta say, Jen did a good job on you. You look great."

Emma stood rock-still. It had been a while since someone her age gave her a genuine compliment. "...Thanks."

Noah looked down at her hands and feet, both of which were adorned with a formidable, imposing dark red enamel. "Nice nails," he commented. "Jen also?"

"Who else? But thank you, I didn't think you'd notice them."

"I did because dark red's my favorite color. It's got red's passion and black's confidence, but at the same time is more reserved than either of them."

"I didn't know you felt that way about art."

"Well, let's say Dawn dragged me to a painting class in sixth grade so she could figure out which colors her synesthesia associated with which feeling, and I ended up liking it more than I thought I would."

"Ah, I see. Wait, you and Dawn were in the same grade? But she's a sophomore."

"Blame Blaineley, she thought Dawn wasn't 'mature' enough, so she made her repeat ninth grade."

Emma winced. "Ooh, tough. Kitty almost got held back second grade for the same reason. But I'm glad she wasn't. Annoying she can be at times, she's a good kid."

"Yeah, ditto the Misfits. Annoying, but you gotta love them." The two then sat there in silence.

* * *

Kitty grinned and murmured "Boop...boop...boop..."

* * *

 _An hour later  
_

"Campers! Tell me, do you like obstacle courses?" Chris asked the gathered masses in Zata Clearing.

"Oh no, not another one!" Duncan groaned. "Would it kill you to, y'know, think harder when you were making up challenges?"

"Probably," Heather replied, earning her some laughs.

"Ah, but I DID think hard about this one," Chris corrected the Delinquent. "You see, this is a two-fold obstacle course. If your ENTIRE team can't complete the first part, they don't get to move on to the second part."

"Which is?" Scarlett asked, gesturing for him to explain.

"First, everyone get into your original seven teams!" They did as they were told. "Now, ever wonder why I named them after animals? So you could have...MASCOTS! Bring 'em in, boys and girls!"

A bunch of interns began hauling in various animals in various containers, each animal representing the teams. The Red Robins had a small European robin staring dumbly at them. The Orange Ocelots had an ocelot with slightly more orange fur than usual. The Yellow Yaks had a yak with leucism, its fur blonde instead of the usual black. The Green Gators had an angry female American alligator, not happy that she'd been woken up from her nap. The Cyan Sharks had the bull shark who'd escaped during the first challenge, his hide mutated from gray to baby blue by the nuclear waste runoff. The Blue Beetles had another mutant, a royal blue darkling beetle roughly the size of a rat. Lastly, the Purple Pigs had a hulking, purplish-black-furred wild boar.

"What's with that beetle?" Dave asked nervously.

"It got a little radioactive," Chris replied cheerfully. "That's why it's able to breathe at that size. Don't worry, _you're_ not going to be going after it, because I'm making some extra teams!

"Ella, Justin, Lauren, DJ, Tom, and Geoff, you are the White Wood Frogs!" Billy came in with an albino wood frog in a little aquarium. Lauren stiffened involuntarily for some reason.

"Cody, Sierra, Amy, Samey, Stephanie, and Sam, you are the Gray Geese!" Joseph struggled to keep an angry graylag goose gander from causing a ruckus its carrier.

"Jo, Ennui, Crimson, Gwen, Brick, and Duncan, you are the Black Bears!" An American black bear was led in on a leash. Surprising everyone, Phil was the one walking it in.

"Dave, Beth, Max, Mike, Cameron, and Lindsay, you are the Pink Pythons!" A five-foot-long blood python lazily lifted its head, stared at the contestants (causing Lindsay to faint), and went back to sleep. Dakota was carrying the python's bowl and sheepishly grinned at her ex-teammates.

"And B, Mickey, Jacques, Alejandro, Topher, and Ryan, you are the Brown Bison!" The last animal brought in was a bull American bison, snorting crossly at the teens.

"Wait, since when were Dakota and Phil interns?" Devin asked, confused.

"Since two spots opened up that needed to be filled quickly," Chris replied. "It'll be a heckuvah thing to put on their college applications, that's for sure."

"Why couldn't that be ME?!" Topher and Sierra asked at the same time, before realizing it and staring at each other.

"Because you two are still in the game and could get an even BIGGER prize of a million dollars!" They looked much happier at that.

* * *

 **Confessional – Max.**

"A million would only BARELY cover tuition costs for the better colleges," Max grumbled. "It's not fair that rich idiots get good educations while I'm so poor I'll be going to community college. It's one of those kinds of things that I want to change someday."  


* * *

"The obstacle course _will_ be very important because until EVERYONE completes it, these guys gotta stay together. And they DO NOT like each other." To prove his point, the alligator snarled at the boar, who oinked at her angrily in reply. "Once the obstacle course has been run through, these guys get to run free. But not for too long, because you've gotta catch them. First team to recapture their mascot and bring them to the Forked Maple wins."

"What about the obstacle course?" Sanders asked. "How bad is it?"

"Dude, you can't ask how bad it is!" MacArthur admonished her. "It might not be that hard!"

"Oh, but it IS." Chris stepped aside to reveal the course. He explained everything.

"First up, the tire walk. These guys have little surprises just waiting to getcha. Next, the four strange ropes. You have to pick between dog hair, red licorice with some conveniently-placed bees, a zapping wire, and wet. After that, the snapping bars, where a bunch of hungry baby turtles want a bite of _you_. Finally, Duck and Cover." Chef picked up a leech from a tub of them, placed it into a vial, and loaded it into a machine gun-looking weapon.

Sanders and MacArthur looked at each other. "Jess, I take it back, it's bad."

* * *

 **Red Robins: Owen, Noah, Izzy, Emma, Kitty, and Junior.**

 **Orange Ocelots: Brady, Katie, Sadie, Lorenzo, Mary, and Scott.**

 **Yellow Yaks: Heather, Taylor, Devin, Carrie, Miles, and Laurie.**

 **Green Gators: Eva, Scarlett, Zeke, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.**

 **Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Leshawna, Jazz, Trent, Harold, and Dawn.**

 **Blue Beetles: Shawn, Lightning, Sky, Jasmine, Jay, and Jen.**

 **Purple Pigs: Bridgette, Courtney, Tyler, Beardo, Josee, and Brody.**

 **White Wood Frogs: Ella, Justin, Lauren, DJ, Tom, and Geoff.**

 **Gray Geese: Cody, Sierra, Amy, Sammy, Stephanie, and Sam.**

 **Black Bears: Jo, Ennui, Crimson, Gwen, Brick, and Duncan.**

 **Pink Pythons: Dave, Beth, Max, Mike, Cameron, and Lindsay.**

 **Brown Bison: B, Mickey, Jacques, Alejandro, Topher, and Ryan.**

* * *

"Good luck!"

* * *

The obstacle course began. It was quickly decided that each team would send up one person at a time to minimalize crowding.

Not that the first leg, the tire walk, particularly cared.

One of the first to go, Owen gently tiptoed on the edges of the tires, which was harder than it looked due to his large size. "I can do this..." Then, a boxing glove shot out from the middle of one and whacked him right in the kiwis. Owen's eyes watered. "No I can't." Then he fell over.

"Too bad, Owen, you have to go back to the start of this leg!" Chris exclaimed. "That goes for all of you, too. Fail to finish, restart!"

"Hmph. Of course those weaklings couldn't do it," Jo muttered as she became the first to cross the tire walk. "This is easy!" She went over to the strange ropes and climbed up the one made of dog hair.

"Looks like the Black Bears might have a lead!" Chris said as Jo easily climbed across the monkey bars perched precariously over a pond full of hungry baby box turtles. However, Jo's luck ran out when, as soon as she got off, she got hit in the face with a leech.

Jo cringed. "Do I have to start the WHOLE [d word] thing AGAIN?!"

"Nope, just this part. Gotta wait for the leech to finish brunch before you can resume your quest for the finish line." Jo sighed as the leech suckled.

* * *

 _Cue montage music.  
_

Everyone else had their own bunch of mishaps. Because of their skinny figures, Mickey and Jay had a hard time climbing over the ropes and the snapping bars, putting both of their teams quite far behind. It was especially hard because both had chosen the wet rope, which made their hands wet and thus caused them to slip off the bars constantly. While the Blue Beetles were more forgiving (except for Lightning), the Brown Bison were not (except for B and Ryan).

Courtney rolled her eyes as Taylor and Heather tried to keep each other from crossing the tire walk (despite both being on the same team), not paying attention to where she was going. She ended up getting hit in the face with a wooden pillar that was somehow able to fit inside the tire's hole.

Duncan decided to play dirty and took a bite out of the base of the licorice rope after he'd finished climbing it. His plan to get Harold blamed for it falling failed because Harold's light weight only put a little strain on it. However, it worked when the heavier Geoff tried to climb it and it broke, sending him tumbling to the ground and landing on his alliance mates. To make things worse, it was then that the bees decided to wake up.

Brick and DJ ran around screaming like headless chickens during Duck and Cover, getting hit with at least two dozen leeches each. Ennui and Crimson simply walked through the fray of flying annelids, and when the leeches saw them their ten little eyes widened in fear and they changed direction so they wouldn't hit them.

After falling off the bars Sugar got bitten on the butt by a turtle. When she tried to get it off she only succeeded in ripping her jeans, exposing her piglet-print underwear to the camera. Everyone who'd voted for her but failed to get her eliminated took it as karma finally catching up.

* * *

"Okay, and now that DJ FINALLY stopped screaming," Chris deadpanned, before putting on his happy face, "we can actually move on to the second part: the Mascot Melee! Each team gets ONE tool to use for capturing their mascot once they've escaped." The interns handed each of them a different tool.

The Red Robins got a bag of suet.

The Orange Ocelots got a laser pointer.

The Yellow Yaks got a bridle and harness.

The Green Gators got a roll of duct tape.

The Cyan Sharks got a fishing net.

The Blue Beetles got a fire extinguisher, which made them confused.

The Purple Pigs got a tranquilizer gun.

The White Wood Frogs got a glass jar.

The Gray Geese got a bolas.

The Black Bears got a trash can.

The Pink Pythons got a dead rat (immediately causing all of them to cringe).

And the Brown Bison got a lasso.

"You can use ANY other item on the island to help you," Chris went on, "but you MUST use the item we gave you as well, and it MUST be intact or you'll be automatically disqualified. Thanks to some help from our eliminated contestants, the Cyan Sharks also get a tracking device!" Carly handed them the black device. "Oh, and Orange Ocelots, Red Robins, Phil and Dakota were supposed to win it for you guys, but failed. Sorry!" Both of them glared at Chris; he didn't notice. "Who's going to get their goat before their goat gets them? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Now that everyone's got their gear, let's release the mascots!"

Luckily, they were close to a river, so the shark was easily dropped into the water. Everything else simply fled. Except for the goose, which took the time to peck Joseph in the nipple ("AGH!") before flapping away.

"Crap, that goose is going to get far, isn't it?" Stephanie asked her team.

"Not really. Chris set up a forcefield using something he stole from Scarlett and Max's experiments," Phil replied. "Nothing can leave the island."

"Then it's settled," Cody said. "All we have to do is follow the goose until it hits the forcefield and be ready to catch it. If it tries to escape, we'll use the bolas to weigh it down."

Sierra squeed. "Cody, you're so smart!"

"Please!" Amy scoffed. " _I_ could've come up with that plan!"

"Doesn't that imply _you're_ not very smart?" Sammy pointed out. Amy froze while the rest of her team snickered.

"[D WORD]IT, SAMEY!"

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

"A bridle! Of all the things we could've gotten!" Laurie groaned. "Animals don't deserve to be used for transport unjustly! Especially not a _yak_!"

"I know, this is animal cruelty!" Miles agreed.

"You _do_ know that Chris is a sadist and it doesn't matter what species you are, right?" Heather pointed out. This shut them up. "Anyway, since I'm the best strategist here, I'll be captain."

"No way! You don't deserve to be captain!" Taylor objected. "I do! Because I'm the best at leadership! Besides, your group is literally named Heather's Devils! Why should we trust you?"

"One, not everyone here's a Christian, two, I just call my clique that to mock yours being 'Taylor's Angels', and three, if they were real devils would be smarter." This launched a massive argument, with the Vegans jumping in.

Carrie grit her teeth in frustration. "You okay, homie?" Devin asked.

"No, thank you for noticing. If these guys don't stop arguing, we'll lose the challenge! And all because they can't decide on who should be the team captain."

"Well then why don't _you_ be the captain?"

Carrie froze. "You really think so?"

"I do! You're smarter than me, at least. Besides, considering what's happening in the world right now, a guy leading a bunch of girls would get a lotta heat."

Carrie smiled. "Thanks, homie." She hugged him, then broke the embrace and loudly screeched "EVERYONE SHUT THE [F WORD] UP!" This immediately got the other four's attention, as Carrie almost _never_ cursed. "None of this fighting's going to get us anywhere. Since you four have demonstrated that NONE of you are mature enough to lead this team, I'm declaring myself as captain. And as I have Devin's vote, I automatically gain the position." The others were about to object, but stopped when they realized she had a point. They'd all have voted for themselves in the case of Heather and Taylor, and each other in the case of Miles and Laurie.

"Now," Carrie continued, "here's what we're going to do. Miles, Laurie, you're good with animals, so you're going to calm the yak down once we find it." They looked relieved at this. "Heather, you're good at planning, so you're going to find the quickest and easiest way to catch it without it noticing." Heather looked proud at this. "Taylor, you're good at ranting and raving, so you're going to scare off any mutant monsters we might find to protect us." Taylor took it. "Devin, you're good at noticing things, so you're going to lead the search for that freaky cow. Me, I'm going to keep you all in line. That sound alright with you guys?"

They nodded.

"Then let's go!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Devin.**

"That's Carrie for you. She normally doesn't like being confrontational, but when she needs to be a leader, she is!" Devin said. "I'm proud to call her my best friend."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Carrie.**

"That's Devin for you. A little naive and clueless at times, but he always knows the right thing to say when he needs to. And he's always so civil and kind." She swooned. "It's the reason I fell for him, to be honest. Now if only he wasn't already dating someone at the moment..."  


* * *

 _White Wood Frogs  
_

"Now if I were a frog, where would I be?" Geoff asked himself.

"Well, frogs don't really like the cold that much, so probably somewhere warm," DJ pointed out. "I guess that's why Chris is doing this challenge today when it's abnormally hot for October. But even with this, it's still a little cold for an amphibian."

"So what's the hottest place on the island?"

"Climate Hall!" Ella piped up. "If it can make a wintry wonderland in late summer, it can certainly do the opposite. Follow me, I know the fastest way there!"

"She does," Lauren affirmed quietly. "We were on the same team when she did."

As the team followed her, Justin approached Lauren. "You alright?"

Lauren flinched involuntarily.

"Listen, I'm sorry I broke up with you over the phone," Justin said as he apologized for a past incident. "We were on tour, and I realized then that it wasn't working out between us. You aren't as comfortable being in the spotlight as much as I am, so I wanted to spare you from further pain." He sighed. "I only wish I could've told you then."

Lauren looked at him. "Thanks for telling me, I had some unanswered questions." She patted his shoulder. "May your next lover be as okay with fame as you."

"I hope you're right."

* * *

 _Green Gators  
_

The Green Gators had the same idea, and had arrived there earlier. Their alligator, along with the python and the frog, went to Climate Hall to take in the heat. However, the alligator was still angry, and had noticed that its potential prey were also there. And it was closing in.

"Oh no!" Sanders gasped. "What are we going to do? I'm pretty sure we'll be disqualified if our mascot eats those of the other teams!"

"Eh, don't worry about it. Then we'll just get 'em 'liminated faster," Sugar shrugged.

"Sugar, that is callous and immoral," Scarlett scolded her.

"Says the one makin' our corn toxic with that GMO nonsense."

"Genetically modified food plants are perfectly harmless for most people! We've tested it several times over. And besides, domestication is genetic manipulation that we've been doing for fifty thousand years. The modern way is just a more precise version of that."

Eva knew that Sugar wasn't one to listen to reason, so she butt in. "Listen, I have the tape, and Val and I are the strongest people here. We'll just get the gator ourselves."

"Booyah! Now you're talking _my_ language!" MacArthur beamed. Immediately she ran over to the alligator, which was closing in on the frog. She tackled it. "Feel the wrath of my glutes, you archosaur scum! Eva, tape me! But not, y'know, actually tape _me_." Eva threw her the tape and MacArthur quickly wrapped a section around the alligator's snout, preventing it from biting anyone. For extra safety, she taped its feet to its sides as well. "That's how we do it."

She got off the alligator and let Eva pick it up. "Okay, everyone, let's go to the Forked Maple and turn this thing in. We've got a game to win."

* * *

 _Pink Pythons  
_

The Pink Pythons entered the Climate Hall a few minutes after the Green Gators left. "I hope we won't have to resort to restraining _our_ mascot too," Beth said to her team.

"Good thing I found a suitable plastic tub for it in the kitchen," Cameron said as he carried the tub, with the dead rat in it.

They quickly found their mascot underneath the control panel. Max gently picked up the snake and set it in the tub. Noticing the smell of a meal, the python jolted awake and sank its teeth into the rat. Dave quickly fainted.

Lindsay cringed. "Why do snakes have to eat such gross things?"

"Sorry Lindsay, but snakes are exclusive carnivores," Cameron replied. "At least you weren't the one carrying the rat. Thanks for that by the way, Beth."

Beth shrugged. "I had to pick up a lot of dead rats back on the farm, so it's only natural I did." She changed her expression. "Now let's get moving! Our mascot's not too big compared to some of the others, so we should be able to beat the other teams!"

* * *

 _Brown Bison  
_

"AAAAH!" Mickey shrieked as the bison chased him.

"Ready...ready... _ahora_!" Alejandro commanded Ryan, who threw the lasso around the bison's head. He successfully got it.

But a bull bison is still a very strong, very heavy animal, so it simply pulled Ryan along with him. "Wagh!"

Alejandro sighed and massaged his temples. " _Soy rodeado por idiotas_."

* * *

 _Cyan Sharks_

"So what's with the shark? I thought Chris got rid of them all after the first challenge," Trent said. His team had found a boat on the docks and were driving it to where the tracker said the shark was. As Harold had been to Master Steve's Boating Camp, he was the one piloting.

"They didn't get them all, apparently," Leshawna replied. "I talked to Phil while we were getting the boat ready so I could check on how ev'ryone's doing. One of the sharks was left behind, and was found a few days ago. They call 'im Fang. Apparently the nuclear waste made him super smart."

"It also seems to have altered the color of his hide," Harold called from up front. "Bull sharks don't come in baby blue naturally."

"And I fear it may make him quite dangerous, for all of us," Dawn murmured to herself.

Suddenly, Trent saw something on the tracker. "He's coming! Quick, get the net!"

* * *

 _Blue Beetles_

"What are we supposed to do with this thing?" Jay asked, pointing the fire extinguisher at his face and accidentally pressing down.

"Not playing with it, for starters," Jasmine deadpanned while Jay wiped the foam off his face.

A burst of flame silenced them. They looked up to see the beetle flying around. Breathing fire. They screamed.

"I think we know what the fire extinguisher's for!" Sky exclaimed. "Quick, Jay!"

Jay complied and sprayed the beetle right in its mouth. The fire-making ability was quickly stopped. As was the beetle, now trapped in a mound of foam, an exposed leg twitching to let them know it was still alive.

* * *

 _Red Robins  
_

"Want some food?" Junior asked. He'd climbed a tree and was holding the pack of suet in front of him. The robin was dumb, and did not notice. "Oh, come on, you stupid – _whoa_!" He fell out of the tree. Luckily, Kitty caught him.

Owen got smacked on the head with the bag of suet. It slid down his face, leaving behind a trail of grease. He licked his lips, then bore a face of understanding. "So _that's_ what I taste like. Huh."

* * *

 _Purple Pigs  
_

The boar roared as it chased after them. "I thought we tranquilized it!" Tyler shrieked.

"We did! They must've expired or something!" Bridgette hollered back.

Suddenly, the boar caught up and began beating them up, and Beardo shouted the obligatory Wilhelm Scream as it did.

* * *

 _Black Bears  
_

"Finally, a use for that nasty food," Crimson said monotonously. They'd filled their trash can with Chef's cooking to use as bait. Duncan, as the designated hunter, had a bunch of ropes ready to tie up the bear.

"Should we play dead if it tries to attack us?" Brick asked.

"No, that's brown bears," Gwen corrected him. "Black bears need to be fought back. But I think Duncan can handle that if it comes to it." Duncan heard this and smiled, blushing a little.

* * *

 _Orange Ocelots  
_

"Here, kitty kitty!" The ocelot heard Katie's voice and turned around, seeing its old nemesis the red dot. It followed the dot into a cat carrier.

"Well, that was easy," Lorenzo mused as he closed the latch to the carrier.

* * *

Eventually, everyone had their mascots at the base of the Forked Maple. "Chris, you promised us we'd get a breather challenge!" Courtney barked. She was quite unhappy, as the numerous scrapes and scratches from the boar could tell you.

"You did. You needed to breathe a lot to complete the challenge." Courtney growled, before sighing sadly.

"A classic McLean ambiguous syntax, nicely done!" Topher complimented the host.

"Thanks! Wish I could say the same for your team, though. The Brown Bison got Asterius here after everyone else, so they lose today's game." The Brown Bison groaned, while their Minotaur-named mascot grazed obliviously. "Meanwhile, our winning team is the Pink Pythons, because they got the danger noodle back here the earliest." The Pink Pythons cheered. "Meet me at the campfire at eight, Brown Bison, someone's going back to the prairie!"

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance  
_

"So who should we vote for?" Ryan asked Alejandro.

Alejandro knew that B and Mickey were both in the Misfit Mega-alliance. But B was intelligent, and...useful to keep around for the time being. Mickey, meanwhile, was not, and his elimination would mean another blow to his enemy's power.

"Mickey. He and his brother are bad luck magnets. They said so themselves. I don't want them attracting any more misfortune to ourselves and to our friends."

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

 **Confessional – Mickey.**

"I think _I'm_ gonna go home, because I didn't do so well today," Mickey explained. "But B told me, or rather, wrote me, that Noah wants Alejandro to know that he's not invincible." He wrote ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"I don't actually believe in bad luck," Alejandro chuckled, writing MICKEY on a piece of paper, "but others are foolish enough to. Now that this will be taken care of...I may need to 'discipline' Devin. His devotion to Carrie, who is no doubt part of Noah's little alliance, may cost us in the future."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Topher.**

"Okay, so get this. I think Alejandro and Mickey are both at risk here today," Topher began, "but I want to create a little suspense." He chuckled as he wrote B on a piece of paper. "Heh, his name's pretty easy to spell. I wonder what it stands for."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Jacques.**

"I am _not_ happy," Jacques said bluntly. "And that wire boy is the reason." He wrote MICKEY on a piece of paper and scowled at the camera.

* * *

"Here's how we perform our eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Six marshmallows sat on the plate, half of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so no drama is obstructed. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Jacques, Topher, and Ryan."

Chris pointed to the lone blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you, and that would be B." Alejandro looked a little nervous; his plan may not have worked.

"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. However, the team's too small for that today." Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Mickey. Alejandro."

The two looked at him. Mickey gulped.

"Mickey, you've injured a lot of people, including yourself, and we don't want that. Alejandro, you're an excellent strategist, and others don't want that. With only one more vote for him...

...

...

...

...

"Well, it's no surprise. It's Mickey!"

Alejandro sighed in relief. He'd counted on Jacques, who hated the Misfits as much as he did, to vote for the unlucky boy.

"At least I got sent out before I could trigger any of my allergies," Mickey said, trying to be optimistic.

"Yeah, good thing indeed. I do NOT wanna get in legal trouble if you die."

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"I haven't had a chance to use my idol yet," Gwen said. "I'm just...waiting for the right moment. But when I have it, I'll use it to get Heather to do what _I_ want for once."

* * *

 **First Intern Confessional – Dakota and Phil.**

"I hate this!" Dakota groaned.  


"I know! Underpaid, overworked, and dealing with mutant wildlife beyond our control!" Phil agreed. Asking the audience, "Do you KNOW how much trouble we went through to capture Fang? I swear, he's sentient or something!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Kitty.**

"I'm so excited! I saw Noah and Emma's conversation today, and I can tell when someone likes someone else." She grinned. "They don't know it yet, but they're in loooove. And I think it's high time Emma got herself a new man."  


* * *

Chris stood at the base of the Forked Maple, the mascots behind him. "Thirteen down. Seventy-one remain. Who's going to find their niche at the top and who'll stay at the bottom of the food chain? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Then the boar randomly began to chase after him. Chris screamed. "CHEF HELP ME THE BOAR'S AFTER ME!"

"On it, Pretty Boy! Pig, one false move and the kids are getting bacon for breakfast tomorrow!" Chef drew his cleaver and gave chase.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 ** ** **B****** ** ** ** ** ** **– Alejandro************

 ** ** **Mickey****** ** ** ** ** ** **– Alejandro************

 ** ** ** ** ** **Jacques************ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Mickey  
******************

 ** ** **Alejandro****** ** ** ** ** ** **– Mickey************

 ** ** **Topher****** ** ** ** ** ** **– B************

 ** ** **Ryan****** ** ** ** ** ** **– Mickey  
************

 **Results: 3-2-1 Mickey-Alejandro-B  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah), Heather (Gwen)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (3)**

* * *

As soon as everyone was asleep, Fang knocked over his tank. He spilled out, the water quickly disappearing. But then he began to suffocate...

A nuclear glow briefly came from his chest. Soon, Fang righted himself and became the first cartilaginous fish in world history to breathe air.

Slowly, Fang began to shuffle himself along the forest floor, bent on getting into the river.

So he could get back to the lake and make a plan on how to get those tasty, succulent, grass-fed monkeys.


	21. 1-14: That's Off the Chain!

**Review time!**

 **Lara 2244: Thanks! I always saw Jay as the more mature of the two, so that's why I kept him. His brother's elimination will cause some important character development for both of them. Yep, the Nemma is coming – soon!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I wanted everyone to be involved so I could give a little development for them all. When I first came across the Ridonculous Race I immediately thought "Wow, if Taylor and Heather met they'd be at each other's throats constantly!" And thus their rivalry was born. As soon as I wrote Chris telling Courtney the next challenge would be a breather, I immediately realized he'd be the kind of guy to twist that around for his own amusement. So there you go.**

 **StarHeart Specials: Thanks! I doubt I'll be able to finish another twenty chapters by next week, as I have other work and fanfictions to attend to, but I hope you like this one! Yes, this writer does something many others don't – research and spellchecking! (I'm still going through all the typos in the earlier chapters).**

 **Guest: ...SERIOUSLY?! Do I have to ban you? Because that's how you get bans!**

* * *

 _Thursday, October 19, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we had a beast of a time! [The mascots being brought in] Our challenge last Monday was a twofer. First, an arduous obstacle course! [Sugar getting bitten on the butt by a baby turtle] Then, we chased the Rainbow Teams' mascots all around the island! [The Cyan Sharks going after Fang] The kids had their little disagreements [Taylor and Heather arguing] but eventually, the Pink Pythons [the python eating the dead rat] came to the Forked Maple first. Meanwhile, the all-male Brown Bison [Ryan getting dragged away by their mascot] entered last, so they voted out weak link Mickey. [Mickey's elimination] And if that's not going to be enough of a shake-up for the Misfit Mega-alliance..." [Kitty noticing her sister and Noah were slowly falling in love]

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Seventy-one contestants remain. Who will ride their way to the finish and who will tire out? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Communal Washrooms_

"DJ, what's hangin'?" Cody asked as DJ entered. He'd gone into the communal washrooms for a quick shower, and was behind the wooden door of one of the stalls.

"Not much, man. I can't believe we actually got to work with animals for once!"

"I take it you liked it, then?"

"Well, not the first part. I'm still hurting from that obstacle course. That's why I'm here, so I can get some hot water to loosen me up."

"Gotcha." Then he noticed something else. "Funny, you're wearing swim trunks in the shower."

"Yeah, well, Momma always told me that some things should stay private, and I've always been a little shy about being in a public shower anyway," DJ explained as he entered the stall next to the Slick Geek.

Cody shrugged. "You do you, dude. Me, I prefer to be _in the_ _buff_."

Suddenly, a massive _thump!_ was heard. "What was that?"

"I dunno, man," DJ replied, a bit nervous. That's when they noticed a towering, purple-furred humanoid creature occupying the stall next to them.

"Ruh?" the ape asked.

* * *

"THERE'S A BIGFOOT IN THE SHOWER!" DJ screamed as he fled.

"DJ, there's no such thing as Bigfoot, that myth was inspired by bears," Sam said, trying to calm him down. The rest of the kids were nearby, as the mess hall wasn't too far from the washrooms.

"Sam, there's mutant _everything_ on this island," Eva reminded him. "A giant forest man would be the _least_ weirdest thing to be made by that." Sam realized this and nodded thoughtfully.

"He's right, I saw it too!" Cody exclaimed. It was then that he remembered that he, unlike DJ, was completely naked, his crotch pixellated for the camera. Embarrassed, he tried to cover himself up with his hands. His nudity sparked various reactions among his classmates.

* * *

 **Confessional – Jacques and Josee.**

They laughed so hard they fell off the toilet.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"Cody needs to go," Alejandro said curtly. "Not for any particular reason, just that he's both part of a relatively large alliance and is quite popular."

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"Oh, there's a particular reason, all right," Heather chuckled. "Because it looks like Cody's perfect in the one place my serpentine Spanish hotshot _isn't_."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"Naked Cody!" Sierra drooled. "My life is complete." She fainted happily.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sammy.**

"Oh, wow...I never thought I'd say this, but Cody's actually really hot," Sammy said, lightly blushing. Then she realized what she was saying and clasped her face. "Oh my god. What's wrong with me?!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

Noah threw up in the toilet. "There are times in your life when you know what your sexuality is," he groaned. "And this one reminded me that _I_ am _straight_." He gagged. "Bleagh..."

* * *

 _An hour later_

The kids were in the Drama Arena. This destination consisted of an enormous set of bleachers opposite a massive screen with a track and a field separating the two. It was covered by a tall roof, which had Chris' face painted on the top.

"Okay, I'll try to have someone investigate whatever was seen in the washrooms," Chris said. "But for now, it's challenge time, kiddies! Say, do any of you want another art challenge?"

"I do!" Tom piped up.

"Then you're in luck, because we're going to be making the art of the machine. That's right, today you're building your own bikes!"

He explained himself. "You'll be broken into five teams of fourteen. Yes, I know seventy-one is a prime number, _Harold_ , I'll explain that later. You'll be sent to the Crafts Theater, where several boxes of bike parts await you. Then, you'll build them up and have them evaluated by Chef, who'll be comparing your rides to _his_."

Chef wheeled in a vintage motorcycle, light gray with red trim. Everyone oohed and ahed.

"Yours probably won't be a motorbike unless you have B on your team. After Chef's given you a score of at least 50% as good as his own, you'll move on to the race. You must race from the Crafts Theater to Climate Hall to Five-Larch Point and then finish here. But of course, there'll be a few surprises along the way." He chuckled darkly.

"The rules are simple. Your bike must be strong enough to hold up Owen, the heaviest person here, who will be evaluating its durability. Because Owen is a test dummy–"

"And an actual one, too," Sugar interjected, unaware of the irony of her statement.

"–he's automatically immune and will not be participating in the challenge. Any vote for him will land you an automatic elimination. The person riding each team's bike will be selected at random: you'll do the same thing as you do in elimination, just for the opposite reason. When everyone's voted, Dakota will pick your team's rider at random from your helmets.

"Speaking of which, the teams. Izzy, Gwen, Heather, Bridgette, MacArthur, Courtney, Amy, Samey, Lindsay, Jen, Leshawna, Jo, Eva, and Kitty, you are the Adventurous Athenas!"

"I don't think most of us fall in that weight class," Eva commented.

"I know, I just needed a good name for an all-girls team. For our second team, I'll need Brick, Scarlett, Lightning, Sugar, Miles, Laurie, Alejandro, Brady, Ryan, Duncan, DJ, Justin, Jazz, and Jasmine. You are the Commanding Commuters!

"Up next, Mike, Lorenzo, Taylor, Junior, Trent, Dawn, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, Ennui, Stephanie, Sky, Sanders, and B, you are the Fantastic Fixies!"

"What's a fixie?" Sadie asked.

"A fixed-gear bike. Only one gear," Trent explained.

"Ohhhh."

"Then we have Katie, Sadie, Sierra, Carrie, Devin, Zoey, Tom, Topher, Ella, Mary, Emma, Noah, Cody, and Dave. You are the Perfect Pelotons!"

"What's a peloton?" Brody asked.

"It's the pack, brah! A super tight-knit group of dudes looking out for each other," Geoff explained.

"Oh! So we're all pelotons, then!"

"Not you two," Chris grinned evilly. "Everyone I didn't call are...the Repulsive Roadies. Now go to your separate centers and build your bikes!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Cameron.**

"I think the running gag of the last team getting a bad name has gone too far," Cameron said nervously. "I don't like it."

* * *

 **Adventurous Athenas: Izzy, Gwen, Heather, Bridgette, MacArthur, Courtney, Amy, Sammy, Lindsay, Jen, Leshawna, Jo, Eva, and Kitty.**

 **Commanding Commuters: Brick, Scarlett, Lightning, Sugar, Miles, Laurie, Alejandro, Brady, Ryan, Duncan, DJ, Justin, Jazz, and Jasmine.**

 **Fantastic Fixies: Mike, Lorenzo, Taylor, Junior, Trent, Dawn, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, Ennui, Stephanie, Sky, Sanders, and B.**

 **Perfect Pelotons: Katie, Sadie, Sierra, Carrie, Devin, Zoey, Tom, Topher, Ella, Mary, Emma, Noah, Cody, and Dave.**

 **Repulsive Roadies: Scott, Zeke, Harold, Shawn, Jay, Tyler, Brody, Lauren, Geoff, Sam, Crimson, Beth, Max, and Cameron.**

 **Test Dummy: Owen (automatically immune).**

* * *

 _Fantastic Fixies_

"I think we can all agree on who's building this," Sanders said to her team. Everyone nodded and looked at B, who was unpacking his tools as they spoke.

"But I think we all need to give him some input," Lorenzo continued. "Any suggestions you have, give them to him and he'll try to work them in. Right, B?"

B gave him a thumbs-up. Then he made a motion with his hand, meaning Lorenzo should start. "Oh! You want _my_ suggestion. Well, I think we should probably go with like, a dragon theme or something, 'cuz our name means we're coming from a fantasy."

"Yeah, dragon sounds great!" Junior agreed. "Make it spiky, but not too spiky."

"A little ghastly would be nice," Ennui put in emotionlessly.

Everyone gave him their suggestions. Throughout it all, B was writing them all down with a smile.

* * *

 **Confessional – B.**

 _It's so nice to be appreciated,_ he wrote.

* * *

 _Adventurous Athenas_

Appreciation was not something Gwen was getting right now. Let me elaborate on this. Heather was commandeering the team without putting her fair share of the work in. And Gwen was proper miffed.

"Heather, could you get that box of chains from over there?" Gwen asked. "We need to figure out which one's going to be sturdy enough to withstand Owen's leg strength."

"Why, can't get it yourself?" Heather asked.

"No, not really." Gwen was carrying five massive boxes and couldn't even see in front of her.

"I'll take a box off ya, pasty," Leshawna volunteered.

"Thanks." Leshawna took the box from the top of the stack and returned to where the bike prototypes were being assembled, glaring at Heather as she did.

"See, your hands are less full now."

"Not really, and besides, my arms are getting sore." Gwen set the stack down and rubbed her forearms, wincing as she did. "Sheesh."

"Break time's over, goth girl. Now get back to it!"

Gwen glared at her sworn enemy. "Even Amy's not this cruel to her sister, though I suppose she's attempting to one-up her instead."

"EAT THIS, SAMEY!" Amy roared as she carried two boxes much bigger than she was. Reality promptly ensued and knocked Amy on her back, burying her in boxes. Sammy facepalmed.

"Thus proving my point," Gwen snarked as they watched the chaos unfold.

Heather scoffed. "You're not the boss of me!"

Something inside the Snarky Goth snapped. "I think I _am_ , actually."

"And what makes you say that?"

"I have your immunity idol." Heather froze. "Yessir, I have a guaranteed one-way ticket for you out of this game and out of historical relevance. And I'm _not_ telling you where it is. If you don't do as _I_ say, you're outta here."

"You couldn't possibly. Immunity idols are invalid if no one votes for me."

"Yes, but if you even get _one_ vote, they'll work," Courtney, who was passing by with the box Heather was supposed to have gotten, pointed out. "And there's nothing stopping Gwen from voting for _you_."

Heather realized this and quietly picked up one of Gwen's boxes.

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"Personally, I think it's in Heather's best interests if she and Gwen get over their stupid argument already. Besides, if they do, then that means the Field Alliance might get another member and if that happens, we'll be stronger." Courtney shrugged. "I wouldn't mind bringing Gwen to the final ten, that's for sure."

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"I feel so... _empowered_ ," Gwen said, in awe of herself. "But I shouldn't let it go to my head. Turning out like Jacques and Josee is the _last_ thing I need."

* * *

"Looks like Gwen's shaking things up!" Chris chuckled. "Will she or won't she throw out Public Gwenemy Number One? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "It's now two o'clock, and it's time we unveil the bikes!"

Chef plodded over to a stump and sat down. "Get ready, Mega Mouth," he said to Owen, who was wearing a full set of safety gear.

"Uh, okay, Mr. Chef," Owen gulped.

"Athenas! You're up first."

Bridgette wheeled their bike in. It, like all the bikes, had very thick pipes making up its frame. The wheels were pretty standard, but the handlebars looked quite elegant. The bike was silver, the team's color, with their logo perched on the back as a flag, as all of the bikes did. For the Athenas, their logo was a visage of the Greek goddess of wisdom herself.

Owen sat down and was immediately in discomfort. "This seat cushion feels _weird_ ," he said.

"Sorry, all-girls team," Eva replied.

"Ah." He pedaled it for a bit. "It's nice and smooth. I'd rather the seat be different, but I like it otherwise. Mr. Chef?"

"Meh, a little dull, but it holds up and the handlebars make it stand out. Sixty."

* * *

 **Confessional – Lindsay.**

"Yay, we don't have to work on it anymore!" Lindsay exclaimed, happily clapping. Then she grimaced. "My hands got like, _sooooo_ chapped!"

* * *

"Commuters! Your turn."

Brick wheeled it in. Their bike was green and looked like a European design for a massive race, with solid, plastic-looking wheels. Their logo was a person crossing the street.

"Oooh, European-y. Scarlett, did you design this one?"

"I did indeed," Scarlett beamed.

"Do not think we did not help either," Alejandro said courteously.

"Oh, of course not, Al!" Alejandro's eye twitched as Owen tried out the bike. "This one can get really fast really quick! But a bit light, I don't wanna break it. Mr. Chef?"

"I'm mostly impressed that you made this out of the crap parts we gave you," Chef said. "Eighty-two."

* * *

"Eighty-two? Why not a hundrid?" Sugar asked her team.

"Because Chef has high standards. Besides, eighty-two is still a majority. We're safe," Alejandro replied.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"That girl," he groaned, "gets on my last nerve. I think this may be my best chance to get rid of her. Assuming, of course, that we fail, which we won't if I'm the one chosen to ride."

* * *

"Fixies, you're up!"

The Fixie bike was by far the best. It was motorized and covered in protective purple plating made to resemble a roaring, skeletal dragon. In fact, it was so heavy it needed an additional axle attached to the hind wheel for it to stand upright. The logo, a sparkling hammer, did not hang from a flag, but was rather emblazoned on the front covering, forming a tattoo on the dragon's head.

"Wow!" Owen gasped. "Wait, how do I use this thing?"

"Same way as a go-cart," Sanders replied. "That was my idea, we all helped in designing this."

Owen turned it on and tested it out. "This is a really good bike! And I like that it's my size."

"Well, B and you have similar dimensions, so we used him to estimate," Dawn said. "No offense to either of you." B swept his hand out to tell her he was alright with it.

"Mr. Chef?"

"Ninety-seven. My bike and I've been through a lot together, so I can't give you a perfect score. Sentimentality and all that useless stuff."

"We understand, your bike's pretty cool," Trent admitted.

"Thanks, maggot. Now clear out so the next team can show me theirs!"

* * *

"WHAT?! They shouldn't've won! It's not a bike, it's got four wheels!" Sugar exclaimed.

"Sugar, they've got a clear advantage over us with B. There's no way we could've topped them," Jazz replied curtly. "Besides, they had no choice. That thing's so big they needed to give it extra support."

"Jazz is right," Scarlett agreed. "Obviously they used the training wheels provided for all of us." Angry, Sugar stormed off.

* * *

 **Confessional – Lorenzo.**

"All right!" Lorenzo whooped, punching the air. "We've got the highest score out of anyone for sure! That's probably gonna net us a HUGE advantage! I'm so proud of my team."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.**

" _No one_ talks back to me and gets away with it," she muttered, the tiny cogs in her mind clunking along...

* * *

"Peletons!"

The fourth bike looked rickety and frail, made of thin metal all around. That said, it also had a basket on the back end, which might reduce its speed but would earn brownie points (which he'd then eat) from Owen. The bike was painted blood red, with the snarling face of a wolf as their logo.

"A basket for nom-noms? Oh boy, I'm liking this already!" Owen sat on it. Surprisingly, it didn't crumple. "It's holding me up really well, too." He pedaled it forward about ten feet before stopping.

"Thank goodness Cody and Mary took both levels of engineering already," Dave commented.

"Mr. Chef?"

"Seventy-three. Kinda boring, but you got it to hold up Mega Mouth, so I'll give you that."

* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.**

"Yeah, I wish it _were_ better," Zoey began, "but the boxes we were given didn't have anything...sturdy in them. I know it's probably just random assortment, but some part of me thinks it's deliberate." She paused. "No, that's just me being dumb. It's chance, not deliberation."

Zoey didn't realize this, and wouldn't for a while until after she was eliminated, but her instincts were right on the money.

* * *

"And last but not least, the Roadies!"

The final team had given in to their inferior superlative and made their bike live up to its name. It was a putrid yellow-brown, adorned with melted crayons to give it an even more vomitic look. The seat was ragged, the handlebar coverings torn, the chains thick and spiky. Their logo was a disgusted-face emoji.

"It looks like oatmeal mixed with glue," Owen commented. He sat on it and tested it out. "It's not very comfy on the tush, but the ripped covers give me a good grip. Mr. Chef?"

"Sixty-three. Ditto what he said."

* * *

 **Confessional – Harold.**

"I'm like, not really surprised that we didn't do so well," Harold stated, "but I'm more glad we're safe. Hopefully I'm the one picked so I can show off my mad biking skillz."

"Yeah, at falling on your face!" Duncan cackled from outside.

"This is _my_ confessional, not yours! Idiot!"

* * *

"And now that you've all passed, it's time to see who gets to ride," Chris said. "Dakota, get the helmets! When she picks one of you, she'll empty it and put it on your head to make it a special little crowning ceremony."

She did, the former camper bringing in the color-coded helmets filled with papers. She began with the Athenas, ruffling through the papers before dumping them and walking towards the chosen biker. Dakota repeated this process with the other four helmets.

"Izzy." Izzy cackled like mad once her helmet was on.

"Jazz." Jazz looked a little nervous. Alejandro was a bit disappointed it wasn't him, but Jazz wasn't the worst on his team, so he at least had that going for him.

"B." The Silent Inventor smirked. He'd built his team's bike, so having him as the rider increased their likelihood of winning dramatically. Unbeknownst to him, Chris frowned when he heard a Misfit was probably going to be victorious.

"Cody." Cody grinned. Perhaps this would let him recover the dignity he'd lost that morning.

"Geoff." Geoff thumped his chest proudly.

"We have our bikers, so you guys should report to the Drama Arena to catch up on the action. You guys head on over to the Crafts Theater while the interns set up the surprises. Then we can start the race!"

* * *

 _Race_

The five racers came up to the starting line. "I just wanna say, may the best person win," Jazz said courteously to her teammates.

"You too!" Cody replied cheerfully.

* * *

 _Drama Arena_

"Why's he talking to _her_?!" Sierra shrieked.

"Easy, Sierra, he's just being nice. Sheesh, there's no need to go full-on yandere," Emma grunted.

Immediately Sierra calmed down. "Sorry, I just get a little worried." She changed the subject. "I wonder what advantage B will get. His team won the first challenge, so they've got to get at least something."

* * *

 _Race_

"That he does, Sierra!" Chris said from the starting line. "Since his team got the highest score from Chef, he's going to get a one-minute headstart! B, start your engine!"

B did, revving up his bike before it shot out and out of sight.

* * *

 _Drama Arena_

"Yeah B!" Owen cheered.

"You seem happy," Noah commented. "Would you cheer for _my_ team?"

"I'm gonna cheer for all of them. I don't have a team of my own, so why not?"

"Fair enough." They sat in silence.

"So, any of the girls here catch your fancy?" Owen asked suddenly.

"...What."

"You know, are you looking for a girlfriend?" Owen wiggled his eyebrows deviously. Or, rather, he tried to.

"Owen, I understand you and Izzy have an open relationship, but in this situation the best solution is clearly _not_ a threesome."

"No, little buddy! I'm talking about someone else: Emma!"

"Yeah, eh, we knoo how ya loook at her!" Zeke joined in, grinning. "We know yoo like them smart girls who are jus' a tad mean when they hafta be."

"I agree, I can see the seeds of true love just waiting to grow," Ella agreed, clasping her hands wistfully and sighing dreamily.

Noah groaned. "Seriously, guys?"

* * *

 _Race_

"Minute's up. You guys can go now," Chris said to the other racers.

"About time!" Izzy said. She immediately began pedaling and zipped off. "YE-HAAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

"Come on, come on, work with me legs!" Cody groaned. He was the least athletic of the five riders, so he struggled more than they did.

He got a little further when a sudden _KA-BOOM!_ threw him into the air and landed him next to Geoff. "Fancy seeing you here, dude," Geoff commented.

"Geoff, be careful! There are mines here!"

"Mimes? Well then it's a good thing Trent's not here." It was then that Geoff rolled over such a mine and was blown into the air. "Oh, you said _mines_! That makes more sense. AAAAH!"

The next part wasn't shown on the TV screen in the arena. As Cody wheeled off, Geoff noticed that an immunity idol buried right next to the mine had been shot up next to him. Geoff quickly grabbed it, noticed it was his own, and quickly stuffed it into his back pants pocket.

* * *

 _Drama Arena_

"WHAT?!" Courtney shrieked. "MINES? That could've killed them! Or at the very least blown off their feet!"

"Relax, Courtney," Phil, who was cleaning up the bleachers, told her. "They're not really mines. They're pressure-sensitive air cannons designed to do the same thing without hurting anyone. Well, until they hit the ground." He sighed. "I don't like it either, make no mistake. But according to Chris, pain sells."

"It does!" Chris agreed, popping up behind them.

Courtney freaked out and fell over. "DAAAH HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE."

* * *

 _Race_

B had the advantage of a head start...that is, until his bike fell into a mud pit. He sighed and began to pull it out.

As he did, Jazz passed him. "Hi B, bye B!"

Realizing he had to work fast, he began pulling harder.

* * *

 _Drama Arena_

Kitty approached her sister. "Heyyy, Emma."

"Kitty, what do you want?"

"Oh, it's not what _I_ want. It's what you do. Because I know for a fact there's _someone_ you want to be with."

"No, you can't. And I'm not looking for a new boyfriend. Besides, who'd want to date me?" She said that last part with a bit of sadness.

"Y'know, short, not much taller than you. Apathetic brown eyes. IQ of 180. Built like a stick." Emma growled and quickly stormed off. Kitty sighed at this display. "Em, you _know_ I'm right..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"I don't know what's gotten into Kitty," Emma began, agitated,

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"What Owen and the others are trying to do, I don't know why they're doing it," Noah started, cross, as clips from his and Emma's confessionals began to switch out for each other's,

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"But I DO NOT have a crush on Noah."

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"It doesn't change the fact that I don't have a thing for Emma."

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"And why don't I have a crush on him? Because he's asocial, snobby, doesn't seem to be motivated,"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"She's uptight, domineering, probably has a hidden agenda,"

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"Crude,"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"A real stick-in-the-mud,"

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"Caring," she continued, not noticing she was now complimenting him,

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"Daring," he added, not noticing he was doing the same,

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"Funny, bold,"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"Sweet in her own way, responsible,"

* * *

 **Confessionals – Emma and Noah.**

Now the final clips from both confessionals were playing side by side.

"Mature, intelligent...cute," they said in their own, separate confessionals as they were drawn together to a single conclusion: they _were_ useless dorks in love. Their eyes widened when they individually realized this and said this about it:

"Uh-oh."

* * *

 _Race_

"Aw, come on! An oil slick? Seriously?" Jazz groaned after wiping out on the hidden grease patch. She suddenly hissed, clamping down on a sudden pain in her right thigh.

"Yeah," Geoff agreed, narrowly swerving to avoid her fate. "Guess Chef's cooking really _does_ generate that much grease. Wouldn't surprise me if we had to eat it at some point."

* * *

 **Confessional – Chris.**

"Oh, you'll be eating it all right..." Chris chuckled evilly.

* * *

Cody panted. "Must...not...get...last place. Need...dignity back." The race had taken its toll on him, and he'd barely reached the larches.

Which was when yet another pseudo-mine fired him much, much higher than he'd ever been. He landed roughly, but surprisingly his bike held up. Then again, it _WAS_ meant to withstand the nearly-300-pound Owen jostling it, so it made a little sense.

It was then that he realized he was in the lead now. "All right! Legs, don't fail me now!" Bristling with determination, he pedaled furiously.

* * *

 _Drama Arena_

"You okay?" Sanders asked Jay.

"I miss my brother," Jay replied, sighing. "But I have to stay strong. For him."

She smiled and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, I have no doubts that he'll be cheering for you."

"Speaking of cheering, look everybody!" Katie exclaimed, drawing everyone's attention. With a heave and a grunt, Cody wheeled his bike over the finish line before collapsing.

"And with that, Cody wins the race for the Perfect Peletons!" Chris announced as red confetti shot out into the air.

"I am NOT looking forward to cleaning this up," Dakota grumbled as she was covered in the paper shreds.

"Codykins! You did it!" Sierra exclaimed, picking her crush up like a trophy.

"Thanks...need...water."

"I've got you, buddy," Tom said, pulling out the latest apple-flavored off-brand Gatorade and giving it to him. Cody thirstily downed the drink to replenish the water and salt he'd lost from sweating.

* * *

Not long after, B, his bike covered in dirt, crossed. "B is in second place!"

"Sorry we didn't win," Sky apologized.

 _It's okay_ , B wrote in the ground with a stick he'd found. _Silver's still a precious metal._

"Not as precious as GOLD," Jacques grumbled.

"I officially hate mud," Josee agreed, equally mad.

At least it wasn't bronze.

* * *

Bronze went to someone else. About six minutes after B's arrival, Izzy crossed the finish line. She was a bit bruised (she'd gone out of her way to find as many of the pseudo-mines as she possibly could), but still giddy. "Did I win?"

"Nope, not really. Izzy, you're in third."

She shrugged. "Eh, at least I had fun. Though the mines could've used a little more fire..."

"Izzy, NO," Courtney admonished.

"Izzy YES."

"Well, it looks like you're safe for now," Gwen said to Heather. "But there'll be a time when you aren't. Understood?"

Heather sighed. "...Yes."

As she left, Leshawna rumpled Gwen's hair affectionately. "Way to put her in her place, Gwen!"

"Thanks. I think this might be the start of something wonderful."

* * *

"Geoff, fourth place," Chris said about two minutes later.

Geoff shrugged. "I've done worse, man. I'm just glad I don't have to vote for my friends."

"Which it looks like _we_ might be doing," Ryan commented. Jazz wearily crossed the finish line as he said that. "Jazz, what happened?"

"I came across the oil slick and fell. My leg got hurt so I couldn't pedal as fast," Jazz replied apologetically. She winced as she got off her bike.

"Not to worry, Jazz, the next challenge is VR so you can rest up," Chris said. "Assuming you survive tonight, of course. Since you came in last, your team loses. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Commanding Commuters, someone's gonna be forced into retirement!"

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance_

"This is a chance we may never have again," Alejandro told his alliance-mates who were on the same team as him as they walked together. "Sugar's not in a good position. She never has been, but I think everyone but her agrees it's time we let her go."

"Alright!" Duncan sighed. "Finally, we don't have to listen to her yak about that redneck crap anymore."

"Yeah, Sugar's too mean even for _me_!" Brady agreed.

* * *

 _Perfect Peletons_

"Noah?" Ella asked. Noah turned his head to see Ella carrying an immunity idol with JUSTIN written on the back. "I found this underneath the bleachers. What should I do?"

"Hide it," Noah replied quickly. "That way, no one else can use it to throw Justin out. Or worse, force him to do their bidding." Sure, Justin was a bit of a narcissist, but he knew from Cody that he was alright once you got to know him. "Thanks for telling me, though. I'll make sure no one finds out." He sighed.

"Something the matter?"

Noah looked at her. "Promise not to tell?" Ella nodded. He took a deep breath and said:

"You're right. I'm in love with Emma."

Ella gasped, squeed, and hugged Noah happily. "Oh, Noah!"

"I said Emma, not _you_. Get off me!"

"Oh, sorry," Ella giggled nervously, breaking the hug.

Then she looked at him and smiled. "I'm so proud of you."

* * *

 **Confessional – Laurie.**

"It's Sugar for sure," Laurie growled, writing SUGAR on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"Sugar," Duncan said nonchalantly, writing SUGAR on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Justin.**

"Need I say her name?" Justin asked, writing SUGAR on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Jazz.**

"We all know who's leaving tonight," Jazz said to the camera, writing SUGAR on a piece of paper. Then we saw what happened to the votes: they were placed in a box underneath the sink, which would later be picked up by the interns.

But as soon as Jazz left, Sugar slunk in and pried open the box with a stick. She removed the topmost ballot, studied the handwriting, then copied it to write OWEN on an extra slip of paper she'd nabbed. She placed in the fake, crumpled up the original, then restored the box to its normal state. Sugar then wrote JAZZ on her own paper and put it in the vote box.

Sugar chuckled. "Who's the dummy now?"

* * *

"Here's how we perform our eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Fourteen marshmallows sat on the plate, but only two of them were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can ride the drama trail unimpeded. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Brick, Scarlett, Lightning, Miles, Laurie, Alejandro, Brady, Ryan, Duncan, DJ, Justin, and Jasmine." Everyone got their marshmallows quickly and quietly.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you, and green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. But something's changed; for the first time ever, there are no blues OR greens." Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you've outstayed your welcome. Jazz. Sugar."

The two looked at him.

"Jazz, you messed up a little today, and you hold people together. With you out of the picture, everything would fall apart. Sugar, your very presence is tearing people apart from the inside out. It seems obvious who'll go...

...

...

...

...

"But there's something...wrong. Look familiar, Jazz?' Chris pulled out a piece of paper and scowled. "It's a vote for Owen. In YOUR handwriting. We told you at the beginning that a vote for the immune results in automatic elimination. So we're going to do that right now. Jazz, you're out!"

Everyone gasped. "But Chris, I didn't vote for Owen! Honest, he's my friend!" Jazz protested.

"The paper doesn't lie." Jazz sighed and decided not to contest the issue any further.

* * *

Leshawna sighed. "Why, Jazz? I knew you were a little forgetful, but you _knew_ Owen wasn't a threat!" She and her remaining friends had joined the CC in grieving their lost teammate.

"Don't be too sure about that," Gwen replied. "He's part of the Misfit alliance, I'm pretty sure. But yeah, this doesn't seem like her at all."

The offending vote blew in front of them. "Wait, Leshawna, you and Jazz have known each other for a long time," DJ said.

"Meaning I should be able to tell if this is her handwriting!" the Sister with 'Tude realized. She snatched it and read it. "See, this penmanship isn't exactly like hers. This was... _forged_."

Realization set in. Everyone turned their heads to the one person who they knew had to be responsible.

"What are you gonna do?" Sugar gloated. "Tryna throw me out's just gonna make me work even harder!"

Leshawna growled before pouncing on the shorter girl. The camera cut out before the violence could be shown.

* * *

 **Confessional – Scott.**

"Guess this is why Heather told me I'd be a target after _I_ rigged the votes to kick Phil out," Scott pondered. "'Cuz we all want Sugar out now more than ever. And now Heather's mad 'cuz apparently Gwen's got her idol and is threatening to use it on her. Oh, and Noah and Emma probably like each other." He looked at the camera. "Wow, what a week it's been this far."

* * *

Chris stood at Five-Larch Point. "Fourteen down. Seventy remain. Who's going to wheelie into posterity and whose cycle's about to be cut short? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"CHRIS, YOU'RE NEXT!" Leshawna bellowed. She'd finished roughing up Sugar, who had a few cuts and a black eye, while Leshawna didn't even have her hair messed up.

"Oh, [s word]," Chris groaned.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Brick – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Scarlett – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Lightning – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Sugar – Jazz (VOID)**

 **Miles – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Laurie – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Alejandro – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Brady – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Ryan – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Duncan – Sugar (VOID)**

 **DJ – Didn't vote (VOID)**

 **Justin – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Jazz – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Jasmine – Sugar (VOID)**

 **Results: 12-1 Sugar-Jazz (VOID)**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r)**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah), Heather (Gwen), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (2)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Alejandro sighed as he looked out the window of his cabin, mulling over the day's events. Sugar had rigged the votes, something he of all people should've seen coming. Now he was stuck with the Pageant Prat while a perfectly decent pawn went to waste.

Though he had to admit, things were still pretty good for him. His alliance was still fully intact. Brady and Devin weren't too bright but were loyal to a fault, the latter especially so as he was trying to escape from the clutches of Jacques and Josee, who were far crueler than even the Latin Mastermind could bring himself to be. Ryan, meanwhile, simply wanted some protection numbers could bring him, and though definitely wiser than the previous two didn't always think that deep. Duncan knew Alejandro was a villain, but the former was as well, and respected him for being a troublemaker adept at covering his tracks.

His love life with Heather was tenuous, always had been since he'd moved from Toronto to the house next-door to hers. Still, she had a drive and a passion to make herself known that he found quite a turn-on. He wouldn't dare eliminate her. Not just yet, at least. As much as he'd like the thrill of challenging her, Heather was too risky to bring to the final ten when the votes gave up their power to random chance.

On the other fabulous hand, though, were the Misfits. Oh, how he hated those wannabes, how they so desired to be in his shoes when they could never earn it for their awkward, gangly way of life. But their flaws put together somehow made them incredibly cohesive. Determined. Yet despite Noah being their de facto leader, he wasn't motivated enough to actually get them to do anything useful with it.

Well, until that short Chinese girl showed up last month and changed all that.

Alejandro scowled. Emma had quickly risen the ranks to become Noah's second-in-command, lacking his experience but making up for it with her own. She'd once been as popular at Turtle Creek as Alejandro was at Pahkitew, but had since fallen from grace. Whatever had caused it, it made her determined for vengeance. She wasn't as smart, but far more aggressive. Together, she and Noah were a power couple like Alejandro had never seen before.

 _Couple._ Alejandro had long ago figured that they'd probably fall for each other, and he'd seen them realize it too that very day. He needed to eliminate either or both of them soon, before they could use their love to undo everything Alejandro had worked so hard for.

But planning could wait until the morning. Sighing, Alejandro lay back on his bed, pulled the cheap polyester blanket over himself, and went to sleep.


	22. 1-15: Chris Breaks the Internet

**Review time! Wow, I'm impressed by how fast the turnout was when the last chapter was posted. I like it!**

 **Lara 2244: Yep! When I'm coming up with ideas for what to write, they usually come out of order in the story (like I'll have the endings and certain scenes worked out but not the rest of the episode). That gag was one of the earliest I came up with, so I'm glad you like it. Luckily, though, Cody redeemed himself and won it big for his team.  
**

 **StarHeart Specials: Thanks! Nemma will rise very soon indeed. Regarding the rest, the grease scene was actually to foreshadow my adaptation of "Brunch of Disgustingness", which will feature Geoff drinking a cup of the stuff. As for Sugar, I headcanon her as usually incredibly lazy but very, VERY stubborn, so when she sets her mind to something her intelligence jacks up a few points.  
**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! Sugar's my least favorite character because she's an annoying, dim-witted conservative, but her chaotic, unpredictable nature makes her a great villain. Alejandro's a more straightforward kind of bad guy, and I never liked him much either because of how heartless he usually is. When I first started watching TDWT about a year ago (as I arrived in this timeframe in 2015), there were often times when I wanted to jump into the show and scream "THIS GUY IS LYING TO YOU, VOTE HIM OFF ALREADY!" Alas, the canon is canon. But the fanon, on the other hand...  
**

 **AlienGhostWizard14: Thanks!**

 **Guest: ...I seriously think you're a troll at this point.  
**

 **FangDriver8: Thanks! In the next challenge, which will be a very shippy one indeed. Mueheheheh...can you guess which episode's getting adapted next?**

 **Guest: Again, stop spamming me.**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! It's just not Total Drama without a little good-old-fashioned toilet humor. XD I eliminated Jazz to show that Sugar's not always stupid, as well as to destabilize Leshawna (as they're best friends and I imagine their dynamic going along the lines of Jazz reeling Leshawna in when the latter lets her temper get the better of her). I'll be adapting a particular challenge for the Halloween episode; can you guess which one?**

 **Great Idea Alert: Thanks! The Halloween challenge will be a bit spooky, but I definitely intend for Cody and Sammy to keep on bonding. Regarding Junior Kits, there'll definitely be something like that in the Aftermaths.**

* * *

 _Sunday, October 22, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – the Tour de Wawanakwa! [Chris explaining the race course] Our campers tried their hands at a little mechanical engineering. [previously unseen footage of Mary tweaking her team's bike] B went big [B taking suggestions] and Gwen went bold. [Gwen revealing she had Heather's immunity idol] Eventually, after Chef gave them the OK [Chef evaluating the bikes], we picked out riders and pitted them against each other in a race! [Geoff being blown into the air] The Perfect Peletons discovered that Cody could persevere [Cody winning] and that Noah and Emma actually _do_ like each other. [Noah and Emma's realizations about their crushes on each other] Meanwhile, the Commanding Commuters discovered that voting for the immune actually DOES eliminate you [Jazz's elimination] and that ironically, Sugar can leave a foul taste in your mouth. [Sugar getting beaten up by Leshawna]"

Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our fifteenth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.

A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a blue world of shifting pixels. Chris, who'd been turned into a silvery being with a compass embedded in its chest where his heart should've been, came onscreen. "They say older guys like me don't know how to use the internet. I say they can shove it. This show's site was made _entirely_ by yours truly. Seventy contestants remain. Who will reach the top of the leaderboards and who will be reported for being a loser? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from a pixellated bush, scaring off a strange green creature with four legs and empty eye sockets. Another came from a file folder, startling a paper clip with eyes. The third camera only came halfway out of a search bar, creating an error message reading ERROR 666: EVIL HOST before the computer promptly exploded.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the internet made flesh, passing Tom and Jen posting on their blog, Lightning photo-manipulating himself to have white hair, Mary studying her Government lessons on a certain online flashcard site, Ella giving a like to a compilation of Datknee movie songs, Scott being baffled by something labeled "Podcast", and Lindsay almost clicking a link in a spam email until Bridgette pulled her away and deleted the offending message.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

Ennui and Crimson entered a certain green-colored website. When they left, their expressions revealed that for once, they were actually frightened by something.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a cursor. The cursor eventually had enough and physically shook them off.

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen ate his way through a colorful mass of candy, but when his movement put three of them together, they disappeared. Owen was noticeably very confused by this turn of events. Watching him from above, Noah and Emma facepalmed.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Justin increased the brightness so he could tan underneath a picture of the sun. However, this meant that Harold couldn't see where he was going, and he fell off the bottom edge of the window. He landed in the trash, which Jo nonchalantly emptied, erasing Harold from existence.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

The camera entered a game titled CODY CODY LITERATURE CLUB. Everyone there was dressed in Japanese school uniforms. The title character was trying in vain to end an argument between two of his fellow club members: Gwen, whose hair was much longer and dyed purple instead of teal, her bangs held back by a pair of hairpins; and Courtney, who had her hair in two pigtails and a crosspiece-shaped tie on one of her bangs (which looked rather silly on her, frankly). Behind them, Sammy, her hair cropped short and tied up on the left with a red bow, cowered in fear.

Suddenly, the three girls disappeared, and "Cody" became a soulless husk. Sierra suddenly appeared from a glitching mess of pixels, her hair in a ponytail held by a white ribbon instead of a braid, and hugged the screen. The real Cody, who was playing the game, fainted backwards in shock.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Trent and Geoff tried to one-up each other on an online guitar game titled STRATOCASTER SUPERS.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Dawn and DJ were in cat person paradise as they played with numerous famous kitties. Among them were a black cat and his ginger-furred adoptive brother, a dwarf munchkin with a perpetually sour expression, and a cat with one half of its face black and the other half orange.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Alejandro swiped left on numerous current contestants before swiping right on himself and looking evilly at the camera.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Devin and Carrie looked each other in the eyes...and then a pop-up appeared with a message from Devin's actual girlfriend, Shelley. Devin opened it and began typing a response, while Carrie sighed in annoyance.

* * *

 _Perfect Peletons  
_

"The lustblossoms are still up. Why isn't anyone going nuts?" Devin thought aloud.

"Thank Scarlett. Her scent distributors are overpowering their natural pheromones," Mary explained. As if on cue, an orange-colored (and scented) mist sprayed out from the one nearest them. "In a few weeks they should go dormant for the winter. Unfortunately for us, they're perennials, as they evolved from regular lilies, so they _will_ come back in the spring."

Meanwhile, Noah absentmindedly stirred his cereal with his spoon. Cody looked a little concerned.

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"So get this. I think Noah genuinely has feelings for Emma, but is afraid she'll turn him down," Cody explained. "It's not hard to see why, Emma's got pretty high standards. Still, I think that she'd probably say yes; although Sierra's nosiness makes her a real handful she's a good source of information. And by the looks of it, we're pretty sure Emma likes him too but can't say it either." He sighed. "This might be a challenge even for me."  


* * *

 _Some time later_

"Campers! Do you like the internet? Well look no further, that's the theme for today's challenge!" Chris announced.

"I think that's a little...cheesy for a challenge theme, Chris," Ryan said. "I mean, aren't most of the memes out there dead already?"

"Well, yes and no. Everyone check your seats for the teams!"

There was some...confusion. The team logos didn't all have the same color. Four of each were red, yellow, green, or blue, with an additional one purple. They seemed to be sorted in alphabetical order, too.

Beth, Brady, Brick, Bridgette, Brody, Dawn, Devin, DJ, Ella, Emma, Geoff, Jen, Katie, Kitty, Laurie, Lindsay, and Sky's had a cat poking its head through the ceiling.

Beardo, Cameron, Cody, Dave, Harold, Izzy, Junior, Lauren, Leshawna, Mary, Sadie, Sam, Sanders, Taylor, Tom, Trent, and Zeke's had an intricately-drawn cartoony eye.

Amy, Courtney, Duncan, Eva, Heather, Jacques, Jasmine, Jo, Josee, Lightning, Lorenzo, MacArthur, Max, Miles, Ryan, Scott, and Stephanie's had a poorly-drawn, screaming face.

Alejandro, B, Carrie, Crimson, Ennui, Gwen, Jay, Justin, Mike, Noah, Owen, Sammy, Scarlett, Shawn, Sugar, Tyler, and Zoey's had a black rectangle with a square hole in the middle.

And Sierra and Topher's both had a black, malevolent-looking cockroach.

"If you got a circle with Ceiling Cat, you are the LOLcats. Your specialty is cute kitties doing stupid things. If you got a circle with an eye, you are the Weebs. Anime and manga is where it's at for you guys. If you got the 'FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU' guy, you are the Anger Toons. Dumb comics with poorly-drawn characters. And lastly, if you got the background, you are the Demotivators. Think of what motivational posters do, and then do the exact opposite of that.

"Now, within your teams are color-coded sub-teams. Dividing your team even further is critical to today's gameplay. Each of these sub-teams must make a meme DIFFERENT from their other sub-teams in their designated category. Once done, they will send their memes to the other teams to be up- or downvoted. The team with the most upvotes after everyone's shared gets an advantage for part two.

"You've heard of surfing the internet? Well here you actually get to!" Surfer Dudes United got excited on hearing this. "The person on your team who got a purple circle is the designated surfer and is more or less the team leader." Surfer Dudes United looked at their circles. Bridgette and Brody's were red, and Geoff's was green. They sighed, disappointed. "They will ride the digital waves while facing obstacles, such as two lucky campers. If you got a black circle, you are the Bugs, and your mission is to crash the computer world before anyone can reach the finish line. At the end, the Bugs will be stuck with one of the other teams based on their performance. Good luck!"

An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a brilliant white void appeared on the canvas screen...

* * *

 **LOLcats:** **Beth [surfer], Brady, Brick, Bridgette, Brody [red], Dawn, Devin, DJ, Ella [yellow], Emma, Geoff, Jen, Katie [green], Kitty, Laurie, Lindsay, and Sky [blue].**

 **Weebs:** **Beardo [surfer],** **Cameron, Cody, Dave, Harold [red], Izzy, Junior, Lauren, Leshawna [yellow], Mary, Sadie, Sam, Sanders [green], Taylor, Tom, Trent, and Zeke [blue].**

 **Anger Toons:** **Amy [surfer], Courtney, Duncan, Eva, Heather [red], Jacques, Jasmine, Jo, Josee [yellow], Lightning, Lorenzo, MacArthur, Max [green], Miles, Ryan, Scott, and Stephanie [blue].  
**

 **Demotivators: Alejandro [surfer], B, Carrie, Crimson, Ennui [red], Gwen, Jay, Justin, Mike [yellow], Noah, Owen, Sammy, Scarlett [green], Shawn, Sugar, Tyler, and Zoey [blue].**

 **Bugs: Sierra, Topher.**

* * *

 _LOLcats_

"EEEEEEEEEE!" Lindsay squealed. "We're so _cuuuute_!" Her team had been turned into a bunch of cats, their fur the color of their human hair, their sub-teams represented by the color of their collars. Lindsay, surprising the rest of her team, was black-furred rather than golden.

"Okay, everyone," Beth spoke up, her authority denoted by a purple collar that sported a bell, "we should probably figure out which memes are the easiest for us to do."

"It's the digital world, remember?" Emma asked crossly. " _Nothing_ is impossible here."

"Yeah," Brady agreed. "Now we can all see that Longcat–" and here he comically elongated his body until he was about the length of a boa constrictor "–is long." He lay down like a real cat would and made an incredibly goofy face to top it all off.

Beth laughed. "Yes, we can. Hey, Brady, maybe this can be _your_ sub-team's meme! But how do we make it?"

"With a camera!" Kitty, her nickname now more appropriate than ever as her younger age had turned her into an actual kitten, crowed triumphantly. She pulled down a camera app from the ceiling. Everyone cleared out of the way and Kitty took the picture, which hung in the air like a painting.

Brady released his pose. "How was I able to hold that for so long?"

"Internet powers, probably," Sky replied. "C'mon, let's think of something else!"

* * *

 _Weebs_

Frankly, none of the Weebs knew _what_ to think. They were all in the anime artstyle now. They were wearing Japanese school uniforms and their hair looked _incredibly_ improbably-shaped. And technicolor.

"How does this make any sense?" the now-pink-haired Sadie asked.

"I think the joke here is that weebs stereotypically spend all of their time inside, and many of us are introverts," Sam explained. He was only a little overweight originally, but was now built like a sumo.

"Well, who here actually WATCHES that junk?! It all looks the same to me!" Taylor snapped, her now-yellow hair suddenly forming into a towering spike and energy crackling around her form.

"Is her power level over 9000?" Cody asked Harold.

"I dunno man, but like, her bills probably are." They shared a laugh.

"Wait, Harold, you've watched a lot of anime, right?" Trent asked.

"Uh, yeah! Gosh, do you _not_ know your own bandmate's habits?"

"What I meant was you could probably help us with finding good memes, since most of the rest of us don't watch anime that much."

"Oh, yeah! I'd love to! I mean, if it's all right with my honorable sensei Beardo."

Beardo made a triumphant trumpet-noise. "It's all on you, dude."

"Awww yeah."

* * *

 _Anger Toons  
_

"What the [f word] is this?" Amy asked. Her team had been turned into poorly-drawn, black-and-white stick figure versions of themselves whose forms seemed to constantly shift on their own like a phantom.

"Anger Toon style," MacArthur replied. "These guys used to be _all over_ the internet. I've read and made quite a few myself," she added proudly.

"NO ONE CARES!" Amy seethed, her head suddenly inflating five times its original size and her teeth audibly slashing out. MacArthur suddenly leaned her head back with a spooked expression as her neck stretched out like Mr. Fantastic's.

"And this would be why we're called 'Anger Toons'," Courtney deadpanned. Leave it to almost everyone with anger management issues to be stuck in close confines.

It was going to be a long, _long_ day.

* * *

 _Demotivators_

"Now everyone is one with their inner darkness," Ennui droned. "Do not worry, my fellows, this is perfectly natural."

"So we AREN'T zombies?!" Shawn asked. All of the color had been washed out of the people on his team, turning them sullen gray.

"We're supposed to be people who are so incredibly cynical that we can kill everyone else's happiness with minimal effort," Scarlett explained.

"Do our memes have to be that sad?" Carrie asked, a little tearful.

"Not always. Most demotivational posters are used for sociopolitical satire. Or just to be really stupid."

"Speaking of stupid, where're Sierra and Topher?" Noah asked.

* * *

 _Bugs_

Sierra was perched on a glass outcrop looking over a swirling, periwinkle riptide of ones and zeroes. It was the gateway to the internet itself. She had been turned into what looked like an unholy case of human experimentation. She looked more mosquito-like now, with both pairs of arms ending in three-fingered hands and a single pair of legs with three-toed zygodactyl feet. She had a pair of short antennae, her nose and mouth were fused together into a long, hollow beak, and her intestinal tract extended out of her pelvis into a teardrop-shaped abdomen. A single pair of wings hummed with an autotuned whine. Lastly, all but Sierra's eyes and cranium were made of black and green ones and zeroes that every so often shuddered and glitched.

Topher's form, meanwhile, looked more like a stinkbug's. His limbs were the same arrangement as Sierra's, only less lean and lanky. His body had been widened so it looked like a shield, with a flat pair of wings on his back. A row of pits for the stink glands adorned either side of his belly, and two long antennae grew from his head. His composition was the same as his teammate's.

"When Chris gave us this team, I wasn't expecting it to be _this_ literal," Topher commented, "though I _am_ liking the extra arms. So what should we do while we wait for the memes to be done?"

"I'd like to check out the show's website," Sierra replied, grinning. "Being involved with one of Chris' projects is a dream come true."

"I'm with you. I mean, he's a flippin' _genius_. Using highschool students because his wife's a principal?" He laughed to himself. "Clever guy."

They looked down into the gaping hole that was the maw of the internet. Then they took a leap of faith and jumped right in, letting their forms meld with cyberspace.

* * *

 _Anger Toons_

"Hey, I just noticed all of our names start with the same letter," Jo pointed out to the rest of her sub-team. "A-team, meet the J-team."

"That's all well and good, but we need to stop playing around and come up with one of these stupid comics!" Jacques growled.

Immediately Jo put her hands out, her elbows facing the ground, and her face contorted until it was both confused and angry. "Y U NO CHILL?!"

"Hold that pose, mate," Jasmine said, taking a picture of Jo. "I think we have our meme."

* * *

Max's sub-team had already finished their comic, so he decided to pass the time by analyzing the codes making up their world. Although together they appeared white, individually they were brightly colored. And Max had found the ones of his teammates, their entire online traffic and identities wrapped up in neat, thin ribbons.

Being poor, Max couldn't afford much in the way of technology, nor was his reputation that good. Accordingly, his own code, which matched his hair color, was quite short and stumpy. His beloved Scarlett's code, which was a verdant yellow-green, was equally short, as she never cared much for social media, believing it far more evil than either wished to go.

Seeing the codes gave him access to all sorts of secrets. Mike's unstable, melancholic blue code detailed how he developed his additional selves. Duncan's black, jagged one recorded every last criminal offense. Sierra's lengthy reddish-purple trail was built from a year of stalking Cody. And Emma's red-orange code, which was searing hot to the touch, revealed the incident that catalyzed her cynicism, the poor girl.

Suddenly, another black code wormed by, and Max reached out for it. It was much longer than the other codes; perhaps it came from an adult. It also appeared to be made of oil, as it very quickly slipped through the tangled mess of ones and zeroes.

Max picked it up. Being digital meant that simply touching it would let him read it.

And what it entailed made Max's eyes go wide in understanding.

* * *

 _LOLcats_

 **Do you like my gift, master?** read the latest cat macro. Geoff had summoned a dead bird and had it in his mouth, big kitty-eyes at the invisible onlooker.

Laurie looked uncomfortable. "You okay?" Bridgette asked, taking notice.

"I feel so... _violated_ ," Laurie replied. "Like, why does that bird actually look good?"

"That would be the cat instincts talking."

"But why do I have them? Is it...wrong?"

"Laurie, I know it's not your lifestyle choice. But cats can't survive on plant matter alone like we can." Bridgette shook her head. "Even we can't live to our maximum potential that way. We evolved from omnivores, and we still are." She sighed. "I'm a vegetarian because I protest inhumane commercial farming. I can't bear to see anything or anyone treated that way. A cramped, confined space, no sunlight...it's just not natural."

"But eating meat _is_?" Laurie asked, skeptical.

"Indeed, ma'am," Brick joined in. "Animal protein keeps our brains sharp. Meat also contains nutrients that can't be found in plants, like vitamin B12, taurine, and heme iron."

"Wow, Brick, I didn't know you knew so much about nutrition," Bridgette said, suitably impressed.

"My instructors back at the military academy were very keen on keeping us in good shape."

"Whatever. Bye," Laurie said, getting up and leaving.

As they watched her go, Brick said, "It may be a while before she learns to listen to her fellow cadets."

"She'll get there," Bridgette replied confidently.

* * *

 _Demotivators_

Noah had just finished his poster. "What do you want, Alejandro?" he asked as the aforementioned enemy came up to him.

"Nothing. I just noticed you seem more irritable than usual. Is it because we're on the same team for the first time in a long time?"

"Maybe. Drop the act, eel, I _know_ what you're really like. Are you trying to get under my skin?" Alejandro wordlessly stuttered. "Thought so. Listen, just stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours. I don't expect you to honor it if we get elimination, but know that _I_ will."

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"Which we will not," Alejandro said, determined. The confessionals were held in a search bar. "I'll make sure that one of the other teams will throw someone out. And of course, _los_ _dibujos de rabia_ will be my target. I'd like Max to be out the most, but Amy's temper, immaturity, and selfishness make her a more likely candidate. But do not worry; Ryan and Duncan are on that team. All I have to do is convince them to split the votes for Amy by going after Eva. This will not only rattle the confidence of the Misfits, it'll work like a third party getting electoral votes and letting a poor choice of president win." He chuckled sinisterly. "If it worked for Wilson and Bush, it'll work for me, too."  


* * *

 _Weebs_

"Hey, string bean, what do you think of this one?" Harold looked up and his jaw dropped when he saw that Leshawna had actually come up with a meme.

 **Is this an immunity idol?** it read as Leshawna pointed to a butterfly.

"Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. Your sub-team should use that one." As she turned away, Harold's cheeks turned pink and his eyes went comically wide. "So kawaii..."

* * *

 _Bugs_

The winged insectoid forms of Sierra and Topher let them glide through the infosphere easily. Eventually they came across the orange-encrusted, blocky site of the show they were on.

"Strange," Topher said when he pressed a button marked EPISODES but got nothing. "It's not working."

"Maybe Chris disabled it here so we don't get an unfair advantage," Sierra suggested. She brought up the character page and grimaced. "Why does it say Sammy 'might like' Cody?!"

"Hey, Cody's pretty well-formed for a guy his build," Topher replied.

"Well, yeah, but only **I** am allowed to fantasize about me and Cody!"

"And they call _him_ the perv."

Sierra fumed. "There's gotta be _something_ out there that puts me in my OTP."

"Yeah, and I'd like to see something where I actually get to show my talents," Topher agreed.

Then it hit them. "Fanfiction!" they exclaimed in unison.

* * *

"Well, looks like they're up to some mischief," Chris, who'd turned into a humanoid version of a browser I don't like, mused. "What'll they find? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris announced. "While the memers are meming, the schemers be scheming! Or they would, if Sierra and Topher weren't distracted. Speaking of, what've they gotten up to?"

* * *

 _Bugs_

The two glitches were at a crossroads of two fanfiction sites. One was dark red, the other a dark bluish-purple. "Soooo, which one do we pick?" Sierra asked.

"Well, the red one usually just has crappy slash, but the blue one doesn't think bloopers are acceptable for some stupid reason," Topher replied. "But the blue one has way more stuff, so we should probably go there."

"Good call." They entered the site, which was like a library filled with books of varying lengths and qualities. A lone computer stood on a desk in front of the dozens of shelves.

Sierra typed CODY into it and clicked the category for romance before pressing enter. Immediately several fanfictions glowed a bright yellow color. Squeaking, she ran over to the nearest one. With her computer bug powers, she could instantly read the entire story as soon as she touched it.

It read A CODETTE WORLD TOUR, and Sierra was immediately disappointed. "What?! _Bridgette_ ends up with him?!" She tossed it and snatched another reading DREAMS SCENTED OF COCONUT AND APPLE. " _LINDSAY?!_ He doesn't even TALK to Lindsay that much!" She grabbed another marked CANDY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS. " ** _COURTNEY?!_** " She grabbed another labeled CHANGE OF PLANS and her frown only deepened. "Another Courtney one! And this one made me an obsessive psychopath, too!"

"Well, you are a _little_ clingy," Topher admitted. Sierra opened her mouth to speak, realized he had a point, and closed it. "I think we should look at some other ones." He pulled out one that wasn't glowing; its spine read TOTAL DRAMA BRAINS VS BRAWN VS BEAUTY. "Cody's not even in this one."

Sierra read it as soon as she came into contact with it. "Ooh, this is a good one."

"And this one doesn't even have us. Though it _does_ seem to build on this shared alternate universe that we've never witnessed." It read TOTAL DRAMA NATIONS. "Hey, what's that white sticker for?" he asked as Sierra read it.

Sierra noticed that CHANGE OF PLANS had a circular white sticker on the top of the spine. Opening it, she found that fanfiction "books" were actually more like a binder, and that one was missing quite a few pages between the paper leaves splicing the individual chapters apart. "It means it's not complete yet. By the looks of it, this one hasn't been touched in a while." She found another incomplete one labeled TOTAL DRAMA UNFINISHED BUSINESS. "Sammy?! Aw, come on!" Next she found a long-completed fanfic titled TOTAL DRAMA LUXURY TOUR. "Hey, I get to be with Cody! All right!" Her smile quickly turned to confusion. "And Heather, Bridgette, Gwen, and Courtney?"

She handed it to Topher, who frowned. "The author's treatment of Geoff is pretty unfair. Plus the grammar and spelling's pretty bad. But that seems to be the case for a lot of them. C'mon, let's look at some more."

They found one titled TOTAL DRAMA WINNERS and another called TOTAL DRAMA ALL-STARS REBOOTED, which both of them liked. They found quite a few by a New Zealandic authoress featuring an OC called Danni Kramer. They didn't like these works very much, with Sierra citing Kramer as an "obvious Mary Sue self-insert", to which Topher agreed. Neither was cognizant of the irony. Then they found a positively enormous one that wasn't even close to being finished; its title, hastily scrawled in pencil by hands too big to use one properly, read TOTAL HIGHSCHOOL DRAMA. Just looking at it gave them massive headaches, so it was quickly shoved back where it was found.

"There aren't enough with ME and Cody!" Sierra griped after tossing aside TOTAL DRAMA: CODY'S REDEMPTION and TOTAL DRAMA CHRIS. "Desperate times call for desperate measures!" She opened her wings and began flying towards a group of shelves shrouded in darkness.

"Sierra, be careful! That's the Mature section. As in, the one full of stories about gore and torment?" Topher pleaded as he raced after her.

"I know! That's how desperate I am," Sierra replied, passing by DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE, the perverse, lemon-scented sequel to DREAMS SCENTED OF COCONUT AND APPLE.

Topher noticed a rack denoted AB/DL. "What does this stand for?" he asked, pointing to the acronym.

Sierra turned around and landed next to him. "I dunno. I hope it's 'Awesome Boy/Divine Lady'. And look, they have one with me and Cody!" Both Bugs picked it up.

It was only then that they realized their horrible mistake: AB/DL actually stood for "Adult Baby Diaper Lover". Immediately nauseated, they opened the review tab on the story and threw up into it.

* * *

 _Nerdinator Studios  
_

Many dinosaurian jaws dropped. The audience was made up of my staff and myself, watching the fanfiction be acted out like a play, so it could be recorded and brought to your universe.

"...We did NOT just go there," Bolormaa, the purple-armored, yellow-bellied anthropormorphic _Saichania_ who directed this fanfiction, said, stunned.

 **"Oh yes we did. Someone needs to call them out for what's basically borderline pedophilia,"** I replied.

"True," Canth, the gray _Acrocanthosaurus_ who chiefed the security guards, admitted.

Bolormaa groaned and rubbed the bases of her horns. "We're so screwed. Alright, roll tapes, go to the next scene!"

* * *

 _THD universe_

"Okay everyone! Time's up!" Chris announced. "I see you have all your memes at the ready. Now start voting so you can get your advantage! Remember, you can't vote for your own. LOLCats, you're up first!"

* * *

 _LOLcats_

The two memes that had been seen in the episode earlier were there. Brady's got 26 likes and 25 dislikes, giving it a mostly neutral rating of 51%. Geoff's fared a little better, earning 33 likes and 18 dislikes for a total of 65%.

In addition, there were two more that until then hadn't been seen yet. For one, Ella stood next to a clock reading 3:00 AM and had her mouth open, ready to yowl. Its caption read **You're asleep at 3 AM? Let me play you the song of my peoples.** It earned 40 likes and 11 dislikes, totaling 78%.

The other simply had Kitty staring at the viewer. **Is a kitty. Is named Kitty. Mind blown.** It earned 35 likes and 16 dislikes, which tallied up to 69%.

"Okay, the LOLcats have 134 out of the 204 possible likes for a rating of 66%. If anyone gets higher than theirs they're definitely going to be safe. Weebs, you're up!"

* * *

 _Weebs_

Leshawna's meme earned itself 36 likes and 15 dislikes, giving it a rating of 71%. In addition to hers, the Weebs had cooked up three more.

Cameron had a smug face in his. **Sierra thought it was Cody. But it was ME, Cameron!** Almost everyone had a laugh at how crazy Sierra could be and gave the meme 48 likes and only 3 dislikes, earning it a whopping 94% approval.

"Hey, you gotta laugh at yourself sometimes," Cody chortled.

"That you do!" Cameron agreed heartily.

Next was a meme the subject hadn't seen. It was a picture of Taylor captioned **"Taylor is my waifu." Said no sane man ever.** Though not as popular as the previous one, it garnered 45 likes and 6 dislikes for 88%.

"Hey!" Taylor snapped crossly.

"Sorry Taylor, but we needed a meme and that was the best we could come up with," Trent apologized.

* * *

 **Confessional – Taylor.**

"I could so be someone's waifu!" she snarled. Then she put her hand on her chin. "Whatever _that_ is."  


* * *

The final thing from these occidental otakus was a gif of Sam making a single uppercut to Sadie. Being digital beings, no one was actually hurt. **One-punch Sam.** It got 38 likes and 13 dislikes for 75% approval.

"With that, the Weebs get 167 out of the 204 possible likes for 82% approval. Anger Toons, it's your turn now! Though I'm surprised Sadie did so well without her other half."

"We aren't _joined_ at the _HIP_ , you know!" Sadie snorted indignantly.

* * *

 _Anger Toons_

Jo's meme earned a paltry 22 likes and in exchange got 29 dislikes, totaling 43%. Hers was the only single-panel comic of the ones made by her team.

Max's sub-team had him and Lightning together. **You're not gonna sha-violate ethics, right?** Lightning asked in the first panel, to which Max coolly replied **Of course not** **.** The second panel simply had Lightning walking off. In the third, Max's face was surprisingly large and had turned blue. He had an evil, crazy grin and had somehow grown a mustache. **I lied.** Unsurprisingly, it only got 17 likes and 34 dislikes for 33%.

* * *

 **Confessional – Miles.**

"That was SO not funny."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Max.**

"Pah, people are just too touchy," Max scoffed.  


* * *

The third one started with Courtney, Duncan, and Heather all together. In the next one, Eva had her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed. **Challenge accepted.** Cut to Eva hefting all three over her head, surprised expressions on their faces suggesting that that wasn't planned. It was better-received and got 31 likes and 20 dislikes for 61%.

The final one had only two panels. In the first, Scott had a ruler on the edge of a table and flicked it. In the second, the noise caused him to have a most peculiar expression: wall-eyed, nose flattened, and a weird shape of his mouth. **Me gusta.** It got 27 likes and 24 dislikes for 53%.

"Okay, with only 97 out of 204 possible likes for 48%, the Anger Toons are most likely not going to get the advantage unless the Demotivators do really poorly. Speaking of, it's time to see our last group of memes!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Stephanie.**

"Well OF COURSE we did poorly!" Stephanie griped. "We got stuck with something most of us barely even know! And now we've got AMY of all people, as in the person who didn't even BOTHER helping us, trying to beat the next part!" She sighed. "I try not to be competitive like this, but sometimes I think it's more than a little justified!...I wish Jazz was here, because she's really good at calming people down in times like this. Stupid Sugar..."  


* * *

 _Demotivators_

Noah found a picture of Chris for his. **Egocentrism. Because nothing says "humble" like naming everything after yourself.** It earned 49 likes and only 2 dislikes for 96%, making it by far the best-scoring meme.

"Good job," Emma told him as he made his way back to the audience, where everyone voted on the memes.

Noah blushed a little. "Uh...thanks, I guess." Both looked away from each other nervously.

Next was B with a picture of his bike from the previous challenge. **I built this from dollar-store parts in an hour. Your move.** It got 39 likes and 12 dislikes for 77%.

After him came Gwen's poster, which had a disturbingly large mound of plastic trash on a beach. **Conservation: it won't happen by just talking about it. Action needs to be taken.** It got 34 likes and 17 dislikes for 67%.

"Is that why you've never joined the environmental club?" DJ asked.

"Yes, it is. Because nothing. _Ever. Happens there._ "

* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.**

"Gwen really wants to protect the environment but never joined the school's club," DJ explained, "but now that I know why it makes sense. We really should be taking a more active stance. Especially here on a contaminated island."  


* * *

The final meme, created by Tyler, consisted of him smushed into the floor. **Failure. Because sometimes, success is impossible.** It got 42 likes and 9 dislikes for 82%.

"I don't think it's impossible," Lindsay murmured to herself for reasons she couldn't understand quite yet.

"Okay, with 164 out of 204 possible likes for 80% approval, the Demotivators are just slightly beaten out by the Weebs. So the Weebs will get the advantage!" He tossed Beardo a green shield with a plus sign. "Virus protection! You can use this as a weapon to fight off the Bugs! Speaking of which, where are they?"

"Right here," came Chef's voice. Chef's entire body was covered in plastic plating colored red, yellow, green, and blue. He unceremoniously dropped the two troublemakers on the ground in front of him. "Found these two mucking around the 4th wall."

"THE THINGS I HAVE **SEEN**!" Topher groaned.

"Well, mini-me, you can redeem yourself by beating our surfers!"

* * *

The scene wiped right to reveal a churning maelstrom of ones and zeroes, a storm over an electrical ocean. The contestants stood at the beach in front of it. "You must surf these waves and successfully get to the spreadsheet," Chris explained, pointing to a grid-covered island far away, "and type your name into a cell. The first person who does that wins the game! Assuming the bugs don't crash the computer first. Good luck!" He and Chef opened a small panel of colored dots in front of each of them and pressed the red one, closing their windows and ejecting them from the game.

A timer appeared and counted down to five. "Beth, remember our surfing lessons!" Geoff called to her.

"Will do!" A high-pitched _BEEEEEEP!_ and they were off.

* * *

Beardo pulled out his shield and quickly smacked an incoming Topher with it. Topher growled and released the contents of his glands, which came in the form of clickbait. Beardo made an alarm noise as the clickbait attracted a click _fish_ which ate his surfboard with him still on it.

Sierra targeted Alejandro, sending stream after stream of pixellated bombs that killed the ocean behind her. Thinking fast, Alejandro snatched a string of code in the ocean that came from a video, which shaped itself into a flat rectangle in his hands. He scrolled to the comments section, typed "THE EARTH IS FLAT" into it, and aimed it at Sierra. Instantly yellow fire roared from the ensuing flame war, but Sierra dodged it.

"Sierra! I think you may want to target Amy. You like her less than me, no?" Alejandro called up to her.

"AND her sister might like Cody!" Sierra added, furious. "Thanks, Alejandro!" She flew off to bug (pun unintended) her.

Alejandro laughed evilly. "No, thank _you_." He pointed the flames behind him to use as a makeshift jet engine and surged ahead.

Amy was busy chewing out the sky, her face red with anger, when Sierra bit her head and sucked all the blood out. Amy's head deflated like a balloon and lost its color. However, she quickly reformed and growled at Sierra, who was making the troll face. Sierra quickly opened an enormous number of tabs, assisted by her extra arms, that slowed the Malevolent Twin's progress to a crawl. Topher arrived to help her and together they fired several bombs at her. Amy was ejected from the game and sent back to the beach.

"OH COME ON!" they heard her faintly screech. They laughed and then set their sights on Alejandro. The uploader had gotten fed up with the flame war and had disabled commenting entirely, putting Alejandro's speed back to normal.

Suddenly, something incredible happened. Beardo rose from the depths, surfing on the back of the clickfish! He still had his shield, and wasn't afraid to show it off. But he used something else instead. He shouted something in Japanese, and a massive, skinless humanoid suddenly appeared from the sky and _ate_ Sierra and Topher. With them out of the way now, he only had to deal with Alejandro. Wait, _just_ Alejandro?

"Wait, wasn't there someone else?" he asked the Latin Mastermind.

"Yes, I believe so."

Their eyes widened. "Beth!"

* * *

Beth was used to not being noticed. She didn't like it that much, but here it gave her an edge. Sierra and Topher were so focused on her opponents that they'd completely forgotten about her. The cat made good use of the surfing knowledge the Surfers gave her, and arrived at the spreadsheet.

Clicking the nearest cell brought up a keyboard. Not having much dexterity with her paws, Beth did the most catlike thing she could and lay on the keyboard before rolling around on it. The random gibberish generated eventually came up with her name.

Suddenly, she erupted into a flash of light...

* * *

Back in the real world, Chris greeted the teens. "Not so dead now, are we? Well, since Beth got to the spreadsheet first, the LOLcats win!" They cheered. "Since our next challenge is a Total Drama Field Trip, we won't actually be going anywhere today. Buuut, there will be full wi-fi use in the homework area for two hours today!

"That's only for them, though. Weebs, Demotivators. You made good progress, great memes, and defeated the Bugs. Bugs, you took out another team AND broke the universe! Your special dinner? Lemon-lime soda and nacho cheese-flavored tortilla chips! In case you're wondering, I can't say the brands or we'll be copyright struck.

"Anger Toons, your memes were the least liked and you failed the surfing. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Anger Toons, because after tonight, someone'll be banned forever!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.**

"Alejandro wants me to vote for Eva," Ryan said as he wrote EVA on a piece of paper, "and she's scary, I'll admit. But frankly, Amy's behavior leads much to be desired, and personally, I want _her_ out more."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Jasmine.**

"I've known the Prescotts since I moved here in seventh," Jasmine explained, "and I don't approve of how Amy treats her sister as a servant rather than an equal." She bitterly wrote AMY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Miles.**

"Max doesn't care about messing with nature. But _I_ do," Miles growled, writing MAX on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Amy  
**

"Buh-BYE, you grapey gremlin," Amy scowled as she wrote MAX on a piece of paper. "Maybe next time DON'T lose it for my team?" She was referencing how Max's poorly-received meme had prevented her from getting her team's advantage. Although she, of course, was equally to blame for their loss, if not more so.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Seventeen marshmallows sat on the plate. Close shot of the half-dozen colored ones. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can decode the drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Courtney, Duncan, Jacques, Jasmine, Josee, Lorenzo, MacArthur, Miles, Ryan, Scott, and Stephanie." Everyone got their marshmallows quickly and quietly.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you, and Heather, Jo, and Lightning are those unlucky fellows." Jo and Lightning glared at each other, quickly deducing they'd voted for each other. Jo was especially mad as this was the first time she'd gotten a vote. Heather was just glad Gwen wasn't on her team that day, for otherwise she'd definitely be eliminated.

Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Eva, it's _your_ turn to have votes against you." Eva grunted but got it anyway.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're no longer accepted around here. Amy. Max."

Amy gulped. For all her posturing, she was frightened at the chance of being voted off. Max, meanwhile, just stared outwards grimly.

"Amy, it seems almost every time you're on the losing team, people vote for you. Strange, huh? Well, Max, you're even stranger. And we don't like strange things, now do we? With seven votes against five...

...

...

...

...

"It's Max who will leave us tonight!"

Max grumbled as he got his marshmallow. "Thwarted for now, but not forever," he spoke ominously. He looked at his teammates, who had scared expressions on their faces. "No, not _you_! I don't hold much against you. Although _some_ of you are definitely worth my ire," he added in Heather's direction.

"Oh shut up, loser," Heather snarled. Max shook his head, disappointed in his team, and left.

* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.**

She sighed. "I figured Max would be at risk of elimination today. His willingness to go against social norms doesn't suit well with many people, and chaotic as he can be, he's undeniably a mental threat. I will miss him greatly. At least he remembered to give me a parting kiss," she finished sadly. "He told me he found something about someone on the show. Whatever it is, I feel it's very important, and I sincerely hope he gets it into the right hands soon."  


* * *

Chris stood outside the VR machine. "Fifteen down. Sixty-nine remain." He laughed immaturely. "Heh, sixty-nine. Who's going to get featured on the Top 10 Lists channel and who's getting sent to the trash next? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Chris, the site went down," Billy timidly spoke as he approached his boss.

"Again?! That's the third time today!" He groaned. "Get me the tech guy. Or B. Either will do at this point."

Maybe Chris _should've_ left the programming to the younger generations after all.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 ** ** ** ** **Amy********** **************************– Max  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Courtney********** **************************– Max  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Duncan********** **************************– Eva  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Eva********** **************************– Amy**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Heather********** **************************– Max  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Jacques********** **************************– Max  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Jasmine********** **************************– Amy**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Jo********** **************************– Lightning  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Josee********** **************************– Max  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Lightning********** **************************– Jo  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Lorenzo********** **************************– Amy**************************

 ** ** ** ** **MacArthur********** **************************– Amy  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Max********** **************************– Heather  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Miles********** **************************– Max  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Ryan********** **************************– Eva  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Scott********** **************************– Max  
**************************

 ** ** ** ** **Stephanie********** **************************– Amy**************************

 **Results: 7-5-2-1-1-1 Max-Amy-Eva-Heather-Jo-Lightning  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah), Heather (Gwen), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (1)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"Oh, I _know_ you're true evil now that I have your history," Max spoke bitterly as he looked at Wawanakwa receding in the distance. His last words for the island were chilling and foreboding.

"And I will not rest until you're exposed for the monster you truly are."

But Max knew he was still being filmed, so he made it unclear as to who he was talking about.

If he was lucky, everyone would assume it was Alejandro he was talking about, and not someone else.

* * *

 **Disclaimer: the views of Sierra Laubach regarding the fanfictions mentioned in the story that don't pair her with Cody do not reflect the views of Nerdinator Studios. We think many of those fics are really good.**

 **Though they definitely could've used a trip or two through the spellchecker, that's for sure.**


	23. 1-16: Niagra Brawls

**Review time!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! What Max discovered will be revealed after Aftermath III (the "After the Aftermath" segments occur after the Aftermath episode itself has aired; only the readers can see it). In an internet-themed challenge, I had to pay tribute to the fanfictions that inspired this one. Unfinished Business introduced me to Codammy as a valid pairing, Total Drama Chris (which I've never read in full due to its incredible wordiness) inspired me to have Chris as the main antagonist of this story, and the rest inspired the characterizations and gags used in THD. That said, there _are_ bad fanfictions (such as those of AlmightyGeorgiaCrusher, who I referenced with the AB/DL scene) out there, and I feel someone has to stand up for good taste in literature, even if it's fanmade. I advise you to go check out the ones you aren't familiar with so they can feel the love!  
**

 **StarHeart Specials: Thanks! If the fanfiction scene doesn't get me onto TVTropes, I don't know _what_ will. XD Fun fact: I copied the previous 22 chapters into Word and the story's _already_ 423 1/3 pages long. And when finished it'll have almost _five_ times that many chapters. In other words this story will most likely end up THE longest single TD fanfic on the site if not one of them at _over 2100 pages long_. Sheesh, I have my work cut out for me. I hope this chapter's title gives you some clue to where they're going. Also, I'm probably not going to adapt Moon Madness as I'm trying to stay away from the All-Stars episodes, and Total Drama S1E18 will be a different, older episode. Hope that gives you enough hints.**

 **Lara2244: Thanks! The strangeness is kinda the point, to show that Chris isn't as smart as he claims to be.**

 **AN: The Emoticon Film is the TD incarnation of The Emoji Movie. In case you're wondering about the victory dinner last chapter, I wasn't able to find good substitute names for Mountain Dew and Doritos, so I described what they actually are and lampshaded that as a gag.**

* * *

 _Wednesday, October 25, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – The Emoticon Film had _nothing_ on us! [Sierra and Topher flying through the internet] Four teams of memes went head-to-pixellated-head in a popularity contest. [the voting] They were the LOLcats [Brady's meme], the Weebs [Leshawna's meme], the Anger Toons [Eva's meme], and the Demovitators [Tyler's meme]. Once they voted on whose memes they liked best, they went surfing [Surfer Dudes United getting excited] – on a swell digital swell! [the storm] The Weebs were voted to be the funniest, so they got some protection. [Beardo receiving the shield] From what, you may ask? From the Bugs! [Sierra and Topher getting into mischief in the fanfictions; cut to them attacking the surfers] Alejandro thought for sure he'd win [Alejandro starting the flame war], but in the end, Beth carried the LOLcats to victory. [Beth typing her name] However, his plan to get unpopular wannabe villain Max [Max's meme] voted out worked like a charm. [Max's elimination]"

Pan out to reveal Chris was on a plane. This time he remembered not to bother the pilot and was instead sitting in first class. "Today we're doing something different. Earlier today, we broke our contestants into three teams of twenty-three apiece. Why? Simple. Each eighth challenge is a Total Drama Field Trip to a location that isn't disclosed... _yet_." Chris got up from his chair and stretched open his arms widely. "Sixty-nine contestants remain. Which team is the answer to 'Who'll win today's challenge?' and what pairs won't be spared? Find out in today's special-length episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Grooms  
_

"I wonder if we're going to the US this time," Harold said to Justin. "I mean, we didn't leave that long ago, so we can't be going that far."

Justin nodded. "I'd like to see more of my homeland. I only saw a little bit of Molokai before I moved to Muskoka, so that's all I really know."

"Hey look, Niagra Falls!" Devin exclaimed. Everyone on the plane looked out the window to see North America's largest (set of) waterfall(s).

"Wow," Cameron breathed, taking it in.

"Niagra falls? Slowly I turn, step by step, pace by pace–" Harold pulled out a pie from behind his back to complete the "I Love Lucy" homage. "Now who can I bean in the face with this so they like, don't mind it that much?"

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, me!" Harold tossed it at Owen, who snatched it out of midair and began eating it. "Ooohohoho _ho_ , black currant! This is fancy stuff!"

"Owen, would you mind _not_ spraying crumbs all over me?" Noah, who was sitting next to his massive friend, asked crossly.

"Oh, sorry. Heh heh." Noah turned away. "Still bummed about not being able to tell Emma you like her?"

"I never said it was _that_."

"But it's so obvious! Y'know, little buddy, maybe you _do_ need someone special in your life. Someone who'll care. Someone who'll understand. Someone...who's able to make you truly happy."

Noah glanced at him and smiled a bit. "For a ball of lard, you sure know a lot about love."

"Helps that I've had practice with Izzy."

Noah's eyes widened. "Wait. Niagra Falls, one of the world's most popular honeymoon destinations. And our team's _almost completely male._ I think I know what our challenge is.

* * *

 _Some time later  
_

"But I was NOT expecting THIS to be involved!" he cried. Chef was packing his entire team into a gigantic slot machine. And a brown bear, on Chris' orders.

Once Chef was done, he looked expectantly at Chris. "Chris, what on _Earth_ is goin' on here?"

"Ah, good question." To the remaining two teams, he said, "Okay everyone, want to learn some trivia?"

"Sure, why not?" Mary asked.

"Each of you have been given a piece of paper with a specific color. I want you to find the person on the other team with the same color as yours. For reference, the colors will be shown here." Chris pressed a button on his remote.

A wall mounted on motorized wheels rolled onto the stage next to the slot machine. It was covered in pieces of colored paper tacked to it. The colors of the papers were red, orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, purple, black, white, gray, pink, brown, chartreuse, magenta, indigo, red-orange, cherry red, yellow-orange, gold, silver, light blue, lavender, and teal. Everyone quickly found their assigned person and waited for further instructions.

"If you got a triangular paper, you are the Brides. If you got a square one, you are their Helper. Niagra Falls is a popular honeymooning spot, and that will be the theme of today's challenge."

"For after all, today marks ten years of marital bliss with Chris!" came a familiar voice. Everyone gulped when they saw Blaineley enter the stage. "Chris and I went on honeymoon to Niagra Falls, in fact, so we're celebrating by making you relive our experience in this special double-length episode!"

"Uh, need I remind you that most of us are, y'know, **_MINORS_**?!" Courtney pointed out.

"Well, you're not going through _that_ part," Chris corrected her, chuckling to himself a bit. "But for the first part of the challenge, you _will_ need to pick a husband. And Courtney, since you so kindly volunteered, you get to go first."

Courtney sighed and pulled the slot machine's lever. She got the bear, which tumbled out and quickly ran away. "Well, so much for that idea," Chris sighed. Courtney pulled the lever again and got Duncan. She picked him up by the arm and dragged him off.

"Mary, since you wanted to know what the trivia was, you're next." She got Lorenzo. "Miles?" She got Laurie. "Bridgette?" She got Geoff. "Josee?" She got Jacques.

"Hey, this seems a little rigged," Topher piped up. "All the couples we've seen are real."

"No, they're random!" Blaineley replied. "See for yourself." Topher pulled the lever and got...Beardo?

"Well, this is awkward," Beardo said, scratching his afro in confusion.

"Just shut up and let me drag you, I think Owen farted in there," Topher replied crossly as the smell made itself known.

"I can't help it! I get gassy when I'm nervous!" Owen called from inside the slot machine. Izzy quickly ran up, pulled the lever, and freed her boyfriend. "Oh, thank gushers!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Chris.**

"It's not completely random. Our fans would be _reeeeeally_ ticked if some of the couples got broken up, so I devised a setup so I could control who got who. And I also wanted to pair people of incompatible orientations together because hey, it's funny. Although...the next bit went a little pear-shaped."  


* * *

Katie pulled the lever and got Sadie. "Well, this is new," she mused. "But hey, if I had to marry a girl, it'd be you."

"Oh my gosh! Same!" Sadie replied happily. They squeed together, hurting the ears of almost everyone around them.

"Why does that _not_ surprise me at all?" Heather asked, shaking her head. She pulled the lever and got Alejandro. "Hm, that's funny, I thought I'd get someone taller." Alejandro stuck out his tongue at her immaturely in response.

"Sorry girl, but Ryan's taken," Stephanie interrupted, before proceeding to get her boyfriend.

"I still can't believe you two were at each other's throats when you first met," Leshawna chuckled. She pulled the lever and got Harold, whose jaw dropped when he realized who he was with. Dawn had a similar reaction when she got DJ.

Now it was Emma's turn, something Chris noticed. "Chef, I thought Noah was with the Helpers."

"Trent didn't want to be a Groom, so he and Noah switched," was the gruff reply.

"Why not?"

"Because Trent's ace."

"Well, yeah, we _know_ he's an ace," Blaineley said.

Chef groaned. "I meant he's asexual, maggots! As in, doesn't feel romantic love or the desire to play the hanky panky?"

"Ohhh!" they said in realization. As soon as Chef turned around, though, Chris and Blaineley's smiles faltered and they looked at each other, worried. They'd deliberately stuck Noah with the Helpers in the vain hopes of keeping him and Emma apart long enough. But the laws of nature, it seemed, had other plans.

Emma pulled the lever. Chris tried to time the secret stopper just right so she wouldn't get him. But his timing was off, and Emma did, in fact, get Noah. "Fancy meeting _you_ here," Noah said.

"Yes, I suppose. Now come on, we don't have all day." Emma pulled Noah up with her hands, dark red-tipped fingers momentarily intertwining with Noah's bare ones.

Watching from afar in approval, Trent and Gwen silently fist-bumped.

* * *

 **Confessional – Trent and Gwen.**

"When Trent and I dated in ninth grade, I heard rumors that Trent had a history of going through many girlfriends," Gwen stated.  


"I did. And I had no idea why! But I just couldn't bring myself to show romantic affection. When I told Gwen this, she knew exactly what I was and told me. I've been a lot happier knowing who I am."

"He's been a great friend," Gwen said, cheerfully punching his shoulder, "and we want to be one to Noah and Emma, even if they're not too sociable themselves. We hope that Trent switching with Noah will work."

* * *

The rest went more or less smoothly. MacArthur got Brody (he was elated at this), Eva got Zeke (who gulped in fear), Zoey got Mike (well, Chester actually, he came out when Owen farted), Ella got Justin (she didn't care, as long as he was nice to her), Jasmine got Shawn (both were a bit confused but shrugged it off), Crimson got Ennui (no reaction, of course), Lindsay got Tyler (who shot out of the slot machine and got his head embedded in the wall), Carrie got Devin (and tried in vain to hide the blush on her cheeks), Beth got Brady (and breathed a sigh of relief when she did), and finally, Sugar got stuck with Amy (and neither were particularly happy about this).

"Okay, we've paired everyone up, so now Blaineley will take over," Chris said, handing his remote to his wife.

Blaineley beamed. Here she was, _finally_ getting to host actual reality TV and not the stupid, useless Aftermaths! "I'll need everyone who got a square slip of paper to come with me to the other concert hall.

* * *

 _Helpers  
_

"For this is why you're a Helper!" she announced as the team looked out across the stage. "Each of you has been given a specific dress, which we've color-coded for this challenge." Twenty-three differently-colored dresses hung at the other end; between them and the teens were several obstacles – numerous tires, tripwires, pillars, and low-hanging beams.

"But I thought white was traditional," Scott said, confused.

"Only because everyone wanted to emulate Queen Victoria when she wore a white dress at _her_ wedding," Jen explained.

"Yeah, before her everyone just wore their best dress," Tom added.

"Exactly!" Blaineley agreed. "Having them different colors is part of this game. You gotta cross this path _blindfolded_ and get to the dress that matches the color of your piece of paper. If you don't get the right one, you have to start it all over again." She handed black cloths to the teens. "This will prove your worth to the couple you're helping out. Now get to it!"

* * *

It was pure chaos. People got tripped and smacked into things all over the place. But eventually, they began reaching the dresses.

Dave was the first to find his, collapsing at the hem of the modest purple dress. Next was Gwen, who'd managed to avoid most of the obstacles and nodded thoughtfully at the dress Courtney would be wearing, which was the Highstrung CIT's favorite shade of green. After that, in order Jo, Scott, Sanders, Jay, B, Trent, Scarlett, Cody, Sierra, Tom, Kitty, Jen, Sky, Cameron, Brick, Sam, Taylor, Sammy, Lauren, Junior, and Lightning successfully got the dresses for the brides.

"Heh, looks like Brightning's not as good as he thinks," Jo chuckled on seeing her rival find his group's dress last.

"Hey! Lightning was blindfolded! You know that's not a sha-fair thing!" he defended himself.

"Dude, so was I, in case you forgot, which knowing you you probably did."

"Ah, drama," Blaineley sighed happily. "But that can wait until later! Right now you have to find the Brides you've been assigned and dress them up! Meanwhile the interns will take care of the Grooms."

"Um, ma'am, do we get to be dressed up too?" Brick asked.

"Nope! And trust me, you won't want to be for part two." Blaineley chuckled darkly and left.

"That's interesting, I never thought _you'd_ be into fashion," Tom said as he approached Brick.

Brick sighed. "Yeah, I've been...interested in that, even know how to sew. But I'm not comfortable sharing it because...I don't want to be seen as weak."

"You're not weak!" Jen admonished. "Knowing how to fix your own clothes is an important skill. Besides, _someone_ has to design the military uniforms."

Brick stood taller. "I needed that, Jen. Thank you."

"No problemo."

* * *

 **Key: first in brackets is Groom, second is Bride, outside brackets is Helper, between semicolons are assigned group.  
**

 **[Noah, Emma] Kitty; [Devin, Carrie] Scarlett; [Brady, Beth] Cody;** **[Duncan, Courtney] Gwen;** **[Harold, Leshawna] Trent; [Shawn, Jasmine] Sammy; [Lorenzo, Mary] Dave; [Laurie, Miles] Jay; [Mike, Zoey] B; [Owen, Izzy] Cameron; [DJ, Dawn] Brick; [Justin, Ella] Tom; [Ryan, Stephanie] Sanders; [Geoff, Bridgette] Lightning; [Jacques, Josee] Jen; [Brody, MacArthur] Sky; [Alejandro, Heather] Scott; [Tyler, Lindsay] Lauren; [Beardo, Topher] Jo; [Katie, Sadie] Taylor; [Zeke, Eva] Junior; [Ennui, Crimson] Sierra; [Amy, Sugar] Sam.**

* * *

 _Grooms  
_

"Nervous, brah?" Geoff asked Brody.

"Yeah, man...what if Val doesn't like me?"

"Don't worry, dude! Just find out what you have in common and expand from there. It's how Bridgette and I hooked up."

"It is? Aw, thanks dude!"

* * *

"I thought for sure THEY'D be together," Duncan muttered as he watched the spectacle.

"Well, yes, in a place where cousin marriage is legal," Alejandro replied, reminding him that Geoff and Brody's fathers were brothers.

Duncan rolled his eyes at this, not really caring. "Yeah, whatever. So who are we voting for?"

"I already spoke with Devin, Brady, and Ryan, and we've agreed that should we lose, we're voting out Tyler. His clumsiness is only proving himself a hindrance, plus he may hurt himself."

"Eh, who cares if he busts his head open? Frankly that'd be an improvement. But yeah, he's a klutz, so we should get rid of him now when we have the chance."

Unbeknownst to them, their target heard everything.

* * *

"Guys! Alejandro's alliance is after me!" Tyler wailed softly to Noah and Mike.

"Well I knew _Duncan_ would do something like that, but it still amazes me how Alejandro's so quick to throw others under the bus," Mike pondered. "Noah, you're absolutely right, he really IS a snake!"

"One of the slipperiest," Noah replied. "Tyler, thanks for telling me. We NEED to cripple the Guy's Alliance ASAP, and I think I'd be able to convince Owen, Beardo, and Shawn to go vote for Duncan. With six votes against five, we're more likely to succeed than they are."

"Good idea, I'll go tell them." Mike left his friends with each other.

"I wish I was in your position, Noah," Tyler admitted. "You and Emma've only known each other for seven weeks, yet you're already closer to her than Lindsay and I have been for the last two years. Don't let her get away, Noah; tell her how you feel about her."

Noah looked uneasy.

* * *

 _Brides and Helpers  
_

"I dunno, Sammy. Me and Shawn?" Jasmine asked as Sammy helped the Outback Survivalist zip up her cobalt salt blue dress/suit hybrid.

"I can see it," Sammy replied cheerfully. "You're both into surviving danger and know a lot of stuff."

Jasmine considered this and smiled. "Well crikey, you've got a point there sweetie."

Sammy sighed. "Though I wish _I_ could get a boyfriend. But who'd want to date _me_?" She teared up a little.

Jasmine patted her back. "Don't let Amy get to ya. She's got _nothing_ on you. And so what if there are a bunch of guys you know who don't see you that way? There's probably at least one who does."

Sammy wiped her eyes. "T-thanks, Jasmine."

"Anytime."

* * *

"You _sure_ you know what you're doing?" Courtney asked as Gwen brushed her hair.

"Of course I do. My dye doesn't do itself, so giving you a ponytail is child's play by comparison." Gwen took the hair tie from her mouth and wrapped it around the base of Courtney's bob. "There."

Courtney studied herself in the mirror. "Hm. Not bad. Anyway, this has been bothering me for a while but I've never gotten a chance to ask: what's with you and Heather?"

Gwen growled softly. "This was before you met either of us. Heather, as you know, wasn't originally from the Muskoka School District, but transferred into it in eighth. Right from the start I knew she was spoiled and selfish, and I wasn't afraid to call her out on it."

"And I guess that's when she stole your diary?" Courtney asked, recalling it being mentioned during the fourth challenge.

"Yep. So I posted about that on my blog, and Heather commented on it rudely, and...well, it kinda devolved into a flame war."

"Is this how you met Leshawna's group? Because it always seemed strange that you're friends with someone who doesn't share your interests."

"Well, originally I didn't know them at all. But Leshawna was the first person to stick up for me online, and I met her and her friends from there. We don't share all the same interests, but we _do_ have similar life philosophies, and we respect each other that way."

Courtney nodded thoughtfully. "Good to know. Speaking of which, who do you think I should vote for?"

"Mary, probably. She's part of an alliance that's pretty much entirely a mental threat. I mean, I don't think I want to hurt Cody's chances of winning, but I think the Geeks might be a little overpowered right now."

"And the Misfits?"

"We can wait to start breaking them down until _after_ Noah and Emma are together."

"Oh, of course! I want to see them hook up ASAP!"

* * *

Emma was a bit more...uneasy about this prospect.

"C'mon Em, this is your best shot! You _know_ Chris is probably gonna try to keep you two off the same team if you don't tell him!" Kitty exclaimed as she helped her sister with a regal red robe with wide, flowing sleeves.

"And I doubt he'd laugh at you for your issues," Ella mentioned offhandedly as she passed.

Emma glared at Kitty. " _You told her._ "

"A lot of people in our alliance were willing to listen, actually." Kitty wasn't afraid to stand up for herself now. "Emma, trust me when I say you can't let this stay bottled inside for too long. It'll destroy you! Look, Noah's probably been humiliated in various ways too. I mean, the guy has EIGHT older siblings for Pete's sake! He _had_ to have had a rough childhood. So the sooner you tell him about your past AND your feelings for him, the better things will be for all of us."

Emma sighed. She had to admit, though her sister didn't always take things seriously, this was one of the rare times she did. And right now, Emma needed to pull herself together.

"Okay everyone!" Blaineley announced as she entered the room where the Brides and Helpers were. She'd changed from her trademark red dress into a sand-colored one. "Time to meet your husbandos!"

* * *

The teams quickly sorted themselves into their respective colors. "I'm so glad there's hardly any lavender in our attire," Ennui said emotionlessly to Crimson. Indeed, the only lavender thing he was wearing was his tie, and the only lavender thing she had was a sprig of tall larkspur _(Delphinium exaltatum)_ in her hat; the rest of their clothing was pure, solid black.

"And I that my flowers are lethal," she added.

Chris and Chef came onto the main stage. Being hosts, they were also dressed in clothes of a similar shade to Blaineley's dress. Well, mostly. Chris' suit was entirely sandy tan, with a dark teal tie for an accent. Chef, meanwhile, only had it as an undershirt; over it were a black robe and glasses, under his right arm was a thick blue book.

"Is that an encyclopedia?" Cody asked, to which Chef nodded.

"Why can't ya just use thah Bible?" Sugar asked.

"One, not all of us are Christians," Chris began.

* * *

 **Confessional – Lorenzo.**

"But knowing him, he probably IS a _Chris_ -tian. Hah!"  


* * *

"Two, that encyclopedia's going to be very important for the actual challenge. Ever wonder why we put such an emphasis on trivia?

* * *

"Well look no further!" Everyone gasped when they saw a tightrope. Suspended over Niagra Falls. Chris turned to face the camera. "Who'll take the plunge? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Right now we're moving on to the actual challenge for today: walking over Niagra Falls by tightrope!"

"CHRIS DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT US TO DIE?!" DJ shrieked.

"Calm down, it's okay," Dawn said, taking his hand in hers (momentarily getting the jitters when she did). "Look, there's a net." DJ opened his eyes to see the entire tightrope was surrounded by a tunnel made of thick black rope meshing, and calmed down.

"Yeah, but you still don't want to fall down. Blaineley, care to explain?"

"Why, certainly! Chef will take the Helpers to the other side by boat. The couples, meanwhile, will have to cross it themselves. Whoever's the stronger of the two must carry the other bridal-style. Once you've reached the other side in Buffalo, New York State, USA, Chef will ask you a trivia question about our sister nation. Get it right, and Chef will legalize your kinship AND give your team a point. Get it wrong, your team _doesn't_ get the point and your ship doesn't set sail. The team with the least points at the end will eliminate someone. If you fall down while crossing the tightrope, you can still get across but your original question will be replaced with a _MUCH_ harder one.

"The person answering the questions is the most intelligent member in the group as determined by that IQ test all incoming ninth graders at Pahkitew must take. You remember the one. For the grooms, that's Noah, Harold, Shawn, Justin, Jacques, Alejandro, Tyler, and Katie. For the Brides, that's Courtney, Mary, Izzy, Dawn, Bridgette, Topher, and Eva. For the Helpers, that's Scarlett, Cody, Jay, B, Sanders, Sky, Sierra, and Sam. Remember that, because only _you_ can answer!"

"That all good?" Chris asked. Everyone nodded. "We're going in the order of who got the dresses, so Marenzo, you're up first! Dakota and Phil will help you with getting the order right. Helpers, go with Chef."

* * *

 **Key: first in brackets is Groom, second is Bride, outside brackets is Helper, between semicolons are assigned group. Underlined is the person answering the questions.  
**

 **[ Noah, Emma] Kitty; [Devin, Carrie] Scarlett; [Brady, Beth] Cody; ****[Duncan, Courtney] Gwen; ****[ Harold, Leshawna] Trent; [Shawn, Jasmine] Sammy; [Lorenzo, Mary] Dave; [Laurie, Miles] Jay; [Mike, Zoey] B; [Owen, Izzy] Cameron; [DJ, Dawn] Brick; [Justin, Ella] Tom; [Ryan, Stephanie] Sanders; [Geoff, Bridgette] Lightning; [Jacques, Josee] Jen; [Brody, MacArthur] Sky; [Alejandro, Heather] Scott; [Tyler, Lindsay] Lauren; [Beardo, Topher] Jo; [Katie, Sadie] Taylor; [Zeke, Eva] Junior; [Ennui, Crimson] Sierra; [Amy, Sugar] Sam.**

* * *

 _Purple Team: Marenzo_

Lorenzo wasn't the strongest person, so he and Mary wound up getting the harder question. "Originally, you were going to be asked the identity of the state insect of New Jersey," Chef began, his encyclopedia open to the right page. "Now you must tell me: what are the scientific names of _both_ of South Carolina's state insects?"

"The first one is _Papilio glaucus_ , the eastern tiger swallowtail," Mary began. "The second..." she froze. "Shoot, I don't know it!"

"The second is _Stagmomantis carolina_ , the Carolina mantis," Chef answered. "Current score is 0-0-0."

* * *

 _Green Team: Courtcan  
_

As they crossed a few seconds later, Duncan carrying Courtney, he asked her "Why am _I_ carrying _you_ , princess? You're stronger _and_ taller than me."

"Duncan, you're more than strong enough to carry me," Courtney replied bluntly. "That, and heels aren't the best shoes to wear when you're walking on a tightrope." To prove her point, she lifted her left leg to show Duncan her peeptoe pump-clad foot, her onyx-polished toenails peeking out of the tip.

"Fair enough."

They reached the other side. Chef flipped to another page in his encyclopedia. "Niagra Falls actually consists of three waterfalls; the one behind us is the only one that's on the Canadian side of the border AND on the American side. Which of the three did you cross?"

"Oh, that's easy," Courtney replied. "Horseshoe Falls!"

"Correct. Current score is 0-1-0. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"I'd rather be with Gwen," Duncan scoffed. "Courtney's been really fussy lately, but Gwen...she doesn't care about the kind of stuff Courtney does. So as soon as I get rid of Psycho, it's Goth Girl for breakfast. But not in that way, I'm not ready for that yet."  


* * *

The following crossings were mostly uneventful.

* * *

 _Gold Team: Beardoffer_

"In which state is firing a catapult illegal?" Chef asked Topher. Both boys wore matching metallic gold suits.

"Hm, probably somewhere stupid...Montana?"

"Close, but incorrect. The correct answer is Colorado. Current score is 0-1-0."

"Fine by me, Topher and I are straight anyways," Beardo said, before he and Topher quickly ran off in opposite directions.

Jo watched them flee and facepalmed. "Lightweights."

* * *

 _Cherry Red Team: Aleheather_

"Normally I don't like you, but you really look nice in this color," Heather commented as they stepped off the tightrope. Alejandro was wearing his usual shirt (which turned out to be the almost the same color red as he was assigned) and matching slacks, while Heather was wearing a very skimpy spaghetti-strap dress that left little to the imagination (not that Alejandro needed it).

" _Te amo tambien, mi amor._ Sr. Chef, what is my question for today?"

"You think you know foreign languages, Diplobrat? Then tell me which language gave Massachusetts its name."

"The Massachusett tribe spoke Wopanaak, and the tribe's name means 'big mountain', which the state has many of."

"Correct. Current score is 1-1-0. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

* * *

 _Chartreuse Team: Stephryanie_

Ryan and Stephanie were both wearing modest chartreuse suits, but it was Sanders who was answering the question. "The two states that do not observe Daylight Savings Time are Hawaii and Arizona."

"Correct. Current score is 1-1-1. I now pronounce your friends an item."

"Yes!" Stephanie punched the air.

* * *

 **Current scores:**

 **Grooms** ** **– 1/8, 0 missed  
****

 **Brides** ** ** **– 1/7, 2 missed  
******

 **Helpers** ** ** **– 1/8, 0 missed  
******

* * *

 _Black Team: M'laurie_

"Uh, are there 500 miles worth of bookshelves in the Library of Congress?" Jay asked. Since Miles and Laurie, both clad in all-natural black cotton dresses, had fallen off the tightrope, he'd gotten this question instead of where the library was located.

"Incorrect. The correct answer is 838 miles. Current score is 1-1-1."

"Well, we all know the president of the US wouldn't _want_ us to get married anyway," Miles grumbled.

"At least New York's a liberal state," Laurie murmured, "and doesn't think a tangerine is an acceptable elected official."

* * *

 _White Team: Zoke_

"Where did modern American Sign Language originate?" Chef asked B, who signed the answer since he couldn't speak and didn't have any paper on him. "You're saying that Hartford, Connecticut is the most commonly-believed location of its invention, so that means you are correct. Current score is 1-1-2. I now pronounce your friends an item."

"Yeep!" Zoey, wearing a pimped-out white dress with a common daisy in her hair, squeaked. "This is so exciting!"

"Yeah!" Mike, wearing a simple white suit, agreed. "Though I'm just glad Svetlana was willing to do the tightrope part and not _me_!"

 _Well when was last time I had tightrope fun, da?_ Svetlana mentally asked him. _She's good catch, Mike. Keep her_ , she added with regards to Zoey, though she said it quietly enough so he couldn't hear or feel it.

* * *

 _Cyan Team: Leharold  
_

"So many people will laugh at me for not being able to carry you," Harold, dressed in a simple cyan sweater and matching sweatpants, muttered. Leshawna, who was wearing an elegant sky blue dress, was carrying him in her arms like a baby.

"Don't worry about it. I'm a big girl and you're a little man. I don't want to accidentally hurt you." Harold smiled at this, reminding her of a question that had bugged her for years. "String bean, I hafta ask: why do you like me? Is it because you've got a thing for black women?"

"No! Not that I don't think you're beautiful, it's just..." Harold thought for a bit, trying to figure out the best way to keep his foot out of his mouth, "I like you because you're so bold. You stand up for yourself, and for a lot of people, and don't let up until everyone gets fair treatment. I admire you for that."

"Well shucks, Harold," Leshawna chuckled. "I hafta admit, I think you're pretty good at that too. Plus your enthusiasm's cute. I could try dating you after the game, but you'll have to wait until then."

"I've waited this long," Harold said, secretly trying to hold back his urge to do the happy dance. Then his face fell. "Please, Leshawna, if your team _does_ get elimination, don't vote for Mary. The Geek Alliance is having enough of a hard time staying strong as it is."

"Don't worry, Mary's cool with me. It's Heather I want gone, even more than Sugar; she may have voted off my best friend, but at least Sugar's not in an alliance. As long as we're discussing votin', maybe you should vote for Duncan."

"Yeah, the Misfits made a deal to help us if we help them, and I think they want him out too. Something about him being allied with Alejandro or whatever, gosh, I can't remember. But Duncan _really_ hates me just for existing, so I'll vote for him too and help."

"Speaking of helping, what about helping _us_?" Trent asked when they reached the other side.

"Sure thing. Chef?" Harold asked, hopping to his feet from Leshawna's hold.

"What is the largest grocery store chain in the United States?"

"Walmart, with 3522 national and 699 neighborhood stores as well as 660 Sam's Clubs for a grand total of 4881 locations."

"Correct. Current score is 2-1-2. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

"Suh-WEET!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Harold.**

"Eat THAT, Jacques and Josee's friends! I just confessed to the girl of my dreams and she said she'll try! But I shouldn't celebrate until Nemma becomes canon. I've shipped those two since I met Emma in my history class." He paused. "No, it's _not_ weird! Gosh!"  


* * *

 _Orange Team: Carrivin_

"I can't believe _I'm_ wearing a dress too," Devin said as he approached the other side. He and Carrie were wearing matching orange dresses. "Is it because Chris doesn't like me?"

"Perhaps. He _does_ seem to make it fairly obvious who he dislikes," Scarlett noted.

"Don't worry, you look great regardless," Carrie cut in. "Shelley might be set in the 'traditional' ways, but I am most certainly _not_."

"Thanks Carrie," Devin said, perking up at bit.

"Scarlett," Chef began, "you're from England, right?"

"Indeed I am."

"Then tell me who King George the Third's queen was."

"How's that relevant to US history?" Devin asked.

"Because King George the Third was the one ruling England during the American Revolution," Scarlett explained. "His queen consort was Sophia Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, born May 19th, 1744 and dead November 17th, 1818."

"Correct. Current score is 2-1-3. I now pronounce your friends an item." Carrie blushed hard, something only Scarlett noticed.

* * *

"Well, we're a little over a third of the way through, so it's a good time for a break!" Chris announced. "Who'll get the questions right next? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris announced. "Nine groups have gotten across the tightrope, but only six have gotten the questions right."

"So now we're waiting to see if Trent's lucky number truly is," Blaineley added. "Although seriously, what's the hold-up?"

* * *

 _Yellow Team: Bradybeth_

"Sorry about that! That tightrope was harder to walk on than I thought," Brady apologized as he hoisted himself and Beth out of the net. He was wearing a black suit with a yellow undershirt and a daffodil in his lapel, whereas Beth was wearing a yellow sundress.

"Cody, originally you were going to be asked when Atlanta, Georgia was founded," Chef said to the Slick Geek. "But now you must tell me what its original name was."

"Uh...crap, I don't know."

"Its original name was Terminus. Current score is 2-1-3."

"At least you tried, Cody," Beth said, trying to sound optimistic.

"Yeah, at least there's that," Cody admitted. "But hey, you learn something new anyway."

* * *

 _Lavender Team: Crimsonnui_

"Sierra, where did Edgar Allan Poe go to college?"

"Ooh, ooh, I know this one! He went to the University of Virginia but only for a year because he ran out of money."

"Correct. Current score is 2-1-4. I now pronounce your friends an item."

"I'm surprised you know so much about our favorite writer," Crimson told Sierra monotonously, though for once she and Ennui were subtly smiling.

"Poe's always been one of my favorites too. Now let's get out for the next people!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"Am I a little upset that I can't 'marry' Cody?" Sierra asked rhetorically. "Well, DUH! But I made some new friends today, so it's not _all_ that bad."  


* * *

 _Brown Team: Justella_

"Cody once told me you're looking for a female vocalist," Ella said as they crossed. She was wearing a humble brown frock, he had a darker brown suit with a matching cape. "Are you?"

"Yeah, and he's right in that you'd be perfect for it."

" _Thank you!~_ " she sang. Justin stared at her, confused, and she rubbed her arm nervously. "Um, sorry, I have echolalia and I tend to sing at inopportune times."

"S'okay, at least you're honest about it." They reached the other side.

"Fine time seeing you," Chef said. "Justin, which state has a mashed potato wrestling contest?"

"The state with the most potatoes, of course! It's Idaho."

"Incorrect. The correct answer is South Dakota."

" _What?!_ "

"I know, it's weird, but it's true. Current score is 2-1-4."

"Don't feel bad, I would've gotten it wrong myself," Ella said reassuringly.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.**

"Of course she would! She's Ella!"  


* * *

 **Current scores:**

 **Grooms** ** **– 2/8, 1 missed  
****

 **Brides** ** ** **– 1/7, 2 missed  
******

 **Helpers** ** ** **– 4/8, 2 missed******

* * *

 _Red Team: Nemma_

Noah, dressed in a normal suit with a red bowtie, struggled to pick Emma up. "Ergh...gurk...GACK! Gah...I hate being skinny."

"Perhaps you would do better with someone not as big as you," Jacques said. He and Josee were both wearing glittery indigo ice dancing uniforms.

"Yes, like a parakeet!" Josee agreed. They laughed at their adversaries (despite technically being on the same teams). Noah frowned and managed to pick her up at last.

"C'mon, let's go," he grumbled as he walked onto the tightrope, careful not to slip.

"Couldn't agree more," Emma agreed, flipping them off (her hand pixellated when she did so) as she and Noah faded into the distance.

Josee growled. "How DARE she insult us! Jacques, we're going to go after them and beat them to the other side."

"A wise move. They'll be stuck with a hard question and we'll VOTE THEM OUT!" He easily picked up his smaller girlfriend with his much bigger muscles and pranced along the tightrope.

"[S word] [s word] [s word] [s word] [S WORD]!" Emma gulped. "Noah, they're gaining on us!"

"I know! I'm going as fast as I can!"

But it wasn't fast enough. Jacques plowed into them and sent them painfully into the net. He and Josee cackled evilly as they arrived at the other side.

* * *

 _Indigo Team: Jacsee_

"What do you MEAN we have to wait?!" Jacques exclaimed.

"That's the rules. You HAVE to come in the order the dresses were obtained!" Chef barked back. "Now everyone has to wait until Noah and Emma come up."

* * *

 _Red-orange Team: Brodarthur_

"Thanks a lot, ice nerds!" MacArthur hollered from the other side of the falls. She and Brody were wearing matching white-spotted vermillion speedos. More quietly, she said "I hope they're alright."

"Me too, brah," Brody said, putting his hand on her shoulder. Normally he'd be unable to, but this situation was serious. "Me too."

* * *

 _Red Team: Nemma  
_

Noah groaned. "Ow..." He lifted his face off the mesh, revealing the gridded marks in his cheeks. He shook his head and the marks disappeared. Then he heard sobbing and found Emma curled up in the fetal position. "Emma? You alright?"

"No! I'm NOT! I've been nothing but humiliated on this piece of crap show!" she wept. "And for what? So some middle-aged, washed-up jerk can have one last taste of the limelight?"

"Emma, we've ALL been humiliated by this show." Suddenly, it clicked, and he understood everything. "Wait, this runs deep, doesn't it? This has something to do with what happened at Turtle Creek, doesn't it?"

"...Kitty told you too?"

"No, she didn't say anything. But I remember you saying you used to be popular but aren't now back in the grease challenge. I figured something at your old school had to have caused your fall from grace."

"It was less a fall and more like a forcible shove off it."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know...we're on TV..."

"And I don't give a [f word]. Emma, please. You can tell me anything. I promise, I won't laugh."

Emma looked at his face and saw he was being genuine. She sighed. "I knew I was only going to stay at Turtle Creek for only two years; my parents' jobs move around a lot. But for a while, those years were the best of my life. I made friends with _the_ most popular clique of girls and boys, even had a boyfriend named Jake.

"But there was something different between us. My friends used their popularity simply to feed their lust for attention. I used it to be a role model and bring people together. They never understood why. And Jake was always distant. It wasn't until my last day there that I discovered the truth..."

Through the magic power of fiction, Noah saw exactly what happened.

 _June 16th, 2017. The last day of tenth grade. A much younger and chipper-looking Emma stood in front of a mass of people on the patio behind the school. "Well, I may no longer be in regular contact with you guys," she said, "but I hope to keep in touch!"_

 _"Oh, Emma," a brown-eyed blonde named Brenda chuckled, "about that..."_

 _She suddenly lunged forward and knocked Emma to the ground. Brenda and several others ganged up on her and began kicking and hitting her. They cleared away, and Emma was lifted to her feet by her hair. Jake, whose black eyes and hair matched his heart, sneered at her. Then he dropped her on the hard concrete ground and whistled. Several more people came forward and began hitting her with water balloons mixed with flour._

 _When they were done, Emma's clothes were torn, her body scraped and bruised, and she was dripping in paste. But that was nothing compared to the turmoil inside her mind when everything was revealed._

 _"We were NEVER your friends!" Brenda snarled. "You think just ANYONE can be popular?"_

 _"Yeah!" a brown-eyed brunette boy, Carson, agreed. "Only, like, people like us are truly worthy of it."_

 _"You need to be BORN popular!" a gray-eyed noirette, Vera, jumped in._

 _"But you were so naive and foolish," Jake said, his voice dripping more oilily than Alejandro's would if he drank the entire contents of a grease trap. "So we felt we needed to teach you a lesson. Oh, it was hard for us, because we_ NEVER _liked you, and I_ NEVER _loved you, but in the end, it paid off. You are_ nothing _to me. Now beat it, you dumb [b word]."  
_

 _Emma began crying and ran away. As she did, everyone there cheered for her suffering and for her misfortune. Well, almost everyone._

 _"Emma?" Emma saw her little sister run up to her. Close behind were their parents, Jason and Elmira Xin, who looked very concerned and saddened._

 _"Guys..." Emma choked. "I don't think I'm going to miss Turtle Creek."_

"And I don't. My entire life there was built on a lie," present-day Emma spat. "It was then I realized that shallow people like them make it so only they can win, instead of giving everyone a fair chance. When I came to Pahkitew, I expected to find the same sorts of people...but I wasn't expecting to find the Misfits.

"You guys didn't even care about differences. Especially you, Noah. You're so apathetic towards life _you literally cannot even CARE_ if someone's not like you so as long as they respect you in return. And I'm just...amazed you know how to deal with embarrassment."

"Yeah, that's pretty accurate. As for dignity, having eight older siblings meant that that was a rare commodity in my home."

Emma sighed. "That's why I wanted to make an alliance with you, Noah. Because...I needed to know there was someone willing to fight for what's right with me."

"Really, that incident explains everything," Noah said. "Your trust issues, your cynicism, your anger... I wasn't expecting to meet you either, but I think it's good that I did. I had all this power that I was afraid to wield, but you...you taught me how. And I'll be eternally grateful for that.

"I'm glad you told me. Knowing your past makes you more human and relatable. And besides, even if it doesn't work out between us, at least you've exposed your tormentors to the world." Emma gasped when she realized this. "So what do you say, Emma? Ready to show them what you're made of?" He extended out his hand.

Emma smiled and took it in hers. "Always."

* * *

"Took you long enough," Heather snarked when the Red Team finally arrived.

"Oh shut up, Heather," Gwen retorted.

"Originally, you were going to name all fifty state capitals and the capital of the country," Chef began. "But since you took so long getting here, you have to name the most-populated cities in each administrative division excluding the five US territories, in the form of a question, _in song_."

Noah looked him right in the eye. "I'll do it."

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"Because Emma needs to learn that sometimes, it's okay to make a fool out of yourself. Laughing at oneself is a rare skill too many people think is unnecessary, when in reality it's one of the most vital."  


* * *

Noah took a deep breath and began to sing. Behind him, violin music began playing and visuals of anthropomorphized states, colored in their flags, with either one or two pairs of legs depending on their shapes, could be seen dancing along.

 _There's New Orleans, Louisiana and Indianapolis, Indiana_  
 _And Columbus, which is the capital of Ohio;_  
 _There's Birmingham, Alabama, south of Billings in Montana,_  
 _Then there's Denver, Colorado under Boise, Idaho._

 _Texas has Houston, then we go north_  
 _To Massachusetts' Boston and NYC, New York,_  
 _South to Jacksonville in Florida, then to Washington, DC.,_  
 _Then Albuquerque in New Mexico and Nashville, Tennessee._

 _I think Elvis died there or something._

 _Newark's in New Jersey, north of Kansas City, Missouri,_  
 _You've got Virginia Beach_ _– where else?_ _– Virginia, South Dakota has Sioux Falls._  
 _There's Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and there's Portland up in Maine and_  
 _Here is Providence, Rhode Island and now there's Wilmington, Delaware._

 _Manchester, New Hampshire, really is just a quick jaunt_  
 _Westward ho to Burlington, which claims the state Vermont._  
 _Bridgeport in Connecticut puts me into a state of bliss,_  
 _And Kansas has Wichita, Minnesota's got Minneapolis._

 _Not where the mall is, mind you._

 _Anchorage is in Alaska and then Omaha's in Nebraska,_  
 _And it's Charlotte down in North Carolina and then_  
 _There's Milwaukee in Wisconsin and Seattle out in Washington,_  
 _And Phoenix, Arizona, and Detroit's in Michigan_.

 _Here's Honolulu, Hawaii's pride and joy,_  
 _Jackson, Mississippi and Chicago, Illinois_ ,  
 _Then there's South Carolina with Charleston down the way,_  
 _And Baltimore in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay._

 _They don't have a wonderful crime rate._

 _Cheyenne is in Wyoming, and perhaps right now you're homing_  
 _Out in Salt Lake City, Utah where the Mormons all roam_.  
 _Atlanta's down in Georgia, and there's Fargo in North Dakota,_  
 _And you can all go live in Louisville in your crap Kentucky home._

 _Portland in Oregon, and now from there we join_  
 _Little Rock in Arkansas and Iowa's Des Moines,_  
 _Los Angeles, California, and Oklahoma's OK City,_  
 _Charleston, West Virginia and Las Vegas in Nevada!_

 _Are those the most-populated cities, by state?_

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody and Bridgette.**

"That's odd...I felt like we saw that in another fanfiction," Bridgette mused.  


"Yeah," Cody concurred, "and the weirdest part was, I think _I_ might've been the one singing it!"

* * *

Chef looked at Noah and broke into a grin. "Yes it is, maggot, and you even remembered to keep it in the form of a question! Current score is 3-1-4. I now pronounce you two kids an item!"

"R-really?" Emma asked, blushing.

"Yeah, I've noticed how you two look at each other. You're meant to be together. Now clear out so we can get the next team!"

"Oh, right, right." She and Noah walked away, hand in hand, as Jacques and Josee _finally_ got to answer. Chef made sure it was a harder question as punishment ("You were going to be asked what the imprisonment rate of the US was. Now you must tell me how many people were killed by police in the US in 2014." "Err, 36?" Jacques guessed. "Incorrect. The correct answer is 1100. Yes, it's messed up. Current score is 3-1-4.").

* * *

"An item. He's right, I like you. As more than a friend," Emma said, still red, as soon as they were far away enough from the others. "Sorry if you don't feel that way, I just–"

"Emma, it's alright. To tell you the truth...I like you too," Noah said, blushing a little himself. "But I'm still a little...concerned you're not completely past the incident yet."

"You're right. I think we should take it slow until I'm ready for intimacy again."

"We can still make fun of Chris, though, right?"

Emma chuckled. "Fine by me." Then she grew serious. "Noah, when I was with Jake, I could get a little...obsessive at times. Will you promise to let me know when I'm getting that way?"

Noah looked at her and pulled her close before gently stroking her hair. "I promise."

* * *

 **Confessional – Kitty.**

"Wa-HOO! Go Emma!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"All right! Way to go Noah!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Beardo.  
**

"Today is a great day in Misfit history. I'm so proud of them." Beardo used his voice to turn himself into a one-man audience clapping.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.**

"They can reproduce," Amy, clad in a teal dress with a slit over her left leg, deadpanned. "Whoop-de-freakin'-doo."  


* * *

"Well, that happened," Chris said, secretly upset that they were now officially together. "Who else is gonna hook up today? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. "After a monumental confession and a really cheesy song from an even cheesier show, it's time to see who else will score!"

* * *

 _Red-orange Team: Brodarthur  
_

"Which state had a trial against tomatoes, as until then they were believed to be poisonous?" Chef asked Sky.

"Uh, Florida?"

"Incorrect. The correct answer is New Jersey. Current score is 3-1-4."

* * *

 **Current scores:**

 **Grooms** ** **– 3/8, 2 missed  
****

 **Brides** ** ** **– 1/7, 2 missed  
******

 **Helpers** ** ** **– 4/8, 3 missed******

* * *

 _Gray Team: Izzowen_

"Please don't go Brainzilla for this," Owen pleaded with his girlfriend as they reached the other side. Owen was clad in a gray suit with a matching top hat and a light blue necktie. Izzy wore a simple gray dress with a hole in the chest to expose the tops of her breasts (she, in her own words, preferred to have "freed nips" whenever possible).

"Who's Brainzilla?" Cameron asked.

"My IQ's like, 188, so when I use all of it it's like I become another person!" Izzy replied cheerfully. "Brainzilla's just my nickname for that state."

"Brainzilla-Izzy doesn't like me," Owen said sadly. "The last time she came out, she broke up with me."

"Awwwww, don't worry Big O!" Izzy cooed, hugging the Friendly Food Lover's neck. "I gave her a good spanking once I came back." Cameron made a perplexed face at this. "Hey Chef, what's my question?"

"Which career earns the highest pay in the United States?"

"Oh, that's _easy_! It's a football player!"

"Correct. Current score is 3-2-4. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

* * *

 _Pink Team: Dawn-J  
_

"You're right, this isn't as scary as I thought it'd be," DJ commented. He was wearing a dark pink suit with khakis, a mauve undershirt, and of course his white beanie. Dawn wore a fluffy pink dress with leather boots and snuck her favorite color, teal, into her outfit via her headband, sash, lipstick, and nail polish.

"Yeah." Dawn swallowed. "Um, er, I hope Chef pronounces us an item."

"Me too, I'd hate to see your team fall behind. Or...are you talking about in real life?"

"The latter," she replied timidly. "Listen, I really like you. You're really kind and gentle. Although I'm not sure a synesthetic weirdo deserves you."

"Sure you do! Everyone needs love even if it's not romantic. But you're really nice too, so I'd like to give dating you a try."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!" Dawn cried, kissing his cheek, leaving a lipstick mark behind and causing both to blush. They finally reached the other side of the falls.

"Heh heh, Cupid's workin' overtime today," Chef chuckled. "Now which state has a tree that's its own legal owner?"

"Georgia," Dawn answered confidently.

"Correct. Current score is 3-3-4. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

Dawn was so happy she fainted.

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

" _Finally_ we're getting some points."  


* * *

 _Teal Team: Sugrami_

"I didn't MEAN tah drop ya!" Sugar barked. She was wearing the same model of dress as Amy, which on her looked like it'd burst at any moment.

"Oh shut up and get outta my way, you fat cow," Amy growled in response.

"Glad _I'm_ the one answering," Sam mused. "Chef?"

"Originally, you were going to be asked how many times larger than Rhode Island Alaska is. But since Sugar's got butterfingers (maybe literally, heh heh), you must tell me which is the best-known city of Alaska that's larger than the entire state of Delaware."

"Actually, many cities in Alaska are larger than the First State in terms of area. But the most famous of them would be Juneau, Alaska's capital."

"Correct. Current score is 3-3-5. I now pronounce your friends an item."

"WHAT?!" Amy and Sugar shrieked.

"And the Helpers have maxed out their possible score!" Chris announced. "If the Grooms don't screw up, they could win with six points. If the Brides don't mess up, they could tie it all up with five points."

* * *

 _Silver Team: KaSadie_

Katie and Sadie were wearing matching metallic silver suits complete with top hats and canes. "What is the origin of Juneteenth?" Chef asked Katie.

"Slaves in Galveston, Texas didn't find out about the Emancipation Proclamation until June 19, 1865 after the Civil War had already ended," Katie replied.

"Correct. Current score is 4-3-5. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

"Eeeee!" Sadie squealed, impulsively kissing Katie on the lips. Then she started panicking. "Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry, I was in the heat of the moment!"

"Y'know," Katie pondered, "you're not a bad kisser. And hey, neither of us have boyfriends right now, and we've both known we were bi since seventh grade. So why not?"

"Oh, Katie!" Sadie crooned. The new couple walked away from Chef hand in hand.

"And once again, that _doesn't_ surprise me at all," Heather smirked.

* * *

 _Blue Team: Shawnmine  
_

"What does the 'S' in Harry S. Truman's name stand for?" Chef asked Shawn, who was clad in a blue version of his normal outfit.

"It's just the letter. His parents couldn't decide on a good middle name for him."

"Correct. Current score is 5-3-5. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

* * *

 _Yellow-orange Team: Lyler_

"Sorry about dropping you, Linds," Tyler apologized after they got out of the net. Tyler was wearing a black suit with a yellow-orange undershirt and socks, his hair slicked back. Lindsay wore a yellow-orange dress that accentuated her mighty cleavage, and her omnipresent azure bandanna.

"It's alright, I'm just glad we didn't go _into_ the water," Lindsay replied. "It looks cold."

"The fact that falling into water from this height will break all your bones is clearly missed on her," Blaineley muttered, to which Chris nodded in agreement.

Chef flipped to a page in the back of the encyclopedia. "Originally, you were going to be asked what year the Birmingham church bombing happened in. Now you must tell me which state had a church bombing in 1950 but, since everyone was late, there were no casualties."

"Nebraska?" Tyler guessed.

"Correct. Current score is 6-3-5. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

"And the Grooms have now maxed out their score!" Chris announced. "Brides, it's up to you not to mess this up."

* * *

 **Current scores:**

 **Grooms** ** **– 6/8, 2 missed  
****

 **Brides** ** ** **– 3/7, 2 missed  
******

 **Helpers** ** ** **– 5/8, 3 missed******

* * *

 _Light Blue Team: Zekeva  
_

"You soore I don't have to carreh yoo, eh?" Zeke asked. He was wearing a light blue suit with black slacks and sneakers; Eva's was the same but the colors were reversed. The Iron Woman had him slung over her massive shoulders.

"Positive. You'd break your back trying."

"But I was always told the girls had to be protected."

"...What."

"Me dad toold me it was my joob to keep my baby sisters outta trouble back home," Zeke explained.

"Zeke, I assure you every girl here can take care of themselves."

"Oh," he said sheepishly. "Sorry, stoopid homeschool moment."

"At least you apologized, that's good enough for me." They reached the other side.

"Eva, when was the last time the Liberty Bell was rung?"

"Februrary 22, 1846, on George Washington's birthday."

"Correct. Current score is 6-4-5. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

"Well of course _loser_ ends up with _mega-loser_ ," Taylor scoffed. Suddenly, the world went dark. Taylor looked up to see Eva towering over her. Eva looked down, bared her teeth, and roared at her. Taylor was so frightened she wet herself (something Heather found most hilarious).

* * *

 _Magenta Team: Bridgeoff_

Geoff simply wore a redder version of his normal shirt with a white undershirt. Bridgette wore a magenta dress and had her hair in a bun with two roses holding it up.

"Bridgette," Chef began, "you are our final person to answer a trivia question from _Encyclopedia Chef Hatchettica_. The Pledge of Allegiance was written by who?"

"Well, I know the 'under God' part was added for propaganda against Communism, which is meant to be completely secular," Bridgette replied, "but I'm sorry, I don't know who wrote it."

"The correct answer was 'The Youth's Companion', a 19th-century magazine that also sold flags. They published the pledge on September 8, 1892 to use nationalist fervor to sell more flags. This challenge's final score is 6-4-5."

"Which means the Grooms win!" Blaineley announced.

"Grooms, you did good and didn't get cold feet," Chris said. "Helpers, not too shabby. Brides, I'm sorry, but you lost."

"Maybe it would've helped if, y'know, _all the answering teams were the same size?!_ " Courtney growled.

"Twenty-three isn't evenly divisible by three," Blaineley shrugged. "We did what we could but ultimately, you have no one to blame except each other."

"Now what kind of advice is that?" Jasmine asked incredulously.

"Bad," Ennui replied. Everyone had to laugh.

"Well, it's not all that bad," Cody said optimistically. "We got four new couples out of it." He gestured to Harold and Leshawna, Katie and Sadie, Dawn and DJ, and most importantly of all, Noah and Emma.

Sammy smiled. "Yeah, we did. Good job on getting them together, Helpers!" Her team cheered.

"Yeah, yeah, bleck," Chris groaned. "The Grooms get to ride in first-class on the way back. Someone else doesn't. Meet me in third class at eight, Brides, someone's going home once we get back to the island!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"Courtney said Gwen wants to go for Mary," Heather explained. "And though I DO NOT want to consider her as part of my alliance, she does have a good point." She wrote MARY on a piece of paper. "I'm just glad she didn't bring her idol here."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Eva.**

"Emma said we should vote for Sugar because we're likely to have her leave," Eva scowled as she wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper. Then she brightened. "Emma and Noah finally got together. They'll be the power couple Jacques and Josee hope to be, but aren't."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Josee.**

"I HATE this!" Josee roared. "They made us look bad! Ohhhh, Emma, it's about time someone voted for YOU!" She hastily wrote EMMA on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.  
**

"Josee officially scares me," Bridgette said. "After the cave-in during the mine challenge, she's not only become incredibly claustrophobic, but hates being in third place more than ever. Please, I know I don't like you, but just get help already." She wrote JOSEE on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we stage our eliminations," Chris said. He was still wearing the suit he'd changed into for the day. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Twenty-three marshmallows sat on the plate, seven of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can pair you up with some drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Carrie, Beth, Leshawna, Courtney, Jasmine, Miles, Zoey, Izzy, Dawn, Stephanie, Bridgette, Josee, MacArthur, Lindsay, Topher, Sadie, and Eva."

Once they were done, he pointed to the four blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Crimson, Ella, Josee, and Emma, come on up." Josee visibly steamed, while Emma just glared at her.

Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Heather, you have three of them." Heather sighed dispassionately.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're no longer accepted around here. Mary. Sugar."

Sugar beamed cockily. Mary gulped.

"Sugar, many people want you gone. Ditto you, Mary; and with you gone, your alliance loses its feminine touch. With only one more vote...

...

...

...

...

"Mary is gone!"

Mary sighed. "Seriously, guys?"

"Hey, it was Scylla or Charybdis," Jasmine replied.

"Note to self: use that for fifth VR challenge," Chris said to himself.

"Well, I hope Lorenzo won't end up like Ellody did," Mary sighed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Lorenzo.**

"Sugar over Mary?! Dudes, NOT cool!" Lorenzo griped. "Still, she played well and got this far. Don't worry babe, I'll win this for you!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Leshawna.**

"I feel so bad," Leshawna groaned. "I shoulda voted for Sugar and stuck her in a tiebreaker. At least then Mary'd have a chance of winning..."  


Of course, she didn't know that Chris would've simply rigged the tiebreaker in Sugar's favor with no one the wiser.

* * *

Chris sat in first class with Blaineley. "Sixteen down. Sixty-eight remain. Who'll be recognized as the rightful winner and who'll fall to their dooms? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He and Blaineley began making out. One of the interns, a black-haired girl named Miranda, immediately got sick when she saw them and ran off to vomit.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Emma** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Sugar  
****************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Carrie**************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Sugar  
******************************************************

 **Beth** **************************– Sugar  
**************************

 **Leshawna** **************************– Heather  
**************************

 **Courtney** **************************– Mary  
**************************

 **Jasmine** **************************– Mary  
**************************

 **Mary** **************************– Heather  
**************************

 **Miles** **************************– Mary  
**************************

 **Zoey** **************************– Heather  
**************************

 **Izzy** **************************– Sugar  
**************************

 **Dawn** **************************– Sugar  
**************************

 **Ella** ****************************– Didn't vote****************************

 **Stephanie** ****************************– Mary****************************

 **Bridgette** **************************– Josee  
**************************

 **Josee** **************************– Emma  
**************************

 **MacArthur** **************************– Sugar  
**************************

 **Heather** **************************– Mary  
**************************

 **Lindsay** **************************– Crimson  
**************************

 **Topher** ****************************– Mary****************************

 **Sadie** ****************************– Mary****************************

 **Eva** **************************– Sugar  
**************************

 **Crimson** ****************************– Mary****************************

 **Sugar** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Ella  
****************************

 **Results: 8-7-3-1-1-1-1 Mary-Sugar-Heather-Crimson-Josee-Emma-Ella  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah), Heather (Gwen), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (0)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"Ohhh, Wyoming's in Wyoming and perhaps you make your home in Wyoming City, Utah where the Wyoming-alo roam!"

"Owen, I don't think those are the lyrics," Mike said. It was nighttime now and everyone was back on Wawanakwa.

"I don't care! I'm just so happy!" Owen pointed to, on the other side of the good cabin, Noah, who was for once sleeping with a smile on his face.

Tyler smiled. "Me too, big guy. Me too."

Noah and Emma were finally together.

Now nothing was ever going to be the same again.


	24. 1-17: Phobia Factor

**Review time!**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! That's the biggest difference between Noah and Emma, I think, at least in THD. Emma's life was relatively normal until that point, whereas Noah's been dealing with weirdness his whole life and is thusly desensitized. The song is a parody of Wakko's America, in a nod to A Codette World Tour, a wonderful fanfic that helped inspire this one (I personally don't like Animaniacs, but you do you).**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I figured the hetero couples that formed would be well-received, and I'm glad KaSadie isn't as controversial as I'd expected it to be (Katie and Sadie are practically dating in the canon anyway, so I figured, "Why not?"). The original Team E-Scope was briefly mentioned back in Dodgebrawl and will be expanded on in future chapters in Noah's backstory as he becomes King of the Misfits, with Eva and Izzy his very first subjects.**

* * *

 _Saturday, October 28, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – here came the bride! [Jacques and Josee knocking over Noah and Emma] Wednesday was my 10th anniversary with my wife Blaineley, and although I didn't get her anything in tin, I _did_ get her a can of laughs! [Beardo and Topher getting each other] A romantic tightrope walk over Niagra Falls [Lorenzo and Mary falling off] led to a quick stop at Father Brian Hatchet's marriage registry! [Alejandro getting his question right] And although most of the couples made either already existed [Bridgette being carried by Geoff] or never came to be [Amy and Sugar freaking out], four new pairings [Katie and Sadie kissing, Dawn taking DJ's hand, Leshawna telling Harold she'd be willing to try dating him, and last of all, Noah tenderly hugging Emma] entered the Total Drama canon. Ah, love, how I hate you. On the subject of hate, Mary got enough for her mental acuity that she was thrown out of the running [Mary's elimination], leaving the Geek Alliance all-male."

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Sixty-eight contestants remain. Who'll conquer this show and who'll run away screaming? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance  
_

"Dude, I heard I was gonna be eliminated last time if my team lost!" Duncan exclaimed. He and Alejandro were meeting behind one of the academic buildings.

"As did I, bromigo," Alejandro confirmed. "The Misfits are strong. _Too_ strong. And with Noah and Emma together officially now, they'll no doubt grow evermore powerful unless we do something."

"Like what?"

"I suggest we deplete them of potential allies before they have a chance to replenish their dwindling numbers. Take Dwayne Jr., for example. He is very ambitious and is on good terms with Emma's sister. Get rid of him, and that's one less vote for the Misfits."

"What about DJ? He and Dawn are a thing now too. Won't he also be a danger?"

"Not particularly," Alejandro replied nonchalantly. "DJ refuses to vote, and his timid nature makes him easy to coerce into doing our bidding. Should he side with the Misfits, he'd be completely dependent on them for his survival. An unwise move, one I think he recognizes."

Duncan nodded. "Okay. Junior it is."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Campers, do you know what's coming soon?" Chris asked.

"The end of the first season of Total Drama?" Sierra asked.

"That's true, but it isn't that. Anyone else?"

"Halloween?" Tyler asked.

"Bingo! Surprised you of all people came up with that, Tyler." Tyler frowned when he heard this. "Yessiree, next Tuesday we're going to have a spoopy scary skeleton of a challenge! But first, we'll need to prepare. Are you guys afraid of stuff?"

"I'm not!" Izzy piped up.

"What about your fear of being in a plane?"

"I got over that years ago, Chris! How do you think I manage the Total Drama Field Trips? Also, how did you know that?" Izzy asked.

"Well, I had Blaineley tell your English teachers to sneak some questions into your homework last week," Chris explained, "and through that I uncovered your deepest, greatest fears. Izzy, since you apparently overcame yours a while back, the Floating Salmon get a point."

"So I take it we're doing those two teams again?" Sam asked.

"Yep! Now, today is simple: overcome your respective fear and get a point. The team with the highest score at the end of the day wins. No one will know when they're being tested until I call you up in groups of three. Oh, and Shawn?"

"Yeah?"

A grotesque, decaying arm burst out of the ground in front of him. Shawn screamed and pulled out a frying pan from nowhere and smacked the arm, breaking it and revealing it was mechanical.

"Since both teams are equal-sized and thirty-four isn't divisible by three, I had to get one on each team out of the way already. Shawn, you killed the fake zombie, so the Confused Bears get a point too. Good luck!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Stephanie and Ryan.**

"...Where did he get the frying pan?" Ryan asked.  


"Fear makes you do great things, I guess," Stephanie replied.

"...That doesn't really answer my question, but it's a better answer than nothing, I guess."

* * *

 **Scores:**

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine, Scarlett, Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff, Duncan, Trent, Gwen, Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler, Jo, Lightning, DJ, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Harold, Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen, B, Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Mike, Zoey Eva, Zeke, Sugar, Sanders, MacArthur, Leshawna, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom, Jen, Dave, Bridgette, Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

 _First Rotation: Floating Salmon_

"I hate Chris," Gwen deadpanned. She was buried up to her chin in sand on the beach.

"Don't worry, all you have to do is stay in there for a minute," Billy reassured her. "I'll be right here if you need me. In the meantime, let's watch the show."

They watched Harold vainly fight off three stereotypical ninjas ("This is highly inaccurate!") with his nunchucks, failing because he hit himself in the kiwis, which counted as not conquering his fear, e.g. defeating the ninjas. Tyler, meanwhile, ran around screaming while being chased by...five baby chicks.

* * *

 _First Rotation: Confused Bears  
_

B came up to a podium and attempted to speak, before remembering he couldn't. This was his greatest fear: public speaking. As a mute person, he was disadvantaged and couldn't do it.

"Well that seemed mean," Sanders commented. Then someone tapped her shoulder, and she turned around. "Yes – AUGH!" She ran away at the sight of her greatest fear: a hungry black piranha in a fish tank.

"Hmph," Chef, who was holding the tank, grunted. "Wonder if she'll be scared when she finds out what's in tonight's fish sticks. C'mon 3D, let's get you back." The piranha visibly gulped in fright.

Eva, meanwhile, steadfastilly faced her fear of needles. Which was just as well, as she needed to finish her meningitis shots.

* * *

 **Scores:**

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine, Scarlett, Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff, Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning, DJ, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Mike, Eva (1), Zeke, Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Leshawna, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom, Jen, Dave, Bridgette, Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

 _Second Rotation: Floating Salmon  
_

"Watch this to its end and you're good," Miranda said to Scarlett, turning on the TV Devin had found in the fourth challenge. She then played a clip of Scarlett's greatest fear: a scientist getting beaten up by a mob of rabid, uninformed people.

Also in the theater were Brick and Sadie. Brick was blindfolded, forcing him to face his nyctophobia, while Sadie had an atrocious wig on to fight her phobia of bad haircuts.

All three made it through.

* * *

 _Second Rotation: Confused Bears  
_

Which could not be said for their adversaries. Bridgette had to walk in the woods alone, Dave had to lie facedown in the dirt, and Tom needed to pet a corgi on the head.

They didn't last. Bridgette quickly ran out of the forest screaming, spooking the dog in a way that also frightened Tom. Dave only lasted a few seconds before bolting upright. All three ended up in a tangled lump.

"Floating Salmon are in the lead, y'know," Chris said when he came upon them.

"Oh shut up, Chris," Tom glowered.

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine, Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff, Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick (1), Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning, DJ, Katie, Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke, Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Leshawna, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen, Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

 _Third Rotation: Floating Salmon_

Ryan was given a bucket of ice pellets. "This isn't my fear," he said, confused as he looked into it.

"No, but it _is_ Geoff's. He has a phobia of hail. You have to be the cloud and throw it at him. If he lasts until the bucket's emptied, he'll win," Chris explained. "And this ties into you getting over _your_ fear of your impressive strength hurting your friends. Begin!"

Ryan gulped. Geoff didn't even know what was coming. Luckily, Ryan figured out a loophole and simply dumped all the ice on him at once.

"Dude, that's cold," Geoff said when he realized what happened. "Like, literally, my neck's completely numb."

"Well, that's not what I had in mind because of how short it lasted," Chris said, "but since you both _technically_ achieved your objectives, you both get a point."

"Righteous!" Geoff exclaimed, high-fiving Ryan.

"Oh, sha-please! Anybody could've done that!" Lightning, who was also part of the rotation, scoffed.

"Your dad doesn't think so." Lightning passed out. "Parental disapproval. I know that feeling; I've been there too. No point, though!" Chris grinned sadistically.

* * *

 _Third Rotation: Confused Bears_

"Carrie, you need to eat a worm. Miles and Laurie, you have to watch," Phil said, a solitary earthworm in his hand. "I'm sorry, but Chris threatened to put me on the pudding chair again if I messed up."

"...Pudding chair?" Miles asked.

"You _don't_ want to know."

Carrie began hyperventilating. "I can't do this! I've been unable to even _think_ about–" and then she dry heaved into a bush.

Phil sighed. "Looks like you lucked out, little friend." The worm tittered in agreement. "I'm not going to give you any points," he said to his human friends, "but I'm not going to force this challenge on you. That wouldn't be right."

"Thank you," Laurie said.

* * *

 **Confessional – Laurie.  
**

"I've been thinking about what Alejandro said to me once, that I need to open my mind more," Laurie pondered. "And maybe he's right. But at any rate, I think I might've stood a better chance of getting a point than Miles. Sorry sweetie, but it's true."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Miles.  
**

"Laurie's right. She's always had the stronger stomach between us," Miles confirmed. "And maybe Alejandro's not as bad as the Misfits make him out to be. But he's still a strong opponent with an equally-strong alliance, so I should still keep my guard up."  


* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine, Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick (1), Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ, Katie, Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie (0), Stephanie, Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke, Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Leshawna, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen, Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

 _Fourth Rotation: Floating Salmon_

Chris locked Jasmine in the confessional outhouse. "You have to stay in there until I come back," he said. Turning to Leshawna and Junior, he said, "And here's _your_ fear." He held out a barn orb weaver spider in his hands. Leshawna and Junior screamed and ran away.

"Wimps," Chris shrugged, carelessly tossing the spider away. It landed in a patch of pink goo and suddenly grew wings, before flying away.

* * *

 _Fourth Rotation: Confused Bears  
_

"Since all three of you really want to be dignified," Chef explained, "you maggots gotta stay _un_ -dignified until I say so." Ennui was dressed like a preppy (in goth makeup, of course; Chef had no intention to make them _that_ uncomfortable).

Jacques scowled at the bronze medal he was forced to wear. "Wouldn't Emma be a better fit for this?" he asked. "Speaking of, shouldn't she be here too? She's also a part of this rotation."

"She's overcome her fear of public humiliation already," Ennui replied monotonously. "Something which you had an inadvertent hand in, if I'm not mistaken."

"...I hate you," Jacques said finally.

"Trust me, the feeling is mutual."

"Ennui's right, though. Emma overcame her fear before this challenge, so she by default gets a point. 'Course, Chris wanted me to try anyway, so..." he stepped aside, revealing an Emma covered in flour paste and not liking it at all.

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro, Justin, Brick (1), Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ, Katie, Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie (0), Stephanie, Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke, Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen, Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo, Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

 _Fifth Rotation: Floating Salmon  
_

DJ gulped as he looked at the Pink Pythons' mascot. Shutting his eyes, he timidly reached down to pat it on the head. Opening an eye, he found the snake seemed to enjoy it.

Taylor, meanwhile, was freaking out at being dressed like a homeless person, and Katie wasn't able to overcome her fear of tapeworms (which consisted of having to stare at one coming out of the Black Bears' mascot. Yes, it was disgusting. Yes, Chris actually did that.)

* * *

 _Fifth Rotation: Confused Bears  
_

"Zeke, you need to become a monster and attack Devin," Chris explained. "Devin, you need to fight him off in your underwear with nothing but a cardboard paper towel tube in front of everyone else. Beardo, I'm taping your mouth shut so you can't help with sound effects."

"Would you mind pronouncing my name right for once?" Beardo asked crossly.

Chris simply taped him up. "Begin the match!"

Zeke covered himself in dirt and quickly snarled at Devin, who disrobed immediately. Brandishing his tube, he whacked the not-really-feral Zeke over the head. A tussle erupted, for which Devin was victorious. Everyone cheered for him.

When it was over, Beardo ripped the tape off. "Ow!" he winced; the tape had taken off some of his beard. "Wow, Devin, you have an oddly specific phobia."

"I had an oddly specific nightmare," Devin replied. "You okay, Zeke?"

"Doin' great, eh!" Zeke gave him the thumbs-up. "Think I found me Hallooween costoom!"

It was then that Devin's underwear fell down, his pixellated manness exposed to the world. "This was _also_ part of my nightmare," he gulped.

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro, Justin, Brick (1), Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie, Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen, Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

In the audience, Carrie blushed. "Excuse me," she said meekly as she got up and left.

"...I don't think I _want_ to know what she's going to do, but I think I already do," Noah snarked to Eva, who nodded in agreement.

"And I know what _you'r_ _e_ gonna do, Noah, because your rotation's next!" Chris said, suddenly appearing between the two.

"Get out of my face," Noah growled.

"Hey, don't be such a sourpuss!" Chris turned to the camera. "Who else is gonna freak out? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Our contestants are almost halfway through our fear-killing challenge. The Floating Salmon have nine points thus far, while the Confused Bears have eight. But it's still anyone's game. So let's get into our sixth rotation already!"

* * *

 _Sixth Rotation: Floating Salmon  
_

Crimson was also dressed as a preppy and had to watch a most unusual fight. "Dawn, you see, has a fear of blood, and it's Burromuerto policy not to punch people in the face," Chris began. "But in order to win, Dawn must hit Alejandro in the face hard enough to draw blood." He forced a pair of boxing gloves on Dawn's slender hands and steered her in front of the Latin Mastermind. "Begin!"

Dawn gulped. Alejandro was much bigger than she was and could easily kill her. "I'm sorry, but I cannot. I refuse to stoop to the level of physical violence." Alejandro sighed in relief as she removed her gloves.

"But don't think that doesn't mean I'm not voting for you," Dawn reminded him, before stalking off. Alejandro frowned at this.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"This is exactly why I want their allies gone soon," Alejandro growled. "The more they get, the braver they become. And a brave Misfit is not good for me."  


* * *

 _Sixth Rotation: Confused Bears_

"Okay, so what am I supposed to do again?" Owen asked.

"You need to eat a raw jellyfish while Jen's wearing arm warmers and I'm playing dodgeball with her, with you in the middle," Noah replied.

Jen shivered as she looked at her arms, which were covered in long tubes of blue fluff. "I hate these things. Whoever invented them should be kicked in the pants."

Owen picked up the jellyfish from the bucket and grimaced. "What if it zaps me?"

"Owen, they use venom, not electricity. You know that."

"Oh! Right. Heh heh."

Noah and Jen picked up the yellow balls and fired while Owen slurped up the cnidarian. Noah had already overcome his fear of dodgeball after the challenge nearly eliminated him, and Jen quickly adjusted too. Owen found that he liked jellyfish (but would much prefer them cooked, preferably with oregano and hot peppers).

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie, Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

 _Seventh Rotation: Floating Salmon  
_

"There's no invisible box!" Trent gulped as a mime, really an intern named Sylvester, performed a classic routine for him.

"I don't think that counts as facing your fear," Duncan commented. Sylvester responded by pulling out a cardboard cutout of Celine Dion. Duncan fainted.

"Uh, Mr. Mime?" Lindsay asked. "Last challenge I was told I'd be pronounced an item, but like, what kind of item? A neon pen?" Sylvesyter responded by pulling out a little brown bat and throwing it at her. The bat landed between Lindsay's breasts, and she froze, eyes wide open.

* * *

 **Confessional – Lindsay.**

"I just asked a question! I didn't ask for a _bat_!" Lindsay exclaimed. The bat was asleep now. She looked down at it and pursed her orange-painted lips. "Though she _is_ really cute..."  


* * *

 _Seventh Rotation: Confused Bears  
_

"I don't have a fear of beans," Stephanie said, staring down at a bowl of baked beans. "I just have an immense dislike of them." It was true, the texture greatly bothered her.

"But you want our team to win, don't you?" Lorenzo asked. He was wearing a bunny suit; being in one in public was his greatest fear. "And I know you're competitive to a fault. So use that drive to take us to victory!" Stephanie's face grew determined and she began scarfing down the food. "But victory doesn't need to be that fast, you'll get reflux."

MacArthur chuckled as she watched them. "Those guys are alright."

"Valentina Escobar MacArthur, you are under arrest," Chef, wearing a police cap instead of his toque, deadpanned. "Do not resist." He cuffed her. A brief pause. "Alright, this is gettin' stupid, you're clear!"

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

 _Eighth Rotation: Floating Salmon  
_

"I'M IRRELEVANT?!" Topher shrieked when he saw the fake newspaper's headline read NO ONE CARES ABOUT TOPHER MAIMON.

Jay held a Jefferson salamander in his hands and cringed. "Better not drop it, it's an endangered species!" Chris taunted him from afar. Cue the salamander landing on his face, the amphibian none the worse for wear, but visibly annoyed.

"Pffft. I'm not scared of anything," Jo boasted. Then the winged spider from before flew by and landed on her nose. "AAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Brick.**

"Jo and I were friends when we were kids," Brick began sadly, "but when she started doing well in athletic activities her parents pushed her further and fed her ego, turning her into the person she is now. My greatest hope is that this show will allow me to bring the old Joanna Hapsburg back."  


* * *

 _Eighth Rotation: Confused Bears_

"AAAH!" Sugar shrieked as she desperately clutched the balance beam. Her acrophobia was what caused her to fall during the previous challenge, in fact. Zoey winced as a centipede, a _Scolopocryptops rubiginosus_ , crawled around her hands.

"Hey, it's okay, these guys don't bite," Mike said reassuringly. He was also holding a centipede.

"You seem really calm for a scolopendrophobe."

"It's not my actual fear. But Chris didn't want to risk losing his ratings if he released a personality of mine I've locked away, so he just gave me yours. C'mon, let's do this together."

Zoey smiled. "Yeah, let's."

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher (0), Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay (1), Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo (0), Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike (1), Zoey (1), Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar (0), Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.**

* * *

 _Ninth Rotation: Floating Salmon  
_

"I hope this isn't life-threatening," Cody said as he fiddled with the wires of a complicated-looking object.

"Me too," Sammy agreed. She was cuffed to him. "I really hate being handcuffed to someone during a life-threatening situation."

"And I've got a fear of not being able to defuse a bomb under pressure," Cody replied. "Though talking to you's taking a bit of the edge off it."

"Thanks." Silence as Cody worked. "Wait, aren't there supposed to be three of us?"

"Yeah, but who's the third? Chris didn't say."

* * *

"Hey Sierra, I think Sammy's making a move on Cody," Chris told the Loony Fangirl.

"WHAT?!"

* * *

"Almost...there..."

"CODYKINS!"

"Oh, crap," Cody groaned, momentarily stopping what he was doing and looking up to see his unwanted lover approaching. "It's Sierra. Her greatest fear is seeing me with a girl other than her. I guess Chris did this to mess _us_ up."

Sammy gulped as Sierra charged at them. However, Sierra was enough of a distraction that the stink bomb went off.

 **"...[F WORD] YOU, CHRIS MCLEAN!"** Sammy shrieked at the sky with a rage not unlike her sister's. The tree octopus was so frightened it fell out of its hole, revealing the skeleton of the intern it'd eaten.

* * *

 _Ninth Rotation: Confused Bears_

Josee was also locked in the confessional like Jasmine was. Lauren was tied to a pole surrounded by hot tar.

"Oh no, man!" Brody gulped as Chef approached. "My fear's amputation! Please don't hurt me! I don't wanna lose a finger!"

"Relax, kid, I'm not gonna do that," Chef grunted. "You just gotta look at all these pictures of amputees to pass." He showed him a picture of a man missing a foot, and Brody immediately screamed. "Okay, then we'll start smaller: tooth removal." He showed Brody a picture of a woman resembling Heather who was missing an incisor; Brody screamed again. "How strong is this fear, man?"

"Very!"

* * *

 **Confessional – The Nerdinator.**

 **"I don't blame him, I have one too. I'm also afraid of fire, sharp things, flaming sharp things, and I have a strong aversion to dogs like Tom does."  
**

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy (0), Topher (0), Sierra (1), Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay (1), Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo (0), Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody (0), Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren (1), Mike (1), Zoey (1), Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar (0), Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee (1), and Brody (0).**

* * *

 _Tenth Rotation: Floating Salmon_

Beth took the worm from Phil. "Hey there little guy," she crooned, quickly overcoming her fear of it.

"I don't like this!" Cameron gulped. He was made to wear a set of headphones that played the sounds of a horde of angry wasps.

"I DON'T LIKE THIS MORE!" Kitty wailed as she sat in a bathtub filled with Uhler's wood cockroaches.

* * *

 _Tenth Rotation: Confused Bears  
_

"I can do this," Ella gulped as she came onstage. Despite her love of singing, she had terrible stage fright. But she pushed that aside and began to sing "When Will My Life Begin?".

"She's great," Brady nodded as he held a model of a nuclear bomb in his hands.

"She is indeed," Sky agreed while she was shackled to her chair in heavy chains.

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy (0), Topher (0), Sierra (1), Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty (0), Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay (1), Cameron (0), Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo (0), Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody (0), Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth (1), and Sam.**

 **Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella (1), Emma (1), Brady (1), Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren (1), Mike (1), Zoey (1), Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar (0), Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky (1), Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee (1), and Brody (0).**

* * *

 _Eleventh Rotation: Floating Salmon_

"I am better than you," Justin said. "Did I say that right?"

"Eh, it's good enough. It got Amy mad, didn't it?" Chris asked. Justin turned around to see Amy running after him with a pair of pliers, ready to tear out Justin's hair with it. But Justin simply tripped her and took away the pliers.

Dakota gulped as she held a cardboard cutout of a clown in front of Sam. He didn't react. "I _was_ afraid of clowns, but I'm not anymore," he said. Then he saw Dakota trembling. "Hey, it's alright. It's not going to hurt you."

"R-really?" she asked.

"Yeah. Don't worry, I'm right here." He put his hand on hers. Dakota smiled as she felt his warmth.

* * *

 **Confessional – Dakota.**

"He's the first boy who really treated me like a person and not like an object," Dakota sighed dreamily. Little did she know that she was slowly starting to fall for him.  


* * *

 _Eleventh Rotation: Confused Bears_

"Now the final three! And boy, are these doozies," Chris said. "Courtney has a phobia of green jello, so she's gotta swim in it!" Courtney shivered, partly because she was in her bathing suit in the fall and partly because a kiddie pool full of the stuff stood before her. "Heather has a fear of being farted on by a sumo, so we got our favorite gasmaster Owen to play the part!" Owen, stripped to his underwear and with a black wig on his head, tapped his fingers nervously, his intestines audibly churning. "And Scott, you have a fear of sharks, so you gotta take Fang's tooth! Oh yeah, Fang can breathe air now. Nuclear waste man, it's freaky stuff."

Scott gulped. "I can't do this!"

"Oh yes we are! If we fail, then the next time we're on Gwen's team I'm going out! So we're winning this so she's not tempted!" Heather declared.

"Sheesh, paranoid much?" Courtney asked.

"Shut up and swim, Courtney!"

Courtney gulped and stepped into the kiddie pool, sliding in until only her head wasn't submerged. "GAH! It's cold! And so _slimy_!" Suddenly she was curious, and picked up a piece of the jello, slurping it up from her hand. "But it doesn't taste half-bad."

"Scott, flip Fang on his back! Sharks enter a trance-like state when they do, and he still can't walk on land!" Heather barked.

"But what if he's mad I stole his tooth?" Scott asked.

"He's a shark! It'll grow back!"

"Oh, yeah!" Scott snarled at Fang. "So, you wanna play rough, do ya? Well, I'm a dirt farmer, so I know how to too!" He pounced on Fang, quickly flipped him over and yanked out a tooth that was ready to fall out. "That's how it's done!" Fang groaned.

Heather grinned maliciously at Owen and lunged. Owen farted at that exact moment, the gas clouding the air in front of them. But Heather emerged from the gas and tackled him.

"All right Heather! We've won!" Courtney cheered. But Heather kept laying into Owen. "Uh, Heather?"

"DIE, STUPID MISFIT!" Heather roared. Running noises. Heather looked up to see Noah jump into the air and plant both feet into her chest, knocking her off of Owen's chest.

"Thanks Noah," Owen said timidly.

Noah panted. He clutched the left side of his chest as his scarred ribs throbbed. But still, he stood tall, and had this to say to Heather, who looked up at him from the ground:

"Mess with one Misfit, you mess with all Misfits."

* * *

 **Floating Salmon: Amy (0), Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy (0), Topher (0), Sierra (1), Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty (0), Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin (1), Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay (1), Cameron (0), Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo (0), Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody (0), Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth (1), and Sam (1).**

 **Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella (1), Emma (1), Brady (1), Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott (1), Heather (1), Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren (1), Mike (1), Zoey (1), Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar (0), Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky (1), Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney (1), Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee (1), and Brody (0).**

* * *

"And now let's look at the scores!" Chris said. "Floating Salmon, you have sixteen out of thirty-four possible points. Confused Bears, you have eight more for twenty-four, so you win!" The Confused Bears cheered, save for Heather, who glared at Noah as he tended Owen's injuries. Noah saw her and shook his head sternly. "Meet me at the campfire at eight, Floating Salmon, someone's outta here!"

* * *

"Dum de dum de dum, it's dinner time~" Chef hummed to himself. Then he stopped. The piranha from earlier was missing from its tank. "Say what now?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.**

"Duncan is temperamental, lacks motivation, and is no doubt part of an alliance," Scarlett explained. "Whose, I'm not sure of, but the sooner the lunatic leaves, the better." She wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Justin.**

"Sure, I've got a bit of an ego, but I at least know when to put it away," Justin said. "Lightning does not, and I hope he learns to sooner rather than later." He wrote LIGHTNING on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Crimson.**

"I fear Junior's ambition may get the better of him should he stay for much longer," Crimson said. "By eliminating him, I hope he gets humbled." She wrote JUNIOR on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.  
**

"Though I don't have a chance of eliminating Heather, I might be able to get on her good side by voting for an even greater enemy of hers than I am," Gwen explained. She wrote TAYLOR on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we stage our eliminations," Chris said. He was still wearing the suit he'd changed into for the day. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Thirty-four marshmallows sat on the plate, seven of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got in the hopes that the drama will frighten you. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Jasmine, Scarlett, Topher, Geoff, Trent, Gwen, Kitty, Izzy, Leshawna, Justin, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler, Jo, DJ, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Harold, Dawn, Beth, and Sam."

Next, he pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Duncan's gotten votes before, but Samey hasn't." Sammy was quick to figure out who voted for her, and nervously glanced behind her. Sierra snarled at her and bit a pencil in half, scaring her.

Chris pointed to the triad of green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. And boy, do we have a lot of them today. Taylor, two votes. Amy, four votes. Lightning, five votes."

"What?! You can't be serious! Lightning's a better competitor than all y'all!" Lightning griped.

"Yeah, I know!" Amy agreed. But they got their marshmallows anyway.

Two marshmallows whose colors matched those of the falling leaves around them were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're not welcome on this show anymore. Junior. Alejandro."

Alejandro looked reserved.

"Junior, most people don't know you well enough to consider allying with you. Save for a certain pigtailed Misfit, something most people recognize. Alejandro, people recognize _you_ as one of the best competitors here, someone who will be hard to take down. One of you has gotten the dirty dozen...

...

...

...

...

"And that person is Junior!"

"Hey, I got to be on TV," Junior shrugged. "It's gotta count for something. Any of you guys have advice? I could use some for when I go back to school."

"Be wary of ambition," Crimson warned emotionlessly. "It can be a great tool, but it can also destroy you. To get where you want to go in life, you must learn to control it."

"...I don't really understand that, but I think I might eventually," Junior replied. "See ya!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Kitty.**

Kitty sighed. "Now I'm the only freshman here. I'll need to work extra-hard to stay in with my friends. Crimson's right, you gotta be careful with ambition. Although...I can't help but feel that was directed at Alejandro too and not just Junior. I dunno, that girl's mysterious af."  


* * *

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Seventeen down. Sixty-seven remain. Who'll conquer terror and who won't? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Hey Chris!" Chris turned around and shrieked when he saw an empty bottle of hair care product, before quickly running away. Phil high-fived the other interns for successfully getting back at their evil boss.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Amy – Junior  
**

 **Jasmine – Amy  
**

 **Scarlett – Duncan  
**

 **Sammy – Junior  
**

 **Topher – Junior  
**

 **Sierra – Sammy**

 **Geoff – Alejandro  
**

 **Duncan – Junior  
**

 **Trent – Amy  
**

 **Gwen – Taylor  
**

 **Kitty – Alejandro  
**

 **Izzy – Alejandro  
**

 **Junior – Amy  
**

 **Leshawna – Amy  
**

 **Alejandro – Junior  
**

 **Justin – Lightning  
**

 **Brick – Alejandro  
**

 **Crimson – Junior  
**

 **Jay – Alejandro  
**

 **Cameron – Lightning  
**

 **Ryan – Junior  
**

 **Lindsay – Taylor  
**

 **Tyler – Alejandro  
**

 **Jo – Junior  
**

 **Lightning – Junior  
**

 **DJ – didn't vote  
**

 **Katie – Junior  
**

 **Sadie – Junior  
**

 **Cody – Lightning  
**

 **Harold – Lightning  
**

 **Dawn – Alejandro  
**

 **Taylor – Junior  
**

 **Beth – Alejandro  
**

 **Sam – Lightning**

 **Results: 12-8-5-4-2-1-1 Junior-Alejandro-Lightning-Amy-Taylor-Sammy-Duncan  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah), Heather (Gwen), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)  
**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"Yo, Joseph, have you seen the piranha I was gonna cook tonight?" Chef asked the intern.

"Sorry sir, but I haven't. Although the watery footprints _should_ count as a clue..."

It was then that Chef noticed a trail of large, flat marks on the ground of the kitchen. Some had dried out already, leaving marks on the cheap tile floor.

"Well, crap."

* * *

In the distance, the remains of the piranha dripped out of someone's mouth. Fang shuffled along the forest floor, his anal fins having morphed into primitive feet.

This shark would be going after that Scott boy in the future, yes indeed. No one makes a fool out of _him_ and lives!

All he had to do was wait.


	25. 1-18: Is This Halloween?

**Review time!**

 **Lara2244: Strategic reasons. Junior didn't interact with many of the upperclassmen, so they weren't able to gauge his effectiveness as an ally. Some, like Lightning, thought he was weak and should give way to the "stronger" competitors. Alejandro wanted to deprive the Misfits of additional support and convinced Duncan and Ryan to vote for him; he wasn't the only person who voted for Junior for this reason. There are other reasons, too: Sammy was forced to vote for him by Amy, as otherwise she would've voted for Sierra for depriving their team of two potential points. I was always going to have Junior leave early so he could escape the chaos that is to come in the later chapters. Speaking of which, I hope you liked my feature-length adaptation of Niagra Brawls!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I reread my own story, plus the wiki and TVTropes, to keep things nice and consistent.**

 **Frank Uhlbeck: Sorry, but the nature of Total Drama means favorites have to leave. Trust me, I'm not going to enjoy eliminating Cody when the time comes. Kitty's a tough girl though, she can cope.**

 **Joel Conell: Thanks, and here it is! I immediately made a connection between Sierra's phobia causing Cody to mess up, and Sammy got caught in the fray. I characterize the Benevolent Twin as normally docile and sweet, but when push comes to shove she can be just as violent as Amy (it runs in the family). Junior leaving was meant to be symbolic: he's the youngest competitor, and his elimination coincides with Alejandro, Heather, the Ice Dancers, and of course Chris and Blaineley stepping up their nefarious, deceitful plans; in other words, this fic just lost its innocence. Hope you liked Niagra Brawls!**

 **AlienGhostWizard14: Thanks! Unfortunately that's the way things are for most of the contestants. But things will change very soon, yes indeed...**

* * *

 _Tuesday, October 31, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – boo! [Jo freaking out because of the winged spider] Today's Halloween, but we needed to see if our favorite ragtag band of chumps could handle it first. [Sylvester throwing the bat at Lindsay] The Floating Salmon [Ryan dumping ice on Geoff] and the Confused Bears [Lauren tied to the pole surrounded by tar] tried to outlast each other as they faced their respective phobias. [Harold hitting himself with his nunchucks] Some went well [Scott taking Fang's tooth], some went horribly wrong [Brody screaming], and some were just plain _weird_! [Devin fighting Zeke] Ultimately, the Confused Bears cleared their minds and conquered their fears. [Zoey and Mike talking] But the Floating Salmon did not. [Sierra causing the stink bomb to go off] In a surprise twist, Junior, who the others didn't know all that well, was the one who left. [Junior's elimination]

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. He was dressed as a werewolf, with a fake beard, chest hair, fangs, tail, and a plaid shirt. The fangs made him lisp. "Thixty-theven contethtanth remain. Thoo'll get the threet of fame and fortune and thoo'll be thricked out of their earningth? Find out in today'th episode of

"Thotal.

"Drama!"

He spat out the fangs. "BLEAUGH! I am NOT gonna wear those again."

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Harold was carrying a jack-o-lantern, and the force of the hit whacked it into his chin, covering his face in an orange beard of pumpkin pulp. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris terrorizing the interns, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Ella and Lindsay doting on the bat from the previous challenge, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Lorenzo getting bitten by a snake.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until Sasquatchanakwa showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the ape. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a black rubber raft decorated with skulls. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Brody watched before shrugging and digging into his candy.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke and Mike were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Mike became Manitoba and dived in to save the ungrateful girls.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired each other. Behind them, Justin and Lauren casually chatted over a cauldron of boiling marshmallow fluff. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a black widow spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting orange slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Emma looked at each other and grimaced. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, Jasmine, Noah, Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Trent decided to try his hand at the skeletal xylophone. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows, then back at him. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom and Jen look over costume designs. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera, his eyes glowing bright red.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett picked up a scythe and began cutting down the lustblossoms with it.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Geoff and Bridgette looked each other in the eyes...and then Beardo interrupted the moment by appearing between them and whistling the rest of the theme song.

* * *

 _Confused Bears_

"I am SO glad Chris forgot to tell everyone my immunity wore off last Saturday," Noah said. He was reading, appropriately for the day, _The Shining_. He was inside, as it was getting gradually colder out. More indoor challenges would be in order soon, that much was certain.

"Me too," Emma agreed. She was sitting next to him with her own copy of the book. "Can't believe Junior left so soon."

"Well, we didn't get a chance to know him all that well," Noah replied, "so that's probably it. Still though, I'm glad we at least got Alejandro into the danger zone for the first time in a long while. I hope that'll teach him to back off, though I think that's not too likely."

"So who's next?"

"If we get on a team that's mostly us and hardly any of his alliance, we stand a good chance of getting rid of him. Again, though, that should only be used as a fail-safe."

"Meaning that if the rest of our alliance ends up on a team with just him, we can beat his team and send him home."

"Wow, I never even considered that. It's a little underhanded, but it's still perfectly legal."

"Campers! Report to Climate Hall for an important announcement!" Chris' voice came over the speakers.

"Is it really?" Noah asked.

Emma chuckled. "If we want a million dollars, it better be."

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"Wow. I still can't believe it. I have a girlfriend," Noah said in astonishment. "Emma's exactly what Owen said he hoped I'd find: someone who understands me, cares, and makes me truly happy." He smiled at the camera.

"Life is looking good, for once."

* * *

"Happy Halloween, everyone!" Chris said at the front door of Climate Hall in his werewolf costume.

"Chris, what did you do this time, man?" Ryan laughed.

"Is that vegan hair?" Everyone stared at Miles. "What?"

"It's not vegan hair, it's my own. Every hair I shed, I save for times like this," Chris replied.

"That's nasty!" Leshawna cringed.

"Hey, my hair's _awesome_. Of course I save it. Speaking of saving, guess what I've got for you all!?"

"A bunch of candy?" Sugar asked.

"Appropriately for someone with your name, yes, I do!" Chris confirmed. "Hidden around the island are various caches of confectionery. Since today's Halloween, I thought it fitting for today's challenge to revolve around collecting it. But of course, there's gonna be some fun, too."

"Fun being a relative term, of course," Scarlett said, adjusting her glasses.

"Amy, Duncan, MacArthur, Lightning, Stephanie, Sierra, Eva, Jacques, Josee, Zeke, Scott, Heather, Courtney, Gwen, Lorenzo, Jo, Leshawna, Dave, Sky, Taylor, Izzy, and Katie. You are the Vicious Vampires!"

"Oh my gosh, yes!" Katie squealed. "Vampires are so cool!"

"No, they really aren't," Heather scoffed.

"They are if done right," Gwen retorted. Both of them glared at each other.

"Next up, Jasmine, Geoff, Bridgette, Brody, Owen, B, Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Ella, Beardo, Tom, Jen, Justin, Lindsay, Cody, Scarlett, Samey, Mike, Dawn, Sanders, and Trent. You are the Magnificent Monsters!"

"Are you ready for the monster, monster~" Ella sang joyfully.

"Everyone else, you're the Grouchy Ghosts. Since your form's the wimpiest, I gave you an extra member. Now, for the rules.

"November's coming, and it can get pretty windy. So your first task is to enter Climate Hall and brave a gale! On the other side is a sticker with your team's mascot. The first eleven people of your team to reach it gets to do a special job in part two: finding the candy!

"Those first eleven people become the trick-or-treaters for your team. They will dress as your assigned cryptid and scour the island for bags of candy such as these." He produced three small felt bags from his pants pockets. One was red, one was yellow, and one was blue. "These are color-coded for your teams and are worth points. Red bags can only be taken by the Monsters, yellow by the Vampires, and blue by the Ghosts.

"Of course, we also have _these_." He produced three more bags. One was orange, one was green, and one was purple. "These secondary-colored pouches are rarer than the primary-colored ones. Orange can be collected by both Vampires and Monsters, green by both Vampires and Ghosts, and purple by both Ghosts and Monsters. The other half of your team can take these – but not directly. They have to find you and take your bags from you like a childhood thief!"

"I miss those days," Duncan sighed wistfully.

"But if you get a bag that's the wrong color, you get a point deduction! I'll explain the scoring later. For now, you should know that _these_ are acceptable fare for all of you." He pulled out an additional three bags each in black, gray, and white. "These are even rarer. Rarest of all, though, is the ultimate golden bag, which I don't have with me 'cuz there's only one. This could be a dealbreaker, so you _really_ want to find it because it _cannot_ be stolen or your team is disqualified.

"Now for scoring. These are based on powers of ten because October's the tenth month of the year. Primary colors are worth one point, secondary colors are worth ten points, grayscales are worth a hundred points, and the gold one is worth a thrifty thousand!"

"...I question your choice of adjectives," Harold said finally.

"I question your face," Josee replied. Harold spluttered incoherently as she turned away from him.

"Okay everyone! Get in there and good luck!" Chris opened the doors and ran away.

The air inside blasted them full-throttle.

* * *

 **Vicious Vampires: Amy, Duncan, MacArthur, Lightning, Stephanie, Sierra, Eva, Jacques, Josee, Zeke, Scott, Heather, Courtney, Gwen, Lorenzo, Jo, Leshawna, Dave, Sky, Taylor, Izzy, and Katie.**

 **Magnificent Monsters: Jasmine, Geoff, Bridgette, Brody, Owen, B, Alejandro, Ryan, Brady, Ella, Beardo, Tom, Jen, Justin, Lindsay, Cody, Scarlett, Sammy, Mike, Dawn, Sanders, and Trent.**

 **Grouchy Ghosts: Topher, Kitty, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Tyler, DJ, Sadie, Harold, Beth, Sam, Noah, Emma, Ennui, Devin, Carrie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Zoey, Sugar, and Shawn.**

* * *

Zeke was slammed into the wall. "AAAAAAAAH, EH!" He peeled off and collapsed to the ground.

"My tears are going into all of my face!" Brody exclaimed.

"'What? Speak up, I can't hear you!" Bridgette yelled back.

But eventually, eleven people from each team made it to their respective stickers.

"And we're good!" Chris said, turning off the wind. "Now get into your costumes so we can start things up!"

* * *

 **Underlined are the Trick-or-Treaters.**

 **Vicious Vampires: Amy,** **Duncan** **,** **MacArthur** **,** **Lightning** **, Stephanie,** **Sierra** **,** **Eva** **,** **Jacques** **, Josee,** **Zeke** **, Scott, Heather,** **Courtney** **, Gwen,** **Lorenzo** **, Jo, Leshawna, Dave,** **Sky** **, Taylor,** **Izzy** **, and Katie.**

 **Magnificent Monsters:** **Jasmine** **,** **Geoff** **,** **Bridgette** **,** **Brody** **,** **Owen** **, B,** **Alejandro** **,** **Ryan** **,** **Brady** **, Ella, Beardo, Tom, Jen,** **Justin** **, Lindsay, Cody,** **Scarlett** **, Sammy, Mike, Dawn,** **Sanders** **, and Trent.**

 **Grouchy Ghosts: Topher, Kitty,** **Brick** **,** **Crimson** **, Jay, Cameron, Tyler,** **DJ** **, Sadie,** **Harold** **,** **Beth** **,** **Sam** **, Noah, Emma,** **Ennui** **,** **Devin** **,** **Carrie** **, Miles,** **Laurie** **, Lauren, Zoey, Sugar, and** **Shawn** **.**

* * *

 _Communal Washrooms_

"Say Chris, is there gonna be any choclit in the bags?" Sugar asked excitedly. Everyone was waiting for the Trick-or-Treaters to finish changing.

"Unfortunately, no."

Sugar's face fell. "Why not?"

"Blame Noah, he's allergic and my lawyers would kill me if he had an attack."

Sugar growled at Noah. "Thanks a lot, nerd!"

"Hey, back off! Allergies can and have killed people," Emma snapped. "Besides, not everyone likes chocolate, case in point myself, and people are perfectly free to have their own opinions if they don't hurt anyone."

"Missy, you're gettin' my vote if we lose today."

"And you're getting _ours_ if we do," Noah replied. Sugar remembered that Noah had a very big alliance more than capable of sending her home. She gulped and ran off like a frightened dog.

The Trick-or-Treaters emerged. The Vicious Vampires' had their hair slicked back, dapper brown suits, and their faces paled with makeup. The Magnificent Monsters' were wearing fuzzy pink costumes with heir heads peeking out of a monster's mouth, the head adorned with two googly eyes, antennae, and visible gills. And the Grouchy Ghosts had short, ethereal blue tunics over their normal clothes. All of them held a black plastic bag, as did everyone else.

"I'm in my underwear under this costume!" Owen said happily. His team's Trick-or-Treaters were in their skivvies inside their costumes to prevent them from overheating.

"I did NOT need to know that," Taylor gagged.

" _I_ did," Izzy purred, licking her lips lewdly.

"Okay everyone, listen up! You have until three to get as many bags as you want. And you'll want to spend as much time as possible, because this is a big island and you have a lot of space to cover. Meet me at the Drama Arena when we're done. Now go!" Chris pulled out his air horn and blew it.

The race was on.

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance_

The five of them met in Zata clearing. "If Chris thought he could hide the blue bags with the blueberries, he was sadly mistaken," Alejandro said on noticing five blue bags poorly hidden in the now-lifeless bushes.

Devin took them. "So who are we all voting for? I'm thinking Sugar."

"Dude, you _know_ Sugar's been dodging elimination for months now," Ryan said. "What makes you think today's gonna be any different?"

"Well, Sugar made Noah and Emma angry, so the Misfits are probably going after her. And they have a deal with the Geeks I'm pretty sure, so they'll help them too. Together that's twelve votes for Sugar, and if I help too, that's thirteen. Which gives us the majority out of a team of twenty-three and makes the vote more likely to succeed."

Alejandro pondered this. "Normally, I do not like dealing with the Misfits. Noah and I have an old score to settle. But Sugar is far more annoying than he is, so your plan is completely valid. I personally would go for Scarlett, as she's still a prime mental threat."

"Yeah, voting for Scarlett's fine by me. She scares me a little to be honest. Remember that time she lost it at Chet?" Brady asked.

"Yeah, it was pretty awesome," Duncan replied. "Me, I think I'd go for Zeke. It's not like he's good for much. And if my team loses, we won't need to make that deal with the Misfits."

" _Excellente,_ " Alejandro grinned.

* * *

 _Vicious Vampires_

Eva punched a spruce and a yellow, an orange, and a green bag fell down. "Yes! Twenty-one points!"

"I've got four hundred!" Izzy said, pulling three black bags and one gray bag out of her cleavage.

"...Did Chris actually–"

"No, I found them in the washroom. Didn't wanna show anyone else until the moment was right."

"Your timing is questionable, but thanks anyway. Who should we vote for if we lose?"

"Izzy thinks Heather's up to something."

"Izzy is right," Eva agreed. "C'mon, let's get outta here."

* * *

 _Grouchy Ghosts_

Harold gingerly picked up a purple bag from the stage. "Okay, that's the last of them," he said. He, along with Crimson and Laurie, had decided to go to the Drama Theaters, where they found a large number of bags. They'd also brought trash bags to make carrying them all easier.

"Great. Now we're even closer to stopping celebrating the world's second-most overcommercialized holiday," Crimson said monotonously, her trash bags full to bursting.

Suddenly they heard footsteps, and Tom ran in, lunging at the Dweeb. "Give us all your purples and grays!"

"No!" Harold ducked under Tom before planting a fist in his exposed stomach. Tom landed hard. "See? I _told_ you I have mad skillz!"

* * *

"And we all thought Harold was lame," Chris said.

"He IS lame," Heather scoffed as she pocketed an orange bag, Sanders pinned under her foot.

"Who else has this in the bag? Find out after these messages."

"Um, a little help here?" Sanders groaned.

"Hm...no." Sanders sighed in defeat.

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "It's high noon and it's time to look at the scores!" A set of numbers and charts appeared behind him.

"The Vicious Vampires have sixteen yellow bags, twelve orange bags, fourteen green bags, three black bags, and one gray bag for 676 points! Fun fact, that's twenty-six squared!

"The Magnificent Monsters have thirty-nine red bags, five orange bags, seventeen purple bags, and two white bags for 359 points!

"And the Grouchy Ghosts have fifty-one blue bags, twenty-six green bags, twenty- _five_ purple bags, and two black bags for 761 points! They're currently in the lead! However, the elusive golden bag has yet to be found, and there are a LOT more bags to find. So let's rejoin them, shall we?"

* * *

 _Vicious Vampires_

"Why are all the red ones over here?!" Amy groaned, noticing a sea of red bags on the floor of Cabin Six. "Why not a yellow one, or a white one? Something that's not this!"

"Amy, you KNOW we aren't allowed to directly take the bags even if they ARE our team's," Katie replied. "We have to stay here and keep watch while Courtney finishes. I'll admit, even if I'm not in your clique, I still want my team to win this."

"Won't that mean your precious girlfriend'll be sent away?"

"Not really. Sadie's not at much risk right now. Besides, even if she is, it doesn't mean she's dead or anything. And again, we aren't joined at the hip. We'll cope."

"Guys, I got all the stuff!" Courtney announced. She returned carrying three dozen yellow bags, ten green bags, nine orange bags, seven white bags, and one gray bag.

Amy's jaw dropped. "How are you–"

"I'm a CIT. Now let's get a move on before anyone else comes to take these from us!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.**

"Courtney can do a lot of things and she says that's because she was a CIT for two years," Amy said, perplexed. "... _What kind of camp did she work at?!_ "

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"Master Steve's Survival Camp! We taught the kids how to handle a variety of tricky physical _and_ mental obstacles," Courtney said, puffing up with pride. "Momma didn't raise no sucker."

* * *

 _Grouchy Ghosts_

"So, Sugar?" Noah asked while he and Tyler hid in a bush.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Josee roared. Noah and Tyler had done the unthinkable and stole one of her purple bags from her. As Josee rampaged, they were quick to hush their voices.

"Josee, that's enough!" Gwen bellowed. "We need to be focusing on figuring out where the golden bag is. That'll put us ahead of everyone!"

"It's not that! It's the principle of the thing! I am NOT going to lose to some MISFITS!"

"I'm RIGHT here, y'knoo!" Zeke admonished. "Besides, I goot us a gray bag from under me bed. Thas' gonna be worth moore to us than the poorple one." Josee sighed in defeat and followed them back.

"Yeah, Sugar. And Josee next," Tyler said.

After Tyler left with the bag, Noah noticed something in a nearby oak tree. It was the skeleton of the intern that had been eaten by the sleeping tree octopus. Next to it, though, something glimmered.

Noah hated physical labor, but he bravely marched forward and climbed up an arm of the octopus that was hanging down close to the ground and went into the hollow. He carefully removed Tyler's immunity idol from the skeleton's hand and slid down the slimy limb to hide the idol with the others.

* * *

 _Magnificent Monsters_

Someone else had already found the golden bag. Owen and Mike looked up at it, which was perched on the top of a Grecian column at the campfire. "This seems really cliche," Owen noted.

"Yeah. How are we gonna get it down?"

"We'd have to knock down the pole, but I don't think you're strong enough."

"No, but _you_ are in Food Mode."

"But...I could hurt someone!"

"Owen, trust me, I know a lot about that. Control is the key. Just keep it up for twenty seconds. I mean...don't you want to find out what candy's inside it?"

"I do!" Owen's eyes turned completely green and he ran up to the column before pushing it down. The column came to the ground with a _kssh!_ and crumbled to pieces. Owen's eyes went back to normal and he picked up the golden bag. "Thanks for your help Mike!"

"Anytime! Now let's get back to our team!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Mike.**

"That's MY strength. Sure, Svetlana, Vito, and Manitboa are faster, stronger, and tougher, and Chester's got an inordinate tolerance of boring things, but _I_ have the best social game."

* * *

 _Vicious Vampires_

Heather groaned as she wandered through the woods. "It'd take a _miracle_ to get out from under Gwen."

Her words were heeded when a cow-sized ball of fur emerged from the ground. "Is that a giant beaver? No, wait, what am I saying? Beavers don't burrow! That's a mutant gopher!"

The nearly-blind rodent sniffed around and turned his head in her direction. Heather gulped. Luckily, the creature didn't like the smell of her perfume and quickly dug back into the ground.

Then she saw something unearthed by the gopher. "An immunity idol! Please be my own! But if it's Gwen or someone else's, I'll be fine too!" She picked it up and cleaned it off. "YES!" she cheered on seeing her name written on the back.

"Heather?" Scott asked. She quickly hid her idol. "You okay?"

"You'll see soon enough, Scott. Did you find any more bags?"

"Just this black one," he replied. "Tried to steal an orange from Bridgette but she was too fast.'

"It doesn't really matter. We can find more later.

* * *

"WHAT?!" Heather cried on seeing Owen bring in the golden bag.

"And with that, this competish is over!" Chris announced into the loudspeakers. "It's three o'clock, and I want everyone to meet me at the beach so we can count up our catches!

* * *

"The Vicious Vampires found all 200 yellow bags and have thirty-two orange bags, forty-eight green bags, nine black bags, five gray bags, and three white bags. Their final score is 2700.

"The Magnificent Monsters found all 200 red bags and have sixty-eight orange bags, fifty-five purple bags, twenty black bags, ten gray bags, six white bags, and the golden bag. Their final score is 6030.

"And the Grouchy Ghosts found all 200 blue bags and have fifty-two green bags, forty-five purple bags, four black bags, eighteen gray bags, and twenty-four white bags. Their final score is 5770. The Magnificent Monsters win!" The Monsters cheered and thumped each other on the back.

"Grouchy Ghosts, you did well and got very close to the lead, so you're safe. However, the Vicious Vampires weren't vicious enough and lost today's game," Chris continued. "The Trick-or-Treaters are now allowed to change back into their normal clothes. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Vicious Vampires, someone's future is at stake! HA! But _whose_? You decide!"

* * *

 _Some time later_

 _Misfit Alliance_

"Another month checked off the list and one step closer to the end of season one," Noah said to his fellow Misfits after dinner when everyone was opening their bags. "I propose a toast. To our alliance and to our friendships!" He raised a green Airhead above his head.

"Here here!" everyone concurred, raising their own candies.

Owen unzipped the golden bag, revealing it was filled with nothing but light pink, red-speckled jellybeans. He picked one up and ate it. "Hey, these are lychee-flavored!"

"Must be why they're in the gold bag, then," Carrie said after biting the head off a large violet gummy bear. "I don't think they're even _sold_ in Canada."

"Here, Mike," Owen said, giving the Split Personality one of the jellybeans. "A thank-you for helping me."

"You're welcome, big guy," Mike replied, touched.

* * *

Amy unzipped a black bag and among the various lollipops was an immunity idol. On seeing whose it was, Amy got an evil grin on her face. "Oh, Saaaaamey~"

"What?" her sister asked. She gasped when she realized Amy held her idol.

"I'm not gonna tell you where I'm gonna hide it, but if we lose, I'm gonna vote for you and send you home with this unless you vote exactly the way I tell you to," Amy threatened. She unwrapped a grapefruit-flavored lollipop, stuck it in her mouth so it looked like a cigarette, and stalked off to hide the idol.

"Oh no..." Sammy shivered.

"Don't worry mate," Jasmine said. "Amy can't vote for ya if you're not on the same team."

"But now that Amy has the idol, Chris is gonna keep us on the same team for weeks! I'm sure of it!"

"Oh, right. In that case, I'll help you in any way that I can."

"Thanks Jasmine. You're the best."

* * *

 _Field Alliance (and Gwen)_

"So we all know who we're voting for?" Scott asked, his mouth full of gumdrops.

"Scott, swallow before speaking," Courtney scolded. Scott whimpered and did so.

"Yeah, Josee was a real pain during the challenge," Gwen said. "Not to mention she's one of _the_ best competitors. Without her, things would be a lot easier for us."

"Agreed. We'll all vote for her. Depending on how everyone else votes, we'll either eliminate her or stick her in a tiebreaker that she stands a 50% chance of losing."

"You put a lot of thought into this."

"Of course I do! I have to prove I'm better than everyone else," Courtney replied, flipping her hair. "If that's one thing my parents taught me, it's that if you're not ahead, you're behind. Although...working with you's been really fun, Gwen."

Gwen smiled. "You too, Court. I'm just glad the final ten are up to random chance. Final ten, guys?"

"Final ten!" Courtney and Scott said together.

"Yeah..." Heather trailed off, busy with her own plotting.

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance_

Alejandro had to do the laundry that day, and noticed something hidden behind one of the dryers. He pulled it out, found it was Duncan's immunity idol, and quickly pocketed it.

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"If I get votes tonight, and I probably will, then I can play the idol and humiliate that pale freak," Heather chuckled darkly. "So long as she thinks she's got power over me, though, I think I'll try to get rid of _another_ one of my enemies." She wrote JOSEE on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Dave.**

"I'm not technically a Misfit, just a normal guy with germaphobia, but I heard who they're voting for and I wanna help," Dave said. He wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper, unwittingly helping further Heather's plans.

* * *

 **Confessional – Taylor.**

"He's ugly and not cool! Sheesh, get a life," Taylor growled, writing ZEKE on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Lightning.**

"Lightning normally doesn't like using his smarts, but he's pretty sha-sure Sky's gonna be hard to beat later in the game." He wrote SKY on a piece of paper.

* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. He'd finally taken off the werewolf outfit. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Twenty-two marshmallows sat on the plate, seven of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to unwrap the drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are MacArthur, Lightning, Stephanie, Sierra, Eva, Jacques, Scott, Courtney, Gwen, Lorenzo, Leshawna, Dave, Taylor, Izzy, and Katie."

Chris pointed to the three blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Sky, Amy, and Duncan, these are yours."

Once they were done, Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Jo, two votes. Heather, five votes."

"Um, Chris? Is it alright to present this even if I'm not at risk of elimination?" Heather asked. She presented him with her immunity idol.

Gwen choked on her marshmallow. After she was done coughing she screamed "WHAT?! Where'd you get that?"

"Honestly Gwen, under a tree is a terrible place to hide something so valuable," Heather sneered.

"That is true. Heather, you got five votes against you, so the idol's good! However, you used your own, so it's only good for half as long as it would be if you used someone else's." Chris pressed a button on his remote and the idol turned gray.

"Whatever." Heather went back to her seat.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Josee. Zeke."

Josee looked like she was about to explode at any minute.

"Josee, your anger-management skills need work. Like, a lot. But you're also a really good competitor who refuses to give up. Zeke, you have little knowledge of the outside world, and that's a problem. How much, then?...

...

...

...

...

"Not enough, because you're both tied!"

"Uh-ooh," Zeke gulped.

* * *

"Here's today's tiebreaker: bobbing for apples!" In front of both teens was a wooden barrel filled with water and a few apples. "You need to pick up one of these in fifteen seconds with your teeth. First person to do so wins!"

Josee very quickly snatched one of hers up, but Zeke failed. "And Josee stays in the game!"

"YES! Chris, _la guimave orange, s'il vous plait_." Chris handed her the orange marshmallow. Zeke simply sighed, got the red one, and left quietly.

But there was something the teens should've noticed about the apples: Josee was bobbing for Fuji apples, which were considerably less dense (and thus easier to reach from the surface) than the Cameos Zeke was going after.

Chris' bias had struck once again.

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"There goes my last chance of getting rid of Heather until the fifteenth," Gwen groaned. "Although Courtney _does_ have a point, it might be time to put this rivalry behind us once and for all."

* * *

"Ah, yes, the thrilling conclusion to the saga of Gwen having power over Heather." Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Eighteen down. Sixty-six remain to get their kicks. Will we unmask the victorious contestant or will our losers eat their sadness away first? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

It was then that an actual wolf howled in the night. Chris' eyes shrunk and he shuddered in fear.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Amy – Zeke**

 **Duncan – Zeke**

 **MacArthur – Heather**

 **Lightning – Sky**

 **Stephanie – Jo**

 **Sierra – Jo**

 **Eva – Heather**

 **Jacques – Zeke**

 **Josee – Zeke**

 **Zeke – Heather**

 **Scott – Josee**

 **Heather – Josee**

 **Courtney – Josee**

 **Gwen – Josee**

 **Lorenzo – Josee**

 **Jo – Zeke**

 **Leshawna – Josee**

 **Dave – Heather**

 **Sky – Amy**

 **Taylor – Zeke**

 **Izzy – Heather**

 **Katie – Duncan**

 **Results: 6-6-5-2-1-1-1 Zeke-Josee-Heather-Jo-Sky-Amy-Duncan**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t)**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro), Sammy (Amy)**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Heather (4)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Phil and Dakota groaned. They were on the boat with Zeke as they needed to go home for the Aftermaths. "You okay, eh?" Zeke asked.

"Not really. Hiding a bunch of sugar with a lot of wild animals around is hard work," Phil explained.

"I knoo. Had to hide all me food in weird places evry time me dad and I went camping."

"Hey Zeke, you're homeschooled just like I was. Why?" Dakota asked.

"Well, me family's pretty pooer, and it was hard gettin' assepted most places," Zeke explained. "Took me until this year to get into Pahkitew, eh."

"Do you...like it there?"

"I doonoo. Harly spent much time there, eh. But I hoope I can make soome new friends like you guys there."

Dakota and Phil looked at each other and nodded. "We'd like that too," Phil said. The three friends continued to talk for the rest of the night.


	26. Aftermath III

**Review time!**

 **AlienGhostWizard14: Thanks! Zeke's actually staying fully human in this, but I wanted to sneak some references to the canon in there.  
**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I knew instantly I'd want to do an original challenge for the Halloween episode (either that or I'd adapt "Hook, Line, and Screamer").**

 **Lara2244: Thanks! Fun fact: Zeke is the first person from the original generation (Jazz was seen in Island but never competed, so she doesn't count) to be eliminated. I don't care too much for the Ice Dancers, either, but since they're the kind of people Chris likes they're going to be sticking around for quite some time.**

 **StarHeart Specials: Nope! Zeke is staying 100% normal if not a little wiser!**

 **AN: The Empty Soldier is the TD version of Hollow Knight.**

* * *

 _Mickey Hart, The Unluckier Adversity Twin.  
_

"AAAAH!" Mickey shrieked as the bison chased him.

 _Jasmine "Jazz" O'Riley, The Dramateur.  
_

"Sugar, they've got a clear advantage over us with B. There's no way we could've topped them," Jazz replied curtly. "Besides, they had no choice. That thing's so big they needed to give it extra support."

 _Max Bennett, The Not-so Evil Villain.  
_

"Pah, people are just too touchy," Max scoffed.

 _Marion "Mary" Morris, The Lax Genius._

"The first one is _Papilio glaucus_ , the eastern tiger swallowtail," Mary began. "The second..." she froze. "Shoot, I don't know it!"

 _Dwayne "Junior" Terrot, Jr., The Ambitious Freshman._

"...I don't really understand that, but I think I might eventually," Junior replied. "See ya!"

 _Ezekiel "Zeke" Calhoun, The Homeschooled Boy._

Zeke was slammed into the wall. "AAAAAAAAH, EH!" He peeled off and collapsed to the ground.

 _The next six contestants who've been eliminated have returned to their school. But while their ex-teammates do their schoolwork–_

Lightning tripped Cameron as the latter went to sharpen his pencil.

 _–we follow up on the losers. Where are they now? What are they up to? And how will the father/son reunion go? This._

 _Is._

 _Aftermath: Total Drama Edition._

* * *

 _Theme music_

The screen opened and the viewer saw two clips, side-by-side, of Mickey and Jazz walking, shot from the front view. Mickey was on the left, Jazz on the right. The clips then wiped up to show Max and Mary in the same setup. It happened again, revealing Junior and Zeke. Then the clips wiped up entirely.

Kelly, Dwayne, and Gerry waved to the camera. Suddenly, a flat panel fell from the ceiling on top of them, crushing them underneath. Blaineley was sitting on the panel and waved to the camera.

A spotlight focused on a curtain. Two interns shakily held up a sign reading TOTAL DRAMA AFTERMATH III: THOUGHTS ABOUT NEMMA. Then they fell over, the sign falling on top of them.

* * *

"Welcome to Total Drama's third aftermath!" Blaineley said to the camera. "Our next six eliminated contestants will be answering our questions from our judge's panel, and there will be some other fun stuff too! You already know the judges, so let's just get to it!"

"And to our Mexican viewers, happy Day of the Dead!" Dwayne added.

"I thought it was _three_ days," Kelly pondered.

"It is, the second day's just the big one," Gerry explained.

"And I don't care!" Blaineley snapped at them. Resuming her happy expression, she said "Let's meet our first eliminated contestant. One of two sets of identical twins on the show – Mickey!"

Mickey timidly got onstage, but as soon as he sat down the chair gave out from under him.

"Ooh!" Dwayne winced. "Is that why you've got a helmet on all the time?"

"Yeah, because I'm usually – _oof_ – a lot more unlucky than Jay is." Mickey stood up and Phil replaced the chair for him. "Thanks Phil."

"Hey, just because I'm here doesn't mean my intern duties don't stop," Phil replied. "Unfortunately..."

"Mickey, I read the discord and apparently a lot of people ship you with Kitty," Kelly said. "Do _you_?"

"No, not really. Kitty's too bold and adventurous for me. I'd want to meet a girl who's shyer and less energetic."

"The last few challenges were really tough," Gerry said. "If you hadn't been eliminated when you were, which of the ones after it do you think you'd fail at?"

"Definitely the tightrope one! I get why DJ was so afraid of it."

 _"CHRIS DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT US TO DIE?!" DJ shrieked._

Mickey got up and joined the Peanut Gallery. "Our next contestant's been a part of the Pahkitew Players for so long she needs no introduction – Jazz!" Jazz walked onstage.

"Leshawna said you're her best friend," Dwayne said. "If you don't mind me asking, how long have you two known each other?"

"Since third grade," Jazz said.

"How's your leg?" Kelly asked.

"It's better than it was. Nothing too bad, just a few bruises and a pulled muscle."

"I know that feeling," Gerry concurred. "I've had more tennis elbows than I have arms. Anyway, what effect do you think Sugar rigging the votes to get you out will have on your friends?"

"Well, I've always been good at keeping them from going too nuts, and I think they're already starting to," Jazz said.

 _"Well OF COURSE we did poorly!" Stephanie griped. "We got stuck with something most of us barely even know! And now we've got AMY of all people, as in the person who didn't even BOTHER helping us, trying to beat the next part!" She sighed. "I try not to be competitive like this, but sometimes I think it's more than a little justified!...I wish Jazz was here, because she's really good at calming people down in times like this. Stupid Sugar..."_

"And we all know Leshawna beat Sugar up herself."

 _"CHRIS, YOU'RE NEXT!" Leshawna bellowed. She'd finished roughing up Sugar, who had a few cuts and a black eye, while Leshawna didn't even have her hair messed up._

"Chris didn't get hurt, by the way!" Blaineley announced. "He did the brave thing and climbed the nearest tree. Leshawna was too big to come after him, so she left him alone."

"Is that a fat joke about my cousin?" Leshaniqua growled.

Blaineley gulped. "A-and now let's get on to our favorite technicolor-haired techie – Max!"

Rather than walk onstage, Max teleported on. "Oh joy, it worked without scrambling my atoms," Max said.

"Max, you say you're evil, but you aren't really. Care to explain?" Dwayne asked.

"I look up to the villains in comic books, foolish mortal! They're less...one-dimensional than the heroes. Except Catman, he's alright. What I admire most about the villains is their drive to do what they want! I feel they'd get more acceptance in their backstories if public opinion was different. Remember, villains are never born; they're made."

"He's right, dudes," Rock agreed.

"Max, you said you and Scarlett met at a science fair. Care to expand on that?" Kelly asked.

"Of course. Scarlett and I met because we both had similar experiments regarding genetic modification. I wanted to make a blue apple, she was trying to make a mouse that actually _could_ digest lactose. Innocent enough, but the judge disqualified both of us simply because he thought it was 'unethical'."

"What did you do when he said that?" Gerry asked.

"I told him his face was unethical." The Peanut Gallery laughed. "He was really angry but Scarlett was impressed by my gumption, and my relationship with her expanded from there."

Max left the stage and sat next to Mickey and Jazz. "You two. Meet me at City Hall after school today. I have important information for both of you."

"Uh...sure thing, dude," Jazz said, confused.

Blaineley didn't even notice their conversation. "Speaking of love, our next contestant was eliminated the day of my anniversary – Mary!" Mary came onstage.

"Mary, you were eliminated but handle being away from Lorenzo better than Ellody did for Chet. Why is that?" Dwayne asked.

"A simple difference in disposition," Mary replied honestly.

"While we're on that subject, how did the two of you meet?" Kelly asked.

"Did you mean Ellody or Lorenzo? It doesn't matter, I'll do both. Lorenzo and I met in fourth grade and our love life followed the whole 'best-friends-become-a-couple' thing. Ellody and I tied for first in the eighth grade spelling bee and have been close ever since. More than I could say for our boyfriends at the time, but they've come a long way since then."

 _"Dude! The way you helped the Adversity Twins? Awesome!" Chet complimented Lorenzo once everyone had reunited with their teams and making their way back to the cabins_

 _"Thanks! I think our win makes up for your failure."_

 _The two fist-bumped. "Maybe we're not such bad teammates after all," Chet said._

 _"We can try being friends. I mean, what do we have to lose?"_

 _"So much for them being like us, but dudes," Sammy remarked to Amy._

 _"Again, Samey, shut up."_

"Yeah! Lorenzo's awesome!" Chet shouted from the audience.

"And speaking of couples, which of the four that came together during the challenge you were eliminated in surprised you the most?" Gerry asked.

"Katie and Sadie always had that closer-than-normal-friends bond, so not them. Noah and Emma were too obviously going to synergize, as were DJ and Dawn. Honestly, I'm surprised Leshawna was so open to accepting Harold right off the bat, but not that she wanted to put it on hold."

"I think she'd like to know him better before she can safely say she likes him," Leshaniqua explained.

"Good point!" Mary agreed, getting up to leave.

"On the subject of points, our youngest competitor on the island didn't get his because he was afraid of a little spider – Junior!"

"Hey! Don't speak about my son that way!" Dwayne scolded.

"Dad, please, I can handle it. I'm fourteen, I'm not a little kid anymore," Junior deadpanned as he took his seat.

Dwayne chuckled nervously. "Sorry kiddo. How'd you like the show?"

"It was alright. Could've done with less of Chris being a butthead though."

"Don't speak about my husband that way!" Blaineley exclaimed.

"When it's _him_ , it's funnier," Leonard muttered.

"Junior, it was said you were eliminated because of your lone wolf attitude," Kelly said. "Do you think that's true?"

"Yeah. I didn't bother getting to know most of the others 'cuz they're all older than me. Rodney was rarely ever on my team, and he's definitely not in any of my classes. Really, Kitty was the only one I talked to a lot, and I gotta say I definitely like her."

"If you could design any future challenge, what would it be?" Gerry asked.

"I always thought the VR challenges were really cool, so I'd have one of those. Maybe we could do one themed on my favorite video game, The Empty Soldier."

* * *

 **Confessional – Blaineley.**

"I should totally do that!" Blaineley exclaimed. She quickly got up and left.  


However, Don was still there, and now knowing Blaineley never bothered to watch the Aftermaths, he got up and addressed the audience himself. "Typical Blaineley. She and Chris are so lazy any good idea they hear they immediately take as their own."

* * *

"And now for our final contestant, who's by far the newest to the district – Zeke!"

"Check it!" Zeke said confidently as he took his seat.

"How are you handling elimination?" Dwayne asked.

"It's noot too foon bein' oot soo early, eh," Zeke said. "Boot Jo said I'd be oot eighth and it took me anoother ten to get vooted oof. Soo I'm glad aboot that."

 _"Wow, that new kid is such a loser," Jo scoffed. "I give him five more challenges until he's out."_

"Could you please drop the accent? You're giving Canada a bad name," Blaineley groaned.

"This is joost how I speak," Zeke growled.

"Your fear that we saw in the phobias challenge was...unusual. Would you like to explain more?" Kelly asked.

"Yes ma'am. Me greatest fear's turnin' intoo a moonster, losin' me mind and becoomin' an animal," Zeke explained. "Boot I'm glad thas not goona happen in real life."

"Are there any talents you would've liked to use in future challenges? I think we had some indication you were into archery," Gerry said.

 _Zeke valiantly fired off arrows from a quiver he'd spawned with, but Courtney easily struck him down with her post, before taking out Tom as well._

"Yeah, I've doone it since I was eight," Zeke confirmed. "Me mom used to be a foreign language teacher, so I coulda yoosed it in a Field Trip or somethin'. I can speak English, French, Spanish, Russian, Arabic, Mandarin Chinese, Cantonese Chinese, and Italian."

"Wow!" Kelly said, impressed. "Eight languages."

"Yeah, me mom taught ambassadors."

"Hey Zeke, we totally missed out on the rewards from yesterday. Can you help us with that?" Staci asked.

"Doon't woorry, I brought candy for all of oos." Zeke took off his hat, revealing he'd stashed several boxes of Mike and Ike's under it before he'd left. "I didn't knoo what you'd all like, but there were a _lot_ oof these."

"Yeah, they were really cheap that day," Blaineley admitted as Zeke went to the audience and distributed them to his fellow eliminees, making sure everyone got a box. "But you'll need to save those for after the Aftermath!" She turned to the camera. "What do I have in store? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Total Trivia: Noah listed the most populated cities in each US state (and Washington, DC, the only city in the District of Columbia) in Episode 16. Of the most-populated cities in the five US unincorporated territories, which as of 2017 has the greatest number of people?  
_

 _A. Pago Pago, American Samoa  
_

 _B. Dededo, Guam  
_

 _C. Saipan, Northern Mariana Islands  
_

 _D. San Juan, Puerto Rico  
_

 _E. Charlotte Amalie, US Virgin Islands_

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

 _Total Trivia: The correct answer is, of course, San Juan, Puerto Rico, which had a population of 355,074 people as of 2015.  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Blaineley announced. "Here in Aftermath, our eliminated contestants are going to compete in challenges themselves. The team with the most points at the end will get to send one of the teams in the next episode of the show an advantage!" Blaineley had six burlap bags that, after assembling the teams, she threw at them.

"Okay, for our first team I want Staci, Dakota, and Mickey. You will be the Godly Grains!" Their bag had an orange logo. The logo consisted of a male loaf of bread with an excited face, a bowtie pasta as a bowtie, wings made of macaroni, and a donut for a halo.

"Next, Leonard, Phil, and Jazz. You guys are the Vile Vegetables!" Their bag had a green logo. It was a Jolly Roger with a turnip for the skull and a stalk of celery and a leaf of lettuce for the crossbones.

"Then it's Tammy, Ellody, and Max. Your team? The Fab Fruits!" Their bag had a red logo. A female apple puckered her lips, a necklace made of currants looping around the base and a leaf slicked over for hair.

"After that we've got Leshaniqua, Rock, and Mary for the Outrageous Oils!" Their logo was yellow. A bottle of olive freaked the heck out.

"For team number five, Spud, Rodney, and Junior will moonlight as the Delightful Dairy!" Their logo was blue. An ice cream cone cheered silently for something.

"Last of all we have Chet, Anne Maria, and Zeke for the Mighty Meats!" Their logo was purple. A steak with drumsticks for legs curled its biceps; its arms were made of clams.

"Is it safe to assume the next challenge is a culinary one?" Ellody asked.

"Yeah, but I'm not gonna spoil everything," Blaineley replied. "These bags are for loot, since yesterday was Halloween and we don't have the means of reconfiguring the last couple challenges for a school. You must find these six items, one for each of the previous six episodes, hidden around the school:

"A figurine of the mascot of the winning team in Episode 13, the Pink Pythons.

"A pump for a bicycle tire.

"A printout of a meme that was not seen in Episode 15, the Ermagerd girl.

"A bridal garter.

"An ugly wig, Sadie's greatest fear until Episode 17 happened.

"And a packet of Twizzlers, Chris' favorite non-chocolate candy. Once you have one of these items you CANNOT take another to disadvantage the other teams. You can't help each other either; remember, I have a _lot_ of security cameras. Whichever team here gets the most within ten minutes wins the rest of their team back on the island an advantage in the next challenge. Now begin!"

* * *

 _Fab Fruits  
_

"So where should we go first?" Tammy asked.

"Well, logically the figurine of the snake's going to be in one of the art rooms, because I doubt Blaineley would spend the money on making plastic models of an obscure colubrid," Ellody explained. "We have the time advantage because Max can teleport us, so we'll likely win this."

"Indeed!" Max agreed. He pulled out the pad and teleported them into the ceramics room.

Ellody picked up one of six hand-sized, coiled noodles made of pink clay. "Like I said. Now let's find the pump!" They teleported out.

"...What just happened?" a silver-haired, purple-eyed boy named Craig, who'd been quietly working in the background, asked.

* * *

 _Mighty Meats, Delightful Dairy_

"Ayo! I got the gartah!" Anne Maria announced as she left the girl's bathroom, twirling the cloth on her finger.

"Good! Now let's move on before anyone sees!" Chet declared. His team left.

The Delightful Dairy poked their heads from behind their corner. Once their adversaries had left, they quickly removed themselves from hiding.

"Crap, we're on an all-guys team," Junior groaned.

"Could we dress like girls like they do in cartoons?" Rodney asked.

"No, that doesn't work in real life. Plus we'd offend the whole transgender community."

"You got that right!" a male-proportioned blonde girl with black eyes, Jessica, agreed as she exited the bathroom.

"Wait, Jessica, could you help us?" Rodney asked. He knew her because Jessica was one of the Geeks, and Cody had mentioned her during his explanation of the Code.

"Sorry dude, but I don't want to incur Blaineley's wrath. But I _can_ tell you that there's one way a guy can get into a girl's bathroom without complaint."

"By holding the job that knows no true boundaries: the janitor!" Spud realized. "And I still have the costume from that concert Rock and I performed in at the union HQ!" He ripped off his clothes, revealing a janitor's uniform underneath it, and bravely entered the girl's bathroom.

"...How long was he wearing that?" Junior asked while Rodney scratched his head in confusion.

"Honestly, knowing Spud, he's probably worn it for a few weeks by now," Jessica giggled.

* * *

 _Vile Vegetables_

"C'mon, you infernal machine! I command you to hasten it a little!" Leonard groaned. The licorice was found in a vending machine. A really old, crappy vending machine.

"Patience, Leonard," Jazz said. Then she gasped. "Hold on you guys, I'll be right back!"

"Do we have anything better to do?" Leonard asked.

"No, but she does. Look," Phil said. Leonard turned around. Mandy, a tough girl who was part of the Ice Dancers' clique, was viciously attacking Hillary, a much scrawnier Misfit. Jazz ran over, grabbed Mandy and shoved her aside. Mandy growled and the rest of the Ice Posse showed up; but then Hillary whistled and ALL of the Misfits came to her side. The Misfits outnumbered the Ice Posse seven to one, and the addition of the Crew, who came to support Jazz, made it eleven to one. With no possible chance of winning, the Ice Posse slunk away.

"Wow," Leonard said, mouth agape. The vending machine did something similar and finally dropped the Twizzlers.

"Sorry, but I couldn't stand seeing an innocent person being hurt like that," Jazz said, retrieving the Twizzlers. "Now let's go!"

* * *

The rest of the searches were uneventful. The pumps were found in the gym, the wigs in the counseling offices, and the memes in the library. Everyone returned to the theater.

"...and next thing you know, the olives are moldy!" Kelly was saying.

"You need something to do in your life, don't you?" Gerry asked.

"Of course! That's why I'm here!"

"And so are the kids!" Dwayne interrupted.

"Unfortunately," Blaineley growled, "everyone ended up finding everything. So the advantage, which would've been the option to switch out one of the meals with something else, doesn't go to anyone."

* * *

 **Confessional – Phil.**

"Well, now that I know what the advantage would've been, I can figure out the challenge. It's probably going to be forcing the others to eat disgusting food unfit for _bacteria_. And knowing Chris, the option to switch out would be with something far worse. So all things considered, I'm glad we tied."  


* * *

"Of course, for our most recent six, we still must do... **The Trial by Lustblossom!** " Once again, the same spray cannons emerged from the ceiling, and the female one did the deed.

"Eva, eh..." Zeke drooled.

"Kitty..." Junior sighed.

"Scarlett..." Max moaned.

"Only guys affected?" Jazz asked.

"Looks like it this time," Mary agreed. The male cannon sprayed the three and the boys returned to normal.

"I'm so gonna use that for blackmail!" Blaineley cackled evilly.

* * *

 **Confessional – Leshaniqua.**

"Annnd there's more proof that our principal is a terrible person!" she griped. "Seriously, I'm pretty sure that's illegal!"  


* * *

"But while the boys recover their dignity after revealing their crushes on international television [Zeke and Junior's pupils shrank when they realized this, while Max didn't budge], let's look at some of Total Drama's Funniest Moments!"

* * *

"We put the 'bang' back in 'bang-whiz'!"

 _Geoff rolled over a pseudo-mine and was blown into the air._

"Please keep all fetishes canon-compliant."

 _Immediately nauseated, Sierra and Topher opened the review tab on the story and threw up into it._

"Keep both eyes on the prize! _And_ on your obstacles."

 _Courtney rolled her eyes as Taylor and Heather tried to keep each other from crossing the tire walk (despite both being on the same team), not paying attention to where she was going. She ended up getting hit in the face with a wooden pillar that was somehow able to fit inside the tire's hole._

"An Amy scorned is a terrifying thing indeed."

 _Amy's head inflated five times its original size and her teeth audibly slashed out. MacArthur suddenly leaned her head back with a spooked expression as her neck stretched out like Mr. Fantastic's._

"Whatever you do, don't take Tyler to KFC."

 _Tyler ran around screaming while being chased by...five baby chicks._

"There's born to be wild, and then there's Cody."

 _It was then that Cody remembered that he, unlike DJ, was completely naked, his crotch pixellated for the camera. Embarrassed, he tried to cover himself up with his hands._

"No, it's a carrot."

 _ **Is this an immunity idol?** Leshawna's meme read as she pointed to a butterfly._

"Okay, it's official, October is Male Nudity Month."

 _Devin's underwear fell down, his pixellated manness exposed to the world.  
_

* * *

"And now, for our final part of the Aftermath, we will have you guys root for someone still in the game," Blaineley said to the most-recently eliminated contestants. "At the end of the show, we'll tally the votes, and whoever has the most supporters will receive a prize! As for the person who gets the most votes against them by the end of the show, they will get a punishment of my own creation, befitting of Total Drama's least popular contestant. Go to the confessionals and vote now."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Mickey.**

"I want my brother to go far in the game," Mickey said. "Jay, I'm counting on you to overcome adversity."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Jazz.  
**

"Leshawna, of course," Jazz smirked. "She's got the right idea, and I give her and Harold my blessing. Go far you two!"  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Max.**

"Scarlett's described as a prime mental threat," Max began, "and she's _my_ prime mental threat."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Mary.**

"Lorenzo, of course. May your motivational skills earn you many friends."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Junior.**

"Sure, Devin's in an alliance with Alejandro, but only because Al's concealed his true nature," Junior said. "Devin's a really nice guy who wants what's best for his friends. So I hope he gets closer to winning than his boss. Hope this makes up for not talking to the upperclassmen too much."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Zeke.**

"Noah's a good alliance leader, and I hope he wins. For all Misfits everywhere," Zeke said.  


* * *

"And that's the end of that," Blaineley said. "Tune in after Challenge 24 for the fourth Aftermath."

The bell rang.

"And that's the end of lunch. Now go back to class before I give you detention!"

* * *

 **Votes against:**

 **Owen – 3**

 **Dakota – 7 (Eliminated 7th by immunity idol)**

 **B – 1**

 **Noah – 8**

 **Cody – 0**

 **Ella – 3  
**

 **Izzy – 0**

 **Emma – 1  
**

 **Kitty – 0**

 **Junior – 12 (Eliminated 17th)  
**

 **Sierra – 2**

 **Topher – 0**

 **Beth – 1**

 **Brady – 0**

 **Justin – 0**

 **Katie – 0**

 **Sadie – 0**

 **Lorenzo – 0**

 **Mary – 8 (Eliminated 16th)  
**

 **Brick – 0**

 **Ennui – 5**

 **Crimson – 2  
**

 **Scott – 15**

 **Phil – 2 (Eliminated 8th by rigged votes)**

 **Heather – 24  
**

 **Lindsay – 0**

 **Taylor – 2  
**

 **Alejandro – 18**

 **Devin – 3**

 **Carrie – 0**

 **Ryan – 0**

 **Stephanie – 0**

 **Miles – 0**

 **Laurie – 0**

 **Anne Maria – 12 (Eliminated 12th)**

 **Lauren – 0**

 **Cameron – 0**

 **Mike – 0**

 **Eva – 2  
**

 **DJ – 0**

 **Sam – 0**

 **Scarlett – 0**

 **Max – 7 (Eliminated 15th)  
**

 **Rodney – 11 (Eliminated 11th by rigged tiebreaker)**

 **Zeke – 8 (Eliminated 18th by rigged tiebreaker)  
**

 **Sugar – 42  
**

 **Sanders – 0**

 **MacArthur – 0**

 **Zoey – 1**

 **Gwen – 4**

 **Leshawna – 0**

 **Jazz – 1 (Eliminated 14th by rigged votes)  
**

 **Trent – 0**

 **Harold – 1**

 **Ellody – 15 (Eliminated 9th)**

 **Chet – 11 (Eliminated 6th)**

 **Leonard – 13 (Eliminated 2nd)**

 **Tammy – 14 (Eliminated 3rd)**

 **Dawn – 0**

 **Leshaniqua – 5 (Eliminated 4th)**

 **Shawn – 0**

 **Lightning – 14  
**

 **Jo – 3  
**

 **Amy – 19  
**

 **Sammy – 1  
**

 **Jasmine – 0**

 **Sky – 2  
**

 **Mickey – 3 (Eliminated 13th)**

 **Jay – 0**

 **Tom – 0**

 **Jen – 0**

 **Dave – 0**

 **Geoff – 0**

 **Bridgette – 0**

 **Courtney – 5**

 **Duncan – 5  
**

 **Tyler – 0**

 **Rock – 7 (Eliminated 10th)**

 **Spud – 8 (Eliminated 5th)**

 **Staci – 6 (Eliminated 1st)**

 **Beardo – 0**

 **Jacques – 4  
**

 **Josee – 15  
**

 **Brody – 0**

 **Votes for Winner:**

 **Owen – None**

 **Dakota – N/A**

 **B – None**

 **Noah – Zeke (1)  
**

 **Cody – Rodney (1)**

 **Ella – Leonard, Tammy (2)**

 **Izzy – None**

 **Emma – None**

 **Kitty – None**

 **Junior – N/A**

 **Sierra – None**

 **Topher – None**

 **Beth – None**

 **Brady – None**

 **Justin – None**

 **Katie – None**

 **Sadie – Dakota (1)**

 **Lorenzo – Mary (1)  
**

 **Mary – Ellody (1)**

 **Brick – None**

 **Ennui – None**

 **Crimson – None**

 **Scott – None**

 **Phil – N/A**

 **Heather – None**

 **Lindsay – None**

 **Taylor – Anne Maria (1)**

 **Alejandro – None**

 **Devin – Junior (1)  
**

 **Carrie – None**

 **Ryan – None**

 **Stephanie – None**

 **Miles – None**

 **Laurie – None**

 **Anne Maria – N/A**

 **Lauren – None**

 **Cameron – None**

 **Mike – None**

 **Eva – None**

 **DJ – None**

 **Sam – None**

 **Scarlett – Max (1)  
**

 **Max – N/A**

 **Rodney – N/A**

 **Zeke – N/A**

 **Sugar – None**

 **Sanders – None**

 **MacArthur – None**

 **Zoey – None**

 **Gwen – None**

 **Leshawna – Leshaniqua, Jazz (2)**

 **Jazz – N/A**

 **Trent – None**

 **Harold – None**

 **Ellody – Chet (1)**

 **Chet – N/A**

 **Leonard – N/A**

 **Tammy – N/A**

 **Dawn – None**

 **Leshaniqua – N/A**

 **Shawn – None**

 **Lightning – None**

 **Jo – None**

 **Amy – None**

 **Sammy – None**

 **Jasmine – None**

 **Sky – None**

 **Mickey – N/A**

 **Jay – Mickey (1)**

 **Tom – None**

 **Jen – None**

 **Dave – None**

 **Geoff – None**

 **Bridgette – Staci (1)**

 **Courtney – None**

 **Duncan – None**

 **Tyler – Phil (1)**

 **Rock – Spud (1)**

 **Spud – N/A**

 **Staci – N/A**

 **Beardo – None**

 **Jacques – None**

 **Josee – None**

 **Brody – Rock (1)**

* * *

 **After the Aftermath:**

"Chris, did you see Max came across someone's code during the VR challenge?" Blaineley asked.

"I did. Don't know whose. Probably not one of ours though. Maybe it's Alejandro's, or Jacques or Josee's, or some politician neither of us have heard of," Chris said on the other side of the computer screen.

"Yeah, you're right. What could that schmuck find on us?"

* * *

Mickey and Jazz stood outside City Hall. "Now what?" Mickey asked.

"Glad you asked," Max announced, stepping out from behind a tree. "I called you here because under no circumstances are you to know where I live." He pulled out his teleportation console and transported the three to his home, which was old and worn.

"You live in a pretty rough neighborhood," Jazz said on noticing the desolation outside through a window.

"Yeah, that's my life. And I want to be FREE!"

"Won't your parents mind?" Mickey asked.

"They work long hours and are too tired to even _think_ when they come home, by which point we'll be done. Did you see me find the codes in the episode I was eliminated in?"

"Mm-hm," Jazz nodded. "Whose was it? You made it sound like it was Alejandro's."

"It was not," Max replied. "His code was a dull red and felt of snakeskin. I couldn't say whose it was, but I remembered the exact sequence of ones and zeroes and used it to confirm my suspicions. Under no circumstances are you to divulge this information to _anyone_ unless I say so."

He looked at them and ominously said something they hadn't been expecting to hear:

"I have some concerning information regarding Chris."


	27. 1-19: Brunch of Disgustingness

**Review time!**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! I'm not saying when or who's going to figure that out, or whether anyone's coming back :3 But I _can_ confirm three things: one, Zeke's staying normal; two, Chris only rigs the tiebreakers when the Misfits are involved; otherwise the tiebreakers proceed normally; and three, Chapter 25's challenge is ****actually** **completely original. Scarlett Fever IS going to be adapted in Season Four, but in this story she's not evil, just has a repressed angry side.  
**

 **StarHeart Specials: And I'm looking forward to writing it! The whole reason they conceived Total Drama was to prove that popular people (like them) would always triumph over unpopular people (like their writers, one of whom is the reason Chris' career tanked in the first place). However, their efforts are actually serving to blur the boundaries and neither of them are aware of it; the Misfits are beginning to stand up for themselves and other non-Misfit groups are starting to side with them.  
**

 **Lara2244: Thanks! Noah and Alejandro's rivalry will reach critical mass come Season Three. What that'll entail you'll need to wait and see.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! We'll get some more indications after Aftermath IV!**

* * *

 _Friday, November 3, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we had it in the bag! [Courtney carrying a LOT of bags] Yes, our contestants COULD handle Halloween. Some better than others. [Zeke getting thrown into the wall] Three teams that totally aren't a reference to crappy cereal went hunting for colored bags of candy hidden all over the island. [Devin taking the poorly-hidden blue bags] The Vicious Vampires lived up to their names [Josee's tantrum], The Magnificent Monsters really were [Owen obtaining the golden bag], and for a team named the Grouchy Ghosts they didn't have that much spirit. [Crimson badmouthing Halloween] The Monsters won, and the Vamps didn't. A tie between two people, unpopular in-team Josee and unpopular _period_ Zeke [the tiebreaker] resulted in Zeke going back to home, but not to homeschool. [Zeke's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Sixty-six contestants remain. Who's going to taste victory and who'll be eating my dust? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Grouchy Ghosts_

Kitty's empty stomach gurgled. "Emma, I'm hungry," she whined.

"You're not the only one," Emma agreed. "Seriously, shouldn't Chef have called us for breakfast by now? It's ten fifteen already!"

"Maybe the good cabin got food?" Brick asked optimistically.

"Owen, why are you eating the lustblossoms?!" they heard Scarlett shout from the good cabin.

"...Or not."

"Guys, don't you get it?" Noah said, closing his copy of _The Brothers Karamazov_. "This is probably an eating challenge. Chris wants us to be so hungry we're willing to eat literally anything."

"Why didn't I think of that?" Kitty asked herself. "That makes so much sense!"

* * *

"Indeed it does, Kitty!" Chris said. Everyone was in the Mess Hall.

"How does he know I said that?" Kitty asked.

"Um, hello? Infinite cameras? Duh," Heather scoffed.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Emma.**

"Of all the people to get immunity, it HAD to be Heather. If Gwen were smarter she would've voted for herself and used the idol then. That's what I'd do, at least."  


* * *

"Today, you guys are going to eat some foods that no man has ever eaten before. Not even the guys on Good Mythical Morning could think up this stuff," Chris explained. "And to make it even more of a challenge for you, Chef's deliberately bad cooking's not on the menu. No, it's MY cooking, and I have no idea _what_ I'm doing!"

"He's so used to getting food made by other people he never bothered learning how to do it himself," Chef confirmed.

"I'm going to break you into six teams of eleven each. The order in which I call you is the order in which who on your team will eat what course. Points are given if you can get it down without complaining. The team with the highest score at the end wins, and the team with the lowest eliminates someone!

"Now for teams. Brick, MacArthur, Sky, Dave, Courtney, Jasmine, Dawn, Jen, Beardo, Zoey, and Brady, you are the Godly Grains!

"Jo, Scott, Duncan, Crimson, Ennui, Shawn, Laurie, Stephanie, Amy, Sugar, and Josee, you are the Vile Vegetables!

"Eva, Jacques, Katie, Sadie, Tom, Justin, Miles, Leshawna, Cody, Lauren, and Trent, you are the Fab Fruits!

"Beth, Sam, Alejandro, Taylor, Heather, Lindsay, DJ, Owen, Topher, Sierra, and Geoff, you are the Outrageous Oils!

"Ella, Devin, Sanders, Mike, Jay, Carrie, Bridgette, Tyler, Lorenzo, Cameron, and Izzy, you are the Delightful Dairy!

"And everyone else, that's Kitty, Ryan, B, Emma, Lightning, Scarlett, Noah, Harold, Brody, Gwen, and Samey, you are the Mighty Meats! When it's time, please sit at this table up front in your assigned seats," Chris said, showing them the designated chairs, marked by their team's logo taped to the back, arranged around a small round table at the front. "Good luck!"

* * *

 **Godly Grains: Brick, MacArthur, Sky, Dave, Courtney, Jasmine, Dawn, Jen, Beardo, Zoey, and Brady.**

 **Vile Vegetables: Jo, Scott, Duncan, Crimson, Ennui, Shawn, Laurie, Stephanie, Amy, Sugar, and Josee.**

 **Fab Fruits: Eva, Jacques, Katie, Sadie, Tom, Justin, Miles, Leshawna, Cody, Lauren, and Trent.**

 **Outrageous Oils: Beth, Sam, Alejandro, Taylor, Heather, Lindsay, DJ, Owen, Topher, Sierra, and Geoff.**

 **Delightful Dairy: Ella, Devin, Sanders, Mike, Jay, Carrie, Bridgette, Tyler, Lorenzo, Cameron, and Izzy.  
**

 **Mighty Meats: Kitty, Ryan, B, Emma, Lightning, Scarlett, Noah, Harold, Brody, Gwen, and Sammy.**

* * *

 _First Course_

"We start off with something suitably tasty: stir-fry and a milkshake."

"Wait, wasn't it recently proven that milkshakes are really bad for your heart?" Beth asked.

"Good thing, then. The sooner I'm dead, the less time I have to spend with you lot," Jo grumbled.

"But this isn't your ordinary stir-fry. No, it's skunk!" Chris put the food in front of the first campers, who recoiled. Chris didn't know how to cook at all, so the meat had turned out soggy and quite rare. "Ingredients: striped skunk, field pennycress, and Chef's cooking oil. And it's not your ordinary milkshake, either; it's flavored with the concentrated spray of the skunks we killed for the stir-fry!" The milkshakes were a sickly yellow-green color and reeked of sulfur. "Begin!"

The skunk meat, while unappealing, ended up mostly being bland, but the pennycress was extremely bitter. The milkshake was even harder to down; Ella even choked on it, the taste was so foul.

Brick, however, quickly slurped it down faster than he could taste it. Jo saw this and, not to be outdone, guzzled it down in one go.

"And with that, the current score is 1-1-0-0-0-0! Brick, Jo, you guys are gonna have _serious_ brainfreeze after this."

* * *

 **Confessional – Jo.  
**

"Hate to break it to you, Chris, but you can't exactly get brainfreeze from a lukewarm drink."  


* * *

 _Second Course  
_

"Who's the best friend of what lives in a pineapple under the sea? Our next course: pickled starfish!" The food smelt of salt and mangoes. "Ingredients: raw common starfish, saltwater, and mango juice. Left them for two whole months and just took them out of their jars this morning." Everyone who wasn't eating that particular meal gagged. "For drinks, you have the brine they marinated in. Begin!"

"Deep breaths, Ryan," the Personal Trainer told himself. "It's just some extra protein..." He stabbed into an arm with his fork and bit down, its shell audibly crunching.

MacArthur and Scott, meanwhile, ate theirs no problem. "I've eaten worse on the farm," Scott shrugged. The salty drinks were harder to swallow, but both managed it, as did Ryan. The rest, not so much.

"The current score is 2-2-0-0-0-1! Teams in the middle, you _might_ wanna pick up the pace."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sam.  
**

"'Pick up the pace', he says. Even though what we're eating would probably kill us under different circumstances."  


* * *

 _Third Course_

"And while we're in the ocean, we may as well pick up one of its apex predators: the dolphin!" The eaters were presented with what looked like ordinary hot dogs. They looked much greasier, however.

"Chris, this is morally wrong. Whaling's illegal!" Sanders protested.

"Not if the whale's already dead."

"What?"

"The meat came from a beached Atlantic spotted dolphin we found in Maine," Chris explained. "All we did was grind the meat and put it into a casing like you did in the eighth challenge."

"Yeah, getting that thing was _not_ fun," Carly the intern grumbled. "We had to make do with that after the first choice for the hot dogs, a humpback whale, didn't work out. Did you know that when they get rotten enough, whale corpses _explode_?"

"You're not helping," Chris deadpanned as the eaters looked even queasier save for one of them.

"Oh, come on! It's a hot dog! The normal ones are _already_ made with the worst parts of the cow," Duncan snapped. He tore off the end of his and chewed. "See? Nothing to it! And the bun's just a normal store-bought bun!"

Because of Duncan's surprisingly inspirational speech, everyone was able to eat the sausage sandwiches. "And thanks to Dunc, we've moved up to 3-3-1-1-1-2!" Chris announced.

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.  
**

"Hey, my team's still ahead, we can spare a few points. Oh, and Lorenzo, you've got a little competition from yours truly."  


* * *

 _Fourth Course_

"Back on the land, we've got a food that's both good for you _and_ doubles as a drink. Kitty, remember your cockroach bath?"

"I really don't want to," Kitty whimpered.

"Wait. You didn't," Emma said.

"I did." Chris set down a shotglass filled with a lumpy brown puree on Emma's plate. "Ingredients: water, Uhler's wood cockroaches. I had no further use for them, and they were going to die from the cold anyway, so I might as well recycle! Here's the good news: you get this in shotglass form. The bad news? You gotta drink ten of 'em to get your point. After all, we had enough cockroaches to fill up a _bathtub_." Chris set down the other nine glasses on Emma's and proceeded to fill the rest.

"I sure hope these were cooked beforehand," Emma grunted before proceeding to down her shots rapid-fire.

"Of course they were! They were boiled for safety."

"But you didn't bother _seasoning_ them," Taylor growled after spitting out her first.

Mike got through it by switching into Manitoba to access his survivalist's stomach. Dave wished he had one too because he couldn't even look at the shots without gagging.

"Hey, it's alright if you can't do it. There's nothing wrong with showing weakness," Sky said.

"Thanks," Dave sighed. "I needed someone to tell me that."

"I disagree," Chris replied. "Anywho, the scores are now 3-4-1-1-2-3!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Sadie.  
**

"Anyone else getting the social Darwinist vibes from Chris, or is it just me?"  


* * *

 _Fifth Course_

"Remember Dr. Seuss? He wrote a book called 'Green Eggs and Ham'. Ever wonder where those eggs came from?" Chris set small rotisserie chickens in front of the fifth rotation's eaters. The chickens were green. "Look no further!"

"These some of yours?" Lightning asked Scarlett, who would be taking his place the next rotation, from where he was sitting.

"Negative. If you are concerned about getting ADHD, I can assure you there is no scientific link between synthetic food dyes and hyperactivity disorders," Scarlett replied. "The worst you'll get is a stomachache or an allergic reaction if you're susceptible."

"Which won't happen, because these were dyed with algae!" Chris spoke up. "And stuffed with it, too." The eaters looked inside and grimaced on seeing the body cavities of the birds were filled with greenish-brown slime. "Eat up, you need to eat the whole chicken to get the point. Lucky for you they weren't fully-grown when I killed them. Begin!"

It took a while, as chickens, even if they're fairly young, are still massive birds. And the gooey texture of the algae made them hard to down, but not for everyone. In fact, only Heather was unable to finish the meal.

"Lightning's done great!" Chris announced, as Lightning finished his chicken first.

"Sha-thanks, dude!"

"And the scores are up to 4-5-2-1-3-4!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.  
**

"I'm glad I have immunity, because otherwise I'd be gone because of that stupid chicken filled with plant wannabes."  


* * *

 _Sixth Course_

"I call this next one Juggy Chunks," Chris said, setting glasses full of white sludge in front of the eaters. "It's easy to see why. Ingredients: eggs, mayonnaise made from the eggs I didn't use straight, and pork chops. Begin!"

"There's hardly any water," Lindsay grimaced after she took a sip.

"I'd expect so, most of this is nonpolar fat," Scarlett replied, taking another.

"Scarlboro, how are you drinking that so well?"

"I'm from England. British food is _much_ worse than this, trust me." Together, they were the only ones able to drink all of the chunks.

"The scores are now 4-5-2-2-3-5!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Justin.  
**

"Guh..." he groaned. "I think I might need my stomach pumped after this." He threw up into the toilet.  


* * *

"Poor Justin. I hate to see beauty tarnished that way," Chris said. "Who's eating what next? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "We're just over halfway through and are ready to start our seventh course in the Brunch of Disgustingness!"

* * *

 _Seventh Course_

"Wait a minute, all of us are vegetarians!" Bridgette realized. "Or vegan. Well, except for Noah."

"Don't worry Bridgette, all of these servings are completely, totally animal product-free," Chris said as he gave out paper cups filled with a thick red liquid.

"Sauce? Hah! This is easy!" Laurie said confidently. Noah, meanwhile, took the time to smell it and immediately knew what it was.

"To win this round, you have to chug this sauce," Chris explained. Dawn, Laurie, Miles, DJ, and Bridgette downed it all in one gulp. Then they started screaming in agony as their faces turned red and they sweated profusely. "Which just so happens to be hot sauce made from the Carolina Reaper, AKA _the_ world's hottest pepper as of this year with a heat index of 2.2 MILLION Scoville units. Put simply, this stuff could knock out an _elephant_!" But it couldn't knock out Noah, who swallowed it all and didn't even flinch. "And the current score is 4-5-2-2-3-6," Chris said, astounded.

"Whoa. Do you have superpowers or something?" Kitty asked.

"Trade secret," Noah replied.

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"Which basically means my parents fit the stereotype of Indians liking spicy food, and I've consequently eaten so much twenty-eight-alarm curry that I've built up an _insane_ tolerance of the stuff."  


* * *

 _Eighth Course_

"There once was a poem about jellyfish stew," Chris began, "but I don't know how to make stew, so I made a pizza instead." The mini-pizzas were covered in jellyfish, anchovies, and grasshoppers. The drink this time was an ordinary orange soda. "Begin!"

"I own this day!" Owen declared proudly, before shoving the entire thing into his mouth, chewing it a little, and then swallowing it whole like a snake.

"Dude, aren't you going to savor it?" Geoff asked.

"He's a super-taster, he can't do anything _but_ ," Noah replied.

"Well, it's a good thing Owen's only allowed to eat one thing, because he'd give his team an unfair advantage otherwise," Chris noted. "Still, the scores have changed again and are now 4-6-3-3-3-7!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"In hindsight I'm glad I overcame my fear of jellyfish two challenges ago. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to help my team win. And I don't want Heather voting for me," he added, a little frightened.  


* * *

 _Ninth Course_

"Mystery meat is a common staple of the highschooler's diet, and since _you're_ highschoolers, you're getting some too!" Chris said. In front of the eaters was what looked like an ordinary square of meatloaf, with water to drink. "Until you all eat this I'm not disclosing what's in it. Then whoever pukes it up afterwards doesn't get the point. Begin!"

"It's actually not that bad," Brody admitted.

"Doesn't mean I'm gonna like it," Amy grumbled. "It's probably rat or maggot or something icky."

"Not quite. Everyone good?" The six teens showed him their empty plates. "It's tree octopus! Specifically the one that ate one of my interns."

"WHAT?!" Dakota shrieked from the side.

"Yeah, why do you think you've got a job here?" Chris asked rhetorically. "Well, no one puked, so the scores are now 5-7-4-4-4-8!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"So not only have we basically committed cannibalism, we've also ingested nuclear waste and therefore just lost five years off the ends of our lives! Maybe DJ's right. _Is_ Chris trying to kill us?"  


* * *

 _Tenth Course_

"Go nuts on these, guys!" This meal looked like ordinary nuts, save for the mysterious gray liquid they were sitting in. The drink was the same gray liquid. "Ingredients: boiled hazelnuts, oyster sauce. Just like Prairie Oyster Palace used to make before they were closed down for healthcode violations. Begin!"

"Agh, it's so _bitter_!" Sugar winced after eating one of the nuts.

"And you've just cost your team a point!" Chris announced. "Remember, even a _little_ complaint counts as a penalty." Eventually, everyone else finished. "The scores are now 6-7-5-5-5-9! One more meal and we'll see who wins!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.**

"Wow, Chris is really harsh! I'd better stay off his bad side."  


* * *

 _Eleventh Course_

"And for today's final meal unless we have a tie, baked potatoes gone wild!" The potatoes looked old and wrinkled, and significant pieces were missing. "These guys were so old they were _sprouting_ when I found them! Originally I was gonna leave them in, but then I found out that potatoes are related to nightshade, meaning that if you ate the sprouts you'd die. To drown this dish is a cup of pure, unadulterated cooking grease from Chef's grease traps. Begin!"

"Ew..." Geoff groaned after drinking the grease. He wasn't able to drink any of it.

"Poor Geoff. Well, it's his fault he mentioned drinking the stuff," Chris remarked. Once everyone was done, he announced, "Well, the scores are now 6-8-6-5-5-10! The Mighty Meats win! But wait, is that a tie? Looks like the Outrageous Oils and the Delightful Dairy are stuck in a tiebreaker to see who loses!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Trent.**

"Phil warned me about this challenge, so I think this next thing might be the worst of all."  


* * *

 _Twelfth Course  
_

Chris left the Mess Hall. A short while later he came back wearing a gas mask and carrying two plates of light yellow slop.

"Are those scrambled eggs?" Sugar asked. Then the smell hit her and knocked her out. Chris laughed at her assumption.

"I don't think eggs are supposed to smell like that," Tom said, making a face.

"They aren't, but this is! Originally one of the teams was going to be given the option to switch one of their meals, and _this_ bad boy was what they were gonna get. Beth, Ella, since you were the first of your teams to eat, you'll be the ones in the tiebreaker." They stepped forward. "To win, you must eat _Le Stink Bomb a la Chris_! Ingredients: Limburger cheese, durian flesh, stinkbugs, lutefisk, natto, cabbage, iru, sustromming, Marmite, a century egg from a duck, liverwurst, and Vieux Boulogne cheese (the world's stinkiest!). To win, you must eat all of this, or until one of you girls blows chunks. Begin!"

Ella and Beth gulped. But they bravely fought their urges and started eating. Their eyes began tearing up, but they pressed on. Eventually, though, Beth couldn't handle the smell anymore and threw up.

"Okay, the tiebreaker's over!" Chris said. "Beth puked, so her team loses by default. Ella, you didn't, so you're safe!"

"Thank you," Ella groaned.

"What?" Sugar asked, immediately perking up. "Why does Ella get to be safe?" Then the smell hit her again, and she passed out once more.

" _Finally_ , she shuts up," Duncan muttered.

"Meet me at the campfire at eight, Outrageous Oils, someone won't be ordering from here ever again!"

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Why do all of you have to suck so much?" Amy asked.

"You didn't want to eat _your_ food either," Noah pointed out.

"Do you get off to seeing me cringe?"

"No, but I do derive enjoyment from it. Please, continue." Amy sighed and tramped off. But as she did, something fell out of her shirt. Noah picked up Sammy's immunity idol. "That's what you get for not wearing pants with pockets in them," he said quietly before leaving to go bury it.

* * *

 _Some time later  
_

"You okay?" Cody asked. He'd decided to get ahead on his schoolwork when he found Sammy miserably staring at her history textbook.

"Not really. It's Amy. She has my idol."

"Ooh, rough."

Sammy sighed. "I don't get it. When Amy and I were little we were close as could be! But now she's out for my blood, and frankly I'm terrified."

"Maybe you should talk to Dawn. She's not really psychic, but she can easily figure out what's going on with people."

"I don't know...Heather won't let me hear the end of it if she learns I talked to the Misfits. I don't get why we have to not get along with them."

"You don't." Both of them looked up to see Emma enter the room. "Heather's in control of Heather only. Not you. And if you find we make better friends than she ever did, what's stopping you?"

"Fear, mostly," Sammy gulped.

"Well, you don't have to fear any longer. It seems Amy's misplaced her idol."

Sammy's jaw dropped. "R-really? How do you know?"

"SAMEY!" Amy shrieked.

" _That's_ how."

"Did you steal the idol from me?!" Amy growled as she entered the room.

"No," Sammy whimpered.

"Are you lying to me?"

"She's not! You probably just dropped it in the woods or something. Leave your sister alone!" Cody snarled. Amy's eyes bugged out at the sight of a Geek talking back to her and she quickly ran away.

"...Cody?" Sammy asked meekly.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"And thank Noah too, he's the one who found it and hid it with his others. Don't worry, Noah won't play any of them; he's just protecting his friends. I know this because he trusts me to keep my mouth shut, which is more than I can say for the people he's protecting."  


* * *

 _Some time later  
_

The contestants were amazed to find that instead of the normal white gruel and slop of various other colors, Chef had prepared them normal cafeteria food.

"Well, uh, um, thank you," DJ stuttered. "But why?"

Chef grumbled. "I deliberately hold back on my true talents so I can build character and teach you how to survive; it's something I learned back in the army. But after what Chris did today, I figured you maggots needed a break for once."

"Yeah, we did. Keep up the good work, Mr. Hatchet."

The wizened old man smiled. "Thanks, DJ."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"Beth got away from me back in the last VR challenge," Sierra explained. "I'm still a little mad about that." She wrote BETH on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Lindsay.**

"Beth's been like, my tutor ever since she came to school," Lindsay said. "Although she's not really like me, we're like besties. But Sierra's not my bestie, and she never will be because she's like, too obsus...obsessed with Cody." She wrote SIERRA on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.**

"Alejandro nearly broke me and Bridgey-Bear up!" Geoff said angrily. "Back in tenth grade, when he first came, and before he and Heather hooked up, he tried to seduce Bridgette! And the worst part? He KNEW I was dating her! I wish more people saw how much of a slimeball he really is!" He furiously wrote ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sam.  
**

"The deal Noah and Cody made back during the mine challenge is still on, and they both want Taylor out _now_." Sam wrote TAYLOR on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Eleven marshmallows sat on the plate, four of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so I can savor the meaty taste of the drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Sam, Heather, Lindsay, DJ, Owen, Topher, and Geoff."

Next, Chris pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Sierra and Alejandro, you've got some haters." After the blue marshmallows were taken, Chris spoke again. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. However, that's not the case today." Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're outta here. Beth. Taylor."

Taylor grinned at Beth evilly.

"Beth, you can be surprisingly hard to beat, so people want you out before your strength increases further. Taylor, people just want a break from your attitude. And the votes reveal...

...

...

...

...

"That Beth's tenure on this show is done!"

Beth sighed. "If you say so, Chris..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Brady.**

"Oh no! Beth!" Brady moaned. "I wasn't ready...well, at least now I won't need to go against Alejandro, who doesn't seem to like the Misfits for some reason. It's not like he'd _vote_ for Beth, though."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

Alejandro laughed. "Ah, Brady, you are so _gullible_ it's funny! Not only have I taken out one of the Misfits, I've ensured Brady won't have any more lingering desires to help them. Now he is only going to help _me_."  


* * *

"How's Alejandro going to cover it up? Fantastically, of course! He's unstoppable!" Chris stood in front of the cabins where some of the campers were hanging out. "Nineteen down. Sixty-five remain. Who'll dine on the breakfast of champions and who will know what defeat smells like? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Wait, isn't the breakfast of champions raw eggs?" Sky asked. "Because I can tell you that's _not_ what I normally eat."

"It is for Lightning," Lightning said casually.

"Ewwww!" Sky grimaced.

"Sick," Chris smiled.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Beth – Taylor  
**

 ** **Sam – Taylor  
****

 ** ** **Alejandro – Beth  
******

 ** ** ** **Taylor – Beth  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Heather – Beth  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Lindsay – Sierra  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **DJ – Didn't vote  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Owen – Taylor  
****************

 **Topher – Beth  
**

 **Sierra – Beth  
**

 **Geoff – Alejandro  
**

 **Results: 5-3-1-1 Beth-Taylor-Sierra-Alejandro  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Heather (3)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

Chef grumbled as he mopped the Mess Hall's floor. "First I'm stuck in the army fo' twenty years, then I'm an accountant for a guy who's career's droppin' like a rock, and now I'm on this wreck of an island! How'd I end up here?"

"Trust me, that's a question we've _all_ been asking," Sylvester, now in his normal clothes, agreed as he scraped some gum from beneath the tables. "I'm just glad the next one's VR. _That_ would be less hassle to clean up."

"Agreed," Phil said as he washed the dishes. The three of them continued to work into the night in silence.


	28. 1-20: Insane in the Membranes

**Review time!**

 **Joel Connell: Yep! With winter coming many of Chris' more outlandish challenges will have to wait until the weather warms up. Unfortunately I didn't get your review until July 31st after Chapter 27 was put up (the site's messed up again and is lagging on guest reviews). I do hope you liked Chapter 27, and if it does feel like a copout, don't worry, it's going to build up into something _much_ bigger! The Prescott twins do have a lot of potential, so despite how many votes Amy gets each time she's on the losing team (a gag I intend to continue until her eventual elimination) they're staying for a while! I've never read that fanfic, but I'm definitely going to check it out! And yes, I agree, Zeke needed some better treatment for once, so he kept his dignity (for now) _and_ his humanity (forever).**

 **Lara2244: Poor them indeed. Alejandro shouldn't have voted for Beth, because that's going to bite him in the perfectly-sculpted rear really soon...**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! Some of the meals cooked in the original were too disgusting even for this fic, so I pilfered some others from later episodes (can you name all the references?). The hot sauce and the tiebreaker food are my own creations.**

* * *

 _Monday, November 6, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – I served up a bowl full of fun! [Third Rotation grimacing at the dolphin hot dogs] No good reality show lacks an eating competition, but Chef alone didn't make the cut, pun unintended. [Chef complaining in the bonus clip] I made eleven unique meals with ingredients from all over the animal [Ryan eating the starfish] and plant [Most of Seventh Rotation suffering from the hot sauce] kingdoms! [The algae chickens] And wherever it is that algae are currently classified. The Mighty Meats [Brody admitting to liking the tree octopus meatloaf] won, but we ended up in a tie between the Delightful Dairy [Ella choking on the skunk stink shake] and the Outrageous Oils [Taylor spitting out her cockroach shot]. So we brought out the scrapped advantage! [Le Stink Bomb a la Chris causing Sugar to pass out...twice] In the end, Beth failed to feast, so her team threw her out like yesterday's oatmeal. [Beth's elimination] Oh, and Amy lost her immunity idol. [Cody chewing out Amy] But that's not important right now. However, something _else_ is."

Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our twentieth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.

A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a Hispanic woman's skin. Chris, who'd been turned into a teal _Naegleria fowleri_ with black flagella, came onscreen. "Germaphobes beware, we're going on a fantastic voyage today. Sixty-five contestants remain. Who's going to come down with victory fever and who'll be circulated away? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from a pulmonary valve, scaring off a heartworm. Another came from a pore, startling a follicle mite. The third popped out in front of a black-irised eye, which widened in fear and shot tears at the camera, shorting it.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

Surfer Dudes United did what they did best, and surfed down the bloodstream using red blood cells as boards.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

Owen waded around in the stomach, his mouth open expectantly. The food the stomach's owner began cascading down, but since Owen was so much smaller he was quickly swamped with it.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. However, the raft was in a bladder, which promptly emptied itself, the flow of urine taking them with it. A surprisingly humanoid white blood cell and a surprisingly humanoid antihistamine scratched their heads in confusion when they witnessed this.

 _*Instrumental*_

In the lungs, Courtney picked up a small bubble and drank it. The bubble turned out to be made of vitamin B2, as it caused Courtney to suddenly become buff.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Brick, Scott, Jo, and Lightning tried to outdo each other as they climbed a hair. It didn't end well for Lightning because he got dragged back down by a louse.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Duncan and Alejandro taped Jay to a bone using platelets. As soon as they left, though, Noah and Emma appeared and peeled the cell fragments off, freeing him.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Dave was walking along when he saw a smooth yellow-orange organ in front of him. Immediately recognizing what it was, he blushed and hung a "NSFW" sign on it.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Mike and Zoey screamed as they ran down a nerve, trying to beat the electric impulses before they zapped them.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Standing on an unidentified muscle, Tyler made various moves. However, while he was doing one the muscle shifted, and Tyler landed in a painful split.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Jen poked a needle at a pimple. It erupted, letting swarms of multicolored bacteria slither out and covering her in pus.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Cody and Sammy looked each other in the eyes...and then everyone got eaten by neutrophils that believed they were germs.

* * *

 _Fab Fruits_

Trent shivered in his cabin. "Brrr. I can't believe it's getting this cold already!"

"Me either," Cody agreed. "I'm just glad it's not _snowing_!"

"Would it seriously kill Chris to get some better heating?" Eva grumbled.

"I don't know. Why don't you come to today's challenge and find out?" Chris asked.

"...How did you get here?"

"I walked, duh!"

"We're coming, just let us get our coats," Trent sighed.

* * *

 _Some time later_

"I hope you've got strong stomachs and a good understanding of science for this one. Everyone check for your teams!"

Cody, Sam, Harold, Leshawna, Crimson, Ennui, Jasmine, Shawn, Sammy, Ella, Sky, Courtney, Jay, Scarlett, Bridgette, and Jacques' paper circles had a gray star-shaped object with a long tail.

Dave, Owen, Noah, Sierra, Emma, Stephanie, MacArthur, Brick, B, Izzy, Tyler, Lorenzo, Katie, Sadie, Jen, and Kitty's had a white blob.

Trent, Amy, Zoey, Mike, Gwen, Justin, Josee, Taylor, Geoff, Sugar, Lightning, Eva, Jo, Beardo, Duncan, and Lauren's had an indigo icosahedron with small projections.

DJ, Dawn, Brody, Devin, Ryan, Brady, Heather, Alejandro, Carrie, Topher, Scott, Tom, Sanders, Cameron, Miles, and Laurie's had a green oval covered in hairlike filaments.

And Lindsay's had a purplish-pink likeness of her face.

"Today we're going inside Lindsay!" Chris announced. "The premise? Lindsay is a happy girl who thinks nothing could go wrong with her body. Or could it? If you got an indigo circle, you are the Viruses, and your job is to kill her and clone yourselves ad infinitum!"

Everyone who wasn't actually evil looked uneasy at this.

"But Lindsay's body can fight back on many fronts! If you got a gray circle, you are the Brain Cells, and your job is to rally the other teams! If you got a white circle, you are Immunity, and your job is to fend off the invading viruses. If you got a green circle, you are the Probiotics, various gut bacteria who can make yummy substances to bolster the human cells' defenses.

"This is a last-man-standing competition. If Lindsay dies, she's automatically out." Lindsay's pupils shrank as many of the others gasped. "Whichever of the other teams to be completely kicked out of the game first is the one who eliminates someone. Again, assuming Lindsay survives. Good luck!"

An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a visceral, slimy dark pink environment appeared on the canvas screen...

* * *

 _Corporeal_

"So is everyone inside me?" Lindsay asked. Only she was still a complete human. "Wow, this is a weird challenge! I hope I don't lose..."

* * *

 _Brain Cells  
_

"This is awesome!" Cody exclaimed. He was a small neuron whose membrane was the same light yellow as his shirt. "Wait a minute," he said, realizing his voice wasn't the right tone and his eyes had visible lashes. "Am I...a _girl_?"

"I think so," Sammy answered. She was a much larger red neuron whose axon extended far beyond their field of vision. "Lindsay's a girl, so that means all of her cells, including us, are genetically female."

"Right, duh, how could I have forgotten?" Cody chuckled. "Hm, you seem to be a motor neuron of some sort, so we're probably in the spinal cord right now. Can you talk to the others?"

"Yep! I can tune in to their electrical impulses and Leshawna's sending one right now." Through them, they could see and hear all the other neurons.

Leshawna had been turned into a beige neuron whose shape was quite common in the brain. "Alright, we gotta figure out what we're doin'."

"I think we have the best chance of lasting the longest," Harold said. He (the guys still identified as males, so I'm continuing to call them such) was blue and was connected to the first segment of Leshawna's axon. "Neurons live basically as long as the person does, while most white blood cells die in less than a week."

"But there's still a good chance we're going to go up against a neuron-targeting virus," Scarlett, who was a light green cell making up the myelin sheath of an NPC brain cell, pointed out. "We need to wait for Immunity to identify the viruses we're going up against and raise the alarm."

"I'm technically a white blood cell too, so I can interface with them," Courtney, a gray blob with many projections and fringes, put in. "Once we do we'll figure out how to attack."

* * *

 _Viruses_

"What kind of virus _am_ I?" Zoey asked. Her head was an elongated red icosahedron; coming out of the bottom was a dark green tube with six legs at the end, resting on the cells of Lindsay's tongue.

"I think you're a phage," Gwen said. She was a much smaller dark green virus roughly the shape of her head in the real world. "You can only infect bacteria, and only _E. coli_ at that. Me, I'm pretty sure I'm mumps, so Lindsay probably already got her shots against me. Not like I _won't_ try to help, but it probably won't work all that well."

"Alright chumps, listen up!" Jo barked. She was a gray spheroid with numerous mushroom-shaped projections covering her capsid. "If there's anyone who can identify us, please do! The sooner we kill the bimbo, the better."

"I studied viruses for a project once," Lauren, a small blue sphere surrounded by a red bubble, said timidly. "And I think Amy and Josee should go out first."

"Why us?" Amy grumbled. She was blood red and shaped like a bullet.

"And WHY with HER?!" Josee growled. She was small, icosahedral, and bubblegum pink.

"It's because of the nature of your diseases," Lauren replied. "Amy's a rabies virus, and Josee's a type of enterovirus, specifically #71. Both of them specifically target brain cells."

"Oh, that's brilliant!" Josee said, suddenly happy. "We can _easily_ wipe them out! I normally don't like going outside my boundaries, but Amy, care to help me win this?"

"Of course! Samey's on that team! And boy, throwing her out this early would teach her her place! I may have lost my idol, but I'm not losing the fight in me!"

"Excellent," Josee grinned maliciously.

Suddenly, a massive white tongue licked the backs of all of the viruses. The owner quickly retreated faster than they could react to it.

"...Okay, what the heck was THAT?!" Justin, a small gray icosahedral virus, exclaimed.

"Hey! It took away my thingies!" Jo cried on noticing some of her projections were missing.

* * *

 _Immunity_

The reason why was obvious. Those "thingies" were antigens, the proteins all cells use to identify themselves. Owen, being a dendritic cell, had sampled them and brought them back to his team. He sucked in a gulp of plasma and pushed, projecting the antigens on his back.

Brick was a dark green lymphocyte and coughed up a large pile of antibodies after touching Owen's back. Lorenzo, a purple lymphocyte of the other camp, began sticking the antibodies onto the antigens to identify their owners and their risk level. "Rhinovirus. Low threat. Yellow fever virus. High threat. H3N2 flu virus. Moderate threat. Ebola virus. High threat. Rabies virus. High threat. Bacteriophage. Low threat (for us). SARS virus. High threat. Rotavirus. Moderate threat. Polio virus. High threat. Measles virus. Low threat."

"How is measles a low threat?" Emma, a red-orange cell with orange bubbles and a three-segmented black nucleus, asked.

"Lindsay already got her vaccines for it."

"Ah."

Lorenzo continued analyzing the antibodies. "Hepatitis A. Low threat. Mumps virus. Low threat. Chickenpox virus. Low threat. Norovirus. Moderate threat. Rubella virus. Low threat. I don't recognize this last one..."

Kitty, a red cell covered in black tendrils, picked up the last antigen, one of Josee's. "It's from an Enterovirus 71. High threat. It's the cause of foot, hand, and mouth disease. But it can also target brain cells, so someone should go tell them."

"I can do that. I'm not really good for much but traveling anyway," Jen said. Unlike the NPC red blood cells, she was periwinkle so her team could tell her apart from them.

"And I'll hitch a ride so you don't inadvertently cause an aneurysm," a tiny dark red platelet said in Noah's voice. As platelets lacked DNA he was the only one to remain fully male.

"Okay everyone! Brick, start pumping out antibodies. B, keep track of them. Granulocytes and macrophages, get ready to eat. Killing cells, follow Jen and Noah to the brain in case one of them gets infected," Dave, a sky blue mast cell, ordered.

"You're really motivated today," Stephanie, a rosy pink cell filled with small bubbles and a purple peacock-shaped nucleus, said. "Even more than me, and that's really saying something!"

"Of course I am! When else am I going have the chance to kill germs at the cellular level?!"

* * *

 _Probiotics_

"I doubt many of us are actually considered probiotic," Heather glowered. She'd been turned into a pill-shaped bacterium the same dull red as her shirt.

"Yeah, you're crap. Literally, your particular species is found in fecal matter," Miles, a light yellow oval-shaped bacterium, commented. Heather fumed when she heard this.

"So what's our job?" Carrie asked. She was teal and shaped like a cartoon bone.

"Eating nonstop so the cells can eat our poop, essentially," Cameron, here a red rod-shaped bacterium, explained. "We can produce substances this body cannot. We're its symbiotes."

"Well, let's hope Lindsay eats something good," Alejandro, a cherry red shoe-shaped cell with a brown circle embedded in his lower half, finished. Everyone went their separate ways.

"DJ? May I speak with you?" a small green sphere asked in Dawn's voice.

Her boyfriend, a much larger olive green Y-shaped cell from the same genus as Carrie, looked down. "Sure. What's bothering you?"

"I know and respect your desire to not vote for your friends, but...not everything is as it seems."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm talking about Alejandro. He may act affable to most people, but I can see the white in his aura. And for me, white represents deceit, for it can blend with other colors to mask their true identities. DJ, think about it: there has to be some symbolism with Alejandro's species. Did you recognize it?"

"No, not really. What is he?"

"He's _Clostridium difficile_. An opportunistic pathogen that waits for antibiotics to clear out its competitors so it can take over the entire large intestine."

DJ's eyes widened in realization, before he came up with something. "Look, I won't actually vote, but I can be a messenger between you guys. That alright?"

"It's suitable," Dawn replied. "Just like you." She floated up so she was at eye level with him and affectionately nuzzled his face. Their world suddenly gurgled. "I think Lindsay may have recently eaten. Come, we need to build up enough resources to divide. It's our team's best chance at surviving."

DJ happily followed her.

* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.  
**

"Man, I love that girl," DJ grinned. The confessionals were held on top of a red blood cell. "I'm so glad we met."  


"Would you mind getting off me? I have kidneys I need to be at!" the red blood cell angrily complained.

"Oops! My bad, miss." He got up and the cell lazily drifted away.

* * *

 _Corporeal_

Lindsay finished her hot dog. "Ah, that was yummy! But it's kinda weird I'm the only person here..."

* * *

 **Brain Cells: Cody** **(Renshaw cell)** **, Sam (olfactory receptor neuron), Harold (chandelier cell), Leshawna (Rsad pyramidal grid cell), Crimson (satellite cell), Ennui** **(Purkinje cell)** **, Jasmine (bipolar cell of the retina), Shawn (basket cell), Sammy (alpha motor neuron), Ella (Hair cell), Sky (Betz cell), Courtney (microglial cell)** **, Jay** **(oligodendrocyte)** **, Scarlett (Schwann cell), Bridgette (tanycyte), and Jacques (Gomori-positive astrocyte).**

 **Immunity: Dave (mast cell), Owen (dendritic cell), Noah (thrombocyte), Sierra (eosinophil), Emma (neutrophil), Stephanie (basophil), MacArthur (M1 macrophage), Brick (plasma cell), B (regulatory B lymphocyte), Izzy (natural killer cell), Tyler (osteoclast), Lorenzo (helper T lymphocyte), Katie (regulatory T lymphocyte), Sadie (M2 macrophage), Jen (erythrocyte), and Kitty (cytotoxic T lymphocyte).**

 **Viruses: Trent (Rhinovirus B), Amy (Rabies virus), Zoey (Enterobacteria phage T4), Mike (H3N2 influenza A virus), Gwen (mumps virus), Justin (poliovirus), Josee (Enterovirus 71), Taylor (yellow fever virus), Geoff (hepatitis A virus), Sugar (Norwalk virus), Lightning (Rubella virus), Eva (measles virus), Jo (SARS coronavirus), Beardo (Zaire ebola virus), Duncan (Rotavirus D), and Lauren (Varicella-Zoster virus).**

 **Probiotics: DJ ( _Bifidobacterium longum_ ), Dawn ( _Streptococcus thermophilus_ ), Brody ( _Bacteroides fragilis_ ), Devin ****( _Lactobacillus salivarius_ )** **, Ryan ( _Lactobacillus bulgaricus_ ), Brady ( _Lactobacillus brevis_ ), Heather ( _Enterococcus faecium_ ), Alejandro ( _Clostridium difficile_ ), Carrie ( _Bifidobacterium infantis_ ), Topher ( _Lactobacillus acidophilus_ ), Scott ( _Escherichia coli_ ), Tom ( _Methanobrevibacter smithii_ ), Sanders ( _Bacillus laterosporus_ ), Cameron ( _Lactobacillus plantarum_ ), Miles ( _Pediococcus acidilactici_ ), and Laurie ( _Bacillus coagulans_ ).**

 **Corporeal: Lindsay**

 **Hosts: Chris ( _Naegleria fowleri_ ), Chef ( _Giardia lamblia_ )**

* * *

"Weird indeed!" Chris agreed. He and Chef, who was a white showerhead-shaped protozoan with eight dark gray flagella, were swimming in a cup of water. "When's Lindsay going to kick it? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "After a few wrong turns, Josee and Amy have finally made it to the brain!"

"Uh, mister, who are you talking to?" a cyanobacterium also in the water asked.

"What's that over there?" The bacterium turned long enough for Chris to eat it (bacteria are inherently sexless) alive.

* * *

 _Viruses_

Amy and Josee squeezed out through the edges of a blood vessel into the brain itself. "Alright, which one of you losers is first?" Amy asked, viciously grinning. The NPC neurons gulped nervously.

However, they were too late. The Brain Cells had already been warned by Jen and Noah about the viruses' arrival. Two tendrils shot out from behind them and dragged them screaming into Courtney's maw.

The Highstrung CIT waited a little bit before spitting out the few capsid protein fragments that remained of them. "No one messes with _my_ team. _No one_."

* * *

 _Brain Cells  
_

"I'm surprised there's so many of these guys in here," Courtney admitted as she returned to her team. "I always figured Lindsay to be the dim type."

"You shouldn't be sayin' that. Not after what Noah found at the top front of her brain," Leshawna said darkly.

"What could it be?" Courtney asked herself as she swam upwards through the tangles of white matter. Suddenly, she hit something. After shaking her head, she found herself looking at an orange, stringy lump taking up a decent part of Lindsay's frontal lobe. Many of the cells in the area were dead. "What _is_ that?"

"As a platelet, I seem to instinctually know," Noah replied, coming up to her. "That's scar tissue. Lindsay must've had a nasty head injury at some point in her life. Probably why she's so scatterbrained."

"Oh..." Courtney said, immediately remorseful of her earlier treatment of the blonde. "Wow, I've been a real [a word], haven't I?"

"Yeah, but you can make it up to her by keeping her alive."

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"I have a low threshold for annoyances, and Lindsay just ticked me off a lot. But knowing she can't exactly help it makes me feel really bad. But Noah's right, I'll keep her alive _and_ in the run for the winning."  


* * *

 _Probiotics_

"Hey Brody, follow me. The nutrients would go out faster if we're right in the blood," Scott, a white rod-shaped bacterium with several orange flagella, said.

"Okay," replied the tall pink bacillus.

"Um, gut bacteria aren't supposed to be in the bloodstream," an intestine cell protested as the two wiggled past her.

"Ah, shaddap." They made their way into the bloodstream, only for an NPC neutrophil to slither by and eat them.

"And that would be why," the intestine cell snarked.

* * *

 **Confessional – Scott (real world).**

"Heather told me that the surfers have an alliance," he explained. "Hopefully they'll think Brody should've known better than to trust me and vote him out."  


* * *

 _Viruses_

"I fit right in with you guys!" Sugar, an icosahedral virus with a lumpy light pink capsid, exclaimed. Other, gray viruses of her species filled Lindsay's stomach, invading the cells of the lining and killing them, filling the chyme with their clones.

"And you fight right in my stomach," MacArthur, a large dark blue macrophage, declared, eating Sugar and several other noroviruses. "Or whatever cells have instead of those."

"Wait, Lindsay's sick?" Emma asked.

"Looks like it. Don't blame her, the last challenge had all sorts of gross things. And the timing's right for this particular virus."

Emma thought, and then said:

"I have an idea on how we might win. Get everyone to alert the brain cells once I explain what we're doing."

* * *

"We're doing _what_?!" Sammy exclaimed.

"We're causing Lindsay to have diarrhea. Not only will that take out many of the Viruses, it'll decimate the entirety of the Probiotics team. They're completely restricted to her large intestine, giving them a huge disadvantage," Cody explained.

"Alright," Sammy groaned. Her sodium/potassium channels opened and closed quickly, creating a charge imbalance that sent off a signal to Lindsay's muscles. "I feel so...violating."

"Don't worry. You want to hear about violation? Well..."

Sierra, a reddish-purple cell filled with yellow bubbles and a teal headphones-shaped nucleus, entered the spinal cord to talk to Cody. She gasped when she saw Cody and Sammy talking to each other and rolled away, sulking tremendously.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"Cody NEVER talks to me that way, but with THAT hussy?!" She growled. "Where's an autoimmune disorder when you need it most?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Human Erythrocyte #1,468,924,002 of the City of Lindsay Northern.  
**

"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SITTING ON ME?!"  


* * *

 _Corporeal_

Lindsay groaned. "Oh, ew, I better poo before I ruin my panties." She rushed into a bathroom and closed the door.

* * *

 _Probiotics_

Their world shuttered. "What's happening?!" Tom, the token archaeaon, green and burrito-shaped, shrieked. Behind him, one of Scott's clones burst, releasing several more clones of Zoey.

"Lindsay's going number two!" DJ hollered back. "And taking us with it!"

"Meaning our plan is coming to fruition," Alejandro said to Heather. They grinned evilly.

The plan was simple: first, get Brody and Scott thrown out of the game early to make the former a target. Then, use the Viruses to get Lindsay to flush them out. It was deviously simple and would cripple the only alliance besides the Misfit Alliance who knew of Alejandro's true nature: Surfer Dudes United.

And it was completely and totally effective, because despite the many clones that had been made (all of Dawn's trailing behind her like a snake), the entire team was flushed out of Lindsay's body.

* * *

 _Immunity_

"Ingenious!" Brick exclaimed. "Now let's take care of those half-alive evildoers, shall we?"

"Bite me, Brick!" He looked up to see Jo race towards him, her antigens poised. "I just found out what my thingies are for. They're for invading cells! One touch, and I'm in!" But instead of penetrating, she harmlessly bounced off his membrane. "WHAT?!"

"You should've paid more attention in ninth grade bio," Brick boasted. "Viruses can't enter a cell without the right receptor. And SARS viruses like yourself target cells in the respiratory tract, not in the blood."

"SARS? What the heck is that?" Jo asked.

"Irrelevant," Brick replied. "Because you can't infect _period_ if your antigens are bound!" He spat out numerous antibodies that matched Jo's color, and they stuck to her, weighing her down. "Now!"

Stephanie ate her. "Brick, I can't continue much longer. Any more and I'll lyse! And I had no chance to clone myself!'

"Don't worry, I did," Emma said, showing them her hundreds of clones. "Attention all Emmas: do not let up until every last virus is eaten!"

"CHAAAAAAARGE!" her clones shouted in unison, before targeting the several other viruses.

* * *

The resulting battle was chaotic. Virus and cell fragments littered the space outside the blood vessel, a war occurring right below Lindsay's left chin.

Izzy, a lime green cell, approached a cheek cell that had been infected. "Please, for the greater good," the latter begged.

"Yep!" Izzy opened her mouth and a long, wiry tongue shot out and tapped a specific spot. The cheek cell turned into a bunch of bubbles as she died via apoptosis.

Izzy smirked. Being a natural killer cell sure was a good outlet for her psychotic urges. She saw another dying cell and rushed over to help.

* * *

"Crap, we're outnumbered," Trent, a small yellow-green virus, panted. He and Beardo, who was long and gray, had no desire to hurt Lindsay, so they'd escaped to her nose.

"Should we leave?" Beardo asked.

"I thought you'd never ask! Throw me at those hairlike thingies at the top." Beardo wrapped himself around Trent and launched him at them. Trent landed, fiddled with them, then let go and fell back down.

"What was that?" Beardo asked.

"Wait for it..."

"Found you!" They gulped when they saw Dave menacingly approach, histamines leaking out of his mouth.

Then, the world shook.

Lindsay sneezed.

Beardo made the Tarzan yell as the last remnants of the Viruses, and one of the Immunity, were launched out and slammed into a window.

* * *

 _Brain Cells  
_

Jasmine, who'd been turned into a brown cell with an axon at one end and a single dendrite at the other, grimaced when she saw the pile of snot. She was one of the cells in Lindsay's eyes, so she saw the world first-hand. "Yuck. That's not gonna be fun to clean up."

Suddenly, she disappeared in a flash of blue light...

* * *

"I guess you guys had one _cell_ of a time," Chris joked back in the real world.

"Ever hear of originality? You should try it sometime," Sanders commented.

Lindsay groaned. "I don't feel very good..." She quickly got up and ran away, her cheeks bulging as she fought the urge to vomit right there.

"What's with her?" Taylor asked.

"I can tell you what's goin' on," Chef growled. "Last Friday Lindsay drank something mostly made from eggs, and _someone_ didn't wash his hands before he prepared it."

"You can't just assume the speaker's gender!" Tom admonished.

"I don't HAVE to assume his gender, it's _Chris_ , stupid!"

"Oh. Oh. Whoopsies!"

"Why blame me?" Chris asked, legitimately clueless.

"Because it's basic hygiene and you don't know how to cook. It wouldn't surprise me if you managed to burn _water_!"

"But water can't burn," Cameron piped up.

"I know that, maggot! That's a measure of how little he knows about cooking; he doesn't even know the laws of _nature_!"

"CAN WE ALL JUST SHUT IT?!" Tyler shouted, immediately getting everyone's attention. "Lindsay's sick and none of you are going to help her! So I'm gonna do it myself!" He ran off in Lindsay's direction.

"Let him," Noah spoke. "Tyler cares more about her than anyone else. And speaking from experience, when you love someone, you become ten times more competent when they're in trouble."

Emma sniffled a bit when she heard this. When push came to shove, Noah could be surprisingly romantic.

* * *

Tyler found Lindsay puking in the confessional toilet. "You okay?" he asked.

"N-no. My tummy hurts..." and then she threw up again.

"Poor girl." Then Tyler saw her bandanna shift, revealing an unusual mark on the top of her head. "Uh, Linds? Would you mind removing your bandanna?"

Lindsay stopped throwing up and paled. Alternatively, she already was because of the sickness. It was hard to tell. "I don't want to. People would...laugh at me."

"I'm a person, and I'm not laughing."

Lindsay sniffled and removed her bandanna. Tyler gasped when he saw a thin, rough-edged scar running vertically halfway up the middle of her scalp.

"W-when I was four, I fell off the swings and hit my head r-really bad," she said quietly. "I-I've never been normal after that. I've just been...stupid."

"No, Linds, you're not stupid!"

"W-what? But I don't know things!"

"A lot of people have difficulty retaining things, and a lot more are forgetful," Tyler said. "True stupidity is marked by not recognizing that. And if you were as dumb as people say, then...you wouldn't be as nice as you are."

"Y-you think so?"

"I know so. Lindsay, you're one of the kindest, sweetest people I've ever met."

"But...I've never had a boyfriend..." she said sadly. "If I was compish...compassionate like you say I am, I'd be getting asked out by half the guys in our grade!"

"That's...kinda my fault, actually."

"What? How, Tyler?"

"Because, well, I kinda like you, and the other guys are waiting for me to muster the courage to say so. It's the code and all that. But I've told you now. So...is a loser like me good enough for you?"

"Oh, Tyler!" Lindsay tried to hug him.

"Sorry Linds, but I don't want to get sick."

"Right, right. But Tyler, why didn't you say so? I'd be happy to be with you! Because...you're really nice too."

They looked into each other's eyes and smiled bashfully.

* * *

"You done?" Chris asked impatiently when Tyler and Lindsay returned hand-in-hand. " _Anyway_ , since the Brain Cells didn't lose anyone, they win! Their prize? An all-expenses-paid trip to the nearest pharmacy! If anyone not on that team has any requests for toiletries, please let them know ASAP.

"Immunity, you did well and lasted to the end. Since you lost some members, though, you come in second. Viruses, you caused a lot of havoc but didn't kill Lindsay. Speaking of, Lindsay, you got sick but didn't die, so you're safe!" Lindsay sighed in relief. "Your prize? Fresh oranges, hardboiled eggs, and tea!"

"Finally! I haven't had a good cup of tea in _ages_!" Sadie sighed.

"Probiotics, you all died first today, so you lose. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Probiotics, it's time to lyse!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Brody.**

"Scott's the reason I died!" Brody fumed, writing SCOTT on a piece of paper. "Wait, does his name have one 't', two, or three?"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Tom.**

"I smell something shady about Al, and it's not because I was the thing that made farts," Tom said, writing ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Carrie.**

"So not only is Duncan allied with Alejandro, Alejandro's been calling the shots all this time," Carrie explained. "As much as I want Scott gone for getting Brody killed, Alejandro's a far greater danger. Plus, y'know, the whole alliance-votes-together thing." She wrote ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Devin.  
**

"Apparently Brody trusted Scott and got us wiped out early, so Alejandro's having us vote him out," Devin explained, writing BRODY on a piece of paper. "I kinda think we might've been set up to lose because we were stuck in a place we had no chance of escaping without dying, I dunno. But I personally think Brody's a nice guy and I'd hate to see him hurt. And I hope he and Val do get together someday. Their recklessness works great together."  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Sixteen marshmallows sat on the plate, three of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to infect you with dramatitis. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are DJ, Dawn, Devin, Ryan, Brady, Heather, Lauren, Topher, Tom, Sanders, Cameron, Miles, and Laurie." They all got their marshmallows.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you. Today, however, we're skipping straight to green." He pointed to the lone green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Scott, please take this, because you've got four votes against you."

"Wow, I wasn't expecting Scott to get so many votes today," Carrie commented.

"Yeah, maybe we should've voted for _him_ ," Sanders agreed.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're outta here. Alejandro. Brody."

Brody gulped.

"Alejandro, you're one of our strongest competitors. Brody, your lack of understanding of bacterial biology cost your team today's win by jumpstarting its decline. With only one less vote...

...

...

...

...

"Alejandro is safe!"

"Thank the heavens," Alejandro sighed as he got the orange marshmallow.

"Aw, nuts," Brody cursed, mentally stopping himself before he could reveal his alliance.

* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff and Bridgette.**

"Well _this_ sucks," Geoff sighed. "Our alliance just lost a third of its power!"  


"Yeah, and Heather and Alejandro are still at large!" Bridgette agreed. "And Brody didn't even get to tell Val he likes her! Though I suppose he could always do it at home..."

"Speaking of Val, I hope the Misfits figure out how to take away Al's and Heather's power real soon."

"Me too, sweetie. Me too."

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"It's official. Lindsay's betrayed me. Sure, she's not in the Field Alliance, which'll last me to the end of the game for sure, but she's in Heather's Devils. Or rather, she _was_. She dates the Misfit, then she may as well BE one!" She crossed her arms. "That's what I told her when she came back from puking, and if she knows what's good for her, she'll dump Mr. Fan-spastic and come begging on her knees for my love!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Lindsay.**

"I felt really good about telling everyone about my head," Lindsay said. She didn't look nearly as sick as she did before. "Now they actually want to help me. But Hannah, er, Heather said I'm not her friend anymore because I like Tyler. That I should be a Misfit too. And since the Misfits are nicer to me than Amy and Heather and many of their other friends back home have been...you know what, I think I _should_ be a Misfit! Yeah! Suck it, Heather!" Then she did something surprising and mooned the camera in defiance, her tanlined crotch pixellated for the camera.  


She was going to _love_ her newfound freedom.

* * *

"Well, what an unusual turn of events _that_ was," Chris said. "Twenty down. Sixty-four remain. Who'll find the ultimate cure to obscurity and who'll get a terminal case of no-one-cares-about-them? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Chris, can I sit out next challenge?" Lindsay asked. "I still don't feel right..."

"Nonsense, Lindsay, you look fine!" She responded by throwing up on him. "...I stand corrected."

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **DJ – Didn't vote  
**

 ** **Dawn – Alejandro  
****

 ** ** **Brody – Scott  
******

 ** ** ** **Devin – Brody  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Ryan – Brody  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Brady – Brody  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Heather – Brody  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Alejandro – Brody  
****************

 **Carrie – Alejandro  
**

 ** ** **Topher – Brody******

 **Scott – Alejandro  
**

 **Tom – Alejandro  
**

 **Sanders – Alejandro**

 ** **Cameron – Scott  
****

 **Miles – Scott  
**

 ** ** **Laurie – Scott  
******

 **Results: 6-5-4 Brody-Alejandro-Scott  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Heather (2)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"Should we get some antibiotics for Lindsay?" Leshawna asked Harold the next day in the pharmacy.

"No, I've been told her ailment is caused by norovirus from the same species as Sugar's form in the game. Antibiotics won't work on viruses, so we should just let her rest."

Leshawna nodded. "Good call. Though I gotta say, it _was_ pretty funny to see Chris get covered in upchuck."

"Karma is a lady dog, but only if you abuse her," Harold quoted. Leshawna laughed and they walked off together to get some more bandages.


	29. 1-21: Runaway Model

**Review time! Sorry if this is a little late, I've got a new computer and I'm trying to learn how to type on it.**

 **Lara2244: Yep! Lyler is officially here! And the Misfits have gained a new alliance member, thus reclaiming some of their lost power!**

 **SpaceZodiac: Thanks! Although I will have to disagree with your apparent dislike of Total Highschool Drama's main protagonists (no, not Alejandro). I'd be lying if your comment about Team Victory didn't influence the interactions in this story, though. And thanks for the 100th review! (It would've been earlier had one of my more faithful reviewers not deleted their account.)**

 **StarHeart Specials: That's what THD is all about: making the characters greater than their archetypes! I immediately figured that Lindsay'd probably have a head injury akin to Scott and Brody (the dude wipes out a lot), and a challenge themed on microbiology was the best way to reveal it. Plus it explains why she never takes off the darn bandanna.**

 **I did in fact check out Dramarama, and it's pretty meh. I'm not too thrilled with what they did with Gwen, though; she's very OOC. Hopefully this just means lil' Gwen just thinks goth = emotionless and grows into her perkier self later on. Plus, Jude could've easily been Geoff; there's no need for him to be there. Plus the theme song's pretty cringy. That said, I** ** _am_** **probably gonna use most of the designs for the kids as the designs for the younger selves of the THD cast.**

 **I do have a fanfic idea, though: Chef and Don (whose class is RR cast members) put their classes together for a project. The kids, however, declare war on each other after Jacques and Josee pull a mean prank on Gwen. Bridgette and Geoff, who've met and taken a liking to each other, get separated by the fighting, and Bridgette enlists Noah to go behind enemy lines to talk to Geoff. He does, meeting Emma along the way, who wants the fighting to stop entirely, and together they convince the two classes that they aren't so different.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! The VR challenges let me be a little looser in terms of adaptations.**

 **decoy73: Thanks! Sorry though, I don't take suggestions.**

 **Doctor Brain: My parents literally named me Nerd, so I may as well use that positively! Lindsay was never actually in the Field Alliance, but she was in Heather's group back home. Sorry if that was confusing; please check Chapter 3 for more info on the cliques in THD. Your point about Alejandro is accurate, and yes, he's going eventually. Courtney's biggest flaw in THD is that she's hasty to jump to conclusions, and it'll directly influence her own elimination later on.**

* * *

 _Thursday, November 9, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we went straight to the nucleus of the problem! [previously unseen footage of Tyler, a red osteoclast, eating a hole in one of Lindsay's carpals, so that an incoming Justin would be trapped in it; the hole is then sealed by osteoblasts, and then Tyler eats the whole thing with Justin inside, the hole refilled afterwards] Deep inside Lindsay's body, one team of viruses fought for her death. [Sugar partying with the other noroviruses] Two teams of her cells fought for her survival. [Sammy triggering Lindsay's diarrhea; cut to Owen presenting the antigens] And one team of bacteria [Dawn talking to DJ] didn't really do all that much. In the end, Brody fell for Scott's tricks [Scott convincing Brody to leave the intestine, whereupon they got eaten], cutting Surfer Dudes United down to size. [Brody's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Sixty-four contestants remain. Who's going to walk the victory catwalk and who'll peter out in the end of the first season? Find out in today's episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

 _*Instrumental*_

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

* * *

 _Brain Cells_

Bridgette groaned, faceplanting onto the table. "You alright, hun?" Leshawna asked.

"Not really. Heather's got immunity, Alejandro's still at large, and I just lost one of my best friends," the blonde explained. "It's just not fair! Alejandro and Heather are dishonest people who don't deserve to get this far! But _no_ , we're stuck on the exact thing that their type of person **thrives** on!"

"Hm...well sugar, I hafta agree with ya. Alejandro tried manipulatin' me back when he first came, but when I saw him picking on someone the year below us – Parker, I think his name was – I found out what kinda no-good liar he really is." She sighed. "Both are gonna be hard to get rid of. But someone else ain't gonna be."

"Who?" Bridgette asked, picking up her head.

"Scott. He's directly why Brody's gone. And after what he did to Phil, I doubt he's gonna be safe for much longer. Bridge, if you can get on the good side of the other two big alliances, the Geeks and the Misfits, we're bound to get him out."

Bridgette sat taller. "I needed that. Thanks Leshawna."

"Anytime, homegirl. Anytime."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Okay everyone, do you know what today is?" Chris asked in the Drama Theater.

"The last day of the first season?" Sierra asked excitedly.

"It is indeed! We've got so many people here we've actually broken up the show into five parts. The first twenty-one to be eliminated will compose our first season. But it's something else important, too; it's Dakota's birthday!"

"Happy birthday!" Sam told the girl as she walked over. Dakota smiled bashfully as she came in front of her fellow teens.

"As a special gift, I've let Dakota pick the teams for today's challenge," Chris explained. "She will break you into three teams of twenty-one apiece. I know that's not right because we have sixty- _four_ people here, but Lindsay's still sick, so I've been requested to grant her immunity for today."

"When will it lift?" Duncan asked.

"When she gets better. Given that she's got norovirus, that should be about tomorrow morning." Duncan nodded in satisfaction while Tyler glared at him. "Each team will further break into three teams of seven for the competition. So Dakota, please, assemble the teams already!"

"Okay, first team," Dakota said nervously. "I want Sammy, Bridgette, Heather, Scott, Gwen, Owen, Izzy, Ella, Katie, Sadie, Sky, Dave, Geoff, Mike, Zoey, Justin, Ryan, Devin, Carrie, Jen, and Trent. You are the Lovely Linens.

"Second team. Cody, Sierra, Noah, Emma, B, Brick, Sam, Scarlett, Shawn, Jasmine, Ennui, Taylor, Dawn, DJ, Topher, Courtney, Harold, Josee, Cameron, Lorenzo, and Eva. You are the Curious Cotton.

"Third team is everyone else sans Lindsay. You are the Powerful Polyesters."

"Is this what I think it is?" Tom squeaked happily. Jen looked similarly thrilled.

"Yep! This is a fashion challenge!" Chris confirmed. "Each team will be given a box of fabric and stuff. Using only the materials provided, each group of seven, which you will choose yourselves, will construct an outfit for one of you to wear. Chef, Lindsay, and myself will judge you and give you a score out of ten. Whichever team gets the closest score to ninety at the end will get an advantage in the second part. Good luck!"

* * *

 **Lovely Linens: Sammy, Bridgette, Heather, Scott, Gwen, Owen, Izzy, Ella, Katie, Sadie, Sky, Dave, Geoff, Mike, Zoey, Justin, Ryan, Devin, Carrie, Jen, and Trent.**

 **Curious Cotton: Cody, Sierra, Noah, Emma, B, Brick, Sam, Scarlett, Shawn, Jasmine, Ennui, Taylor, Dawn, DJ, Topher, Courtney, Harold, Josee, Cameron, Lorenzo, and Eva.**

 **Powerful Polyesters: Leshawna, Crimson, Jay, Jacques, Stephanie, MacArthur, Tyler, Kitty, Amy, Sugar, Lightning, Jo, Beardo, Duncan, Lauren, Brady, Alejandro, Tom, Sanders, Miles, and Laurie.**

 **Spare Judge: Lindsay (automatically immune)**

* * *

 _Curious Cotton_

"What do you think the second part's going to be?" Shawn asked Topher.

"I'm guessing a race of some sort, because we don't have much longer until most of the challenges are shifted indoors due to the weather," Topher replied. "That, and Chris _really_ likes racing challenges."

"In that case, I hope the clothes we're making are warm enough. I don't wanna freeze and become a zombie's sundae."

Topher guessed right, for the material they got was quite thin and breathable. Their team's color was blue, and the fabric came in three different shades: royal blue, dark blue, and azure.

"It appears we've gotten three different colors to discern which sub-team is which," Scarlett noted.

"Yeah, and I call dibs on this one," Harold said, picking up a piece of azure fabric. "Anyone else wanna help?"

"I'll do it!" Cody offered.

"Me too!" DJ added.

"Brick, B, Sam, Cameron, want to join?" Harold asked. They nodded. "Suh-weet! C'mon, let's go! Brick knows how to sew, so I think he should do that part..." His voice trailed off as they left.

"I want this one!" Sierra exclaimed, picking up a dark blue piece. "It brings out Cody's eyes! Plus it might help us blend in because it's pretty dark out today." Indeed, it was quite overcast. "Noah, Emma, Shawn, Jasmine, Lorenzo, and Scarlett, I'd like you to help me."

"So I guess that leaves us with this one," Courtney said, left with the royal blue fabric and the six teammates not chosen. "C'mon guys, let's hop to it!"

* * *

 _Powerful Polyesters_

Their team color was purple, and their fabric matched accordingly, coming in amethyst purple, mauve, and red-violet. "Okay, I'm a model myself, so I think I should help you with these," Brady said. "But which color to choose? They're all pretty good."

"This one's my favorite color, so I'll take this," Stephanie said, taking a red-violet piece. "I'd like your help, if you wouldn't mind."

"Aw, thanks for deciding for me! Can I have Leshawna, Jo, Kitty, Miles, and Lightning also?"

"Sha-bam, dude! Hope you weren't tryin' to take all those ladies for yourself," Lightning chuckled.

"Uh, I have a girlfriend," Brady deadpanned.

"I have a boyfriend," Stephanie replied.

"I have a sorta-boyfriend," Leshawna added.

"I'm gay," Miles continued.

"I'm a freshman," Kitty groaned.

"And I just don't _like_ you!" Jo finished.

"Okay, okay, maybe Lightning's joke was a little dumb, but c'mon! It's 2017, we shouldn't be carin' about that stuff!"

"No, it's 2017, meaning we _should_ be caring about that stuff," Miles corrected him. "Let's just go already. Laurie, I think mauveine's vegan, so you can take that light purple cloth."

"Okay! Of you guys, I'd like Crimson, Jay, Tyler, Beardo, Amy, and Duncan."

"Don't make me wear anything _stupid_ , dreadhead," Amy hissed, causing Laurie to jump back.

* * *

 **Confessional – Laurie.**

"Amy _would_ make a good model, but seriously, did she _have_ to diss the dreads? I mean, I can't tell if that was racist or not!"

"It's something else," Jasmine said from outside the confessional. "It's called Amy's an idiot."

"Ah, THERE we go! I _knew_ there had to be a name for it!"

* * *

"And that leaves us with this," Jacques said, admiring the remaining fabric. "Ah, the color of amethysts. The best of all quartzes."

"That's the good part! We're stuck with _Sugar_!" Alejandro reminded him.

"Oh, quit yer whinin'! I was a pageant girl, you should count yer blessings!" Sugar retorted.

"Fair enough. Sorry miss, I'm not myself today."

"Don't gimme that," Sugar whispered into his ear. "I _know_ yer a liar, but as long as you and I work together, we can remove anyone in our way." Out loud she said, "Alright, powder mah nose, darlins! I'm gonna hit the silver screen!"

"Literally or figuratively?" MacArthur asked.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sanders.**

"Knowing Sugar, probably both."

* * *

 _Lovely Linens_

Their team color was yellow, and they too got three shades: amber, gold, and highlighter.

"I'll be taking _this_ ," Heather declared, taking the dark yellow shade known as gold for herself. "And for my team I'll take Scott, Trent, Jen, Justin, Ryan, and Sky."

"Hey! Leave some beautiful people for the rest of us!" Izzy exclaimed.

"Just because you're a psycho, pervy bisexual doesn't mean you can trump me," Heather replied cockily.

"Wait, Izzy's bi?" Trent asked.

"How do you _not_ know that? She came out on the last day of ninth grade during homeroom!" Justin exclaimed. "She did a whole presentation! We ended up needing a new fire extinguisher."

"Oh, so _that's_ how that happened. Sorry, I wasn't there that day. But it _does_ explain why that ceiling tile's burnt."

"It doesn't _matter_!" Heather snapped, before stomping off, her team following her.

"I have no problem with amber. It's a pretty color," Katie said, examining the fabric of the slightly orange shade of yellow. "Sadie, Sammy, Bridgette, Geoff, Ella, and Dave, I'd like your help, please."

"So I guess that leaves us with the highlighter," Carrie said.

"Hey Carrie, it matches your hair," Devin pointed out.

"Oh! So it does."

* * *

Geoff sighed. "Miss your friend?" Ella asked, pausing her organization of the cloth pieces.

"Brody's more than my best bro, brah. He's my cousin. We've been hanging tight together since we were little kids. I just feel like I could've done more to save him."

"Don't feel too bad. He's still out there, watching you." Ella thought of something. "Hey, how about I sing while we work? That's bound to lift your spirits!"

"Well, okay...

Acoustic guitar music began starting up. Geoff looked confused as to where it was coming from. Ella began singing.

 _A stitch in time saves nine, that's what they always say,_

 _So let us come together so we can win today._

 _I know it looks tough now, but I think we'll pull through._

 _Wonder if we'll need matching shoes._

Elsewhere, Justin heard Ella's lovely voice, looking up from sewing together a shirt. He smiled, resumed his job, and joined in, surprising her.

 _I don't know what we're going to do._

 _But I know I'll do it with you._

 _We will continue on, no matter what we'll find_

 _That Chris will use to bind._

Then they alternated between each other.

 _So let's put this piece here (Jen, I could use your help)_

 _Be careful with that needle (Wow, now my butt looks svelte!)_

 _Should we have extra pockets? (One never has enough)_

Now they sang together.

 _See? It doesn't have to be so rough._

Across the theater, everyone else joined in. The first was Jay, who was trying to figure out how to sew pants.

 _Hope I know what I'm doing, that I don't make them frown._

Bridgette was next, angrily slicing through the amber fabric with her scissors, scaring Geoff by how frightening she was.

 _Come Challenge 25, and Heather's going DOWN!_

Emma looked up from the dark blue hat she was making and lampshaded the weirdness.

 _Can they get any more camp?_

Noah, who was measuring Sierra's head for the hat, responded.

 _My dear, you know they'll try._

Sierra finished the stanza, happily tapping her feet.

 _And the odds, we shall defy!_

"Okay, seriously, _how_ is Ella able to summon music from nowhere?" Courtney asked during the brief musical interlude.

"Just go with it," Josee groaned.

"Well, alright then." Courtney began singing.

 _I hope that I can pull through._

Carrie murmured the next lyric into her arms as she watched Devin trace shapes in the cloth with a Sharpie.

 _When can I say that I love you?_

Duncan groaned at the commotion.

 _Do those guys seriously think that they can win?_

 _Well, it's making me so chagrined!_

He resumed tearing holes into the leftover fabric from his sub-team and sang proudly.

 _Well,_ I _know that my team is gonna score first place._

Owen dramatically sang at the ceiling.

 _Is there a chance that I'll see Izzy clad in lace?_

"Sure!" Izzy said, revealing she'd found some red-orange lace among the yellow fabric and had turned it into a dress that bared quite a lot of skin. Owen blushed heavily.

Gwen rolled her eyes at this.

 _You guys are uber-weird._

Tyler replied to her from the other side of the room.

 _Don't need to throw that shade._

DJ and Dawn sang together as they looked into each other's eyes.

 _You and I, we're gonna do great._

Then Justin and Ella finished the song, admiring their handiwork.

 _And now just look at what we've made._

* * *

Lindsay sniffled. "That was like, _so_ beautiful!"

"I know!" Dakota agreed. They wailed together.

Chris rolled his eyes but then saw Chef crying too. Chef looked up at Chris' disapproving glare. "What?"

"Never mind. Lindsay, please get yourself together, we're presenting the clothes and you need to evaluate them with a level head."

"Whee!"

"Didn't you used to _like_ Ella's singing?" Chef asked.

"Yeah, but things changed."

* * *

 **Confessional – Chef.**

"Better not be that Ella joined the Misfits after Challenge 3."

* * *

 _Lovely Linens_

"Our first model, representing Team Amber, is Geoff," Sammy announced. Geoff walked in and flounced his outfit, which Sammy described. "A classic sportsjacket with tails. The length of the tails can be adjusted by buttoning it to the back. Coming with it are matching pants and some good old-fashioned dress shoes. Both the jacket and the pants have additional pockets for one's phone, wallet, keys, and other essentials."

"I was always running out of pockets back in the day," Chef said, "so I give this an eight for thinking ahead."

"Six. The color gets a bit overwhelming," Chris remarked.

"Nine. Because like Mr. Chef said, I never have enough pockets," Lindsay said.

"Meaning you have twenty-three points," a buff intern with wavy brown hair, Dudley, said. Dudley was keeping score because Chris was too lazy. He drew 23 on a whiteboard with a yellow marker, then outlined it with black because yellow is hard to see against white.

"Our second model, representing Team Gold, is Heather," Jen announced. Heather smirked and showed herself off. "It's not winter yet, but it's going to be soon! So Heather gets a nice winter dress with long sleeves and extra padding in the thighs. Her boots are an original design by myself."

"Seven, for taking into account summer wear's not good for winter," Chef said.

"Ten! It's awesome," Chris exclaimed.

"Three," Lindsay said, shocking Chris. "All that gold is like, _waaaay_ too tacky. Plus Heather's a meanie norbert."

"...What?" Heather asked after making a string of unintelligible noises. "Okay, I'll admit, I'm an unapologetic [b word], but what's a _norbert_?!"

"Doesn't matter, you get twenty points," Dudley said, writing + 20 on the whiteboard.

'And finally, representing Team Highlighter, is Izzy," Zoey announced. "I think most of you've already seen the dress she made for herself during Ella's song."

"Wait, where did you get _lace_?" Alejandro asked, scratching his head in confusion.

"Oh, I slipped some in for each team. Whoever found it first got to use it, _but_ had to work with their team's color too. Linens got red-orange, Polyesters got green, and the Cottons got white," Chris explained. "Izzy, your outfit seems to be all the wrong color."

"It's not _entirely_! Look down!" Izzy replied.

The judges did. "Socks?" Chef asked on seeing Izzy's calves covered in highlighter yellow cloth.

"Nope! Stirrups!" Izzy kicked off her flats, revealing the heels and the front ends of the garments were open. She wiggled her peridot green-painted toes.

"Well, you surprised me with the stirrups, but your outfit's too risque for my tastes. Four," Chef finally decided.

"Seven, because you managed to get the wool over our eyes," Chris continued. "Well, it's not _actually_ wool, but..."

"Ten! I don't remember the last time I've seen stirrups on anyone, but they're really cute! You gotta teach _me_ how to make them," Lindsay chirped.

"Thanks! But you'll have to take it up with Noah and Emma for your Misfit initiation. _Then_ I'll teach you," Izzy replied perkily.

"Which will wait, because you have another twenty-one points," Dudley interrupted, writing + 21, "meaning your final score is:" and he wrote = 64.

"Whoever beats that may get an advantage!" Chris hinted.

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"Oh, so NOW he tells us. Still, I'm pretty happy that we're at least in a good spot."

* * *

 **First Threeway Confessional – Noah, Emma, and Kitty.**

" _We_ didn't have an initiation," Kitty said, confused.

"You were Misfits before the show started. Izzy decided anyone who'd join afterwards, e.g. Lindsay, would have to do some task and then vote out someone we didn't want successfully to become part of the alliance," Noah explained.

"Let's just focus on winning first," Emma reminded them. "We've still got a long list of people who want us gone."

"Don't worry, Emma!" Kitty exclaimed. "We're bound to get at least _something_ productive done today!"

"And speaking of which, Sierra's outfit turned out alright," Noah added.

* * *

 _Curious Cottons_

"Sierra is our fourth model today, representing dark blue, and she's got a beauty of a number," Lorenzo announced. "That skirt? It's actually a skort! Providing all the mobility _and_ style of its parent pieces. The shirt is a long-sleeved polo with _symmetrical_ breast pockets, now that's not something you see every day. Topping it all off is a hat to keep your ears warm in the mid-November winds. So what do you think?"

"Seven. Hats don't get enough love," Chef said, proudly patting his toque.

"Ditto that," Chris said. "It's a bit dull but still tasteful."

"Also seven. I like it, but dark colors are like, a bit overused," Lindsay added.

"Fair enough," Lorenzo said, nodding. "I get where you're coming from."

"And speaking of getting things, you have twenty-one points," Dudley said. He pulled out a second whiteboard and wrote 21 on it with a blue marker.

"Number five is our old pal Harold for Team Azure, bringing the stereotypical geekwear into the 21st century," Cody announced. "Not just dual chest pockets, but _tetral_! This polo shirt is gonna blow you outta the water. And it may not be denim, but these jeans know where it's at! Plus, we monogrammed the socks we made using the threads from the white lace. So whaddya say?"

"Six. Kinda average, but still wearable," Chef said.

"Eh, two. Not a fan of the whole geek chic thing," Chris said. "Or geeks, for that matter." Sierra gasped a little when she realized Chris had just scorned her beloved Cody.

"Five. It's a little weird for me, but if we had more types of fabric I'd like it more," Lindsay said.

"Good point, we think the same way," Harold said.

"You have thirteen points," Dudley said, writing + 13 on the whiteboard.

"I hope the next one's good enough so we don't get shortlisted," Sam gulped.

"Don't worry Sam, this one is!" Courtney announced. "Topher is representing Team Royal Blue, and he certainly lives up to it. He wears a tracksuit because that's what we're figuring part two's going to entail. As Chris is our humble (not really) sponsor, we decided to honor him by drawing his face on the headband with a white sharpie, supplied courtesy of Ennui."

"Nice use of resourcefulness. Eight," Chef said.

"Ten! You're quite clever AND you put my face on it!" Chris gushed.

"Thanks a bunch, Chris!" Topher called back.

"Ten. Because it reminds me of Tyler," Lindsay sighed. Courtney had used the appearance of Tyler's iconic red tracksuit as a template for her team's own.

"Awwww," many of the other girls, and Owen, cooed.

"Way to go, brah!" Geoff whooped, thumping a beaming Tyler on the back. "I'm proud of ya!"

"And with that, you have twenty-eight points," Dudley said, writing + 28. "Meaning your total score is:" and he wrote 62.

"Crud, that may not be enough to get us the advantage," Jasmine said nervously. "Beaten out by two points. Now that's bloody annoying."

"It sure is!" Chris turned to the camera. "How will I like the Polyesters? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "One more team has yet to strut their stuff, and I think it's time they do!"

* * *

 _Powerful Polyesters_

"Our first piece is from Team Red-violet, and it cannot be beat!" Brady announced. "Pun intended! We looked to nature and found a willing reference in good ol' _Beta vulgaris_ , the table beet! Specifically, the cultivar known as Red Queen, which our model certainly qualifies for! Leshawna here is modelling a striped dress reminiscent of the taproot's cross-section and a matching scrunchie for the tops, with green lace to harken the image of its leaves."

"Ten! Veggies don't get enough love, and I love how you figured out how to make it striped," Chef said proudly.

"Nine. Had to take off for the awkwardness of the lace," Chris said.

"Ten as well! Lequisha, I mean, Leshawna looks really nice in that color!" Lindsay said.

"Aw, sugar, you're so sweet!" Leshawna chuckled.

"Whuh?" the girl named Sugar asked. "Someone say my name?"

"With twenty-nine points, your sub-team's attire is so far the highest-scoring!" Dudley said proudly, writing 29 on a third whiteboard with a purple marker.

"Up next is Beardo for Team Mauve!" Jay announced, while Beardo beatboxed his own theme song. "Wearing a classic shirt and pants, you may think this is a little average. And it is! But hey, casual clothing exists too."

"Seven. Because he's right," Chef said.

"One. Because I wanted more excitement," Chris complained.

"Eight. That's a really cute color, and it really goes with the other purples," Lindsay said.

"Putting your score at sixteen," Dudley finished, writing + 16.

"And our final piece for today is this little beauty," Alejandro announced. "Lauren may be shy, but she is a handsome model regardless. A layered top, trapping ample air to keep her warm in the cold weather. Baggy pants, to give her that oh-so-special ventilation. And think socks don't go with sandals? Think again, because no one does socks 'n' 'stocks like she can," he finished, referencing Lauren's brown Arizonas.

"Six. I've never gotten the appeal of those weird shirt things," Chef said.

"Nine! Alejandro's quite creative," Chris gushed.

"Seven. This kind of outfit's been done too many times already," Lindsay said. "Not that you aren't cute, Lauren, it's just–"

"Don't worry, I get it," Lauren said timidly. "T-thanks for liking it, though."

"And your score is twenty-two," Dudley said, writing + 22, "putting your total at:" and he wrote 67. "The Powerful Polyesters win with 67 points!" The Powerful Polyesters cheered.

"Your advantage? These!" Chris said. Joseph handed each of the team's the three models a branch.

"I don't get it. What are these for?" Beardo asked, very weighed down by his.

Chris smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know?

* * *

"Part two, as Topher correctly identified, is a race!" The nine models stood outside the theater. "Your goal is to run from here to the Mess Hall quite a ways away. The first team to have all three of their models there wins! But there are many obstacles for you to face; luckily, the rest of your sub-team has been provided with a map and will guide you around them." Phil went around and placed earpieces into the models' left ears, while the announcers of each sub-team were handed a walkie-talkie and a paper map. "Since they won, the Powerful Polyesters get branches to help fend off one of the obstacles. Everyone get in position!" They did. "Oh, and any cheating will get your team automatically disqualified, FYI. Assuming we catch you, that is." Chris pulled out his airhorn and blew it. "Begin!"

They ran off.

"Only if you get caught?" Scott mused.

* * *

 **Confessional – Scott.**

"I need to step up my game. And I really don't like Dawn. She thinks she knows all the things about my life with her BS magic stuff. So if I make it seem like she tried to disadvantage my team by stealing our map, she'll be out and the Misfits won't even suspect it."

* * *

A few minutes in, the first obstacle was reached: the pseudomines made their triumphant return, blasting Sierra into the sky.

"I've reached the mines! Now what?" Leshawna hollered.

"They're arranged in a diamond-shaped pattern. Each diamond is five mines tall and about four wide," Kitty said into the walkie-talkie. "If a mine is triggered right in front of you, hop in front of it! You've got about seven feet of open ground between the mines in the middle!"

* * *

"Got that!" Far away, Leshawna poked in front of her with her branch, letting go of it when a pseudomine launched it upwards. Leshawna caught it, jumped over the pseudomine, ran forward seven feet, and jumped. Repeat.

"Loving the mad skillz!" Harold complimented as he used his skinny body to snake through the open spaces between the pseudomines.

"You're doin' pretty good yourself, Harold! But I'm still gonna pull ahead of you come the next one!"

"We'll see about that!" Harold replied cheekily.

* * *

"Remember the bees? They're like, back and super mad," Geoff said.

"I'd imagine so, the bees Chris is using are Africanized," Dave said. "They're gonna be omnidirectional–"

"What?"

"They're gonna get you from all sides! Just avoid their hives and try to find a cold wind. Bees can't handle the cold all that well, especially ones from a tropical environment."

* * *

"Roger that, little clean dude!" Geoff said, avoiding the bees. "This is for you, Brody! This. Is. For. YOU!" And he ran headfirst into a cold gust, the bees unable and unwilling to follow. The wind, or maybe it was missing his best friend, caused him to tear up.

* * *

During the commotion, Scott snatched the Gold sub-team's map while no one was looking and slipped it into Dawn's back pants pocket, before slipping away.

"Trent, what should I do? Chris put up a bunch of tennis ball launchers – OW! My nipples!" Heather had apparently been whacked in the chest by two tennis balls.

"Well," Trent began, only then realizing something was amiss. "Wait, where's the map?"

"Maybe it just blew away," Ella suggested.

"No, I think Dawn stole it! She's trying to get us out!" Scott exclaimed, fake-panting.

"She WHAT?" Heather shrieked from the other end. "Get her!"

"I don't know, this doesn't sound like Dawn," Owen said, confused.

"Who cares? We're gonna lose if we don't get it back! Because sharing's gonna be too awkward," Jen reminded him.

* * *

"How'd you get that?" Lorenzo accused. Dawn had found the map in her pocket and much of her team wasn't too happy about it.

"I don't know, honest! It just showed up!" Dawn whimpered.

"You KNOW the penalty for cheating is disqualification," Scarlett growled. "Are you _trying_ to get us to lose?"

"Guys, chill! This is Dawn, the girl who faints at blood, here!" Shawn admonished.

"But she's got nothing against cheating, apparently!" Sadie accused as her team showed up. "Scott told us so!"

"You ARE aware Scott has a history of lying, right?" Emma pointed out.

Everything clicked.

"Dawn, I apologize, I let my anger get the better of myself," Scarlett said sheepishly.

"It's alright. You have a lot of justified fury at the misinformed and no proper outlet. I suggest meditation," Dawn replied.

"Oh, Scott tried to cheat, did he?" Chris said, suddenly appearing. "Well, sorry guys, but the Lovely Linens are disqualified. Heather, Geoff, Izzy, you're out of the race!"

"Aw, _man_!" Izzy groaned from the other end. "And I was just about to punch a bear!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"Scott's plan _could_ have worked," Heather said, her chest bandaged, "under better conditions. And I wish I'd been told _before_ those stupid tennis balls murdered my [t word]ties."

* * *

"Well, _I_ think your plan was pretty good," Amy told Scott.

"You do? Aw, thanks! Too bad everyone else is smarter than I thought they were," Scott replied.

"You should've gone for someone who'd be more likely to lie. Like Sugar."

"Wish you'd told me earlier," Scott said, shaking his head. He left her.

Amy turned around and found Dawn standing behind her. "Ah! What is it?"

Dawn sighed. "Amy, most people wouldn't feel bad for you. But I am able to sympathize. You're still not over your birth father's death, are you not?"

"What? How do you...I mean, frick off, loser!" Amy stormed off, trying hard not to cry.

Dawn shook her head. "I at least tried..."

* * *

"Okay, there was a bit of a slip-up, but Sierra, Harold, and Topher got together before Leshawna, Beardo, and Lauren did, so the Curious Cottons win!" They cheered. "Powerful Polyesters, not too shabby, and you even figured out that your branches could be used in multiple ways."

* * *

Flashback to Beardo fending off the bees AND the tennis ball launchers with his branch.

* * *

"So you're also safe. Now for our losing, disqualified team. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Lovely Linens, someone's seams are about to burst!"

And almost everyone knew _whose_ they were going to be.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"Scott," Owen said, surprisingly angry compared to his natural cheerful disposition, writing SCOTT on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sky.**

"Scott." She wrote SCOTT on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.**

"Scott." She wrote SCOTT on a piece of paper. "Something tells me that in a past life, I should've done this a whole lot earlier."

* * *

 **Confessional – Trent.**

"Scott." He wrote SCOTT on a piece of paper.

* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Of the twenty-one marshmallows on the plate, only three of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so you get clad in drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Sammy, Bridgette, Heather, Owen, Ella, Katie, Sadie, Sky, Dave, Geoff, Mike, Zoey, Justin, Ryan, Devin, Carrie, Jen, and Trent." They all got their marshmallows.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you. But once again, we don't have any." He pointed to the single green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Gwen, you have two votes against you."

"Et tu, Heather?" Gwen grumbled.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're outta here. Izzy. Scott."

Izzy bounced in her seat. She knew who was going to stay for certain.

"Izzy, you're crazy and could kill someone without a second thought. Scott, you've been behind several incidents, but you may have finally bitten off more than you could chew. One of you's going out, and...

...

...

...

...

"Izzy apparently got the same number of votes as Gwen. So in other words, Scott has gotten an overwhelming majority of the votes and has been eliminated."

"Oh no!" Heather wailed. "Why would you do this to me?"

"Silly Heather!" Izzy grinned. "Remember what Noah said to you? Mess with one Misfit, you mess with _all_ Misfits!"

"Sorry Heather," Scott cowered as he timidly got the red marshmallow.

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"Our alliance is down to two," Courtney reflected. "I'm not certain how much longer it'll last. Also, seriously, Scott, what the bloody heck on a cracker?!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Mike.**

"Thank goodness that _worked_! Scott would've only kept rigging the votes had he stayed. I'm sure of it."

* * *

"Mike's got it right," Chris said. He stood at the Dock of Shame. "Twenty-one down. Sixty-three remain. With Scott's elimination, Season One is officially over. Who'll remain in fashion and who'll fall out of style? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"LACE!" Izzy shouted, rushing over and tying Chris up with the Cottons' spare white lace, before running off gleefully. Chris struggled to escape and fell over.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Sammy – Scott**

 **Bridgette – Scott**

 **Heather – Gwen**

 **Scott – Gwen**

 **Gwen – Scott**

 **Owen – Scott**

 **Izzy – Scott**

 **Ella – Didn't vote**

 **Katie – Scott**

 **Sadie – Scott**

 **Sky – Scott**

 **Dave – Scott**

 **Geoff – Scott**

 **Mike – Scott**

 **Zoey – Scott**

 **Justin – Scott**

 **Ryan – Izzy**

 **Devin – Izzy**

 **Jen – Scott**

 **Trent – Scott**

 **Results: 16-2-2 Scott-Izzy-Gwen**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Heather (1)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

"We made it to Season Two, little buddy!" Owen exclaimed the next day, cracking open a bottle of water and chugging it.

"Yeah," Noah said, staring at the green mash on his plate. "What do you think's in this stuff?"

Owen sniffed it. "It's baked lettuce."

"Guess this is why you don't cook it. Oh, and Owen?"

"Yeah?"

"We're gonna need to be careful more than ever now. Because most of Team E-Scope may have survived this far...and our opponents are only going to work even harder to get rid of us."

Owen gulped in fear.


	30. 2-1: You Regatta be Kidding Me

**Review Time!**

 **SpaceZodiac: Thanks! Sorry about accusing you, I was just confused by your wording in your review. Scott in THD is a blend of his selves in TDROTI and TDAS, meaning he mostly follows orders unless he thinks otherwise would be better. As you can see, his All-Stars ineptitude cost him the game. Plus, it's a fix for how he eliminated Dawn in the canon by lying to everyone; here they recognize how OOC rigging a challenge would be for the Moonchild. I'm definitely considering a new cross-alliance deal made by those five; we'll see what happens next. I'm especially happy that I got to tone Eva's temper down so she's more normal and that that's gotten good reception.**

 **StarHeart Specials: And there was much rejoicing. (Dull "Yay."). Who's to say some of them haven't already?...**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: *le gasp* Thank you so much! I like my writing style too (it's much better than it was in some of my earliest fanfics). This was exactly the kind of challenge Izzy would love to ruin by being random. And she's only gonna keep going! XD**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! Scott's elimination paralleling Dawn's canon knockout was deliberate, because this fanfic is the entire original series compacted into one! Amy was closer to her birth father than Sammy was, so his death was very hard on her; she blames Sammy for it because of involvement I'll get into after Season Two.**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I wanted a reason for Chris to get dolphin meat that far from the ocean, so having his interns scavenge a beached one seemed fitting! Plus, it's in line with how he treats his interns. I actually used foodstuffs from multiple episodes in the Brunch of Disgustingness; I recommend checking out the wiki to find out which got adapted. Lindsay's pretty bright when she sets her mind to it, and I liked giving Scott his comeuppance. Your analysis of the symbolism behind Amy quickly losing her idol wasn't what I intended, but I'll take it! That's the joy of fans** **– they can make connections the author just can't!  
**

 **And I did read No Honor Among Thieves; though I don't quite appreciate the violence, drug use, and that Izzy got killed off, it's quite well-written.**

 **Geoffry Giraffe: Thanks! Yeah, I wonder why I'm missing a TVTropes page too. I mean, this story has been explicitly stated to be on course for the longest on the site, so...**

 **Lara2244: He is indeed! And here it is!**

* * *

 _Sunday, November 12, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we sewed together a doozy of a challenge! [Stitch in Time] Three teams had to make their own clothes [Heather calling dibs on the golden fabric] to impress the judges [Chris not happy that Lindsay and Chef liked Ella's song] to get points. [Dudley scoring the Cottons] Some were hits [Lauren's amethyst purple outfit], some were misses [Beardo's outfit], and some caught all of us offguard. [Izzy's stirrups] The Powerful Polyesters won the advantage in the race [everyone getting their advantage] to the Mess Hall, where my obstacles tried to slow them down! [Geoff vs. the bees] Surprising everyone, the Curious Cottons [Harold weaving through the mines] won! Not as surprising, Scott tried to throw the challenge [Scott planting the map on Dawn], directly leading to his elimination [Scott's elimination] and Heather's Field Alliance being mowed down to just two.

"We have now reached the one-fourth mark," Chris said as he stood at the Dock of Shame. "Sixty-three contestants remain as we enter our second season. Who will trawl up the prize money, and who will be discharged? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

"Before we begin today's challenge, I'd like to say two things," Chris said to the remaining campers. "One, congratulations, your stay is 25% of the way up!"

"That's 75% too low," Cody said, earning some laughs.

"Two, Total Drama has become the highest-rated show on the Drama Network. Thanks to your shenanigans, we've increased our budget multiple times over and have even been nominated for a Gemmy!"

"Bigger budget? Uh-oh, you're going to buy more torture devices with it, aren't you?" Stephanie asked.

"Yes, but you benefit too. Remember when I said you'd be doing this for a million bucks? Not anymore! We got so much money that we didn't know what to do with it all. So we've increased the winnings from one million to five!"

Excited murmurs raced through the crowd.

"Dollars?" Taylor asked. "Because that'd be a sucky win."

" _Million_ dollars, not individual dollars, dumb[a word]," Heather growled.

"Sheesh, what has _your_ panties in a twist?"

"I just lost a third of my alliance, okay?! Excuse me if I'm a little tense because of that!"

"Keep the fire burning," Chris chuckled. "Anyway, I want you to break into your original seven teams." The kids did so. "Now, you know it's getting cold out, right?"

"Well, duh! I couldn't _sleep_ last night it was that cold," Justin groaned.

"I know. My goosebumps had goosebumps, and I thought that was _impossible_!" Cameron agreed.

Chris ignored them. "So that means it's time for winter sports. One of them was once very popular, but goes underappreciated today: rowing!"

"My arms hurt just _thinking_ about it," Kitty winced.

"So here's what's gonna happen. Your team's captain that I assigned in the very first challenge will take a boat and row from the Dock of Shame to the northernmost tip of the island, and then back again. The rest of your team will be manning their own boat, and it's their job to ensure your win by delaying the other teams."

"But what if your captain's been voted off?" Katie asked.

"Then the person your captain chose will be the rower. In your guys' case that's Brady. Of course, the first order of business will be _decorating_ the boat to earn an advantage."

The interns brought out seven wooden one-person rowboats, one for each team.

"Good luck!"

* * *

 **Red Robins: Owen, B, Noah, Cody, Ella, Izzy, Emma, Kitty, Sierra, and Topher.**

 **Orange Ocelots: Brady, Justin, Katie, Sadie, Lorenzo, Brick, Ennui, and Crimson.**

 **Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Ryan, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, and Lauren.**

 **Green Gators: Cameron, Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.**

 **Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Gwen, Leshawna, Trent, Harold, and Dawn.**

 **Blue Beetles: Shawn, Lightning, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine, Sky, Jay, Tom, Jen, and Dave.**

 **Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Courtney, Duncan, Tyler, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee.**

* * *

 _Cyan Sharks_

"It's so depressing that we're the smallest team here," Zoey groaned.

"I know, girl. We've been cut down by half already!" Leshawna griped. "Still, we gotta pull through. Think there was a rowin' machine over in the gym, so you can go practice on that."

"Good idea. I'll come back later when Chris calls us." Zoey left for the gym.

"Now all we need to do is decorate it," Trent said. "Gwen, you publish for the art magazine back home, so I think this is on you."

Gwen smiled. "You got it. Harold, Dawn, we're the cyan team, so you should find paint in roughly that color. Find some black and white, too, so I can mix up some more shades. I'm gonna need brushes too. And make sure it's waterproof paint, this _is_ a boat after all."

"Can do!" Harold said confidently.

"And I know exactly where the art supplies should be," Dawn added. "You aren't the only one who works on the art magazine, Gwen."

"I know, but you're used to painting smaller stuff."

"That is very true. Do not worry, I will not let you down."

* * *

 _Purple Pigs  
_

"Duncan, I'm leaving you in charge of painting the boat, I gotta practice," Geoff told him, before leaving.

"All right!" Duncan pulled out two cans of black spraypaint and one can of red from his coat pockets. "This is gonna be the most metal boat ever!"

"Metal won't win this," Courtney reminded him. "This is a boat. Whatever we do cannot mess up its shape or it won't go as fast. Also, the advantage will be given based on how much _Chris_ likes it, and punk may not be to his taste."

"Oh, don't start with that! You're not an artist!"

"At least _I_ think about the consumer!"

"Both of you, _faire taire_!" Jacques snapped, instantly shutting up both. "You are both correct. Duncan has good artistic talent in terms of how intricately he can get his designs. But Courtney is as well, meaning no knife should be taken to the wood. Also, I believe Chris may attempt to put in a loophole where if we don't use our team's color, we may not score so well."

"What could be so cool about purple?" Duncan asked skeptically.

"Originally, the only source of decent purple dye were rare snails," Bridgette said. "And the snails had so little of the chemical it took a lot of them just to make a little dye. If you weren't royal but wore purple, you could _die_!"

"Okay, now THAT'S pretty sick," Duncan said, pulling out a purple can of spraypaint. "Let's do this!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"Duncan and I have always had arguments like that. But lately the romantic part's been fading and the vitriol's getting worse. I don't know...should I break up with him? I kinda don't want to, because I put a lot of work into this relationship and I don't want it to go to waste."  


* * *

 _Red Robins_

"I'm not too sure that boat will hold me," Owen said nervously.

"Relax, dude. B can fix that. Right?" Cody asked. B nodded.

"Just focus on getting in gear for the rowing part," Kitty said. "Don't worry, we'll support you however we can."

* * *

 _Green Gators_

"You'd better not lose this for us, shrimp," Sugar threatened Cameron.

"Strong words from someone no one on our team likes," Eva retorted.

* * *

 _Orange Ocelots  
_

"I know you guys don't like most bright colors, but would you let us work orange into the design?" Sadie asked Crimson.

Crimson looked at Ennui, who nodded. "I believe we could, if done right," she said.

"Super!"

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks  
_

"I don't feel too good about hurting my friends," Lauren winced.

"That is a sacrifice you may need to make, Lauren," Alejandro said.

"Not...necessarily. I think I should hold off and let you guys do it."

Alejandro sighed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"Lauren's pacifism does not make her particularly useful in a competitive environment like this," Alejandro explained. "So I think I may need to have her voted off before she becomes too much of a load on my back."  


* * *

 _Blue Beetles_

"Why can't Lightning be the captain?" Lightning grunted. "Why does he have to sit back and let that weird kid take the lead?"

"Because Chris assigned him to be, that's why," Jasmine replied. "If you can't respect that, take it up with Chris. But I doubt he'd change things up."

"He may, though," Sky pointed out. "Keep in mind this guy can change his mind in the blink of an eye. So the fewer ideas we give him, the better."

"Couldn't say it better myself," Dave agreed.

* * *

"And time!" Chris announced. "So let's see what we've come up with. We're going in size order from smallest team to largest, and then alphabetical if two teams are the same size, meaning the Cyan Sharks are up first!"

Gwen had really outdone herself. The boat's livery was a marbled swirl of cyan, teal, and white. The team's logo, a snarling shark, adorned the bow, like all the other logos did. "Not too shabby, CS! I give you nine out of ten. Next up, Orange Ocelots!"

Crimson and Ennui had allowed orange in their otherwise monochrome black and white boat's color scheme, but it was muted and dull. The logo was a roaring ocelot. "Orange with zebra colors, interesting choice. Seven out of ten. Next up, Purple Pigs!"

Their boat was completely black, save for rough red and purple stripes making it look like it'd been in a fight. The logo was a growling boar. "Pretty punk, if I do say so myself. Eight out of ten. Next up, Green Gators!"

Their boat was dark green and countershaded, its underside a light, creamy color. The logo was an alligator, jaws open, painted in a lighter shade of green. "I'm digging the gator vibes. Eight out of ten. Next up, Red Robins!"

Their boat was a flamboyant red color, with a few hints of yellow and orange near the stern. Their logo was a confused-looking robin. "Hmm, a bit mediocre. Six out of ten."

"SIX?!" Emma shouted. "We put so much work into this! We even made it strong enough to hold Owen up!"

"Meh, don't really care. Anyway," he continued, annoying Emma's furious glare, "next up are the Blue Beetles!"

Their boat was a dark shade of blue, presumably to help it camouflage against the water of the lake they were in better. Their logo was a rearing beetle. "Hm, pretty good. Seven out of ten. Last up, we have the Yellow Yaks!"

The last of the boats was butter yellow (which Owen noticed and started salivating over) but overall pretty bland. Their logo was a snorting yak. "A little uninteresting. Seven out of ten."

* * *

 **Confessional – Topher.**

"That's weird. Our boat really did have more effort put into its paintjob. So why didn't Chris score it better?" He gasped. "Is it because I forgot to put his face on it?"  


* * *

"The Cyan Sharks win! Their advantage? This!" He tossed Zoey a harpoon gun. "You can use this to sink an opponent's boat!"

"Chris, that water doesn't look all that warm. Aren't you concerned that we'll freeze to death if we fall in?" Zoey asked.

"I may have, before I got the money to justify it!" Zoey frowned at this. "So who's going to sink or swim? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Now that I've evaluated everyone's boat, it's time to start the race!" He pulled out his airhorn. "The captains of each team have boats with their own custom paintjob, while the rest just have a regular boat with their team's color painted on it in stripes." Pan to reveal the other boats. "I know, it's _super_ tacky. When I blow my horn, they'll all race off. The captains need to complete the race, and the rest need to keep them afloat." He blew his horn. "Begin!"

* * *

The captains, understandably, were the first to paddle away, while the rest of their teams tried to figure out who should do what.

* * *

 _Red Robins_

"Okay, Izzy, Sierra, B, you're the strongest on the team, so you three should be the ones rowing," Noah said.

"Izzy can do that! Izzy can take us to VICTORY!" the redhead declared.

"I'm not so sure. I'm really tall, so I might topple the boat if I row too fast," Sierra murmured.

"But don't you want to get to spend three nights in the good cabin with Cody?" Topher asked.

Sierra's eyes lit up. "In that case, hand me my oars!" B handed her a pair of oars and they began paddling away.

"Really dude?" Cody deadpanned.

"Hey, if we win this, the ends will justify the means," Topher shrugged.

" _Sierra_ is never a good justification for _anything_!"

* * *

 _Green Gators  
_

Mike gasped and Chester took his place. "Alright, whippersnappers, listen up! This isn't going to be anything that you've ever done before. It'll take determination and valor to win today's challenge! So Eva, DJ, MacArthur, and myself will be the ones rowing."

"You? Really?" Eva asked. "Sir, you're not exactly as young as you used to be."

"No, but this body is!" He picked up a set of oars and began powerhousing away. The other rowers were caught offguard by this, but shrugged and rowed as well.

"Huh. I never thought Chester would like rowing so much," Sanders mused.

"Chester likes a lot of old-fashioned things, and rowing was once as popular as football is now," Cameron explained.

"How would someone with no life like you know that about 'im?" Sugar asked, confused.

"Well, Mike's lived with my family since fifth grade. Child services rescued him from his original one."

"Really?" Scarlett was intrigued. "His birth parents were unable to provide?"

"More like unwilling. Mike was the result of a one-night-stand, and his mother and stepfather didn't like being reminded of that. In fact, the nature of their abuse is what prompted the birth of all of Mike's personalities. Well, almost all of them; Mal was something else entirely."

"I see."

* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.**

Scarlett lifted her glasses and wiped her eyes. "No one should have to go through that. _No one_."  


* * *

 _Cue montage._

Everyone did their best, rowing with the sweeping current of Lake Huron up the height of the island. Though some did better than others.

 _End montage._

* * *

 _Blue Beetles  
_

Shawn rowed furiously. "C'mon, gotta go faster! I'm only a third done with this race!" he cursed to himself.

"And you're not going to get much further," came a voice. Shawn gulped when he saw the Yellow Yaks' support boat approach his. Alejandro was the one who'd addressed him. "If you don't slow down, we may need to inflict physical harm."

"Nuh-uh! I'm not gonna listen to someone who's done what you did to get this far!" Shawn retorted.

"Perhaps you should. I can ruin you quickly and easily," Alejandro growled.

"I'm a Misfit, you can't ruin what's already at rock bottom!" Shawn rowed a little faster now.

"Have it your way. Fire!" He, Taylor, Miles, and Laurie picked up various rocks they'd stashed at the bottom of the boat and threw them at Shawn, increasing their own speed as they did. But Shawn had extensive training in dodging (so he could escape a zombie horde) and avoided them all. Eventually, he managed to reach the midpoint buoy.

"Hey Shawn!" Owen called from his boat happily.

"Hey Owen!" Shawn ducked and the last of the rocks thrown harmlessly bounced off Owen's body fat before striking Taylor in the face, knocking her down.

Alejandro cursed to himself when he saw this. "That's it! I'm not holding back any more!" He stood up, ready to pounce.

Only to get knocked over by an oar. "Big words for someone with a tiny–" Jasmine began.

"Jasmine! Oh, thank you so much for covering for me!" Shawn exclaimed, cutting her off. "How can I ever repay you?"

"You could win the stupid challenge, that'd be pretty nice!" Jo half-ordered.

"Right, of course." Vigor renewed, he rowed away.

"Wait for me!" Owen cried, frantically trying to follow him.

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

Heather finally made it to the halfway point. "RAUGH! [D word] those idiots! I can't believe the Pigs knew my chest injury would handicap me." Then she saw her team. "What happened?"

"Some of us didn't quite help," Alejandro said quietly, glaring in Lauren's direction. She was supposed to have thrown rocks as well, but hadn't been able to bring herself to do it.

* * *

 **Confessional – Carrie.**

"Poor Lauren. I wouldn't be able to hurt my friends either. I'm glad I decided to row with Devin and Ryan so I didn't have to undermine my alliance."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Lauren.**

Lauren sniffled. "I-I just can't do this anymore..."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.**

Ryan tapped his finger on his chin. "I just can't help but think about what Shawn and Alejandro said back there. Could Al be hiding something from the rest of us? Besides the obvious, I mean."  


* * *

 _Purple Pigs, Cyan Sharks_

"I really don't want to sink you, but you just keep catching up," Zoey said to Geoff. "What's up with that?"

"I'm a surfer, little dudette!" was the reply. "I know a lot about currents, so even if this half's fighting against it I can beat it!"

Zoey noticed something else. "But you didn't know that you're really, really close to the beach." She fired her harpoon gun, letting the tip sink into the sand, and let go. Geoff got dragged to shore and beached. "Good luck!" she called as she left.

Geoff chuckled. "Man, that was pretty clever!" He shoved his boat back into the water, jumped back in, and took off to regain his lead.

* * *

But someone else had gained much more of one. Brady reached the Dock of Shame first. "And the Orange Ocelots win!" Chris announced.

Brady wiped his forehead. "Phew! What a workout!"

"I imagine so. Take five while the other chumps arrive."

"Can I take five too?" Shawn asked as he flopped onto the dock a few seconds after Brady.

"I guess. Blue Beetles in second!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Sky.**

"It's not first, but at least I'm safe. Though to be frank, I'd _really_ love a chance to eliminate Amy."  


* * *

 _Six minutes, fifty-two seconds later  
_

"Purple Pigs in third place!"

"Yes! Safe!" Courtney punched the air as Geoff pulled in to the Dock of Shame, the boat with the rest of his team not far behind.

"How is that something to celebrate? Third is bronze!" Josee panicked.

"Josee, with all due respect, even _I'm_ not that fussy."

"You're right," Duncan said. "You're worse." Courtney fumed and sulked to herself, while Josee chuckled at the sight.

* * *

 **Confessional – Josee.**

"Oh, Courtney, so innocent and young! You don't even realize how much Duncan doesn't love you anymore. But I suppose you'll have to learn that the hard way, and I _so_ look forward to when you do."  


* * *

 _Ten minutes, thirteen seconds later  
_

Owen panted as he pulled into the dock. "Wow, I didn't know you'd make it this far," Chris said, astonished.

"Well, B made the boat really good," Owen began, but that was all he could say before he collapsed from exhaustion. Owen snored heavily while Izzy jumped out of the boat and pulled him ashore, not caring about the coldness of the water at all.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Red Robins have fourth place!"

* * *

 _Three minutes, seven seconds later  
_

"I hope I'm not late," Zoey groaned.

"Nope, you're just in time! Cyan Sharks take fifth. Meaning you won't be eliminating anyone anytime soon."

"Oh, thank god! I was afraid I'd have to eliminate one of my friends!"

"You and me both!" Cameron agreed as he rowed up next to her.

"Green Gators take sixth! Meaning the Yellow Yaks are dead last."

* * *

 _Nine minutes, twenty-four seconds later_

"REALLY dead last," Chris said. Heather finally came to the Dock of Shame.

"Chris, I freaking hate you!" Heather seethed. "Give the person with injured pectorals a challenge that's highly reliant on her arms!"

"Not my intention Heather, but the good news is, you've still got immunity."

"The bad news is, for her at least, she won't tomorrow," Noah pointed out. Heather's eyes shrank when she realized this.

"So you're also safe. Now for our losing, disqualified team. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Yellow Yaks, one of you are getting sunk!"

* * *

Chef retrieved the harpoon gun from the beach and went to put it back. But then he saw something in the woods.

It was the giant purple primate Cody and DJ had seen. He was real, and he was there.

Chef grumbled. "Better take this back before Chris gets tempted to use this on 'im."

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"Okay, next challenge I won't have any immunity. But before that happens, I'll take care of someone who just lost theirs." She wrote LINDSAY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Devin.**

"Alejandro wants Lauren out because she was too afraid about hurting anyone to attack," Devin explained, writing LAUREN on a piece of paper. "Says it'd be better for her if she's not in that position."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Miles.**

"Well, it's the first elimination of the season, and I think it's high time _someone_ goes," Miles said, writing TAYLOR on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Taylor.  
**

" **I** should be the one getting the limelight! Not _her_!" She wrote LINDSAY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Ten marshmallows, half of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to drown you in drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Heather, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, and Laurie." They all got their marshmallows.

Chris pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Alejandro and Miles, you get the first season two blues."

"Ha ha," Miles laughed sardonically.

Next, Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Lindsay, your immunity is over, so you've gotten your first votes on the show." Lindsay gulped.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're outta here. Lauren. Taylor."

Lauren sighed.

"Not the name of a celebrity. Lauren, your shy demeanor means you can't be mean, unlike most of your teammates. Taylor, you're nothing but. With only one more vote...

...

...

...

...

"Looks like Lauren voted for herself, the first such vote in TD history!"

"Wow," Devin said, impressed Alejandro's plan had unexpectedly worked. "You actually voted yourself off?"

"Yeah," Lauren trembled. "I-I'm just not comfortable being here..."

"Don't worry, we won't hold that against you," Ryan said calmly. "We thought you might need a little space. Misfits ain't the only one with your mental health in mind."

 _Excepting me, of course,_ Alejandro thought to himself bitterly.

Still, the Misfits were down another potential ally.

El Coalicion de los Hombres was unstoppable.

* * *

 **Confessional – Justin.**

Justin sighed. "It's this that's why we broke up. Lauren's better off with someone shy and mild, not outspoken and confident. I hope she finds someone like that back home, who truly knows how she feels."  


* * *

"How unforeseen! For those of you who are new to this show," Chris said at the Dock of Shame. "Twenty-two down. Sixty-two remain. Who'll motor into eternal glory and who'll sink like the Titanic? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He turned to leave, but wasn't paying attention to where he was going, and fell into the lake.

"CHEF!"

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Heather – Lindsay  
**

 ** ** **Lindsay – Miles  
******

 ** **Taylor – Lindsay  
****

 ** ** **Alejandro – Lauren  
******

 ** **Devin – Lauren  
****

 ** ** ** **Carrie – Alejandro  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Ryan – Lauren  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Stephanie – Taylor  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Miles – Taylor  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Laurie – Taylor  
****************

 **Lauren – self  
**

 **Results: 4-3-2-1-1 Lauren-Taylor-Lindsay-Alejandro-Miles  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Heather (0)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

Duncan hadn't been too careful about picking up after himself, so his cans of spraypaint were still around. The giant ape picked up an unused orange can and sprayed it on a tree.

The vibrant color immediately reminded him of something and he fled.


	31. 2-2: Full Metal Drama

**Review time!**

 **Lara2244: Yep, Al hates the Misfits a** ** _lot_** **. We'll find out why that is later.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! It's better than it was in TDAS, at least.**

 **StarHeart Specials: Thanks! Sasquatchanakwa's origins are going to be explored very soon. Perhaps if you look in the earlier chapters you'll see something else orange that may be significant...**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I actually mentioned Total Drama Winners back in Episode 1-15; go check that chapter out if you haven't already! And I'll see about looking into those stories. Max won't be the only one to find out the truth about Chris' past. Sammy was not responsible for her birth father's death, but the circumstances of it made Amy subconsciously believe she** ** _was_** **, and their relationship soured from there.**

* * *

 _Wednesday, November 15, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – Season Two followed Season One's example and started off with a challenge involving water! [Geoff rowing confidently] Although it was one of our shorter episodes, we made up for it with all the action! [The Yellow Yaks throwing rocks at Shawn] We decorated wooden rowboats [Gwen's ornate design] that I ranked to give an advantage. [Zoey getting the harpoon gun] Then we raced! The Cyan Sharks [Zoey beaching Geoff] managed to avoid eliminating anyone else, which is good for them because they've lost a lot of people already. But the Yellow Yaks [Jasmine knocking Alejandro over with her oar] weren't so lucky. In a twist, shy girl Lauren did something no one else has had the guts to do before – she voted _herself_ off! [Lauren's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Sixty-two contestants remain. Who will give their tanks for the five million and who will banzai outta here? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

"Okay, we're here," Tyler said. He and Lindsay stood in front of one of the inferior cabins that, due to there being seven teams but ten cabins total, was unoccupied. He knocked on the door.

The door opened just a crack. "And you are?" Eva asked from the other side, only her eye visible.

"Crimson Twist," Tyler said, remembering to use his codename.

"I'm, uh, er...Sunset Daydream?" Lindsay struggled.

"Sun _rise_ Daydream, but close enough." Eva opened the door and they entered, then slammed it shut.

Outside, Jacques and Josee saw that exchange. "What are they up to?" Josee growled.

"I do not know. Let's find out, shall we?" Jacques asked. They slunk over and put their ears against the door.

* * *

Unfortunately for them, this had been anticipated. Inside the cabin, Eva made a gesture with her hand, and Owen and MacArthur nodded. They walked over to the door, planted their butts at the crack, and farted.

* * *

"AGH!" Josee coughed. "It's just not worth it! Let's get out of here!"

"Couldn't agree more!" They fled.

* * *

"Phew! That would've sucked if they'd heard," MacArthur sighed.

"So...why am I here?" Lindsay asked.

"For your initiation, duh!" Izzy cackled.

"It's not anything...awful, is it?"

"Nothing of the kind, miss," Brick replied. "In the social group known as the Misfits, we welcome you with open arms. But in the alliance of the Misfits, codename 'Team E-Scope', you must prove your worth to it in order to join. I'll let our alliance leader Noah fill you in."

Noah approached, looking quite imposing for someone who was only 5'4". Emma, Kitty, Dawn, and Mike flanked him. "Well, Lindsay, you've gotten on our nerves lots of times. But in the Misfits, everyone invariably gets on everyone else's nerves. It's the burden of our diversity, but one we face head-on."

"Uh...thanks, I guess," Lindsay said, scratching her bangs. Now that everyone knew about her injury, she no longer needed to hide it. "What do I have to do?"

"Vote with us," Noah replied simply. "We're going to assign you someone to bump off. Granted, they may not be on your team, and your team might not be the losing one. And someone else may get rid of them for you, in which case we'll simply assign you someone else. Also, your first priority is always winning, so DO NOT throw the challenge so you'll lose."

"I'd never do that! I swear on my sister's hamster's grave!"

"Good. Should you be on the losing team with them, though, we will vote with you together. Your mark is...Brady."

"WHAT?! But Brady's nice!"

"I know, he is," Mike agreed. "But we don't always vote for people because we don't like them. Take Ellody; we voted her out for her own mental health!"

"She _was_ really sad when Chad, er, Chet, got thrown out. Not right away, but still."

"And we're voting Brady out because there are things he needs to know, things he'd only learn by watching the show," Sanders added.

Lindsay nodded. "I think I got it. But what does he need to know?"

"It regards his alliance, _and_ his girlfriend," Emma explained. "Lindsay, who'd you vote for when Beth was eliminated after the eating challenge?"

"Sierra. She's kinda scary."

"Figured as much," Noah said. "Now, that day your team had eleven people, meaning there were eleven possible votes for Beth assuming she voted for herself. You voted for Sierra, so that's ten left to explain."

"DJ, like Ella, does not vote," Dawn continued, "so that's nine."

"Beth was in our alliance, and I voted with her for Taylor," Owen added. "And the Geeks have an agreement with us, so Sam voted for Taylor too. That's six."

"The vote against Alejandro most likely came from Geoff, due to a shared negative history," Brick said. "That means, as Chris himself confirmed, that Beth got five votes. You already know Heather and Taylor dislike her, so that's three left. Topher and Sierra were most likely mad at her for getting away from them during the third VR challenge, so that leaves only one."

Lindsay's eyes grew wide in horror. "Al was the last vote. But...why? I thought he was cool!"

"Alejandro is _evil_ , actually," Eva grunted. "He hides his true nature so he can get ahead by lying. Of his alliance, only Duncan knows."

"And why Brady?" Noah asked rhetorically. "Well, Duncan's likely to get votes no matter what. Carrie has a painfully obvious crush on Devin–"

"Hey!"

"It's true! Anyway, that means Devin's off-limits. Ditto Ryan because we think we could make a deal with Stephanie if we promise not to vote for him. And Alejandro usually doesn't get as many votes as we'd like him to. Thus, Brady's the only safe option."

"I wasn't happy when I found out about Al's real face," Owen reflected, "but when Beth left I realized that was the only thing that made sense. Lindsay, think about it; don't you want Brady to know the truth too?"

"Yeah, I do," Lindsay said, paused in thought. She breathed. "Okay. I'll try."

"Good to hear," Emma smiled. "Don't worry, you're gonna do great. Trust me on this."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Okay everybody!" Chris announced. "I want you to break into your teams from the third challenge." They did.

"Uh, can this challenge go quickly? I have a test on WW1 tomorrow," Devin asked.

"Funny you should say that, Devin, because war is the theme of today's challenge!"

Brick's eyes lit up when he heard this.

"Today will be our first four-part challenge. First, you must jump from your designated jet into a ball pit. There will be a couch in the middle and whoever lands on the couch becomes team captain for the day. Don't worry, you all get parachutes.

"Next, you're going to use paintballs to make a creative explosion of color. The paint is color-coded: pink for the Amazons, blue for I'm Super Delicious, [everyone cringed when he said that], and orange for Victory. Whoever makes the best art gets an advantage in part three.

"The last part is a game of capture the flag, but instead of a flag, I have this!" Chris pulled out a wooden treasure chest. "What's in the Chest of Untold Secrets? Is it an angry mutant, a wad of cash, or is it an immunity idol? To find out you gotta play keepaway until I call time. Whoever has the chest at the end wins!

"But to determine our losing team, I've devised one more challenge: trench digging! You need to dig a trench deep enough to hide Jasmine, our tallest contestant at 6'5". Whoever finishes it first gains safety; whoever can't eliminates someone. Good luck!"

* * *

 **Team Amazon: Cody, Heather, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Jasmine, Eva, Dawn, Emma, Kitty, Zoey, Sanders, MacArthur, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Ella, Sky, Sugar, and Carrie.**

 **Team CIRRRRH: Tyler, Izzy, Owen, Alejandro, Duncan, Noah, Trent, Topher, Tom, Jen, Crimson, Ennui, Justin, Jo, B, Beardo, Cameron, Devin, Ryan, Stephanie, Brick, Mike, and Dave.**

 **Team Victory: Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Bridgette, Lindsay, Sammy, Amy, Lorenzo, Scarlett, Geoff, Brady, Lightning, Shawn, Taylor, Jacques, Josee, Sam, and Jay.**

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

Everyone had gotten into their respective planes and was waiting for them to get in range. "Say Kitty, what are the odds we end up with all-female captains?" MacArthur asked.

"Unless Cody gets really lucky, _we're_ definitely gonna have one," Kitty replied.

"Yeah, _me_ ," Heather gloated. Once their plane was in position, they all jumped. And Heather...

Did not land on the couch.

"Maybe save the confidence for a challenge _not_ dependent on random chance," Gwen smirked. Her expression changed. "But who's our captain?"

"I believe I am," Ella replied. She was the only one of her team to land on the couch. "Never fear though, I will leave the planning of violence to you."

"Fine by me," Eva shrugged.

Behind them, Sugar spat out a red plastic ball and glared daggers at Ella. "I'll get you yet," she promised.

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

"Owen's most likely going to be our captain because if he aims himself at the couch, he'll have a higher chance of hitting it because he's bigger than all of us," Topher mused. "Not that _I_ wouldn't want to be the captain of Chris' flagship team."

"At least _you_ would be better than that butter boy," Alejandro muttered to himself. Once the ball pit was in sight, everyone jumped. But it was Owen's significant other that made the cut rather than Owen himself.

"Ah-HAH! Finally IZZY has the power now!" the Psycho Hose Beast declared. "Hey, why am I a 'Psycho Hose Beast'?"

 **"Don't you remember that Halloween costume you made in second grade?"** someone _very_ important asked from offscreen.

"Oh yeah! That was fun! Still don't get why it got me a lifetime ban from Home Depot though."

* * *

 **Confessional – Justin.**

"I'm surprised she didn't get banned for _two_."

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"Bad luck's gonna fail me now," Jay said to himself. He took a deep breath and jumped with his team. He landed just an inch away from the edge of the pit. "Wow, that could've hurt a lot worse than it _did_!" he said in amazement, which is when fate gave in to temptation and dropped DJ on him.

Lindsay landed with a _ploof_ on the couch. "Wait, so am I like the boss or something?" she asked.

"Looks like it," Sam said. He set his hand down and felt something hairy. "Wait, is there a rat in here?!"

"I have a NAME, you know!" Amy roared as she burst out from underneath him, plastic balls flying everywhere. Then she froze. "Wait, did I just call myself a rat?" Behind her, Sammy giggled, no longer fearing Amy's reactions.

"And I guess," Lindsay realized, "that this makes _me_ Admiral Lindsay Her Hotness!"

"Lindsay, I don't think any of these challenges will involve water," Harold piped up.

"We don't know that! Chris has a magic remote that can make anything we say real!"

"True," Harold admitted.

* * *

"Okay, now that we've all decided on who your captains are, it's time to explain part two's rules!" Chris announced. "You will each be given paint bombs and an air-powered charger. Points will be rewarded for how creative the stain in the ground turns out. You can increase the size of the boom by pumping more air into the charger, but you may lose creativity points depending on how much each paint bomb's range overlaps with those of its compadres. Sound good? Then get to it!"

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

"I think I proved my art skills last time, so I should take the lead on this one," Duncan said.

Izzy scoffed. "Why? So you can make another skull?"

"No! ...Yes. But so what? At least I'm not a nutjob who's part of an enormous alliance!"

"Well ain't _that_ hypocritical," Noah quipped, earning some stunned gasps from those still unaware of the existence of the Guy's Alliance.

"As our captain," Izzy continued, "I think _I_ should be the one," she started giggling madly, "to take on the explosion!"

"You can at least let us _place_ them," Stephanie grunted.

"Yeah, okay, that's fair. Explosivo never liked the boring parts anyway. It's all about that _boom-boom-BOOM!_ "

"...Explosivo?" Devin asked himself after the team parted ways.

Noah noticed and took a chance to weaken Alejandro's grip on him. "You know how Izzy becomes someone else if she uses all her intellect? Same's true if she completely gives in to her psychosis. This state is codenamed 'Explosivo', and surprisingly, is male. And yes, Izzy doesn't have MPD."

"Wow," Devin pondered. "She's messed up!"

"I know. Her parents were even worse. That's why she got fostered with Eva's family at a young age."

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"Everyone, I'm ready to make our plan!" Lindsay announced, having found an admiral's cap and coat.

"Where'd she get the uniform?" Shawn asked himself.

"I think that artsy people like Leshawna should be the ones like, arranging the stuff. Smart people like Scarlett and Sam should be the ones making sure the charger works right."

"A wise choice, but what about the rest of us?" Jacques asked, irritated.

"Yeah! Sha-Lightning could own this challenge!" Lightning agreed.

"I need you to keep the chest on our side in the next part," Lindsay explained.

"Ah! You're keeping us from overexerting ourselves," Jacques nodded. "You know, you're much smarter than you've been before."

"Well, before I didn't feel good about myself enough to try," Lindsay replied simply.

As everyone began to part, Lindsay made another smart move. "Bridgette? DJ? Harold? Leshawna? Can I talk to you guys? Like, alone?"

* * *

"Sure. What is it?" Bridgette asked once everyone else was out of earshot.

"I've been told to vote Brady off, and...I just can't help but wonder, am I doing the right thing?"

"I think it depends on your reasons," Leshawna stated. "What're yours?"

"We need to make it so Jalapeño, er, Alejandro, has less people voting with him. And we want Brady to know why Beth's gone."

"Geoff _did_ mention he suspected one of the votes for Beth came from him," Bridgette murmured.

"So I think it's alright, in this case," Leshawna decided. "I mean, I'm a free spirit so I'm not gonna join an alliance anytime soon, but I think I can vote with you guys this time."

"I actually _am_ in one, and so's Bridgette," Harold added. "She can convince Geoff and I can convince my friends if we're all on the same team as him."

"Yeah!" Bridgette agreed.

"And I may not vote, but I'll spread the word if needed!" DJ finished.

Lindsay smiled. "I officially declare the Triumph Deal made!"

* * *

"How fittingly named! Hopefully it's not gonna come in play today," Chris said. "But only time will tell, right? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Our contestants have been working hard to come up with a good piece of paint bomb art. And now it's time to see what they've come up with. We're going smallest team to biggest, so Team Victory is up first!"

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"Get in positions!" Lindsay ordered. Scarlett and Harold did so. "Fire in three...two...one!"

The Mad Scientist and the Dweeb pushed down the plunger's handle. The paintballs burst, fine orange mist drifting lazily in the cold fall air. When the air cleared, Team Victory's artwork was revealed to be an orange stereotypical asterid flower.

"Hm...kinda average, but I know what it is, at least," Chris said. "Team Amazon, you're next!"

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

Although they hadn't been seen in the earlier montage, Team Amazon had been working very hard. MacArthur set off the paint bombs to paint the dead ground pink. Their artwork was a music staff with notes.

"Not bad! What's the piece?" Chris asked.

"It's the first few measures of our theme song," Ella explained.

"Well I'll be. This must've taken a LOT of effort! You're in the lead for now! But now it's time for Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot!"

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

Izzy alone was dangerous. Izzy with explosives, even if they did lack the flaming aspect, was even worse. She cackled madly and raised the plunger to its maximum height before shoving it down. A big splat of blue was left over.

"...Is this some abstract representation of thought?" Chris asked, confused.

"No, it's supposed to be a soccer ball," Tyler replied. "I guess Izzy must've put too much air into the charger."

"And that's why we can't have nice things!" Chris decided. "Team Me's in last place! Since Team Amazon won this part, they get an advantage!" He handed Gwen a key. "The Chest of Untold Secrets will stay that way unless it's opened. But it's locked shut, so if Gwen gets the chest, she can open it herself and automatically win it for her team. Teams CIRRRRH and Victory will need to figure out their own ways to open it."

B, unbeknownst to him, quickly sketched the contours of the key's teeth so he could make a duplicate.

"Wow. Okay then. Guess I should hide it, then," Gwen mused.

"Not really. Any attempts to steal the key from you will disadvantage them in the trench digging."

"I didn't know you could be that nice, Chris."

"Nice? You failed to keep Heather from finding her immunity idol, and I don't want that to happen again." Gwen grimaced.

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"For those of you wondering why I hate Chris, that. That moment right there is the reason why."

* * *

"And now it's time for part three, so find your safehouses because you're gonna need them!"

"Especially because of how cold it is," Dave shivered.

"Oh grow up," Duncan growled.

"The chest will be placed in Zata Clearing. Once I blow the horn, you're gonna start!"

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

Team Amazon had chosen the Mess Hall as their safe place. It was warm, spacious, and best of all they could break out Chef if things got too hairy.

"Alright, so which one of us is headin' out?" Jasmine asked.

"Hm..." Ella thought. "I think it'd have to be someone who can deal with being in low temperatures for prolonged periods of time."

"When you put it that way, I'm not sure I wanna go up against Jacques and Josee," Kitty murmured.

"Me either," Cody agreed.

"Don't worry! I can do it for you, my darling Codykins!" Sierra gushed. Cody sighed in disappointment.

"Me too. I'm from Minnesota originally, so I think I could try to help," Zoey added.

"Excellent!" Ella smiled.

* * *

Sierra and Zoey crept forward, inching towards the now-barren Zata Clearing, the blueberry bushes devoid of any life they'd had in the summer. "It's just sitting there. That can't be a good sign," Sierra murmured, shaking her head.

"What do you mean?"

"There's probably a trap somewhere nearby. Something we'd never see coming..."

And then it sprung. The two girls had been hiding behind a tree just outside the clearing, and were now dangling from it in a net.

"Like this?" Zoey asked.

"Yeah, like this."

"Sorry ladies, but that chest is as good as ours," Noah said, nonchalantly emerging from behind another tree and picking up the chest.

"But you can't open it! Nuh-uh, Gwen's got the only key!" Sierra taunted.

"Who says I needed the original? B drew its schematics and is fashioning a duplicate as we speak. So no, I think you guys are gonna need to toss someone. Perhaps Heather, now that her immunity's gone."

Sierra struggled against the ropes. "And don't think you can cut yourself free. I had Topher steal anything you could use for that while you weren't looking." The girls saw Topher sneak away with a nail file (Zoey's) and a Swiss Army knife, can opener, and industrial-grade scissors (Sierra's).

"Well, I guess I'll see you guys try to dig a dumb hole later," Noah said. "Ta-ta for now." He left, smirking.

"Oh, he's _good_ ," Zoey said in shock.

"Ohhh, I can't _believe_ Cody let him kiss his ear," Sierra fumed. Zoey looked at the viewer with a disturbed look on her face.

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

"I've got the chest, guys," Noah said as he entered their safehouse, the washroom.

"Great!" Trent exclaimed. "B, is the key done yet?"

B nodded his head enthusiastically and pulled out the key, which he'd made from a small piece of sheet metal left over from building the bikes.

"That's great! Now let's open the chest and see what that secret is."

"Oh, but I think _we_ want to know that more," Jacques said as he plowed through, knocking Noah over and snatching the chest as it was momentarily flung into the air. Josee appeared from behind B and slugged him in the face before grabbing the key while he was down.

"I hate them _so. Much_ ," Jen growled as the evil couple left.

"B, are you okay?" Owen asked. B nodded as he rubbed the emerging bruise on his right cheek. "Little buddy?"

"I've been worse," was Noah's strained reply.

"He's fine!" Owen announced.

"How fast can you make a new key?" Jo asked B. B held up seven fingers, then made a single sweeping circular, clockwise motion. "Seven minutes?" B nodded. "That's good! Now let's see if we can't take the chest back from the ice nerds. What say you, captain?"

Izzy cackled madly. "Permission granted."

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"We are unstoppable!" Jacques exclaimed. Team Victory's safehouse, the Drama Gym, was in sight.

" _Oui oui_! I think the other teams can stand to lose a few _cochones_ , _non_?" Josee asked, grinning with evil glee.

"I certainly do! Why not vote off MacArthur, or Dawn?"

"Or best of all, their ringleaders?"

Needless to say, neither of them liked Noah or Emma.

Also needless to say, karma kicked them right back to the start as soon as they'd said so.

MacArthur tripped them moments before they could enter the gym and snatched the chest. "Booyah! Geeze Dawn, how'd you know they'd be over here?"

"A lucky guess. I simply figured that some of them might've played into their own hubris," Dawn replied gently.

"And it worked like a charm," Emma finished. "Good job, girls. Let's get this back where it belongs: with us."

As MacArthur and Dawn left, Emma turned back to face down her downed enemies and had only this to say:

"I warned you about messing with my friends."

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

"Shoot, we gotta move!" MacArthur gulped. Alejandro and Sam were closing in on her and the other two girls, trying to get the chest back.

Over at the front door of the mess hall, Courtney and Gwen stood. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Gwen asked.

"We gotta get the chest back fast, and there's only one way to do it," Courtney replied. "And it's up to my freaky, disproportionate CIT strength to get it done."

Gwen grinned. _"Do it."_

Courtney did, picking up Gwen with one arm and throwing her like a human javelin. The Snarky Goth opened her arms and legs. "Now, MacArthur!"

"Oh! New plan, guys!" MacArthur hefted the chest into the air. Gwen caught it, and was caught herself by Sky.

"You're stronger than you look," Gwen noted as she was set down.

"Why thank you," Sky bowed.

"And time!" Chris' voice came over the loudspeakers. "Team Amazon kept the chest in the end, so they win! Let's meet back up and open that sucker!"

"Wait, aren't we missing a few people?" Emma asked.

* * *

"HELP!" Zoey wailed.

"Oh, hey guys," Eva said as she approached the tree. She punched it and caught the net when it fell off the branch. "We won, by the way."

"Goody! Now I get to sleep in the extra-long beds again!" Sierra sighed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"I'm not _the_ tallest contestant here, but I'm 6'1" so I need a little more wiggle room than most of the others, and the only extra-long beds are in the good cabin," Sierra explained. "I used to really idolize Chris, but now that I've actually gotten to know him for the last few months I can't help but notice he's a lot less...nice than I thought he'd be. Also shorter."

* * *

"Ella, would you do your team the honor of opening the Chest of Untold Secrets?" Chris asked.

"I certainly would." Ella took the key from Gwen and opened the chest.

Inside of it was...

...

...

...

...

...a bunch of air.

"WHAT?!" Duncan shrieked. "There's NOTHING in there!"

"Exactly!" Chris smirked. "The untold secret is that I'm way too lazy to actually come up with something good."

Everyone stared at him. "What?"

"Chris, that's...not exactly a secret," Bridgette explained.

"Is it now? Hm. Well, at any rate, Team Amazon wins today and gets to sit out from the final part of today's challenge! The rest of you, meet me behind the good cabin. Chef's gonna bring the shovels."

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

"So, are you and Heather friends? I'm just wondering," Gwen said. She and Courtney were in the good cabin, waiting for their coffee to finish.

"Not really. Heather wanted me with her because she needed someone to keep tabs on everyone else. I'm the eyes and ears of Heather's Devils."

"And I suppose Heather's the mouth." They laughed.

"I didn't approve of what Scott did, by the way," Courtney added. "He went too far. What did Dawn ever do to deserve his anger?"

"From what I gather, Scott thinks Dawn's claiming to be magical when she isn't. Honestly, why hasn't anyone suggested telling him that 'aura reading' is just Dawn's shorthand for her synesthesia?"

"I dunno."

Silence.

"Gwen?"

"Yeah?"

"I like you."

"Oh. Me too, Courtney. Me too."

* * *

 **Confessional – Katie.**

"Remember that time Courtney denied liking girls back in the disaster challenge?" Katie asked the viewer. The camera nodded. "I didn't buy it for a second. As a bisexual girl, I can kinda tell who's straight and who isn't. And seeing that her relationship with Duncan's probably not gonna last much longer, I think Courtney should go for Gwen ASAP!"

* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH, Victory_

"Okay maggots, here's what we're doin'!" Chef announced. He threw a large number of shovels at them; not all of them got caught. "For the final part of this challenge, you have five minutes to dig a trench. Whichever one gets the closest OR past this mark," he showed them an eight-foot-tall wooden board with a black stripe of paint at Jasmine's height, "wins. Whoever doesn't has to vote someone out. This will provide the added benefit of digging up most of the lustblossoms so they aren't around to screw us up come spring." He pulled out a stopwatch. "Begin!"

* * *

"Hey Mike, wouldn't Manitoba be pretty good for this challenge?" Tyler asked.

"He would! Jen, Tom, fedora me!"

"Right behind you, friend!" Tom agreed, throwing him a fedora. Mike put it on and summoned the archaeologist.

"Cor, mates!" Manitoba said brightly. "Don't worry, we'll have this trench dug in a jiff!" He immediately began digging.

"Why there?" Devin asked.

"Because that's where the dirt is weakest," Alejandro murmured in amazement. "Well, let us not just stand there. Let's dig!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"I am SO gonna be happy when that smug sack of crap is voted out."

* * *

Eventually, the clock ticked down. "Time's up! Now let's see which hole's deeper." He prodded the stick into Team CIRRRRH's hole, half of it disappearing. "Not bad, halfway down. Team Overconfident, your turn now." He poked it down but only a fifth of the stick made it down; the spot they'd been digging through was frozen more thoroughly that Team CIRRRRH's was. "Well, you lose."

"Ah, nuts," Harold said, pretending he wasn't upset that he now had a chance to weaken Alejandro's, and by extension his sworn enemy Duncan's, power.

"Well, looks like Team Me is safe!" Chris announced. "Team Victory, you've already lost a lot of people, and it's time to lose some more. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Team Victory, time to give someone the twenty-one gun salute!"

So everyone set off to prepare their votes.

* * *

 _Surfer Dudes United_

"Brady?" Geoff asked, a bit surprised.

"Remember when Beth got eliminated?"

"Yeah?"

"Who do you think's responsible?"

Geoff's eyes narrowed. "Alright, Bridge. I'm gonna do it. Al disrespected a code of a different sort: never harm anyone's significant other if they didn't do anything bad to you."

* * *

 _Prescott Twins_

"Samey, I think we should both vote for that dorkwad Harold," Amy griped. "Seriously, who wears a hamburger on their shirt?"

"He does," Sammy replied.

Amy cocked an eyebrow, a bit surprised at actually getting a response. "...What?"

"Amy, you can vote for whomever you want. But don't make _me_ vote with you. I am _sick_ of having to deal with your BS. Me, I'm voting for Jacques because I'm pretty sure he masterminded the assault on Team CIRRRRH that led to both Noah and B getting hurt. You're welcome to change your vote if you like." She left.

Amy's jaw dropped, but she quickly regained her composure. "Well, fine! But don't come crying to me if you get yourself voted off!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Harold.**

"Statistically, we're likely to get about eight votes for Brady," Harold explained. "Given who else is on my team, that should be enough." He wrote BRADY on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.**

"Jacques' plan to acquire the chest and key was unnecessarily violent and ultimately unsuccessful," Scarlett said. "And I feel it's high time one of those pretentious, stuck-up bullies got what they deserve." She wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Lorenzo.**

"Amy's got a lot of issues that I think she needs to work out at home," Lorenzo said as he wrote AMY on a piece of paper. "Plus we gotta keep this gag going."

* * *

 **Confessional – Lightning.**

"If I can get one of those sha-stupid pain attractors out, then I can certainly do it for the other," Lightning said as he wrote JAY on a piece of paper.

* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Eighteen marshmallows stood on the plate, an even third of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got in the war of drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Leshawna, Bridgette, Lindsay, Sammy, Lorenzo, Scarlett, Geoff, Lightning, Shawn, Taylor, Josee, and Sam."

"Uh-oh, I think I know what this means," DJ gulped.

Chris pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. So Harold and Jay, come on up." The two boys, a junior and a sophomore, did so.

Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. DJ has two votes, his first ever, and Amy also has two, _not_ her first ever."

"DON'T remind me," Amy sulked.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're done. Brady. Jacques."

Brady looked confused.

"Brady, you're loyal to a fault. And some people think that that's a fault. Jacques, your temper and scheming haven't earned you the best rep. With three votes for him...

...

...

...

...

"Jacques is safe!"

"...Wait, why _me_? What did I ever do to anyone?" Brady asked.

"You'll see, brah," Geoff apologized. "Sorry, but it's like, the only way we can get you to see some important stuff."

"Now I'm just curious. I'll take you up on that offer, dude," Brady said.

* * *

 **Confessional – Lindsay.**

"Yay! I did it! Admiral Lindsay Her Hotness has scored a victory! Whoop WHOOP!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

" _QUE?_ " Alejandro screamed. "My alliance, down by a fifth!" He groaned. "Brady was my most loyal follower. And with him gone...I've got less protection. I. HATE. THE. **MISFITS**."

* * *

"He's not the only one," Chris said. He stood outside the paint splatters. "Twenty-three down. Sixty-one remain. Who'll win the battle and who'll be taken as a prisoner of loserdom? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Then he noticed a paintball on Team CIRRRRH's art that hadn't broken yet. He picked it up...and _then_ it broke, covering his hand in blue. Chris grimaced at the camera.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Harold – Brady**

 **Leshawna – Brady**

 **DJ – Didn't vote**

 **Bridgette – Brady**

 **Lindsay – Brady**

 **Sammy – Jacques**

 **Amy – Harold**

 **Lorenzo – Amy**

 **Scarlett – Jacques**

 **Geoff – Brady**

 **Brady – Jacques**

 **Lightning – Jay**

 **Shawn – Brady**

 **Taylor – Amy**

 **Jacques – DJ**

 **Josee – DJ**

 **Sam – Brady**

 **Jay – Brady**

 **Results: 8-3-2-2-1-1 Brady-Jacques-Amy-DJ-Harold-Jay**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Noah looked at Lindsay, then stuck out his hand. "You've done it. Welcome to the Misfit Mega-Alliance." Lindsay smiled, shook his hand, and then hugged him. Right between her mega-breasts of death. "Gack! Lindsay, _please_!"

"Oops. Sorry Noah," Lindsay said sheepishly, releasing him. Noah coughed as he recovered.

"Besides, he and you both have your _own_ significant others," Emma said, helping her boyfriend up.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me! Emma, I heard about what happened at your old school..." And then she hugged Emma. "You need one of these, too." She let go and happily skipped off.

"Are you crying?" Noah asked, seeing the Uptight New Kid's touched expression.

"No! I'm just sweating with my eyes!"

"That's biologically impossible, and you know it. Don't worry Em, we'll get through this together."

Emma dried her eyes and punched his shoulder playfully. "Dork."

"Takes one to know one."


	32. 2-3: Jamaica Me Sweat

**Review time!**

 **Lara2244: Completely unintentional, but great that you noticed!**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! Yeah, I've been slowed down by crap in my universe, but I'll try to keep a regular schedule. I had to include Admiral Lindsay Her Hotness because that persona appeared in the original and it just made sense, and she'll be lasting into the end of Season Three at least! THD!Courtney _is_ bi, but she's less closeted and more oblivious; she's spent so much of her life worrying about perfection in her academics that she's never stopped to consider her own orientation, so she assumes she's straight because the majority of people (about 89%) are, and initially she thought that any other orientation would make her seem like less. I do ship Gwourtney and THD!Gwen's also bi, and yes, the Gwuncan thing will be handled MUCH better than it was in canon.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! Yeah, I had to include that because it was funny. XD I really like evolving the cast beyond their archetypes, and Lindsay and Sammy's personal growth reflects this. Aftermath IV's coming up next!**

 **Concerned Fan: First of all, the five replaced were not OCs but background characters. Total Drama's cast of extras is big enough that OCs feel redundant. Second, THD!Max isn't actually evil, just a tad troubled, but what Chris is hiding is actually a bit standard for a TV host; more on that next chapter. And thanks for the support for the ships!**

* * *

 _Saturday, November 18, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – war! [the paint bombs exploding] HUH! [MacArthur tripping Jacques and Josee] What is it good for? [DJ landing on Jay] My personal amusement, come on, I'll say it again! Our last challenge was themed on war and since war takes many forms, so did we! We chose our captains by skydiving onto a couch! [Ella, Izzy, and Lindsay being the only ones to succeed] Next, we made art using paint bombs, ranked on creativity. [The pieces of art] Team Amazon's was the best, so they got a bit of a head start on the third part: keeping the Chest of Untold Secrets in their possession! [Zoey and Sierra getting caught by Noah's trap] And eventually, they did! [Courtney and Gwen's plan] After learning what the secret was [the chest is empty] the remaining two teams had to dig trenches! [Manitoba coming out] And Team Me got the closest to the objective. Team Victory's eliminee was anyone's guess, but Lindsay wanted her Misfit Membership _bad_! [Meeting of the Misfits] I can't understand why, but she got it when she ripped out one of Alejandro's star pawns: Brady. [Brady's elimination]"

Pan out to reveal Chris was on a plane. "Today we're doing something different. Earlier today, we broke our contestants into the four teams from the mining challenge. Why? Simple. Each eighth challenge is a Total Drama Field Trip to a location that isn't disclosed... _yet_." Chris got up from his chair and stretched open his arms widely. "Sixty-one contestants remain. Who will bob and weave to victory and who'll wait for daylight to come, 'cuz they're gonna go home? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Stunning Sapphires_

"Man, it's so hot in here," Geoff panted, pausing to take off his hat to wipe the sweat off his brow. Inside the plane it was sweltering. Everyone had changed back to their summer clothes and it was still blisteringly hot.

"I know," Gwen agreed. "Think Chris is taking us somewhere near the equator so he can keep milking outdoor challenges?"

"Probably," Sam said. He groaned.

"Ice packs, anyone?" Everyone looked up to see Dakota approaching, a bucket of ice packs in her hands. "I know I'm technically not allowed to help you, but we had a lot of these, and I don't want anyone to get heatstroke."

"Your subterfuge is much appreciated," Sam laughed, glady taking one of the packs and placing it on his stomach. "Ahhh..." His teammates followed suit.

"So Dakota, you know where we're going?" Zoey asked.

"Jamaica."

"Well, looks like you're right, Gwen," Geoff said. The plane finally landed.

"And it looks like I need help," Tyler said. "I sweat so much my butt's stuck to the seat!" He struggled to get up.

"Oh my, me too!" Owen agreed. The sight was not one most people would want to see.

"Lightweights," Noah said to himself. His parents, being native Indians, had passed their heat tolerance down to him.

* * *

 **Radiant Rubies:** **Izzy, Jo, Heather, Courtney, Jacques, Josee, Miles, Laurie, Sierra, Leshawna, Cody, Harold,** **Beardo,** **Amy, Sammy, and MacArthur.**

 **Stunning Sapphires:** **Noah, Owen, Ennui, Sam, Zoey, Mike, Geoff, Ella, Lightning, Gwen, Katie, Sadie, Tyler, Dawn, and Lindsay.**

 **Daring Diamonds: Jen, Tom, Lorenzo, Alejandro, Devin, Ryan, Duncan, Emma, Trent, Stephanie, Topher, Shawn, Bridgette, and Jasmine.**

 **Excellent Emeralds: Sugar, Scarlett,** **Sky, Justin, Eva, Carrie, Sanders, Brick, B, Crimson, Kitty, Cameron, Jay, Dave, Taylor, and DJ.**

* * *

"Well hello there everybody!" Chris announced once everyone was out of the planes.

"Uh, dude, how are you in your normal clothes in this weather?" Ryan asked, bewildered.

"As a host, he has to be able to withstand any outfit, any temperature," Topher replied.

"Right you are!" Chris replied cheerfully.

Or _was_ it Chris?

* * *

"Day forty and they STILL don't know about the robots," Chris said, back in his mansion back home. Specifically, he was naked in the hot tub.

"And a very good thing for our competing chumps indeed!" Blaineley, also in the tub, agreed. The dark couple looked into each others eyes and began fervently making out.

Luckily, the camera cut out before the fullness of their exploits could be seen by the audience (who would no doubt be very, very, _very_ disgusted).

* * *

"We're here in this former colony of Spain, which was then stolen by England, for our third Field Trip. Specifically, we're at Doctor's Cave Beach in Montego Bay, the capital of St. James parish. A place I think DJ's quite familiar with, no?"

"Well, yeah, my parents were born here," DJ said, almost wistfully. "Kinda wish I knew my dad more though."

"What do you mean?" Cody asked.

"He passed when I was four. Hereditary stomach cancer. S'why I try to eat right as much as I can."

"Oh, DJ, that's so sad!" Dawn whimpered, hugging his waist. DJ patted her head.

"I know that feeling," Sammy nodded sympathetically. "My own dad died around the same time. Your mom remarry? I don't mean to insinuate anything, I'm just curious," she added hastily.

"Momma felt it'd be better to keep his memory in her so she'd have something to keep her goin', so no," DJ replied.

"Blah blah blah BLAH, can we move on now?" Chris asked impatiently. "It's a twenty-two-minute show and we're wasting airtime!"

"Okay, FINE, you heartless [di word]," Heather growled.

* * *

 **Confessional – Chef.**

"Chris never really liked sentimentality for as long as I've known him," Chef said, shaking his head.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.**

"That. Was. UNCALLED FOR! Such a touching story, and McLame-o stomps all over it! Again!" Amy was on the brink of tears. "I-I miss Dad so much...why'd Samey have to make him leave?..."  


* * *

"Well then. I assume you're familiar with Jamaica being an island nation?" Chris asked.

"Yup," Sam said.

"Pretty sure," Cody agreed.

"Then you know that it's completely surrounded by the Caribbean sea! And that's where we're doing the first part of today's challenge. I've taken the Chef medallions from the last time you were in these four teams and turned them into karaoke chains!"

"What's a karaoke chain?" Lindsay asked.

"A gold necklace you wear while doing karaoke, duh! Anyhow, half of your team is gonna dive down into the water to rescue these chains from saltwater damage! And yes, I know gold doesn't corrode easily, but I don't wanna take any chances. _Any_.

"The other half of your team will do something very different. Since Jamaica is the homeland of Rastafarianism, the people who don't swim are gonna make their own religions. The best religion will be determined by how many people of the other teams want to convert."

"What if you're an atheist?" Noah asked.

"You guys won't be counted in the final score, but that's not gonna affect any of the teams. Which reminds me, all ye nonbelievers step forth!" Noah, Emma, Kitty, Cody, Sam, Cameron, Harold, Mike, Scarlett, Sammy, Amy, Duncan, Gwen, Sanders, B, MacArthur, and Tyler stepped forward.

"You too?" Mike asked Tyler, confused.

"If there _were_ a god or something in charge of the universe, then I wouldn't get hurt as much as I do," Tyler explained.

"That's fair."

"And any and all agnostics, please step forward! You guys are gonna count in the score, but only for half a point." Owen, Izzy, Lindsay, Justin, Ella, Jasmine, Shawn, Courtney, Beardo, Geoff, Bridgette, Zoey, Brick, Eva, and Dawn did so.

"WHAT? How come there are so many of you heathens?!" Sugar exclaimed.

"You _do_ know Canada's _way_ more secular than the US, right?" Gwen replied.

"She does now," Duncan smirked.

Gwen chuckled. "I guess she does."

"Both of y'all goin' to [h word]," Sugar grumbled.

The robot Chris didn't react to that. "The religion with the greatest number of followers wins! Faith with the least loses. Whichever of the teams pulls out the most chains at the end of part one will actually get to write theirs down so they'll seem more convincing."

"I never thought you'd do a challenge this heavily focused on thought, Chris," Harold noted.

"It's because the original second part didn't get clearance from the network's lawyers. Like, how do _they_ know my bobsled into an empty pool would be dangerous?"

The entire cast looked at the camera, concerned.

* * *

 _Radiant Rubies  
_

"So...who wants to jump into the water and fight sharks, stingrays, and jellyfish?" Courtney asked.

"When you put it _that_ way, NOT me," Heather snorted. "Besides, I think I'd make a _perfect_ high priestess."

"What? No! People should be putting their faith in ME!" Amy snapped back.

"Do recall I'm _your_ leader back home, Amelia." Amy immediately shut up when Heather dared to utter her real name.

"Guys, can we _please_ stop fighting?" Cody pleaded. "I think the best way to do this would be to flip a coin. Whoever gets heads uses their head to think up our religion, and whoever gets tails has to protect theirs from the sea life. Sound fair?"

"Hm...I normally don't say this, but I agree with the geek," Jacques said finally.

"Uh, just so we're clear, I wanna do the underwater part," Jo piped up.

"That's fine. Anyone got spare change we can use?"

"This brother can spare a dime," Beardo quipped as he pulled one out of his shorts pocket. He flipped it, then made a cartoon crashing noise when it landed. "I got tails. Looks like Jo's gonna have some company."

Jo nodded. "Good to have you on my side, Misfit. Good to have you on my side."

* * *

 **End result of the Radiant Ruby selection process:  
**

 **Divers:** ** _Izzy_ , Jo, _Courtney_ , Laurie, Leshawna, ****_Beardo_ , [** **Amy], and [MacArthur].**

 **Prophets: Heather, Jacques, Josee, Miles, Sierra, [Cody], [Harold], and [Sammy].**

 **Key: brackets are the nonreligious (not counted in score), italics are agnostic (half a point only).**

* * *

 _Stunning Sapphires  
_

"Okay, there's fifteen of us here. Not lethal, but one of the teams is gonna have to be bigger than the other one," Noah began.

"Maybe the diving sub-team should have more people so we can get more chains," Sadie suggested.

"Good call. In that case, it's time I got over my aversion to physical activity." Noah took off his shirt. "I'm going for a swim. You too, Owen, you need a bath. _Badly_."

"Dude, that's a big scar," Geoff winced on seeing the mark left over from the dodgeball incident.

"And now you know why I hate physical activity. But Geoff, _you_ like the water a lot. So you're coming with me. Ditto Tyler, Dawn, Sam, Gwen, and Lightning."

"Sha-bam!"

"Say that again and I'm gonna sha-bam _you_ ," Gwen grumbled.

"Everyone else, you're doing the religion. We'll try to get that as-yet-undetermined advantage, alright?"

"Fine by me, my makeup's saltwater-soluble," Ennui replied.

* * *

 **Confessional – Ennui.**

"And I don't think that the world's ready for my face-reveal _just_ yet."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Lightning.**

"That bear woman Eva spared Lightning no details in Noah's sha-old injury," Lightning explained. "Maybe Lightning was too hard on Noah that day. Or maybe Lightning wasn't hard enough on him. It's a fine line."  


* * *

 ** **End result of the Stunning Sapphire selection process:****

 **Divers: [Noah], _Owen_ , [Sam], _Geoff_ , Lightning, [Gwen], [Tyler], and _Dawn_.  
**

 **Prophets: Ennui, _Zoey_ , [Mike], _Ella_ , Katie, Sadie, and _Lindsay_.**

 ** **Key: brackets are the nonreligious (not counted in score), italics are agnostic (half a point only**** **).**

* * *

 _Daring Diamonds_

"I want that win _bad_ ," Stephanie murmured.

"Me too. I think both of us should be doin' the swimming part so we can get the advantage," Ryan agreed.

"I think we may have the lowest percentage of nonreligious people on our team, meaning we're worth a lot of points," Alejandro considered. "We could be hugely influential. I want everyone to stay strong and DO NOT sign up for the other team's religions."

"Okay, so we've got two people doing the diving, but how should we figure out the rest?" Trent asked.

"We draw lots," Shawn replied, pulling out a bunch of straws from underneath his hat. "Short straws go underwater."

"Do you really keep a bunch of straws underneath your hat?" Jasmine asked, cocking a black eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's easier to escape if you're drinking and a zombie tries to drown you."

Jasmine chuckled. "Whatever floats yer boat, mate."

* * *

 ** ** **End result of the Daring Diamond selection process:******

 **Divers: Lorenzo, Alejandro, Devin, Ryan, [Duncan], Stephanie, and _Bridgette_.**

 **Prophets: Jen, Tom, [Emma], Trent, Topher, _Shawn_ , and _Jasmine_.**

 ** **Key: brackets are the nonreligious (not counted in score), italics are agnostic (half a point only**** **).**

* * *

 _Excellent Emeralds_

"Okay, we've got a new name for ourselves, so let's not lose it," Dave said.

"Agreed. We need our more intellectual members working on the religion and our more physical members on the diving," Sky added. "So I think that means I'm doing the diving and Dave's doing the faith."

B pulled out a device he'd made that looked like a slot machine. "A random assortment generator! Good thinking, soldier," Brick complimented. B pulled the trigger and eight photographs tumbled out: Sky, Sugar, Justin, Eva, Sanders, Brick, Taylor, and DJ's.

"So I guess you guys are with me," Sky decided. "Okay everyone, let's get to it!"

* * *

 ** ** ** **End result of the Excellent Emerald selection process:********

 **Divers: Sugar,** **Sky, _Justin_ , _Eva_ , [Sanders], Brick, Taylor, and DJ.**

 **Prophets: [Scarlett], Carrie, [B], Crimson, [Kitty], [Cameron], Jay, and Dave.**

 ** **Key: brackets are the nonreligious (not counted in score), italics are agnostic (half a point only**** **).**

* * *

The half of each team that was doing the diving congregated together at the edge of a pier. Below them, the light blue sea beckoned.

"I hope there aren't any electric eels in there," Devin gulped.

"Dude, electric eels are freshwater fish," Noah corrected. "Unless Chris were to mutate them so they could do both, but as the last challenge revealed he's way too lazy to try that."

"Not that there _isn't_ anything dangerous in the water," Sanders murmured. "Sharks, jellyfish, and dolphins still pose a major problem."

"Dolphins?" Leshawna asked.

"Yeah, in real life dolphins are _huge_ jerks," Geoff said. "Trust me on this one."

"Okay, I see everyone's here, good good good," Chris said. "Now let's get swimming!" He blew his airhorn and everyone dove. Then he turned to face the camera. "But can they just _keep_ swimming? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Our divers have dived, so let's see how they're putting up with the sea life!"

* * *

 _Radiant Rubies  
_

"AAAAAAAAH!" Laurie shrieked as she scrambled out of the water with a solitary gold chain in her right hand. She was covered in red welts.

"You okay?" Cody asked.

"No, I'm not! What do you think?! A bunch of jellyfish decided to use me for target practice!"

"You know what they say about curing jellyfish stings," Jacques chuckled darkly. Sierra heard this and fumed in Laurie's direction.

"WHAT? No! Only sickos are into stuff like that!" Cody protested.

"B'sides, vinegar works a lot better," Chef, a red paper cross taped to his hat, interjected. "C'mon maggot, let's get you into the medical tent." Laurie dropped the chain and limped after the cook.

"Well, we have a chain, so that's better than nothing," Sammy said. "Hey, maybe we could base our demons on jellyfish! Or at the very least one of them."

"Good idea!" Cody exclaimed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"I've always wanted to design my own mythology! And I couldn't ask for a better person to do it with than Sammy. She really knows her stuff! Complete opposite from her sister."

* * *

 **Confessional – Jasmine.**

"It's so nice to see Sammy break out of her shell. I heard she stuck up to Amy last challenge, and I'm so proud to see her making new friends." Jasmine smirked. "Although I think Cody _might_ become a _little_ bit more, if you know what I mean."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"SERIOUSLY?! What does Sammy have that I don't?! Besides being at Cody's eye level!"  


* * *

 _Excellent Emeralds_

"WHOOOOO!" Brick exclaimed, jumping out of the water with seven gold chains. "I'm on fire!"

"Nice job, Brick!" Kitty complimented. "Now we're ahead of the others for sure!"

"Though I _do_ hope we finish this quick," Justin said, emerging from the water with two chains. "My hands are getting wrinkly."

* * *

 _Stunning Sapphires  
_

"Well, crap," Tyler gulped as a common bottlenose dolphin, one flipper grasping his swim trunks by the waistband, wound up for a punch to the nuts.

Far above, Owen struggled to dive. "I can't go down!"

"Your fat makes you too buoyant. Try and decrease your overall volume," Noah said as he reentered the water.

"Ohhh!" Owen farted and he sank immediately. He couldn't speak, so he gave Noah a thumbs-up.

* * *

 _Daring Diamonds  
_

"Of all the places we could've ended up, it's over here where there's hardly anything," Stephanie growled. The current had swept her team farther out, at the edge of the zone they could be in.

"Don't worry! We can still win this!" Lorenzo reassured her.

"You sure about that?"

"...Well, not really, but I can try, can't I?"

* * *

"Okay then!" Chris announced. "Time's up for gathering the chains. And let's tally them up!

"Radiant Rubies, fifteen chains. Stunning Sapphires, seventeen chains. Daring Diamonds, nine chains. Excellent Emeralds, thirteen chains. The Stunning Sapphires win part one and will get the advantage of this notebook!" He tossed a composition book at them; it whacked Zoey square in the gut, causing her to double over in pain. As Mike helped her up while Ennui retrieved the book, Chris continued speaking. "As soon as they finish writing their sapphic (heh, sapphic) secrets down, you're gonna present your religions! The team that wins today is the one with the greatest number of converts at the end, while the losing team will have the least, and that'll be determined by these clickers; press the button to pronounce your faith. Good luck!"

* * *

 _Fifteen minutes later  
_

"We're done!" Dawn called.

"Well let's get started!" Chris announced. Everyone was handed a clicker, with four buttons for each team – red, blue, yellow, and green. "We're going in order of Mohs scale hardness, so Excellent Emeralds, you're up first!"

* * *

 _Excellent Emeralds  
_

"Well hello, my friends!" Justin said. "Our religion is called Brightnity. This is because we place value in all that is bright and shiny in our lives! Whether it be a cheerful disposition or a sunny day, we promise to vanquish the darkness in our lives!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Eva.**

"As you can plainly see, I had _very_ little input in this."  


* * *

"Holy days are Fridays and Saturdays. We have one main god, Just-maker the wise, god of light, and all the other gods he pushed aside to become the ruler! So whaddya say?"

A bunch of clicks.

"We'll go over the results later," Chris said. "Our next two teams, being basically the same stone in different colors, have the same hardness. But since more varieties of colored corundum get called sapphires, the Stunning Sapphires are next!"

* * *

 _Stunning Sapphires  
_

"From the darkest, dankest depths of the universe," Gwen began, "there were mysterious monsters." She showed the others a picture she'd drawn, of a massive black creature with six pure white eyes and numerous tentacles. "They lived in another world we couldn't see, but grew curious about this one. Discovering they could enter through dreams, they did. They now traverse into our minds every time we sleep, and help guide our actions for a better, more stable world."

"What about bad people?" Dave asked.

"They don't listen to the monsters. They pay the price when nature takes its course. We have no designated holy day; after all, you encounter the monsters every time you fall asleep. But every winter solstice, we celebrate them. Their names cannot be spoken, but are felt as they move, and from that I get their name. I call them the **Thrumm**."

Many fervent clicks.

* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.**

"Wow! That was impressive! If that were a real religion, I'd convert _immediately_!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"Well," Courtney mused, "Gwen didn't actually describe the cosmology of Thrumm worship, but I guess in her mind science dictates the birth of the world." She shrugged. "It's actually a lot like Buddhism in that regard. No gods or goddesses, but supernatural elements regardless."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"That was so metal! See, _this_ is why I like Gwen. She gets this kinda stuff!"

* * *

"And now it's time for the Radiant Rubies!"

* * *

 _Radiant Rubies_

"According to the Book of Geekism, the world was an accident, actually," Cody clarified. "Before it existed, there was a plane populated gods and demons. Originally they lived together peacefully, until the jellyfishlike sorcerer Ubuuk turned the demons against the gods. The world was created by an attack from a god and an attack from a demon cancelling each other out. Neither side knows about our world's existence, since they exist in more spatial dimensions than we do, and the battle rages on to this day. Holy days are Wednesdays and Thursdays."

"Kinda simplistic. So it's basically a neverending war zone?" Chris asked.

"Hey, a lot of people like that kind of stuff," Sammy defended.

"True, true."

Clicking.

"And now the Daring Diamonds must try and beat you!"

* * *

 _Daring Diamonds  
_

"Fan-realism has two main gods, a husband and wife named Iota and Zeota. After defeating a really creepy old guy who wanted to steal all the world's wealth, they split the world's money among their friends, and together they all populated the world with people," Bridgette said.

"Hm. Kinda lame, if you ask me," Chris said.

Clicking.

"And now let's see the scores!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah and Emma.**

"TOTALLY obvious that she's talking about herself and Geoff," Noah said.  


"At least now we know she wants to use the money for everyone's benefit," Emma replied.

"Yeah, I'd be okay with her winning. She's at least _sane_."

* * *

"For Brightnity, we have Amy, Heather, Sierra, Lightning, Katie, Sadie, Lindsay, Lorenzo, Sugar, and Topher. Excellent Emeralds get eight-point-five points

"For Thrumm Worship, Izzy, Jo, Courtney, Leshawna, MacArthur, Cody, Harold, Sammy, Lorenzo, Devin, Bridgette, Shawn, Jasmine, Justin, Eva, Sanders, Brick, DJ, Carrie, and Dave. Stunning Sapphires get eleven-point-five points.

"For Geekism, Owen, Geoff, Tyler, Mike, Ella, Sadie, Lorenzo, Jen, Trent, Justin, Eva, and Jay. Radiant Rubies get seven-point-five points.

"And for Fan-realism, Sierra, Dawn, Sugar, and Carrie. Daring Diamonds get three-point-five points. Therefore, the Stunning Sapphires win! Meet me in third class at eight, Daring Diamonds, someone's gonna worry about a ting!"

"Like WE are," Phil said. "The planes are out of fuel. We're gonna be here until tomorrow when they get refueled."

"Oh. Hm. Well, I'm not in control anymore. Knock yourselves out, guys."

* * *

"Eat up, guys!" DJ announced. "Chef needed to go find a place where he could get plane fuel, so he let me cook tonight's dinner! Come get it while it's hot!"

Everyone did. DJ was renowned for his excellent culinary skills.

"Um, is this red stuff vegan?" Miles asked as she stared at her tofu with cous-cous.

"Don't worry! The Joseph Secret Spice is 100% plant-based! I'm also a veggiehead, so I know what I'm doing."

"Is the spice a recipe of your father's?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah. That's the other way Momma and I remember him."

Dawn smiled at him after Miles left. "And that's why I love you. You're so kind." She thought for a moment. "DJ, if we _do_ end up marrying and having children, what religion are we going to raise them in? Because you're a Muslim and I'm agnostic."

"Easy. We let them decide. And whatever they choose, we'll respect that."

Dawn nodded. "I think I can manage that."

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"Bridgette does annoy me, but Lorenzo said her obvious self-insertion didn't need any tweaking," Alejandro growled as he wrote LORENZO on a piece of paper. "Plus he was weak and gave votes to all the others. Thrumm worship and Geekism I can get, but that lame sack of _caca_ Justin came up with?!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Jasmine.**

"Duncan's a right messed-up bloke," Jasmine explained as she wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper. "And I personally think Courtney can do better."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Lorenzo.**

"I know, I was weak. But Duncan is too!" He wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Stephanie.  
**

"I think Alejandro's up to something, and if Ryan knows what's good for him he's gonna back out of that alliance." She wrote ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Fourteen marshmallows stood on the plate, just three of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got for drama, mon. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Jen, Tom, Devin, Ryan, Emma, Trent, Stephanie, Topher, Shawn, Bridgette, and Jasmine."

Then he pointed to the lone green marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Today, they're in absentia. Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Alejandro, four votes." Alejandro groaned and got his marshmallow.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're done. Duncan. Lorenzo."

Duncan and Lorenzo glared at each other.

"Duncan, you're reckless and rude, and unmistakably crude. Lorenzo, you were weak-willed when it came to staying true to your team. And who's going out today...

...

...

...

...

"Will need some extra finagling because we have a tie!"

* * *

"So what's the tiebreaker?" Duncan asked.

"A bit of that sweet Caribbean music, mon!" Chris replied cheerfully. "I'll give you both pieces of music you gotta bang out on these steel drums!" He showed them the steel drums and handed them wooden sticks. "Whoever can play this string of notes better in thirty seconds gets to stay. Begin!"

The piece was the first few lines of "The Bureaucrat Song". Duncan turned out to be much better at coordinating his hands.

"And time! Sorry Lorenzo, but you're gone."

"Aw man! Well, I had a lot of fun on this show regardless. And hey, this way I get to have an awesome goodbye party!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.**

"Did he just say PARTY?!" Geoff asked, excited.  


* * *

"You guys didn't see it, but that party was _awesome_ ," Chris, this time the real one, said the next morning. He stood on the beach; in the background the planes were being refueled. "Twenty-four down. Sixty remain. Who'll jam to eternal fame and who'll be dreadlocked out of the game? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Then Chris felt something scratching his leg. He looked down and saw a colony of fire ants crawling up his pants. He screamed and the camera cut to black.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Jen – Alejandro  
**

 ** ** **Tom – Alejandro  
******

 ** **Lorenzo – Duncan  
****

 ** ** **Alejandro – Lorenzo  
******

 ** **Devin – Lorenzo  
****

 ** ** ** **Ryan – Lorenzo  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Duncan – Lorenzo  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Emma – Duncan  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Trent – Duncan  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Stephanie – Alejandro  
****************

 **Topher – Lorenzo  
**

 **Shawn – Duncan  
**

 ** ** **Bridgette – Alejandro  
******

 ** **Jasmine – Duncan****

 **Results: 5-5-4 Lorenzo-Duncan-Alejandro  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t)  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

Dakota and Phil looked at each other in Third Class on the Radiant Rubies' plane.

"We're gonna keep helping them?" Dakota asked.

Phil nodded. "We're gonna keep helping them. Chris be [d word]ed."


	33. Aftermath IV

**Review time!**

 **Lara2244: Of course that was gonna get a callback. I don't leave these Chekov's guns unfired, y'know!  
**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks!**

 **StarHeart Specials: Yes, it is. I myself am not religious. So is a fourth of Canada (compared to a sixth of the US), although a good deal of the characters were agnostic rather than fully nonreligious. And here's the Aftermath!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I didn't think I could adapt the original second half, so I replaced it with another integral part of Jamaican culture. Regarding Sammy, atheists come in a wide variety of dispositions and not all of us are 100% cynical or evil (myself included). That and I have the freedom to do so since most of the teens' faiths weren't explicitly stated in the canon. I didn't have too many plans for Lorenzo, but not having someone whose entire schtick is to encourage people is gonna be hard on everyone shortly. And what Max found out is going to be explored, but by someone else, independently...  
**

* * *

 _Beth Jackson, The Overachiever.  
_

"Wait, wasn't it recently proven that milkshakes are really bad for your heart?" Beth asked.

 _Brody van Lawson, The Cheerful Dimwit.  
_

"Okay," replied Brody in his bacterial form.

 _Scott Lear, The Doublecrosser.  
_

"Only if you get caught?" Scott mused.

 _Lauren Nicholson, The Shy Girl._

"I don't feel too good about hurting my friends," Lauren winced.

 _Brady Wilson, The Naive Male Model._

"Now I'm just curious. I'll take you up on that offer, dude," Brady said.

 _Lorenzo Accardi, The Motivational Speaker._

"Aw man! Well, I had a lot of fun on this show regardless. And hey, this way I get to have an awesome goodbye party!"

 _The next six contestants who've been eliminated have returned to their school. But while their ex-teammates do their schoolwork–_

Carrie tried to print something, but the printer exploded, covering her face in ash.

 _–we follow up on the losers. Where are they now? What are they up to? And how will the father/son reunion go? This._

 _Is._

 _Aftermath: Total Drama Edition._

* * *

 _Theme music_

The screen opened and the viewer saw two clips, side-by-side, of Beth and Brody walking, shot from the front view. Beth was on the left, Brody on the right. The clips then wiped up to show Scott and Lauren in the same setup. It happened again, revealing Brady and Lorenzo. Then the clips wiped up entirely.

Kelly, Dwayne, and Gerry waved to the camera. Suddenly, a flat panel fell from the ceiling on top of them, crushing them underneath. Blaineley was sitting on the panel and waved to the camera.

A spotlight focused on a curtain. Two interns shakily held up a sign reading TOTAL DRAMA AFTERMATH IV: SEASON TWO BOOGALOO. Then they fell over, the sign falling on top of them.

* * *

"Welcome to Total Drama's fourth aftermath!" Blaineley said to the camera. "Our next six eliminated contestants will be answering our questions from our judge's panel, and there will be some other fun stuff too! You already know the judges, so let's just get to it!"

"Wow...two seasons. I'm having trouble finishing up the first season as is!" Dwayne said. "How do you two do it?" he asked his co-judges.

"I'm retired and Kelly doesn't do [s word]," Gerry explained.

"What?" Kelly asked.

"Anyway, let's move on to our first contestant. She may be short, but she's full of surprises – Beth!"

Beth walked onstage and waved at the camera before taking her seat.

"Lindsay was really upset that you got voted off," Dwayne said. "You two have a history together?"

"Yeah, in ninth grade I was assigned to be her math tutor so she wouldn't fail a standardized test again. We became friends from there. Even though Heather doesn't approve of it, we still hang out from time to time," Beth explained.

"You also said you were a water girl for Brady's basketball team. Surely you got to know him more than that!" Kelly exclaimed.

Beth laughed. "Yeah, we did. A few days after we met I had to get my braces off, and Brady ended up also being there for a checkup. As time went on we kept running into each other and took it as a sign we were meant to be together."

"You were eliminated in the eating challenge," Gerry reminisced. "If you could've eaten anything else besides the one you did, what would it be?"

"Ooh, that's tough! Because even the best-tasting food had a surprise in it."

 _"Everyone good?" The six teens showed Chris their empty plates. "It's tree octopus! Specifically the one that ate one of my interns."_

"And I _really_ don't want radiation poisoning. So I guess if I had to choose one, I'd go with the algae chickens."

"Yeah, those were probably the safest things there," Junior agreed from the Peanut Gallery, which Beth now joined.

"You guys make me sick," Blaineley shuddered. Then she put on her cheerful face. "And it was through sickness that our next chupa chup got flushed out with poopa poop – Brody!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Dakota.**

"Thanks for ruining one of my favorite candies, Blaineley," Dakota groaned, before her cheeks bulged with vomit.  


* * *

Brody raced onstage.

"So Brody, you were eliminated the same episode Lindsay joined the Misfits," Dwayne said. "What did you think about that?"

"It's super awesome!" Brody exclaimed. "I wipe out way more than Geoff and Bridgette do, so I know all about taking a knock to the head."

"That explains a _lot_ about you," Blaineley remarked.

"And she stuck it to Heather! Most people are terrified of her! And best of all, Lindsay mooned the camera! Now when do you see a girl who has the guts to do that, cuz' it's not just guys who do that sorta stuff."

"I suppose not," Kelly laughed. "Anyway Brody, I'm curious as to how you met your alliance mates."

"Geoff and I are cousins so we knew each other as kids. I met Bridgette when me an' Geoff were doing a surfing contest in sixth grade. It was love at first sight."

"And speaking of, you and MacArthur. Why?" Gerry asked.

"Because she's brave, and funny, and knows how to live it up!"

"Good for you." Brody smiled and left the stage.

"Our next guest is someone many of you have wanted to be here earlier. Finishing up our first season – Scott!"

Scott quietly shuffled into the auditorium, cowering as he passed the Peanut Gallery. They didn't boo him, but silently glared at him as he got onstage.

"Well, Scott, all I have to ask is this: why Phil?"

"I was desperate! I wanted to prove that even though I'm not who I used to be after my injury, I'm still someone to be taken seriously. And Phil...well, he has too many friends and I didn't want him in an alliance."

"You could've just asked me to join _yours_ ," Phil pointed out.

"But it has Heather in it!"

"...Right. Nevermind, then."

"Anyway, Scott, you overcame your fear of sharks by attacking Fang the mutant," Kelly said. "What do you think about him?"

"That the longer he stays on that radioactive island the more in danger everyone else is gonna be. He can walk, breathe air, and he's as smart as a person. What next? Hands?"

"Definitely hands," Junior shuddered.

"Lastly, did you go back to see Dawn explain what her 'aura reading' is?" Gerry asked.

"No! Why?"

"Roll clip!"

 _ **Confessional – Sam.**_

 _"According to Dawn's official medical diagnosis, she actually has a form of synesthesia that combines emotional perception with color. She's also REALLY good at discerning emotions and can easily figure out what's on someone's mind," Sam explained. "She's basically a living lie detector. Oh, and if you're wondering how I know this, my dad's the doctor who diagnosed her."_

"...Oh, so she ISN'T magical! I feel a lot worse about makin' fun of her."

"You should, that's normal," Ellody said bluntly.

Scott left. "And we started off a perfectly normal second season with getting rid of one of our last normal contestants – Lauren!" Lauren timidly got onstage.

"So, you used to date one of the Drama Brothers," Dwayne said. "I'm curious; which of their songs was your favorite?"

"A lot of their music was a bit overwhelming, to be honest," Lauren said cautiously. "But I really liked 'Break Your Way Into My Heart'."

"I don't want to linger on the subject of your ex for too long," Kelly continued, "but do you know how Sierra's infatuation with Cody started?"

Lauren laughed softly. "At first she was just a typical loony fangirl, one of the band's many back when they first formed in March 2015. But then she started sending Cody weird gifts and phonecalls of just heavy breathing. When she transferred here at the beginning of 10th grade, she was so excited to be in Cody's advisory."

"Do you play any sports?" Gerry asked.

"Tennis, actually!" Gerry smiled. "But not here. Shelley scares me..."

"Who's Shelley?" Brody asked.

"Devin's girlfriend. 5'3", brown hair, black eyes, and a stunning personality!" Blaineley exclaimed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Mary.**

"*cough* *cough* Shelley's a [w word] and a selfish [b word]. *cough* *cough*"  


* * *

"And on the subject of Devin," Blaineley said as Lauren left the stage, "here's one of his buddies right now – Brady!"

Brady came onstage, looking a little angry.

"So...I take it you found out about Alejandro," Dwayne said nervously.

"I did. I can't believe it! He's been going behind our backs since day one!"

 _ **Confessional** ** **–**** **Alejandro.**_

 _"I just want an even playing field. Even for me, at least." Alejandro developed a smug smirk on his face._

"We should change the subject, I think he's angry," Kelly said.

"Gee, you just noticed that?" Blaineley asked dryly.

"So...Brady, you said that you liked the reddish-purple fabric your team used in Season One's last challenge," Kelly said. "What's your favorite color?"

"I like red! And blue. Green and orange are also good...y'know what? I like all of them equally."

"Come to think of it, your label says you're a male model," Gerry said. "But I've never seen you in anything."

Brady chuckled. "That's 'cuz I was a model for a kid's magazine and when I turned thirteen they let me go."

"Ah." Brady left the stage and joined Beth.

"And last but not least, the last of that one foursome we thought would survive till the end – Lorenzo!"

Lorenzo walked onstage.

"Hm...Lorenzo, you and Chet have different last names. Why?" Dwayne asked.

"Same reason DJ keeps using his dad's spice: so Chet can remember his dad."

"Right on," Chet agreed.

"On that subject, we have some implications that Amy resents her sister for involvement in their father's death. Any thoughts?" Kelly asked.

"Well, I haven't had much time to watch the previous episode, since I just came back twenty minutes ago, but I did see that Amy was really upset that Chris didn't like us dwelling on the subject. But it doesn't excuse being mean to Sammy."

"And lastly, you're in a relationship," Gerry said. "Which other pairing do you think might come true?"

"Cody and Sammy definitely. She's much better for him than Sierra."

* * *

 **Confessional – Don.**

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Since Aftermath was a company different from the one Chris ran, the evil hosts weren't in charge of producing the Aftermaths. Therefore Don had the freedom to voice his own thoughts in them.  


* * *

"And I think Gwen and Courtney might be getting into each other, and I think Duncan's gonna dump Courtney sometime soon."

"On the plus side, she won't have to see that ogre much longer if he does," Jazz commented.

"And that's all we have time for!" Blaineley turned to the camera. "What do I have in store? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Total Trivia: With a birthdate of November 18, 2003, Dwayne Jr. is the youngest person to compete on Total Drama. Who is the oldest?  
_

 _A. Chef Hatchet  
_

 _B. Lindsay  
_

 _C. Leshaniqua_

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

 _Total Trivia: Lindsay is the correct answer. Her birthdate is September 2, 1998, making her 19 as of today, and is in 11th grade because she had to repeat 2nd and 5th. Leshaniqua, who is 17 with a birthdate of July 17, 2000, is in 12th grade, making her the furthest-along of the contestants, and although he's the oldest person on Wawanakwa as of right now at age 61, Chef Hatchet is not a contestant.  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Blaineley announced. "Here in Aftermath, our eliminated contestants are going to compete in challenges themselves. The team with the most points at the end will get to send one of the teams in the next episode of the show an advantage!" She had three sets of armbands, all of them white. Twenty-four each either had a dragon's head, a Corinthian helmet, or a set of laurels.

"First up, I want the first and fourth of each eliminated set of six. That's Staci, Leshaniqua, Dakota, Rock, Mickey, Mary, Beth, and Lauren. You will be the Heroes!" She tossed them the armbands with the laurels.

"Next, I want the second and fifth of each eliminated set of six. That's Leonard, Spud, Phil, Rodney, Jazz, Junior, Brody, and Brady. You will be the Invaders!" She tossed them the armbands with the helmet.

"And everyone else. That's Tammy, Chet, Ellody, Anne Maria, Max, Zeke, Scott, and Lorenzo. You will be the Monsters!" She tossed them the remaining armbands. **  
**

"I'm guessing Greek mythology is the theme of the upcoming VR challenge," Beth noted.

"Correct! But before you can go to Camp Halfwit, you gotta do some things.

* * *

"And our first thing is an eating contest!" She set three enormous plates of chicken nuggets in front of them. "Luckily, none of you are vegetarians. Or know what these things are made of. To win this game, your team must eat the most out of all ten dozen nuggets in one minute. Each nugget eaten completely is worth one point. Begin!"

The three teams quickly attacked the nuggets, aided by the fact that it was lunch. The Monsters quickly realized that they could go faster if they each took fifteen nuggets, as 120 is divisible by 8.

"Annnnd time!" Blaineley took a picture of the plates with her phone, which had a counting app. "Well well, looks like the Monsters' efficient plan worked! Next!"

* * *

 **Scores:**

 **Heroes: 44**

 **Invaders: 63**

 **Monsters: 97**

* * *

 **Confessional – Staci.**

"I guess we like, didn't get sauce 'cuz it'd totally slow us down. Which is great because like, I _hate_ the taste and texture of dipping sauces."  


* * *

"For our second game, we were lucky enough for GIANTMicrobes to sponsor today's episode. I have here with me a bunch of plush viruses, bacteria, and other critters, and a tennis ball launcher. You must dodge these. Each hit taken will cause you to lose points. Begin!" She loaded the plushies and turned the launcher on.

Weighed down by the nuggets made the teens unable to dodge as well. And those who overexerted themselves cramped up. When the launcher ran out, Blaineley looked over the play-by-play before speaking. "But now the Heroes are coming up hot! Oh, and guys, these plushies were hand-picked for you and your names are written on the tags! Those for the ones not eliminated yet will be given to them once they come. Next!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Blaineley.**

Blaineley sighed. "The things I do for money..."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Tara, Nerdinator Studios Head of Finances.**

"We were also sponsored by GIANTMicrobes for this chapter," the anthropomorphic orange with brown stripes _Triceratops horridus_ admitted.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Drew Oliver.**

"You never know _where_ you're gonna show up," the creator of GIANTMicrobes mused.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Rock and Spud.**

"I think Blaineley was trying to say our music is bad," Rock said. He'd gotten an Ear Ache ( _Streptococcus pnuemoniae_ ) and Rock had a Stomachache ( _Shigella dysenteriae_ ).  


"I think I'll name him Sandwich," Spud said of his.

"Good choice."

* * *

 **Scores:**

 **Heroes: 44** ** **– 2 = 42  
****

 **Invaders: 63** ** **– 12 = 51  
****

 **Monsters: 97** ** **– 35 = 62  
****

* * *

"For our third competition, you gotta wear what I'm wearing right now and walk the catwalk. I will decide on your score. Begin!"

* * *

Blaineley's usual outfit, a skimpy red dress and too-high heels, made almost everyone trip. Only Dakota and Anne Maria were able to walk in it.

"Dakota earns her team three points, Anne Maria eight!" Blaineley decided. "Next!"

* * *

 **Scores:**

 **Heroes: 44** ** **– 2 + 3 = 45  
****

 **Invaders: 63** ** **– 12 + 0 = 51  
****

 **Monsters: 97** ** **– 35 + 8 = 70  
****

* * *

"You can't row in school and it's too cold for the pool, but you can paint wooden boats!" Each team was given a wooden rowboat, black paint, and brushes. "Each eight of you must write my full name in cursive. Whoever does the best gets the most points out of eight. Begin!"

Luckily, everyone already knew her full name. But unluckily...

"Brody, my last name has _two_ l's!" Brody smiled sheepishly.

* * *

 **Confessional – Ellody.**

"Has anyone thought to have Brody tested for dyslexia?"  


* * *

 **Scores:**

 **Heroes: 44** ** **– 2 + 3 + 5 = 50  
****

 **Invaders: 63** ** **– 12 + 0 + 4 = 55  
****

 **Monsters: 97** ** **– 35 + 8 + 3 = 73****

* * *

"And now it's time for... **The Trial by Lustblossom!** " Once again, the same spray cannons emerged from the ceiling, and the female one did the deed.

Beth and Brady were now cuddling softly. Lauren and Brody had goofy expressions on their face. "Val..." Brody drooled.

"Awww, that's so cute!" Jazz cooed at Beth and Brady.

"I was expecting better," Blaineley grumbled as she fired the male cannon. "Next!

* * *

"Now we go to a more fun part. Inside these wooden chests is something. Whichever team opens theirs first wins!"

Ellody and Max were on the same team, so they quickly figured out how to unlock it.

Once again, just air.

"The something is nothing!" Blaineley got out a key and opened the other two chests, revealing they were also empty. "Next!

* * *

 **Scores:**

 **Heroes: 44** ** **– 2 + 3 + 5 + 0 = 50  
****

 **Invaders: 63** ** **– 12 + 0 + 4 + 0 = 55  
****

 **Monsters: 97** ** **– 35 + 8 + 3 + 1 = 74****

* * *

"Last but not least, we have eight karaoke chains that need to be rescued from the water." In front of the teams were plastic tanks filled with water and eight karaoke chains each. "But unlike in the real game, these chains be weighed down, mon!" Indeed, forty-pound dumbbells were tied to the chains.

"I think trying to speak like a Jamaican is really offensive," Leshaniqua grumbled.

"Girl, this entire _show_ is offensive. Whichever team can get the most out in a minute will lose the least points. Begin!"

It was thanks to Rodney that the Invaders pulled out the most chains.

* * *

 **Scores:**

 **Heroes: 44** ** **– 2 + 3 + 5 + 0**** ** ** ** **– 3**** = 47  
****

 **Invaders: 63** ** **– 12 + 0 + 4 + 0**** ** ** ** **– 0**** = 55  
****

 **Monsters: 97** ** **– 35 + 8 + 3 + 1**** ** ** ** **– 7**** = 67  
****

* * *

"Oh, but it's not enough. The Monsters win with 67 points! They give their team...a map!'

"A map to what?" Junior asked.

"Why, a map to the gods! Chet, Anne Maria, Zeke, and Lorenzo. The four of you will be the representations of the classical elements. You will need to come up with a spell that gives whoever prays to you your power! The remaining twenty will become gods and goddesses and will bestow upon your believer a unique weapon! I'll send the survey out tonight. Now let's look at some of Total Drama's Funniest Moments!

* * *

"Food, glorious food! We're anxious to try it!" This line was sung.

 _Dawn, Laurie, Miles, DJ, and Bridgette downed the hot sauce all in one gulp. Then they started screaming in agony as their faces turned red and they sweated profusely._

"So anxious we don't even care if it's virus!" This line was also sung.

 _Suddenly, a massive white tongue licked the backs of all of the viruses. The owner quickly retreated faster than they could react to it._

"STBlackST would be proud." This line was NOT sung.

 _Previously unseen footage of Heather getting shot in the breasts by two tennis ball launchers. She dropped to the ground and started cursing._

"And Izzy should never be allowed near anything fun. Ever."

 _Izzy alone was dangerous. Izzy with explosives, even if they did lack the flaming aspect, was even worse. She cackled madly and raised the plunger to its maximum height before shoving it down. A big splat of blue was left over._

"Fun fact: dolphins are carnivores. That means they don't like kiwis."

 _Tyler gulped as a dolphin, one flipper grasping his swim trunks by the waistband, wound up for a punch to the nuts._

"Owen eats so much ham he became one."

 _Owen dramatically sang at the ceiling. Izzy came over and revealed she'd found some red-orange lace among the yellow fabric and had turned it into a dress that bared quite a lot of skin. Owen blushed heavily._

"Watch out for floating Jasmines."

 _Alejandro stood up, ready to pounce...only to get knocked over by an oar courtesy of Jasmine._

"Redheads. Can't trust 'em."

 _Zoey fired her harpoon gun, letting the tip sink into the sand, and let go. Geoff got dragged to shore and beached._

* * *

"And now, for our final part of the Aftermath, we will have you guys root for someone still in the game," Blaineley said to the most-recently eliminated contestants. "At the end of the show, we'll tally the votes, and whoever has the most supporters will receive a prize! As for the person who gets the most votes against them by the end of the show, they will get a punishment of my own creation, befitting of Total Drama's least popular contestant. Go to the confessionals and vote now."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Beth.**

"Lindsay has my vote! And I'm so happy she and Tyler finally got together. They're perfect for each other just like Noah and Emma."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Brody.  
**

"Well, since Bridgette has a vote already, I'm gonna go with my best bro Geoff."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Scott.**

"Well, I may not be too popular myself, but I want Courtney to win. She's wanted to hard to be recognized." He frowned. "Though I definitely agree with everyone else, she should dump Duncan already before he can break her heart by going after her new best friend."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Lauren.**

"Justin. Because I think he can find who's really best for him if he stays longer. I know who she is, and I'm not telling."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Brady.**

"My main man DJ is honest and kind, so he deserves to win. Good luck to him and Dawn!"  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Lorenzo.**

"Ennui's really philosophical and I can understand where he's coming from. Best wishes to him and Crimson."  


* * *

"And that's the end of that," Blaineley said. "Tune in after Challenge 30 for the fifth Aftermath."

The bell rang.

"And that's the end of lunch. Now go back to class before I give you detention!"

* * *

 **Votes against:**

 **Owen – 3**

 **Dakota – 7 (Eliminated 7th by immunity idol)**

 **B – 1**

 **Noah – 8**

 **Cody – 0**

 **Ella – 3**

 **Izzy – 2  
**

 **Emma – 1**

 **Kitty – 0**

 **Junior – 12 (Eliminated 17th)**

 **Sierra – 3**

 **Topher – 0**

 **Beth – 6 (Eliminated 19th)**

 **Brady – 8 (Eliminated 23rd)  
**

 **Justin – 0**

 **Katie – 0**

 **Sadie – 0**

 **Lorenzo – 5 (Eliminated 24th by tiebreaker)  
**

 **Mary – 8 (Eliminated 16th)**

 **Brick – 0**

 **Ennui – 5**

 **Crimson – 2**

 **Scott – 35 (Eliminated 21st)  
**

 **Phil – 2 (Eliminated 8th by rigged votes)**

 **Heather – 24**

 **Lindsay – 2  
**

 **Taylor – 8  
**

 **Alejandro – 29**

 **Devin – 3**

 **Carrie – 0**

 **Ryan – 0**

 **Stephanie – 0**

 **Miles – 1  
**

 **Laurie – 0**

 **Anne Maria – 12 (Eliminated 12th)**

 **Lauren – 4 (Eliminated 22nd)  
**

 **Cameron – 0**

 **Mike – 0**

 **Eva – 2**

 **DJ – 2  
**

 **Sam – 0**

 **Scarlett – 2  
**

 **Max – 7 (Eliminated 15th)**

 **Rodney – 11 (Eliminated 11th by rigged tiebreaker)**

 **Zeke – 8 (Eliminated 18th by rigged tiebreaker)**

 **Sugar – 42**

 **Sanders – 0**

 **MacArthur – 0**

 **Zoey – 1**

 **Gwen – 6  
**

 **Leshawna – 0**

 **Jazz – 1 (Eliminated 14th by rigged votes)**

 **Trent – 0**

 **Harold – 2  
**

 **Ellody – 15 (Eliminated 9th)**

 **Chet – 11 (Eliminated 6th)**

 **Leonard – 13 (Eliminated 2nd)**

 **Tammy – 14 (Eliminated 3rd)**

 **Dawn – 0**

 **Leshaniqua – 5 (Eliminated 4th)**

 **Shawn – 0**

 **Lightning – 14**

 **Jo – 3**

 **Amy – 21**

 **Sammy – 1**

 **Jasmine – 0**

 **Sky – 2**

 **Mickey – 3 (Eliminated 13th)**

 **Jay – 1  
**

 **Tom – 0**

 **Jen – 0**

 **Dave – 0**

 **Geoff – 0**

 **Bridgette – 0**

 **Courtney – 5**

 **Duncan – 10  
**

 **Tyler – 0**

 **Rock – 7 (Eliminated 10th)**

 **Spud – 8 (Eliminated 5th)**

 **Staci – 6 (Eliminated 1st)**

 **Beardo – 0**

 **Jacques – 7  
**

 **Josee – 15**

 **Brody – 6 (Eliminated 20th)**

 **Votes for Winner:**

 **Owen – None**

 **Dakota – N/A**

 **B – None**

 **Noah – Zeke (1)**

 **Cody – Rodney (1)**

 **Ella – Leonard, Tammy (2)**

 **Izzy – None**

 **Emma – None**

 **Kitty – None**

 **Junior – N/A**

 **Sierra – None**

 **Topher – None**

 **Beth – N/A**

 **Brady – N/A**

 **Justin – Lauren (1)  
**

 **Katie – None**

 **Sadie – Dakota (1)**

 **Lorenzo – Mary (1)**

 **Mary – Ellody (1)**

 **Brick – None**

 **Ennui – Lorenzo (1)  
**

 **Crimson – None**

 **Scott – N/A**

 **Phil – N/A**

 **Heather – None**

 **Lindsay – Beth (1)**

 **Taylor – Anne Maria (1)**

 **Alejandro – None**

 **Devin – Junior (1)**

 **Carrie – None**

 **Ryan – None**

 **Stephanie – None**

 **Miles – None**

 **Laurie – None**

 **Anne Maria – N/A**

 **Lauren – N/A**

 **Cameron – None**

 **Mike – None**

 **Eva – None**

 **DJ – Brady (1)  
**

 **Sam – None**

 **Scarlett – Max (1)**

 **Max – N/A**

 **Rodney – N/A**

 **Zeke – N/A**

 **Sugar – None**

 **Sanders – None**

 **MacArthur – None**

 **Zoey – None**

 **Gwen – None**

 **Leshawna – Leshaniqua, Jazz (2)**

 **Jazz – N/A**

 **Trent – None**

 **Harold – None**

 **Ellody – Chet (1)**

 **Chet – N/A**

 **Leonard – N/A**

 **Tammy – N/A**

 **Dawn – None**

 **Leshaniqua – N/A**

 **Shawn – None**

 **Lightning – None**

 **Jo – None**

 **Amy – None**

 **Sammy – None**

 **Jasmine – None**

 **Sky – None**

 **Mickey – N/A**

 **Jay – Mickey (1)**

 **Tom – None**

 **Jen – None**

 **Dave – None**

 **Geoff – Brody (1)**

 **Bridgette – Staci (1)**

 **Courtney – Scott (1)  
**

 **Duncan – None**

 **Tyler – Phil (1)**

 **Rock – Spud (1)**

 **Spud – N/A**

 **Staci – N/A**

 **Beardo – None**

 **Jacques – None**

 **Josee – None**

 **Brody – Rock (1)**

* * *

 **After the Aftermath:**

"Honey, I think Lorenzo may have predicted a little scheme of ours," Blaineley said, worried.

"Don't worry!" Chris said on the other end of the computer. "Once I'm done, the fandom will be in an uproar about Gwen, Courtney, and Duncan's blossoming love triangle. The Misfits won't be able to retake the spotlight, and we'll be waltzing our way to the Gemmys with no one the wiser."

Blaineley grinned sinisterly. "I can't wait."

* * *

Back on her parents' farm, Beth sat at a table with her father over tea. "Y'know, it's a good thing you got out as early as ya did," Peter Jackson, a short, stocky man with crooked teeth, said.

"What do you mean?"

"Back when you were a youngun', your ma and I watched Chris' shows. They started off okay, but as time passed we saw 'im get meaner 'n' meaner to some of the competitors: the ones who weren't shallow prissies. The ones more like you and your friends. It got so bad we stopped watching 'im."

"Wait...that's happening now with the other Misfits," Beth realized.

Her father nodded. "Gets worse, too. Rumor has it that there's a good reason the writin' of that one show went south. You see, back then his shows weren't really 'reality'; the lines and gags were par'shlly scripted by a board of writers. Some say that one of the writers couldn't bear to see Chris mistreatin' the kids any longer, so he began sabotaging the lines right before they got delivered. The timin' was just right because his old network, Canadian Sitcom TV, was going to review their lineup when it happened. They didn't like how _Fear Tractor_ had underperformed in its ninth season thus far, so they cancelled it and didn't renew Chris' contracts for his other shows, which were also comin' due, and fired him when the allegations began to arise not long after."

"Wow...I never knew."

"He's done a good job coverin' them up."

"So why?..."

"I think that Chris got so 'ddicted to fame that he gave up his humanity to make room for his growin' ego. And I guess the writer thought forcin' Chris out of th' spotlight would bring 'im to his senses. But all it did was make Chris want vengeance.

"And that's why Total Drama exists. He's tryin' to get revenge against the writers by provin' he doesn't need them. But the writers did a good job of holdin' him back because they wrote _his_ lines too, but now that there aren't any...

"Nothin' will stop him now."

Beth gulped.

* * *

 **Buy GIANTMicrobes.**

 **But not the ugly ones.**

 **Seriously, you didn't need to redesign the liver cell. It was fine the way it was, and now it's ugly.  
**

 **And why haven't you made Diphtheria yet?!**


	34. 2-4: Trash of the Titans

**With this chapter, THD turns one year old! Thank you all for supporting my writing. And in other news, I finally gave the story a cover! You like?  
**

 **And now it's review time!**

 **Doctor Brain: Here's that chapter! Chris and Blaineley are more actively antagonistic here than their canon counterparts; it's all part of their plan to use the show to reinforce their personal biases. They'll get their karma, but it won't be until Total Drama's epic final episode.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! Just wanted a bit of clarification. What Max found out is very similar to what Beth learned, only more detailed (e.g. what Chris actually _said_ while bullying certain contestants on previous shows). As a dinosaur, my pop culture knowledge is very limited, so I've never heard of Crank Yankers; will look it up though.**

* * *

 _Tuesday, November 21, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – one day we had our campers in Montego Bay [DJ remembering his father], sent them thirty feet underwater. [Owen sinking] Not everyone was alright [Laurie's stings] and Sugar had a fright when lots of other kids turned out nonreligious. [Sugar freaking out] And Gwen said, 'We are born with the Thrumms, mon, and they be jammin' their days in our dreams.' [The Stunning Sapphires' religion] And Duncan turned out great, at banging drums at rate, while Lorenzo got kicked off his team. [Lorenzo's elimination] That, for those of you who don't know, is one of David X. Cohen's best works ever. And speaking of best works..."

Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our twenty-fifth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.

A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a place thousands of miles away and thousands of years earlier. Chris, dressed in a pristine white toga, came onscreen. "Olive oil me up, because we're going to the better Macedonia! No offense to any real Macedonians. Sixty contestants remain. Who'll go down in myth-tery and who'll be sadly mythtaken? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from an amphora, scaring off a cicada. Another came from a fountain, startling a kingfisher. The third popped out in the middle of a funeral pyre, only to be consumed by the flames.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera zipped through a bustling ancient Greek market before climbing up an impossibly tall mountain.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

On the top of the mountain, the Misfits, turned into the Greek deities, sat in their thrones, awaiting worship. Noah sat in the king's throne, which was much too big for him.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a river. This disturbed the sea gods Bridgette and Geoff, who turned the three into frogs as punishment for their bad behavior.

 _*Instrumental*_

Harold, turned into a fisherman, pulled up Leshawna, who'd been turned into a mermaid. Leshawna didn't appreciate being captured, so Harold wisely freed her from his net.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Lightning tried to drive the sun, only to be struck down by Justin, who was playing the part of Helios, because he wasn't doing it all that well.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Alejandro crept out of the Underworld and smiled evilly at the camera. Behind him, the various creatures of the land of the dead whimpered in fright.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Sierra was a poet and was excitedly telling the passers-by about Cody's fictional exploits. The real Cody facepalmed while she did so.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Tyler and Lindsay danced with the satyrs. One of the satyrs was making a particular fool of himself, while a black-haired boy with green eyes and a gray-eyed blonde girl looked at each other uncomfortably.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Izzy rode a pegasus like a bronco.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

A cyclops duo looked at an oblivious Sugar, before deciding she wasn't worth eating and moving on.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Mike and Zoey looked each other in the eyes...and then the Romans came to take over.

* * *

"It's _awful_ outside!" Sky shivered as the last of the teens entered the VR room.

"I wholly agree with those sentiments," Brick agreed, taking off his coat and hat, hanging them on a hook near the doorway. "I think it might be supposed to snow today, even."

"Well, you can all have fun in the snow later," Chris interrupted. "Right now, you should get over to your seats and check for today's teams!"

Shawn, Sky, Dave, Jasmine, Sanders, Ryan, Trent, Noah, Emma, DJ, Zoey, Stephanie, Izzy, Owen, Carrie, Tom, Jen, B, Beardo, and Harold got circles with laurels on them.

Jacques, Bridgette, Sierra, Sammy, Devin, Miles, Laurie, Katie, Sadie, Lightning, Sugar, Eva, Duncan, Leshawna, Jay, Kitty, Sam, Ella, Cody, and Lindsay's had a Corinthian helmet.

And Mike, Cameron, Justin, Dawn, MacArthur, Jo, Amy, Courtney, Geoff, Gwen, Alejandro, Tyler, Josee, Taylor, Crimson, Heather, Scarlett, Brick, Topher, and Ennui's had a European dragon.

"In Ancient Greece, there was the City-state of Wawanakwa, ruled by the great man King Chris the Wicked Awesome!" Chris exclaimed.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Emma.  
**

" _Must_ he put his ego into _everything_?"  


* * *

"But the rival ruler Queen Miranda the Dullard [Miranda the intern groaned] wants his stuff! If your circle has a helmet, you're the Invaders, her personal army! And if you got the laurels, you're _my_ army, the Heroes!"

"Wow, this really is fictional," Beardo mused. "Chris actually expects me to like him." His fellow Heroes laughed.

Chris visibly tensed but calmed down. "However, your antics have awoken the great Titan Hatchetus [Chef rolled his eyes at this], who was imprisoned by the gods because he made humanity eat his deliberately-awful cooking. However, Hatchetus has one last trick up his sleeves...well, he would if shirts had been invented yet. If your circle has the dragon, you're the Monsters, and you will take back Greece for your commander!

"Now, another thing. Have you noticed the colors of your circles?" The kids nodded. "Those represent your element. Blue is water, brown is earth, orange is fire, and silver is air. This is a last-man-standing game with a twist: until EVERYONE on the opposing teams of your element is dead, you cannot hurt _anyone_ of the other elements.

"Lastly, there are the gods. Twenty of the eliminated contestants have provided you with unique weapons should you pray to their statue. The remaining four will bestow great elemental powers on those who find them. And remember: you can only pray to the statues _once_. Since the Monsters' representatives won the Aftermath, they get a map for a headstart. Although most of them won't be able to use it because, y'know, no hands. Good luck!"

An intern (not Miranda) pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a beach appeared on the canvas screen...

* * *

 _Heroes_

"Dude, this is like, so historically accurate!" Harold gushed. His team had spawned on a beach filled with boats. In the background were many houses, forests, and the massive marble castle of King Chris. The four element teams were coded by the colors of their tunics, and they also had wooden play swords for weapons.

"I guess they didn't want our audience to complain, same as they did with the dinosaur challenge," Noah mused.

"If that's the case, mate, then why did the Wild West challenge not accurately reflect 1870s America?" Jasmine asked.

"Because no one cares as much about recent history."

Jasmine thumbed her chin. "You make a good point..."

"So what should we do?" Carrie asked.

"I think we should wait here until the Invaders come. We spawned on a beach, they're likely coming by boat. One of us from each team should go find some temples so we can get better weapons," Noah said, frowning at his wooden sword.

"Hey, there's one right there!" Owen exclaimed. Sure enough, Max's statue was right there. Owen bounded over and kneeled in front of it. "Oh Great God Max, please, help us defend our home!" The statue glowed purple, and soon Owen was holding a laser blaster that had materialized in his hands. "OhohoHO, I like this!"

"Izzy likes it too! Sucks we can't pray to it more than once," Izzy added.

"I guess the weapons we get aren't limited to this time period, then," Trent noted. "But what are the locals gonna think?"

"We'll just tell them it's magic! These guys are dumb enough to believe that; after all, at this time they're still trying to invent the scientific method."

"Good point."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Trent.  
**

"That's Izzy for you. Sane one moment, insane the next." The confessionals were held on a marble podium. Trent made a face. "And no one can _ever_ predict whenever the twain shall switch."  


* * *

 _The Invaders_

Just as Noah had predicted, the Invaders were coming by boat. Unlike the Heroes, they were fully clad in bronze armor, their elements denoted by the color of their helmets' plumes.

"Why do I have to be on the same team as _her_?" Sierra scowled, pointing at Sammy. Both were on the Water sub-team.

"I don't know! And what did I ever do to you?"

"You're trying to make moves on my Cody!"

"The only moves I'm making right now are away from you, you creep."

"Everyone, settle down!" Miranda announced. She was dressed as a queen, a purple toga underneath her silver armor. "If we're gonna win, we gotta work together. Water, Fire, I want you patrolling for monsters. Earth, Air, you're with me against the Heroes. Got that?"

"Yes madam queen, ma'am!" Devin saluted.

* * *

 _Monsters_

Deep in the Underworld, the Monsters had gone through the most changes, going from humans to mythical beasts. Their element was denoted by the color of the amulet they wore around their necks.

"How fitting that the harpy became a harpy," Gwen smirked. She was twice her size and had an additional two pairs of arms, the nails painted the same black as those on her original arms in the real world. She was clad in a dark green toga.

Heather growled at Gwen. Her head was the same, but her body had been turned into an armchair-sized golden eagle's body with feathers the same color as her hair. "Bite me, gothy." Gwen responded by opening her mouth to reveal she had fangs now, too. Heather shrank back. "Never mind."

"My friends, we should not fight," Alejandro, turned into a _Camarasaurus_ -sized (68-foot) red dragon with a spiky tail, interjected. "We have other priorities."

Everyone turned to a massive orange orb. Floating inside, chained, was Chef. He'd been turned into a massive being that stood a hundred feet tall, red-skinned and his shoulders bristling with spikes. When he opened his eyes, it was revealed his pupils were now rhombuses.

"Alright, maggots, listen up! Your job is to smash the city above as revenge for gettin' me in this [d word] thing. Once it's down to the ground, then you're gonna come back with enough magic to break me out. Got that?"

"Yes, oh mighty titan!" Brick, turned into a brown-furred pegasus, bowed.

"Any questions?"

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Tyler, that wasn't a question." Tyler had been turned into a phoenix that heavily resembled a red chicken whose feathers flamed heavily at the tips.

"...Aaaaaaah?"

As his hands were bound, Chef smacked his head against the inside of the orb. "I _hate_ Tartarus."

* * *

 **The Heroes: Shawn, Sky, Dave, Jasmine, Sanders [water], Ryan, Trent, Noah, Emma, DJ [earth], Zoey, Stephanie, Izzy, Owen, Carrie [fire], Tom, Jen, B, Beardo, and Harold [air].  
**

 **The Invaders: Jacques, Bridgette, Sierra, Sammy, Devin [water], Miles, Laurie, Katie, Sadie, Lightning [earth], Sugar, Eva, Duncan, Leshawna, Jay [fire], Kitty, Sam, Ella, Cody, and Lindsay [air].  
**

 **The Monsters: Mike (hydra), Cameron (mega death crab), Justin (siren), Dawn (naiad), MacArthur (whirlpool monster) [water], Jo (giantess), Amy (gorgon), Courtney (impenetrable lioness), Geoff (centaur), Gwen (gegenee) [earth], Alejandro (European dragon), Tyler (phoenix), Josee (hellhound), Taylor (chimera), Crimson (manbull) [fire], Heather (harpy), Scarlett (sphinx), Brick (pegasus), Topher (hippalectryon), and Ennui (eidolon) [air].**

 **Hosts: Chris (King Chris the Wicked Awesome), Chef (the Titan Hatchetus)**

 **Interns: Miranda (Queen Miranda the Dullard)**

* * *

 _Heroes_

"Stay close, Zoey. We have no idea what we might find here," Shawn said. They, plus DJ and Tom, made up the scouting mission for more temples and had wandered off into a swamp. "Like zombies! Did you know that there are zombies in Greek mythology?!"

"Dude, calm yourself down!" Tom admonished. "We're just looking for some more gear!" He gasped. "Look, there's a temple right there!" It was Rock's. "Oh Great God Rock, please help us protect our home!" The statue glowed orange, and Tom was now holding a weapon that emitted noxious fumes. "Hey, it's a fart gun! Someone get me one of those dinky little yellow guys to test it out on."

"We may have to test it on something else," DJ gulped. A shadowy figure rose from the depths. It was a similar size to Alejandro, but its body was flatter and its neck much longer, its head round with a spiky profile. A blue glow from its amulet was the only light provided, revealing its hide was teal and scaly.

"Shawn, it's a Water Team monster! You're the only one who can take it out!" Tom yelped.

"Not really! It's no mere dragon!" The head's silhouette split, revealing four more. "That's a hydra! Oh, of COURSE Chris gives us poison gas right next to the thing that's immune to it!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Chris.  
**

"Just a bit of an extra challenge is all." He snickered. "And did you _see_ the look on his face?!"  


* * *

"How are you so sure it's immune?" Zoey asked.

"Because that's the hydra's other power besides regenerating more heads: toxic breath! If it's not immune to it's own poison, it'd die as soon as it hatched! I think! I don't know how Echidna has babies!" DJ shouted. He and the boys screamed and then hightailed it out of there.

"Uh...wait. Light teal scales, spiky head...Mike, is that you?" Zoey asked, smiling.

"And us, dagnabbit!" The shadow cleared. Mike indeed was the hydra, and his other selves were his other heads, the arrangements of frills and spikes matching how they saw themselves in their own eyes. Mike was the only head who was wearing an amulet.

"Oh, you guys are here too. Wow, that must be weird, seeing you all out at once," Zoey commented.

"You get used to it," Svetlana said. "I would shrug but Mike is immortal head, see, so he controls arms and legs." Mike stood up to reveal he had two pairs of froglike arms joined at the shoulder and a single pair of legs resembling a chameleon's. His tail was long and had a fin at the end.

"Ayo, should we eat her?" Vito asked. "I'm really freakin' hungry!"

"How can you be hungry? We only have one stomach, mate," Manitoba pointed out.

"We have our own brains, stupid! And mine's tellin' me that I need to eat somethin' NOW." Vito opened his jaws, revealing his teeth were snakelike.

"Ease up, uncouth fiend! Zoey is a friend. And besides, she's on the Fire team. We can't touch her until the water elementals on the other teams are all out," Chester growled. "As the oldest among us, I'm the one who stayed awake the most during fifth grade's Latin classes!"

"Okay, fine, ya win," Vito grumbled.

Zoey smiled. "You guys are alright."

"Really?" Mike asked. "That means a lot to a guy who was never supposed to exist."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I was born from a one-night-stand. Never knew my birth father. And my mother and stepfather reminded me of it every day until I was freed from them."

"Oh, Mike!" Zoey surprised him by hugging his chest. "That's horrible! No one should have to go through that." They stayed like that for a bit. "Listen, I gotta go, but I promise I won't cut off your heads and burn your neck stumps." She left.

Mike sighed. "If only _all_ people were that nice," he said.

"I most certainly agree!" Cameron, who'd been turned into a jaguar round crab the size of an SUV, said as he emerged from the swamp grasses. In his right claw was a box of matches. "This is what I got when I prayed to Mary's statue. But how are matches supposed to be useful?"

Manitoba had an idea. "Hey Cameron, since you're a crab you breathe differently from a vertebrate. So you could tell us what our toxic breath is made of without passing out!"

"Sure." The five heads opened their mouths and switched from their primary lungs to their secondary lungs. Reddish-brown clouds billowed out when they exhaled, causing some of the plants nearby to wilt. "It's composed of natural nitric oxide and propane gases." Cameron gasped. "Both of which are highly flammable! You guys are pretty smart."

"Aww, flattery is much liked!" Svetlana beamed.

* * *

"We've made landfall!" Miranda announced. The ship's anchor _thwacked_ into the sandy beach. The Invaders quickly began scrambling off the boat, while the Heroes got into position.

"For Queen Miranda!" Katie cried as soon as she touched the ground. Suddenly, she was blasted by the laser cannon and ejected from the game.

"Oh, so _that's_ where the trigger is!" Owen exclaimed.

"We need to get off the boat fast! Otherwise the Monsters will show up and take us all out at once!" Jay said. Suddenly, the boat caught on fire right on cue. He, along with Leshawna, Duncan, and Ella were burned to a crisp and ejected in a flash of blue light.

"How did that happen so fast?" Carrie asked. Behind them, Tyler tried to slink away. He had been the one to ignite the boat, his diminutive size letting him sneak in unnoticed.

But not for long, because an arrow impaled him through the neck and eliminated him. "Because the Monsters are already here," Stephanie said, having gotten the bow and arrow from praying to Ellody's statue.

"You bet we are!" Everyone turned around. Three monsters were making their way towards them: Jo, turned into a 50-foot-tall giantess with a massive club at her waist; Josee, turned into a pitch black poodle the size of an elephant and wreathed in flames; and Topher, turned into a bizarre creature resembling a horse but with a rooster's head, feet, and wings. "And we didn't appreciate you taking out our attack chicken. **CHAAAAAAAAAARGE!** "

And thus the battle began.

* * *

"Uh...please leave, citizens! I don't want to hurt you, but some of my comrades do," Cody winced as he faced off some NPCs. In the middle of their home were two mysterious objects under tarps.

An old man resembling a Socrates caricature looked at him. "Why are you Mirandans even here?"

"Well...do you like King Chris?"

"No, not really."

"Consider us deposing him for you a service."

The man nodded. "You are wise. You do not claim to know everything." He and the other NPCs left.

Cody heard something approach. "Who goes there?" he asked, spinning around, only for something long and scaly to smack him in the head, knocking him against the wall. When he opened his eyes, he saw his assailant.

It was Amy, her upper half human and mostly naked save for a skimpy red bra, her lower half the back end of a Milos viper. Her arms were covered in scales and her fingernails morphed into black claws, while her vestigial legs hung limply from her hips. Her hair was turned into numerous front ends of more, smaller Milos vipers; her lips were painted black and failed to cover twin pairs of venom-filled fangs.

"I do, loser! Prepare to die!" Amy glared at Cody, firing twin purple beams from her eyes right at him. But nothing happened. "What?! Impossible! Any man or woman who finds me attractive gets turned to stone!" Jump cut to a group of men who were rock hard in both senses of the term.

"Because I _don'_ t find you attractive," Cody said weakly.

"Impossible. You're practically drooling over my sister, and we're identical twins."

"Your _personalities_ are different, and yours is awful enough so that it's a pretty big turnoff. Also, I thought you were only supposed to kill people of your element."

"The map I got said that Monsters don't have to play by those rules. And some other things. You don't even know what's here, but _I_ do, and _I_ get to claim the prize." She removed the tarps, revealing both Chet's and Dakota's statues. She bowed to Chet's, which was decorated with amber. "Oh great god Chet, bestow upon me the Power of Earth!" The statue glowed brown, and soon her hands were too. Amy summoned a group of rock columns that pinned Cody to the wall.

"This is too good to be true!" she cackled. "Oh great goddess Dakota, please give me a weapon with which I may free my master!" Dakota's statue glowed hot pink...

And a 16-ton weight fell from the ceiling, crushing Amy under it. The shockwave it released on impact also freed Cody.

"Wow," Cody said to the audience. "Talk about a deus ex machina!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Dakota.  
**

In the real world, Dakota laughed. "I have ALWAYS wanted to do that to Amy!"  


* * *

"And I have always wanted to be a king!" Chris said, resting his legs on some imported Egyptian slaves. "What else do we want? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "The Heroes have recovered some more weapons; so have the Invaders! Meanwhile the Earth power was wasted on Amy, who is dead. Not big surprise."

* * *

 _Heroes_

"This way!" Shawn exclaimed, leading the Water Team to Mike's lair. The rest of them had gotten their own weapons: Sky had a sword (Spud's), Jasmine had a whip (Rodney's), Sanders had a mace (Leonard's), and Dave had a flyswatter (Staci's).

"Now, bro!" Vito commanded. Cameron lit a match while the hydra exhaled. Cameron flicked the match into the cloud and it ignited, killing all but Dave and Sky.

"I don't like these odds," Sky gulped as the hydra approached and reared onto their hind legs, mouths open wide to eat them up. "He's got five brains and regenerates his heads twice over when they're cut off!"

"But he only has one _heart_ and he _can't_ regenerate that," Dave pointed out.

"Oh, right!" Mike's heads froze before Sky drove the sword right into the middle of his chest, coating the sword in brown blood before the body dissipated into blue light.

"Good thing he didn't explode when we punctured his chest, I'd hate for his corpse to take me out too!" Dave exclaimed.

"Well, I couldn't have done it without your help."

"I'm still here, you realize that?" Cameron asked. Suddenly, Brick, a spear in his butt, fell out of the sky and landed on him, ejecting both.

"I didn't pray to _Tammy_ of all people just to kill a stupid horse," Kitty grumbled. "No offense to Brick, of course, but pegasi are just really overrated."

"Don't say that! Think of the bronies!" Sky gasped. "And does this mean you've killed all the other Air elementals?"

"[F WORD] THE BRONIES! And yes, we did. Topher suffocated when Sam got air power from Lorenzo's statue, Jo tripped and took out all the Air Heroes and herself, Heather got stuck in a beartrap we got from Mickey's, Ennui got turned into this cool-looking ghost thing that we zapped with Owen's laser blaster that we stole, and you should've _seen_ Lindsay take out Scarlett."

* * *

 _A few minutes earlier_

"You may not pass until you answer my riddle," Scarlett, turned into a red-furred sphinx with a crow's wings and a scorpion's tail, said, blocking the way to Leshaniqua's statue. "What word becomes shorter when it is added to?"

"Short?" Lindsay guessed.

Scarlett exploded into glitter.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Lindsay.  
**

"Is this a weapon?' Lindsay asked, looking confusedly at the toothbrush she'd gotten from the statue.  


* * *

"Well, I suppose, if you stick it in someone's eye or the toilet and then their mouth," Dave mused.

"Enough talk! Prepare to die!" Kitty retrieved her spear. Unfortunately, at that exact moment they were blasted by a brilliant white flame.

Flying above, Alejandro, now wreathed in flames he'd gotten from Anne Maria, laughed evilly. "I am most overpowered! Time to make good on that."

* * *

Alejandro returned to the beach. "Sam, now would be a good time to use your air power!" Ella gasped.

"Not really! Air _feeds_ fire! And there's not enough carbon dioxide around here for me to use it!" Sam replied. Alejandro blasted the remnants of the Invaders, ensuring the team's need for elimination. His fire was so hot, the weapons, which now included a frying pan (Phil's), an axe (Jazz's), a steakknife (Beth's), a shuriken (Brody's), a spork (Brady's), and a pair of nunchucks (Lauren's), melted into slag.

"We only have two statues left," Emma gulped.

"And a whole lotta monster to get through!" Courtney, turned into a mocha-furred lioness, grinned as the remaining monsters convened. "Plus, you can't hurt me; I'm the Nemean lion! My skin's unbreakable!"

"But her insides aren't," Noah murmured, piecing together an idea. "All Heroes! Hold off the monsters! Emma and I will do something else!"

"What're you gonna do?" Owen asked.

Noah smirked to himself. "We're grounding Alejandro," he said to Emma. She nodded firmly and the lovers took off.

"Oh no you don't!" Gwen tried to snatch them, but they were too small. They bobbed and weaved through the crowd, dodging claws and tails and teeth before escaping into the city.

"Thanks a lot, Gwen!" Taylor, now a bizarre monster with a goat's head and an anaconda's tail on a lion's body, complained.

"It's not _all_ bad," Alejandro called from above. "For now...I get to find out what fried Butter Boy tastes like." He blasted his flame at the ground and began to chase Owen with it.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Crimson and Geoff.  
**

"SEE?! This is why I hate Al!" Geoff griped. He was turned into a centaur, his lower half a Palomino.  


"I agree with your sentiments. Alejandro is a sadist and I do not like sharing his team," Crimson, her head now a Guernsey cow's, agreed flatly.

* * *

The Cynic Couple finally made it to the two statues in the middle of the city. Zeke and Scott's.

"Aw, seriously? We need to pray to _Scott_?" Noah muttered. "Okay, which of us should do which?"

"Zeke's obviously the water elemental, so whoever prays to him could crush all the monsters by dropping the ocean on them," Emma noted. "And Scott's just got a weapon. But...you have a pretty big grudge against Alejandro, don't you?"

"Yeah. I knew he was trouble when he showed up last January. But I didn't want him to know I knew, so I pretended I'd fallen for his charms. Eventually I had to reveal it when he tried to pull a prank on me and I turned it back on him."

"Mm. So...taking out Alejandro would be your biggest victory, then?"

"No, that would be winning this show. Proving my enemies, my family, and everyone with as dense a brain as Chris', that despite my lack of muscles, despite my high IQ and dislike of most people, that I CAN succeed just as well as they can. But taking out that bastard? It's pretty [f word]ing close."

Emma smiled as Noah knelt in front of Scott's statue. "Hey, Scott, listen, we don't have the best relationship. And rightly so, you tried to cheat my friend out of a fair chance. But Alejandro screwed you over too, so can we put our grudges aside so we can defeat him?"

Scott's statue responded by glowing blue. When it was done, Noah held a metal stake as long as he was tall. "Your turn," he said to Emma, who nodded and approached Zeke's, which was decorated with lapis.

* * *

 _Heroes, Monsters_

"How many of you are left?" Alejandro asked rhetorically as the remnants of the Heroes huddled together. "Let me count. Two Water, one Earth, three Fire, and no Air for a total of six. While there are ten of us. I think our victory is automatic, no?"

"For someone as smart as you, you sure don't know how to count!" The Monsters looked up to see Emma.

"And what's a twerp like you going to do about it?" Taylor sneered.

"It is unwise to be so confident in oneself, Taylor," Dawn said gently. She was the most human of them, but her ears were pointed, her azure-painted fingers and toes webbed, and she was clad in a chiton made of lilypads. "Emma may be on the same alliance as I am, but she is still a hard foe to beat."

"Especially when I have water power," Emma added. Her palms glowed blue. "Drink up, because a lot of liquid's coming your way!"

"What does she mean by that, brah?" Geoff asked Josee.

Josee turned around and her jaw dropped. "That we should've left the beach a long time ago."

A towering wave crashed into the beach, tugged and yanked by Emma's newfound Power of Water. The concussive forces shattered bones, ruptured organs, and turned brains to nonfunctional goop, eliminating Monsters left and right. Josee was killed when the water put out her fire, while Courtney's impenetrable skin confined the shockwaves to the inside of her body, thereby worsening their severity. The heroes, though, were protected by a bubble.

"Impossible!" Alejandro cried when he saw Dawn disappear in blue light. "She is a water nymph!"

"She's a naiad. A _fresh_ water nymph. We figured she'd be highly sensitive to salt," Noah said as he clambered out of the hole in the beach he'd dug beneath the Heroes. "As for those two," he said, pointing to Justin, here a brown-tailed mermaid with sharp teeth, "sirens still need to breathe air and _almost nothing_ could withstand being smacked into the ground at 50 miles an hour." After Justin disappeared, he pointed to MacArthur, who'd been turned into a massive blue thing resembling a mix between a frilled lizard and an axolotl with an enormous mouth. "And Charybdis here is exclusively marine, so her organs would collapse if she ventured on land." MacArthur disappeared, leaving the Latin Mastermind the only Monster still standing.

"But you still have _me_ to contend with," Alejandro snarled.

"Uh...doesn't water _put out_ fire?" Carrie asked. Alejandro realized that yes, it did, and his wings had been sprained when the wave had hit him, so he couldn't fly away.

"Not so mighty now, are you?" Noah calmly walked over to Alejandro and propped his mouth open with the stake. "Hold still, this is gonna be the most painful thing you've ever felt." He drew his wooden sword and drove it upwards through the dragon's skull into his brain. Alejandro's body disappeared.

The Heroes, after a grueling battle, had won. They disappeared into blue light...

* * *

Back in the real world, Alejandro was glaring at Noah furiously; Amy had found out Dakota's prank and was doing the same to the intern, who was whistling not-so-innocently. "Well I'll be! The Heroes win just like the myths say they do! Wow!" Chris exclaimed.

"We get it, you thought the highly-overpowered Monsters would beat us into dust," Jasmine grumbled.

"Anyhow, a deal's a deal. As Sky, Dave, Trent, Noah, Emma, Izzy, Owen, and Carrie were still alive when Alejandro bit it in more ways than one, they win! Their prize? Drumroll please...an all-expenses-paid trip to the Museum of Contemporary Art Toronto Canada!

"And Monsters, you died second, but you're still my favorite team, and you put up a really good fight. Your prize? Greek yogurt, chicken gyros, goat cheese, and grapes!

"Now for the Invaders. Thank you so much! You proved that my interns could _never_ rise against me." Miranda facepalmed. "But you still lost. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Invaders, someone's going home!"

"Chris, can we stay inside a little longer?" Sky asked.

"Why? It's perfectly fine outside!" He opened the door only to get a faceful of snow. "Never mind."

* * *

Duncan grimaced when he saw Katie and Sadie cuddling together in the cold. "Why does everyone else get to have a perfect love life but me?" he grumbled. Then he got an evil idea. "Okay, next time for sure, I'm breaking things off with Courtney and asking Gwen out. But first...if _I_ can't be with the one I love, neither can anyone else...and Devin's enough of a tool for it to go through..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sam.**

"I've wanted this chance for a long time now. It's time we get some fair competitors around here!" He wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Leshawna.**

"It's right time that stuck-up pig got what she deserves!" She wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Miles.**

"I respect Katie and Sadie because they're another powerful same-sex couple. However, Katie died first, plus she's not a vegan." She wrote KATIE on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Ella.  
**

"I still refuse to vote," Ella said. She doodled a :( on her slip of paper, which was her way of letting Chris know that her vote didn't count.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Twenty marshmallows stood on the plate, six of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because I'm the drama god. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are–"

"Chris! I found this sha-inside my pillowcase!" Lightning exclaimed, tossing him an immunity idol.

"Emma's idol! Not bad!" Chris said on turning it over, grinning gleefully. The Misfits gasped.

Then Chris glared at Lightning. "IF you'd gotten any _votes_!" He tossed a white marshmallow at Lightning's head, and as it connected the Misfits sighed in relief. "If you don't get any votes, you just waste an immunity idol and give someone else immunity!" He deactivated the idol. "Our _other_ recipients of the mighty whiteys are Bridgette, Devin, Miles, Laurie, Sadie, Eva, Duncan, Leshawna, Jay, Kitty, Sam, Ella, and Lindsay." He was clearly cross.

Chris pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Cody and Sammy, you two managed to get some hate! I think this is your first vote, isn't it, Cody?"

"Yeah, but I'm hoping it's gonna be my last," Cody replied confidently.

"Sure it will." Then Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Sierra, two votes. Jacques, four votes."

"But who would vote for me?" Sierra asked. Behind her, Sammy and Cody looked at each other, the former making the "cuckoo" gesture.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Katie. Sugar."

Katie gulped, while Sugar smiled cockily.

"Katie, you died first, meaning you're a weak link. Sugar, no explanations are needed. By just one vote more...

...

...

...

...

"Katie is done for!"

"WHAT?!" half the team shrieked.

"Hey, we needed to break up the voting blocks who aren't us," Duncan replied nonchalantly.

"Dude, they aren't supposed to know about–"

"Devin, Noah outed us many challenges ago! Everyone knows about the Guy's Alliance now."

"...Oh."

* * *

Sadie sniffled. "Promise to stay in touch with me, okay boo?"

"Of course, babe." The BFFFLs turned lovers shared one last kiss before Katie turned around and got on the boat.

Sadie quickly collected herself. "Well, on the plus side I won't need to go against her during the final ten..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Topher.**

"Hm...Chris seemed really angry that Emma didn't get eliminated. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to question why I'm a fan of him."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"Good thing Lightning's an idiot! And good thing I recovered this from his pillowcase so he won't be able to use it." He showed the camera another idol, this one marked LINDSAY.  


* * *

"Well, good thing I don't have to become so egregiously nerdy until next time," Chris said. He was in the bathroom of the Good Cabin. "Twenty-five down. Fifty-nine remain. Who'll get their own constellation for their heroism and who's gonna be eaten by Rome? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Your metaphorsh are getting weirder, you know that?" Emma asked through a mouth full of toothpaste, thoroughly creeped out that Chris was there.

"I didn't HAVE to give you immunity, you know!"

"No, according to your contract, you _were_." Chris realized this and groaned.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Jacques – Katie  
**

 ** ** **Bridgette – Jacques  
******

 ** **Sierra – Sammy  
****

 ** ** **Sammy – Sierra  
******

 ** **Devin – Katie  
****

 ** ** ** **Miles – Katie  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Laurie – Katie  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Katie – Jacques  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sadie – Jacques  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Lightning – Cody  
****************

 **Sugar – Katie  
**

 **Eva – Sugar  
**

 ** ** **Duncan – Katie  
******

 ** **Leshawna – Sugar****

 ** ** ** **Jay – Sugar********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Kitty – Sugar************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sam – Jacques  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Ella – Didn't vote  
********************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Cody – Sierra************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Lindsay – Sugar****************************

 **Results: 6-5-4-2-1-1 Katie-Sugar-Jacques-Sierra-Sammy-Cody  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (9)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"Man, I love being king!" the body Chris had taken control over declared back in the virtual world.

"Yeah, well, we don't love being your subjects!" the Socrates impersonator said. He whistled, and the _full_ Mirandan army showed up. The queen Miranda had played, this time with her own face, snapped her fingers, and a new group of monsters, led by the now-freed Titan, appeared.

The king gulped. "Well, crap."


	35. 2-5: Beach Blanket Bogus

**Wow, two milestones in a row! With this chapter, THD crosses the 200,000 word mark! And this will be one of the whammiest wham episodes if I ever saw one!**

 **Lara2244: Plot twist! And karma for the big dragon kahuna!**

 **StarHeart Specials: That means so much, thanks! Yep, Emma's getting a little taste of immunity herself. I don't like Lightning, so unlike in ROTI where he starts off a little competent and then just gets dumber, here he's a moron from the outset. To be fair, though, it's been a while since Chris went over the immunity idol rules, which he doesn't exactly have posted on the walls.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I love detail. And I know what it's like to feel old, I've been around literally since the Upper Jurassic.**

 **Joel Connell: Yep! Chris' plans for ensuring popular people domination keep getting hampered by the fact that many of his champions aren't too bright. Noah's idol collection is going to become a _very_ important plot point in due time. The moment where Sky and Dave beat Mike is definitely meant to jumpstart their bonding (ditto the moments before for Mike and Zoey), but Chris will go and ruin it like he always does. Katie was at risk because she only had one person really looking out for her, plus she hasn't contributed as much to the competition as some of the others. After the show itself is done, I'm going to do one final chapter that serves as an epilogue 20 years later, with a special surprise in store. Thanks for the reviews and your followship, and as you can see with this chapter, I'm gonna be adapting a LOT of the TDA challenges!  
**

 **JokerCarnage5: Thanks! It's great to see you here old friend!**

* * *

 _Friday, November 24, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – it was Greek to me! [Mirandan boat making landfall] We took a break from the snow and went to ancient Greece, where the Heroes faced off against the Invaders! And the Monsters [Brick bowing to Chef] tried to kill them all! We had some moments that were quite heartfelt [Zoey hugging Mike] and some that weren't quite so touching. [Amy getting killed by the explicitly blatant Marty Viper reference] Ultimately, Emma's knowledge of blunt force trauma [Emma colony dropping the ocean] scored the Heroes the win, and SOMEONE was dumb enough to give her immunity on top of that. [Lightning getting nailed in the face with his marshmallow] The Invaders, though, sucked trash, and Duncan was so upset about his failing love life with Courtney [previously unseen footage of Impenetrable Lioness!Courtney and Duncan bickering once again] that he disrupted Katie and Sadie's. [Katie's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Fifty-nine contestants remain. Who'll boogie the best and who'll wipe out the worst? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Mess Hall_

Trent grimaced at the brown slop in front of him. "Maybe this'll taste better if I put some spices on it," he muttered. He grabbed the nearest salt and pepper shakers and turned them over. He got a lot more spice than he'd expected when the tops popped off, dumping the entirety of their contents onto his plate. "Not what I meant. Okay, who unscrewed the tops of the shakers?"

Behind him, Duncan burst out laughing, only to suddenly stop when he noticed Courtney's death glare. "Aw, c'mon, princess! It's funny!"

"Not really! This sort of immature humor is only going to tick people off!"

"Are you suggesting I up my prank game?" Duncan asked slyly.

Courtney facepalmed. "No, Duncan, not what I meant." She dropped her hands. "I'm only trying to protect you! Can't you see that?"

"Maybe I don't NEED protection. Yeah, maybe I can handle myself just fine! WITHOUT your help!"

"Sorry to burst the drama bubble, but we've got a challenge, so meet me at the campfire!" Chris said over the PA system.

"...How the heck did he know about our argument from where he is?" Courtney asked, dumbfounded.

" _I_ don't."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Alejandro.  
**

"Duncan has been itching to let go of Courtney for months now," Alejandro noted. "And I believe this may finally be the day." He pulled out an opened plastic bag of popcorn. "If that is the case, then I believe I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the show." He chuckled darkly and tossed a piece into his mouth.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Owen.  
**

Alejandro had left the popcorn behind, and Owen was now eating it. "Al is the only guy I know who can make popcorn taste evil," he grimaced. "What's even _in_ this stuff?" he asked as he turned the bag around so he could look at the ingredients list.  


* * *

"Okay little dudes, who's ready for the beach?" Chris asked.

"It's November. There's snow on the ground. Are you TRYING to kill us?" Amy asked.

"Isn't that obvious by the twenty-sixth challenge?" Eva grunted.

"I know, it doesn't SEEM like you'll be able to have an awesome beach party challenge in the fall!" Geoff and Bridgette sighed at this. "BUT do recall I've Climate Hall! See, it rhymes."

"Dude, don't explain the joke, it's less funny that way," Noah snarked.

"Says you. Follow me!"

* * *

 _Climate Hall_

"We're doing a multi-part challenge themed after those cheesy teen beach movies. First, though, I will break you into your teams, of which there will be two.

"Gwen, you are the captain of...the Screaming Gaffers! You will have dominion over Duncan, DJ, Harold, Heather, Leshawna, Bridgette, Zoey, Sierra, Cody, Sugar, Tyler, Tom, Jacques, Crimson, Ennui, Brick, Ella, Dave, Laurie, Sadie, Sam, Lightning, Stephanie, B, Sanders, MacArthur, Dawn, Jay, and Cameron!

"Trent, you are the captain of...the Killer Grips! You have dominion over everyone else."

"What's a grip? And what's a gaffer?" Devin asked, scratching his head under his hat.

"A grip is a stagehand who adjusts the props 'n' scenery. A gaffer is the person who handles the lighting," Leshawna explained. "Jazz did some of both in the theater troop back home, so I kinda picked it up along the way."

"It's nerd osmosis!" Harold exclaimed.

"I guess it kinda is."

"What it is more is a cheap takeoff of the Screaming Gophers and Killer Bass," Scarlett remarked, earning some laughs.

"Hey, does anyone else pronounce 'Bass' like the instrument when they read it in the story?" Everyone stopped and looked at Lindsay. "...What?"

"No breaking the 4th wall at Climate Hall," Chris remarked. "The challenge goes as follows. For part one there are two enormous surfboards I've suspended over the cinnamon water from the second challenge. Your entire team is gonna stand on it and try to balance on it...while Chef throws things at you! The team with the most members still on the board by the time the surfing music stops wins a half-hour headstart.

"Headstart for what, you may ask? Why, building sandcastles just like your massive snow forts from the third challenge! Whoever does the best when I call time wins an advantage for the next part: a dance-off! The advantage is ten minutes of preptime. Your captains will need to do a very specific dance routine, and as soon as one of them messes up, their team kicks someone out! Good luck!"

* * *

 **Screaming Gaffers: Gwen, Duncan, DJ, Harold, Heather, Leshawna, Bridgette, Zoey, Sierra, Cody, Sugar, Tyler, Tom, Jacques, Crimson, Ennui, Brick, Ella, Dave, Laurie, Sadie, Sam, Lightning, Stephanie, B, Sanders, MacArthur, Dawn, Jay, and Cameron.**

 **Killer Grips: Trent, Shawn, Sky, Jasmine, Ryan, Noah, Emma, Izzy, Owen, Carrie, Jen, Beardo, Sammy, Devin, Miles, Kitty, Lindsay, Mike, Justin, Jo, Amy, Courtney, Geoff, Alejandro, Josee, Taylor, Scarlett, and Topher.  
**

* * *

"Wait a minute, hold up. We're in winter clothing. And I am NOT getting this sweater wet," Jen pointed out.

"Don't worry! I had the interns fetch your bathing suits for you," Chris explained. The teens looked at each other in concern.

* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.**

"Seriously? That's a breach of privacy, man! Not cool!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Dudley.**

"Well, the good news is, Sierra's not as creepy as I feared she was."

* * *

 **Confessional – Billy.**

Billy shuddered. "I had no idea those magazines existed...or that Izzy was able to smuggle them over..."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Izzy.**

"Hey, I'm a girl with needs! Be glad it's not anything REALLY weird like inflation or vore!" Izzy shook her head, frowning and sighing. "DeviantArt goes places even Izzy won't go."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Fella.**

"Hmmm...maybe I _should_ make my guidelines stricter," the website in question's robotic mascot mused.  


* * *

Inside Climate Hall, there were four portable lockers. Two were red and adorned with the logo of the Killer Grips, a clenched fist, while two were green and adorned with that of the Screaming Gaffers, a lightbulb and crossbones. There was a "MEN" and a "WOMEN" on one each of the pair. The contestants quickly figured out that these were to be used for changing into their bathing suits.

"Nice suit, Gwen!" Tom said as Gwen left her locker with a dark purple one-piece with a few gray stripes. "That new?"

"Thanks! Yeah, it is. Mom sent it over for my birthday. My old one was getting a little ratty."

"I agree, this is much better than that last one," Duncan remarked as he went in to change.

Gwen smiled at this, blushing faintly, something Tom noticed. "You like him?" the Fashion Blogger asked.

"Little bit, yeah. He's just so straightforward. I liked him before he and Courtney met, but I just want him to be happy."

 _Little do you know, Gothy, that me being happy means me being with you,_ Duncan thought, lifting his head higher.

* * *

"Alright, everyone's changed! Good! Now get on the boards!" Chris announced. The boards were roughly the same size as the boat that took people home, seventy feet of hardened plastic foam. They were color-coded for the teams, and suspended on five clawed supports. Underneath the boards were many foam pellets to "cushion" the fall, soaked in a tub of cinnamon water. "Chef, you ready?"

Chef clicked his leech shooter. "Affirmative, Pretty Boy!"

"Then let's begin!" Chris pulled out a boombox and turned it on. _Misirlou_ began playing.

* * *

Over the next two minutes and thirty-six seconds, various things got thrown at the campers. Leeches, stale meatballs, interns, the usual. Trent was the first to fall, cursing his bad luck on that day after coughing violently on the cinnamon water. Owen was next, landing on top of the poor chap, and Trent was lucky he didn't drown. And others continued to fail at staying on, dropping off and making the pile of tangled limbs and bruised joints even worse.

* * *

By the time the song ended, Sierra, Crimson, and Ennui were still on for the Gaffers, and Jasmine, Ryan, Noah, and Amy for the Grips. "Well, looks like the Killer Grips win this round! You guys get to start your sandcastles right now!" A dumptruck had arrived in the building and it dumped a large pile of sand on the floor. Some of the sand was picked up into the air, covering the teens.

"How did a truck get in here?" Justin asked, trying to get sand and cinnamon out of his hair.

"I believe there are a set of hidden doors large enough for vehicles somewhere in the walls," Scarlett explained.

"Oh, I thought it was going to be something weirder."

"Chris does seem to wield powers no man should."

"Hey, can you quit yakking so we can build the stupid sandcastle already?" Amy asked.

"I suppose."

"Wow, so much in-fighting!" Chris said, grinning. "Will it get worse? Find out after these messages."

"Aren't we supposed to have shovels or something?" Emma asked. Chris chucked a plastic shovel at her face in response. " _Ow_! I'll take that as a yes."

Noah silently glared at Chris, a tranquil fury slowly boiling...

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Due to the Grips having one more person on their surfboard than the Gaffers, they've won a half-hour headstart on their sandcastle! So let's see how they've used their time, shall we?"

* * *

"Man, I wish we had some more water, this thing's not doing so well," Topher frowned. Despite their headstart, they were having difficulty getting their castle to stay up, due to not having much water on hand to stick the sand together with.

"I can help with that!" Izzy exclaimed. She rummaged through her cleavage, pulling out various items, among them a pack of ballpoint pens, a neon sign, and an anchor. "Here we go!" she said finally on finding a gallon bottle of water.

"...How are you able to hide that much stuff in there?" Sky asked.

"We stopped questioning that a long time ago, trust me," Shawn replied. "Thanks Iz. Now that we have a source of water we can actually start building our sandcastle. Hope there aren't any beach zombies here."

"Don't think that's likely, mate," Jasmine said as she poured the water into the sand. "The floor beneath us is rock-hard concrete. And the only other way in is through extreme cold."

"Frostbite can't stop the undead."

"You have a point."

* * *

 _Screaming Gaffers  
_

"Okay, so while they're busy working, we should work on possible designs. That way, if we know what we want to build, we can catch up pretty quickly," Stephanie explained.

"A sound plan," Crimson affirmed emotionlessly. "I do like the castles of Romania, but I feel they may be too complex for us to build."

"Not necessarily," Duncan pondered. "Chris never said our sandcastle had to be _pure_ sand. So what if we whipped up some paper-mache and mixed some sand into that?"

"Well, it _would_ stay up better," Gwen mused, "and you're right that Chris gave us such an obvious loophole. So I think we should go for it."

* * *

 _Killer Grips  
_

"Okay, we've made good progress. Time to stick the flags in," Trent said. The sandcastle was about the height of a vending machine now. Alejandro handed him some little flags they'd made with Chris' face on them to score some extra points with the host.

"Why nine of them?" Miles asked. "Is nine special?"

"My luck's been _really_ down today, and nine's my lucky number. It was the number of the locomotive my grandpa drove back when he worked on the CNR, and he was _always_ on time. So I'm trying to regain lost ground," Trent explained.

"Oh," Miles nodded. "I see what you mean. I always do stuff to improve my luck with the Reiki energy too."

"Whatever floats your boat." Trent placed the last of the flags into the sandcastle...which immediately collapsed.

"Maybe we needed _l_ _ess_ water after all," Justin remarked.

"Or maybe we needed a better captain," Josee snapped.

"Chill out! We've still got time to rebuild it," Noah remarked.

"Not for long we don't. Our time lead just expired," Courtney said nervously after checking her watch.

* * *

 _Screaming Gaffers  
_

"My fanfictions!" Sierra shrieked as her printouts were wrestled away from her.

"Sierra, it's for the greater good of the team! And besides, they're online! You can just print them again!" Gwen replied.

"Oh yeah..."

"Tyler, water!" Tyler tossed her his water bottle. Gwen emptied its contents and mixed the wet paper with sand, before rapidly molding it.

* * *

"Annnnnnd time!" Chris announced. The Killer Grips had mostly rebuilt their sandcastle, and it now only had one Chris-faced flag. "Could've used more me flags, but it's certanly big enough! But oh, size doesn't matter because the Screaming Gaffers have the more complex sandcastle!" Indeed, it was much more realistic than their opponents' despite being only the size of a microwave. "So Gwen gets to prepare for the final part and Trent does not! The rest of you get to watch their performance to see who's the king or the queen of the beach!"

* * *

While Gwen was inside the Gaffer Girls' changing room preparing for the final part, Courtney was fuming. "That's so not fair! We worked so hard on ours and the other team just skirts right in with a paper-mache sculpture!"

"Hey, Chris didn't say we couldn't," Duncan shrugged.

Courtney growled. "Duncan, honestly, you need to be taking this show a lot more seriously than you are!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! Like, why'd your alliance take out Katie? She didn't do anything to endanger you guys!"

"She's right!" Sadie agreed.

"Why haven't you eliminated someone who's tougher competition, like Jacques or Josee? Or a known cheater, like Sugar? Or Noah and Emma, who're leading the biggest alliance here that's been storming through with minimal losses?"

"HEY!" the first three barked indignantly.

"She's got a point," Noah commented.

"And I'm starting to question your allegiance to Alejandro, too." Alejandro's eyes narrowed at her comment.

"Oh, like you can tell me what to do! And it's not like you're any better, Miss Let's-Ally-With-Heather-And-Scott! You know what? Forget it. I'm done!" He stormed off angrily.

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"Yeah, it's official. Courtney and I aren't an item anymore," Duncan said. He smirked. "I feel like a new man."  


However, he didn't realize that he'd neglected to _tell_ Courtney that he considered their relationship terminated, meaning that _she_ didn't consider themselves broken up.

* * *

Eventually, the ten minutes of prep time were up. Gwen and Trent walked up to a portable TV screen.

"Okay maggots, the moves are here! Trent, this is your first time seeing them, Gwen, this isn't." The screen was covered with multicolored shoeprints that went all over the place.

Trent gulped. "That's...complex..."

"It certainly is!" Chris agreed.

Chef continued. "I'm gonna play Mambo No. 5. The original song from 1949, not the 1999 one about two-timin' or the 2017 one about suicidal anime girls. You gotta dance along to these exact beats. Every thirty seconds, the speed'll go up twenty percent. Whoever missteps first loses it."

"Good luck, chumps!" Chris said as Chef turned on the radio.

"May the best person win," Gwen said.

"Yeah, yeah, I hope so," Trent sighed.

Chef turned on the boombox and the song began. Despite the complexity of the dance moves, Trent was doing pretty well. But when the music sped up from 100% to 120%, he found it harder to keep up with.

Once the music had sped up a second time, going from 120% to 144%, it was worse. And again when it went from 144% to 172.8%. When it sped up a fourth time to 207.36%, he couldn't keep up any longer and fell on his butt.

"Gwen wins it for the Screaming Gaffers!" Her team cheered. "She's the queen of the beach!"

"TRENT YOU LITTLE–"

"Josee, calm your buns! It's not that important!" Jasmine admonished.

"Do you even KNOW what one could do with five million dollars?! DO YOU?!"

"Well, anyway, meet me at the campfire at eight, Killer Grips, someone's going home! But before you leave, please remember to change back into your winter clothes."

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"Josee's going nuts as her team continues to lose, and Courtney's right about her being tough competition." She wrote JOSEE on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Topher.**

"Wow, fast episode. 'Course, most of it's actions our dinosaurian writer's too lazy to describe," Topher commented.  


 **"WILL YOU JUST VOTE ALREADY?!"** **s** omeone _very_ important snapped from offscreen.

"Okay, okay! Trent bugged up, so he's going." Topher wrote TRENT on a piece of paper.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"Josee's been nothing but mean, and I don't want her hurting anyone else," Owen said. He wrote JOSEE on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.  
**

"I need to get the Ice Dancers on my side. I have a new plan to destabilize the Misfits and I need their help in order to succeed." He wrote TRENT on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we go through the process of eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Twenty-nine marshmallows were on the plate, a mere four of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because the anticipation itches like sand in your trunks, and I like seeing you guys suffer. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Shawn, Sky, Jasmine, Ryan, Noah, Emma, Zoey, Izzy, Owen, Carrie, Jen, Beardo, Sammy, Devin, Miles, Kitty, Lindsay, Mike, Justin, Courtney, Geoff, Alejandro, Taylor, Scarlett, and Topher." They all got their marshmallows.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you. However, today we don't have any." Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Jo has a pair of votes against her, while Amy has five."

"Ugh, SERIOUSLY? This joke is getting old!" Amy griped.

"So is our tolerance of you, Sheila," Jasmine grumbled.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're out. Josee. Trent."

Josee snarled at Trent.

"Josee, you've got the temper of a bear with fleas. In other words, not much of one. Trent, meanwhile, you did a bad job of being a captain. In fact, you were a real _crap_ -tain." He laughed sinisterly at his own joke. "It's twelve versus ten...

...

...

...

...

"And it's Josee who got that ten! Trent, you're out!"

"Today just wasn't my day, was it?" Trent sighed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"I hate to see Trent go, but on the other hand, at least now he won't have to suffer at the hands of Chris any more," Gwen said.  


"And neither will I," Duncan added, appearing in the confessional.

"Duncan? But...I thought the confessional door locked behind you."

"Me too. Either you didn't pull it closed all the way, or the lock's busted. But hey, it's still a good thing either way. I heard what you said earlier about liking me."

"Yeah, well...you and Courtney."

"Not really. We broke up."

"Oh? So that's what that fight I heard happening while I was prepping for the dance ended up with?"

"Yep. And now I'm free to do whatever I want. Like this." He pulled Gwen close and kissed her. The Snarky Goth was surprised by the sudden gesture, but eventually relaxed.

The wind blew the confessional door open even more, and the brief flash of color caught a passing Tyler's attention. He tiptoed over, and his jaw dropped when he saw what was inside, before he silently ran away before either of them noticed.

* * *

"Duncan's a heartbreaker, alright!" Chris chuckled. He stood in Climate Hall. "Twenty-six down. Fifty-eight remain. Who'll wash away the failure and who won't get a bucket full of five million big ones? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He walked forward, then heard a _squelch_. He looked down and saw that he'd stepped in some leftover paper-mache that was still wet. "Ewwwwww, my best beach sneakers!"

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Trent – Amy  
**

 ** ** **Shawn – Josee  
******

 ** **Sky – Trent  
****

 ** ** **Jasmine – Amy  
******

 ** **Ryan – Trent  
****

 ** ** ** **Noah – Josee  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Emma – Josee  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Zoey – Jo  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Izzy – Josee  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Owen – Josee  
****************

 **Carrie – Josee  
**

 **Jen – Trent  
**

 ** ** **Beardo – Josee  
******

 ** ** ** **Sammy – Jo  
********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Devin – Trent  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Miles – Trent  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Kitty – Josee  
********************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Lindsay – Josee  
****************************

 **Mike – Josee  
**

 ** ** **Justin – Amy  
******

 ** **Jo – Trent  
****

 ** ** **Amy – Trent  
******

 ** **Courtney – Trent  
****

 ** ** ** **Geoff – Amy  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Alejandro – Trent  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Josee – Trent  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Taylor – Trent  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Scarlett – Amy  
****************

 **Topher – Trent**

 **Results: 12-10-5-2 Trent-Josee-Amy-Jo  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (8)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

Tyler rocked back and forth in the fetal position. "I'm so dead," he gulped.


	36. 2-6: This Is The Pits!

**Review time!  
**

 **StarHeart Specials: Yeah, that was symbolic, since Trent and Gwen broke up two years before this fanfiction is set. Courtney and Gwen'll go through a bit of a rough spot, but here, Duncan simply forgot to tell Courtney that he considered their relationship terminated, so that'll be cleared up next time. If you check my bio and my DeviantArt page, you'll see that I'm actually anthropomorphic, and my front paws have become hands. Although finding a computer with big enough keys _has_ been a challenge, I'll admit that.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! Although I've never gotten a chance to hear the Bob the Builder version.**

 **Lara2244: Thanks! Noah's rib injury is why he dislikes physical competitions, though it mainly serves as something to motivate him to work hard against. The love triangle is _definitely_ going to be better-developed than in the canon.**

 **AN: I probably don't need to clarify what StuckHome is a parody of.**

* * *

 _Monday, November 27, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – surf was down! [Trent falling into the cinnamon water] Though the last episode was short, it sure was sweet. Or rather, cinnamon-y. [Owen landing on Trent] We paid an homage to beach movies by surfing stupidly [Lindsay getting a cat thrown at her face during the surfboard challenge], building sandcastles in the sand [Killer Grips' castle collapsing] and dancing. [Chef revealing the steps to the McLean Mambo, as we are now calling it] The Grips did the best first, then the Gaffers, and it was Gaffers for the win. You see, Trent's luck was spectacularly bad that day [footage of Trent's day just getting worse and worse] and it got him thrown out. [Trent's elimination] Duncan, on the other hand, did quite well in his love life [Duncan fighting with Courtney, cut to Duncan kissing Gwen]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Fifty-eight contestants remain. Who's going to be on, or rather _in_ , the ball, and who'll cave in? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Good Cabin  
_

The rest of the team was elsewhere. Alejandro had taken the Ice Dancers into the room he'd slept in for the previous three nights to talk.

"And just _why_ do you want to speak to us?" Jacques asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Because although we are at odds, we nonetheless have common goals," Alejandro explained. "Josee, you were nearly eliminated last challenge."

"And don't remind me about that!" she snarled.

Alejandro flinched, but continued. "Would you be interested to know that it was because of me that you stayed and Trent left?"

"Why'd you keep me, then? Because you are shortsighted like Duncan?"

Alejandro laughed. "Oh no, not at all. Because I need your help."

Acoustic guitar music began to play, and Alejandro, not breaking eye contact, began to sing.

 _The name of this game, is the pursuit of fame,_

 _And what we will do just to get it._

 _But if we three are to succeed, what we're going to need,_

 _Is a choice that we won't be regretting._

 _The Misfits are our biggest problem;_

 _With them here, we've no chance at all!_

 _But I have a plan that will ensure us a win_ –

 _And for that, oh, the Misfits must fall._

"But how are we going to do that?" Josee asked.

"Simple. We break them." As Alejandro continued, shadows began to dance on the walls.

 _Isabelle's in a permanent craze, and Noah just cannot be fazed_

 _(And I thought_ my _brothers were bad!),  
_

 _And the butter-boy's too much of an eternal optimist;_

 _For too long he just can't stay sad._

 _So to commit this sin, we'll pursue Emma Xin,_

 _for her sanity's in a precarious state,_

 _As the great big mistake, who was that treacherous Jake,_

 _Has left her quite easy to bait._

 _We'll simply go target her sister,_

 _The one keeping her on the ball._

 _And once we devote, all our power to the vote,_

 _Oh, the Misfits, they are gonna fall._

"Ohhh, that's a very brilliant idea!" Jacques said.

" _Oui oui_!" Josee agreed. They joined in the song, and the shadows continued to dance.

 _Josee: With Kitsune gone, Emma will definitely try to protect,_

 _The boy that she now holds so dear._

 _Jacques: But in doing so, their relationship will begin to strain,_

 _Making it easier for us to interfere._

 _Alejandro: With Emma not herself, her alliance will be shelved,_

 _Into the contestants of history._

 _And when the last of them takes that stupid boat home,_

 _All: It'll be our time for victory!_

 _All: With them out of the way, we're going to dominate,_

 _And we'll make it to the part where the vote is no more._

 _Alejandro: Though Heather must go before the arrival of that date;_

 _She knows my weaknesses, a risk I just can't afford._

 _But of course, that won't be as thrilling for me,_

 _Jacques: As it will be securing a spot in the final three!_

 _Josee: So we're going to ensure that we make the right call:_

 _All: That the Misfits are going to..._

 ** _FALL!_**

They cackled evilly.

* * *

 _Sometime later_

"Okay my friends, remember the Drama Mine?" Chris asked.

"I'd rather I didn't," Jasmine shuddered.

"Well, you're going back down there! And in those inflatable person-sized hamster balls, no less."

"Okay, I'll bite, what the heck _are_ you smoking?" Ryan asked incredulously.

"Nothing at all! A good host doesn't ruin his lungs, otherwise no one would be able to hear his beautiful voice."

"Beautiful my pale, freckled rear," Gwen muttered.

"Anyways, I'm gonna blindfold you all and stick you in the balls, then send you down the Drama Mine into its various side caverns. Once inside, you will lose the blindfolds and the balls and find your way back to the transport tube. The team that gets all of its members out first wins, and the last votes someone out.

"We're going to break into four teams, two each of fourteen and two each of fifteen. The teams will be populated by contestants in alphabetical order. Alejandro, Amy, B, Beardo, Brick, Bridgette, Cameron, Carrie, Cody, Courtney, Crimson, Dave, Dawn, and Devin. You are the Insane Iolites!

"DJ, Duncan, Ella, Emma, Ennui, Eva, Geoff, Gwen, Harold, Heather, Izzy, Jacques, Jasmine, and Jay. You are the Precious Peridots!

"Jen, Jo, Josee, Justin, Kitty, Laurie, Leshawna, Lightning, Lindsay, MacArthur, Mike, Miles, Noah, Owen, and Ryan. You are the Terrific Topazes!

"And the rest of you. You are the Kooky Kunzites!"

"Where'd you get the names from?" Bridgette wanted to know.

"Averaged your names together, took the number for its letter. Since the last team's average was 37, I gave them 26 less than that, which is 11 and therefore K."

* * *

 **Insane Iolites:** **Alejandro, Amy, B, Beardo, Brick, Bridgette, Cameron, Carrie, Cody, Courtney, Crimson, Dave, Dawn, and Devin.**

 **Precious Peridots:** **DJ, Duncan, Ella, Emma, Ennui, Eva, Geoff, Gwen, Harold, Heather, Izzy, Jacques, Jasmine, and Jay.**

 **Terrific Topazes:** **Jen, Jo, Josee, Justin, Kitty, Laurie, Leshawna, Lightning, Lindsay, MacArthur, Mike, Miles, Noah, Owen, and Ryan.  
**

 **Kooky Kunzites: Sadie, Sam, Sammy, Sanders, Scarlett, Shawn, Sierra, Sky, Stephanie, Sugar, Taylor, Tom, Topher, Tyler, and Zoey.**

* * *

Everyone was loaded into the hamster balls, blindfolded. The balls were color-coded: indigo for the Iolites, yellow-green for the Peridots, orange for the Topazes, and mauve for the Kunzites.

Chris opened the hatch for the Drama Mine and began to shove the campers down it. "Good luck everyone!"

"I HATE YOU CHRIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!" Gwen screamed as she rolled down the chute.

* * *

It was a very, VERY bumpy ride down, to say the least. People got bruises and scrapes in various places. The worst part was that they wouldn't be stopping once they entered the mine itself; no, they'd get punted down into the depths of the side corridors.

But things would become very bad very soon. Mike hit a bump in the ramp and was launched into the ceiling. The ball stopped; his head didn't.

* * *

Inside Mike's brain, the embodiments of his personalities noticed their world shudder. In their shared mind, they looked quite different. Chester resembled Mr. Magoo, only he was taller and with his right eye blinded over with a thick cataract. Svetlana was a muscular, yet slim, brown-haired Russian woman. Vito was a bulky, imposing thuglike character, by far the biggest of the personalities. And last of all, Manitoba Smith resembled Steve Irwin, only with his sideburns graying and his face covered in small scars.

As Mike was unconscious, the primary personality returned to their shared mind. "Ow...oh, crap. Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"

"We'd be right stupid if we weren't, mate," Manitoba agreed gravely.

* * *

In the darkest recesses of Mike's subconscious, the force of the blow had cracked a thick bubble.

It burst. From within, a carbon copy of Mike, only with his hair flipped over his face and his attire completely black, crawled out.

Mal howled with delight. "I'M FREE!"

* * *

 _The real world_

"Okay everyone, you've been moved into your respective starting points," said Chris' voice as it came through tiny radios in the hamster balls. "Good luck!"

"I'm just glad we don't need to stay in these," Sky grimaced as she and Dave unzipped themselves out.

"Me too," Dave agreed. "You think we'll get in trouble if we go together? Since we're on different teams and all."

"Well, since no one's come out yet, to the best of my knowledge, no."

"Good! Because I don't wanna go through this place by myself. The last time we were here, there was a cave-in!"

"I know, that was really scary. I'm just glad it wasn't _our_ team that time."

The two began to walk their way out of their cavern together.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

Sierra squealed. "I knew it! They're becoming a couple! Time to update my shipping chart!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"Annnnnnnnnnd we just became StuckHome. Great."

* * *

"You okay, Tyler?" Brick asked. "I hate to see a soldier nervous. What up?"

Tyler was still shaking from what he'd seen three days earlier. "I'd rather not talk about it...if I did, someone would pummel me."

"I would never hurt you!" Brick exclaimed.

"You're not the one I'm worried about."

"It's Duncan, isn't it?"

"WHAT?! Who told you?!"

"No one! It's just obvious because Duncan scares you more than anyone else. Even Jacques and Josee." He shuddered. "And they have decided to sacrifice their sanity and integrity for the sake of this show."

"I know, it sucks trash. But still, Duncan would _kill_ me if I squealed. So if he wants to come out and say it, let him."

"Fine by me."

As they left, they didn't notice that Sugar, still in her ball because she couldn't find the zipper, was with them. "They're in an alliance and I know it," she said.

"No duh, we've known that for months," Scarlett grumbled as she passed.

Sugar realized this, but then went back to her devious thoughts. "Hm...if I can get Tyler to rat out Duncan, then both alliancez'll be goin' under." She chuckled darkly. "Ooh, Momma's gonna get 'em good!" Then she fell over, the hamster ball rolling back to where she'd started. "AAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

 _Terrific Topazes  
_

"Okay, is that everyone?" Owen asked. The entire team had ended up close to each other, so finding each other was a cinch.

"...thirteen...fourteen...fifteen! Yep, we're all here, darlings!" Leshawna said.

"Regrettably," MacArthur grumbled as she glared daggers at Josee.

"Okay, we need a plan to get out. I don't know how good everyone's senses of directions are, so if anyone has an idea, air it now," Noah said.

"Air, huh?" Jo asked. "I've got one. It's super cold out, right? So if the air's getting colder, that means we're getting close to the exit!"

"Plausible," Jen noted. "It _is_ kinda stuffy in here. Good thing my coat's outer shell is detachable." She removed the waterproofed green plastic, leaving only the thinner black fleece layer beneath it.

"No way! Lightning could come up with a much better idea!" Lightning complained.

"Considering you immunized my sister, I'm gonna have to call bull to your crap," Kitty quipped. Lightning fumed at this.

"Eh, whatever," Jo shrugged. "Follow me, losers!"

* * *

However, far above, it was a little late for them. "And Harold is the first person to arrive! Meaning that the Precious Peridots have the lead!" Chris announced as the Dweeb landed on his face after being sucked up.

"Well, that's like, cool I guess," Harold said weakly.

Another whooshing, and Sam landed on top of him. "And now the Kooky Kunzites have tied it up!"

"Fancy seeing you here," Sam said to Harold.

"Yes, you too, kindly remove yourself from my clavicles."

"Oh, sorry." He got up and helped Harold to his feet. As the two Geeks left for warmer places, Sam asked, "So who are you thinking about voting off?"

"It's a bit of a tie between Heather and Duncan. You?"

"Sugar, no questions asked. Hopefully this time it'll actually _work_."

"We shall see if it does!" Chris said. "Will Sam get rid of Sugar once and for all? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "While we were on break, some more people have found their way out! For the Precious Peridots, DJ, Emma, Ennui, and Heather have come up!"

"Yay," they said flatly.

"For the Kooky Kunzites, Sammy, Scarlett, and Zoey!"

"Hi Mom!" Zoey waved to the camera.

"And the Insane Iolites have finally gotten their act together with Alejandro and Courtney!"

"We _always_ had our act together," Courtney said matter-of-factly.

"But what about the Terrific Topazes? Let's see, shall we?"

* * *

 _Terrific Topazes  
_

"Okay, this pink crystal here's gonna be our landmark," Jo said, patting a foot-long crystal growing from the wall.

"That's but one crystal of many, though," Justin pointed out. The section of cavern they were in was covered in them.

"She's right, we need to mark them so we don't end up going in circles," Jen agreed. She pulled out and opened a bottle of blue nail polish and doodled a smiley face on the crystal that Jo had touched. "There! Perfect."

"You just casually have nail polish on you?" Noah asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Hey, you never know when you need to touch up your manicure."

"She's right, you know," Lindsay agreed, inspecting her own cherry red nails and frowning on seeing the chipping. "Anyone got a spare _Royal Velvet_ I could borrow?"

"I do, but it can wait until we've gotten out of here," Leshawna said. "This place is givin' me the creeps."

"Yeah, I can see why Gwen and Jasmine hate these places," Ryan agreed, shivering.

"Welp, let's get a move on, then!" Jo said finally. They marched forward.

* * *

Dave and Sky were still walking together and were nearing the exit. "Say Sky, are you single?" Dave asked suddenly.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, after you and I beat Mike in the VR game, I've been thinking. We've actually got a lot in common."

"We do?"

"Yeah, I'm a gymnastics fan, for one. I think it's underappreciated as an art."

"Same!"

"And you don't make fun of me for my obsession with hygiene."

"Well, I understand that you got really sick, and you're at least trying to fight it." She sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Dave, I _do_ kinda like you. I mean, you're nice, you're straightforward...I just hope you're loyal."

"Of course I am! Just because I'm not in an alliance doesn't mean I can't be loyal."

"Good." Sky sighed. "My last boyfriend, Keith, wasn't really."

"What do you mean?"

"It's kinda personal, but hey, if Emma can spill the beans, so can I." She looked at him gravely. "Remember Carmelita?"

"The cheerleading captain who Lindsay hates with a passion?"

"That's the one. She and I used to hang out a lot. But the day before I came here, I found her and Keith..."

Dave grimaced as he figured out what she was implying. "Oh. Ew. What scumbag cheats on their girlfriend?"

"I'm not his girlfriend anymore." Silence. "And I think it's time to move on. C'mon Dave, let's get out of here." They found the exit tube and were sucked up.

Sugar panted as she rolled her ball to the tube. "GAH! Is ev'ryone but me in an alliance now?" She disappeared up the tube.

* * *

"And with Sugar's arrival, the Kooky Kunzites win!" Chris announced.

"Uh, hello? Little help here?" Sugar asked.

"No problem," Izzy said, grinning evilly. She put on a pair of headphones and pulled out a pair of scissors, before popping the ball with them.

 **BLAM**

"...Ow," Chef said, not even noticing the blood trickling from his ears. DJ did and handed him two paper towels. "Thanks. AAAAAAUGH!"

* * *

 _Terrific Topazes_

"Uh, guys?" Owen asked.

"What is it, Fat Boy?" Jo asked.

"Please don't call me that. I was gonna say I think we're going in circles."

"Please! The air's colder this way!" Jo scoffed. "As if I'd cause us to be held back."

"Isn't that the crystal with the face right there?" Miles asked, pointing to it.

Jo paled. "[S word]. Stupid air must be circulating and throwing us off."

"It's not _that_ bad," Kitty said. "There's a sidepath this way. Maybe we can go down it and get out!"

Her team followed her...right into something big and furry.

"Is that a woolly beaver?" Mike asked, still a bit dazed.

"What? No! Woolly beavers are extinct, you imbecile!" Josee growled. "That's a mutant gopher!"

The gopher roared, causing many of them to scream as it chased them.

* * *

"With Cameron's arrival, the Insane Iolites take second!" Chris announced.

"Took you long enough," Amy grumbled.

"I'm so happy to see you too. That was sarcasm, by the way," Cameron retorted.

"You honestly think _I_ don't know what sarcasm is?"

"You thought 'dichotomy' was pronounced 'di-cho-to-mee' and not 'di-kah-to-mee'," Courtney pointed out. Amy fumed.

Bridgette snickered. "Nice one, Court."

"Thanks." She looked away.

"Something wrong?"

"Bridgette, I think Duncan and I aren't in the best of spirits lately. Our arguments just keep getting longer and angrier. Do you...do you think it's time?"

Bridgette pondered this. "Could be. I don't know for certain. Maybe wait a bit and see how you both feel."

"I've done that a lot of times before...and I'm not sure if it'll work again."

Gwen was passing by and hearing this, felt a little guilty.

"Now it's the entirety of the Terrific Topazes against the four Precious Peridots who haven't come up yet: Ella, Duncan, Geoff, and Jay!" Chris announced.

"I am here, Chris!" Ella said, flying out of the tube and sticking the landing.

"Scratch that. _Three_ Precious Peridots who haven't come up yet!"

B signed _Nice landing_. "Why thank you, B!" Ella smiled.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.**

Sugar growled. "That stupid _Ella_! Who does she think she is, tryna' be better 'n me?!"  


* * *

 _Terrific Topazes_

"Nice going, by the way!" Jacques snarled at Kitty as the team continued running away from the gopher.

"I had no idea there was a gopher there! How could I have known there was a gopher there?!" Kitty yelled in response.

"Both of you calm down right now!" Noah barked. "There's gotta be a way out of this. Do any of us know if this thing has any weaknesses we can easily exploit?!"

"I remember Hannah, er, Heather saying it didn't like her perfume!" Lindsay offered.

"That's good! The mutation obviously blinded this guy, so he's more reliant on smell! Too much of it will overwhelm him! Owen, do your Windy Thing!"

"I'm so scared that that's not gonna be a problem!" Owen shrieked. He farted, and the gopher quickly retreated.

"There's the exit tube!" Justin said. "Run for it, guys!"

They did.

* * *

But it was too late. Duncan, Geoff, and Jay had already beaten them to the outside world.

"Fun detour?" Chris asked.

"NO!" the Terrific Topazes snapped.

"Okay, okay! No need to get so panicky!" Chris said. "I'll gather everyone up and we'll go over today's losses!"

* * *

"Make this quick, I was in the middle of a nap," Taylor growled.

"I will, don't worry. The Precious Peridots were the very first team to get a member up here, so they get five points. The Kooky Kunzites came up second, so they get four points, _but_ they got everyone out first, so they get ten points for a total of fourteen!

"The Insane Iolites came up third, so they get three points, but they got everyone up second, so they get eight points for a total of eleven. The Precious Peridots got everyone up third, so they get five points, plus the three from earlier makes eight Quick Maths!" Everyone looked at him. "What? Can't I be hip with you kids?"

"No, you're trying too hard," Heather replied.

"And last and least, the Terrific Topazes. Shame on you. You came up last and got everyone up here last. Two points plus one gives you three points. You lose! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Terrific Topazes, someone needs to be taken away from this show!"

* * *

 _Misfit Mega-Alliance  
_

"So what are we gonna do? I'm on the chopping block for sure thanks to getting my team tangled up with the gopher," Kitty sighed.

"There wasn't anything you could've done, Kits," Emma said reassuringly. "You made an honest mistake that anyone could've made."

"I know, it's just...bleh."

"Bleh indeed," MacArthur agreed. "I don't think Josee's up to any good. We should vote her off now when we have the chance."

"And leave that psycho unhinged on everyone back home?" Sanders asked skeptically.

"...Yeah, you're right. Any other ideas?"

"Jo slowed us down by having us walk in circles," Mike said. "If she'd noticed that the first time instead of like, the seventh time, then we could've beaten the last of the Peridots out."

"You're absolutely right," Noah agreed. "Jo it is. That's six votes for her. I don't know if we can get Jen on board with voting for Jo to ensure there's no tie, but there's a good chance she's either going for Jo or for Lightning. Right now, we need Josee off our backs, and the best way to do that is lull her into a false sense of security for a couple challenges until she messes up so bad that we can get the majority of the votes."

Everyone nodded. As they left, Owen approached Noah. "Hey little buddy, what's up with your objection to ties?"

"It's the tiebreakers that I object to, dude. Something fishy's going on with them. Have you ever noticed that out of the three that've happened thus far, two of them involved Misfits?"

"Rodney and Zeke," Owen remembered.

"And both of them got eliminated. Something's not settling with me on that. I think someone's rigging the tiebreakers every time one of us is at risk of going. I don't know if it's one of us like Alejandro or Jacques, or an intern, or maybe it's Chris himself."

"What about Chef?"

"Chef is pretty neutral, actually, so it's probably not him. I need more evidence before I'm 100% sure. If it _is_ Chris, though...then we're gonna have to be sneaky."

Luckily for them, Chris didn't notice this conversation during the episode's production process, so it managed to get on the air unimpeded.

* * *

 **Confessional – Laurie.**

"Gophers are cute. When they're tiny and non-mutated beasts!" Laurie groaned. "I freaking hate this island. Anyway, Alejandro talked to me earlier today and suggested I vote off Kitty for almost killing us. I don't _want_ to trust him exactly, but he was right when he said I should open my mind more back in September. So I shall." She wrote KITTY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.**

"Alejandro told me Kitty's recklessness might hurt us again in the future," Ryan said. "I kinda don't want to, she's a good kid, but he's got a point." He sighed and reluctantly wrote KITTY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Jen.**

"Lightning is so useless! I get why Jo's annoyed with him," Jen snarled, writing LIGHTNING on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Kitty.  
**

"Emma's better than she was when Jake dumped her, but she's still a little fragile. I've been the best help she's had, and she still has some ways to go. I don't want to get bumped off now before I'm certain she's fine again." She wrote JO on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we work eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Close shot of fifteen marshmallows on the plate, four of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to roll in the drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Jen, Justin, Laurie, Leshawna, Lindsay, MacArthur, Mike, Miles, Noah, Owen, and Ryan." They all got their marshmallows.

Chris pointed to the blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Josee, this is yours...you seem pretty happy that you've gotten a vote."

"Because it's _a_ vote," Josee smirked as she went up to take it.

"Couldn't agree more!" Next, Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Lightning has two votes." Lightning sighed.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're a goner. Jo. Kitty."

The two girls glared at each other.

"Jo, your hubris led to your team getting held back. Kitty, your plan to save them only made things worse. And let's see here...

...

...

...

...

"We have a tie of six against six!"

"Uh-oh," Kitty gulped.

* * *

"For our tiebreaker, we have two sets of crystals that I took from the mines. To stay in the game, you need to break off one of them. Begin!"

Jo and Kitty grabbed the massive spires of pink quartz and tried to yank it. Because they were wearing gloves to protect their hands from the cold winter air, it was even harder. But eventually, Jo was able to snap the top off the biggest crystal in the clump.

"And Jo stays another day!"

"Aw _man_ ," Kitty groaned. "Emma's not gonna be happy about this."

"No, she isn't. Who wants to be the bearer of bad news?" Chris asked.

"I guess _I'll_ have to," Kitty sighed as she left the campfire.

Noah noticed that the shard Jo had broken off had come off quite cleanly, as its base was quite smooth. A little _too_ smooth. There was no denying it; someone had rigged the tiebreaker once again to further Alejandro's plans of destroying the Misfits.

And by the looks of it, the perpetrator was none other than the big man himself: Chris McLean.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"Hmmm...now that I think about it, Jo would've been a good person to eliminate today as well," Alejandro pondered. "But I do not like wasting a good villain song more. I am _muy feliz_ that Jacques and Josee were so...helpful in my ultimate plan." He laughed evilly.  


* * *

"Now _that's_ devious!" Chris smirked. He stood outside the mess hall. "Twenty-seven down. Fifty-seven remain. What team will dig out the next win and which won't? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Pretty Boy, your dinner's ready!" Chef called.

"Oh, joy! What is it?"

"Hamster."

Chris sighed. "Guess the gourmet stuff ran out."

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Jen – Lightning  
**

 ** ** **Jo – Kitty  
******

 ** **Josee – Kitty  
****

 ** ** **Justin – Lightning  
******

 ** **Kitty – Jo  
****

 ** ** ** **Laurie – Kitty  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Leshawna – Josee  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Lightning – Kitty  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Lindsay – Jo  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **MacArthur – Jo  
****************

 **Mike – Jo  
**

 **Miles – Kitty  
**

 ** ** **Noah – Jo  
******

 ** ** ** **Owen – Jo  
********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Ryan – Kitty************

 **Results: 6-6-2-1 Kitty-Jo-Lightning-Josee  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty (t)  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (7)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

The mutant gopher returned. The fart had dissipated, meaning the gopher could return to his burrow.

He decided to stop and gnaw on one of the crystals. Then he noticed the camera and hastily covered it with his paws.


	37. 2-7: I Love You, I Love You Knots

**Review time!**

 **StarHeart Specials: You're supposed to hate Chris! :D Yep, Mal's back and ready to cause trouble for everyone else. The song's completely original, and thanks for liking it! I personally don't celebrate Thanksgiving (it's a food holiday for food I either don't like, or in the case of turkey am incapable of digesting due to being a herbivorous dinosaur), but I hope yours was good!**

 **Lara2244: It was going to have to happen eventually.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! Alejandro's overdramatic enough to do something like that. I've made it clear Chris was rigging the tiebreakers since the beginning; it's just that now that isn't as secret to the kids as it was before.**

 **AUFan62: Because Kitty's elimination directly leads into the arc of** **Emma's** **increasing paranoia, Alejandro's increasing hubris, and Chris' spiral into insanity (again). Ella will be important in due time.**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! Gwen _does_ like Duncan, but only a little. The three villains are going to get eliminated one-by-one in big blows to their egos, that's for certain. The whole point of Kitty's elimination WAS that it was premature ****– by sending her out _now_ , Alejandro's hoping to significantly destabilize Emma before she can find inner peace, thereby making her and by extension the rest of the Misfits at a much higher risk of an early elimination.  
**

 **Joel Connell: I hated how Trent got turned into an OCD freak, so I just made him unlucky to the point of elimination. Emma did not take the news of her sister's elimination well, especially when Noah confirmed the tiebreaker was rigged. Chris and Blaineley unfortunately won't get exposed once and for all until the very end (all I'm going to say about the finale), but everyone's getting their dues. And yes, Junior Kits will make its triumphant return in Aftermath V!  
**

 **Great Idea Alert: Reckless, yes. Clingy, oh you'll see...**

* * *

 _Thursday, November 30, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – I was tickled pink! [Jen marking the crystal] Four new gemstone teams went head-to-head in a race out of the Drama Mine after being sent down there in hamster balls to make them _super_ disoriented. [Previously unseen footage of Tyler falling on his face after staggering out of his ball] The team who could get everyone out first would win the challenge. [Sam landing on Harold] But there were more interesting things than that going on! Alejandro reached outside his alliance to get the Ice Dancers to destroy the Misfits! [The Misfits Will Fall] Sky and Dave might become the next big couple! [Sky and Dave chatting] Mike might be in for a rough time, still don't know how we saw inside his brain. [Mal's release] But in the end, it was the Kooky Kunzites who won. [Izzy popping Sugar's ball] The Terrific Topaz's idea to stick together didn't work as well as they'd hoped it would. [Terrific Topazes getting chased by the mutant gopher] And it gave Alejandro the perfect chance to set his plan in motion when Kitty got the boot. [Kitty's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Fifty-seven contestants remain. Who'll dare to win it, and who'll have to face an inconvenient truth? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _The Geeks_

"Hey guys, what's up? Are we having an alliance meeting?" Cody asked as he approached his alliance mates in one of the cabins.

"In a sense," Sam said. "We're playing Truth or Double Truth! It's too cold for Truth or Dare," he added as an explanation.

"I'm game, we've got some time to kill. Who's going first?"

"It was Harold's idea, so him."

"And I shall take my turn _now_ ," Harold grinned. "Cameron, Truth...or _Double Truth_?"

"Regular truth, please!" Cameron said.

"When you see a car labeled a four-by-four, do you get the urge to write 'equals sixteen' next to it?"

"Yeah, I do...I just feel horrible about wanting to vandalize stuff."

"At least your morals are in the right place," Sam shrugged. "Harold, Truth or Double Truth?"

"Double Truth!"

"Did you and Courtney ever meet each other at Master Steve's?"

"Master Steve founded multiple camps, not one camp with multiple programs. So no."

"Good thing you didn't, she'd hate you if you crossed paths," Cody mused.

"Sam, Truth or Double Truth?" Cameron asked.

"Truth."

"Did you smuggle your GameGuy onto the island?"

"I had to, Cody needed something to test his games for Computer Science 3H on."

"Speaking of," Cody said, "Harold, Truth or Double Truth?"

"Truth."

"Were you the one who filled Justin's sneakers with marbles after that one concert?"

"I cannot tell a lie, it was indeed me! 'Course, he was being dumb that day and needed to get knocked down a peg."

"Right, Lauren," Sam nodded.

"Okay, now back to me. Cody, Truth...or _Double Truth_?"

"I'm feeling lucky, so Double Truth."

"Which girl here do you have feelings for?"

Cody paled. "It's not Gwen, is it?" Cameron asked.

"NO! Why can't anyone let me forget when I was a stupid middle-schooler?!" Cody sighed. "No, it's Sammy. Over these last few months, I've gotten to know her as more than one of Heather's mooks. She's sweet, polite, calm, and knows how to take a joke."

"So why the reluctance to admit – _oh_ ," Sam said, his eyes widening on realization.

"Yeah, Sierra would kill me if she found out I had feelings for another girl," Cody sighed.

"Yanderes _do_ tend to be that way," Harold confessed.

"Campers! Please report to the theater! We have an important thing to do today!" Chris' voice came over the PA system.

"Well, good luck, buddy," Sam said, patting Cody's shoulder as they left.

"Easy for you to say. You're not currently _looking_ for a girlfriend," Cody muttered.

* * *

"Okay everybody, get up on the stage!" Chris said. "We're going to be breaking up into three teams of nineteen apiece, and we're gonna do that now before I explain the rules. First up, Crimson, Sugar, Scarlett, Dawn, Jacques, Josee, Alejandro, Devin, Heather, Gwen, Noah, Mike, Harold, Topher, Amy, B, DJ, Miles, and Shawn. You are the Dastardly Deceivers!

"Next, Cody, Sierra, Sammy, Brick, Bridgette, Ennui, Owen, Sky, Tyler, Leshawna, Lightning, Duncan, Jo, Carrie, Tom, Jasmine, Dave, Sadie, and Zoey. You are the Mighty Mistruths! Everyone else, you're the Flying Falsehoods!"

"So I take it our challenge has to do with lying?" Scarlett asked.

"Indeedy do! Before this moment our Geeks were playing a toned-back, lame version of Truth or Dare."

"Hey! Truth or Double Truth is a perfectly acceptable substitute!" Harold snapped.

"But here on Total Drama, we go for the most _extreme_ versions of the mundane. Today, we're playing Truth or Scare!

"Here's how the game works. All of you are going to be given a shock collar that you're going to wear. Each one of you is going to get either a Truth, where you have to confess to something embarrassing, or a Scare, where you'll be dared to do something scary. Successfully own up or complete the dare, and your team gets a point. Highest score at the end wins. Lie or fail the dare, you don't get the point, and get zapped. Observe." He pointed to Dakota, who was wearing a shock collar of her own, and pressed a button on his remote. Dakota shrieked in pain as the electricity rocketed through her veins, causing her hair to stand on end. She collapsed when it was done.

"Dakota!" Sam raced over and helped her up.

"I'll...live..." Dakota grumbled, dazed. "Don't worry Daddy, I'm a good girl..."

"How are you gonna know if we're lying? Polygraph tests aren't exactly effective, and even a rich guy like you can't afford the best lie-detectors," Gwen pointed out.

"With her!" Chris pulled out a fat brown chicken. "Meet Clucky, the lie-detecting chicken!"

Tyler gulped. "S-she's harmless, right?"

"Oh, no! She's an absolute monster. Which is why she's perfect for this show!" Tyler fainted.

* * *

 **Dastardly Deceivers: Crimson, Sugar, Scarlett, Dawn, Jacques, Josee, Alejandro, Devin, Heather, Gwen, Noah, Mike, Harold, Topher, Amy, B, DJ, Miles, and Shawn.**

 **Mighty Mistruths:** **Cody, Sierra, Sammy, Brick, Bridgette, Ennui, Owen, Sky, Tyler, Leshawna, Lightning, Duncan, Jo, Carrie, Tom, Jasmine, Dave, Sadie, and Zoey.**

 **Flying Falsehoods: Beardo, Cameron, Courtney, Ella, Emma, Eva, Geoff, Izzy, Jay,** **Jen, Justin, Lindsay, MacArthur, Ryan, Sam, Sanders, Stephanie, Taylor, and Laurie.**

* * *

Once everyone was seated and collared, Chris pulled out a coin from his breast pocket. One side was green and had a halo etched into it, the other was yellow and had flames. "If the coin lands on the green side, you're telling the truth. If it lands on the yellow side, you're doing the scare. And we're going in order of calling, so..." He flipped the coin and it landed on yellow. "Crimson! You're doing a scare. And yours is...I want you to smile. Big and broad. Show those pearly whites!"

"Must I?" Crimson asked monotonously.

"Yep!"

"Can I do something first, though?"

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

Crimson responded by kicking Chris directly into the kiwis. As he crumpled to the floor, Crimson had to laugh, a goofy grin plastered across her face. "Consider it karma."

"Yeah, Crimson! You da goth!" Geoff said, fistbumping her as she passed. Ennui reached out for his girlfriend and pecked her lips before she had to return to her seat.

Chris quickly recovered. "Blaineley's not gonna be happy about that. Anyways, next up is Cody!" He flipped the coin. "It's a truth! Which girl are you attracted to?"

"Not Sierra," Cody quickly replied. Clucky glared at him but nodded at Chris.

"Dang, I was hoping to get you on that one."

"Chris, I'm _way_ smarter than that."

"Right, of course you are."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra and Dawn.**

"AGH! He's probably attracted to Sammy! What am I going to do?!" Sierra groaned.  


"Sierra, I believe you're only attracted to Cody because he reminds you of your long-lost father," Dawn commented.

"Whose side are you on?!"

"The side of truth. And speaking of..."

* * *

"Beardo! You've got a truth. Can you _really_ imitate any sound, or do you have a microchip stuck in your throat?"

"No sir, it's all natural." Beardo then did a 100% accurate impression of Chris' voice. "And I must say, it's a killer skill!"

"He's gonna be the next Frank Welker," Noah remarked. Clucky didn't react, therefore it was true.

"Sugar! You've got a scare. Pet this tarantula!"

"Ha! That's easy pickin's. If you'da asked, I would eat it!" Sugar declared as she petted the red-kneed tarantula Chef held out to her.

"We're glad he didn't," Miles grimaced.

"Sierra! You've got a scare too. You need to watch Cody kiss another girl. Who I will choose randomly...Sammy!"

"That _so_ wasn't random," Sammy gulped. As Sierra watched, Sammy and Cody nervously inched their faces together.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT!" Sierra shrieked, squeezing her eyes shut.

"And that means you don't get the point!" Chris pressed the shock button and zapped her. She flailed her arms about once shocked, in so doing accidentally smashing Cody and Sammy's faces together, lips against lips.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Sierra wailed. Sammy and Cody broke the kiss and nervously scooted apart from each other, both as red as Scarlett's hair.

"Samey gets a boyfriend before I do?!" Amy exclaimed. "Eh, on the plus side it's just Cody." Gwen whacked her on the back of her head and shut her up.

"Now that's the kind of drama I'm looking for!" Chris laughed. "Cameron! You've got a truth. Who here do you dislike the most?"

"Hm...hard to tell...it's either Lightning or Sugar." Clucky nodded in assent.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar and Lightning.**

"WHAT?! Who does that sha-shrimp think he is?!" Lightning growled.  


"Eh, you're jus' not used to being disliked," Sugar shrugged. "It gets easier."

"If you say so," Lightning grumbled.

* * *

"The scores are 2 to 1 to 2, let's see if we can improve!" Chris flipped the coin again. "Scarlett, it's a scare for you. Stand on this balance beam on one leg with an egg on your nose! If you drop it, Clucky's gonna get offended!"

"If I must." Scarlett mounted the beam, took the egg from Dudley, placed it on the bridge of her nose, and tilted her head back as she lifted her right leg. Unfortunately, she wobbled and the egg fell off, shattering on the floor. Clucky screamed and quickly pecked the zapping button. Scarlett nearly fell off the balance beam when she got zapped, but B caught her in the nick of time.

"Sammy! You've got a truth. Did you like the kiss with Cody?"

"Well, uh, I haven't been kissed by anyone before that, so I don't have much to compare it to..." Sammy gulped when she saw Clucky inching towards her. "...And _yes_ , I _did_ like it." The chicken retreated, and Sierra glared at her.

"Courtney! You've got a scare! Since you don't like breaking laws, you gotta break one of Ontario's strangest: drive a sleigh down a highway with less than two bells on your horse!"

"How the [f word] am I supposed to do that on this crappy island?!" Courtney exclaimed.

"You're right. My mistake." Chris zapped her anyway. "Next, we have Dawn, and she's got a truth! Which contestant here has the ugliest aura?"

"Josee's is rife with insanity and anger, making hers a discordant mess of black and mint green." Clucky was confused but shrugged it off. Josee growled at her, but DJ simply pulled her away from his girlfriend before she could inflict any damage.

"Brick, you've got a truth! Are you _completely_ over your fear of the dark?"

"Yessir!" Clucky shook her head, and Chris zapped him. "YEOW! Okay, okay, I still have my nightlight! But in my defense, I don't wanna trip when I get up to go to the bathroom!"

"That actually makes sense," Jo mused.

"Ella! You've got a scare! Your theme is Datknee, therefore you gotta die like a Datknee villain. Long live the Chris!" He picked her up and dropped her off the stage...which was only five feet off the ground.

"Ouch," Ella winced, rubbing her butt.

"Is this just an excuse to be a sadist?!" Emma growled.

"Eh, just be glad your sister's not here."

"NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT ABOUT MY SISTER!"

"Calm down, Emma, I know you miss her," Ella said after returning to the stage. "But Kitty is still at home, alive and well. And I bet you she's routing for her. So win it! For her."

"You're right. I'm gonna make it to the final ten or my name's not Emma Xin!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"This is an...unfortunate development. I was hoping that by getting rid of her sister so early she'd go completely mad." Alejandro sighed. "[Spanish s word]."  


* * *

"The scores are now 3 to 2 to 2! And Jacques' got a truth! What frightens you the most?"

"Nothing at all!" Clucky shook her head and Chris zapped him.

"Bridgette, you've got a scare! And by scare, I mean horse meat." He lobbed a cooked patty of ground horse meat at her. "Eat this bad boy and you'll be golden!"

Bridgette gulped. "A horse? A majestic creature that was not meant for eating?"

"That meat came from a racehorse that died of old age," Phil said. "Think of it as it giving up its life to give life to others."

"If you say so." Bridgette sighed and reluctantly ate the patty.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Chris asked, ignoring the tears streaming from her eyes. "Emma! You've got a truth. How intimate are you and Noah?"

"None of your [f word]ing business, you pedophile!" Emma growled.

"Not very, she's still adjusting," Noah clarified. "We've gotten to handholding, though."

"You weren't supposed to answer for her," Chris said. He zapped him. "But I'll accept the answer." He flipped the coin again. "Josee's got a scare! Pick your nose and wipe it on the nearest competitor!"

"With pleasure," Josee grinned, plucking out a booger and wiping it in Dawn's hair. "What, no reaction?" she asked, disappointed in Dawn's stoicism.

"I've had swirlies, what you did was comparatively tame."

"Ennui, you've got a truth! What's the cutest thing you've ever done?"

"I adopted an aggressive black rabbit that was tearing up my neighbor's garden last year," Ennui explained monotonously. "His name's Loki, because he's a troublemaker except when he's around Crimson and I, then he's low-key."

"Impressive wordplay. Eva! You've got a truth! Have you ever killed anyone?"

"...No. Though if you keep being so cruel to us, I may change my answer." She stood up and steadily walked towards him.

Chris gulped. "A-and the scores are now 4 to 4 to 4, will we break this tie, find out after these messages!" He hid behind Chef.

"Wuss," Chef grumbled.

"Tell me about it," Eva agreed.

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "We're a third of the way through our truths and scares, so let's wrap this up. Alejandro, you've got a truth! Are you compensating for something?"

Alejandro said nothing. Clucky looked at Chris, confused. "Huh. No answer? Well, you get the point, but for not answering, you get a zap!" He zapped him. "It's a shame, you're one of my favorite chumps, too." He flipped the coin again. "Owen! You've got a scare! Fart in this bag and force someone of your choosing to breathe it!"

Owen gulped, but nervously tooted into the bag anyway. He looked around before settling on Heather, opening the bag a few inches away from her face.

"AGH!" Heather coughed. "Why me?!"

"For beating me up that one time," Owen replied sternly.

"Geoff! You've got a truth! Where'd you get the hat?"

"It was a gift from the same dude ranch you rewarded the Tribe with way back, brah!" Geoff revealed. Clucky nodded at Chris.

"Devin! You've got a truth! Do you _actually_ like Shelley?"

"Uh...she's watching this show, so...yes?" Clucky shook her head and Chris zapped him.

* * *

 **Confessional – Carrie.**

"He doesn't like her! There's hope for me yet! Sorry if that seems selfish, I just _really_ hate Shelley."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Eva.**

"I'm with her, Shelley's one of our most frequent bullies. The Ice Dancers are the only reason Devin's even dating her in the first place."  


* * *

"Sky, you've got a scare! Drink this entire bottle of mineral water!"

"This is going to be [h word] on my kidneys," Sky groaned. Nonetheless, she drank the entire pint of the stuff, before letting out an enormous belch. "Sorry."

"Hey, no need to be ashamed of something everyone does!" Izzy said.

"But it's time for _you_ to be ashamed!" Chris replied. "You've got a truth: have you _ever_ done anything reckless?"

Izzy grinned. "Where do I _begin_? Let's see, when I was four I set up a fake date with my daycare teacher, when I was seven I took a joyride in a crawler crane, when I was eleven I tried to audition for a TV series but didn't get the part because they thought my age would 'limit what stories they could tell', and that's not even _getting_ into me and Owen's [x word] life!" Owen laughed nervously.

"...I did _not_ need to know that last bit," Gwen grimaced.

"Well, you do need to know that the scores are now 5 to 6 to 6!" Chris said. "Heather, you've got a scare! Shave your head bald!"

"No way! I'd rather be zapped!" Heather screeched, clutching her hair fearfully.

"Suit yourself." He zapped her. "Next, we've got Tyler with a truth! You seem to be on edge about something. So tell us what it is!"

Tyler gulped. Clucky seemed to know he was afraid of chickens, so she jumped into his lap and squawked in his face. Tyler recoiled. "Okay, okay, I'll talk! I saw Duncan and Gwen kissing! I don't know everything, I don't know who started it, but I know what I saw!"

"You did WHAT?!" Courtney screeched. "Gwen, I thought we were friends! But _no_ , you just HAD to steal my boyfriend!"

"Steal?" Gwen asked incredulously. "He broke up with you after your fight during the beach challenge!"

"No we didn't!"

"Um, why don't we ask Duncan?" Mike asked nervously.

"Yeah, we broke up," Duncan said nonchalantly.

"N-no we didn't!" Courtney spluttered.

"Duncan," Alejandro said quietly, "did the words 'I am breaking up with you' come out of your mouth that day?"

"Nope. Courtney was supposed to have inferred that," Duncan explained.

"Inferred? You know I'm not good with ambiguous stuff like that!" Courtney paused. "Holy crap, maybe I _am_ autistic."

* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.**

"Courtney's been questioning her neurotypicality after Staci revealed she was on the spectrum. And I think that diagnosis makes a lot of sense. Courtney's fussy, ill-tempered, socially awkward, and her special interest is in the form of law."  


* * *

"So...I guess that makes it official, then," Duncan said.

"I guess," Courtney sighed. "I guess I'm just not good at this love thing."

"You're not bad at love!" Gwen admonished. "You just haven't found the right person yet. And come to think of it, I don't think I have either."

"WHAT?" Duncan exclaimed.

"Well, let's just say I've realized how reckless and unstable you can be, Duncan. And I think you were more attracted to me physically than mentally. Plus you're an attention craver. So I'm breaking this off before it gets toxic."

"..." Duncan shrugged. "Eh, whatever. We can still be friends, right?"

"I suppose," Gwen shrugged.

"That's such a relief!" Sadie sighed. "I was afraid that might consume the rest of the show!"

Emma was looking a little apprehensive, and Alejandro noticed. "No, just one of us," he chuckled to himself.

"A bit of a disappointment," Chris said. "Pity we didn't get the drama. But Jay's got a scare!" He stepped to the side and the Green Gators' mascot ambled from behind him. "Punch here needs to be fed. And she _really_ likes duck." Chef handed him a severed, cooked duck head; Jay cringed. "So feed the monster!" Jay shrieked and threw the head at the ground, where the alligator ate it. "I'll count that as a go."

"C'mon Punch, you've got eggs to guard," Chef said, motioning for the alligator to follow him. She did, slowly walking away.

"Gwen, you've got a scare too! We borrowed a koala from the zoo that you gotta feed with this bowl of eucalyptus!" He presented the koala and the bowl.

"I can't do that!" Gwen exclaimed. "I'm allergic to eucalyptus!"

"Then _you_ get zapped," Chris replied, doing so. "Leshawna, you've got a truth! Have you ever talked about people behind their backs?"

"What? No! Honey don't find that nice," Leshawna replied. Clucky nodded at Chris.

"Jen, you've got a scare! Stripes and plaid, wear 'em!"

"Luckily for me, Tom already figured out how!" Jen disappeared behind the stage. A few minutes later, she came out wearing the outfit Tom had made for the mannequin during the first Field Trip: a red-and-black plaid t-shirt and dull green pants with silver stripes.

"Nice! The scores are now 5 to 8 to 8."

* * *

 **Confessional – Tom.**

"See? I KNEW that was going to come in handy!"  


* * *

"Noah, you've got a scare. Since I don't know what to do with you, you get Gwen's."

" _Fine_ ," Noah said. "I gotta use my mouth, don't I?"

"Yep!" Noah sighed and plunged his face into the bowl, coming up with a few leaves in his jaws. He spat them out on the koala's face and proceeded to wipe his tongue off on his shirt, as eucalyptus is toxic. "I guess that counts. Lightning, you've got a truth! Your real name _isn't_ Lightning, is it?"

"Nope! But sha-Rudolph's not a cool name," Lightning explained.

"I agree. Justin, you've got a scare! Put braces on this beaver!" Chris held up a beaver.

"I like my fingers more than the nerves in my shoulders," Justin replied. He got zapped.

"Mike, you've got a truth! Is that _really_ you in there?"

"Of course it is!" Mike protested. Clucky shook her head and Chris zapped him. "Hey, way to pick on the kid with DID!" His hair briefly flipped over his forehead, but it perked back up. "Ow...what happened?"

Cameron looked worried.

* * *

 **Confessional – Cameron.**

"Uncharacteristically short-tempered, doesn't remember what happened...I fear Mal may be making a comeback."  


* * *

"Duncan, you've got a truth! Which girl did you like more?"

"Chris, can we _please_ drop this already?" Duncan complained. He got zapped.

"Lindsay, you've got a scare!" The Black Bears' mascot walked over. "Put makeup on this guy!"

Lindsay gulped, but nervously walked over to the bear. "Don't worry Mr. Bear, boys can wear makeup too." A few seconds later, the beautified bear, looking quite pleased with himself, was led away by Billy.

"How'd she know it's a boy?" Lightning asked.

"How do you think, doofus?" Jo replied.

"The scores are now 6 to 9 to 9! Of course, we don't have enough time in this episode to cover everyone," Chris said, pocketing the coin. The remaining seven people of each team sighed in relief. "So it's time we go into... _The Lightning Round_!"

"An entire round all about me?!" Lightning gasped.

"Nope! A round you gotta do super fast."

"Aw, man!"

Chef brought in three burlap bags, labelled with either a "D", an "M", or an "F". "These bags contain the remote controls to your collars. You have twenty seconds to open them and press the button that releases them from your neck. Whichever team does this first is the automatic winner! Of the remaining two, whoever has the higher score will be safe. This will be important because two of you are tied." Chef threw the bags at the teams. "The seven of you I haven't called for a dare will be doing this part. Good luck!"

The remaining seven worked furiously to open them. It was Stephanie, driven by her desire to win, that opened it first. She pressed the button and the collars opened and fell off.

"And the Flying Falsehoods win!" Chris said, pressing the shock button. Thirty-eight teens got zapped. "Mighty Mistruths, you're three points ahead of the Dastardly Deceivers, so you're safe! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Dastardly Deceivers, you weren't dastardly enough!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"It seems as though knocking out her sister only renewed her drive," Alejandro mused. "But it seems that the bigger blow will come from other relationships. If I can split up, either romantically or at the least physically, the island's couples, then Emma will fear for the stability of her own, thereby becoming her own undoing." He chuckled darkly and wrote GWEN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Dawn.**

"Noah wants us to vote out Amy before her ego truly destroys her, and I agree. As much as we'd like Josee out, we have to play the waiting game with her." She wrote AMY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

Heather laughed. "First her crush and then Courtney? Hey, I'm game! This just might be the push I needed to kick out Gothy McGothface for good!" She wrote GWEN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.  
**

"As much as I'd like Sugar out, Heather is a far greater alliance threat. Plus, at least Sugar completed her challenge without any problems." She wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." There were nineteen marshmallows on the plate, only three of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because we here at Total Drama want only the dramatic truth. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Crimson, Sugar, Scarlett, Dawn, Jacques, Josee, Alejandro, Devin, Noah, Mike, Harold, Topher, B, DJ, Miles, and Shawn." They all got their marshmallows.

"Wow, I ain't got no votes today! I guess y'all _do_ like me," Sugar grinned.

"That couldn't be farther from the truth," Jacques scoffed.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you. But today, we don't have any." Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Amy has a quartet."

"Again? Seriously?" Amy groaned.

"Hey, I could've voted for you and not Heather!" Gwen snapped.

"Strong words, Gwen," Chris said. Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're a goner. Gwen. Heather."

Gwen and Heather glared at each other. "Catfight!" Topher threw in. Both of them hissed at him and he retreated like a scared dog.

"Gwen and Heather, you both hate each other. And I'm not too fond of either of you. Stealing Courtney's ex? Not cool, Gwen. Stealing my thunder? Not cool, Heather. It's not a tie, someone's got two votes more...

...

...

...

...

"And that person is Gwen! You! Are! FINISHED!"

Heather cackled madly. "AT LAST! _ZAIJIAN_ , [B WORD]!"

"I _knew_ we should've voted for Heather," Mike sighed.

"Yeah, you knew right," Noah agreed. "Sorry Gwen."

"Nah, it's okay. At least you stuck it to Amy for beating up Cody. Speaking of, there's one person I'd like to talk to before I leave," Gwen said, retrieving her red marshmallow.

* * *

Courtney sighed as she sat in the hot tub of the good cabin, collecting her thoughts. Today had been a rough day.

"Court?" Courtney looked up and saw Gwen. "Hey, I just wanted to say sorry. About Duncan. I should've made him wait until we were sure you were okay."

"No, it's on me. I tried to get Duncan to change for the better, and he resisted. Was I too...blunt?"

"Maybe, but if you _are_ on the spectrum like you think, then you at least have that excuse. Me, I got my pale, freckled rear handed to me today...but at least I've gone now before the going gets truly awful."

"Yeah," Courtney agreed. "Emma's right, Chris _is_ getting worse."

"I think stardom's replaced the part of his brain responsible for decency," Gwen chuckled. They both laughed. "Anyway, I gotta go. Hope we can be real friends once we're both home. Oh, and Court?"

"Yes?"

"Your swimsuit's not half-bad either."

Gwen turned around and left, not even noticing Courtney's surprised blush.

* * *

"Like the scares, this episode has been nothing but a surprise!" Chris said. He stood in the theater. "Twenty-eight down. Fifty-six remain. We are now a third of the way through the game. Whose victory will be a shocker and whose failure won't be? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Hey Chris!" Chris turned around and gulped. Geoff and Izzy were holding up a shock collar, and Jasmine had the remote. "It's payback time!"

"Oh, _no_ ," Chris gulped.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Crimson – Heather  
**

 ** ** **Sugar – Gwen  
******

 ** **Scarlett – Heather  
****

 ** ** **Dawn – Amy  
******

 ** **Jacques – Gwen  
****

 ** ** ** **Josee – Gwen  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Alejandro – Gwen  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Devin – Gwen  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Heather – Gwen  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Gwen – Heather  
****************

 **Noah – Amy  
**

 **Mike – Heather  
**

 ** ** **Harold – Heather  
******

 ** ** ** ** ** **Topher – Gwen  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Amy – Gwen  
********************

 ** ** ** **B – Amy  
********

 ** ** ** ** ** **DJ – Didn't vote  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Miles – Heather************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Shawn – Amy  
************************************

 **Results: 8-6-4 Gwen-Heather-Amy  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty (t), Gwen  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (6)**

* * *

 _Bonus clip:  
_

Sammy knocked on Cody's bedroom door. "Can I come in?" she asked.

Cody opened it. "Oh, hey! You, uh, need something?"

"Well, you know what I said earlier? About the kiss?"

Cody blushed. "Uh, yeah?"

"Well, I was wondering...can we do that again? For real?"

"...Sure, why not?" The two embraced and kissed once again.

"I think I like you, Cody," Sammy murmured.

"I think I like you too."


	38. 2-8: If You Can't Take the Heat

**Review time!**

 **Lara2244: When I decided to adapt that episode, I quickly realized that it would be the perfect chance to give them a relationship upgrade. As for Gwen's elimination, this was because many saw Gwen as a strong competitor, and the revelation of her dating Duncan (albeit briefly) was enough of a push to throw her out. Plus Alejandro pulled some strings.**

 **AUfan62: Thanks!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! This fic is meant to be a mashup of the canon series, so expect numerous references to the original!**

 **Killla Kirika: Yep, Dramarama is good for backstory material! Regarding Courtney, she _is_ , but her parents were too busy focusing her on her education, so she's currently undiagnosed, and her case is very mild anyway.**

 **Guest: Thanks for catching that! I fixed it now. See my response to Lara2244's review for the explanation.**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! The love triangle in canon would've been very easily resolved, so that's what I did here. Gwen and Courtney are definitely gonna get together sometime in the future. Yes, canon!Sammy is a bit overrated because she didn't have the development that other characters got, so I'm glad fanfiction gave me the chance to deepen her. And I realized that that episode would be PERFECT to get them together at last!**

* * *

 _Sunday, December 3, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – whap! [Sierra smushing Cody and Sammy together] Bap! [Scarlett dropping the egg] Alaka-ZAP! [Noah getting shocked] We played an extreme version of Truth or Dare last time. Either our stars had to confess their darkest secrets [Izzy disturbing everyone] or complete a scare! [Josee putting a booger in Dawn's hair] And there was a lot of drama that day. Sammy and Cody finally smooched it up! [Sammy and Cody blushing] Tyler confessed to watching Duncan make the moves on Gwen! [The argument] And Gwen dumped Duncan before she could become the new Courtney! [Gwen explaining why she was dumping Duncan] But it wasn't enough to keep her safe, for her team lost and voted her out. [Gwen's elimination]

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Fifty-six contestants remain. Who's going to cook up the most fun and who'll lose all their stars? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Mess Hall_

"You alright, Chef?" DJ asked. "I mean, your ears blew out a few days ago."

"I've been through worse, kid," Chef grumbled. "Wouldn't be the first time it happened to me."

"I'm curious, Chef, have you even _been_ in the army? I mean, what wars has Canada been in since WW2?"

"'Don't tell me you've forgotten 'bout the Bosnian War, maggot."

"Oh, we fought in that? Or, er, _you_ fought in that?"

"Yep."

"I never knew."

Chef chuckled. "You're alright, kid. Feel free to ask for advice any time. Not in an alliance sorta way, just–"

"Like a father-son way?"

Chef sighed. "Yeah, I've been havin' a bit of the ol' empty nest after my wife passed on and my kids went to school."

"And speaking of school, guess what we're doing instead of that?" Chris asked, popping out of nowhere.

Chef spluttered. "Dang it, pretty boy, why must you appear uninvited?"

"Because I can!"

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Okay everyone, please break into your original seven teams!" Chris said. They did so. "Now, I'm sure you all know that the Gemmys will be on the seventh."

"Oh boy, the Gemmys!" Topher exclaimed. "My favorite movies are going head-to-head for the win! I'm so excited."

Sierra moped. "Yeah, I guess..."

"And of course, part of the Gemmys is the big seven-course meal afterwards. But here's the thing – I don't remember the last time I had one of those!"

"Oh, great, we have to cook you dinner," Noah groaned.

"Late lunch, actually. Each team will be assigned a specific type of meal. The greater the size of the team, the later on the meal you will get. Cyan Sharks, you have four people left, making you the smallest team still standing. Therefore you will be making the appetizers!

"Orange Ocelots, you are the next-smallest with five left. Therefore, you will get the fish course!

"Purple Pigs, with eight left, you are the third-smallest team. You get the main course itself!"

"Oh boy," Geoff gulped.

"Red Robins, you're in the middle with nine people left. You're getting the salad because you're a bunch of scrubs!"

"Whee," Emma deadpanned.

"Green Gators, you're tied with the Red Robins with nine people left. You get the cheese selection!"

"Does pizza count?" Sugar asked.

"Nope!"

"Clearly Sugar's not a woman of high culture, not that anyone actually _cares_ about meal courses anymore," Scarlett snarked. People laughed.

"Yellow Yaks, you're the second-largest team still standing, so you get the dessert!"

"Does pizza _cake_ count?" Devin asked.

"Sure, I guess."

"Pizza cake? Ew, gross!" Taylor gagged.

"Hey, pizza cake's actually pretty good, I had one of those for my tenth birthday party," Ryan mentioned.

"I remember that!" Carrie exclaimed.

"And lastly, the Blue Beetles. You've managed to only lose one person. So you get the final course of something fruity!

"Some rules before I send you into the kitchen. The only knives you're allowed to have are the butter, steak, and paring knives. Our lawyers are concerned that any larger knives may be weaponized and trigger someone's amputation phobia, probably Brody's. All courses except the salad _must_ use fire in some way. Each course must have its own drink, but since you're underage anything alcoholic is not allowed to be that drink."

"Fine by me, that stuff tastes awful," Tyler gagged.

"How do you know that?" Beardo asked. "We're underage!"

"Let's just say there's a reason I don't go to my football team's parties anymore."

* * *

 **Red Robins: Owen, B, Noah, Cody, Ella, Izzy, Emma, Sierra, and Topher.**

 **Orange Ocelots: Justin, Sadie, Brick, Ennui, and Crimson.**

 **Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Ryan, Stephanie, Miles, and Laurie.**

 **Green Gators: Cameron, Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.**

 **Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Leshawna, Harold, and Dawn.**

 **Blue Beetles: Shawn, Lightning, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine, Sky, Jay, Tom, Jen, and Dave.**

 **Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Courtney, Duncan, Tyler, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee.**

* * *

 _Red Robins_

"Owen, we're going to let you be the taste-tester, but you're only allowed to eat a second's worth of the food," Emma said slowly.

"Okay! I can do that!" Owen said. His expression changed. "But I know what salad things taste like already."

"We have to get our plants from a greenhouse in the back," Ella explained, showing the piece of paper she'd been handed that said so.

"Oh, I see. Well, let's go over there and see what we've got!"

The three of them, plus Noah and Cody, did so. "I think maybe the nuclear waste has gotten here before we have," Ella said cautiously.

"Gee, what gave it away?" Noah asked. "The lettuce already in blossom, the daffodils with deformed flowers, the green carrots, or the turnip the size of my torso?"

"Well, he served _us_ tree octopus, remember?" Cody reminded them. "We can use this to get back at him!"

"Sounds good to me," Owen said. "But how did an octopus even _get_ in a tree?"

"On an island in a freshwater lake, no less," Emma agreed.

"Remember Live Octopus Arm Day?" Noah asked. "I think one of them might've escaped Chef's boat and gotten mutated."

"I hated that day," Owen shivered. "One of the [d word] things tried to choke me!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Ella.**

"And one knows Owen hates something if he starts swearing," Ella said gravely.  


* * *

 _Orange Ocelots_

"Brick, you've had to cook your own food in military school, right?" Justin asked.

"Indeed I have! Well, mostly spam," Brick admitted. "But when I was in the scouts before that I learned how to clean and cook a fish!"

"I remember Izzy cooked some carp for her team back in the bikes challenge," Sadie said. "We could fish for those in the lake!"

"Good idea," Ennui said monotonously. "The cold weather will make them slow, and harder to escape."

"Asian carp it is!" Justin said finally. "Come on, gang, let's hop to it!"

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

"So, we've all decided that we're doing the pizza cake, right?" Devin asked.

"Oh no! I am NOT touching such a monstrosity!" Laurie grimaced.

"Hey, we're not putting meat in it, it'd mess up the flavor," Ryan said. "I was thinking we could put cinnamon sugar on the outside."

"That could work," Stephanie mused. "It'd be like a built-in breadstick."

"And you won't even have to touch the cheese," Carrie added. "We _do_ need someone to make tomato sauce from scratch."

"We _could_ do that," Miles said to her girlfriend. "Besides, _we're_ not going to be the ones eating it."

"I guess," Laurie sighed.

* * *

 _Green Gators_

"Okay, we've got to do something involving cheese and fire," MacArthur said. "Those two together make me think of fondue."

"I too believe that that is what Chris intends," Scarlett agreed. "But if so, then we're going to need skewers. And something to put _in_ the fondue."

"I found grapes in the freezer, we could put those in," Sam piped up.

"Excellent! Then I guess our next job is to find the cheese. Split up, everyone!"

As they did, Mike sighed. "Cameron, can you keep a secret?"

"Of course, Mike! What is it?"

"When Gwen was eliminated, I was going to vote for Amy like everyone else, but I blacked out and later realized that I voted for Heather instead. Do you think...do you think Mal's coming back?"

Cameron gulped. "I'm not absolutely certain. But you took a nasty hit to the head in the second mine challenge, and that's Mal's trigger. So I say stay on high alert, and I'll warn the others."

"Thanks."

As Cameron left, Mike gasped and his cowlick flipped down. "Not that it'll do you any good," Mal chuckled darkly.

* * *

 _Cyan Sharks_

"Okay, we're doin' the appetizer. Just so you guys know, I'm allergic to pineapple, so our meal can't have that in it," Leshawna explained.

"Just as well, pineapple's acidic flavor is really hard to work with," Dawn replied. "If I may, I'd rather it be a vegetarian meal."

"Got it. Any ideas, then?"

"I found some mushrooms growing in my room," Harold piped up.

"Dude, _gross_!" Leshawna winced. Then she realized that secretly disgusting was exactly what they wanted for a meal served to Chris, and smiled. "They edible, though?"

"Yep, I have verified that they are _Agaricus bisporus_ , the common table mushroom," Harold replied.

"Alrighty, then! Pan-fried mushrooms it is!"

* * *

 _Blue Beetles_

"Do any of us have an idea for what we can do for this thing?" Jo asked.

"Not particularly," Jasmine shrugged. "I was thinking something raspberry."

"Bah, raspberry's overdone!" Amy retorted. "Green apple's where it's at! And I found an entire box of them!" she added, producing a box of small green fruits.

Shawn immediately recognized them. "Amy, put the box down! NOW!"

Amy dropped it immediately, freaking out. "Hey, what's the big idea?!"

"Those aren't apples, they're manchineel! One bite and you're dead!"

"You know your deadly fruits," Jasmine noted. "I respect that."

"Okay, so these things have to be disposed of," Sky said. "We can try to brainstorm once I get back."

As she left with the box, Shawn looked at Jasmine. "But how did a Latin American tree end up in Canada?"

"Chris probably gave the box to us as a gag," Jasmine grumbled. "A horrid, _horrid_ gag."

* * *

 _Purple Pigs_

"I have no idea what we're doing," Geoff admitted.

"Well, get one!" Josee snapped. "The day isn't getting any younger!"

"Alright, alright!" Tyler groaned. "Sheesh, you're worse than Courtney. No offense."

"None taken," Courtney said. "I think. Maybe we should do something with our mascot?"

Geoff snapped his fingers. "That's exactly what _I_ was thinking! We could do ribs!"

"Oh man, Owen _loves_ ribs," Beardo chuckled. "If he was judging this, he'd give us the win on the spot."

"He isn't, so who cares?" Jacques griped. Beardo glared at him.

* * *

 **Confessional – Beardo.**

"Seriously, can we _please_ just vote him off already?!"  


* * *

"I don't know, that depends on you failing!" Chris said. "So will they? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "While you were away, our lucky losers experienced some...technical difficulties. Let's watch them, shall we?"

* * *

 _Orange Ocelots_

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Sadie screamed. The Asian carp, albeit a different species from the one Izzy had caught way back when, was burning up fast. "WHY DID WE NOT CLEAN THE PAN FIRST?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Brick shouted back.

"I have a fire extinguisher," Ennui said monotonously, calmly spraying its contents onto the fire.

* * *

 _Blue Beetles_

The team had decided on making a baked orange glop and sticking it on toast. Dave was in charge of the glop, but the mixer had burnt out.

While he was trying to fix it, Mal snuck up to the bowl and added a spurt of clear fluid into it. The bottle containing the fluid read PURE CAPSAICIN, DO NOT EAT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, THIS MEANS YOU. He chuckled and slunk away.

"Oh, _here_ we go," Dave said, turning the mixer back on and setting it back into the glop, none the wiser.

* * *

 _Green Gators_

"The burner's not working," Sam said. They'd collected various blocks of various cheeses and were trying to melt them.

"I have a Bunsen burner in my cabin, I believe I should go get it," Scarlett said. As she left, Mal returned and reverted to Mike.

"Hey Mike, what's that you've got in your hand?" MacArthur asked.

Mike realized what he was carrying. "...How did _this_ get here?"

"I don't think it'll work," DJ said. "Dairy contains casein, which basically scrubs capsaicin up and cancels out the spice. It normally only works with cold milk, but I think it might be a little true with cheese."

"Oh," Mike said. "I'm still gonna keep this, though. We might need to use it against a bear."

"Good thinking," Sanders agreed.

Cameron was a little concerned by the subtle aggression in Mike's personality.

* * *

Over the next couple hours, everyone worked on their food:

The Red Robins dumped a bunch of green stuff into a bowl and walked away.

The Orange Ocelots tried to salvage the rest of their fish.

The Yellow Yaks put the finishing layer of cheese on the top of their pizza cake, before putting it into the oven and baking it.

The Green Gators retrieved the frozen grapes.

The Cyan Sharks tried not to lose their mushrooms.

The Blue Beetles argued over what bread to use for the toast the orange glop would be the spread for.

And lastly, the Purple Pigs removed their ribs from the oven, satisfied at how they turned out.

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Annnnnd time!" Chris said. "It's one o'clock, that means it's time for me to eat! In exchange for the food presented to me by your captain, I will give your team a random, exclusive confessional from one of your remaining members!"

"Oh no," Geoff gulped.

"First up, the Cyan Sharks!"

Zoey walked up with the plate of bedroom mushrooms and a cup of water. Chris stabbed one of the mushrooms and ate it. "Hm, not bad. A little boring, but still tolerable! Seven out of ten!" He played the confessional:

* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.**

"You know, I kinda like my team. They're all interesting people. More than I can say for Taylor's Angels."  


* * *

Zoey laughed nervously as Taylor glared at her. "Next up, the Orange Ocelots!"

Since their captain, Beth, had been eliminated already, it was Justin who walked up with the fish. Or rather, its burnt remnants. The drink was a juicebox of lemonade. "Char-broiled, huh?" Chris asked, cutting off a piece and eating it. "Bleh. Two out of ten!" He played the confessional:

* * *

 **Confessional – Justin.**

"Karma karma karma karma chameleon!" He sighed, shaking his head and laughing. "Man, I love that song."

* * *

Everyone laughed at Justin's embarrassing moment. Except for Ella, that is. "Just so you know, I quite like that song myself," she mentioned to him. Justin stopped looking worried and smiled proudly.

"Next up, the Purple Pigs!" Geoff walked up proudly. His team had made barbecue ribs with a side of fusili bucati corti in marina sauce, with milk as the drink. "Oooh, not bad!" Chris broke out a pair of Trongs.

"You have _Trongs?!_ " Heather cackled.

"I don't want to get my hands dirty!" Chris protested, taking a bite out of the ribs while wearing the plastic claws. He set them down and then ate some of the pasta. "Not bad, this might be the best one yet! Ten out of ten!" The Purple Pigs high-fived each other, even the Ice Dancers. Chris played the confessional:

* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.**

"I can't believe the state of this island. It gets more dangerous every minute! And I'm _really_ scared of Fang..."

* * *

"Don't worry Bridgey-bear, Fang scares all of us," Geoff said, hugging his girlfriend softly.

"Now we reach the halfway point with the Red Robins!" Owen presented the salad. It consisted of green carrot shredding, premature lettuce, lavender tomatoes, and stringless celery. The drink was carbonated water. "Hmph, this mutant stuff tastes just like the regular stuff," Chris murmured after getting one of each type of plant. "Six out of ten, could've used dressing."

"Salad dressing has no nutritional value, also it's gross," Noah replied.

"I know, right?" Emma agreed. Chris played the confessional:

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"Why do _I_ have to be the captain of my team?! I'm an alliance- _ee_ , not an alliance- _er_!"

* * *

" _I_ think you're a good captain, for what it's worth," Izzy said. Owen smiled at this.

"Next up, the Green Gators!" Cameron had a pot of melted cheese, skewers sticking out of it, and due to its weight he struggled to carry it. He eventually set it down and retrieved the juice box of grape juice.

Chris removed one of the skewers and ate the grape on the end of it, then grimaced. "Hm. You know what people say about grapes going with cheese? They lied. Four out of ten." He played the confessional:

* * *

 **Confessional – Eva.**

"I've always had problems controlling my temper, but this stupid show is _really_ taxing me," Eva grumbled. She glared at the camera. "I swear, the next time Chris pulls a stupid stunt like that again, _I_ am going to _scream_."  


* * *

"I don't blame you, to be honest," Scarlett said. "Perhaps you should take up meditation as well. It's done wonders for me."

"You're the smart one," Eva replied.

"Next, we have the Yellow Yaks and...ooh, that looks delicious!"

"It _does_ look more appetizing than I thought it would," Heather admitted as she set down the cinnamon-dusted pizza cake. The drink was lime soda. Chris cut a piece of it out and ate it.

"Not bad! Nine out of ten!" He played the confessional:

* * *

 **Confessional – Devin.**

"Carrie and I have been best friends since we met in a sandbox at age four," Devin explained. "Ryan joined our little buddyship in elementary school, and we were inseperable then." He sighed. "Why does highschool have to have such strict social divisions? Even _I_ know it's wrong, and I'm an idiot."  


* * *

Chris silently glared at Devin before reverting to his chipper face. "And last up, the Blue Beetles! If you don't fail this, the Orange Ocelots will lose!"

"So what was the point of this even being a competition?" Crimson asked emotionlessly.

"I suckered you chumps into making me food!" Chris replied cheerfully. Shawn set down the orange-covered toast, with a strawberry smoothie for the drink. Chris bit down into the toast and immediately went red in the face. "AGH!" he shrieked, before quickly chugging the smoothie. "That was awful! Zero out of ten! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Blue Beetles, you failed!"

"Failed? More like got sabotaged," Jo growled. "Dave, you were supposed to keep watch!"

"The mixer broke!" Dave protested. "And you guys were busy arguing over the bread!"

"That _was_ a stupid argument," Sammy apologized. "Sorry."

Chris played the confessional:

* * *

 **Confessional – Sky.**

"To be frank...I don't think I'm ready for another relationship."  


* * *

Everyone gasped. They knew Sky and Dave had recently become a sort-of-couple the last challenge.

Noah raised an eyebrow. This seemed too deliberate. In the confessional Sky was wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and as he could tell from the leg in her lap, flip-flops, which allowed him to date the confessional's occurrence to early September, right after Keith had unceremoniously replaced Sky with Carmelita. It had been three months since then; Sky had obviously moved on.

It looked like Chris was manipulating the contestants to alter the votes. Either Sky or Dave would be out tonight.

But since revealing he knew so would hurt a lot more people a lot worse, Noah was forced to say nothing.

* * *

 **Confessional – Dave.**

"Why do I try..." Dave sighed, writing DAVE on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Jen.**

"What a hypocrite! People shouldn't lead on other people like that," Jen scoffed, writing SKY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sammy.**

"That confessional looked like it took place in the summer when we first came here," Sammy said. "My friends are being a bit too quick to judge. In the meantime, I'm voting for Jo." She wrote JO on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Jay.  
**

"This doesn't look too good. Noah told me that something's off, so Shawn and I are voting for Amy." He wrote AMY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." There were nineteen marshmallows on the plate, only three of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because we only serve gourmet drama here. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Shawn, Sammy, Jasmine, Jay, Tom, and Jen." They all got their marshmallows.

Chris pointed to the pair of blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Jo and Lightning, once again it's you two." They silently got their marshmallows.

Next, Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Amy has two again." Amy grimaced as she got her marshmallows.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're done. Sky. Dave."

They looked at each other uneasily.

"Sky, you seem to have led Dave on and lied to him. Dave, you let your team be sabotaged. With one more vote...

...

...

...

...

"Dave has voted himself off!"

As they got their marshmallows, Sky had to speak up. "Dave, I need to speak to you."

"Do you? I thought you _didn't_ want a relationship," Dave growled.

"Yeah, three months ago! Seriously Dave, did you _see_ what I was wearing in the confessional? I haven't worn my flip-flops since the fall equinox!"

"She's right," Tom realized. "That...that was an old confessional." Everyone glared at Chris.

"Well," Chris said nervously, "I never _did_ say _when_ they were made."

"Well [f word] you," Sky replied. Turning to Dave, she said, "Dave, I _do_ want to be in a relationship with you. And you're _not_ a screw-up. Though after this, I think we might need some space."

"And you staying in the game will give us that space," Dave finished. "Take care, Sky." They fist-bumped and Dave left for the Dock of Shame, chewing the half-frozen red marshmallow in thought.

* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.**

"Wow, what a butthead! How _he_ managed to snag a Gemmy is beyond me."  


* * *

"Why, my amazing talent, of course!" Chris replied. He stood in the mess hall. "Twenty-nine down. Fifty-five remain. Who will find their win peachy keen and who'll be the rotten egg? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He was about to leave when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and got held in place by Jo, who dumped the remaining orange glop down his throat. "There, perfect," she said while Chris was left to writhe in agony as punishment.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Shawn – Amy  
**

 ** ** **Lightning – Dave  
******

 ** **Jo – Dave  
****

 ** ** **Amy – Dave  
******

 ** **Sammy – Jo  
****

 ** ** ** **Jasmine – Sky  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Sky – Lightning  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Jay – Amy  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Tom – Sky  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jen – Sky  
****************

 **Dave – self  
**

 **Results: 4-3-2-1-1 Dave-Sky-Amy-Lightning-Jo  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty (t), Gwen, Dave  
**

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (5)**

* * *

 _Bonus clip:  
_

"Hey Geoff, can I get the recipe for your meal?" Owen asked.

"Sure, if you can give me one of those sweet-looking green carrots!"

"Done and done!" Owen said, pulling out a green carrot from his pants pocket.

"You just casually have a carrot in your pocket?"

"Nutrition waits for no man!"

Geoff laughed. "I totally agree, dude."


	39. 2-9: Shirking on the Railroad

**Happy whatever!**

 **This story is now 783 pages long! Thanks for all your support, and stay tuned for when we cross the 1000-page mark!** **And now it's review time!**

 **AUfan62: Thanks! There's some more in this chapter!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I like punishing Chris. And I'm glad I got the chance to tone back the Sky/Dave thing into something more reasonable!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I thought it would be extremely ironic if Sierra was her own undoing. I hated how the love triangle was drawn out in canon, because in real life it could be solved with little drama. Ditto Skave. Gwen was eliminated because people were uncertain what not outright saying she was dating Duncan meant about her trustworthiness; plus, Alejandro pulled some strings because Gwen's elimination would make Heather happy, and if Heather's happy, so's he. All TV shows must come to an end, and at least TD ended before it could deteriorate like Steven Universe has (though Dramarama doesn't really stand out among Cartoon Network's lineup, IMO it's very similar to many other shows they've aired).**

* * *

 _Wednesday, December 6, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – om nom nom! [Chris eating the pizza cake] The Gemmys are tomorrow on the seventh at seven, so I had the kids cook me up some grub! [Red Robins dumping greens into a bowl and walking away] There were some delicious dishes [Purple Pigs meal] and some kitchen nightmares! [The burning fish] Thanks to Mal, Mike's recently-released evil persona [Mal lacing the orange glop with capsaicin], the Blue Beetles lost! [Chris downing the smoothie] And thanks to a confessional that made him doubt his newfound relationship with Sky [the aforementioned confessional], Dave voted himself off! [Dave's elimination]"

Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our thirtieth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.

A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a railyard. Chris was dressed in his normal clothes as he walked around in a passenger car. "We've engineered another fun challenge! Pun _completely_ intended! Fifty-five contestants remain. Who's going to cook up the most fun and who'll lose all their stars? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from a trash can, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a bucket, startling a pigeon. The third popped out from the middle of the tracks, only to be hit by a Kawasaki K LRV trolley.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

A CNR U-1-a chuffed down the line, while many of the teens were taking pictures of it. Lightning was too close to the line and wasn't paying attention, and as a result was grazed by an incoming CNR EMD SD75I.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

Izzy inched towards the pantograph of a BC Rail GMD GF6C. She touched it, and got zapped. She fell off the roof with a giddy expression on her face.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on top of a boxcar. They didn't notice the incoming tunnel.

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen picked up a bathtub gondola filled to the brim with food of various types and poured it into his mouth, eating all of it in one bite.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Justin stood on the deck of the last car of a passenger train, taking in the air. He then got a face full of soot from a passing CNR J-3-a.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Courtney sighed disinterestedly as an Ontario Northland Railway EMD FP7 passed with some tankers.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Lindsay, Tom, and Jen were taking pictures of a CNR X-10a, the flash of their cameras blinding Cameron and causing him to stumble around.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Devin and Carrie air-guitared on the front platform of an CP EMD GP20C-ECO as it rolled along, with Beardo taking the place of its malfunctioning horn. Sugar wasn't paying attention at the crossing and nearly got hit by them, shaking her fist at them as they left.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Scarlett and Harold modified an old caboose into a GIANT FRICKING TRANSFORMING ROBOT!

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Noah and Emma watched the sun set over the railyard. Emma looked uncertain about something.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Jacques and Josee looked each other in the eyes...while they were being watched by some colorful British locomotives that had gray faces. The red L&YR Hughes K28 gagged at the mushiness.

* * *

 _Green Gators_

Mike awoke to a piece of paper landing on his face. He removed it and realized that it was Courtney's old elimination list from the beginning of the series, dirty and worn from months of weathering. "If this gets into the wrong hands, she could be sent out _today_!" he exclaimed. "I'd better hide this until I get a chance to dispose of it for her." He slipped it under his mattress for safekeeping.

But little did he know that he himself would be his own undoing.

* * *

"Okay everyone, it's the last challenge before the Gemmys, so let's make it count!" Chris said. Everyone checked their seats for their teams.

Brick, Jen, Leshawna, Carrie, Bridgette, Owen, Taylor, Sugar, Duncan, Courtney, Geoff, Mike, Alejandro, Tom, Topher, Lightning, DJ, and Zoey's circles were black with a pile of coal on them.

Sierra, Noah, Emma, Jacques, Sammy, Amy, Cody, Josee, Eva, Heather, Cameron, Sam, Justin, Scarlett, Lindsay, Shawn, Jasmine, and Sky's were orange and had an oil drum on them.

Sanders, MacArthur, Ryan, Harold, Jo, Beardo, Jay, Izzy, Tyler, Dawn, Devin, Ella, Miles, Laurie, Crimson, Ennui, Stephanie, and B's were sky blue and had a lightning bolt.

And Sadie's circle was green and had a battery on it.

"Yes sirree, we're doing a trainspotting challenge today!" Chris confirmed. "The premise? _I_ am a very important passenger who needs to get to the next station on time!" In that very moment, every teen silently decided to put aside their differences and work together to give Chris the absolute _worst_ ride possible.

"If you got a black circle, you are the Super Steamers, and you're the lucky chumps assigned to take me! If you've got an orange circle, you're the Devious Diesels! Sick and tired of the steam engines always getting the good jobs because people idolize them, you've decided to take my passenger car yourselves!

"If you've got a blue circle, you are the Enforcing Electrics. You think the rivalry between steam and diesel is getting out of hand. So to teach them a lesson, _you're_ going to try and take my car!

"If you've got a green circle, you are the Mole. You are a battery-powered electric locomotive in the body of a diesel. You will give the Enforcing Electrics the Devious Diesels' plans so they can stop them! But you can also double-cross them and take the passenger car for yourself! If you get caught, you get automatically sent to the sheds for the rest of the game and can't help them. When it comes to voting time, you will be counted with the Electrics.

"The winner is whoever delivers the car I'm in on time. You can move freight cars into cool designs to get points; whoever gets more moved even if they don't deliver me will be safe from elimination. Good luck!"

An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a dusty railyard appeared on the canvas screen...

* * *

 _Super Steamers_

"Why are so many of us _American_ locomotives?" Bridgette asked, eying the CENTRAL RAILROAD OF NEW JERSEY logo on her tender. She'd been turned into a beautiful blue 4-6-2 tender locomotive, a feedwater heater above her eyes like a bow.

"Presumably because there were a greater variety than those of Canada," Alejandro replied. He was a black 4-8-0 tender engine. two massive smoke deflectors on either side of his face. "Although judging by _my_ basis, I appear to be of my homeland."

"Hey, how come I'm olive and not black like I should be?" Brick, now a military-grade 2-8-2 tender engine, asked.

"You don't seem to be meant for a specific railroad, so you take on the colors we're assigned in the virtual world," Jen, a big green streamlined 4-4-4-4 tender engine, explained. "Seriously, why in the virtual world do we all wear the same clothing?"

"So the idiots watching this show know who we are," Duncan, a streamlined silver-and-orange 4-4-2 tender engine, replied crossly. "Let's just get Chris and get this over with."

* * *

 _Devious Diesels_

"So...where do you think Chris will be?" Sammy asked. She'd been turned into a sleek B-B cab unit, dark red with cerulean accents.

"At some station no doubt," Scarlett, a green B-B British diesel, explained. "What we should do first is find the passenger car meant to take him, then we can put that into a train, block the Steamers using the freight cars, then collect him."

Justin, a small dark blue B-B diesel switcher, noticed a passing Chef, who'd been turned into a mechanic. "Hey, Chef? Which passenger car is Chris staying in? Asking for a friend."

"He's gonna be in number eighty-four," Chef replied. "Can't make a deal with you kids, but I can at least do that."

"Excellent!" Scarlett beamed. "Once we find that car, we can take it for ourselves!"

"Yeah!" Amy agreed. She was the same class as Sammy, only dark red and light pink instead of dark red and cerulean, plus she was missing her cab and was just a uniform box shape. She tried to move, but failed. "What? Why can't I move?!"

"You're a B unit," Cameron, a dark blue, boxy, old-looking B-B diesel, explained nervously. "You...can't move under your own power. You're meant to give the A-unit extra strength for pulling bigger trains."

Hearing this, Sammy grinned deviously at her sister. "Oh, I'm gonna have _lots_ of fun with this."

None of them noticed the black-and-green B-B diesel (or so it seemed) slip out of the yard.

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"Ha-HA!" he laughed. The confessionals were in a roundhouse. "Sammy's getting really confident lately. And I for one _love it_!" He sighed. "Though Sierra doesn't seem to like that I have a girlfriend who isn't her. I should talk to her before she sabotages us to get Sammy voted out."  


* * *

 _Enforcing Electrics_

Sadie was the mole. She looked like a standard Norfolk Southern diesel, but the green accents on her otherwise black paintwork signified that she wasn't one now. She parked on the rails the Electrics were standing on. "Guys, Chris is in coach eighty-four, we have to move now!"

"Whoa, whoa, hold your horses," Ryan, now a massive dark red 2-C-C-2 electric engine with thin golden stripes, said. "We can't move just yet. We need to make a plan first."

"Well, we'd better make that plan quickly," Stephanie, turned into a black 2-C-2 engine who looked like a shorter version of Ryan's form, pointed out. "Otherwise we're losing this game!"

"Good point. Okay, Harold, you're the geek, figure out what we should be doin'."

"Of course," Harold, a big and proud-looking silver B-B electric engine with ocean blue accents, said graciously. "Okay, Chris said we get points if we make a fancy design out of the freight cars. Sanders, MacArthur, B, Jo, Beardo, Laurie, you're based on freight locomotives, so you're in charge of that."

B, an experimental-looking white C-C with orange accents, honked affirmingly.

"Now we need a passenger engine to take number eighty-four. Izzy, you're perma-coupled to your coaches, so you're not good here."

"Darn!" a silver-and blue bullet train grumbled.

"Tyler, your class has a history of needing frequent repairs, so also no."

Tyler, a banana-shaped red electric engine with white accents, fell apart right where he was standing. "Fine by me," he said weakly.

"On second thought, Laurie, you're taking him to the workshop. Now, I'm not gonna do it because I don't wanna seem selfish. Ryan, your base uses mercury in its rectifiers and PCBs in its transformers, so that's no good either. Jay, you're a multiple unit, so no on that too."

"Can ANY of us take the train if we've all got problems with our designs?!" Stephanie growled.

"I believe _I_ can," Ella said softly. She was a black-and-silver electric engine with pink, orange, and blue accents.

"Yeah, Ella's _perfect_ for this!" Harold realized. "Go on, Ella. We're counting on you."

Ella honked. "Then I shall do my best." She left, singing "If this train runs me right, I'll be home tomorrow night, 'cuz I'm nine hundred miles from my home~"

* * *

 **Super Steamers: Brick (USRA Heavy Mikado), Jen (PRR T1), Leshawna (SP GS-4), Carrie (Southern Railway PS-4), Bridgette (CNJ G3s), Owen (UP Big Boy), Taylor (C &O L-1), Sugar (PRR D6), Duncan (Milwaukee Road Class A Hiawatha), Courtney (NdeM GR-30), Geoff (SP AC-12), Mike (Central Pacific Super Mastodon), Alejandro (RENFE 240F), Tom (NYC J3a), Topher (ATSF 3460), Lightning (B&O P7a), DJ (JGR M-2), and Zoey (PRR K4).  
**

 **Devious Diesels: Sierra (EMD GP7), Noah (Indian Railways WDM-3A), Emma (China Railways DF11), Jacques (EMD E9), Sammy (EMD F7A), Amy (EMD F7B), Cody (EMD SD60), Josee (SNCF Class BB 475000), Eva (UP EMD DDA40X), Heather (MP54AC), Cameron (B &O EMC 1800hp B-B), Sam (EMD SD40-2), Justin (Whitcomb 45t diesel-electric switcher), Scarlett (BR Class 17), Lindsay (UP GTEL Gen. 3), Shawn (GE U30c), Jasmine (UGL Rail C44aci), and Sky (EMD FP40H).  
**

 **Enforcing Electrics: Sanders (Milwaukee Road ES-2), MacArthur (Milwaukee Road EP-2), Ryan (PRR GG1), Harold (EMD AEM-7), Jo (Milwaukee Road EF-4), Beardo (** **NYC S-Motor** **), Jay (Septa Silverliner V), Izzy (First Gen. Acela Express), Tyler (HHP-8), Dawn (ABB ALP-44), Devin (KTX-Sancheon), Ella (NJT ALP-46), Miles (GN Boxcab), Laurie (GN W-1), Crimson (Metra Highliner II), Ennui (PRR E3c), Stephanie (PRR P5a Modified), and B (Conrail EMD GM6C).**

 **Mole: Sadie (Altoona Works BP4)**

 **Hosts: Chris (special passenger), Chef (repair dude)**

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Okay, let's see what we've got," Leshawna, a black-and-orange streamlined 4-8-4 tender engine, said as she puffed into the yard. However, she stopped when she came across a green boxcar. "What? Sheesh, can't people pick up after themselves?" She shoved it into a siding. "Step aside, people, Leshawna's coming through!" Then she bumped into something much, _much_ bigger.

It was a checkerboard made out of freight cars. Black tankers for the black squares, white covered hoppers for the white ones, with brown boxcars making up the outline.

"Aw, _what_? Who has the time for _this_?" Leshawna groaned.

"My thoughts exactly," Noah, a scarlet C-C diesel, agreed as he motored next to her. "We were gonna have Heather pull the train, as much as we hate her, and I was gonna build something to keep you guys away."

"So if neither of us...oh, [h word]!" Leshawna groaned, letting off a big cloud of steam. "That mole got us _both_ good!"

"And the Electrics are going to pick up Chris as we speak, no doubt," Noah added.

* * *

 _Chris_

"About TIME someone showed up!" Chris complained when Ella pulled into the station. He got into the train's red-and-teal six-axle coach, numbered 84 and named THE MCLEAN MACHINE, and Ella pulled away.

* * *

 **Confessional – Ella.**

"Chris has seriously taxed my ability to be nice to everyone." Ella paused. "Wait, shouldn't I be pulling the train right now?"  


* * *

 **Confessional – The Nerdinator.**

 **"Toon Physics, man,"** I, turned into a Green Bay & Western C-38 2-8-0 tender engine, shrugged.  


* * *

 _The yard_

"Screw you guys," Noah grumbled as he pushed the freight cars out of the way.

"Hey, it was funny and you know it," Sanders, turned into a black-and-orange B-B steeplecab, said as she helped.

"I gotta admit, it _was_ really creative," Leshawna agreed. "But how d'we even _manage_ to have this much track?"

"Lack of realism, I suppose." Noah sighed. "Hey guys, you're women, right?"

"We both identify as female and have two X chromosomes, if that's what you're asking," Sanders said. "What's up?"

"It's Emma. She's been acting weird lately. Like, really insistent that we do schoolwork together. And angry."

"Well, first her sister was eliminated due to a questionable tiebreaker," Leshawna remembered, "so that's the fury part. And for the other thing, didn't she mention she got clingy sometimes with Jake?"

"And it started soon after Tyler exposed Duncan and Gwen, then it got worse after the last challenge when Sky and Dave had their own hiccup." Noah realized something. "She's afraid that _our_ relationship's next, isn't she?"

"Probably. You should talk to her soon before it gets worse," Sanders said.

"Good call. Thanks a bunch, guys."

* * *

"Well, that drama can wait!" Chris said in his seat. "Will their _train_ ing pay off? Find out after these messages."

Ella deliberately hit a bump in the rails and sent Chris headfirst into the seat in front of him. "Ow..."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're – WHOA!" Ella braked hard, sending Chris to the floor.

* * *

Ella sighed. "A freight train now of all times? Oh well, I guess I should've checked the timetables." Mike, as an old-looking brown 4-10-0 tender engine, was passing in front of her with a long line of cars.

"AND you should've checked behind you!" Ella turned her head and saw Tom, turned into a silver streamlined 4-6-4 tender engine, approaching her coach. He chuckled. "Victory is OURS!" Then he tried to take the coach...but failed.

"Aw, what? Man, I wish we had hands!" Suddenly, a pair of arms appeared from below his smokebox. "Oh yeah, I forgot we could do that." He uncoupled Ella's coach from her train and dropped it behind him, then coupled himself to it using a pair of arms extending from his tender's behind.

* * *

Chris was shook around like a piece of popcorn as the coach jostled.

* * *

"See you at the finish line!" Tom laughed as he chugged away.

"Now I see the reason his class is extinct in real life," Ennui, a black C-C electric engine, said monotonously crossly as he pulled up next to Ella. "Come. We have little time to waste."

"Right," Ella agreed, and they clicked off together with what was left of the passenger train.

* * *

 _Devious Diesels_

"Here he comes!" Cody, a big yellow C-C diesel, said as Tom approached. "When I blast my horn, you guys jump out and snatch Chris' car. Got it?"

"Yessir!" Sam, a red with beige accents C-C diesel, agreed.

"I guess," Sierra, a purple boxy-looking B-B diesel, said dully. When Tom got close enough, Cody honked, startling the steam engine. Sam quickly rolled out, snatched the coach, and rolled away.

"Give that back!" Tom protested. Suddenly, a large mustard yellow D-D diesel pulled in front of him.

"Yeah, no," Eva said, before grabbing him and dragging him away as quickly as she came.

"C'mon gang, let's get this to Heather and win this," Sam said, pointing to the coach.

"Give me a minute, I need to talk to Sierra." Cody turned to her to the best of his ability. Not having a neck made it hard. "So I guess you're upset that I'm not dating you, huh?"

"A little," Sierra sighed. "I'm just...more upset with me, frankly. I've been such a stalker and a creep, and you never deserved any of that. Sammy...she's better for you than I am. I just...want you to be happy."

"Well, if you help us win, that'll be a good place to start," Cody smiled, then his expression faltered. "Didn't Dawn say your dad was like me?"

"Yeah, he was. He was a journalist and...he went to Iran for a story, and well, do the math."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that," Cody winced. "How's your mom holding up?"

"She fell in love with Chris, that's how I ended up being such a big fan of him."

"Are you two losers coming or not?!" Heather, turned into a sleek lilac B-B diesel with dull red and black accents, called from far away.

"Yes, Heather," Cody grumbled as he and Sierra motored off.

* * *

 _Super Steamers_

"Okay Owen, we need to make sure that Tom doesn't lose Chris," Duncan said, unaware that he already had. "Get all those cars, and you'll make the biggest blockade ever! Plus, we'll get in there too in case we need to derail some twerps."

Owen, a massive black and silver 4-8-8-4 tender engine, gulped as he looked into the yard. "But Duncan, there's over 200 cars in there!"

"Owen, you're a big boy. Literally. You can handle that much weight."

"I'm not so sure," Courtney, a black 2-8-0 tender engine, said. "A lot of those cars look _really_ heavy. And your other plan won't really work."

"Why not?"

"A lot of us don't _have_ couplings in the front, Duncan! That includes _you_ too, by the way!"

Duncan realized this and sighed. "Okay, so maybe we just have Mike or Geoff or maybe you at the back. Big deal!"

"Guys, we should probably stop arguing," Carrie, here a vibrant green 4-6-2 tender engine with gold trim, cut in. "We should probably have _multiple_ trains if we're going to win this. Owen, take six dozen cars."

"The best number for donuts!" Owen realized.

"Duncan, Courtney, you two and I are taking fifteen each. That should be enough for all of us and will let us stagger our security. Got it?"

"Sounds good to me," Duncan shrugged.

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"Huh. For a Misfit she's pretty clever. Why Devin hasn't recognized she'd be better for him than that Shelley bimbo is beyond me. Oh, wait, no, it isn't." He laughed at his own joke, unaware of the irony.  


* * *

 _Enforcing Electrics_

"Looks like the steamers had the same idea as us," Jo, turned into a bright orange double-ended 2-D+D-2 electric engine, muttered as she looked on the many trains in front of her and Izzy. "Iz, you're gonna have to thread the needle and–"

"Get to the other side?" Jo's jaw dropped when she saw that Izzy was already there.

"Atta girl, Izzy!" Jo said after shaking herself out of her trance. "See if you can screw up the switches and lead these guys elsewhere."

"I'm on it!" Suddenly, she stopped moving and couldn't start up again. "Or maybe I'm not. Who knows?"

"Dangit!" Jo growled. "Someone must've found the generator and took it out! Without that, we can't move!"

"Oh, that's horrible!" Owen exclaimed as he stopped nearby. "I wonder who did it?"

"Owen, quit talking to the enemy and move your fat tender!" Duncan shouted from somewhere.

"Sorry, I gotta go," Owen winced. "But I'll come back for you guys, I promise."

"Thanks, Big O," Izzy grinned.

"Owen!" Owen sighed and left.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"Noah said that as Misfits we should be willing to extend a hand to anyone," Owen said. "But a lot of people don't seem to want to extend theirs back."  


* * *

 _Super Steamers_

It was, of course, Sugar who'd done it. She'd been turned into an old slate gray 4-4-0 tender engine and was chuckling darkly. She'd thrown Heather into the power generator. "Ha-HA! Now that stupid car's gonna be **mine**!" The car was lying on its side. Inside, Chris was very, very dazed and very, very bruised.

"Sugar, you TWIT!" Alejandro growled. "You had no need to hurt my beloved!"

"Oh, sure, _now_ you like me," Heather grumbled painfully.

"Screw that! We're gonna win this for sure thanks to me!"

"Hey, she took out one of the teams, that's good enough for me," Duncan said nonchalantly. Behind him, Topher, turned into a light blue 4-6-4 tender engine, rerailed the coach.

As the argument continued, Sammy, towing Amy behind her, noticed an opportunity. "If we can get that passenger car we can win this! The station isn't too far from here, so we've got a good chance. Amy, you're gonna need to give us a boost."

"And why should I?"

"I'll tell people not to vote for you the next time you're on the losing team."

Amy was _very_ tempted by that. "Done." She ramped up her engine alongside her sister. Then they took off, shoving into the coach and speeding away.

"HA!" Heather said, before coughing.

"I got a crane," Emma, turned into a dark blue boxy C-C diesel with white trim, said as she pulled up. "Even though I don't like Heather, she still doesn't deserve being used as a human battering ram."

* * *

The Prescott twins pulled into the station and Chris, heavily injured, stumbled out of the car. Suddenly, they erupted in a flash of blue light...

* * *

And in the real world, Chris was glaring at everyone. "What the heck was _that_?!"

"Karma, I believe it's called," Shawn quipped, earning some laughs.

"Well then. The Devious Diesels got me to the station, so therefore they win! Your prize? An all-expenses-paid trip to the Canadian Railway Museum!

"Enforcing Electrics, you made a _really_ cool blockade! And Sadie, our beloved mole, you never got caught!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Sadie.**

"Yes! I didn't mess this up! Katie's gonna be so proud of me!"  


* * *

"Your prize? Chicken salad, oysters, rice croquettes, sweet potatoes, and coffee!

"Super Steamers. For the iconic locomotives you sure messed up bigtime. You didn't make very cool blockades AND you lost my coach! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Super Steamers, you're being withdrawn!"

Mike gasped...

* * *

 _Inside Mike's mind..._

Mal arose from the floor, grinning maliciously. "Oh no!" Svetlana shrieked. "The evil one is of back!"

"And evil one will be of _forever_!" Mal replied, mocking her broken English. He stomped the floor and it cracked into pieces, and began to shove Mike's alternates down the newly-formed chasms.

Mike gulped as Mal approached him. "Sayonara, original! It's Mal's body now!" the alter cackled.

"Mal, you can't do this!"

"I can and I will. Now EVERYONE will fear me, for I will use that five million bucks to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" He stomped again, and Mike screamed as he fell into the depths of his subconscious.

* * *

 _Some time later_

Mal, disguising himself as Mike, ran out of his cabin. "Hey guys! I found an elimination list in my cabin! Whoever was in it before me must've hidden it under my bed!"

"What? Lemme see that!" Taylor snatched it from him. "Me gone fifth! FIFTH!" she roared.

"And I would've been gone fiftieth," Geoff noted. "Huh, they must find me sorta okay but still tricky."

"I know that handwriting! It's Courtney's!" Duncan exclaimed. Some of the team glared at Courtney, who chuckled nervously. Mal grinned sadistically.

* * *

 **Confessional – Mal.**

"It's so easy. Take the heat off _me_ and put the heat on _her_." Mal chuckled as he wrote COURTNEY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Courtney.**

"I thought I threw that stupid list out _months_ ago! And I'm not too good with people, but I _know_ Mike would never do something like that. It's more likely that his rogue personality Mal is back." She wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper. "So I'm gonna not get on his bad side, plus Sugar's paying for beating up Heather."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Taylor.**

"You're _paying_ for wanting me out early!" She wrote COURTNEY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Brick.  
**

"Owen told me about how mean Duncan was to him about talking to Izzy and Jo. The other teams may have been our enemies today, but the next time they'll be our allies. One must adapt if they're to survive." He wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." There were eighteen marshmallows on the plate, four of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got at the drama depot. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Brick, Jen, Leshawna, Carrie, Bridgette, Owen, Taylor, Geoff, Mike, Tom, Topher, Lightning, DJ, and Zoey."

When they were done, Chris pointed to the blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Alejandro, this is yours."

Next, Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Sugar has a pair tonight."

"Aw, what? I thought people had stopped votin' fer me!" Sugar complained.

"You thought wrong. In fact, I don't think you think at all!" Topher retorted.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're done. Courtney. Duncan."

The ex-lovers glared at each other.

"Courtney, your elimination chart has made you some enemies. Duncan, your passiveness AND aggressiveness has made you some enemies too. But one of you has two enemies more...

...

...

...

...

"And that chump is NOT Duncan!"

Courtney groaned, trying hard to hold back her tears.

* * *

 **Confessional – Jen.**

"This time I _didn't_ vote Courtney because I believed Mike right of the bat. If that even _is_ him right now. I voted for her because she's smart and athletic, two things that I'm not as good at being. Plus, Courtney's not afraid to mess up her makeup or clothing if she gets dirty, putting me at a disadvantage."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Cody and Lindsay.**

"I was turned into this gigantic yellow thing, what was I?" Lindsay asked. "'Cuz I don't think it was one of you guys."  


"You were a Union Pacific gasoline turbine, meant to replace the Big Boys but failing," Cody explained.

"Oh!" A pause. "I wish Tyler could've been around to help more instead of needing to be put back together."

"Me too, he's a cool guy."

* * *

"Cool is of course a relative term!" Chris said. He stood at the campfire. "Thirty down. Fifty-four remain. Who'll become a legend of the rails and who won't? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Suddenly, a gigantic mutant common musk turtle appeared out of nowhere. Chris screamed and ran away as the reptile chased him.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Brick – Duncan  
**

 ** ** **Jen – Courtney  
******

 ** **Leshawna – Duncan  
****

 ** ** **Carrie – Duncan  
******

 ** **Bridgette – Duncan  
****

 ** ** ** **Owen – Duncan  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Taylor – Courtney  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Sugar – Courtney  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Duncan – Courtney  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Courtney – Sugar  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Geoff – Duncan  
********************

 **Mal – Courtney  
**

 **Alejandro – Courtney  
**

 ** ** **Tom – Courtney  
******

 ** **Topher – Sugar****

 ** ** ** **Lightning – Courtney  
********

 ** ** ** ** ** **DJ – Didn't vote  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Zoey – Alejandro  
****************

 **Results: 8-6-2-1 Courtney-Duncan-Sugar-Alejandro  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (4)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

Chef was still in the virtual world. "Hm...I wonder if I can turn myself into a train?" He fiddled with some buttons in the floor and then...

Turned into a white 53' Canadian Pacific refrigerator car. "Well, I guess this is my trainsona or whatever. Not bad at all. Though I wish I was self-powered or whatever it's called."


	40. Aftermath V

**Happy New Year! And now it's r** **eview time!**

 **Lara2244: Yep, Mal's arc has thus begun! Let's see how much less ableist it is this time!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! It sure is.**

 **SideshowJazz1: Thanks! Your stuff's kinda average-quality for me. Spellcheck is an inherent feature of Microsoft Word, Google Docs, and this site; I suggest you look for the little red lines under misspelled words. (Sadly this site hasn't evolved to check for grammar errors, it'd save me a lot of time if it did.) It's not a specific complaint for you, it's just something that bugs me in general. For characterization, rereading your own writing and the wiki are really helpful.**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! That's a holdover from the canon, Courtney not thinking everything through. But I'm glad you like her characterization in this continuity! And this Mal is sneakier and slimier than he's ever been before! *Patent pending.**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I write Thomas & Friends too, so that chapter was a reference to it! Go check out The Ballad of Dominic and my other works in that fandom on my profile page!**

* * *

 _Katie Mendel, The Peppy Girl.  
_

"For Queen Miranda!" Katie cried as soon as she touched the ground. Suddenly, she was blasted by the laser cannon and ejected from the game.

 _Trent Gagnon, The Generic Guy.  
_

"Today just wasn't my day, was it?" Trent sighed.

 _Kitsune "Kitty" Xin, The Cell Phone Addict.  
_

"Considering you immunized my sister, I'm gonna have to call bull to your crap," Kitty quipped.

 _Gwen Seville, The Snarky Goth._

"...I did _not_ need to know that last bit," Gwen grimaced.

 _Dave Agarwal, The Neat Freak._

"And you staying in the game will give us that space," Dave finished. "Take care, Sky."

 _Courtney Silveria, The Highstrung CIT._

"A lot of us don't _have_ couplings in the front, Duncan! That includes _you_ too, by the way!" Courtney, in her trainsona, snapped.

 _The next six contestants who've been eliminated have returned to their school. But while their ex-teammates do their schoolwork–_

Geoff "ooohed" at the intricate 3D molecule model on the computer.

 _–we follow up on the losers. Where are they now? What are they up to? And what will we do now that Chris and Blaineley aren't here? This._

 _Is._

 _Aftermath: Total Drama Edition._

* * *

 _Theme music_

The screen opened and the viewer saw two clips, side-by-side, of Katie and Trent walking, shot from the front view. Katie was on the left, Trent on the right. The clips then wiped up to show Kitty and Gwen in the same setup. It happened again, revealing Dave and Courtney. Then the clips wiped up entirely.

Kelly, Dwayne, and Gerry waved to the camera. Suddenly, a flat panel fell from the ceiling on top of them, crushing them underneath. Staci ran over, lifted the panel, and helped them up.

A spotlight focused on a curtain. Two interns shakily held up a sign reading TOTAL DRAMA AFTERMATH V: HUSSY IN ABSENTIA. Then they fell over, the sign falling on top of them.

* * *

Staci gulped. "Uh...hello everyone. I'm Staci, the first contestant eliminated. Um..."

"Don't worry pretty lady, you're doing great!" Spud called from the Peanut Gallery.

Staci smiled bashfully. "Thanks, Spud." To the camera she asked rhetorically "Now, why am I doing this? Well, Blaineley and Chris left for the Gemmys tonight and she put me in charge of the fifth aftermath. So...this is going to be a little different from what you're used to."

"I'll say!" Kelly agreed.

"First up is one of two absolute best friends who became something more than that – Katie!" Katie walked onto the stage.

"So, Katie, how did you and Sadie learn you swung both ways?" Dwayne asked.

Katie laughed. "Oh, that's a funny story! Our friends were all really big fans of Shakira when we were younger, and Sadie and I...well, we found out we were fans of her not just for her musical talent."

"The hips don't lie," Lorenzo commented, earning some laughs.

"Katie, if you hadn't been eliminated when you were, what would you have done in the following challenges?" Kelly asked.

"With the exception of the VR one yesterday they all seemed kinda lame, so I don't know what I'd do for them. Seriously, are Chris and Blaineley running out of ideas to torture us with?"

"They never had any to start with!" Jazz howled, and everyone laughed.

"I hope they don't find out about how we're making fun of them," Lauren said suddenly.

"Don't worry about it!" Rock replied. "They like, made this weird decision to like, not watch the series until it's done. They like, think it'd be bad luck if they did."

"So Chris only sees some of the production process and Blaineley only glosses over the finished episodes, and neither of them watch the aftermaths," Leshaniqua murmured.

"That and they have no control over the aftermaths at all, since it's a different company," Phil added.

"Anyway!" Gerry interjected. "This is very interesting, but we need to get this show done before lunch ends. Katie, if you _had_ stayed until Truth or Scare, which one would you rather get?"

"Truth for that time I thought Gwen wanting us to 'go green' meant literally," Katie chuckled. "I had green dye in places you normally wouldn't put it!" She left the stage.

"Uh...was she talking about–" Staci realized something and shook her head, blushing in embarrassment. "Whatever! Ya, this is totes weird. Much more so than our next eliminee – Trent!"

"I object to being labeled 'generic'," Trent muttered as he got onstage.

"So, Trent, what did you think about the love triangle?" Dwayne asked.

"Duncan doesn't deserve Gwen," Trent replied. "I don't know who he _does_ deserve, but certainly not her. And Courtney should've been told he was dumping her explicitly."

"There was another relationship that formed at the same time that one broke," Kelly said. "What do you think of Cody and Sammy?"

"I approve wholeheartedly. Sammy's perfect for him. And I'm glad Sierra finally decided to move on, too. Can we get a clip of that please?"

 _Sierra sighed. "I'm just...more upset with me, frankly. I've been such a stalker and a creep, and you never deserved any of that. Sammy...she's better for you than I am. I just...want you to be happy."_

"And who SHOULD Sierra be paired with?" Gerry wanted to know.

"Topher, probably."

* * *

 **Confessional – Don.**

"I'm not sure if my son's ready for a girlfriend just yet," Don said. "But I'm glad he's dropped his hero worship of Chris." Under his breath he muttered, "Just like I did, as a matter of fact."  


* * *

"And speaking of pairings, here comes the first supporter of what's proving to be like, the alpha couple of this show – Kitty!" As Trent left the stage, Kitty took his place.

"You're labeled a cell phone addict, but you never used your phone in the show," Dwayne commented.

"I wasn't allowed to bring it. Same as everyone else."

 _"I could use some motivational music right about now!" Eva panted. "Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to bring my oPod or my phone onto the island."_

"Which is a serious safety violation, by the way," Mary added.

"Dwayne, you forgot to ask the most important question for Kitty!" Kelly admonished.

"...I did?"

"Yes! Your son likes her! Kitty, do _you_ like Dwayne Jr. as more than a friend?"

Kitty looked into the audience. "I swear, the lustblossoms made me do it!" Junior said hastily.

"Well, you and I _do_ have compatible personalities, so I suppose it _could_ work. Is Saturday good for you?"

"Yes!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Junior.**

"I have a girlfriend!" he whooped.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Kitty.**

"I have a boyfriend!" Kitty took a selfie, then her expression changed. "Emma's not gonna be happy when she finds out, is she?"  


* * *

"Seriously, THAT'S your most important question?" Gerry grumbled. "Kitty, do you think your sister's going off the deep end?"

Kitty sighed. "A bit. She was a little protective over Jake because she genuinely wanted him to be safe. After how he treated her, though, she's afraid that Noah won't like her anymore. But it's good that Noah's realized this and is prepared to talk to her when the time is right." She left the stage.

"Speaking of relationships, although she's a lot more interesting than just that – Gwen!"

Gwen came onstage. "Hey," she said to the judges.

"Gwen, if the list of people on this show was chosen by you and not someone else, but there were still eighty-four people in total, what would be different?" Dwayne asked.

"Heather, Taylor, Jacques and Josee, Lightning, Sugar, and Amy wouldn't be on it, that's for sure," Gwen replied quickly and thoughtfully. "I'd definitely choose some of my friends who didn't get to come, we could have a little goth alliance going on. Don't know who else though."

"Is your hair naturally teal?" Kelly asked.

"No, I'm actually a redhead underneath the dye."

"And Gwen, you really seem to hate Chris. Why is that?" Gerry finished.

"Isn't it obvious? Because he's a shallow, abusive, and self-absorbed nincompoop who's only doing this to hog the spotlight again! I _hate_ people like him."

"We figured," Gerry replied. "We just wanted to get that on record since Blaineley's not around to get us in trouble."

"Fair point. Though we seriously SHOULDN'T have to fear her." Gwen left the stage.

"Wiser words were never said in this auditorium," Staci agreed. "At least, not yet. Perhaps we'll get something profound from our next eliminee – Dave!" Dave nervously came onstage.

"Hi sport!" Dwayne smiled. "How are you?"

"Reasonably good. Though some of the Athletes have been jeering at me for hooking up with Sky."

" _They_ should be the ones getting jeered at," Dakota snapped. "They apparently _knew_ Keith was cheating on her and they didn't do anything about it!"

"Eesh," Kelly winced. "I've been down that road before. Anyway, Dave, which of the foods in the challenge you were eliminated in would you eat?"

"Not the Sharks' closet mushrooms, that's for sure," Dave said, making a face. "And the mutant salad might give me stomach cancer if I ate it. The ribs and the pizza cake though, they looked reasonably decent."

"I know, it's a shame Chris ate them and we got left with the scraps dumped into Chef's slop," Phil agreed.

"And if there was any other challenge you would do again, which would it be?" Gerry asked.

"I don't know...they were all really terrible."

"Words to live by," Brady agreed. Dave left the stage.

"And now, someone who's gone through perhaps the most changes of all – Courtney!"

Courtney timidly got onstage. "Staci, I am SO sorry I wanted you gone first," she apologized.

"Don't worry, I like, get it now," Staci replied calmly.

"Speaking of, why _did_ you make that list anyway?" Dwayne asked.

"Because I was seeing it as a pure competition. But the longer I was there, the more I learned that it was more than that. Chris and Blaineley may have intended it otherwise, and in fact I'm pretty sure they _did_ , but we were united against a common enemy: them. These stupid boundaries have only been holding us back. The day when the jock and the joke are of equal standing is coming sooner than they expect it to, and I will be glad when it does. Though I'll admit I should've been more thorough in disposing of that thing."

* * *

 **Confessional – Gwen.**

"Wow, she HAS grown up," Gwen noted. "Huh, maybe I should've asked _her_ out instead of Duncan! I mean, I _have_ known I'm bi since I was a little kid..." She nodded in thought. "Give her a little time to settle back in this dump of a school, and I could really live a life with that girl."  


* * *

"Next up, are you on the spectrum or not?" Kelly asked.

"We don't know yet. But by watching the show my parents realized they've been too hard on me and are easing up. Someone's coming next week to test me and we'll know for certain sometime after that."

"You'll still be our friend," Beth said. Courtney looked touched by that.

"And lastly, what do you think is going to happen now that Mal's unleashed?" Gerry asked.

"I don't know. But I don't think it'll be good."

"Me either," Staci said gravely. "But let's focus on other things. What kinds of other things? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Total Trivia: Which of the following contestants is NOT an only child?  
_

 _A. Cody  
_

 _B. Zoey  
_

 _C. Chet_

 _D. Brody_

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

 _Total Trivia: The correct answer is Brody. He has a sister a year and a half older than he is. Cody and Zoey are both only children. And remember that Chet and Lorenzo are step-siblings and are not closely biologically related; both boys were the only children born to their respective biological parents.  
_

* * *

"And we're back," Staci announced. "Here in Aftermath, our eliminated contestants are going to compete in challenges themselves. The team with the most points at the end will get to send one of the teams in the next episode of the show an advantage." She looked around. "Oh, I guess I'm doing this too. Dwayne, take over for me."

"Oh! Uh...okay then!" Dwayne fumbled with his cue cards and then waved to the camera. "We're going to break up into two teams, the Screaming Gophers and the Killer Bass! Everyone who was a former member of those two teams, move into them!" They did so. "Now, some of you never got that far. So Staci, Dakota, Leonard, Phil, and Chet, you're with the Gophers, and everyone else, you're with the Bass!"

* * *

 **Screaming Gophers:** **Lorenzo, Max, Gwen, Trent, Rodney, Beth, Brady, Scott, Junior, Anne Maria, Lauren, Staci, Dakota, Leonard, Phil, and Chet.  
**

 **Killer Bass: Courtney, Zeke, Katie, Mary, Kitty, Mickey, Dave, Jazz, Brody, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Ellody, Spud, and Rock.**

* * *

"Okay, uh..." Dwayne dropped the cue cards. The kids laughed. "D'oh!" He picked them up again and read off of one. "For our first challenge, all of you must fit inside a mock Trojan Horse!"

* * *

Scene change to the gym. With Max's improved teleporter, the move was much faster. Everyone tried to pile in, but the Killer Bass, having more members still in the game, won. "Bass get the first point! Next!

* * *

"Now, for part two, one person from each team must get under this limbo! Whoever finishes first gets the point!"

Lauren and Mickey, due to their short statures and thin physiques, opted to do it. However, Mickey fell on his back when he bent over that far, and failed to get up in time.

"Lauren completes the limbo first, therefore the Gophers get the second point, tying up the score! Next!

* * *

"Third in line, hamster racing! We borrowed two hamsters from Muskoka Elementary and whichever one reaches the finish line first wins!"

Both had Roborovski hamsters. The Gophers' was brown with red eyes, while the Bass' was blackish-gray with black eyes. They were in a little racetrack made of cardboard, and the Gophers' found the end first.

"How cute!" Dwayne said. "Gophers get the point. Next!

* * *

"For our fourth challenge, we have a statement. Only the hosts know whether or not it's true. You guys have to figure that out. Gerry?"

"Shakespeare coined the word 'puke'," Gerry said flatly. "A substance I'm _sure_ you're very familiar with."

The kids whispered amongst each other before Scott stood up. "We're sayin' yes," he said.

"So are we, eh!" Zeke agreed.

"Oh, I'm sorry! That's wrong," Dwayne apologized. "That word was around at least a hundred years before him. Neither of you get the point. Next!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Chet.**

"Well, it's like Cody said," Chet said. The corresponding clip rolled after the confessional:

* * *

 _"But hey, you learn something new anyway."_

* * *

"Up fifth, we've got a cooking challenge. In one minute, you must make a piece of toast using a Bunsen burner and whichever piece Kelly likes more will get their team the point."

"What is WITH these challenges?" Trent sighed, shaking his head. Still, he valiantly held the piece of bread over the burner while Max turned it on. After a minute, he tossed it to Kelly, who took a bite. Tammy did the same.

"I like the Bass' better," Kelly said.

"So we're all tied up!" Dwayne said. "Next!"

"What about the Trial by Lustblossom?" Kitty asked nervously.

"Given the chaos regarding relationships recently, we felt its inclusion would be inappropriate," Dwayne explained. The kids accepted that, nodding thoughtfully.

* * *

"And now, the final event! We have here two fifteen-inch-gauge models of real locomotives. On our left, a BNSF EMD SD70AC, representing the Gophers. On our right, a CSX GE B36-7, representing the Bass. One person from each team will get on top of it and another will drive it using a remote-control. Whoever manages to move five cars into the golden siding first wins!"

"THIS is what the show's budget is being used for?" Junior muttered.

"It would appear so," Lorenzo sighed, getting on his. "Chet?"

"Gotcha, dude!" He took up the remote. On the Bass side, Katie got on and Brody took the remote.

"Begin!" Kelly announced, playing an airhorn app that was so loud it blew Gerry's headband off.

It was chaotic. But throughout all the action I'm too lazy to write, the Screaming Gophers won.

"YEAH!" Chet and Lorenzo high-fived.

"Good game!" Brody complimented.

"Their advantage? A guide to how to play a guitar!" Dwayne said. "Back to you, Staci!"

"Alright! Let's look at some of Total Drama's Funniest Moments!" She snickered. "Now with more Chris!"

* * *

"Amy does not know how to defend against fresh fruit!"

 _A 16-ton weight fell from the ceiling, crushing gorgon!Amy under it._

"Geisha massage THIS ain't."

 _Sam landed on top of Harold.  
_

"We wish we knew, Owen. We wish we knew."

 _Owen talking about evil popcorn as he turned the bag Alejandro had left behind around so he could look at the ingredients list._

"When she smiles, it's precious. When an evil host gets kicked in the kiwis, it's HILARIOUS!"

 _Crimson kicked Chris directly in the kiwis. As he crumpled to the floor, Crimson had to laugh, a goofy grin plastered across her face._

"Surprise Eva!"

 _Diesel!Eva grabbed Tom and dragged him away as quickly as she came._

"How does a girl who's like, only a 27B have that much stuff in there?"

 _Izzy rummaged through her cleavage, pulling out various items, among them a pack of ballpoint pens, a neon sign, and an anchor._

"Oh how the mighty fall."

 _Lightning being disappointed that the lightning round wasn't about him._

"Tackiness, thy name is Chris McLean."

 _Chris broke out a pair of Trongs._

* * *

"And now, for our final part of the Aftermath, we will have you guys root for someone still in the game," Staci said to the most-recently eliminated contestants. "At the end of the show, we'll tally the votes, and whoever has the most supporters will receive a prize. I don't know what it is because I'm one of you guys. As for the person who gets the most votes against them by the end of the show, they will get a punishment. I also don't know what it is, but since Blaineley's making it it's bound to be bad. Go to the confessionals and vote now."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Katie.**

"Sadie gets my vote! I'm so proud of how you did last challenge, baby!" She blew a kiss to the camera.  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Trent.  
**

"Harold, since the other Drama Brothers have supporters already."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Kitty.**

"Emma, of course!" She frowned. "Stay strong, sis, and let Noah help you!"

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Gwen.**

"Sammy needs some more friends, and I'm going to help her."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Dave.**

"Sky. I figure this is enough space for now."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Courtney.**

"Emma's like me but more mature. I can respect that."  


* * *

"And that's the end of that," Staci said. "Tune in after Challenge 36 for the sixth Aftermath."

The bell rang.

"And that's the end of lunch. Now let's all check out the Gemmys tonight at nine!"

* * *

 **Votes against:**

 **Owen – 3**

 **Dakota – 7 (Eliminated 7th by immunity idol)**

 **B – 1**

 **Noah – 8**

 **Cody – 1  
**

 **Ella – 3**

 **Izzy – 2**

 **Emma – 1**

 **Kitty – 6 (Eliminated 27th by rigged tiebreaker)  
**

 **Junior – 12 (Eliminated 17th)**

 **Sierra – 5  
**

 **Topher – 0**

 **Beth – 6 (Eliminated 19th)**

 **Brady – 8 (Eliminated 23rd)**

 **Justin – 0**

 **Katie – 6 (Eliminated 25th)  
**

 **Sadie – 0**

 **Lorenzo – 5 (Eliminated 24th by tiebreaker)**

 **Mary – 8 (Eliminated 16th)**

 **Brick – 0**

 **Ennui – 5**

 **Crimson – 2**

 **Scott – 35 (Eliminated 21st)**

 **Phil – 2 (Eliminated 8th by rigged votes)**

 **Heather – 30  
**

 **Lindsay – 2**

 **Taylor – 8**

 **Alejandro – 30  
**

 **Devin – 3**

 **Carrie – 0**

 **Ryan – 0**

 **Stephanie – 0**

 **Miles – 1**

 **Laurie – 0**

 **Anne Maria – 12 (Eliminated 12th)**

 **Lauren – 4 (Eliminated 22nd)**

 **Cameron – 0**

 **Mike – 0**

 **Eva – 2**

 **DJ – 2  
**

 **Sam – 0**

 **Scarlett – 2**

 **Max – 7 (Eliminated 15th)**

 **Rodney – 11 (Eliminated 11th by rigged tiebreaker)**

 **Zeke – 8 (Eliminated 18th by rigged tiebreaker)**

 **Sugar – 49**

 **Sanders – 0**

 **MacArthur – 0**

 **Zoey – 1**

 **Gwen – 14 (Eliminated 28th)  
**

 **Leshawna – 0**

 **Jazz – 1 (Eliminated 14th by rigged votes)**

 **Trent – 12 (Eliminated 26th)  
**

 **Harold – 2**

 **Ellody – 15 (Eliminated 9th)**

 **Chet – 11 (Eliminated 6th)**

 **Leonard – 13 (Eliminated 2nd)**

 **Tammy – 14 (Eliminated 3rd)**

 **Dawn – 0**

 **Leshaniqua – 5 (Eliminated 4th)**

 **Shawn – 0**

 **Lightning – 19**

 **Jo – 10  
**

 **Amy – 32  
**

 **Sammy – 2  
**

 **Jasmine – 0**

 **Sky – 5  
**

 **Mickey – 3 (Eliminated 13th)**

 **Jay – 1**

 **Tom – 0  
**

 **Jen – 0**

 **Dave – 4 (Eliminated 29th)  
**

 **Geoff – 0**

 **Bridgette – 0**

 **Courtney – 13 (Eliminated 30th)  
**

 **Duncan – 16**

 **Tyler – 0**

 **Rock – 7 (Eliminated 10th)**

 **Spud – 8 (Eliminated 5th)**

 **Staci – 6 (Eliminated 1st)**

 **Beardo – 0**

 **Jacques – 11  
**

 **Josee – 27**

 **Brody – 6 (Eliminated 20th)**

 **Votes for Winner:**

 **Owen – None**

 **Dakota – N/A**

 **B – None**

 **Noah – Zeke (1)**

 **Cody – Rodney (1)**

 **Ella – Leonard, Tammy (2)**

 **Izzy – None**

 **Emma – Kitty, Courtney (2)  
**

 **Kitty – N/A**

 **Junior – N/A**

 **Sierra – None**

 **Topher – None**

 **Beth – N/A**

 **Brady – N/A**

 **Justin – Lauren (1)**

 **Katie – N/A**

 **Sadie – Dakota, Katie (2)**

 **Lorenzo – Mary (1)**

 **Mary – Ellody (1)**

 **Brick – None**

 **Ennui – Lorenzo (1)**

 **Crimson – None**

 **Scott – N/A**

 **Phil – N/A**

 **Heather – None**

 **Lindsay – Beth (1)**

 **Taylor – Anne Maria (1)**

 **Alejandro – None**

 **Devin – Junior (1)**

 **Carrie – None**

 **Ryan – None**

 **Stephanie – None**

 **Miles – None**

 **Laurie – None**

 **Anne Maria – N/A**

 **Lauren – N/A**

 **Cameron – None**

 **Mike – None**

 **Eva – None**

 **DJ – Brady (1)**

 **Sam – None**

 **Scarlett – Max (1)**

 **Max – N/A**

 **Rodney – N/A**

 **Zeke – N/A**

 **Sugar – None**

 **Sanders – None**

 **MacArthur – None**

 **Zoey – None**

 **Gwen – N/A**

 **Leshawna – Leshaniqua, Jazz (2)**

 **Jazz – N/A**

 **Trent – N/A**

 **Harold – Trent (1)  
**

 **Ellody – Chet (1)**

 **Chet – N/A**

 **Leonard – N/A**

 **Tammy – N/A**

 **Dawn – None**

 **Leshaniqua – N/A**

 **Shawn – None**

 **Lightning – None**

 **Jo – None**

 **Amy – None**

 **Sammy – Gwen (1)  
**

 **Jasmine – None**

 **Sky – Dave (1)  
**

 **Mickey – N/A**

 **Jay – Mickey (1)**

 **Tom – N/A**

 **Jen – Tom (1)  
**

 **Dave – N/A**

 **Geoff – Brody (1)**

 **Bridgette – Staci (1)**

 **Courtney – Scott (1)**

 **Duncan – None**

 **Tyler – Phil (1)**

 **Rock – Spud (1)**

 **Spud – N/A**

 **Staci – N/A**

 **Beardo – None**

 **Jacques – None**

 **Josee – None**

 **Brody – Rock (1)**

* * *

 **After the Aftermath:**

"...and now, the winner for Best Cast in a New Show – Total Drama!" On the TV, Gwen, her mother, and her younger brother Ed watched Chris saunter up to the podium and shoo away the announcement lady. Blaineley clapped for him enthusiastically.

"Thank you! You're too kind!" Chris beamed. Many households watched his speech.

* * *

"Y'know, I was dropped by my old network when I couldn't pull in the ratings like I used to."

"And for good reason!" Phil snapped.

* * *

"But now, I've been given a chance to shine again!"

"SO not cool," Rock said to Spud, who nodded in agreement.

* * *

"How long is this gonna TAKE?!" Jazz groaned.

"Too long," Leshaniqua replied dryly.

* * *

Back on the island, the remaining fifty-four kids glared at the screen on the tiny TV. "...and to sum it up, this show is only possible because of me and Blaineley!"

And around Canada, the eighty-four kids who he'd made suffer had only two words to say in response:

"BULL [S WORD]!"


	41. 2-10: Rock 'n Rule

**Review time!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! One of the perks of me being a member of a cathemeral (sleeping at random intervals throughout the day as opposed to all at once) species is that I can be fully awake at midnight no problem. Staci hosted it in Blaineley's place because she's the first contestant eliminated, and I'm glad you like her development. Aftermaths VI and VII will take us even closer to the revelation of who exactly fought Chris way back when. I've read Finding One's Self, wish it updated more often; I'll go check the others you mentioned too. And yes, Suckers Punched IS going to be adapted in Season Three and Emma WILL be fighting Jake! Oh, and thanks for the update! Yeah, totally an Izzy move right there XD .**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! Writing action scenes without dialogue is extremely tedious, so I don't bother with describing everything happening in them.**

 **Knight: Stick around and you'll be pleasantly surprised.  
**

* * *

 _Saturday, December 9, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we tooted our own horns and blew our own whistles! [Eva abducting Tom] Three [Duncan talking to Owen] train [Sammy leering at Amy] teams [Tyler falling apart] and one mole [Sadie sneaking away] battled for the right to take me to the station! [Chris getting into the car] There were many clever plans [Sam jumping Tom] and many underhanded moves! [Previously unseen footage of Sugar throwing Heather into the power generator for the catenary lines, dooming the Enforcing Electrics to immobility] Samey and Amy finally put aside their differences and worked together to win it for the Devious Diesels! [Prescott twins snatching Chris' car] The Enforcing Electrics got in second thanks to a cool design! [The car checkerboard] And the Super Steamers lost it. Thanks to the revival of Mike's evil side [Mal's return], Courtney got the boot because of her old elimination chart. [Courtney's elimination] Yeah, _probably_ should've lit that on fire back in September, eh, Court?"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "I'm back from the Gemmys to bring you some more fun! Fifty-four contestants remain. Who's going to drum up the drama and who'll become a flop? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Devious Diesels_

"Still can't get over how much more awesome the food is here," Justin noted. His team had, of course, gotten the good cabin.

"I know, cinnamon buns are awesome!" Cody agreed, biting off a piece of the spiral.

"Like _my_ cinnamon buns?" Noah asked wryly.

"Only Emma thinks so," the Slick Geek laughed.

"Is that how you eat cinnamon buns?" Justin asked.

"It's the best way!" Cody replied. "Bite off the beginning of the spiral on the outside and work your way to the delicious gooey center!" He continued eating. "Wish they were less messy though," he said through his full cheeks.

"There you are!" Emma sat herself down with the boys. Noah made a mental note in his mind to talk to her soon. He was putting it off for far too long.

* * *

 _Super Steamers_

"This stuff is NOT awesome," Geoff frowned at his glop.

"Take it or leave it," Chef deadpanned.

"Well, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so I'll take it." But as Geoff left, he muttered, "How'd he even _get_ a hair in this? He's bald!"

"Ever heard of eyebrows?" Ennui asked monotonously.

* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.**

"Right, I forgot eyebrows and eyelashes exist. Hey, I think that's what hair SpongeBob said he was getting cut! Wow, that's a _lot_ more PG than everyone thinks it is!"

"HOW DO YOU FORGET THAT EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES EXIST?!" Miles exclaimed from outside the confessional. The door swung open and Geoff saw her face.

"I just do." He paused. "I think the door is broken."

"Looks like it."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Hello everyone! Miss me?" Chris asked the teens at the campfire.

"Uh, no! Why would you _think_ we did?" MacArthur asked.

"Because Chris is a moron?" Heather snarked.

"Ha ha ha, that's so funny I forgot how to laugh. Well at least _I'm_ not the one whose alliance is no longer existent." While Heather spluttered incoherently, Chris smiled. "Anyway, we're going to do some very fun challenges today in the theater. So break into the Screaming Gophers and Killer Bass!" They did so. "Do you guys like music?"

"Depends on what the music is," Ryan said.

"In that case, I hope you like rock! Today we're going to do the things that rockstars do. First, you need to play part of a piece of music of my choosing. The Screaming Gophers won in the Aftermath, so you guys get a book on how to play the guitar!"

"Uh...I already _know_ how to play the guitar?" Cody asked.

"Then help your team, duh!" He tsked under his breath. "When that's done, you must avoid the paparazzi! You will walk the red carpet without being hit in the face or other extremities with cardboard cutouts. After that, you will trash an old trailer I considered housing you guys in before I got the cabins! Oh, and since we're short on time, only part of each team can do each thing. Good luck!"

* * *

 **Screaming Gophers: Heather, Sugar, Jo, Izzy, Scarlett, Tom,** **Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Ryan, Miles, Laurie, Devin, Emma, Sammy, Cody, Lindsay, Owen, Leshawna, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Jasmine, Sky, Zoey, and Justin.  
**

 **Killer Bass: Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Eva, Geoff, Harold, Sadie, Tyler, Taylor, Dawn, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, B, Ennui, Crimson, Stephanie, Amy, Cameron, Jay, Shawn, Sam, Ella, Beardo, Lightning, Mal, and Topher.**

* * *

 _Screaming Gophers_

"Obviously Cody and Justin are going to be doing the guitar part for us," Sky said. "And we've got a little help from the book, so that'll make it easier."

"Seeing that there are twenty-six of us, I think it would be best if we split into three groups, one of eight and two of nine," Alejandro said. "We may want to alternate them so we get more points when playing the piece. The more the merrier, after all. And I do believe _I_ should also participate in _haciendo la musica_."

"Okay, so now we just need _six_ people for that bit."

"Ah can do it!" Sugar said, flailing her pudgy hand.

"Wouldn't you be better at...trashing the trailer?" Tom asked.

Sugar's eyes lit up. "Yeah! I'd love to show that no-good hunka junk what for! RAAAAH!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Tom.**

"See, I think I've figured Sugar out completely. Distract her with something else that she'd be better at, and she won't mess up something important." He sighed. "She'd suck at the avoiding-the-paparazzi part, that's for sure."  


* * *

 _Killer Bass_

"I'm gonna do the guitar bit, because I don't feel right hurting a brother," DJ said. "Even IF they're made of cardboard."

"Me too," Bridgette agreed. "Harold, since you're the only one of us with any musical experience, you're going to have to teach us."

"Sweet! Master Steve's Music Camp prepared me for such a scenario!" Harold beamed. "Anyone else want in?"

"Since there's twenty-eight of us, we should have two groups of nine and one group of ten," Cameron said. "Now who to go where..."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Okay everyone, it's high noon, and you know what that means!"

"Time to mock the Pharmmetra shippers?" Topher asked.

"...what?" Chris asked extremely confused. "And aren't you supposed to be on _my_ side, mini-me? Anyway, first round is up! You must play our theme song PERFECTLY or your team won't get the advantage for the second part!"

* * *

"Screaming Gophers, you're up!"

Scarlett, Alejandro, Justin, Cody, Zoey, Leshawna, Sammy, Devin, and Jacques had opted to do this bit. With a nod from Justin, the nine of them began playing the theme song's instrumental.

Once they were done, Chris looked at his phone, which had an app that evaluated musical quality. "Not bad at all! Ninety-six percent perfect! Killer Bass, it's your turn now!"

* * *

For the Killer Bass, Harold, DJ, Bridgette, Dawn, Carrie, Ennui, Crimson, Ella, Jay, and Sam were on this part. They played as well, however their timing was noticeably more off and not all the notes were hit correctly. When their jam session ended, Chris shook his head. "Eighty-five percent perfect. You don't get the advantage, which is...more obvious trigger buttons for the paparazzi!"

"Hey, eighty-five percent is pretty good for your first time playing!" Jay said indignantly.

"Most true," Dawn agreed.

"Trigger buttons? I don't believe you mentioned those," Sam said.

"It would've spoiled the surprise!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Carrie.**

"I'll take a spoiled surprise over losing my life any time," she said flatly. "Even IF they aren't the life-threatening kind, I still want to be prepared."

* * *

"Yes, the paparazzi are summoned by buttons hidden underneath the carpet. The fewer of them that you summon, the more points you will get. To make the buttons more obvious, we're gonna spray-paint them silver. That is, AFTER the Killer Bass have their go!" Chris turned to the camera. "So how WILL it go? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "We've gone onto part two of today's challenge! So let's get it started!" He pulled out a boombox and started playing "Paparazzi" on it.

* * *

 _Killer Bass_

"Way to set the mood, Chris," Duncan snarked. He, along with Shawn, Tyler, Beardo, Sanders, Stephanie, "Mike", Topher, and Amy tread along the carpet carefully.

"I dunno, I kinda like this song!" Tyler sang along to it. "I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love mE!" He stepped on a button and a cardboard cutout whipped out and whapped him on the butt.

"That crazy song is more in line for a psycho like Sierra," Amy grumbled. Then she stepped on a button and a cutout of Justin Bieber popped out. She screamed and decked it so hard its head was broken off.

"Luckily, _I_ have crazy zombie-dodging skills," Shawn said, expertly avoiding the buttons.

"How are you doing that?" "Mike" asked.

"There are tiny little bumps under the carpet where the buttons are." He pointed to the ground and they watched Topher step on an almost unnoticeable lump that triggered the emergence of a Celine Dion cutout. Duncan shrieked and ran to the end, triggering several more paparazzi.

Mal considered this and came up with a devious plan.

* * *

"Okay, seventeen out of thirty cutouts were triggered. Screaming Gophers, there's a pretty good chance that you'll do better. Paint it up!"

Dudley and a short, pudgy, glasses-wearing intern named Simon complied, spray-painting silver spots onto the carpet according to where their diagram said the trigger buttons, which were turned off at the moment, were. After they were done, Chris turned them back on again, then began playing the song once more.

* * *

For this part, Tom, Noah, Emma, Miles, Laurie, Sky, Jasmine, and Lindsay had decided to do it.

"This is gonna be so much easier!" Tom said confidently. He avoided a spot. "See?" But then he pressed on one, which wasn't where the and a cutout popped out. "Aw, nuts!" He tried to avoid another spot, but the same thing happened. And _kept_ happening. "AUGH!"

The cutouts were closing in. Noah got jumpscared by a cutout of Seth Rogen. "Woah!"

"GET [F WORD]ED, DRUG ADDICT!" Emma roared, tackling it and punching it.

"Emma, calm down! It's not a big deal!"

Emma realized what she was doing and stopped. "Oh. What came over me?"

"I don't know, but I think we need to talk. You don't seem to be in the right state of mind right now. Sure, Hot Dog Palooza was a weird movie and encouraged use of illegal and toxic substances, but you didn't need to overreact to Sam's basis."

"Noah, I can assure you, except for right now, I am FINE!" And she marched off. Noah looked concerned.

Then he saw a cutout of Drake and bopped it in the nose. "Heh. I always wanted to do that."

* * *

"Twenty-six out of thirty cutouts triggered. You guys sucked _hard_ ," Chris said, clicking his tongue in disappointment.

"No, TOM sucked hard," Jacques growled.

"If that's a play at my assumed sexuality, then you're wrong." Tom groaned. "Why does everyone think I'm gay?!"

"Because some people are stuck in the past," Crimson said monotonously.

"Chris, what the heck? I thought you were doin' this right!" Chef grunted.

"I did! This wasn't me this time."

* * *

 _A bit earlier, while the cutouts were being cleaned up, Mal snuck under the carpet and rearranged the trigger buttons. He snuck away and laughed maniacally._

* * *

 _Mike's Mind_

Mike sighed sadly in the deep pit in his brain where Mal had imprisoned him. "This is bad...Mal's back and I'm gonna take the fall for it." He hit his head against the brainwall. "Think, Mike, think! What would your friends do in this situation?"

Suddenly, a tiny copy of Owen, albeit colored in Mike's palette, appeared and ate the chains holding Mike, then disappeared. "All right! Now, what would Jasmine do?" A copy of Jasmine appeared above the crevice and snaked her hand down into it. Mike grabbed it and let it pull him out, before it disappeared.

Mike grinned. "Now to find the others!" And quickly and quietly, he snuck off.

* * *

"Well, whatever happened, it did, so the Killer Bass get the advantage! Their thing? Sledgehammers!" Chris, in the real world, pointed to a crate full of sledgehammers. "Those of you who haven't gone yet, get into your trailers and [f word] it UP! Whoever does it more in five minutes wins!"

Two trailers, each eighty feet long and fifteen feet wide, were rolled up to where the kids were standing. "Those look so cool! I could totally live in one of those," Owen gushed excitedly.

"You by yourself, yes. But a team of thirty-six?" Ryan asked skeptically.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Guess we should be glad we got the cabins, huh?"

* * *

 _Screaming Gophers_

Of the team, only Heather, Sugar, Jo, Izzy, Josee, Ryan, Owen, Sierra, and Jen hadn't gone yet, leaving them on wrecker duty.

"Take that!" Sierra exclaimed as she pitched a ceramic mug at the trailer's wall, only for it to bounce off and tumble onto the floor with minimal damage. "What the heck?"

"Yer not doin' it right!" Sugar grabbed the mug and then threw it straight down, causing it to crack in half. "See?"

At the back end of the trailer, Owen was tearing apart curtains. "I clogged the toilet!" Izzy announced cheerfully as she exited the bathroom. After making sure no one else was listening, she put her head on her boyfriend's shoulder. "So who should we vote for if we lose?" she whispered.

"Hm...I think maybe Heather. Now that her alliance is gone she's got less people to vote with her. And people don't like her."

"You really think I'm going to WHAT?" they heard Heather screech.

"Lickin' a doorknob's nothin'!" they heard Sugar retort.

"See?"

"Yeah, I do," Jen said as she approached.

"Hey, you're not in the alliance!" Izzy scolded.

"No, but I don't like Heather either, and I think my brother's going to get the boot if we don't act. Think about it; Heather's boyfriend-of-sorts has a powerful alliance. If Alejandro's gonna keep Heather in the game, someone else has to get the boot."

"And Al's not above convincing people to vote his way!" Owen realized.

"Uh...you sure? He seems pretty reasonable."

"He's evil under the hood, Noah said so," Izzy explained. "Miss Diva it is."

* * *

"Okay, five minutes are up!" Chris said. He opened the trailer and looked inside. "Not bad, but could be better. Killer Bass, you're up!"

* * *

 _Killer Bass_

"Sha-bam you [crunch], sha-bam you [tinkle], and sha-bam YOU!" Lightning said as he swung his hammer excitedly, breaking random things in the trailer. He, along with Eva, Geoff, Sadie, Taylor, MacArthur, Brick, B, and Cameron were the last of their team to do something in the challenge.

"Ugh..." Cameron winced, struggling to pick up his hammer.

"Ha! Wimp! Now sha-Lightning's gonna take y'all to victory!"

"We are _so_ voting him out if we lose," Eva muttered to Brick as they destroyed the kitchen sink.

"I would like him out as much as you do, dear cousin of mine," Brick replied. "But given how badly Tom did during the catwalk, the Gophers are more likely to lose."

Eva nodded. "Say, Brick, have you noticed something...off about Mike?"

"A little bit, yes," Brick admitted. "For as long as I've known him ever since I switched out of military school and transferred here sophomore year, I've only known Mike to be nervous and not confident all the time. But now? He seems a lot more sure of himself. Quieter, too. Don't rightfully know what that means."

"Mike said he's got a rogue personality, right?" MacArthur asked as she returned from puking in the fridge. "A guy who's got the best parts of all of his other selves times two. What if he's back, and he wants us out so he can get the money to screw us all over?"

"Then we're royally out of luck," Brick sighed.

"Dude, you can curse on this show, you know."

Cameron overheard the conversation and gulped. Mike had complained about a splitting headache he'd gotten from hitting his head on the ceiling of the Drama Mine during the hamster ball challenge. If his suspicions were correct, then everyone was in grave danger.

* * *

"Wow, okay, not bad! Like the creative use of vomit!" Chris complimented the Bass.

"I try," MacArthur shrugged bashfully.

"Therefore, you guys win! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Screaming Gophers, you didn't scream quite loud enough!"

"Can't you just go back to the days when you just said someone was going home?" Scarlett asked.

"Nope, not a chance!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"No, Emma, you are NOT okay," Noah grumbled. "I'll have to try again in a couple days once she's calmed down." He wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.**

"Seeing that my last interaction with Chris didn't go so well, I doubt I'll be able to change his mind." She wrote DEVIN on a piece of paper. "I am sorry, Devin, but I need to weaken Alejandro's power over him. Plus, you have been quite ignorant of Carrie's feelings for you and are reluctant to drop your horrendous partner. If I can even _call_ Shelley that."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Jo.**

"Yeah, Tom messed us up badly. It's like, maybe Chris was, y'know, _lying_ about changing the positions of the buttons?" She wrote TOM on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.  
**

"Alejandro said Tom needs to go because he could mess up a physical challenge really bad," Ryan said. He wrote TOM on a piece of paper. "I mean, he had an off day, man! Harsh."  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Close shot of twenty-six marshmallows, a mere five colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because I think drama _rocks_. And hey, the colored ones are kinda like vowels! Because there are twenty-six of them."

"We get it, get on with it!" Heather grumbled.

"White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Jo, Izzy, Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Ryan, Miles, Laurie, Emma, Sammy, Cody, Lindsay, Owen, Leshawna, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Jasmine, Sky, Zoey, and Justin." They all got up and got their marshmallows.

When they were done, Chris pointed to the blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Devin, come on up."

"Huh, when was the last time I got one of those?" Devin asked himself as he got it.

Next, Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. This time Sugar has _six_ and _Scarlett_ has the pair."

"I wonder who mine were from," Scarlett mused.

"Me, because the mad science thing makes you a threat in case of a trivia challenge," Justin explained.

"And also me for the same reason," Zoey added. "No hard feelings?"

"Of course not."

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're done. Heather. Tom."

Heather gave Alejandro a look.

"Heather, you've been mean to almost everyone here. Tom, you haven't, but you didn't do so well in today's challenge. With only a single vote less...

...

...

...

...

"Heather stays another day!"

Heather sighed, relieved. Tom groaned, and the Misfits facepalmed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.**

"Apparently, Sierra voted for Tom, and Sammy for Sugar," Cody explained. "Sierra for practical reasons, Sammy because she's sick of Sugar's crap. Man, I should've used my closeness with them to sway their votes for Heather instead."  


"I should've voted for Heather, you're right," Sammy agreed as she entered the outhouse. "We could've stuck her in a tiebreaker. And it would've been the ultimate revenge for her enabling Amy's ego if Tom won it."

An awkward pause.

"We _really_ need to get this door fixed," Cody remarked.

"Agreed."

* * *

"I'll see to it that it is," Chris said. He walked along the red carpet, the buttons finally in their proper places again. "Thirty-one down. Fifty-three remain. Who'll ride the highway to victory and who'll fail so hard they'll need a spinal tap? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Chris stepped on a button and got clocked on the head by a cutout of Justin Trudeau, who was frowning at him.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Heather – Tom  
**

 ** ** **Sugar – Tom  
******

 ** **Jo – Tom  
****

 ** ** **Izzy – Heather  
******

 ** **Scarlett – Devin  
****

 ** ** ** **Tom – Heather  
********

 ** ** ** **Alejandro – Tom  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Jacques – Tom  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Josee – Tom  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Ryan – Tom  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Miles – Sugar  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Laurie – Sugar  
********************

 **Devin – Tom  
**

 **Emma – Heather  
**

 ** ** **Sammy – Sugar  
******

 ** **Cody – Heather  
****

 ** ** ** **Lindsay – Heather  
********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Owen – Heather  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Leshawna – Sugar  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Noah – Heather************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sierra – Tom  
************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jen – Heather  
********************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jasmine – Sugar  
****************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sky – Sugar  
************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Zoey – Scarlett  
********************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Justin – Scarlett****************************************************************

 **Results: 9-8-6-2-1 Tom-Heather-Sugar-Scarlett-Devin  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (3)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"Okay, I _might_ get into a ton of trouble for this, but it's for the greater good of everyone," Simon gulped.

"Do it, buddy," Dakota said. Simon pressed a button and an old tape played:

* * *

 _About two weeks earlier_

Chris knew Gwen was going to go to the confessional after the elimination ceremony, so he quickly dissected the outhouse's lock and removed the mechanism that let it hold shut, before reassembling it. Now that the confessional couldn't lock, his plan to divert the attention to the Courtcanwen love triangle could proceed. He smiled darkly and left, tossing the mechanism in his hand.


	42. 2-11: The Am-AH-Zon Race

**Review time!**

 **AUfan62: It's called I have too many projects going on at the same time!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! There were some implications in canon that Chris broke the lock which let Duncan kiss Gwen, so I incorporated them here. I wanted to make Mal actively evil, so here he's a misanthropic troublemaker who's working his way up the ranks. It also helps that Mike has already warned everyone about Mal's existence. Mike's mental journey will be made more interesting and cooler here. Plus, the paparazzi challenge was the perfect place to make fun of celebrities that I don't like (hint: they're all the ones that got abused by the cast; this does not include Justin Trudeau, who in my eyes is a Cool Dude** **™).**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! Nemma is headed for its first real hiccup in a couple challenges. A storm is brewing, and the popular kids are the maitre d's.**

* * *

 _Tuesday, December 12, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we had no fear of the underdog! [Cameron struggling to pick up his hammer] Because they will not survive! [Tyler getting hit on the butt with a cardboard cutout] We had a rock-and-roll-themed challenge to celebrate my rise to stardom! First, we played our _awesome_ theme song! [Both teams playing the opening music] Next, we avoided cardboard copies of our biggest fans! Some...did better than others. [Split screen comparison of Shawn expertly avoiding the buttons and Tom getting surrounded by cutouts] Finally, we trashed the camp! [Sugar breaking the mug] Thanks to a little interference from a rogue personality [Mal rearranging the buttons], the Killer Bass won! And the Screaming Gophers turned on Tom [Tom's elimination] with a little help from some evil love. [previously unseen footage of Heather kissing Alejandro as thanks for keeping her in the game]"

Pan out to reveal Chris was on a plane. "Today we're doing something different. Earlier today, we broke our contestants into the three teams from the truth challenge. Why? Simple. Each eighth challenge is a Total Drama Field Trip to a location that isn't disclosed... _yet_." Chris got up from his chair and stretched open his arms widely. "Fifty-three contestants remain. Who's going to find the lost treasure and who'll get crushed by the giant round boulder of defeat? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Dastardly Deceivers_

"Alright my friends, who shall we go for next?" Alejandro asked Jacques and Josee in the back of the plane.

"I STILL can't believe you made a deal with those guys," Heather remarked. "You've got a point, though. If the four of us are going to prove ourselves better than all the rest, then we'll need to work together. So, until the Final Ten, truce?"

"Truce," Josee grumbled. "If I may be so bold, and I am, that Dawn _petite fille_ is getting on my nerves."

"Mine as well," Jacques agreed. "Plus, our plan to destabilize Emma further will work better when the counselor of the Misfits is not around to give advice."

"Then it's settled, then," Alejandro smirked. "Should we lose, Dawn shall be no more."

Unbeknownst to them, Mal was watching the whole thing.

* * *

 **Confessional – Mal.**

"People like them are the reason I exist at all," Mal remarked. "But I _need_ their help. For now, at least. The nature of Dawn's synesthesia means that it won't be long until she realizes my presence and alerts the other Misfits to take me out early. And I can't let that happen."  


* * *

 _Mike's Mind_

Mike found a guard who looked like Courtney's white blood cell form in front of some doors. "To pass, you must hear the entirety of my incredibly boring autobiography," the guard boomed, "then answer a question about a tiny detail I mentioned smack in the middle of it."

"Aw, nuts! I can't do that!" Mike said to himself.

" _I_ can!" Mike found Chester in a hole, chained up. Mike summoned a copy of Ryan who easily snapped Chester's chains.

"Hey Chester! Glad to see you aren't dead."

"Feh!" Chester scoffed, rubbing the dirt out of his good eye. "An old man who's only good for his patience wasn't much use to him. Don't know about the others, though." He walked up to the guard. "Fire away!"

The guard lowered his pseudopods. "It all began when I divided off from Father..."

* * *

"Welcome to Cuzco, Peru! Ah, Peru, the only country in South America that actually has its act together!" Chris announced to the kids in the real world.

"See? Gwen was right, you _are_ milking outdoor challenges," Sam remarked.

"Well, can you blame me? Canada gets freakin' _cold_ this time of year!" Chris replied. "Anywho, buses will be coming to take you chumps up to Machu Picchu, which is _not_ , in fact, the lost city of the Incas. Once there, you're going to have to scour the entire place to find three blue potatoes. Whichever team brings them to me first gets to move on to part two in style!"

"Blue...potatoes?" Leshawna asked, scratching her head.

"Peru is where the potato is native," Harold explained. "There are thousands of varieties that exist."

"Righty-o, Doris!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Harold.**

"WHY did the parents of my great-great-grandfather Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady I name him after _all_ of his grandparents?!" he griped.  


* * *

 **Dastardly Deceivers: Crimson, Sugar, Scarlett, Dawn, Jacques, Josee, Alejandro, Devin, Heather, Noah, Mike, Harold, Topher, Amy, B, DJ, Miles, and Shawn.**

 **Mighty Mistruths:** **Cody, Sierra, Sammy, Brick, Bridgette, Ennui, Owen, Sky, Tyler, Leshawna, Lightning, Duncan, Jo, Carrie, Jasmine, Sadie, and Zoey.**

 **Flying Falsehoods: Beardo, Cameron, Ella, Emma, Eva, Geoff, Izzy, Jay,** **Jen, Justin, Lindsay, MacArthur, Ryan, Sam, Sanders, Stephanie, Taylor, and Laurie.**

* * *

 _Flying Falsehoods_

After the buses dropped off the kids at the base of the imposing ruins, everyone looked to Ryan. "Why's everyone lookin' at me?" he asked.

"Because you're the least abnormal out of all of us," Eva explained. "That means your leadership qualities are the least questionable."

"Hey! _I_ could like, so be a good leader too!" Geoff exclaimed.

"Geoff, you forgot eyebrows existed."

"Okay, fair enough. But Ryan's not the leader of his alliance!"

"Well, I _am_ sorta the second-in-command," Ryan admitted. "Duncan doesn't like taking charge of anything and Devin's not smart enough, no offense to him."

"So what do you suggest we do?" Jay asked.

"Look for anything blue that isn't on our person, of course. Izzy, we might need flashlights since I'm pretty sure blue potatoes are almost black."

"Okay!" Izzy pulled a case of a dozen flashlights out of her cleavage.

"I am NOT touching anything that's been between a Misfit's boobs," Taylor scowled.

"I would!" Lindsay said perkily, taking the case from Izzy before struggling to open it. "Oh, wait, there's a latch." She clicked it open. "The people making these cases, like, really love to hide how to open them!"

"Actually, you're right," Eva commented, taking the first flashlight.

* * *

 **Confessional – Eva.**

"I had my reservations about Lindsay joining us initially." She shrugged and smiled at the camera. "But she's shaping up to be a really good friend."  


* * *

 _Dastardly Deceivers_

Mal spotted a tiny blue potato right off the bat. Aware that Dawn could only be eliminated that day if his team lost, he kicked it away. It bounced for some distance.

* * *

 _Mighty Mistruths_

"Sheesh, this is hard work!" Sadie panted. "And not just because I'm overweight, either! Oh, my back is _killing_ me!" She stood up and cracked it. "Ahhhhh."

"I'm with you on that," Zoey agreed. "We're gonna be here all day in this hot South American sun searching for an indigo-colored piece of root the size of a golf ball!"

Suddenly, the potato Mal kicked rolled off the nearest ruin and whacked Zoey on the back of her head. "Ow!" She turned around and saw what had hit her.

"Hey, we've got one!" Sadie said, relieved. "Ohhhh, we're not gonna lose after all!" She lumbered off to tell the rest of her team.

Zoey looked up and saw "Mike" in the distance. In the same direction the potato had come from. Her brown eyes narrowed in suspicion.

* * *

 _One hundred and one minutes later_

"And that's the last one we need!" Duncan said confidently, depositing the third spud his team had found into Chris' outstretched hand.

"Well done, Mighty Mistruths, you really lived up to your name!" Chris beamed. "Fetch everyone else, we've got to move on!"

* * *

"Are you KIDDING me?!" Emma griped. "We only managed to find one lousy potato in those ruins! We're losing this for sure."

"Calm down, Emma. It's not the end of the world," Ella said soothingly. "For all we know the Dastardly Deceivers didn't find any at all."

"I'm hoping they didn't," Emma muttered. Ella was concerned by this.

"I want to know WHO keeps on playing keepaway with our potatoes!" Amy screeched as the Dastardly Deceivers arrived.

"Couldn't find any at all?" Chris asked. "Huh. Well, they aren't important right now. Except to Chef because they're tomorrow night's dinner, so he's got to lead the interns to their locations."

"Let's hope nothin' decided to make a snack outta my Purple Majesties," Chef grunted as he left with Billy and Dudley.

"Since the Mighty Mistruths found three potatoes first, they win the advantage for part two!" Chris announced.

"Which is..." Jo said, motioning with her hand for him to continue.

"You'll see!" He turned to the camera. "Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "For part two! Everyone, I've got some jerseys for you." He pointed behind him to three racks of jerseys. The Dastardly Deceivers' were white and had their logo, a tiny white square with its face in the "Excellent" pose, on the front. The Mighty Mistruths' were black and their logo was a roaring bald guy. And the Flying Falsehoods' were light pink, their logo a birthday cake with wings.

* * *

Once everyone had their jerseys on over their t-shirts, Chris continued. "Peru is not just the homeland of potatoes and llamas. It's also the home of the Incas, and still is more or less."

"Not counting the unwanted Hispanic roomies, of course," Noah muttered, his eyes focused on the back of an oblivious Alejandro's head.

"And the sport the Incas, along with many other Latin American peoples, really liked was called tlachtli, or for those of us who can't pronounce the 'tl' sound, pok-to-pok. Basically, it's basketball and soccer mashed together."

"That sounds amazing!" Tyler exclaimed.

"It's super hard though! You have to bump a ball into a sideways hoop without using your hands, mostly by bopping the ball off the walls with your butts. All three teams, once I get you into the proper safety gear, will then go head-to-head-to-head in an epic game. Whichever team scores the most points when I call time wins! Second place will be safe from elimination. Last place sacrifices the loser!"

"So what's our advantage?" Sky asked.

"Since the Mighty Mistruths found all three potatoes, they actually get to _use_ their hands, like some local Mexican variants of pok-to-pok allowed. Said variants also gave you a billy club and this cool-looking wooden shield with a snake on it."

* * *

"Alright maggots, I'm back!" Chef said half an hour later. Everyone was suited up. "I'll be referreein' this game. I'm gonna throw the ball," he picked up one of the yellow dodgeballs from the seventh challenge, "into the middle of this three-way courtyard. Don't let it touch the ground when I throw it or I'll have to start the game all over again. Got it?"

"Yes sir!" Brick saluted.

"Why a kickball? That's not authentic," Sanders muttered.

"Because a _real_ one is hard enough to break your skull in one hit?" Cameron suggested.

"Oh, right. Nevermind."

* * *

 **Confessional – Chef.**

"Yeah, same reason from me. That, plus finding an actual six-inch ball of solid rubber was _really_ hard."  


* * *

The three teams got into position. Chef got out of the court and chucked the ball into it. In a burst of speed, Josee raced over and punted the ball into the air. "Let the game begin!" Chef boomed.

* * *

"This is ridiculous," Jo grumbled as she and Carrie ran around amidst the chaos. "Shoulder pads, knee pads, and a cheap bike helmet don't seem like enough protection for this game."

"Yeah, plus we're doing this in sandals," Carrie added. "I don't want to break a toe. And this dust is _seriously_ messing up my nails." She looked down at her feet and frowned at the rapidly-decaying state of the alternating pink and orange lacquer she'd applied the previous night.

"NOW do you see why I don't bother with makeup and that kinda girly stuff?"

"Hey, I like feeling pretty on my terms. You can have your own definition of beauty, as long as you let me have mine."

"Eh, fair enough. I like you, kid. You're not bad for a tenth grader. Who're you planning to vote out should we lose?"

"Well, since we're having such a nice conversation, not you. Lightning, probably."

Jo scoffed. "Amen to that. He's utterly useless. At least Brick _does_ stuff to help us."

"What's with you and him anyway?"

Jo shrugged. "We were closer when we were little kids but drifted apart for some reason. You can ask him if you're interested. How's Devin?"

Carrie sighed. "Still completely clueless that I like him romantically. Though I talked to him recently and he said he's considering breaking things off with Shelley because he's realizing just how absolutely _awful_ she is. Oh, hey, there's the ball!"

Harold was trying to dodge Jasmine and Owen. He found an opening to launch out the ball and took it, only for Jo to knee the ball into his team's nearby goalpost.

"Yes! First point of the game!" Jo punched the air.

* * *

"YEAUGH!" Noah gasped, rubbing the side of his chest, the one that had a scar, which was resounding a stinging pain into his left lung. "Chef, can I bench myself? My preexisting condition's existing again."

"Sure can, Snarky Boy!" Chef affirmed. Noah excused himself and went to sit on a bench. Someone else was also there.

"Hey Phil," Noah said, lifting his hand at his former competitor.

"Hey Noah. Finding those potatoes _with_ the map was _hard_. Now I see how you lost that part."

"And we may lose _this_ part, too," Noah said. "Dawn's not doing so well." They watched her struggle to get the ball into the ring, to no avail, and Duncan eventually nabbed it, whapping her on the head with his wooden shield on his way out.

B lumbered over painfully and sat down. _Pulled my back,_ he "said".

"Wait, did you just–"

 _Scarlett helped me design a wristwatch that could telepathically insert my thoughts into someone's head. We decided on something removable since a nanotech grid in my brain might be overly susceptible to magnets and kill me.  
_

"Oh," Phil said. "Huh. I thought you'd sound more like Shaq, to be honest."

 _A voice is a voice._ They continued to watch the game before B spoke once more. _Emma's playing style is...odd. It's like she wants to win, but at the same time doesn't._

"Probably because if her team wins, mine loses," Noah replied. "She's been on edge ever since Kitty got the boot too early. And then the love triangle thing's made her doubt the stability of our relationship, seeing that her last one didn't go so well. So she's getting a bit...clingy. And really freaking territorial."

"Well, as a guy in a relationship myself," Phil offered, "you _have_ to set boundaries. What is and isn't okay. Molly and I have made it clear to each other that we should go slow, but not _too_ slow."

 _Perhaps that is the problem, then,_ B said. _You're going TOO slow and your relationship is missing critical groundwork as a result. You should talk to her, and soon._

"I know, I've tried. But between being on separate teams now and that English paper we got last Thursday, I haven't had much time."

 _Then make the time. For both your sakes._ _Oh, and who do you plan to vote for?_

"Alejandro. I swear, that snake is up to something. Something _had_ to be keeping Heather in the game last time. I think he's got a finals deal with the Ice Dancers."

"He does," Phil confirmed. "They want to use Emma's emotional instability to drag the Misfit Mega-Alliance down under."

"Wow, you're an eye out of the sky! Phil, you are officially my ally now. Thanks for letting me know! As soon as I've got a plan, I'm putting it into action."

* * *

 **Confessional – Phil.**

"I might get into _huge_ trouble doing that," Phil said sternly. "But it's for the greater good of my friends."

* * *

 _Flying Falsehoods_

"I am SO glad we don't have to have feathers on top of these," Jen said. "We'd look even stupider if we did."

"And they'd impede our aerodynamics," Cameron agreed.

Beardo headbutted the ball off the wall and into the MM's goal ring, his massive hair cushioning the blow. He made a clapping noise. "Aw yeah! Third point already!"

"Dude, I _so_ envy your level of head protection," Geoff commented in admiration. He chased after the ball to try and knock it into the DD's, but kicked it too hard and it went outside the court.

Chef blew his whistle. "Stop the play! Five-minute penalty for The Cake is a Lie. Someone go get that ball!"

"Perhaps _I_ should go, seeing that Spanish is my native tongue," Alejandro volunteered.

"Okay, go do that. And hurry up!" Alejandro ran off.

"Now that he's gone, who should we vote for if we lose?" Jay asked Sam.

"Taylor, most likely, seeing that she hasn't been much benefit. She's a parasite, mooching off our hard work to stay in the game like the Flood," Sam replied. "Once she's gone, then we target Alejandro, Heather, and the Ice Dancers."

"I don't get the game reference, but that's a good idea."

* * *

Alejandro sighed. "This reminds me too much of my youth, when José was so much better at football than I. But he's not on _tele_ , now is he?"

 _"Oye, chico!"_ Alejandro heard a voice and turned around. A young man dressed in Shakespearean garb approached him, carrying the ball in his right hand. _"Esto es tuyo?"_

 _"Sí. Lo siento, mi amigo, un partida para Drama Tot_ _ál se fue de las manos. Culpo a Geoff."  
_

 _"Ah, Drama_ _Tot_ _ál. ¿Eres Alejandro Burromuerto?"_

Alejandro smirked. _"El_ _único."_

 _"Entonces, Alejandro, ten cuidado. Por tu propio bien."_ He handed over the ball. _"Ahora, si me disculpan, necesito volver a mi obra de teatro. Es Macbeth."  
_

 _"Ah, yo entiendo._ _¡Gracias!"_ Ball in hand, Alejandro left.

* * *

 **Confessional – Peruvian Thespian.**

 _"¿No hablas español?_ ¡Mejora tus escuelas! _"_

* * *

"I am back!" Alejandro announced, tossing the ball to Chef. Everyone got into position and the game resumed.

* * *

 _Twenty minutes later_

"Annnnnnnnd time!" Chris announced. Everyone stopped moving and sighed in relief. They were hot, sweaty, thirsty, and very tired. "Well, this was a very interesting game! Pity this is just a written and unillustrated fanfiction, those visuals would've looked epic!"

"In our defense, screw you!" one of the anthropomorphic green _Parksosaurus_ who made the scenery shouted from the side of the stage.

"Enough fourth wall breaks for now. Dastardly Deceivers, you scored four points. Flying Falsehoods, five-minute penalty, six points. Mighty Mistruths, nine points. The Mighty Mistruths win! Meet me in third class at eight, Dastardly Deceivers, someone's going out!"

"Hey Chris, why'd you name this episode 'The Am-AH-Zon Race'?" Miranda asked, looking through the production notes. "We're barely _in_ the Amazon rainforest."

"Because the kids had to race to find the potatoes, did they not?"

* * *

"Hey, guys?" Sammy asked before the teams got back on their planes.

"What is it?" Topher asked.

"Can you not vote for Amy tonight? I promised her I'd ask."

"Why?"

"Because...some part of me wants to hope that I can save her from herself."

"Sammy is correct," Dawn confirmed. "Amy's aura is not completely gone just yet."

"Oh, okay," Topher said. "Sugar it is then."

* * *

 **Confessional – Jacques.**

"The episode's name is more likely an artifact title from an earlier idea for a challenge that didn't get clearance from the network, and Chris was too lazy to change the name." Jacques stretched his arms before writing DAWN on a piece of paper. "I must say, this was one of my favorite challenges thus far. It's nice to play a summer sport for a change."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Crimson.**

"Mike is starting to act suspiciously, according to Zoey," Crimson said monotonously. She wrote MIKE on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Topher.**

"I don't really get all this weird aura stuff. Then again, it's not really magic and more a convenient placeholder name." He wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper and groaned. "God, I hate her."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Harold.  
**

"Hopefully no one votes for me for messing up that one time," Harold said. "Anyway, it's time someone else gets out." He wrote ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." He lifted a plate of seventeen marshmallows, the last six of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to raid the temple of drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Crimson, Scarlett, Jacques, Heather, Harold, Topher, Amy, B, DJ, Miles, and Shawn." Harold sighed in relief. "I guess Amy lucked out this time, didn't you, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it, I'm the chew toy," Amy snarked as she left with her marshmallow. "What else is new?"

Chris pointed to the three blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Noah, this is your first vote in a while. Mike, this is your first vote ever. Josee, this is yet another one against you." Mal stiffened a bit; had someone figured him out? Hopefully it was just Dawn, but if not her, then _who_?

Next, Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Sugar, once again, you've got votes. Three in a row, three votes."

"Why me?" Sugar asked.

"Because you didn't understand _literally one of the most basic games in the world?!_ " Miles asked rhetorically.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're done. Dawn. Alejandro."

Alejandro leered at Dawn, who held her ground.

"Alejandro, you're an excellent competitor and people would _kill_ to have you gone. Dawn, you're a weirdo! And people don't like weirdos. Someone's got five votes...

...

...

...

...

"And because DJ refuses to vote, that's both of you!"

Noah immediately sat up. He knew what was coming.

* * *

"Today's tiebreaker is inspired by Manitoba Smith movies! Yes, the very same ones that inspired one of Mike's alternates! You must switch the Gilded Chris with this piece of wood that weighs exactly the same as it. Don't do it fast enough, and you get pelted with a crapton of bacaba palm fruits! Begin!"

Dawn and Alejandro were faced with a statue on a pedestal. Alejandro quickly removed his, but Dawn's seemed to be heavier and she struggled to move it. As a result, she got pelted with the tiny red drupes from a launcher located beneath it.

"Oh, too bad! Dawn's out of the game!" Dawn walked up to Chris, grimaced, put one of the fruits into her mouth, and crushed it in her jaw dramatically. Chris flinched backwards.

* * *

Noah snuck over to the statues and picked them up in his hands. He knew that the Gilded Chris' were made of painted plastic, as a scratch exposing the underlying paint revealed. The genuine one was quite light. A scratch on the other one, though, revealed it was made of solid steel.

Dawn noticed him looking at it and nodded at him knowingly. "Stay cool, Dawn," Noah said.

"You too."

* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.**

DJ sighed glumly. "The one time I coulda helped someone by voting...if what Noah says about Alejandro is right, then he's no friend of mine. But...I'm scared. If I vote for him...what'll the others do to me?"

* * *

"We may never know. Or perhaps we may." Chris stood in the voting hold. "Thirty-two down. Fifty-two remain. Who'll be Amazon-ing and who'll be Amazon-ed out? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Chris walked off but felt a squish, and saw that he'd stepped on the bacaba. "Oh, great! My best brown shoes!"

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Crimson – Mike  
**

 ** ** **Sugar – Noah  
******

 ** **Scarlett – Sugar  
****

 ** ** **Dawn – Alejandro  
******

 ** **Jacques – Dawn  
****

 ** ** ** **Josee – Dawn  
********

 ** ** ** **Alejandro – Dawn  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Devin – Didn't vote  
**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Heather – Dawn  
************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Noah – Alejandro  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Mal – Dawn  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Harold – Alejandro  
********************

 **Topher – Sugar  
**

 **Amy – Josee  
**

 ** ** **B – Alejandro  
******

 ** **DJ – Didn't vote  
****

 ** ** ** **Miles – Sugar  
********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Shawn – Alejandro  
************

 **Results: 5-5-3-1-1-1 Dawn-Alejandro-Sugar-Josee-Noah-Mike  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t)****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (2)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

In Mike's mind, the guard finally finished his story. "So! Why was I mad at Jimmy Neuron?"

"Because he stole your oxygen!" Chester replied.

"Excellent! You may pass!" The guard opened the door.

"Okay Chester, now we're getting somewhere," Mike said as the two slipped through the doors.

"Yes, but is it the _correct_ somewhere?"

"Only one way to find out." They marched on.


	43. 2-12: Get a Clue

**Review time!**

 **EndeavorT: Immunity idols are a calculated risk. Use them at the wrong time and you'll probably get booted out as soon as it wears off, especially if you bump off the psycho girlfriend of another psycho.**

 **AUfan62: They will!**

 **Derick Lindsey: Thanks for catching that! It's fixed now.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! At least Dawn made it past the 1/3 mark!**

 **Polluxation: Thanks! If you've found this message, good work! Most of you humans keep forgetting that I'm not one myself. I'm surprised Dawn-J isn't a more common pairing, to be honest. Unfortunately for those of us with any sense, Nemma's creation has somehow failed to kill NoCo. I liked rewriting Staci and Lindsay into more realistic characters, and of course I appear in this, for the obvious reason that my reality is at the crux of several alternate realities. There _were_ moments _between_ episodes where characters got to interact (and thus actually develop their relationships) that this show didn't air; keep in mind that each episode is three days apart from each other and a lot can happen in those in-betweens. I liked writing "The Misfits Will Fall"; I based it off of "Ready as I'll Ever Be" from the Tangled series. I took the fan names for some of the interns and applied the concept to everybody else. In real life, Cody would've called the cops on Sierra first thing in the morning when he found out she'd been watching him sleep.  
**

* * *

 _Friday, December 15, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we Macchu'd some Picchu! [Zoey getting hit on the head with a potato] We went to Peru to scour the grounds of its most famous ruins for some offcolored spuds! [Duncan handing Chris the last potato] Finding these were important, since they gave an advantage for the next part: pok-to-pok! [Harold giving Jo the ball] But that wasn't all last time had to offer. Alejandro roped Heather into his Final Ten deal with Jacques and Josee! [The discussion] Mal, Mike's evil persona, pitched in too! [Mal kicking the potato away] Dawn was sent out in a tiebreaker [Dawn's elimination] to continue furthering their ongoing plot of destroying all Misfits!"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Fifty-two contestants remain. Who's going to uncover the key to victory and who's gonna find out their time here was a wild goose chase? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

As if on cue, the Gray Geese's mascot appeared and honked. "Dude, you're killing the moment."

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Mess Hall_

Devin, Ryan, Carrie, and Stephanie were sitting together, just like old times. "Wow, Chef's finally giving us some decent food for once!" Ryan remarked at the breakfast taco.

"Still has the brown gunk though," Stephanie replied, "but then again a taco's just brown gunk in a tortilla chip anyway."

"Hey, Devin?" Carrie asked. "Dawn was eliminated last time...did you vote for her?"

"Al wanted me to, because he didn't like how poorly she did in the game," Devin sighed. "But I couldn't bring myself to do it because she's a nice person and it didn't make sense! And then I started thinking about who I _could_ vote for, and...it hurt my head just to think about it. So I just wrote 'Ack' on my paper."

Carrie nodded. "Good thing you didn't. Alejandro's up to no good."

"What makes you say that?" Ryan inquired.

"Doesn't he seem cool?"

"Well, yeah."

" _Too_ cool, I mean. He never messes up, does he?"

Ryan and Devin looked at each other. "...Go on," Ryan said slowly.

"He's using that confidence to distract people from voting for him. Only the Misfits, the Geeks, and a couple other people here know what he's really like. We have to act quickly because another innocent person might be out next."

* * *

 _Final Ten Deal_

"So who's next?" Jacques asked.

"Izzy, without a doubt!" Heather sneered. "She's a freak of nature! If we get stuck in a physical competition she'll steamroll us over. _Literally_ _!_ With an actual steamroller! And yes, I _do_ mean the steam-powered ones, she can break the laws of nature without even blinking!"

"Then Izzy is next?" Josee asked. "Huh. One would think Owen would be a better target, seeing that he _is_ Noah's best friend."

"Yes, but we are not trying to destabilize Noah," Alejandro reminded her. "We are targeting _Emma_. Izzy's premature elimination would make the butter boy upset about not having his girlfriend around. He can bounce back, sure, but Emma will feel that initial negativity and run with it." He smirked. "And the Misfits shall be no more."

* * *

"Hey you guys!" Izzy, speaking of the she-devil, announced to the entire cafeteria. "I found this flash drive inside my taco! I'm debating over whether or not to eat it."

"Please do, then we can be rid of you for good," Josee remarked.

"No, Izzy, don't eat that!" Sanders exclaimed. "You'll get sick! Besides, we need to find out what's on it."

" _If_ we can find out what's on it," MacArthur commented. "I don't trust that brown goop."

"I can clean it," Cody offered. "Then we'll go to the computers."

As they filed out, Sierra noticed something. "Shouldn't Chris have called us for our challenge?"

"Perhaps the flash drive will tell us more," Ennui said softly and emotionlessly.

* * *

 **Confessional – Ennui.**

"If this is an attempt at breaking our usual format, I am not certain if it will work as well as Chris expects it to. But we shall just have to wait and see."  


* * *

 _Computer Area_

"First time outside the Aftermaths that we get to see this place in detail, huh?" Dakota asked Phil.

Cody presented the cleaned flash drive to Brick and the latter carefully put it into the nearest computer. There was only a single file on it, a short video named "CHALLENGE THIRTY-THREE". Brick clicked on it and the video opened before playing.

"Hello all!" Chris said in the video. "I hope you enjoyed your breakfast tacos!"

" _I_ didn't get a taco because they weren't vegan," Miles grumbled.

"I myself had a big plate of scrambled eggs. Man, they were so good I went to Cloud Nine! I could have a dozen helpings of them!" He paused, then awkwardly added in "Eighty-six!" The clip ended there.

"Cloud Nine? Isn't that in that place some people say good people go when they die?" Lindsay asked.

"Heaven? Yeah, that's the one," Sugar said. "Maybe you're not such a heathen after all. If Chris is dead, we may need to dig."

"Maybe we don't," Noah thought. "Nine, twelve, and eighty-six. Three numbers in sequence. That sounds like a combination to a safe. Dakota, Phil, round up the other interns and ask them if they know of any safes on this island. Guys, we're going back to the Mess Hall to interrogate Chef for the same purpose."

"Here are some walkie-talkies so we can stick together," Dakota said, picking up a box of them from the floor. Everyone took one.

"Okay, now let's get going," Emma decided.

"Nah, I don't feel like doing a challenge today," Duncan said. "That last one tired me out."

"Do you suppose we should eliminate you, then?" she growled.

"No...?"

Emma grabbed him by his shirt. Since Duncan himself was pretty short, bringing him down to eye level was easy. "Then get to it!" She released him and stormed off.

"Dude!" Duncan said, frightened for once, to Noah. "Curb your girlfriend!"

"I'm trying," Noah replied through gritted teeth as everyone else followed her.

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"Courtney IS right. Duncan has about zero motivation! If we're staying in this game, we have to be ready to act."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"Not that I disagree with her, but she could've been a little more tactful."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Guys, we found the safe!" Bridgette announced over the walkie-talkies. "It's in the Crafts Theater! Or is it the Drama Theater?"

"Both are correct, Chris changed the name halfway through Season One," Topher said. "We're on our way."

* * *

On the center stage was a massive safe the size of a minivan. "Leshawna, since you're the one who suggested we look in here, you can open it," Bridgette said.

"Don't mind if I do." Leshawna carefully rotated the combination lock, which had a hundred numbers on it (thankfully, otherwise turning it to eighty-six would be impossible), then opened it.

Chris flopped out of the safe, lifeless. Everyone shrieked.

"Wait a minute, that's not a real corpse!" Shawn exclaimed. "I'd know a real one anywhere because that's where zombies come from! This is a mere wax dummy!"

Jasmine picked up its hand and felt it. "He's right," she nodded. "And there's also a note in the safe." A pause.

"Well aren't you going to get it?" Amy asked impatiently.

"Claustrophobia, I can't bring myself to go inside there."

"I can do that," Shawn offered. He did so, walking in and out, note now in hand.

"Thanks, mate."

"You're welcome." He opened the note and read it:

"'Hey everybody! As you can plainly see, I am dead. Not big surprise.'" Everyone groaned at the reference before Shawn continued. "'But _how_ did I die? That's the subject of today's challenge. I want you to break into your alt. gem teams, the ones I introduced in the hamster ball challenge. You're going to sleuth it up and find out who killed me and how. Collect fingerprints from the other team's members and compare them to the ones provided at the bottom of this note. Also look for thirteen items that have also been fingerprinted, because one of those things is what killed me; you'll know which ones they are because they'll have red paint on them. The team who has a member to correctly identify my method of murder wins! The losing team will be determined by the number of incorrect accusations and lowest number of items sampled. Good luck!'"

* * *

 **Insane Iolites:** **Alejandro, Amy, B, Beardo, Brick, Bridgette, Cameron, Carrie, Cody, Crimson, and Devin.**

 **Precious Peridots:** **DJ, Duncan, Ella, Emma, Ennui, Eva, Geoff, Harold, Heather, Izzy, Jacques, Jasmine, and Jay.**

 **Terrific Topazes:** **Jen, Jo, Josee, Justin, Laurie, Leshawna, Lightning, Lindsay, MacArthur, Mike, Miles, Noah, Owen, and Ryan.  
**

 **Kooky Kunzites: Sadie, Sam, Sammy, Sanders, Scarlett, Shawn, Sierra, Sky, Stephanie, Sugar, Taylor, Topher, Tyler, and Zoey.**

* * *

 _Precious Peridots_

"This brick has red stuff on it!" Geoff called, having found the first murder weapon in the Mess Hall. He was about to pick it up when Harold swatted his hand off it.

"Idiot!" Harold snapped. "You'll taint it if you get your _own_ fingerprints on it!"

"Oh yeah."

Jasmine produced a massive pair of pincers and used them to maneuver the brick onto the table in front of them. "Alright, so how could a brick be used to kill Chris?"

"Uh, _duh_! Throw it at his head!" Izzy scoffed.

"But his skull didn't look crushed," Jay reminded her.

"Perhaps it was used as a bludgeon to snap his neck," Jacques suggested.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Duncan agreed. "Now we gotta figure out _who_. I've been in juvie, so my prints public record for the others to find."

"But that'd require a secure internet connection, which the computers don't have," Jasmine replied. "I think we'll need to set up a trap to get someone's DNA. It's too cold to dig a pit, so we might want to set up a snare net."

"Now all we need is an incentive to bring a person over that spot," Harold said. Duncan leered at him viciously. "...what?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"Hey, Doris is only good for drawing attention. So why not?"

* * *

 _Kooky Kunzites_

Scarlett pulled on a pair of blue nylon gloves and picked up a frying pan she'd found on the floor of the good cabin. "Obviously a frying pan could be used as a blunt weapon, either to cause severe cerebral trauma or for internal hemorrhaging."

"What?" Sugar asked.

"Yeah, speak English!" Taylor added.

"I _did_ ," Scarlett grimaced, facepalming.

"She's saying that the frying pan could've been used to hit him upside the head hard enough to destroy his brain, or hit him on his body hard enough to rupture an organ," Sam explained. Taylor and Sugar nodded thoughtfully.

"Or it could be scissors!" Tyler and Stephanie entered with a pair of scissors, their handles stained red. "Someone could've like, cut a major blood vessel with these!" he said.

"And since Chris was wearing his clothes, the cut would be covered up!" Stephanie added.

"Tempting, very tempting," Scarlett pondered. "His corpse _did_ look unnaturally pale even for a dead body. What about fingerprints? Did anyone get someone's?"

"Val and I want to become cops, so I've already got hers and my own," Sanders said. "I compared them to the photocopy B made for us, and neither of ours match."

* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.**

"The possibility that one of our own committed the crime should not be discounted. I'm glad that Sanders had the sense to check herself before, as they say, she wrecked herself."  


* * *

 _Insane Iolites_

"I say that Heather did it," Amy said suddenly in the VR room.

"What basis do you have for that?" Cody asked.

"Huh, I thought my probable brother-in-law would be smarter."

"Just tell us what her motivation is!" Brick sighed.

"Especially because you accused _mi amor_ ," Alejandro growled.

"Because Heather hates Chris! Plain and simple!" Amy retorted.

"But all of us hate Chris," Cameron said. "Right?"

"Yeah, but Heather talks back to him more than anyone else, right? And I've known her long enough to know how she thinks. The more she hates someone, the more vocal she gets, and the more likely she is to do something." She chuckled. "Boy, the things she used to do to Gwen should be proof enough."

Bridgette nodded. "Surprisingly well thought-out. We'll need to get something of Heather's and check it for fingerprints. But it should be something that would only have _her_ fingerprints on it."

 _So...you're suggesting we go on a panty raid?_ B asked.

Bridgette's eyes widened in realization and she blushed in embarrassment. "I...kinda did suggest that. Alejandro, you're her boyfriend, so that'll be your responsibility. You were on the same team last time, so you should know where her room is."

Alejandro sighed after the rest of their team dispersed. "You don't _actually_ think she did it, right?"

"I don't know. But we can't let our emotions affect our judgement," Bridgette replied.

* * *

"I dunno Bridge, I find it makes for excellent entertainment!" Chris, alive and well, said in his private quarters. "Will they find out how I died? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Let's see how far our guys have come in finding out how I died!"

* * *

 _Terrific Topazes_

"How could a bag of cheese puffs be used to kill someone?" Ryan asked. At Zata Clearing they'd found an unopened bag of non-name-brand cheese puffs marked with a smattering of red blotches.

"A heart attack," Laurie replied.

" _One_ bag?" he asked skeptically.

"Maybe they're radioactive?" Lindsay suggested.

"If it's from _this_ island, fair chance it could be," Noah said. "Anyone got a Geiger counter?"

"No, but I found this tooth in the snow," Justin said, pointing his hiking boot-clad foot to the object in question. It had a red index fingerprint on its top. Lightning flipped it over with a stick, revealing a thumbprint on the opposite side.

"Wait...that's a shark tooth," Miles gulped.

* * *

Deep beneath the ice on the lake surrounding the island, Fang sighed contentedly. It'd taken a while, but he'd put on enough weight from the bighead and silver Asian carps that he would be able to hibernate through the winter. The mutant fell asleep, clutching a sunken branch with his dorsal fins, which were now thicker at the tips and sported primitive thumbs...

* * *

"Well," "Mike", mused, "a shark tooth could've been used to slash his throat."

"No good," Noah replied. "There would've been a mark on the dummy's throat if it was. And try to keep the number of suggestions you make down, the more false hypotheses we make, the more points we lose. Stick to finding more murder weapons and DNA evidence."

 _I don't intend to_ _,_ Mal thought grimly, frowning at his primary's friend.

"Hey, I found a dustpan!" MacArthur shouted from somewhere else.

* * *

 _Mike's Mind_

Mike and Chester found a set of gates. In front of it were five plates, a fork and a knife next to each other in the centers of each, aligned vertically. "Looks like we'll need to do a puzzle in order to open those gates," Chester squinted.

"A very odd kind of puzzle." Mike squinted at the accompanying sign. "'To open these gates, rearrange the silverware into their proper resting etiquette.'" He looked over each. "Pause, ready for second plate, excellent, finished, and didn't like." He sighed. "Sir Cornwall Balderdash would be _perfect_ for this! Unfortunately, Mal killed him."

"I know, and he will be with us in our hearts forever," Chester said, putting his hand on Mike's left shoulder. "But buck up, kid! We can figure out another way! Don't you know someone who enjoys pointless trivia?"

Mike gasped. "Harold, of _course_!" He summoned a Harold clone. "Harold, my man, can you help us open that gate?" The clone was of course mute, but he gave Mike an okay symbol and went to work.

For the first, the duplicate angled the bases of the fork and knife until they touched opposite sides of the plate, forming a carat shape. For the second, the fork was moved to the center and the knife, blade facing the left, was put under it. For the third, they were rotated ninety degrees to the right. No change on the fourth. And the fifth and final plate's arrangement was much like the first, only the knife's blade went through the fork's central tines.

The Harold copy dissipated, and the gates swung open. "Well I'll be! He _does_ know useless stuff like outdated table manners!" Chester remarked.

"Doesn't that go for _all_ table manners though?"

"Eh, I guess. C'mon Mike, Svetlana can't be too far from here!" And off they went.

* * *

 _Insane Iolites_

Alejandro was about to go through Heather's dresser when he found something on the floor. It was a piece of rope with red paint on it. "Odd," he mused. Carefully, using a plastic bag Heather apparently had lying around, he gingerly picked up the rope and left with it.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"I do not believe Heather did it. If whoever did is automatically eliminated, then I must lead Bridgette off the paper trail...and finding a murder weapon might do that."  


* * *

 _Kooky Kunzites_

"We somehow lucked out with finding weapons," Sammy said in awe. They had found a wooden sidetable, a pair of bellows, a piece of yellow construction paper, a cat carrier with the appropriate black ball of fur in it (said cat was also a murder weapon), an empty coffee can, a wooden box with the remnants of a popped balloon in it (also both of them murder weapons), and a massive sideways piston.

"I don't even know what that thing _is_ ," Sky said, poking at the piston. "Is it a hydraulic press from those crushing videos?" It suddenly fired, causing everyone, including the cat, to jump.

"Aw, the poor thing is scared!" Zoey winced.

"It seems like an even bigger bundle of nerves than Shawn does," Topher noted. "No offense."

"None taken."

"Bundle?" Tyler thought. "Guys, do you think maybe there wasn't just _one_ murder weapon?"

"What do you mean?" Sierra asked.

"I mean that, what if they're _all_ the murder weapon?"

"Hm...that would only work if these were assembled into a Rube Goldberg machine," Scarlett mused.

"That doesn't mean it's impossible, though," Sam commented. "We'll need to look at the other murder weapons...and find some new balloons to test it with."

* * *

 _Precious Peridots_

"We have the WORST luck at finding weapons," Geoff groaned as his team ate lunch.

"Are you sure something won't turn up?" DJ asked.

"Nah man, just that there were a buncha magazines in that safe."

"Hey guys, what did you find?" Sammy asked, entering the Mess Hall.

"Just a brick. Why?"

"We might need that." She found the brick and took it away.

"She's tainting it with her fingerprints!" Geoff gasped.

"Could _she_ be the murderer?" Jay asked.

"No, Sammy's not that kinda girl," Jasmine replied. "Trust me, we've been friends for a long time."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"So WHY are we here?" Josee asked. Everyone had gathered together back at the theater.

"Because thanks to Tyler, we figured it out," Sanders beamed. "Take it away!"

Tyler cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, and other genders I don't understand, I present to you how Chris died!"

He began his reenactment with a deliberately bad impression of Chris. "Do-de-doo, look at me, I'm amazing even though I don't do jack squat! Hey, that safe has some sweet magazines in it!" Everyone laughed at this.

Tyler walked forward before carelessly bumping into the sidetable with his hips. He then stepped aside. The table fell over onto the bellows, forcing a gust of wind out. It blew the paper up onto the perch the cat carrier was on. The cat jumped out and swatted at the paper, causing the carrier to swing down from the rope. It slammed into the can, causing it to roll until it hit the wooden box. The force was enough to knock the lid off, releasing the balloon until it reached the shark tooth. It popped, startling the cat and causing it to jump onto the dustpan hard enough to launch the brick. The brick flew into the air, bounced off the bag of cheese puffs, changed trajectory with the frying pan, and slammed into the piston. The piston shot forward and slammed the safe door shut.

"AGH! NO AIR!" Tyler said, before flopping down on the ground. He lifted his head. "That's how Chris died. He was too lazy to pick up after himself."

"I _knew_ that his sloppiness would be his undoing," Chef remarked. "Ever since I first got hired for him."

"Well, not much has changed then, I suppose?" The real, living Chris entered.

"Oh, come on! He's still alive?!" Heather groaned.

"And people thought I was nuts for saying you killed him," Amy quipped. Heather leered at her. "Oops."

"Speaking of, it's time for me to figure out how well you chumps did!" Chris said. "Kooky Kunzites, you found the overwhelming majority of the weapons and, shockingly, Tyler was able to determine my correct method of death. You guys win!"

"Attaboy, Tyler!" Sierra said proudly, thumping him on his back. Lindsay ran over to him and kissed him; he was surprised but very quickly gave in. A lot of people went "awww".

"Terrific Topazes, you found three murder weapons. Insane Iolites, you only found one weapon, but came up with a reasonably sound motivation. And you dared to steal Heather's undies, too!"

"Bridgette's idea, not mine!" Alejandro said hastily.

"Therefore, both of you will be declared safe. Now. Precious Peridots. You only found one murder weapon and your few suggestions weren't really that well backed-up. You guys lose. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Precious Peridots, you just became less precious!"

* * *

As everyone left, Noah noticed a glimmer in the safe. He quickly raced in and out of it, MacArthur's immunity idol in his coat pocket. "Now how am I gonna speak to Emma?" Noah thought aloud.

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"Today has JUST NOT been my day. Bridgette and Amy could've gotten me eliminated, it wouldn't be out of character for Chris to do that. Amy's standing in Heather's Devils is _seriously_ tarnished now." She sighed, then she smiled deviously. "But hey, I might as well ruin someone _else's_ day while I'm here." She wrote IZZY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.**

"I was _gonna_ vote for Heather, but Alejandro seemed a bit mad. I don't want him to go after me, so I guess I'll go back to my usual silence." He wrote NOT TODAY on a piece of paper and sighed. "I wish Dawn were here to help me figure this stuff out."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Izzy.**

Izzy put on her glasses and temporarily became Brainzilla. "I believe I may be of risk of leaving, seeing that I came up with our first incorrect hypothesis. So I shall stand by my alliance and vote for Jacques." She wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper, then removed her glasses and became herself again.  


"See? She was gonna appear at some point!" Izzy said to the reader. "Be grateful I like fanservice!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.  
**

"Heather, you've gotta go." He wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." He lifted a plate of seventeen marshmallows, the last six of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to raid the temple of drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are DJ, Ella, Emma, Ennui, Eva, Geoff, Harold, Jasmine, and Jay.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you. No one got one today." Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Two people have two votes. Those people are Duncan and Heather."

Duncan sighed. "This is what I get for not wanting to do this dumb challenge, huh?"

"Seems so." Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you've outlasted your welcome. Jacques. Izzy."

Izzy smiled deviously at Jacques.

"Jacques, you're crafty and conniving, and that doesn't suit well with people. Izzy, you're cuckoo for cocoa puffs, that doesn't suit well with _anyone_. Today we find that...

...

...

...

...

"Izzy! You're gone with two more votes than Jacques!" Her face immediately fell into despair.

"WHAT?!" everyone exclaimed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"Oh no!" he sobbed. "I wasn't ready!" He sighed. "I knew it had to happen someday, but I was thinking it was gonna be like March or something! Izzy, I hope that when you get home, you spread what we're doing to everyone. The Misfit shall rise! And one by one, the popular people will fall."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"See?! This is exactly what I'm worried about!" She looked frantically at the camera. "If this keeps up...Noah might dump me because our relationship is making him a target!"  


* * *

"Hey, fate's cruel. Just like my death." Chris stood in the theater. "Thirty-three down. Fifty-one remain. Who'll get Holmes with the five million and who'll get tripped by the speckled band? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

The cat, angry about being scared, attacked him. Chris slipped on the bag of cheese puffs, rupturing it. The cat stopped fighting and began licking up cheese powder. Chris sighed in defeat.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **DJ – Didn't vote (VOID)  
**

 ** ** **Duncan – Izzy****** ** ** ** **(VOID)********

 ** **Ella – Didn't vote**** ** ** **(VOID)******

 ** ** **Emma – Jacques****** ** ** ** **(VOID)********

 ** **Ennui – Heather**** ** ** **(VOID)******

 ** ** ** **Eva – Jacques******** ** ** ** ** **(VOID)**********

 ** ** ** **Geoff – Heather******** ** ** ** ** **(VOID)**********

 ** ** ** ** **Harold – Duncan********** ** ** ** ** ** **(VOID)************

 ** ** ** ** ** **Heather – Izzy************ ** ** ** ** ** ** **(VOID)**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Izzy – Jacques************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(VOID)****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jacques – Izzy**************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(VOID)******************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jasmine – Duncan******************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(VOID)**********************

 **Jay – Jacques** ** **(VOID)****

 **Results: 4-3-2-2 Jacques-Izzy-Duncan-Heather (VOID)  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r)****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)  
**

 **Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (1)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"I cannot believe my luck!" Jacques said to Josee that night. "I was almost out!"

"But...the math, it does not make sense," Josee pondered. "Thirteen votes, yet only eleven of us actually voted."

It clicked. "Someone helped us," Jacques said, eyes wide. "But who could have done it?"

"Alejandro only rigs challenges, not the final votes. Heather isn't sneaky enough to pull it off; neither is Duncan. And Scott is long gone...so who?"

* * *

Outside their window, they didn't notice Mal looking in. Satisfied with his work, he turned around and vanished into the dark, snowy sky, only his mouth visible. He let out a short, ominous chuckle before his mouth disappeared too.


	44. 2-13: Bjorken Telephone

**Review time!**

 **Polluxation: Thanks! Cornwall Balderdash was one of five other personalities Mike had that Mal killed before his containment. I'll have a chapter later where Zoey learns this story from Cameron. That's how I characterize Owen in THD** **– he always looks on the bright side of life. The Emma Bomb will go off here because I'm tired of putting it off. When it comes to writing, it's definitely the reviews, since they give me a justification for keeping at this job! I don't really plan these things, I just read the wiki and get random ideas for gags and who's going next, then I do the tedious work of stringing it all together.  
**

 **EndeavorT: Because the Misfits are Mike's friends, and Mal wants them gone first because he's petty that way. That, and the Misfits are the show's largest voting block, so he needs his enemies to cut them down before he can go after them.**

 **AUfan62: Thanks! In due time.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks!**

 **KilllaKirika: She'll be appearing in other places, but she won't be returning to the show itself.**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks! Mike has no choice in the matter. Mal is the youngest of Mike's personalities here, so he devised his protection like a shell: the further deep you go, the younger the personalities, and the harder beating their respective traps becomes. Only when the last of them has been defeated can Mike do his epic battle with Mal and retake his own body. I don't watch the series, but I stumbled across the song one day and thoroughly enjoyed it.**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! Tom doesn't count as a Misfit, he's just neutral in this scheme of things. I'll try to get in touch with that author, I've been wondering what happened to it too, and I hope you find your account info too. The Prescotts are older than Cody by a lot, as they were born on September 25 (the Canadian airdate for the episode Sammy was eliminated in), 2000. Two chapters from now will be an original Christmas-themed challenge, and mistletoe will of course be involved. A few RR countries will be shown too. Speaking of...**

* * *

 _Monday, December 18, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we inspected gadgets! [Harold swatting Geoff's hand] Though Harold's footage didn't make it into the show [previously unseen footage of Harold trying to lure Owen in with a sandwich, but Owen was too distracted to notice] some other stuff did! [Emma screaming at Duncan] I pretended to be dead [the dummy falling out of the safe] and the kids had to work out how it happened. The Precious Peridots weren't able to figure it out, so Izzy got the boot [Izzy's elimination] with a little help from Mal. [Previously unseen footage of Mal replacing DJ and Ella's votes with two slips of paper, in their forged handwriting, reading IZZY] On the flipside, the Kooky Kunzites were able to correctly build the strange machine that killed me [the Rube Goldberg machine]. Although seriously, TYLER of all people figured it out! TYLER! [montage of Tyler's various mishaps]"

"Chris, you're getting off-topic," Carly said from offscreen.

"Oh, right." Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Fifty-one contestants remain. Who'll ride the river of lava to victory and who'll crash and burn? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Campfire_

"Hello everybody! How are we doing today?" Chris asked.

"Cold," Taylor grunted. "I'm _cold_."

"And my long underwear itches," Harold added, scratching his legs with his mittens.

"Well, do you know what's named after the cold but is actually pretty warm?"

"Chef?" DJ asked.

"No! Iceland!" Chris tsked. "I was speaking _literally_ , not _metaphorically_ , Deej!"

"Worth a shot," DJ shrugged.

"Anyway, Blaineley and I recently found out that, despite our Irish and Scottish-sounding surnames, most of our ancestry is in fact Icelandic! So the westernmost Nordic country shall be today's theme."

"Doesn't Greenland count as Nordic?" Eva asked.

"The Greenlandians don't think so. First off, I will break you into three teams of seventeen apiece. Each member of each team will be color-coded and will need to work together to pull today's challenge off. First off, one of you will listen to me speak butchered Icelandic through an old boombox and then run across a field of geysers, replicated by our pseudomines, and repeat that phrase to Halldora Scheving, an authentic Icelandian." A Caucasian noirette woman in a swan-themed coat stood on the other side of the field and waved to them.

"Bold of you to assume there are counterfeit Icelandians," Noah quipped, earning some laughs.

"Yeah, well...shut up! And you'll have to do it right, because Halldora here doesn't speak a lick of English."

* * *

 **First Guest Confessional – Halldora.  
**

"Of coursh I can shpeak English!" she griped. "I jusht have a thick acshent!" She sighed. "Shtupid Canadians. And I thought the Americans were ignorant!"  


* * *

"Next, one of you will navigate the island and look for a fossil! Don't expect anything like a dinosaur, because the island didn't form until eighteen million years ago. You'll be mostly looking for stuff like petrified wood, or bugs, or shells.

"Lastly, the final participant will be eating a big Icelandic meal called a Þorramatur! This is made up of the following parts:

"Fermented Greenland shark! Lactic acid-cured ram dingleberries squished into a cube! The boiled head of said ram! Head cheese made from the cheeks of a ewe! Pudding made from the liver of the ram! Sausage made from the blood of _both_ sheep! Buttered wind-dried wolffish! Rye bread! Smoked lambchops from the child of both sheep! The loins of the ewe cured in lactic acid! Seal flippers cured in lactic acid! Whale blubber pickled in sour milk! And mashed turnips."

"Wow, they don't waste any part of their sheep!" Owen said in respectful awe. Everyone else, sans the Goths, just looked sick.

"Chris, we can just eat _part_ of the meal, right?" Miles asked.

"Nope! Gotta eat all of it. Now, for teams. Owen, Devin, DJ, Duncan, Leshawna, Shawn, Sierra, MacArthur, Zoey, Scarlett, Tyler, Jen, B, Amy, Sanders, Bridgette, and Lightning. You are the Galloping Geysers!

"Noah, Carrie, Brick, Eva, Harold, Jasmine, Cody, Beardo, Mike, Sky, Lindsay, Ella, Cameron, Stephanie, Geoff, Sugar, and Taylor, you are the Fossil Finders! Everybody else, you're the Sheep Slurpers."

Miles and Laurie realized what team they were in and were appalled. "Chris, this is blatantly disrespectful of our life choices! Can't we switch with someone doing the fossils?" Laurie asked.

"Sorry girls, but Reiki energy ain't gonna land you a conch."

"You're pronouncing it wrong, the 'ch' at the end is pronounced like a 'k'," Miles interrupted.

"Says who?"

"Says Greek-doesn't-have-the-'chuh'-sound!"

"Okay, okay! But still. I got your teams by random assortment."

* * *

 **Confessional – Chef.**

Chef laughed heavily before his face grew serious. "Doubtful."  


* * *

"And I am NOT about to mess that up." The Vegans sighed, aware they'd get nowhere with him.

"Winning will be determined by time. Whichever of you three teams has the shortest net completion time wins! Now for the colored teams, the teams from my anniversary-set challenge modified to account for the eliminated." He pressed a button from his remote and his chart raced into view, the contestants' names on a different color of post-it: the twelve distinct color families as before, plus royal blue, burgundy, mint green, highlighter yellow, and tan. "Denoting each of _these_ will be some nifty colored snowpants! Get these on and then prepare for our first leg!"

* * *

 **Key: regular bold is Galloping Geysers, _italics is Fossil Finders,_ underlined is Sheep Slurpers.  
**

 **Red: Owen, _Noah_ , Emma.**

 **Orange: Devin, _Carrie_ , Sadie.**

 **Yellow: DJ, _Brick_ , Ennui.**

 **Green: Duncan, _Eva_ , Sam.**

 **Cyan: Leshawna, _Harold_ , Topher.**

 **Blue: Shawn, _Jasmine_ , Heather.**

 **Purple: Sierra, _Cody_ , Sammy.**

 **Black: MacArthur, _Beardo_ , Laurie.**

 **White: Zoey, _Mike_ , Jay.**

 **Gray: Scarlett, _Sky_ , Miles.**

 **Pink: Tyler, _Lindsay_ , Jo.**

 **Brown: Jen, _Ella_ , Justin.**

 **Royal Blue: B, _Cameron_ , Crimson.**

 **Burgundy: Amy, _Stephanie_ , Ryan.**

 **Mint Green: Sanders, _Geoff_ , Josee.**

 **Highlighter Yellow: Bridgette, _Sugar_ , Alejandro.**

 **Tan: Lightning, _Taylor_ , Jacques.**

* * *

 _Cyan_

"You can do it, Leshawna!" Harold said encouragingly. "Show those false geysers your mad skillz!"

"That's what I'm planning to do, baby! Good luck finding the fossils! Oh, and Topher, good luck on getting all that stuff down!"

"I'll need a lot of _that_ ," Topher said, gulping uneasily.

* * *

 _Royal Blue_

 _Deciphering Icelandic will be a bit easier for me than avoiding the geysers will_ _be,_ B said, frowning at his chubby thighs.

"Don't worry, B. All you need to do is wait for everyone else to pass over them, and then you'll know where they are," Cameron said. "Crimson?"

"Ennui and I have a much greater portion of our ancestry as Icelandic than even Chris and Blaineley do," she replied monotonously. "We'll be fine. Death is just a natural part of life."

"Well said."

* * *

 _Green_

"Uh, Chris?" Sam asked. "When you said we have to eat everything...does that include the bones?"

"Nope! But every calorie of soft tissue _must_ be eaten! That includes eyes."

Sam grimaced. "Please tell me you removed the brains. I don't want a prion disease."

"Nope, there's no brain in any of those ovine noggins!" Sam sighed in relief.

* * *

 _Red_

"I wish _I_ was the one doing the eating part, I don't mind eating a seal if my life depends on it," Owen remarked.

"We do too," Emma replied. "But hey, the dinosaurs employing us now that the canon series is over eat weirder crap on a regular basis. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure about that? Because I think there are some things we need to talk about." He winked in Noah's direction when he finished saying that.

"Like what?"

"Galloping Geysers! Please start your engines!" Chris called.

"Sorry, I gotta go. But you two go do what you need to do!" Owen said, bounding off.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"That was a lot of 'oo' words! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Jacques.**

"Owen, all offense intended, there are a _lot_ of things you don't know."

* * *

 _Galloping Geysers_

Chris played the boombox. A garbled _"Mig langar að fara framhjá"_ came out of it. Once it had, everyone started running. Except for B, who was sticking to his plan. As predicted, everyone else who was running the geyser gauntlet found the pseudomines for him. After that, B began running.

"Meg langer aw farb rim[CENSORED]?" Amy, the first to arrive, asked before immediately realizing what she'd said, her eyes widening in horror. Halldora blushed in embarrassment. "DANGIT!" Amy cursed before running back.

Tyler and Devin saw this and laughed. Halldora cocked an eyebrow at them and made a beckoning motion. "Oh crap, I was so busy laughing I forgot what to say," Tyler gulped.

"Me too," Devin agreed. They sighed and went back to the start.

* * *

 _Red_

"So...what did Owen want us to discuss?" Emma asked the Scheming Cynic.

"He wanted _me_ to get things straight with _you_. Emma, you have been acting _really_ strangely over the last month. And it's starting to get in the way of things," Noah replied. "I remember you saying you could get obsessive at times. Is this one of them?"

Emma paled. "Uh...well, after the whole Gwen thing, I kinda realized that people in relationships are getting...targeted. And I...didn't want that to be true for us."

"Emma, you are _absolutely_ right. And do you know why? It's Alejandro. He struck a Final Ten deal with the Ice Dancers and they're deliberately separating couples. Because they want to get _you_ nervous that I'll catch on and break up with you, to drag _all_ of us under."

Emma growled. "Are you kidding me?! What a rotten move!"

"I know." Noah paused. " _Were_ you afraid?"

"Deathly. I didn't...I didn't want to lose you."

"Did Jake threaten to break up with you over trivial stuff?" She nodded weakly. "Emma, I'm not Jake. _If_ I were to break up with you, and that's _extremely_ unlikely at this point, to be frank, then it'd be because things just didn't work any more. But now?" He pulled her close. "I wouldn't give you up for anything. Not even five million dollars."

Emma sniffled. "Th-thank you."

* * *

 _Galloping Geysers_

Jen reached the other side. _"Mig langar að fara framhjá."_ Halldora smiled and nodded. _"Ó, og ég líkar við kjólina þína!"_

This shocked Halldora into English. "You shpeak Ishlandic?"

"Yeah! My half-brother and I decided to learn it for funzies. Oh, and you speak English? Huh. Guess Chris lied again as always." She ran off.

* * *

 **Confessional – Jen.**

"Though I shouldn't be _too_ surprised, English is very widely spoken in Iceland."  


* * *

 _Brown_

"Ella! We can pass now!" Jen exclaimed.

"That's good to know!" Ella raced off, singing to herself. _"Will I find an ancient shell, or a fragment of a tree? I don't really care, because I love a mystery~"_

"We SO have to find out how she can summon music from nowhere," Jen remarked.

"Agreed," Justin nodded.

* * *

"But that can wait for another day!" Chris said. "Will Ella's early lead help her team win? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "While you were gone, Zoey managed to get the phrase right too!"

* * *

 _White_

Zoey panted before faceplanting into the snow. "Everything burns," she groaned, her voice muffled.

"Well, we don't have time for that," "Mike" scowled. He raced off.

"That was weird," Jay commented. "Mike isn't normally so impatient."

"Yeah..." Zoey pondered.

* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.**

"And to think that I was starting to like him like him!" she sighed. "Well, then again theoretically it's not _Mike_ who's changed..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Mal lurked around in the forest before spotting something gray and stringy-looking. He inspected the rock and confirmed that it was a petrified piece of wood. "Bullseye," he smirked.

Suddenly, a big purple thing crashed through the trees and made off with the fossil. Mal groaned as he gave chase to Sasquatchanakwa. "Man, Svetlana's strength would be really handy right here! Where the _bloody heck is she?!_ "

* * *

 _Mike's Mind_

Mike and Chester took away the last of the wires hooking Svetlana into place. "You're free now," Mike said.

"Thank you lots!" Svetlana beamed. "I was tired of having to give my strength to him whenever he so pleased. But we needings to get out of here before he comes back."

"Yes, but here's the thing," Chester said, pointing to the precarious assortment of metal platforms behind him. "Svetlana, we can't cross those unless you press that button on the other side."

"That will be of easy!" Svetlana cracked her knees and raced forward, before realizing how big the first gap was. "Maybe not."

"Don't worry! I'll just summon giant versions of everyone who has a flat head in our original artstyle to fill in the larger gaps!" Mike snapped his fingers and copies of Leshawna, Duncan, Noah, Heather, Sammy, Harold, Tyler, Emma, Kitty, Trent, Dawn, Eva, and Zeke. "Wow, that's...a lot of us."

Nonetheless, the addition of the mute clones was a big help. "Guess you are good for something after all," Svetlana remarked to the Heather clone, who flipped her off (pixellated) in response. She reached the other side after bouncing off the Zeke clone's toque and pressed a button. Mike dissipated the clones as the platforms extended into each other, then he and Chester raced up them and they, plus Svetlana, slid down the opposing wall.

"Stinks we can only do this in challenges when Mal's distracted," Mike panted. "Any word from what's going on out there?"

"No, Mal never tells us what to do. Only that we're needed to give him our talents."

"SVETLANA!"

They gasped. Thinking quickly, Mike summoned a Svetlana clone where the original once stood. She was colored in Mike's colors instead of her own, but the darkness of the surrounding flesh meant Mal didn't notice.

"Svet, do me a favor and give me your strength so I can beat the stupid monkey!" Mal paused. "When did the platforms get extended?" He shrugged and pressed a button at the bottom, retracting them and unwittingly trapping his enemies closer to him. He disappeared, and soon after, Mike dissolved the clone and collapsed.

"Phew," was all he could say.

* * *

 _Gray_

Back in the real world, the Gray team was catching up. Scarlett, overhearing Jen and Zoey say the correct phrase, memorized it and gave Sky a headstart. The Wannabe Olympian was able to swiftly navigate through the forest and come up with a fossilized birch leaf. This put them early for starting the final part.

"Okay Miles, you can do this!" Sky said encouragingly.

"But...I'm a vegan!"

"Veganism is a choice," Scarlett reminded her. "Omnivory is written in your genes and expressed in your gut and jaws."

"The Earth Mother won't be happy that I've eaten an animal that someone else killed!"

"I think she'll be more unhappy that you're denying your real nature. And plants are living things too, you know. If she didn't want life to be killed, we'd all be photosynthetic." Miles' eyes widened and she considered this. Sighing in defeat, she walked over to the Þorramatur.

"Let's get this over with," she sighed, before biting down into the seal flipper on her color-coded plate. "Yuck."

* * *

 _Red_

While Noah was fossil-hunting, Owen plodded over to Emma. "Hey, Em? Did Noah talk to you?"

"He did." She looked at him curiously. "Owen? You're taking Izzy's elimination rather well. Can I ask why?"

"Well, I just like to look on the bright side of life, is all."

"Gee, I hadn't noticed," she laughed.

"Izzy's still alive, and she still loves me. She's just not in the running for the money anymore. And there are good things about that! Like, I don't have to vote for her and feel guilty about that for the rest of the show."

"True."

"And Chris isn't going to be able to hurt her now."

"Also true."

"So keep in mind, Emma. This is a TV show, not the end of the world. The end of our lives might not be affected by this at all."

"I suppose you're right. How'd you all meet?"

"Noah and I met in second grade. I didn't have many friends, and he only had Izzy and Eva, the original Team E-Scope. So I kinda stuck with them, because they knew what it was like to get bullied like I was."

"And that's how the Misfits began?"

"The Misfits are a continuum," Owen replied. "They've been around from the start. But when we started ninth grade? _That_ Misfits, for the first time, found a leader. Noah's not the best person, he procrastinates and he's hesitant to trust people, but he's good where it counts: he's smart, brave, and in his own way, compassionate. If I don't win this show, I hope my little buddy does instead."

"Me too," Emma nodded. "Say, Owen? What if we renamed our alliance Team E-Scope in Izzy's honor?"

"She'd love that."

"I found a stick!" Noah said, entering with a fossilized stick. "Emma, it's up to you now." He kissed her cheek. "Good luck, babe!"

Emma blushed as red as her team's snowpants and raced off.

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.**

"B's right. I _have_ been taking my love life too slow. I guess this counts as ramping it up a _little_ bit."  


* * *

 _Some time later_

Eventually, all of the fossils had been found, and the Sheep Slurpers were, well, doing their thing. Crimson and Ennui slowly but steadily ate through the entire meal, and finished first for their respective teams.

However, Jay, who was last to arrive, was struck by his bad luck once again. He took off his gloves and set his hands down on the tablecloth. The profuse sweat on his hands almost instantly froze, sticking him to the table. "Oh, _no_."

"I can help with that," Alejandro said. He picked up his sheep head and quickly ate all the flesh off its lower jaw, then broke it off and then broke that into two pieces. He used one of the mandibles to try and pry Jay's hands off the table.

Then, the part of the bench Jay was sitting on broke, sending Jay, and all of the food not yet eaten, to the ground. "Jay!" Heather growled. "Quit being such a klutz!"

"I would, but I don't know where the off switch is," he groaned from the ground.

"Well, that's just peachy!" Chef groaned. "Good thing I already have a surplus of this stuff. Anyone who hasn't eaten everything, you're getting what you didn't eat replaced!"

Emma, who'd been smart enough to catch her plate before it fell, narrowed her eyes at Alejandro.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"Don't think sabotaging my own team has not been forgotten as an effective strategy," he chuckled. "I may get some votes, but I believe most of them will still be directed at Jay."

* * *

 _More time later_

Chef replaced all the food and everyone resumed eating. Sans Emma, who'd finished already. "Blech," she grimaced after eating the last sheep eyeball. "How do people _eat_ these things?"

"You're one to talk. Don't you Chinese eat bear bile or somethin'?" Sugar asked.

"Emma's family has lived in Canada for six generations, numbnuts!" Ryan snapped. "Sheesh girl, can't you go one day without offending someone?"

"Can't people go one day without being offended by pointless crap?"

"Can I hit her now?" Duncan asked Leshawna.

"Go right ahead, Duncan." Duncan grinned and picked up the now-lifeless boombox, before proceeding to chase her with it. Everyone laughed, causing the Sheep Slurpers to choke on their food.

"So I guess this plan increases their net completion time?" Harold asked.

"I guess, I just wanted Sugar to get her karma. Seriously, all people of color gotta stick up for each other!"

"Doesn't white count as a color?"

"Yeah, but white trash don't."

"Fair enough."

* * *

 _Even more time later_

"Well now," Chris said. "It seems that the Sheep Slurpers have _finally_ eaten _all_ of their food!"

"No thanks to Jay," Laurie grimaced, swallowing one last lump of turnip. "This was disgusting and offensive to our life choices."

"Hey, on the bright side, you aren't Vegans anymore." Laurie's pupils shrank.

"Don't worry, sweetie," Miles said gently, taking her hand. "Scarlett told me that we're humans, that we're meant to eat meat as well as plants. I guess that's our job in the circle of life."

"That's not what the internet said."

"Half the internet is deliberate misinformation spread by sadists who get off to people getting emotionally hurt," Eva snarked.

"True..."

"Anyways, let's get to the timing! The Galloping Geysers took a total of 133 minutes, or about seven minutes, forty-nine-and-a-half seconds per person, to complete their part of the challenge. The Fossil Finders took a total of 125 minutes, 42 seconds, or about seven minutes, twenty-four seconds per person, to complete their part of the challenge.

"Lastly, the Sheep Slurpers...hoo boy, you took _forever_ to finish with a total of 438 minutes, 33.6 seconds or about twenty-five minutes, forty-eight seconds per person. You guys lose the challenge, and the Fossil Finders win it! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Sheep Slurpers, someone's going to the funny farm!"

* * *

 _Guy's Alliance_

"So who are we voting for?" Ryan asked.

"Jay, without a doubt. His misfortunes may spread to us," Alejandro replied quickly.

"Aren't you too smart to believe in superstitions like that?"

"I am a Spaniard, Ryan. It is in my blood." He left.

"Hey, Ryan, have you seen my knife?" Duncan asked, entering the scene.

"Which one?"

"Ha. Just any switchblade, I mean." He spotted it underneath the Sheep Slurpers' table. "How did it end up here?" he asked himself, walking away.

Ryan noticed that the knife had been found right where Jay had fallen through. "Hm..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

"I feel really good about myself today," Emma smiled. "I finally got over this stupid hang-up." She wrote ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper. "I think Chris sticking me on a mostly Misfit-free team was deliberate..."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.**

"I'm still voting for Jay, because I don't want him to get hurt," Ryan said, writing JAY on a piece of paper. "But it looks like Carrie's right! I gotta tell Devin about this ASAP!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Ennui.**

"Crimson told me that Mike is not himself lately. In the most literal of ways." He wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper. "Alas, he is not on our team today."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sam.  
**

"No word on our deal with the Misfits, so I'm just gonna shoot in the dark." He wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Once more the plate had seventeen marshmallows, this time seven of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to blow up the drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Emma, Sadie, Ennui, Sam, Topher, Heather, Sammy, Justin, Crimson, and Ryan." They all got their marshmallows.

Chris pointed to the four blue marshmallows. "This may be a record here. Blue means you received only one vote against you. Josee, Jo, Miles, and Laurie, these are yours."

Next, Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. This time, only one person has two votes. That person would be Alejandro."

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you've outlasted your welcome. Jacques. Jay."

Jacques held his head high and snootily, while Jay just sighed.

"Jacques, you didn't go last time, and some people are mad about that. Jay, you made your team wait, and some people are mad about that. And, drumroll please...

...

...

...

...

"Jacques is safe with four votes!"

* * *

"Another Misfit fell today," Noah said to his remaining alliance members. "Mike" was noticeably absent. "But we will NOT be defeated just yet. We're gonna take back this game for the common loser!"

"Where do we start?" Tyler asked.

"Wherever we can. By the powers invested in us, I declare that Team E-Scope will triumph over all adversaries!"

"Hey, where's Mike?" Lindsay asked, and it was then that Noah realized that another plot was going on.

* * *

From his spot behind the good cabin, Chris watched them. "This doesn't look too good for our other competitors. Thirty-four down. Fifty remain. Who'll become a Norse God of fame and who'll get Loki'd? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He slunk away into the shadows, grinning maliciously.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Emma – Alejandro  
**

 ** ** **Sadie – Josee******

 ** **Ennui – Jacques  
****

 ** ** **Sam – Jacques******

 ** **Topher – Miles****

 ** ** ** **Heather – Jay********

 ** ** ** **Sammy – Jacques********

 ** ** ** ** **Laurie – Jay**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Jay – Alejandro************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Miles – Jay**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jo – Laurie****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Justin – Jo********************

 **Crimson – Jacques  
**

 ** **Ryan – Jay  
****

 **Josee ** **– Jay  
******

 ** ** ** **Alejandro – Jay  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Jacques – Jay  
**********

 **Results: 7-4-2-2-1-1-1-1 Jay-Jacques-Alejandro-Josee-Jo-Miles-Laurie  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"Is it true?" Devin asked that night in Ryan's room. Alejandro was in a different cabin, as were the Ice Dancers and Heather, so there was no hope of them overhearing them.

"I dunno, man. But if it is, then that means we've been helping the bad guy since the very start!" Ryan exclaimed. "I feel so bad...all those innocent people I kicked out..."

"Well, if Al does it again, then we should break it off, maybe by letting the Misfits take him out by not splitting the vote their way," Devin mused.

"Good call. See ya, bro."

* * *

However, someone HAD heard them. Sugar cackled to herself maniacally. "I'll get them ALL out! I'm gonna tattle on 'em and then **I** will win this show!" She snickered. "And Ella's gonna be utt'ly beat!"


	45. 2-14: Hero to Zero

**Review time!**

 **EndeavorT: Not initially, but anyone who decides to investigate further might come across the truth. And Alejandro here is the kind of guy who'd investigate even the slightest threat against him.**

 **Knight: The break from the norm is deliberate, because Chris is about to get dangerous.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! Yep, it's completely authentic, much moreso than it was in the canon!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks!**

 **Derick Lindsey: Thanks for catching that! It's fixed now.**

 **Great Idea Alert: Thanks! Yeah, Sierra's not gonna fall for Alejandro's shenanigans. Next chapter will be an original challenge, ditto Valentine's'. I'm gonna incorporate a gameshow into an upcoming challenge, and I've watched Adult Arthur...I didn't find it very funny.**

 **Important s: Good eye! Noah found those on one of the days between Challenges 2-9 and 2-10. Those intermediate days _matter_!**

 **Bonus game: can you name all 50 media I stole the designs from?**

* * *

 _Thursday, December 21, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we faced the cold-hard truth! [Scarlett talking to Miles about veganism] Three back-to-back challenges about Iceland faced our lucky campers. First, they ran across some geysers while trying to remember an Icelandic phrase! [Amy flubbing, Jen succeeding] Next, we scoured for fossils in a cold, dark forest! [Sasquatchanakwa stealing Mal's fossil] And lastly, we ate some really gross Icelandic food! [Crimson and Ennui finishing first] Jay messed up with Alejandro's help [Jay pulling off the tablecloth as he fell] and got eliminated. [Jay's elimination] But Noah wised Emma up to Alejandro's Final Ten deal with the Ice Dancers and they're okay now. [Noah kissing Emma on the cheek] Bleck."

Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our thirty-fifth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.

A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a bustling city. Chris now had on a skintight blue suit and a red cape, a bright red CMcL emblazoned on his chest. He stood on top of a skyscraper. "It's time to save the day today! Fifty contestants remain. Who'll be the best superhero and who'll be sidekicked to the curb? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"COPYRIGHT!" A man dressed in a suit labeled DISNEY ran over and began beating up Chris.

"You can't own a word, man!"

"Oh yes we can!"

 **"SECURITY!"** I called. Five anthropomorphic brown _Kritosaurus_ , four anthropomorphic purplish-gray _Wannanosaurus_ , six anthropomorphic ruby red _Ankylosaurus_ , Tiago the anthropomorphic purple _Oxalaia_ , and Canth arrived to subdue the Disney lawyer, and did so. Bloodily.

"Ow..." Chris, reduced to a crumpled piece of Toon Energy, groaned on the floor.

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from inside a trash can, scaring off a pigeon. Another came from a sewer, startling a rat. The third popped out of the lens of a larger camera. The cameras looked at each other and shrieked, while Scarlett, dressed as a reporter, facepalmed.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

Sky, true to her name, flew through the air with her newfound power. However, because she didn't have a helmet on, she got smacked in the face with numerous bugs.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

Duncan snooped around. Harold, having turned invisible, tried not to make a sound. Then Duncan spray-painted the wall with blue spraypaint, exposing Harold's arm. The Dweeb gulped.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out in the middle of the street. They didn't notice the oncoming bus.

 _*Instrumental*_

Noah and Emma juggled a bunch of trees for no apparent reason. Said reason became apparent when it turned out Jacques and Alejandro were in one of them, hanging on for dear life.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Geoff flew to the sun and dug out a piece of it, before eating it. His GI tract began to glow before he spontaneously exploded, then reformed.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

A bunch of criminals looted a store in the middle of the night. Suddenly, they were ambushed by Crimson and Ennui, their eyes and makeup glowing an eerie red. The criminals gulped.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Topher hogged the spotlight.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

B exchanged blows with Jo, the former not even trying.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Ryan flew up to an incoming truck-sized meteor and punched it, shattering it into a pile of black sand.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Alejandro was awarded the key to the city. He seemed to be confused as to what it was for.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, Owen and Izzy moved in for a kiss...and then Chris remembered that Izzy had been eliminated, so he dragged her away. Owen sighed in exasperation and shook his head at the camera.

* * *

 _Laundry Room_

Alejandro whistled to himself as he removed his clothes from the dryer.

"Hey Al!" Sugar said as she raced into the laundry room.

Alejandro growled. "Do NOT call me that name!" he spat.

"Yeah yeah, shut up. Lissen, I've been tryna' catch you all week so I can tell you somethin'. Yer alliance is gonna turn on you."

"Impossible. They are loyal."

"Then don't mess that up." She left.

"...Could they?" he asked himself. He shook his head. "No, I do not think so. Devin is not very bright and Ryan, from what I understand, does not betray people. I will be fine."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.  
**

"It IS true, but hey, it's gonna mess with his head and he'll be eliminated BEFORE I am." She cackled madly.  


* * *

 _Some time later_

"Hello everybody!" Chris greeted the contestants. "Happy winter solstice! To celebrate the first day of winter, I've got an extra-special challenge for you. Please check for your teams!"

Owen, Noah, Emma, Sam, Lindsay, Devin, Mal, Harold, Cameron, Zoey, DJ, Carrie, Leshawna, Shawn, Jasmine, Cody, Sammy, Tyler, Sadie, Brick, Jen, Ella, Justin, Geoff, and Bridgette's paper circles were yellow and had a hamster with a halo on it.

And Taylor, Scarlett, Sierra, Amy, Duncan, Heather, Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Jo, Ennui, Eva, Topher, MacArthur, Beardo, Laurie, Sky, Miles, B, Crimson, Stephanie, Ryan, Sanders, Sugar, and Lightning's were puce and had a leering vulture on it.

"If you got the hamster, you're the Heroic Hamsters! If you got the vulture, you're the Villainous Vultures!" Chris smiled at them. "Do you like superhero comics?"

"Not really, they don't tend to be very well-written," Noah remarked.

"Well too bad! Because we're going to do what they do! The setting is the awesome city of South Chrisopolis! A bunch of bad guys want this city destroyed to make room for their factory of evil machines. The heroes, obviously, don't want that to happen. This will be a last-man-standing challenge, so whichever team loses all its members first wins, and all collateral damage will be completely ignored!"

"There go my hopes for realism," Sanders remarked.

"Good luck!" An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a city appeared on the canvas screen...

* * *

 **Heroic Hamsters:** **Owen, Noah, Emma, Sam, Lindsay, Devin, Mike, Harold, Cameron, Zoey, DJ, Carrie, Leshawna, Shawn, Jasmine, Cody, Sammy, Tyler, Sadie, Brick, Jen, Ella, Justin, Geoff, and Bridgette.**

 **Villainous Vultures: Taylor, Scarlett, Sierra, Amy, Duncan, Heather, Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Jo, Ennui, Eva, Topher, MacArthur, Beardo, Laurie, Sky, Miles, B, Crimson, Stephanie, Ryan, Sanders, Sugar, and Lightning.**

* * *

 _Heroic Hamsters_

Noah, Emma, and Owen spawned first. All three of them looked very different now.

Noah's skin was now his favorite shade of dark red, and his skull was abnormally large and bald. He had a thin goatee and wore an imposing-looking suit.

Owen was covered in bright orange armor save for his palms and his elbows. A white toque was painted on his breastplate. Instead of a sword, he had a massive pair of salad tongs roughly three feet long and two feet in gape hanging from his belt.

Emma, buck-naked, appeared to be made of wood now, with numerous thin, tapered green leaves with lighter green stripes taking the place of all of her hair down to her eyelashes. There was a red lotus-looking flower on her crotch for censorship reasons (unfortunately, flowers corresponded to the exact same body part that was trying to be covered up, so it didn't really work).

"Wow, what even _are_ we?" Owen said in awe.

"We're heroes, of course," Noah replied. "Wow, my voice is...bizarre. I believe there should be a card on our persons explaining our powers." He found his in the collar of his cape:

 **BIG BRAIN  
**

Alien with an incredibly powerful intellect, so much so they can disable the powers of the villains just by refusing to acknowledge their existence.  


 **Strengths:** IQ of 360, alien DNA means invisibility to bioscanners, can change skin color.

 **Weaknesses:** Built like a stick, has an accent, afraid of spiders.  


"Oh, _I_ see what you mean!" Owen rummaged around in his armor before finally finding it under his kneepad:

 **THE CATERER  
**

Fires beams from their hands that summon an endless torrent of food of their choosing, and beams from their elbows that turn any object of their choosing into food.

 **Strengths:** Infinite stomach capacity, total immunity to all poisons and diseases, indestructible mouth.

 **Weaknesses:** Slow-moving, poor agility, rest of their body is _not_ indestructible.

"Then I guess I'm the only one left." Emma removed hers from her hair:

 **VERACI-TREE  
**

Grows leaves that contain a chemical that forces anyone who eats them to tell the truth (and nothing but the truth until the leaf's digested).

 **Strengths:** Only needs to eat sunlight and mineral water, superhuman durability, healing factor.  


 **Weaknesses:** Leaves take a while to grow back, opponents must be restrained for the leaves to be fed, poor resistance to fire.

"Weird," she commented. "I wonder how everyone else fared."

* * *

 _Villainous Vultures_

"What the heck?" Taylor asked somewhere in a warehouse. She was a tangerine with her face on it. She brought up her card (which, due to her lack of hands, was floating in midair) and studied it:

 **TEMPER-TEST TANGERINE  
**

Annoying laugh that can rupture eardrums, ability to injure opponents by saying "Hey, hey [name]? [Insert weapon here]!"

 **Strengths:** Endless patience, endless puns, no need for food or drink.

 **Weaknesses:** You're a tangerine, your weaknesses should be fairly obvious.

Scarlett was the same as before, except now she was wearing a white labcoat over a black shirt, army green pants, and black dress shoes, plus her nose was a lot longer than it was normally. Her card was in her breast pocket:

 **DOCTOR MITTELSHIRTZ  
**

Can build any raygun for any possible purpose.

 **Strengths:** Endless money, enormous imagination, comes from a country in Europe that doesn't actually exist (i.e. the CIA can't find you, which is how you've gotten away with all this crap when you should've been arrested years ago).  


 **Weaknesses:** Doesn't always think things through, poor physical strength, tends to explain the joke.

Sierra was dressed in a stereotypical blue-and-white sailor fuku. A knife hung from a holster on her skirt. Her card was in another bag on the holster:

 **LOVESICK GIRL  
**

An emotionally unstable wreck trying to get her slightly-older crush to notice her by killing her foes.

 **Strengths:** Incapable of feeling remorse, knows how to use any weapon in the world, limited shapeshifting abilities.  


 **Weaknesses:** Cannot fight adults, becomes less effective the more people she kills as murder destroys her sanity, parent game is trapped in Development [H word].

Amy's hair was now ragged and spiky, standing up on its own. She wore a ripped black tank top, black pants and boots with orange accents, and each hand was covered by a large grenade-shaped gauntlet. Fittingly for the Malevolent Twin, her irises now glowed red instead of their usual teal. She found her card inside the back of her right gauntlet:

 **LADY EXPLODOKILLS  
**

Sweats nitroglycerin from palms that can be auto-ignited.

 **Strengths:** Size of explosion only limited by amount of sweat, immune to going deaf, very strong control over power.  


 **Weaknesses:** Ill-tempered, irrational, egocentric.  


"Where the heck is everyone else?" Amy asked.

"I don't know," Scarlett replied. "But I believe that I might be able to find out. Sierra, I need you to help me collect the material I need for a communications device."

"Okay!" Sierra changed her hair into a blue bob, made her skin a much lighter shade of brown, shortened her height, and turned her eyes red. She raced off.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.  
**

"Now they won't suspect a thing!" The confessionals were held in an interrogation room.  


* * *

 _Heroic Hamsters_

"Oooh!" Sam exclaimed. He was now dressed in a cherry red Kevlar bodysuit with black markings. "I thought I was the only person who remembered this show!" He retrieved his card out from inside a fancy-looking cannon strapped to his back:

 **GAGOTANIST  
**

Secret agent themed on toilet humor.

 **Strengths:** Knows every fighting style that's ever existed, abnormally high tolerance of gross things, tons of gadgets.  


 **Weaknesses:** No actual superpowers, reckless, doesn't have many friends.

Lindsay's color palette was completely light green, and she was dressed for combat. A heptagonal-faceted round gemstone was located between her mighty cleavage. She pulled her card out of her gem:

 **DIOPSIDE  
**

An 8901-year-old alien that takes the form of a jewel. Rebelled against her all-female species to live a peaceful life on Earth.

 **Strengths:** Endurance is so high sleep is unnecessary, can summon weapons from gemstone, able to meld bodies with others of their species.

 **Weaknesses:** Holographic body will retreat into gemstone if hurt too much, gemstone cannot regenerate if damaged, series creator hates the color green for no apparent reason.  


Devin was dressed in yellow flowing robes with his team's symbol on a wooden pendant. Gray arrow-shaped tattoos covered his body, the arrowheads coming out on his wrists and forehead. His card came from inside a wooden staff that doubled as a glider:

 **ELEMENT BOY  
**

Can bend the classical elements (water, earth, fire, and air, sometimes life energy too but that's a bit trickier).

 **Strengths:** Wisdom and strength of hundreds of past lives, literally knows kung fu, can talk to ghosts.

 **Weaknesses:** Can only speak Chinese, can't bend the _chemical_ elements, can't use any technology invented after 1927.

Devin took offense to part of that last bit. _"Wǒ bùshì zhōngguó rén! Wǒ shì_ hánguó _rén!"_

"What?" Sam asked. "Sorry dude, I can't understand you."

"I can," Lindsay said, "which makes no sense because I should be speaking alien talk and not people talk. He's mad that he can only speak Chinese because he's actually Korean."

"Well, that would do it," Sam nodded thoughtfully. "We should probably read each other's cards so we can work around our weaknesses."

Devin nodded. _"Shì de, hǎo zhǔyì."_ He handed his card over.

* * *

 _Villainous Vultures_

Duncan grinned. "This looks really freaking sick!" He was a luminescent blue monster the length of a tree, resembling a Chinese dragon but with too many centipede-like legs. His card materialized in front of him:

 **LUNAR EMPEROR  
**

God of the Moon who severed his connection to the satellite to pursue a career in evil.  


 **Strengths:** Can wipe opponents' memories if their eyes are gouged out, flight, can perform magic.  


 **Weaknesses:** Gets distracted by small children who look like his grandson, can't heal injuries, susceptible to string instruments.  


Heather frowned. "I know how I dress is impractical, but _come on_!" She was wearing a skimpy vinyl bodysuit that left a lot of her body exposed. She was also blue-skinned. Her card came in the holographic display of her arachnoid-like goggles:

 **BLUEBERRY SPIDERWITCH  
**

Ballet dancer brainwashed into the world's greatest sniper.

 **Strengths:** Never misses a shot, grappling hook, can tolerate unnaturally low temperatures.  


 **Weaknesses:** Flirts with enemies too often, slow metabolism means low speed, is a meme.

Alejandro was a red square pyramid the size of a toaster, with four skinny black limbs and a top hat. He only had one green eye with elongated eyelashes and no visible mouth. His card appeared inside a blue flame he summoned from his hand:

 **PYRAMID SCHEME  
**

Thing from another universe that wants to make this one 400000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000x weirder than it usually is.

 **Strengths:** Nigh-invulnerability, pyrokinesis, mind screwing.

 **Weaknesses:** Eye takes longest to regenerate, memory-destroying weaponry, being told he isn't real and that the writers are using the word "dimension" wrong again.  


Jacques was now a short, anthropomorphic pink-furred moose calf wearing a red-and-blue striped sweater. Despite not wearing any pants he still somehow found his card in his pants pocket:

 **IMAGINATION MOOSE  
**

Juvenile alcid that can conjure anything into existence just by imagining it.  


 **Strengths:** Unlimited imagination, master of disguise, can breathe in space.

 **Weaknesses:** Not mature mentally, doesn't completely understand science, susceptible to mind-based attacks.  


"Yes, Heather, I believe I would've been more suited for your form, and not...whatever this thing is," Josee commented. She'd been turned into a long, rainbow-colored unicorn-snake-thing with sharp teeth. Her card was inside her mane:

 **UNICORN OF DIOMEDES  
**

Human-eating equid from a magical future.

 **Strengths:** Understands all East Asian languages, eats people, can survive lethal levels of radiation.  


 **Weaknesses:** No fingers, ages rapidly, falls in love with slacker dogs.  


"Well, eating people's good for eliminating the other team," Duncan said.

"The keyword here being 'people'," Alejandro pointed out. His voice was autotuned and nasal. "Josee could not eat me, nor could she eat Jacques or you. Nor an alien, or a monster, or a penguin."

Heather snorted. "Alejandro, I love you, but seriously, a _penguin_?! Who'd have the bad luck to get turned into one of _those_?"

* * *

 _Heroic Hamsters_

Mal looked himself over. He was an Adelie penguin with a cowlick of feathers shaped like Mike's hair. He pulled out his card from nowhere:

 **COMMANDO PENGUIN  
**

Cute and cuddly boi who can take down animals hundreds of times larger than themself.

 **Strengths:** Can talk to humans and animals, knows all martial arts, can regurgitate tools far bigger than self.

 **Weaknesses:** Not very smart because they're a penguin, irrational, weakness for fish churros.  


"Odd," he mused.

"Yeah, I thought you'd get _my_ guy," Harold remarked. He was now dressed in a white t-shirt with black lines and baggy green cargo pants. A fancy-looking watch was attached to his left wrist. He found his card in the watch's holographic display:

 **ALIEN WATCH MAN  
**

An alien device did what it did, and now shapeshifting into sapient extraterrestrials is possible.

 **Strengths:** Can turn into things with much hardier biologies, healing factors, and more weird stuff that makes evolutionary biologists cry at night.

 **Weaknesses:** Watch times out after ten minutes, watch is removable if a specific set of numbers is typed into it, writers don't know what they're doing at ALL.  


Cameron was inside a metal exosuit that made him appear a lot taller than he was. His card also appeared through a digital interface:

 **CHROME CARAPACE  
**

External covering protects body from harm.

 **Strengths:** Flight, enhanced strength, laser eyes.  


 **Weaknesses:** Not too durable, engine unstable, robot girls fail to recognize that the suit's builder is the same person as the machine.  


"I loved this webcomic!" Zoey exclaimed. She was a gray-skinned humanoid, her hair now black and a pair of orange striped horns shaped like spoons coming out of her temples. She was clad in a black shirt with a funny-looking maroon symbol on it along with her default pants and wedge sandals. Her nails were claws painted the same maroon as her symbol, and her irises were also that color. She found her card inside her pants pocket:

 **ZOEYLA GRANGE  
**

Telekinetic troll with enhanced fighting skills.

 **Strengths:** Telekinesis, powerful headbutts, can make sense of weird time travel shenanigans.  


 **Weaknesses:** Susceptible to mind-bending powers, maximum life expectancy is only thirty, never expects the pumpkins.  


DJ gulped. "I don't like this one's source, though. Too violent." He was dressed in a dark green suit with a matching mask covering his face sans his eyes and mouth. His card was inside a white case inside his lapel:

 **I SPY  
**

Cynical espionage agent on a quest to protect a vein of Kangaroo Gold.  


 **Strengths:** Fluent in French, can turn invisible & disguise as other people, snorts bend reality.  


 **Weaknesses:** Lungs destroyed by smoking, can't use any technology invented after 1972, not trustworthy.  


Carrie was a humanoid wolf made completely out of black ink save for her face and overalls, which were made of yellowed paper. She found her card in her overalls' pocket:

 **PEN WOLF  
**

Ink-based canid with superhuman regenerability.  


 **Strengths:** Healing factor, can make weapons out of own flesh, can bring drawings to life.  


 **Weaknesses:** Colorblind, prioritizes food, cowardly.  


"Okay, Carrie's definitely gonna be overpowered," Harold commented. "Me as well."

"I'm just glad I _have_ some power," Cameron said. "Perhaps the strength of a million and seventy men, even." A pause. "Does this suit have a bathroom in it?"

Harold turned himself into a little gray frog-like thing and climbed onto it to inspect it. "Yes, it does."

"Oh, thank goodness!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Harold (as Neural Network).  
**

"I don't want to think about the possibility of Cameron peeing himself in the real world," Harold winced.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sylvester.  
**

"Me either," Sylvester said in the real world, grimacing. "Because guess who's gonna have to clean it up?"  


* * *

 _Villainous Vultures_

Jo sighed. "Seriously, Chris?" She was a green blob with two stalked eyes residing inside an egg-shaped robot with four-fingered arms. Her card appeared in her hand:

 **YOLKA JOKE  
**

Egg-like alien who wants revenge for being defeated by a literal fourth grader.  


 **Strengths:** High intelligence, suit's mouth can incinerate all organic material for the body to use for energy, can summon a chicken monster.

 **Weaknesses:** Easily stunned, suit is extremely fragile, makes no biological sense.  


"Yes, it appears that he's running out of ideas," Ennui drolled. His hair was silver, his skin deathly white, his eyes red, and he was dressed in a black costume with white markings. His card materialized out of a white flame:

 **GARY GHOSTLY  
**

Half-man, half-ghost, all unstoppable.

 **Strengths:** Intangibility, invisibility, technically already dead.  


 **Weaknesses:** Egocentric, human side is _very_ physically weak, brown eyes don't seem to exist in parent universe.  


Eva had been turned into a gray cyclopic humanoid with many parts of her body covered in TV static and glitching out. A remote control was in her hand. She pressed the power button and her card appeared on a nearby window:

 **GLITCHMEISTER  
**

Experiences from outside the universe created a powerful time bender.  


 **Strengths:** Can stop time, mess around with time, erasure of memories.  


 **Weaknesses:** Remote can work on them, remote can be destroyed, susceptible to magnets.  


"When I said I wanted to be popular, _this_ is not what I meant." Topher was an overweight orange tabby cat. He found his card glued to the bottom of a nearby food bowl:

 **FAT CAT  
**

Cynical felid with low-level reality-warping powers.

 **Strengths:** Hard to severely injure, can summon items from nowhere for its own amusement, can manipulate objects with fingers.  


 **Weaknesses:** Extremely poor stamina, falls asleep a lot, source comic stopped being consistently funny in the 1990s.  


"I'm sure you can find a work-around," Eva shrugged. "Anyway, who should we attack first?"

"Dunno. Maybe you should stop time so you can look everyone over."

"Good call." Eva pressed the stop button on her remote at the sky and the world froze, then pointed fast-forward at herself. Not long after blurring around the city, she restarted the universe. "Okay, so Noah's super intelligent and can erase us from the game by saying we aren't real. I say we take him out first."

"Really? Huh, I thought Chris didn't like him enough to give him something so gamebreaking," Jo remarked.

"He _doesn't_ like him," Topher replied. "See how twitchy he gets when Noah wins at something? But yeah, we should..." And then Topher fell asleep.

" _His_ cat is more active than that." Jo sighed. "C'mon Ennui, let's go."

"I concur." The demighost floated after her.

* * *

 _Heroic Hamsters_

Leshawna looked at herself. She was dressed in a black tuxedo, gray pants, a light yellow undershirt, spats, and a black top hat. "What in the world?" she asked herself, finding her card inside her hat.

 **THE CONTROLLER  
**

Comic businessperson who can summon trains to run down opponents.

 **Strengths:** Can summon any rolling stock from any railway that ever existed regardless of whether all examples of that class were scrapped, impeccable timing, doesn't age.  


 **Weaknesses:** No one will take them seriously, poor aim, cream buns.  


"..."

* * *

 _Villainous Vultures_

Inside of an aquarium on the edge of town, MacArthur was a small green octopus with a tiny volcano strapped to her head. "Unusual combo, but still awesome!" She spewed a jet of lava out, and it quickly crystallized into black shards that formed her card on the tank's wall:

 **THE VOLCANO  
**

So named for their fiery temper and not for their supposed high tolerance of spicy foods.  


 **Strengths:** Can survive temperatures beyond the boiling point of tungsten (10,030°F), can manipulate paper underwater, ink bombs.  


 **Weaknesses:** Can't breathe air, can't survive in freshwater, mediocre clarinet player.

Beardo was now a gorilla the size of a large truck, his beard and afro extending to cover his entire body. His card was on a nearby billboard:

 **MEGA GORILLA  
**

Giant gorilla.  


 **Strengths:** High speed, sharp teeth, eats dinosaurs.  


 **Weaknesses:** Poor mobility, cute women, endothermic metabolism will eventually cook it alive from the inside out.  


He winced. "Oh, that's gonna _suck_."

Laurie was now a green furry creature with a pink nose and pronounced lips. She wore a knight's helmet with a white plume and a purplish-pink cape with a shamrock on its back, her card stitched into it like a tag:

 **SUPER CLOVER  
**

Energetic phytokinetic monster kid.  


 **Strengths:** Flight, nigh-invulnerability, can control plants.  


 **Weaknesses:** Clueless, reckless, can only control plants _without_ brains.  


Sky was light green-skinned and was dressed in a neon green and black jumpsuit. Her card was inside her pocket:

 **IGO  
**

Touched a magical comet and can now fire plasma out of their palms.  


 **Strengths:** Durable, immune to own plasma, expert fighter.  


 **Weaknesses:** Won't show up on a greenscreen, incompetent boss, parent series is severely overrated.

Miles was a bubblegum pink monster with fangs, three yellow eyes, lavender tendrils for hair, and a long, whiplike tail. Her card was tattooed into her right palm:

 **FRIGHT MUNCHER  
**

A monster that grows larger when more people are afraid of it.  


 **Strengths:** High jumps, sharp teeth, barfs fast-drying glue.  


 **Weaknesses:** Confidence, bravery, everyone else being an idiot.  


 _Can someone help me?_ B asked. He was a Japanese-style vending machine with a symbol stamped onto his sides. His telepathy watch was integrated into his keypad.

"Oh, sure thing." Sky picked up a nearby 100 yen coin and put it in, receiving a packet of apple seeds and B's card:

 **ANOMALY 261  
**

Vending machine that deposits weird things when paid.  


 **Strengths:** Unaffected by own wares, not limited to conventional physics, can work without electricity.  


 **Weaknesses:** Only takes yen, depositions are random, immobile.  


Crimson was a hulking, skeletal black...thing, with a bulbous head and no eyes. She found her card, written in Braille, on a nearby wall, though she had difficulty walking over to it:

 **STRANGE FORM  
**

Metallic killer from another planet. Weirdest known life cycle.

 **Strengths:** Sharp teeth, acidic blood, can breathe any atmosphere.  


 **Weaknesses:** Blind and therefore relies on echolocation, brittle arms, not adapted to Earth's higher gravity.

* * *

 _Heroic Hamsters_

Shawn was in a suit and found his card inside his lapel:

 **SCAT MAN  
**

Disorients enemies with fast-paced gibberish.

 **Strengths:** Unassuming, immune to mind-based powers, can speak any language.  


 **Weaknesses:** Sometimes scats while delivering instructions, somewhat annoying, subject to too many puns.  


"Rada...rada, rada?" Jasmine was now a creature resembling a gerbil's head on a llama's neck on a bipedal elephant's body. Made of granite. She found her card inside the pocket of her apron:

 **RADA RADA  
**

Rock monster with impeccable culinary skills.

 **Strengths:** Speaks in a language only fellow heroes can understand, tough skin, can eat anything without getting sick.  


 **Weaknesses:** Ill-tempered, brittle, can't poop.

Cody was a black-furred creature with a white face and a bright red nose, wearing only his iconic yellow shirt. He pulled out a stick of baloney from behind his back with his card stamped into it:

 **CRACKO  
**

Rabbit/cat natural-born prankster out to annoy the world.

 **Strengths:** Nigh-invulnerable, access to hammerspace for any conceivable object, can enter TVs to obtain even more weapons.  


 **Weaknesses:** Not actually funny, relies too much on pop culture no one who lives in the 21st century understands, doesn't know geography.  


Sammy was a 300-foot-tall bipedal black lizard, her back covered in massive plates. She found her card etched into one of the plates on her tail:

 **GODLIZARD  
**

Marine iguana mutated into a radioactive skyscraper-sized behemoth.  


 **Strengths:** Radioactive burps, bulletproof, can eat rocks.

 **Weaknesses:** Top-heavy, poor mobility, square/cube law.  


Tyler's skin had turned into a thick red material and he now sported antennae, along with an extra pair of arms and an extra pair of legs. He found his card tied around the handle of a spoon that was in his supernumerary left hand:

 **THE HARVEST MITE  
**

Strength of a crowded bus stop of men.

 **Strengths:** Incredibly strong, impressive tunneling skills, can shrink to the size of a pinhead.

 **Weaknesses:** Absolutely loony, poor grasp on reality, might be naked.

Sadie was a black machine resembling a bulldozer and a dump truck's hybrid offspring, her eyes inside her headlights, which were mounted in such a way that she looked like a slug, and her mouth was a grill. Her card was inside her glove compartment:

 **MUD  
**

Experimental snow plow proven to be the ultimate tractor.  


 **Strengths:** Small turn radius, doesn't need gasoline or any type of fuel, 280° vision.

 **Weaknesses:** Afraid of the dark, hates soap, mechanical issues in bed hydraulics.

"Just... _how_ many children's shows are we going to make fun of today?" Sadie asked.

"I dunno, but we're gonna ruin some bad guys' lives today," Cody said. "Now let's see..."

* * *

 _Villainous Vultures_

Stephanie was dressed in an elegant red-purple trench coat with matching fedora and heels. Her card was inside her pocket:

 **ANGRY ARCHAEOLOGIST  
**

Where on _Earth_ is she?

 **Strengths:** Can hide anywhere, incredible intelligence, teleportation.  


 **Weaknesses:** Can't use any technology invented after 1985, can't run because of her shoes, not bulletproof.  


Ryan was a big, hulking pot-bellied gray-skinned alien with four eyes, a bulbous head with small antennae, six noodly legs ending in three-toed feet, and dressed in a labcoat. His card was inside his pocket:

 **QUASAKAR  
**

Alien who ate a piece of a meteorite laced with Element 126 and became all-powerful as a result.  


 **Strengths:** Sizeshifting, cloning, can drink through their ears.  


 **Weaknesses:** Fragile, egocentric, will eventually succumb to radiation poisoning.  


Sanders was a blue creature ten feet tall, with mitten-shaped hands, flat feet, a baby-like face, a hook-shaped growth coming out of her forehead, and a TV in her stomach, where her card appeared:

 **WAKA-TOOKA  
**

Giant who can see into other worlds.  


 **Strengths:** Biological television equals perfect surveillance, can read minds, incredible strength.  


 **Weaknesses:** Freaks out fellow villains, clumsy, vacuum cleaners.  


Sugar was now a gelatinous pink blob with a face. Her card was projected in front of her holographically from a button embedded in the ground:

 **SLIME BALL  
**

Multicellular alien protist out to eat the planet.

 **Strengths:** Can consume any organic matter without getting sick, can grow stronger after eating another slime's poop, own poop can be used to make gadgets.  


 **Weaknesses:** Eating the poop of two slimes will turn them into a water-soluble homicidal maniac, _extremely_ dumb, starves easily.  


Lightning was buff and dressed in the colors of the Canadian flag, with a maple leaf on a circular shield. His card was in his hand:

 **CAPTAIN MASCULINE  
**

Perfectly pure paragon.

 **Strengths:** Incredibly strong, stands for freedom, hates Nazis.

 **Weaknesses:** Why should there be?

"Sha-BAM!"

* * *

 _Heroic Hamsters_

Brick was a cyanotic corpse of an eight-year-old with x'ed-out eyes. His card was found inside a nearby wooden chest:

 **DEAD BOI  
**

Body of a child who committed suicide by suffocation, soul of a demon, heart of a hero.

 **Strengths:** Bullet tears, craps money, can summon an army of exploding flies.  


 **Weaknesses:** Slow, poor eyesight, smells awful.  


Jen was a tall periwinkle wyvern with a large nose horn, several cranial horns, and her tail was covered in spines. Her card was on the back of a nearby rune:

 **VAINDRAGON  
**

Incredibly narcissistic dragon that rebelled against their queen to become a hero.  


 **Strengths:** Flight, blinding magnesium flame, can fire tail quills.  


 **Weaknesses:** Quills take a while to regrow, large nose horn means big blind spot, chicken.  


Ella was a pink notebook with arms and a face. She found her card written on one of her pages:

 **ARTBOOK  
**

Able to twist the fabric of reality by singing.  


 **Strengths:** No morals, unassuming, anything drawn on the pages comes to life.  


 **Weaknesses:** The color green (since green is pink's anticolor), fire, growing up.

Justin was a gray retrofuturistic robot with a single antenna on his head, a holographic mouth grill, and a door on his chest. He opened said door and retrieved his card from within:

 **ANGLESMITH  
**

Sociopathic robot who can bend any material.

 **Strengths:** Incredible strength, organs are autonomous and replaceable, doesn't age.  


 **Weaknesses:** Drug addict, smells bad, horrible cook.  


Geoff was a bug the height of a nickel, clad in a gray cloak. He only had four limbs though, and his body was completely composed of a viscous black material. A tiny sword was in a holster on his back. His head was stuffed inside a white shell shaped like his hat. He found his card inside a pocket universe within his own body:

 **EMPTY SOLDIER  
**

Failed prototype of an evil goddess' mind prison made almost entirely out of dark matter or whatever it's called.  


 **Strengths:** Can beat up things much bigger than itself, doesn't need to eat or drink or sleep, can store stuff inside itself.  


 **Weaknesses:** Takes damage quickly, doesn't remember its own past, bugspray.

Bridgette was in a mobile aquarium tank, as she was a mermaid with a powder blue tail. She was wearing a seaweed-wrap tube top and had a cockle serving as a living hairpin. Her card was on the back of a common squid also floating in her tank:

 **BIG MERMAID  
**

Like the redhaired one, but actually competent.

 **Strengths:** Can talk to macroscopic sea life, can survive on plankton, magical singing.  


 **Weaknesses:** Will suffocate out of water, can't use fire, doesn't know what a fork is.  


* * *

"Annnnnnnd we spent so much time showing all the designs we've gone right to break!" Chris announced. "So what's the big old fight gonna look like? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "The teams have finally met up and are making their attack plans!"

"Let's just hope they don't destroy all the city," Chef, turned into a regular old cop, grumbled.

* * *

 _Villainous Vultures_

"There is definitely something we _should_ be doing," Scarlett said. "Sugar, B, you're with me. B, I will buy your wares and feed them to Sugar. Sugar, your resulting feces will be used to build rayguns to take out some of the more challenging heroes from the list Eva supplied me with. Stephanie, since your costume impairs your mobility and we can't seem to be capable of removing them, I want you to stay here and buy the food."

"Okay, that's fair, heels are dumb anyway."

"The rest of you should go out and take care of the weaker heroes."

"But how are we gonna pay for all that food?" Ryan asked.

"Leave that to me." Alejandro summoned an enormous pile of yen.

"Oh...right, I forgot you could do anything." Ryan inserted a 500 yen into B and he deposited an onion.

Sugar ate said onion. "Hey, it tastes like p'tato chips!" A pink tetragonal trapezohedron encased in a clear shell popped out of her head. Scarlett grabbed it with a pair of tongs and began hammering it flat on a nearby lab table. The rest of the team filed out.

"Keep the food comin'!" Stephanie inserted another 500 yen and B deposited a lumpy dark purple fruit, which Sugar ate. She crapped pink again, along with a swarm of what appeared to be red-and-orange-striped European wasps with the wings of a Puerto Rico harlequin butterfly. "Oh, guess that fruit was yer house. Well, anyway, yer mine now, so go sting the heroes!" The wasperflies complied and flew off.

* * *

 **Confessional – B.  
**

 _I am a_ lot _more dangerous than I first thought I was.  
_

* * *

 _Heroic Hamsters_

"Okay, so what should we _do?_ " Emma asked Noah as the heroes marched together to the city's heart.

"Hm...I don't know. I think maybe fight them into submission and then I tell them they can't exist with the normal laws of physics. Poof, they're gone."

"I think maybe you should disable their powers _before_ they kill us all?" Jen asked.

"I need a clear shot for that to work. Can't think straight if a flame's an inch from my face."

"Or if a bunch of wasps demons want after you!" Harold exclaimed, turning into a dromaeosaur-like blue thing holding wheels in its feet and running away. Everyone else turned around and gasped. The wasperfly swarm closed in...

And then suddenly turned into a bunch of Skittles, which rained harmlessly on the ground. "Owen, I'm not into you, but I love you _so much_ right now!" Sadie exclaimed.

"Rada rada, rada rada!" Jasmine agreed. Owen smiled bashfully.

A blue flame torched the candy into oblivion. "Ah, but that is not the least of your troubles," Alejandro smirked as the villains made themselves known. "Beardo, get them!"

"Well, okay then." Beardo lunged off a nearby skyscraper, making a Tarzan yell...only for Sammy to effortlessly snipe him with a well-placed belch, a blue pulse filling the air. Beardo fell, landing painfully on his back, right on top of Laurie, Miles, and Eva, taking all of them out, dissolving into blue light.

"Huh. Welp, we don't have to fight Eva now," Cody said. "'Twas beauty that killed the beast. And by beauty, I mean my boo."

"Awww," Sammy cooed.

"ATTAAAACK!" Josee roared, immediately killing the mood.

So they did.

* * *

 **Confessional – Eva (real world).  
**

"And so begins a fight I _really_ wish I could've been in," Eva sighed. "On the bright side, watching it was _extremely_ entertaining."  


* * *

Josee, for her troubles, was beaten over the head by Carrie with a pipe she'd made from her tail, which was slowly growing back. _"This – is – for – making – Devin – date – that – abusive – crabapple!"_ Devin noticed the fight and levitated over a massive boulder, which he dropped on Josee's head, killing her. "Thanks Devin!"

 _"Méi wèntí!"_

* * *

Sierra summoned a pipe wrench and used it to shatter Lindsay's gem and Jasmine's body. Sierra in turn was strangled to death by Tyler, who then shrank himself down to the size of a real harvest mite. He bit Duncan on the nose, while Geoff stabbed Duncan's eyes out. The Delinquent howled in pain, allowing Harold to return, now morphed into a giant four-eyed and four-armed red-skinned humanoid. He smashed the distracted fish-bug into nothingness.

"Thanks guys!" Harold said once the Klutzy Jock returned to full size. He gave them a double fistbump, which sent them flying. "Oops. Guess I like, don't know the strength of my own mad skillz."

* * *

 **Confessional – Tyler and Geoff.  
**

"I didn't die, but it still hurt like the Dickens."  


"Shyeah dude, some things never change." A pause. "How am I speaking without a mouth?"

"Bug magic, maybe?"

* * *

"You have caused confusion and delay!" Leshawna smirked. "Now go back home and think about what you've done!" She summoned her train form from the last VR challenge and it ran over Jo and Topher, eliminating both, before dissolving.

"I don't think everyone's here," Bridgette noted. "Where's Scarlett?"

"That's what everyone wants to know," "Geoff" said. He then entered her tank and killed her by slicing her into bits with his tiny sword. Jacques returned to his original form and laughed. "Ha ha ha HA!"

"That's impossible because it violates thermodynamics." Jacques exploded into blue and Noah smirked, then frowned. "Bridgette was right. Not everyone's here. Four Vultures are missing, and I bet they're building something that could let them win."

"Then I guess it's up to me to use my leaves to get the truth out," Emma sneered. "And I know _just_ who to look for."

* * *

"There!" Sanders said triumphantly. "I've trapped you!" Cody was stuck inside her belly screen.

"But he is still in there," Alejandro noted. "I believe you might want to destroy him." He produced a bottle of acetone.

"Isn't that stuff poisonous?"

"Are you not an alien who might be able to metabolize this?"

"Fair enough." Sanders drank it. She quickly screamed in pain as the acetone raced through her body before she disappeared...

Leaving a completely uninjured, but soaked and a little smelly, Cody. "Little known fact, bub," the Slick Geek smirked. "Toons are made of light, not film as that one movie would lead you to believe. We're pretty much invulnerable. And if we _are_ killed? We're brought back to life as soon as someone uses us in a story or an artwork."

 **"That's the First Law of Cartoon Physics,"** someone _very_ important explained from offscreen.

"Alejandro, our universe doesn't allow people to shoot fire from their hands!" Alejandro's form fizzled, but he stood his ground. As a mind demon from an alternate reality, he was tougher than the other villains were.

"Where's his mouth?" Owen asked. He picked up Taylor, removed her peel (causing her to screech in pain) and tried to jam her into him.

"Hey!" Alejandro snapped.

"Probably his eye," Cody said. Owen forced Taylor into Alejandro's eyelids and she immediately disappeared. "See?"

Emma pulled out a leaf from her shoulder and shoved it into his mouth-eye. He spluttered, but his pupil shrank to nothing and his sclera turned purple. "Where's everyone else?"

"Scarlett, Sugar, B, and Stephanie are working on a weapon to destroy you all," Alejandro said monotonously.

"He sounds like me," Ennui said, bemused.

"How funny," Crimson agreed. "Just when I thought this day couldn't get any better."

"Do you have a final three deal with the Ice Dancers?" Emma continued. "And did you use it to try and destabilize me?"

"Yes and yes."

"Are you compensating for something?"

"Yes."

"I TOLD YOU SO!" Heather cackled. Owen shut her up by turning her into a blueberry muffin, which Brick ate to everyone's applause. He then suddenly crapped a 500 yen coin, to everyone's disgust.

Noah looked at the coin and got an idea. "Emma, Owen, stay here. Justin, Shawn, come with me. I think I know how to win this."

"Skebby-do-dap-DAH, I am IN!" Shawn agreed.

"I'll put on my _tutu_ ," Justin said ominously.

Noah turned to his archnemesis. "Oh, and Alejandro? 'Dimension' means direction of motion, NOT alternate universe." Alejandro dissolved in blue.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro (real world).  
**

Alejandro roared in anger.

* * *

"Lightning, we gotta go after them!" Amy exclaimed. "If we don't stop Noah and his story-breaker power we're all gonna lose! And we DO NOT WANT TO LOSE to SAMEY'S team!" A pause, after which she _literally_ exploded. **"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!"**

"I gotta beat this pathetic chump into the ground first!" Lightning retorted as he clambered up a building. Cameron had just taken out Miles by being brave, and by having a missile launcher in his butt. He screamed and jumped at Cameron.

Cameron gulped, but collected himself quickly, and flew away. Lightning barely managed to keep himself from hitting the ground by grabbing onto a streetlight.

* * *

"This door's locked!" Shawn exclaimed.

"I can bend it open!" Justin replied.

"But it's wooden," Noah pointed out.

" _We_ know that, but this door looks pretty stupid." Justin bent the door in half; it didn't break. "C'mon!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.  
**

"I guess my power only works on villains. Huh."

* * *

Lightning and Cameron continued to fight.

If I had the patience to write it, I would. But I don't. So make your own adventure.

* * *

"Skabadabadabadoobelidabbelydabbladabbladabblababbelibabbelibabbelibabbelabbelodoobelidoo!" Shawn said to Stephanie.

"...What?" And then Justin whacked her over the head with a frying pan, eliminating her.

"Hey, Sugar!" Justin said, pulling out two more slime poops. One was red and the other was light purple with a glowing yellow core. "These will make you stronger!"

"All right!" Sugar ate the red one. She very quickly tripled in diameter and her pink flesh became redder, magma-like cracks forming in her. Then she ate the purple one. A light hummed into being inside her core, and antennae and wings sprouted from her body. But her internal light consumed her, warping her into a lumpy, oily gray monster with hollow eyes, sharp "teeth", and a rainbow-colored light taking the place of her insides. Noah arrived with a hose and sprayed her with it, destroying her.

"Justin?" Noah asked.

Justin chuckled and took out the yen, revealing he'd drilled a hole into it and tied a string to it. He put it into B, then pulled it out. B deposited a live grenade and the heroes ran away.

"Curse you, Noah the Scheming Cynic," Scarlett sighed.

The building exploded.

* * *

B flew out of the burning building and landed hard. Sam pulled out his blaster and covered him in gelatinous green polymer, destroying his inner workings and eliminating him.

"Nice going, Lightning!" Sky groaned to the fight above. "If you'd gone after them we could've stood a chance at evening our odds!"

"Sha-what?" It was the opportunity Cameron needed to piledrive Lightning into the street, weakening him. "Mike" then coughed up a bazooka and shot Lightning with it, eliminating him.

Zoey witnessed this. _Noah, are you okay?_ she asked telepathically.

* * *

From inside the safety of Justin's chest compartment, Noah groaned, rubbing his head. _Yeah, I'm fine. Justin's chest breaks the universe. Shawn's also alive._

 _Well, in that case, can I ask you about Mike? He's acting abnormally violent and ill-tempered._

 _I noticed that too. You're a telepath, so maybe you can see into his mind. If you want more info, ask Cameron, since they're foster brothers._

 _Okay. Thank you._

* * *

 _Mike's Mind_

"Why are we funny birds?" Svetlana asked as they reached another part of Mike's brain. All of them were Adelie penguins now.

"I guess today's challenge did that," Mike explained. "I _really_ hate missing out on the VR ones, they're usually a lot more creative than the regular ones." They stopped at a podium in front of a large number of chairs and a massive set of gates.

"This must represent Senator Tyra Erickson," Chester remarked. "Svet, can you read the instructions?"

" _Da._ Mike must give an epic speech about underwear to of all the people who hate him." Mike sighed and made an army of clones of his various enemies.

"Uh..."

 _Mike?_ Zoey's voice suddenly entered the room. _Are you okay? I'm really worried about you. So are the Misfits. Cameron. The interns. You haven't been yourself lately. If...if the real you is somewhere in there, I hope you come back. Please._

Mike stood taller, smiling in relief. "There ARE people who like me!" So he began his speech. "First order of business. Without underwear, our pants would chafe our butts."

* * *

 **Confessional – Mal.  
**

"I felt Zoey talking to me, but at the same time... _not_ me. Does she know? Is she the one after me?" He stopped and then laughed heavily. "No, that's ridiculous! Zoey's a stupid moron who's got barely any personality. She probably just had bad aim is all."  


* * *

Eventually, Ennui was defeated by Owen's pastrami attack, and the heroes finally won. Suddenly, they disappeared in a flash of blue light...

* * *

"And that wraps that up!" Chris said. "With Owen, Noah, Emma, Sam, Mike, Cameron, Zoey, Shawn, Cody, Sammy, Tyler, and Justin still standing, the Heroic Hamsters win!" They cheered. "Their prize? A free trip to an office supplies store to get paper, pencils, and coloring stuff to make their own comics should they so desire to!

"Now, Villainous Vultures. You had the bigger and meaner mascot, but you weren't as creative as the Hamsters were. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Villainous Vultures, you're getting arrested!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Topher.**

"Lightning, you clod! You shouldn't have let what Cameron said about not liking you dictate what you did for the entire _team_!" He wrote LIGHTNING on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"I wish I got to do more. Anywho, Alejandro says this is a good chance to get Sugar kicked out." He wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.**

"B shouldn't've dropped that grenade!" She wrote B on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Laurie.  
**

"Amy dissed my dreads a while back, and I hold a grudge." She wrote AMY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Close shot of twenty-five marshmallows, seven of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because drama, unlike crime, _always_ pays. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Taylor, Scarlett, Sierra, Duncan, Heather, Jacques, Josee, Ennui, Topher, MacArthur, Beardo, Laurie, Sky, Miles, Crimson, Stephanie, Ryan, and Sanders." They all got their marshmallows.

Once again, Chris pointed to four blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Eva, Alejandro, B, and Jo, these are yours." Jo cocked an eyebrow at Lightning, who sniggered.

Next, Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Amy has four."

"I guess this running gag DIDN'T die," Amy grumbled.

"And neither did our other one!" Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you've outlasted your welcome. Lightning. Sugar."

Both of them looked genuinely concerned.

"Lightning, you spent more time focused on fighting one person rather than being focused on fighting all of them. Sugar, you didn't do anything of use. And tonight we see that...

...

...

...

...

"I'm sorry Lightning, but you are gone with eleven votes against you."

Lightning paled. "Sha-WHAT?!"

"HA!" Jo howled in delight. "He's FINALLY gone!"

"You're welcome," Eva smirked. Jo laughed and fist-bumped the Iron Woman.

* * *

 **Confessional – Tyler.  
**

"Aw yeah! Team E-Scope is back in business!" He did a victory dance which ended when his foot ended up in the toilet. _"Ewwww!"_

* * *

"This might become our highest-rated VR challenge yet!" Chris stood behind the communal washrooms. "Thirty-five down. Forty-nine remain. Who'll be super and who'll be duped? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He leaned back against the washroom, in so doing causing a tiny icicle to break off its roof and fall down his shirt. He shrieked and frantically jittered around trying to get it out.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Taylor – Eva  
**

 ** ** **Scarlett – Lightning******

 ** **Sierra – Lightning  
****

 ** ** **Amy – Lightning  
******

 ** **Duncan – Sugar  
****

 ** ** ** **Heather – Sugar  
********

 ** ** ** **Alejandro – Sugar  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Jacques – Sugar**********

 ** ** ** ** ** **Josee – Sugar************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jo – Lightning  
**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Ennui – Amy  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Eva – Lightning  
********************

 **Topher – Lightning  
**

 ** **MacArthur – Lightning  
****

 **Beardo ** **– Lightning  
******

 ** ** ** **Laurie – Amy  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Sky – Lightning  
**********

 ** **Miles – Amy  
****

 **B ** **– Lightning  
******

 ** ** ** **Crimson – Amy  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Stephanie – Alejandro  
**********

 ** **Ryan – Sugar  
****

 **Sanders ** **– Lightning  
******

 ** ** ** **Sugar – B  
********

 ** ** ** ** **Lightning – Jo  
**********

 **Results: 11-6-4-1-1-1-1 Lightning-Sugar-Amy-Eva-Alejandro-B-Jo  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

 _Team E-Scope_

"With Lightning out of the way, there's one less person who'll primarily vote for the underdogs," Noah addressed his friends in an unused cabin the following day. "Good work to all of you! And let's give Cameron a warm thank-you for giving us a reason to vote for him!"

"YEAH!"

"Hey, Christmas is in three days!" Owen realized as they filed out. "Oh man, I don't even know what to ask Santa for!"

"Wasn't what Izzy did to you before she left a present enough?" Beardo chuckled.

Owen blushed nervously. "...maybe. What are _you_ looking for?"

"I dunno, maybe something I can record my sounds on. My family's not made of money, but I think I could help us out if I could publish my songs."

"That sounds wonderful!" Ella said. "I'm looking forward to a DVD copy of that new movie that came out last fall! I haven't gotten a chance to see it, but I've heard it's really good!"

As they chattered away, Mal sneered at them. "Pathetic. They're all so _happy_ it sickens me." He slunk off.


	46. 2-15: Jingle Smells

**Review time!**

 **Knight: That's six of them identified correctly!**

 **AngelMaster16: Thanks a bunch! I deliberately made Chris steadily more insane for the purpose of driving this plot forwards; his wife will follow that trend herself.  
**

 **Lara2244: Yep! Because Topher, like Garfield, is of a pretty gray morality.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I spent a _ton_ of time on research.**

 **Doctor Brain: Thanks!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! Prescott violent tendencies are partially genetic, partially environmental. Blaineley's gonna drag the eliminated back to school for Christmas because of course she would. I emailed him, but haven't had any reply yet.**

 **Full list:** ** **Owen (Wordgirl, The Butcher), Noah (Megamind), Emma (original design), Sam (Grossology, generic grossologist), Lindsay (Steven Universe, OC from another of my fanfics), Devin (Avatar, an airbending avatar), Mal (Penguins of Madagascar, mashup of all four main characters), Harold (Ben 10), Cameron (My Life as a Teenage Robot, Silver Shell), Zoey (Homestuck, generic burgundyblood troll), DJ (Team Fortress 2, Spy), Carrie (Bendy and the Ink Machine, Boris), Leshawna (Thomas and Friends, Sir Topham Hatt), Shawn (Scatman John), Jasmine (Chowder, Schnitzel), Cody (Animaniacs, Warner species), Sammy (Godzilla), Tyler (The Tick), Sadie (Bob the Builder, Muck), Brick (The Binding of Isaac, Blue Baby), Jen (How to Train your Dragon, Deadly Nadder), Ella (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, Sketchbook), Justin (Futurama, Bender), Geoff (Hollow Knight, Ghost), Bridgette (The Little Mermaid, a mermaid),**** **Taylor (The Annoying Orange), Scarlett (Phineas and Ferb, Doctor Doofenshmirtz's original name), Sierra (Yandere Simulator, Ayano Aishi), Amy (My Hero Academia, Katsuki Bakugo), Duncan (Kubo and the Two Strings, The Moon King), Heather (Overwatch, Widowmaker), Alejandro (Gravity Falls, Bill Cipher), Jacques (Backyardigans, Tyrone), Josee (Adventure Time, rainicorn), Jo (The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, yolka-dolkian), Ennui (Danny Phantom, Dark Danny), Eva (The Amazing World of Gumball, Rob), Topher (Garfield), MacArthur (Spongebob Squarepants, Squidward's hero persona), Beardo (King Kong), Laurie (Sesame Street, Grover), Sky (Kim Possible, Shego), Miles (Miraculous Ladybug, Horrificator (Mylene's akumatized form)), B (SCP Foundation, SCP-261), Crimson (Alien, xenomorph), Stephanie (Carmen Sandiego), Ryan (Monsters vs. Aliens, Gallaxhar), Sanders (Teletubbies, original blue design), Sugar (Slime Rancher, pink slime), and Lightning (Captain America).**

* * *

 _Sunday, December 24, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – crime, for once, paid! [Alejandro summoning the enormous pile of yen] Two teams, one of good and one of evil, duked it out in a big city! [Sammy killing Beardo] After quickly getting the hang of their unusual forms [Topher falling asleep], the Heroic Hamsters [Devin being upset about having to speak Chinese] and the Villainous Vultures [their meeting] had an epic battle! [Owen turning the wasperflies into Skittles] Because Lightning held a grudge [Lightning fighting Cameron], the Hamsters were able to stop Scarlett before she built a raygun that would facilitate their victory. [Justin getting B to drop a grenade] And because of that, Lightning got the boot. [Lightning's elimination]

"It's Christmas Eve but we don't take breaks here at Total Drama!" Chris said, lounging in his private quarters while wearing a Santa hat. "Forty-nine contestants remain. Who'll get the gift of eternal fame and who'll be lumped in with the coal? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from between the branches of a fir, scaring off a house wren. Another came from behind a rock, startling a white-footed mouse. The third broke through the ice, causing a grizzly bear to fall into the frozen lake.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

Jasmine and Shawn were decorating a balsam fir for a Christmas tree. It looked spectacular.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

Shawn reached into the ornament box and pulled out a zombie figurine. He shrieked and ran away. Jasmine glared at Sugar, who was laughing her head off.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out underneath a white pine. Their fighting disturbed the snow off the branches and onto their heads.

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen licked a red-and-white-striped candy cane, but the cold air froze his tongue to it. He shrugged it off and pulled it back into his mouth, leaving only a little bit of the candy sticking out of his lips.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Ryan and Stephanie had a snowball fight against Carrie and Devin.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef shoved a large branch into a wood-fired furnace. An image of Mal's face appeared in the flames, causing Chef to raise an eyebrow.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Bridgette and Zoey built an igloo together. Geoff crashed through it as he ran away from Duncan, who was chasing him with an icicle a foot long. The girls sighed, annoyed, and began to rebuild.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Noah and Emma headdesked to get the crappy carols playing over the loudspeakers out of their heads in time with the theme song.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Chris made the interns haul his sleigh. They didn't like it that much.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Suddenly, Chris was knocked off the sleigh by one of Jo's snowballs, allowing the interns to escape.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, Cody lowered a piece of mistletoe on a stick in front of Tyler and Lindsay, who kissed...and promptly fell down. Cody shrugged at the camera.

* * *

 _Villainous Vultures_

"It stinks that we didn't get a break from Chef's cooking when we lost," Stephanie groaned in their cabin.

"I believe that's because we only had two teams that time and the special dinner is the consolation for people who don't lose or win," Scarlett replied.

"Ah. Gotcha." A pause. "Scarl, do you think Alejandro's...up to something?"

"Perhaps. Why do you ask?"

"Because I don't want Ryan to be suckered. Cody told me that when Emma made Al spill the beans, he admitted to making a deal with Jacques and Josee to go to the final ten with them!"

"Yes, Brick told me the same."

"Think about it. Alejandro has been plotting and scheming this entire time right under our noses! If we don't stop him now, we'll never be able to stop him!"

"CAMPERS! Please report to the Drama Gym for today's challenge!" Chris' voice came from over the loudspeakers.

"I admit, your hypothesis _is_ compelling, but I suggest acquiring more data before we make our conclusion." She got up and began walking out.

"I wanted a holiday, not more of this show," Stephanie grumbled as she left as well.

"Oh, you'll get a holiday all right," Alejandro said to himself as he followed them from his hiding place. _"Permanente."_

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.  
**

"I cannot have Stephanie around for much longer. She will plant a seed of doubt in Ryan's mind and therefore jeopardize my alliance." _  
_

* * *

 **Confessional – Carrie.  
**

"Little does Mr. Snake know that _I've_ already planted it," she smirked, twirling one of her bangs in her fingers.

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Okay everyone! How well do you know the Bible?" Chris asked.

"People did creepy things with baby boys'–" Amy began.

"NO! Not what I meant by that at all! Get your mind out of the gutter!" He facepalmed. "Look, it says that if you want to go to Heaven and party with Yahweh for the rest of eternity, you have to be good. Which _means_ not sinning. _Especially_ not committing one of the Seven Deadly Sins."

"Chris, those were never in the Bible," Cameron interjected. "The Catholics came up with those centuries later."

"Oh. Huh. Well, anyway, I have broken you into seven teams of seven each, corresponding to a particular character flaw I think you have. You will be denoted by color-coded mittens I have on this table. Sammy, Brick, Carrie, Harold, Tyler, Scarlett, and Sierra, you are the Envious Eels! Your color is slimy green.

"Owen, Sugar, Geoff, Taylor, Jen, Lindsay, and Sam, you are the Gluttonous Geckos! Your color is grape purple."

"I thought you were gonna put me on it to make a crack 'bout my weight," Leshawna remarked.

"These are PERSONALITY traits, these sins."

"Right, right."

"Anyway, Heather, Jacques, Mike, Amy, Beardo, Sadie, and B, you are the Greedy Goats! Your color is straw yellow.

"Cody, Bridgette, Sky, Stephanie, Duncan, Ella, and Laurie, you are the Lustful Ladybugs! Your color is passion red.

"Alejandro, Miles, MacArthur, Jo, Topher, Justin, and Leshawna, you are the Prideful Pelicans! Your color is elegant chrome.

"Noah, Devin, Cameron, DJ, Sanders, Ennui, and Crimson, you are the Slothful Salamanders! Your color is sleepy blue. And to everyone else, you're the Wrathful Woodpeckers! Your color is fiery orange. Split into your teams, grab your new mittens, and follow me to the campfire!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah and Emma.  
**

"I get why you're Sloth and I'm Wrath," Emma said, "but some of these assignments don't make sense."  


"The Pelicans would be too big if it were accurate."

"Oh! Well _that_ explains everything."

* * *

 **Envious Eels: Sammy, Brick, Carrie, Harold, Tyler, Scarlett, and Sierra.**

 **Gluttonous Geckos: Owen, Sugar, Geoff, Taylor, Jen, Lindsay, and Sam.**

 **Greedy Goats: Heather, Jacques, Mike, Amy, Beardo, Sadie, and B.**

 **Lustful Ladybugs: Cody, Bridgette, Sky, Stephanie, Duncan, Ella, and Laurie.**

 **Prideful Pelicans: Alejandro, Miles, MacArthur, Jo, Topher, Justin, and Leshawna.**

 **Slothful Salamanders: Noah, Devin, Cameron, DJ, Sanders, Ennui, and Crimson.**

 **Wrathful Woodpeckers:** **Emma, Zoey, Shawn, Jasmine,** **Josee, Eva, and Ryan.  
**

* * *

 _More time later_

"See these?" Chris asked, pointing to one of the stumps. On it were twelve white plastic figurines, each a different shape. "These are the Twelve Days of Christmas, which today, being Christmas Eve, is the prelude to. Each figurine is shaped like something your true love would give you on that particular day." Closer inspection revealed their shapes: a pear, a dove, a chicken, a speech bubble, a ring, an egg, a swan, a milk carton, a pair of tap shoes, a guy jumping, a flute, and a drum.

"So we have to find the ones in our team's colors?" Geoff asked.

"Exactly! Each team has a set of these, but as Geoff ascertained, in your respective colors. The figurines were hidden in the various buildings on this island last night excluding the Mess Hall and the three cabins you were sleeping in. Your team must find _all_ of these before you begin part two. Whoever manages to complete the set first will be given an advantage! Whoever finds them _last_ , though, will be _dis_ advantaged! Good luck!"

* * *

 _Envious Eels  
_

"Yet another MacGuffin challenge," Sierra sighed. "On the plus side, spotting something green at this time of year should be easy."

"Provided he didn't hide it in a conifer," Harold remarked.

"Oh, yeah."

They spotted a green milk carton on top of a rock next to the pier. "Well, that's one down," Tyler said. He bent over to pick it up. When he stood up again, he saw something hanging to a pole above them: a scraggly lump of brown. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes indeed, that is _Arceuthobium pusillum_ , the eastern dwarf mistletoe," Scarlett confirmed. "There is a description underneath it; perhaps it is relevant to the challenge."

Sammy read off the blue card stapled to the pole. "'Found this and many more like it killing the spruce grove, but I didn't want to throw them out just yet. For each kiss on the mouth two of you maggots have, your team(s) will receive one bonus point, each successive new combination of couples adding another point. If you have a significant other already, or aren't willing to explore your sexuality just yet, just hug them. Or punch them in the shoulder, whichever one works for you. – Chef.'"

Silence.

"Well, this just got awkward," Carrie said. "We're all straight and five of us have people we're interested in." She deliberately left out who, but by now almost everyone knew she liked Devin and nodded thoughtfully.

"Five!" Brick exclaimed suddenly. "We can all high-five! That'll count for our score!"

"Chef doesn't seem to care about how we do it, so that could work!' Harold exclaimed. "Okay, there are seven of us. That means the number of new combinations is the triangular number of us minus one."

"Which gives us twenty-one bonus points!" Sierra grinned. "We should do this fast. So everyone line up in alphabetical order, then the person last in line will go down slapping everyone's hand until no one's left."

And that's exactly what they did.

* * *

 **Confessional – Chef.  
**

"Sierra's a pretty bright girl. When she's not obsessin' over boys, that is."

* * *

 _Prideful Pelicans_

"Found one!" Justin exclaimed in the VR room, removing a helmet from a pear.

"And there's another one behind the screen!" Topher added, coming out covered in dust and holding a flute.

"And...is that mistletoe hanging in the rafters?" Jo asked. "Because if so I am NOT kissing anyone in this room."

"I do not believe we have to," Alejandro said, having found the descriptor card. "Look at this."

After they all read it, MacArthur grinned deviously. "Alejandro? Be glad my arms don't require my glutes." She cracked her knuckles in anticipation.

* * *

 _Slothful Salamanders_

"Who should we vote for if we lose?" Sanders asked Noah as they rummaged through the seats in the theater.

"I don't know. I kinda like everyone on my team for once. Devin most likely to weaken the Guy's Alliance. Ennui and Crimson after that." He spied a clump of mistletoe hanging from the spotlight, and the card on a nearby seat. Putting two and two together, he said, "Speaking of. Hey, philosophers stony-faced!"

"Are you requesting us?" Ennui and Crimson said as they approached.

"Yeah. You guys are the only actual couple on our team and we might need some bonus points to stay alive." He handed them the card, then held out his fist for them to bump. "These count too."

Reading it, they nodded. They quickly returned his gesture and then held each other close, kissing lightly and softly.

"Awwww!" DJ sighed.

"It _is_ very cute," Cameron admitted. "I like it."

* * *

 _Gluttonous Geckos, Lustful Ladybugs_

"I cannot BELIEVE that we're both here," Taylor griped as both teams opened and closed cabinets in the communal washroom.

"Hey, random chance dictates that it had to have happened eventually," Cody shrugged. "Let's just agree to only take our own stuff." He picked up a red dove, leaving the purple one behind. "See?"

"The shower's alive!" Sugar shrieked. A clump of mistletoe hung from it.

"No, you doof, Chef's trying to mess with our heads!" Duncan snatched the card from one of the toilets and showed it to them.

"I am NOT kissing you," Bridgette grumbled.

"I shall, but on the cheek, since Sir Hatchet believes that all forms of love are equally worthy." Ella proceeded to kiss each of her teammates on the cheek. Noticeably, she wiped her mouth off after kissing Duncan's. Having found all the red figurines that they could find there, they left.

"That's six for them," Jen said, making a plan. "We need some of our own too. Owen, don't you and Izzy have an open relationship?"

"Yeah?"

"And don't you swing both ways?"

"That's more of a...recent development," he said sheepishly. "Izzy encourages free love, but...I'm still a little nervous about myself."

"Fair, fair. But that means she wouldn't mind seeing _me_ kiss you, right?"

"I guess so. Are _you_ single, though?"

"Yeah, I'm not really looking for anyone right now." They got close and quickly kissed, ending it as soon as they'd begun it. "See? That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"It was totes adorbs!" Lindsay exclaimed. "I'm gonna save mine for Tyson, er, Tyler, but I'm gonna give Owen a big ol' hug!" She glomped him.

"Me too, dudette!" Geoff agreed, doing the same.

"All aboard the Owen love train," Sam chuckled before joining them.

Taylor and Sugar gagged at the sight, while Jen just shook her head, smiling.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.  
**

"Wow, I...I've never felt this warm and tingly inside. It's further up than gas, so...wow, so many people I don't normally hang out with at school really like me." He smiled proudly. "And we got four bonus points out of it, too!"  


* * *

 _Wrathful Woodpeckers_

"That doesn't seem safe," Ryan remarked as he removed a jumping guy from inside a dryer in the laundry room.

"No it doesn't," Emma agreed. Then she spotted a clump of mistletoe on one of the air ducts and groaned. "Annnnd Chris is being a creep again."

"Actually it appears Chef's tryin' to give us a leg up, mate," Jasmine corrected, reading the card taped to it. "But I don't think any of us _can_ lip kiss on account of...prior engagements, pun not intended. I mean, we can all show affection _somehow_ , but kissing might give us...more points?"

"Shawn, you kiss Jasmine," Eva said suddenly, picking him up by his coat.

"Wha– HEY!" Shawn protested. "Me and Jasmine? Why me?!"

"Because you were on the same team on the wedding challenge and share more in common with each other than with anyone else."

"Oh. Right." He chuckled nervously. Eva set him down in Jasmine's arms and they kissed.

"Wow, crikey, you're good for a first-timer," Jasmine said, blushing a darker shade of brown.

"Y-you too."

* * *

 _Greedy Goats_

"Uh...high-fives, anyone?" Sadie asked nervously on seeing a mistletoe clump.

"Not in your wildest dreams," Heather scoffed. Amy and Jacques nodded in assent.

"Oh go grow a pair!" "Mike" said, high-fiving B. "We _need_ those extra points!" B noticed "Mike"'s agression and frowned.

* * *

 _Mike's Mind_

"Ayo!" Vito groaned from the top of a towering pedestal. "I'm better at walkin' up than I am walkin' down!"

"Then we need to act fast before Mal notices!" Mike exclaimed.

"How tall can you make clones?" Svetlana asked.

"Only about half that height, and not for very long," Mike replied. "Trust me, I tested my limits not long after I freed you."

"In that case, get someone who can go up that without falling off it!" Chester snapped.

"I don't have some _one_. I have some _two_!" Mike summoned a clone of Sky and another of Izzy. "Okay ladies, Operation Snatch the Bruiser is a go!" The clones nodded and scrambled up the pedestal.

"Don't worry, big guy," Mike called up to Vito. "Four more puzzles and we're taking back our mind!"

"I hope yer right," Vito grumbled.

* * *

 _Some time later_

"About time you showed up," Chris remarked as the Prideful Pelicans finally showed up.

"In our defense too many things on this island are gray," Jo retorted.

"Well, anyway, it's time to tally up your totals. Chef?"

Chef cleared his throat. "Gluttonous Geckos. You completed your collection first. That gives you fourteen points. In addition, you had four unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is eighteen.

"Slothful Salamanders. You completed your collection second. That gives you twelve points. In addition, you had three unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is fifteen.

"Wrathful Woodpeckers. You completed your collection third. That gives you ten points. In addition, you had one unique pairing of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is eleven.

"Lustful Ladybugs. You completed your collection midway down the line. That gives you eight points. In addition, you had six unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is fourteen.

"Greedy Goats. You completed your collection fifth. That gives you six points. In addition, you had three unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is nine.

"Envious Eels. You completed your collection sixth. That gives you four points. In addition, you had twenty-one unique pairings of affection, the highest number of bonus points possible. Your final score for this part of the challenge is twenty-five.

"Finally, there are the Prideful Pelicans. You completed your collection last. That gives you two points. In addition, you had eight unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is ten."

"Therefore, the Envious Eels win the advantage and the Greedy Goats get the disadvantage!" Chris announced. The Eels cheered while the Goats groaned. "But what will they be? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Now it's time to reveal the second part of today's challenge!

"Christmas began as numerous pagan holidays that medieval Christians stole and stitched together into one being a la Frankenstein. One of these pagan holidays was a Germanic number called Yule, and it involved putting gifts underneath a decorated tree, which has since become the most famous part of Christmas.

"That part is what we'll be doing! One randomly-assigned person on your team will put a figurine in a box, wrap it up, and repeat until all twelve are in their own boxes." He showed them a small box covered in white wrapping paper with glittery silver snowflakes printed on it, tied up with a black ribbon. "The remaining six will take the wrapped-up gifts, two per person, to their designated trees, which will be denoted with a color-coded star on its crown.

"The advantages and disadvantages will be twofold! Since the Envious Eels won, their wrapping paper will be pre-cut, and their trees will be the easiest to find: Canada yew! Since they're the shortest shrubs on the list, you'll find their stars at eye level!

"Greedy Goats, since you lost part one, you will not be allowed to use tape to hold your wrapping paper together. In addition, your trees will be American larches, which are unique among conifers because they shed their needles in the fall. Good luck distinguishing them from the _other_ leafless trees on the island.

"Everyone else can use tape but doesn't get pre-cut nets. Plus, their tree fare will be hard to find, but not too hard. Gluttonous Geckos, balsam fir. Slothful Salamanders, black spruce. Lustful Ladybugs, red pine. Wrathful Woodpeckers, eastern hemlock. And lastly, Prideful Pelicans, Virginian juniper. Good luck!"

* * *

The people wrapping the boxes were chosen by Eeny-Meeny-Miny-Mo: Harold, Sam, Amy, Stephanie, Justin, Crimson, and Josee.

The wrapping paper was also coded for each team. The Eels' was pine green with lighter green Christmas trees printed on it. The Geckos' was purple and covered in white polka-dots. The Goats' was golden with light yellow stripes. The Ladybugs' was a soft, calming red covered in silver speckles. The Pelicans' was gray with intricate silver swirls. The Salamanders' was cornflower blue with golden full moons printed on it. And lastly, the Woodpeckers' was orange with bronze stars printed on it. The ribbons for all teams were a uniform black.

* * *

Harold and Sam were doing quite well at this. "I guess playing all those videogames paid off!" Sam grinned. "My dexterity is _amazing_! I'll have all twelve of our boxes done in no time!"

"Ah, but _I_ have the pre-cut paper," Harold reminded him. "Whichever one of us wins will be determined by how fast our friends can find our trees."

"Right, of course. Well, good luck to you then!"

"You too!"

"Are you **_SERIOUSLY_** encouraging your own competition?" Josee asked crankily.

"Hey, Christmas is the season of good will towards everyone," Justin reminded her. "It wouldn't hurt to be nicer to us for once."

"Well, as you Ontarians say, bah humbug!"

"But I'm American..."

"Brick, I've got our first two done!" Harold exclaimed, handing them over to the Cadet.

"Thanks, friend! And I think I know what a yew looks like, so I'll find our trees lickety-split!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

Heather burst out laughing. "'Lickety-split'?! Who even _says_ that anymore?!"

* * *

Stephanie groaned. "Come on, you stupid paper!" Her wrapping paper was not cooperating and refused to fold flat. As a result, it was constantly popping up.

"Looks like you could use a hand," Cody said. "Can I help you?"

"Nope!" Chris grinned. " _Only_ the designated wrapper can touch the unfinished boxes."

"Worth a shot," Cody shrugged.

"At least you actually _got_ tape," Amy grumbled, haphazardly tying paper to one of her boxes using a ribbon. "Okay, I got two, now someone take these away from me before they fall apart."

"If I may," "Mike" offered. Amy handed him the boxes and he left.

"I don't remember Mike being so formal," Owen remarked.

"That's because he's not," Noah said gravely.

"What do you mean by that?" The smaller of the two gave the larger a silent, knowing look. "...Oh. ...Poop."

* * *

Mal secretly tailed Brick to a patch where three yew bushes stood, a green star on top of each. Brick put his boxes under one of them. "Oh boy, three in one place!" he said excitedly. "This'll make things _much_ easier!"

"Or will it?" Mal chuckled to himself after Brick departed. He snatched the star off of one and absconded with it to a bush much further away. He then noticed that he'd ended up right next to a barren tree with a yellow star on its crown. "One down, five to go."

* * *

 _Wrathful Woodpeckers_

"Let's see here," Jasmine said, inspecting the trees around her. " _Tsuga canadensis_ grow best in the shade, grow to about thirty meters tall, have brown bark with deep fissures, hardly ever fork, have yellow-green needles about two centimeters long..." She stopped and smiled. "And have a big blinkin' star right at the tippy-top." The tree in front of her had an orange star on its crown. She deposited her boxes. "Absolutely brilliant."

* * *

 _Envious Eels_

"Brick? I thought you said there were _three_ yew bushes with stars," Carrie said as she came back, confused.

"That's because there are!"

"But I only saw two..."

Scarlett thought. "Did any of them have bunched-up leaves?"

"Actually, yeah, one of them–" She froze. "Did we get sabotaged?"

"I guess so," Harold grimaced. "Someone must've taken a star off one and put it somewhere else. Could we like, penalize whoever did it if we figured out who?"

"Nope!" Chris replied, appearing behind him. Harold startled and ran, not paying attention to where he was going, headfirst into Leshawna's chest, causing her to blush awkwardly. "I never said you couldn't relocate another team's toppers! Although given how big most of your trees get, it'd only be realistic for setting the Eels back. Sorry!"

"He's right," Sierra murmured, "but I don't like it."

* * *

 _Gluttonous Geckos_

"Sam? Is there an easy way we can find our trees?" Taylor asked. "Because I am NOT going in there blind."

"We have balsam fir, right? They have a very distinct smell. If we find a tree that smells balsam-y, then we've got a better chance of finding one of ours."

"So what you're saying is that we have to sniff the trees," she deadpanned.

"Hey, Chris seems to put them close together, and an entire grove should smell pretty darn strong."

"The things I do for this show."

* * *

 _Slothful Salamanders_

"Black spruce...Chef mentioned that the mistletoe came off of spruce..." Devin spotted a conifer with big holes missing from it, a blue star on its crown. "Huh. I _was_ right about that."

* * *

 _Greedy Goats_

"I can't find a larch ANYWHERE!" Sadie exclaimed. "Are we gonna lose?!"

"No we are not!" Alejandro realized. "Five-Larch Point! I just remembered it existed! Come on, my friends, let's win this!"

* * *

Exactly as Alejandro predicted, the five naked trees on that hill all had stars. "And that's how we win," he smirked.

* * *

 **Confessional – Eva.  
**

"Oh, come ON! This freaking sucks!" she growled. "Chris practically _gave_ them the win! And people wonder why the Grinch hated this stupid holiday..."  


* * *

 _Cue montage._

Indeed, as the various other teams scoured the island for their respective plants, they unfortunately couldn't catch up to the Greedy Goats in time.

 _End montage._

* * *

"And that's the end of THAT!" Chris announced. "All eight-four gifts have been given, so let's see who placed where!"

"Is that really necessary? We _all_ know who won," MacArthur said, frowning at the Greedy Goats.

"Yeah, seriously man, what the heck?" Topher added.

"The larch population of this island isn't very high," Chris replied. "I had trouble finding _one_ that wasn't on Five-Larch Point! But yes, since they put down all of their presents first, the Greedy Goats win!

"On the flipside, though, the Lustful Ladybugs took the longest time to complete their task. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Lustful Ladybugs, someone's going home!

"The rest of you get a consolation prize – the chance for one person on your team to call someone at home! Choose them the same way you chose your wrappers and I'll get you guys some phones!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Jo.  
**

"I'm glad we didn't lose. But Eeny-Meeny-Miny-Mo is officially a _terrible_ way to decide things."  


* * *

 _Envious Eels_

"Hey Mom! Hey Dad!" Sammy said into the blocky, old-model cell phone. "Yeah, I know! I wasn't expecting to get this far either! You aren't mad that I have a boyfriend now, are you?" Beat. "Oh, thank goodness. Well, as soon as we're both home I'll introduce him to you. Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, could you send our hiking boots over? I mean, Amy's still in denial, but...I think we might be able to get through to her yet." Beat. "Bye!"

* * *

 _Gluttonous Geckos_

"Uh...hi, Izzy!" Owen said. "I miss you a lot!" Beat. "Oh, thanks! Um...before today's episode comes out, uh...I kinda kissed Jen...it was for part of the challenge and..." Some excited babbling on the other end made Owen flush. "That's uh, good to hear, I think? Listen, we're gonna try our best to last past the halfway mark, but it's not looking too good." He smiled. "Thanks! Love you too!" He hung up.

"So how'd it go with the wife?" Geoff teased.

"Great! Though I need to tell Jen something secret."

"Sure. What up?"

"Izzy..." And then he whispered something into her ear. Her pupils shrank and her cheeks went as red as her sweater.

"Um...I'll think about it," she said, shocked.

"Three guesses as to what exactly it was that Izzy requested, first two don't count," Noah snarked to Tyler.

Tyler nodded knowingly. "Wait...what did she request exactly?" Noah sighed and facepalmed.

* * *

 _Prideful Pelicans_

"Hey Jazz!" Leshawna said. "How're things?" Her jaw dropped. "For real, though?" She swallowed. "So...big crazy stuff is goin' on?" she asked, careful with her words. "Then I'll keep an eye out for anythin' too strange. Can't wait to see you again with the dough, though!" She hung up and as an extra precaution deleted the message.

* * *

 _Slothful Salamanders_

"Shelley? Oh, hi!" Devin said. His expression changed as the tone of the babbling grew hotter and hotter until it began screaming. He was forced to hold the phone a foot away from his face. When it simmered down again, he brought it back to his ear. "Oh...oh...okay." He hung up.

"What on Earth was that about?" DJ asked.

"Shelley's dumping me so she can date her tennis instructor, Ash. She says that it's because I'm an idiot."

"Doing stupid things is how we learn to be smart," Ennui said, resting his hand on the shorter boy's shoulder. "You shall learn from this and find someone more suited for your personality."

"Thanks. Though it's gonna be nice to not have her bossing me around anymore."

"That it will, my friend. That it will."

* * *

 _Wrathful Woodpeckers_

"KITTY! Oh, thank nonexistent God! I'm so sorry for being such a harpy!" Emma wailed into the phone. Beat. "Okay, okay, I'll cut back on the drama!" She laughed. "So everything's alright?" Her eyes widened. "A _boyfriend_?! Who?!" Beat. "Oh, just Junior then. Well, if he's not being weird to you like Chris is, then I guess that's okay with me." She blushed. " _Kitty!_ I'm not ready for _that_ just yet! But I'll make sure it airs when it does. See you!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.**

"This was one of those challenges where a lot of things could've been different," Bridgette remarked. "I don't really know who to choose." She wrote LAURIE on a piece of paper. "Or if my choice was right."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"I think Steph might be onto me an' Al." He wrote STEPHANIE on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Stephanie.**

"Sky's wicked flexible. I'd throw my back out trying to do what she does." She wrote SKY on a piece of paper. "Sorry girl, I respect your abilities, but they're gonna make it harder for me to win come the Final Ten."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Cody.  
**

"I don't like you." He wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper. "I really freakin' don't."  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Only two of the seven marshmallows _weren't_ colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to fill your stockings with drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Cody and Bridgette, a record low."

"So I guess most people just voted for one person?" Bridgette asked.

"Looks like it," Cody replied.

Then Chris pointed to four blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Laurie, Sky, and Ella, please take these from me." They did so.

"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Today, we don't have any. A pity too, it's one of the holiday colors." Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you've outlasted your welcome. Duncan. Stephanie."

They glared at each other.

"Duncan, you lusted after a girl not bound to you, and people recognize that as a character flaw. Stephanie, your overpowering desire to win has also been seen as a character flaw. One person has twice the other's votes...

...

...

...

...

"And that person is Stephanie!"

"Alright, fess up, who was it?" she asked.

"Uh...I didn't want you to someday go absolutely competition-freak rabid," Sky said slowly. "I mean, you're a lot more mature than you were in middle school, but still."

"I just needed to vote for someone," Duncan lied.

"Okay, that sounds alright. I'm just happy I get to see my folks in time for tomorrow."

"Not just yet! You've got an Aftermath to attend to tomorrow!" Chris interrupted, handing her the red marshmallow.

* * *

 **Confessional – Stephanie.  
**

"Right, the Aftermaths. How I look forward to talking to Chris' wife."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.  
**

"Well, this bites," Ryan sighed. "Does seem a little weird that Duncan voted for her though."  


* * *

"Then again, I think all of us agree that Duncan's weird." Chris stood underneath a spruce. "Thirty-six down. Forty-eight remain. Who's beginning to look a lot like our winner and who'll get abducted by Krampus? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

The star fell off one of the Lustful Ladybugs' trees and landed on his head. To add insult to injury, so did one last remaining clump of mistletoe.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Cody – Duncan  
**

 ** ** **Bridgette – Laurie******

 ** **Sky – Stephanie  
****

 ** ** **Duncan – Stephanie  
******

 ** **Stephanie – Sky  
****

 ** ** ** **Ella – Didn't vote  
********

 ** ** ** **Laurie – Ella********

 **Results: 2-1-1-1-1 Stephanie-Duncan-Laurie-Sky-Ella  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:  
**

"Chef, I gotta say dude, good job reusing the mistletoe," Chris said. "But wouldn't it have been _funnier_ if they _had_ to kiss on the mouth? All of them?"

"Nah, why random same-sex kissing is considered funny is a mystery to me," Chef shrugged. "B'sides, this way gave them more freedom to be creative with how they racked up points."

"If you say so."

After Chef left, Chris smirked to himself. He deliberately made the Greedy Goats' tree something easy to find. After all, Heather, Jacques, and Mal's antics were doing _wonders_ for the ratings.

But little did he know that what they were doing paled in comparison to the publicity that the Misfits were raking in, as every online forum and every video's comments section revealed.


	47. Aftermath VI

**Review time!**

 **EndeavorT: Hubris clouds one's judgement, so he's not going to catch on just yet.**

 **Knight: Interesting thought, I'm all for mythology gags. The problem is my pop-culture knowledge is limited.**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I actually acknowledged Zeke was the first of the original generation to go, as he was in canon. And truly feral Zeke is never gonna happen! (But Chris and Blaineley are gonna make him pretend to be a monster in Season Three because that's his worst fear.) Because Blaineley favors people like Shelley there won't be as much opportunity to talk about it, but there's gonna be criticism abound!**

* * *

 _Tom Hawkes, The Fashion Blogger.  
_

Tom tried to avoid another trigger button, but nevertheless more cardboard cutouts came. And _kept_ coming. "AUGH!"

 _Dawn Kavanagh, The Moonchild.  
_

"Sammy is correct," Dawn confirmed. "Amy's aura is not completely gone just yet."

 _Isabelle "Izzy" Daviau, The Psycho Hose Beast.  
_

"I found this flash drive inside my taco! I'm debating over whether or not to eat it," Izzy said.

 _Jay Hart, The Adversity Twin._

"I would, but I don't know where the off switch is," Jay groaned from the ground.

 _Rudolph "Lightning" Jackson_ _, The Conceited Athlete._

"I gotta beat this pathetic chump into the ground first!" Lightning retorted as he clambered up a building.

 _Stephanie Garrison, The Competition Freak._

Stephanie groaned. "Come on, you stupid paper!"

 _The next six contestants who've been eliminated have returned to their school. But while their ex-teammates celebrate Christmas or some other winter thingy–_

Topher facepalmed at the tacky sweater his mother sent him.

 _–we follow up on the losers. Where are they now? What are they up to? Will Blaineley prove to be as cold as the weather? This._

 _Is._

 _Aftermath: Total Drama Edition._

* * *

 _Theme music_

The screen opened and the viewer saw two clips, side-by-side, of Tom and Dawn walking, shot from the front view. Tom was on the left, Dawn on the right. The clips then wiped up to show Izzy and Jay in the same setup. It happened again, revealing Lightning and Stephanie. Then the clips wiped up entirely.

Kelly, Dwayne, and Gerry waved to the camera. Suddenly, a flat panel fell from the ceiling on top of them, crushing them underneath. Blaineley was sitting on the panel and waved to the camera.

A spotlight focused on a curtain. Two interns shakily held up a sign reading TOTAL DRAMA AFTERMATH V: BRING ON THE CRAZY. Then they fell over, the sign falling on top of them.

* * *

"Welcome to Total Drama's sixth aftermath!" Blaineley said to the camera. "Our next six eliminated contestants will be answering our questions from our judge's panel, and there will be some other fun stuff too! You already know the judges, so let's just get to it! Boy, did I miss doing the fifth one! But hey, you only get a Gemmy once!"

"I still stand by my opinion that Staci was a better host than you," Trent muttered.

"Our first eliminee is right in the middle of the pack. And true to form, is pretty average – Tom!" Tom came onstage.

"So, Tom, what do you think of the decorations here?" Dwayne asked.

"I don't like being at school on Christmas, and whoever designed these had NO taste."

"Hey, the student council worked hard on these!" Blaineley protested.

"As a member of the student council, I can confirm that most of us are dumb and therefore didn't," Courtney replied, earning some laughs.

"Shut up Courtney, can't you be autistic somewhere else?" Blaineley's response was met with a box to the head that knocked her onto the floor and unconscious.

"Thanks, Dakota," Courtney whimpered.

"Anytime," Dakota said reassuringly.

"Okay...that happened...uh, Tom, you said you and Jen are half-siblings, right? Is there a chance Mike's dad is yours as well?" Kelly asked.

"Nah, his face isn't the right shape. Besides, there can be more than one guy who sleeps around."

"Oh, right."

"If fashion doesn't work out for you, what career would you look for instead?" Gerry asked.

"Hm...maybe I'd be that guy in office supply stores who sells computers or something." He went into the audience.

"Uh...Blaineley's still out..." Rodney said cautiously.

"Then _you_ can introduce Dawn," Gerry said.

"I can?" The cameras turned to him. "I can! Hey there, friends! Our next guest is one of the most mysterious but kind people I've ever met – Dawn!" Dawn appeared behind Blaineley, who'd been regaining consciousness but freaked out and fainted.

"Well, at least you don't have to deal with her," Dwayne mused.

"Yes, convincing her to move me up into eleventh grade like I should've been from the beginning was hard work enough," Dawn frowned.

"Oh, you did that? How's it going for you?"

"Quite well. I don't feel like I'm behind anything, or too far ahead."

"Speaking of anything, how're things with you and Scott?" Kelly asked.

"I forgave him for his shortsightedness once I learned of it. His main problem was lack of proper education when he was young regarding people with different abilities."

* * *

 **Confessional – Scott.  
**

"Well, that and I can't _learn_ like I used to." He paused. "Was me bein' insensitive to different minds part of why Courtney and I broke up?" He shrugged. "Eh, I'll never know."  


* * *

"Dawn, you seem to have a lot of Wiccan vibes, yet you say you're agnostic. Care to explain?" Gerry asked.

"My parents were raised Wiccan but they let me choose my path. I don't have any proof, and I don't think we ever will, but I believe that the universe was born with a sort of...consciousness. I mostly say I have powers as a sort of in-joke."

"Very cool!" Dwayne complimented.

Blaineley finally recovered. "Urgh...why do I get all the weirdos..."

"Well, they're just gonna get even weirder!" Joseph said from behind a camera. "Please welcome – Izzy!"

"Hi!" Izzy appeared from on top of the camera and mushed her face into the lens. "This tastes slimy!"

"Ew," Joseph groaned after she got off and got into her seat, then began wiping off the lens.

"Wild child, huh?" Dwayne asked.

"Yep! I've got ADHD, mild schizophrenia, and a loose grasp of reality in general!" she grinned.

"Do your parents know?" Kelly asked.

"Roll the clip!"

 _"I know. Her parents were even worse. That's why she got fostered with Eva's family at a young age," Noah explained to Devin._

"Oh, wow," Gerry said, surprised. "Do you like it?"

"Indeedy do! I'm a little bit girlier than they're used to seeing that they're ex-military and all that, but Eva's the best foster sister I could ever hope for!"

"Awww," went the Peanut Gallery.

"Bleck," Blaineley grimaced. "And speaking of bleck, our next contestant was eliminated when he messed up one of the most _disgusting_ meals I've ever seen (seriously, how can someone as glorious as _moi_ be descended from people who ate _that_ LITERAL tripe?!) – Jay!"

Jay got onstage. As it had been with his brother, the chair broke as soon as he sat down.

"We're gonna run out of chairs if this keeps up," Rock noted.

"Oh!" Dwayne winced as Jay got up. "Are you okay?"

"I think," Jay groaned, rubbing his back. Phil replaced the chair.

"Anyway," Kelly said, "Jay. Did _you_ suspect Alejandro was sabotaging you before you got to see the episode?"

"In the back of my mind, yeah," he confirmed. "But I didn't think he'd go so far. Although...how long did it take for him to saw through my seat with a tiny little knife?"

"Depends on how cheap the tables were," Ellody snarked.

"You got booted before the heroes vs. villains challenge," Gerry said. "If you hadn't, what would your hero have been?"

"Hopefully invulnerable for the most part."

* * *

 **Confessional – Kitty.  
**

"He speaks for all of us there."

* * *

"Speaking of invulnerable, our next contestant managed to avoid elimination for over a third of the game, even though most people hated him!" Blaineley exclaimed. "Incredible, right?"

"But is it the _good_ kind of incredible, though?" Lorenzo asked.

"Put your hands in the air for – Lightning!"

"Sha-bam," Lightning said groggily as he slumped into his seat.

"You okay?" Dwayne asked.

"Forgot we had to get up so sha-early for school, even if it's not really school."

* * *

 **Confessional – Max.  
**

"Yes, because despite the _copious_ amounts of evidence that teenagers need large quantities of sleep, Blaineley REFUSES to push back the starting hour." He growled. "I hate it!"

* * *

"So, Lightning. You're one of the Athletes, what do you think about the Sky drama?" Kelly asked.

Lightning immediately bolted upright. "That they didn't tell her is a big sha-disgrace! Lightning knows better than to cheat at anything, _especially_ love."

"And I guess you don't condone Alejandro's actions, then?" Gerry asked.

"No sir I do not. 'Specially with what happened yesterday."

 _Previously unseen footage filled the screen. "So you voted for Stephanie?" Alejandro grinned._

 _"Yeah, he's gonna ignore that love stuff for sure now."_

 _"Ah, bromigo, you are such a help!"_

 _"I know, tough guy. I know."_

"Anyone else see what's going on?" Katie asked wryly.

"Not everyone's into that, Katie," Dawn replied gently. "Besides, there is no evidence that they are attracted to other males."

"And statistically it's just too unlikely anyway," Mary added.

"ANYWAY!" Blaineley interrupted. "We have one last chump before we go into today's challenges. So let's all welcome – Stephanie!" Stephanie came onstage and sat down.

"So, Leshawna mentioned that you and Ryan didn't always get along," Dwayne said. "Care to fill us in more?"

"Yeah, we were like, _super_ competitive when we were in elementary school," Stephanie chuckled. "But we grew out of it and realized that we're actually pretty good at working together, and then the hormones kicked in. So here we are."

"And _I'm_ glad it didn't devolve into something unhealthy," Kelly smiled. "Speaking of unhealthy, which challenge was the most physically painful for you?"

"Where do I even _begin_?" The Peanut Gallery laughed. "Probably being forced down a mine in a giant hamster ball, I remember my back being really sore that night. Plus, it let Mal out."

"Yes, him. Who do you think is the most likely to take him down?" Gerry asked.

"Noah's biding his time, but he's as snakelike as Alejandro. Only instead of being malicious, he's patient and waiting for the right moment to bite. Zoey's looking pretty good too; after all, if she _is_ falling for Mike then she's wont to bring him back and end Mal."

* * *

 **Confessional – Beth and Brady.  
**

"Love is truly a force to be reckoned with," Brady remarked.  


"Yeah, it is! And I hope we get Mike back soon, I miss my friend," Beth added sadly.

"Aw, don't worry, Beth! Someone's gonna stop him, you'll see."

* * *

"And that's all we have time for!" Blaineley turned to the camera. "What do I have in store? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Total Trivia: Forty of our eighty-four contestants are irreligious to some degree, making lack of belief the most common denomination. Which of the following contestants ARE believers?  
_

 _A. Sammy  
_

 _B. Gwen  
_

 _C. DJ_

 _D. Duncan_

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!  
_

* * *

 _Total Trivia: The correct answer is DJ. DJ's family are mild Muslims, favoring the peaceful parts of the religion over the ones calling for oppression of others; however, as Islam has no official winter holiday due to the fluctuating dates of its festivals, the Josephs celebrate Kwanzaa in place of Christmas.  
_

* * *

"And we're back!" Blaineley announced. "Here in Aftermath, our eliminated contestants are going to compete in challenges themselves. The team with the most points at the end will get to send one of the teams in the next episode of the show an advantage! Everyone break into your original seven teams." They did so.

"Maybe there being a lot of us _here_ won't be so bad after all," Trent remarked. "Unless, of course, saying that right now just jinxed us."

* * *

 **Red Robins: Dakota, Izzy, Kitty, and Junior.**

 **Orange Ocelots: Beth, Brady, Katie, Lorenzo, Mary, Scott, and Phil.**

 **Yellow Yaks: Stephanie, Anne Maria, and Lauren.**

 **Green Gators: Max, Rodney, and Zeke.**

 **Cyan Sharks: Gwen, Jazz, Trent, Ellody, Chet, Leonard, Tammy, Dawn, and Leshaniqua.**

 **Blue Beetles: Lightning, Mickey, Jay, Tom, and Dave.**

 **Purple Pigs: Courtney, Rock, Spud, Staci, and Brody.**

* * *

"For our first challenge, we will play an obscure piece of music! Whichever team correctly identifies first it wins the point!" She pulled out a mobile speaker and pressed play. Heavy piano music began to play, and a lot of the teens immediately looked uneasy.

"Oh, _no,_ " Anne Maria gagged. "It's dat song from dat nasty video!"

"Yes it is!" Blaineley grinned evilly. "But it has a name, for it was made _long_ before that Brazilian with bad taste got his hands on it! So what _is_ its name?"

Courtney snapped her fingers. "I _know_ this one! The guy who wrote it sued for misuse! This is Herve Roy's 'Lover's Theme'!"

"Correct! Looks like being obsessed with law paid off. Purple Pigs get the first point! Next!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Phil.  
**

"Hey, knowing law is actually pretty useful. It tells you what stupid things _not_ to do."  


* * *

"For our second challenge, we've got another thing Jamaica is famous for."

"Marijuana?" Junior snarked.

"Jerk seasoning!"

"So Lightning's deodorant, then?"

"Sha-what?"

Blaineley facepalmed. "Ugh! I mean the stuff they put onto meat! I have here some canisters of spice blends; only one of these is jerk seasoning. To win this challenge you must correctly identify which of the seven is jerk seasoning." The canisters were colored red, orange, yellow, yellow-orange, red-orange, dark red, and army green. "Begin!"

The canisters were passed around, and the kids eventually clustered around the ones they thought was the right one. The Orange Ocelots were the only ones to cluster around the yellow-orange one.

"The Orange Ocelots are correct!"

"How'd you figure that out?" Brody asked, impressed.

"Jerk seasoning is made of garlic powder, cayenne pepper, onion powder, thyme, parsley, sugar, salt, paprika, allspice, black pepper, red pepper, nutmeg, and cinnamon," Mary explained. "We just looked around for the one that smelled like all of them."

"Next!

* * *

"For our third challenge, you must find the one word in this entire book that I highlighted in red marker!" Izzy immediately flipped through the copy of 1Q84 and pointed enthusiastically to a red-clad "the". Blaineley sighed. "Never mind, Red Robins get the point. Now it's time for... **The Trial by Lustblossom!** Except for Lightning, he's immune." The most recently-eliminated six, rather than last twelve, gathered together.

"Oh dear," Dawn said calmly. The cannons came down and sprayed. "DJ is attractive."

"Wow, Dawn's tougher than she looks!" Scott said. "I really do take back what I've said, she's _awesome_!" Blaineley smacked him on the back of the head, knocking him out.

Izzy vibrated uncontrollably. "I can't decide!" she exclaimed. "But Owen's the best of my decisions!" She fainted, drooling.

"Can someone get us some smelling salts or whatever?" Leshaniqua asked the camera.

* * *

 **Confessional – Dave.  
**

"Whew! I'm so glad she forgot to check if _we_ did it!"

* * *

"In our fourth challenge, the tomato lava's back! After all, Iceland's a volcanic island. Whoever can jump over the pit successfully gets the point." Everyone gulped as they stared at the massive puddle, remembering what it did to Owen's tongue and Spud's feet.

Well, almost everyone gulped.

"Screw you, Blaineley!" Gwen roared as she charged the pit of tomato soup before leaping over it, landing on her feet. Off to the side, Courtney visibly blushed.

"Since the rest of you are apparently cowards, the Cyan Sharks get the point! Next!

* * *

"In our fifth challenge, whoever can handcuff Gerry first wins!"

"Why did I sign up for this job?" Gerry sighed. Nevertheless, he produced his racket and used it to swat away offending teens.

Jay and Mickey remembered their talent and deliberately fell on him, allowing Lightning to cuff the old man.

"Blue Beetles get the point! Next!"

"Hey, maybe you two dorks aren't so sha-bad after all," Lightning realized.

* * *

"In our sixth and final challenge, just in time for Christmas, snowman building! Whoever can build the snowman most closely resembling Lady Gaga first wins!"

"It will be an honor to make the likeness of such a wonderful artist," Spud bowed.

* * *

 _Some time later, outside_

"...but then again, the snow might have its own taste in music," he sighed. His team's snowman wasn't holding up so well due to the powdery consistency of the snow.

"Okay...the Red Robins' didn't collapse into a pile of dust, so they win!" Blaineley announced. "How'd you do it?"

"Saliva!" Izzy grinned, hacking a loogie to demonstrate.

"Hey, you didn't say we couldn't use our own fluids," Kitty shrugged.

Blaineley shuddered. "You Misfits disgust me. Anyhow, the Red Robins win the advantage! What is it? A metal detector! As for the Yellow Yaks and Green Gators, you guys get disadvantaged because you couldn't score any points: your teams DON'T get a map of the island!"

"What kind of challenge are you planning?" Scott asked.

"That's for you guys to find out. Now it's time to look at some of Total Drama's Funniest Moments!

* * *

"Harold is the _last_ person you need to be super-strong."

 _Harold gave Geoff and Tyler a double fistbump, which sent them flying._

"At least now we know one of Amy's [k word]s."

 _Amy botching the Icelandic phrase, much to her horror._

"Pump it!"

 _Sky poked at the piston. It suddenly fired, causing everyone, including the cat, to jump._

"What kind of lady wants _that_ tramp?"

 _Tyler stepped on a button and a cardboard cutout whipped out and whapped him on the butt._

"It's always those darn child-proof caps, isn't it?"

 _Lindsay took the case of flashlights from Izzy before struggling to open it._

"True art is incomprehensible. Just like Spanish."

 _The angry thespian._

"Does Jen gay?"

 _Owen whispered something into Jen's ear. Her pupils shrank and her cheeks went as red as her sweater._

"Baby, all Harold wants for Christmas, is your boobs~"

 _Harold startled and ran, not paying attention to where he was going, headfirst into Leshawna's chest, causing her to blush awkwardly._

* * *

"And now, for our final part of the Aftermath, we will have you guys root for someone still in the game," Blaineley said to the most-recently eliminated contestants. "At the end of the show, we'll tally the votes, and whoever has the most supporters will receive a prize! As for the person who gets the most votes against them by the end of the show, they will get a punishment of my own creation, befitting of Total Drama's least popular contestant. Go to the confessionals and vote now."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Tom.**

"Jen's got my vote, that's for sure. Stay strong, my beloved sister of the same mister!"  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Dawn.  
**

"DJ's aura suggests he might benefit from the catharsis of finally beating the traps Chris has set."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Izzy.**

"Of course Owen deserves to win! He did it in a past life once, he can do it again!"  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Jay.**

"I had trouble figuring out who to put my vote in for, but I eventually went with Noah. Out of all of us, he stands the greatest chance at outsmarting everyone else."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Lightning.**

"Now that B can sha-talk, he's gonna go a lot farther than Lightning did."  


* * *

 **Confessional** **– Stephanie.**

"Ryan, but sweetie, you _gotta_ stop listening to Alejandro!"  


* * *

"And that's the end of that," Blaineley said. "Tune in after Challenge 42 for the seventh Aftermath."

The bell rang.

"And that's the end of that. Now go home!"

"Finally," Gwen grumbled as everyone left.

* * *

 **Votes against:**

 **Owen – 3**

 **Dakota – 7 (Eliminated 7th by immunity idol)**

 **B – 2  
**

 **Noah – 9  
**

 **Cody – 1  
**

 **Ella – 4  
**

 **Izzy – 5 (Eliminated 33rd by rigged votes)  
**

 **Emma – 1**

 **Kitty – 6 (Eliminated 27th by rigged tiebreaker)  
**

 **Junior – 12 (Eliminated 17th)**

 **Sierra – 5  
**

 **Topher – 0**

 **Beth – 6 (Eliminated 19th)**

 **Brady – 8 (Eliminated 23rd)**

 **Justin – 0**

 **Katie – 6 (Eliminated 25th)  
**

 **Sadie – 0**

 **Lorenzo – 5 (Eliminated 24th by tiebreaker)**

 **Mary – 8 (Eliminated 16th)**

 **Brick – 0**

 **Ennui – 5**

 **Crimson – 2**

 **Scott – 35 (Eliminated 21st)**

 **Phil – 2 (Eliminated 8th by rigged votes)**

 **Heather – 40  
**

 **Lindsay – 2**

 **Taylor – 8**

 **Alejandro – 38  
**

 **Devin – 4  
**

 **Carrie – 0**

 **Ryan – 0**

 **Stephanie – 2 (Eliminated 36th)  
**

 **Miles – 2  
**

 **Laurie – 2  
**

 **Anne Maria – 12 (Eliminated 12th)**

 **Lauren – 4 (Eliminated 22nd)**

 **Cameron – 0**

 **Mike – 1  
**

 **Eva – 3  
**

 **DJ – 2  
**

 **Sam – 0**

 **Scarlett – 4  
**

 **Max – 7 (Eliminated 15th)**

 **Rodney – 11 (Eliminated 11th by rigged tiebreaker)**

 **Zeke – 8 (Eliminated 18th by rigged tiebreaker)**

 **Sugar – 64  
**

 **Sanders – 0**

 **MacArthur – 0**

 **Zoey – 1**

 **Gwen – 14 (Eliminated 28th)  
**

 **Leshawna – 0**

 **Jazz – 1 (Eliminated 14th by rigged votes)**

 **Trent – 12 (Eliminated 26th)  
**

 **Harold – 2**

 **Ellody – 15 (Eliminated 9th)**

 **Chet – 11 (Eliminated 6th)**

 **Leonard – 13 (Eliminated 2nd)**

 **Tammy – 14 (Eliminated 3rd)**

 **Dawn – 5 (Eliminated 32nd by rigged tiebreaker)  
**

 **Leshaniqua – 5 (Eliminated 4th)**

 **Shawn – 0**

 **Lightning – 30 (Eliminated 35th)  
**

 **Jo – 12  
**

 **Amy – 36  
**

 **Sammy – 2  
**

 **Jasmine – 0**

 **Sky – 6  
**

 **Mickey – 3 (Eliminated 13th)**

 **Jay – 8 (Eliminated 34th)  
**

 **Tom – 9 (Eliminated 31st)  
**

 **Jen – 0**

 **Dave – 4 (Eliminated 29th)  
**

 **Geoff – 0**

 **Bridgette – 0**

 **Courtney – 13 (Eliminated 30th)  
**

 **Duncan – 19**

 **Tyler – 0**

 **Rock – 7 (Eliminated 10th)**

 **Spud – 8 (Eliminated 5th)**

 **Staci – 6 (Eliminated 1st)**

 **Beardo – 0**

 **Jacques – 19  
**

 **Josee – 29**

 **Brody – 6 (Eliminated 20th)**

 **Votes for Winner:**

 **Owen – Izzy (1)  
**

 **Dakota – N/A**

 **B – Lightning (1)  
**

 **Noah – Zeke, Jay (2)**

 **Cody – Rodney (1)**

 **Ella – Leonard, Tammy (2)**

 **Izzy – N/A**

 **Emma – Kitty, Courtney (2)  
**

 **Kitty – N/A**

 **Junior – N/A**

 **Sierra – None**

 **Topher – None**

 **Beth – N/A**

 **Brady – N/A**

 **Justin – Lauren (1)**

 **Katie – N/A**

 **Sadie – Dakota, Katie (2)**

 **Lorenzo – Mary (1)**

 **Mary – Ellody (1)**

 **Brick – None**

 **Ennui – Lorenzo (1)**

 **Crimson – None**

 **Scott – N/A**

 **Phil – N/A**

 **Heather – None**

 **Lindsay – Beth (1)**

 **Taylor – Anne Maria (1)**

 **Alejandro – None**

 **Devin – Junior (1)**

 **Carrie – None**

 **Ryan – Stephanie (1)  
**

 **Stephanie – None**

 **Miles – None**

 **Laurie – None**

 **Anne Maria – N/A**

 **Lauren – N/A**

 **Cameron – None**

 **Mike – None**

 **Eva – None**

 **DJ – Brady, Dawn (2)**

 **Sam – None**

 **Scarlett – Max (1)**

 **Max – N/A**

 **Rodney – N/A**

 **Zeke – N/A**

 **Sugar – None**

 **Sanders – None**

 **MacArthur – None**

 **Zoey – None**

 **Gwen – N/A**

 **Leshawna – Leshaniqua, Jazz (2)**

 **Jazz – N/A**

 **Trent – N/A**

 **Harold – Trent (1)  
**

 **Ellody – Chet (1)**

 **Chet – N/A**

 **Leonard – N/A**

 **Tammy – N/A**

 **Dawn – N/A**

 **Leshaniqua – N/A**

 **Shawn – None**

 **Lightning – N/A**

 **Jo – None**

 **Amy – None**

 **Sammy – Gwen (1)  
**

 **Jasmine – None**

 **Sky – Dave (1)  
**

 **Mickey – N/A**

 **Jay – Mickey (1)**

 **Tom – N/A**

 **Jen – Tom (1)  
**

 **Dave – N/A**

 **Geoff – Brody (1)**

 **Bridgette – Staci (1)**

 **Courtney – Scott (1)**

 **Duncan – None  
**

 **Tyler – Phil (1)**

 **Rock – Spud (1)**

 **Spud – N/A**

 **Staci – N/A**

 **Beardo – None**

 **Jacques – None**

 **Josee – None**

 **Brody – Rock (1)**

* * *

 **After the Aftermath:**

Don sighed. "Another year's about to bite the dust, and Chris is still at large."

"Sweetie, there was no way you could've known this was going to happen," Don's wife Liana, a tall red-haired woman with silver eyes, said gently. "But if you didn't, then Chris would've hurt a lot more people then he has." She paused. "Does Noah know?"

"Of course _he_ knows," Don scoffed. "He's the brightest student I've ever had in my advisory. And I can tell that he _wants_ to do something, but he knows that he has to play the game."

They looked out their window into the night sky.

"...He's got my vote for the win, that's for sure."

"Mine as well. If anyone's going to take the McLeans down once and for all, it's him."


	48. 2-16: Seek and Ye Shall Find

**Review time!**

 **Guest: No, that's...I've said multiple times that the merge won't happen until the Final _Ten_. Pay attention!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! And you're our 200th review! (Chronologically, since for some dumb the site takes too long to load guest reviews nowadays).**

 **Doctor Brain: Then you're gonna _love_ the series finale!**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks for catching that! It's fixed now.**

 **We now have 50+ favorites for this piece! Thank you victoriagp2222 for pushing us over the edge there!**

 **AND WE FINALLY GOT NOTICED BY TVTROPES-SENPAI!**

* * *

 _Wednesday, December 27, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we dashed through the snow! [Brick running] And once more, Mal got away! [Mal relocating one of the green stars] So many thrills, you know! [Josee growling at Sam and Harold] Just what _did_ Shelley say? [Shelley breaking up with Devin] Smells were tingling [Taylor complaining about having to smell the trees] and the mistletoe gave them frights. [Jasmine kissing Shawn] And thanks to Alejandro, that was Stephanie's last night! [Stephanie's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Forty-eight contestants remain. Who'll find what they're looking for and who won't? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

"Zoey? What did you want to know?" Cameron asked. He and Zoey were in the VR room.

"Tell me everything you know about Mike. I think he's not himself and I don't want him to find out."

Cameron's eyes widened. "Then I guess I'd better start." They sat down and Cameron began:

"Mike, as you know, was born from a one-night stand. His birth mother and stepfather didn't appreciate that and often abused him, causing him to develop his personalities as ways of working around his frustrations with his own limitations. Eventually Child Services found out and took him away, and he ended up being fostered with my family when we were about to enter fourth grade.

"But Mike's personalities didn't make things easy whenever they were triggered. It came to a head during a school dance in seventh grade, when Mike was so overwhelmed that all nine of his alternates came out at once. Some unintelligent mother freaked out, not knowing about Mike's condition, and called the cops on him. The cops didn't know what DID was either, so they sent him to juvenile detention."

"That's horrible!" Zoey exclaimed.

"It was. He was bullied a lot during his time there. One day, someone punched him in the face, knocking him out. When he woke up again, there was a new personality in control of his body. The combination of the best traits of all ten of his selves. Smart. Strong. Manipulative."

"Mal?"

"He didn't have a name at the time. But he was invaluable. Any time Mike was hit on the head by a bully or a teacher, Mal came out and fought them off. Eventually, my mom and I got Mike released and returned home. Theoretically, Mal wouldn't be needed again unless Mike was in a life-or-death situation. But he refused to leave.

"He'd grown megalomaniacal during his time in juvie, and he wanted to become Mike's _only_ self and take over the world. That's when he took on his name, a shortened version of 'The Malevolent One'. The other personalities wouldn't stand for that, so they fought him off as best they could."

"You mentioned...he had _nine_ alternate selves?"

"He did, he had an additional five personalities in those days. Sir Cornwall Balderdash, the English gentleman triggered when Mike had to be excessively formal. Senator Tyra Erickson, triggered when Mike had to make a speech in front of over fifty people. Lord Dawggo, the rapper triggered when Mike took off his belt during a formal event. Phylla Grasshead, the farmgirl triggered whenever Mike wore plaid. And lastly, Ruqa Sadako, the geisha triggered when Mike put on a kimono.

"Mal killed them all in cold blood. Eventually, Mike had me zap him with a taser someone had stolen and left in our backyard. The shock was enough to confuse Mal for a timeframe of sufficient length for the five surviving personas to trap him in the core of their collective brain. After this, they promised to not come out as much to prevent something like that from ever happening again."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Hey everyone! How'd you find your holidays?" Chris asked.

"About as mediocre as ever," Sky shrugged.

"And speaking of finding, my Gilded Chris awards went missing yesterday! Luckily, I have you guys to find them for me!"

Beardo made a cartoon shock noise in sarcasm.

"Break into your original seven teams!" They did so. "Somewhere on this island is the Chest of Untold Secrets, which now has untold _wonders_ inside of it! Since the Red Robins won the Aftermath they get a metal detector! Since their teams _lost_ the Aftermath, the Yellow Yaks and the Green Gators won't get a map of the island!" He handed the maps to the other five teams, then hefted a boxed metal detector over to Cody, who struggled to carry the large object. "Whichever team can recover them first wins!"

"But how do we determine who loses?" Geoff asked.

Chris paled. "Uh..."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Heather.**

"Unbelievable! He didn't even _think_ through today's challenge!" She sighed. "If there was _one_ thing Gwen and I could agree on, it's that Chris _sucks_. And _not_ in the good way."  


* * *

 **Red Robins: Owen, B, Noah, Cody, Ella, Emma, Sierra, and Topher.**

 **Orange Ocelots: Justin, Sadie, Brick, Ennui, and Crimson.**

 **Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Ryan, Miles, and Laurie.**

 **Green Gators: Cameron, Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.**

 **Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Leshawna, and Harold.**

 **Blue Beetles: Shawn, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine, Sky, and Jen.**

 **Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Duncan, Tyler, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee.**

* * *

 _Some time later_

 _Cyan Sharks_

"Okay guys, we gotta figure this out fast. We don't wanna be the first team out," Leshawna said. Only three of them had made it this far into the game.

"Unfortunately, given how obscure cyan is as a distinct color, that's like, quite likely," Harold sighed.

"Hey, wait a minute," Zoey realized. "Didn't we first have to look for Gilded Chris' in the mine?"

"Of course!" the Dweeb realized. "That's _so_ a likely place for Chris to hide them in! Gosh, I wish I'd thought of that."

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

The Yellow Yaks had had the same idea, and approached the spot where the doors to the mine were. To their surprise, it was roped off with yellow tape. Simon was working on it.

"Is everything...okay?" Miles asked.

"The doors malfunctioned and now they won't open," Simon grunted. "Sorry kids, but you'll have to look elsewhere until I get this fixed."

"How long have they been like that?" Alejandro asked, putting two and two together to make four (Quick maths! ...No, wait, that meme's dumb. NYKUS, IN MY OFFICE!).

"Since last Friday."

Alejandro counted on his fingers. "So for the past five days, then. Therefore Chris didn't have a chance to hide the trophies inside the mine."

"And that means we can cross that location off the list," Carrie nodded. "Good thing we already memorized where everything is."

"Good thing indeed," Ryan agreed. "We'd be here all day otherwise."

* * *

 _Red Robins_

 _That should do_ it, B said. The fully-assembled metal detector stood before them.

"Let's see what the instruction manual says, shall we?" Emma asked. She picked up the pamphlet it came with. "Okay, so this can be calibrated to certain metals, including the one used to make the chest's frames."

"I was gonna ask if we were gonna use it on the statues but then I remembered they were in the chest," Owen mentioned.

"That, and they're plastic and last I checked, carbon wasn't a metal," Noah remarked.

"But what about the metal in the paint?" Ella asked.

"Gold paint mostly doesn't _have_ actual gold in it," Cody explained. "Just little bits of yellow that trick your eyes. Anywho, which of us should carry it?"

"Depends. Which one of us knows how to use a metal detector?" Noah asked. A pause. "Oh."

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Noah.**

"I'm not as averse to labor as I was before. It still hurts like crap, but still."  


* * *

 _Green Gators_

"I have located a splinter of the Chest of Untold Secrets from the location it is typically stored in," Scarlett explained, holding up a plastic bag with a single splinter in it. "By getting a lock on its exact chemical signature using this," she held up a PDA-like device, "we shall find the location where it is hidden."

"Should we go get supplies?" Eva asked.

"Yes, for I need the following ingredients." She handed the rest of her team copies of the same list of parts. "I need these for a new power cell; the one I was planning to use was destroyed."

"By what?" Sanders asked.

"A..." She faltered, hesitant. "...hairless squirrel. With laser vision."

"I _hate_ those things," MacArthur growled sympathetically.

The team dispersed. "Hey, Mike, mind if I come with you?" Cameron asked.

"Oh, not at all, buddy," "Mike" said. Cameron walked ahead, oblivious to Mal scowling at his back.

* * *

 **Confessional** **– Mal.**

Mal groaned. "Cameron knows too much about me. I need to take him out _now_. But _how_?"

He pondered this for a moment. "Well, an immunity idol would be best, seeing that that'd take me into Season Three, but...that's not _enough_ of a punishment for that undeserving immunodeficient twig!"

An evil grin suddenly came to his face. "Yes...I'll _hurt_ him..." And he cackled madly.

"I _love_ this show."

* * *

 _Mike's mind_

"So what is puzzle now?" Svetlana asked. The four personas stood in front of a stage. Off to the side was a blank screen.

"Looks like some sorta musical thingy," Vito replied. He walked up to the screen and read its instructions. "'To win this you must beatbox a song that will unlock the door behind the stage. You will need at least ten people to pull it off.'" He grimaced. "But we only got four people here!"

"Mike can make clones of his friends, nincompoop!" Chester barked.

"It's true," Mike said. "And I know just who to make, too." He summoned copies of the Drama Brothers, Beardo, Ella, Gwen, Courtney, Leshawna, and Jazz. Mike's personalities joined them, and they performed an awesome piece, the soundwaves coming on in color on the blank screen.

Unfortunately, there aren't enough letters in the English alphabet to write down their sounds with, so you'll just have to imagine it yourself.

But it worked, and the back of the stage opened. Mike dissipated his clones and breathed a sigh of relief. "Lord Dawggo would be proud."

"Ayo, he so would," Vito agreed. "He so would."

* * *

 _Purple Pigs_

Back in the real world, the Purple Pigs searched the Mess Hall. "Hey Chef, do you know where Chris would likely hide the chest?" Geoff asked.

"Nope," Chef grunted. "But knowing him, possibly the last place you maggots would look inside."

"But there are seven of us," Jacques pointed out.

"Maybe that means we should _all_ come up with a place we'd look last in," Bridgette suggested.

"Eh, it's better than nothin'. C'mon, let's search the cabins," Duncan shrugged. "The last place _I'd_ look? Under my bed."

* * *

"But will their search bear fruit?" Chris asked. "Probably not, since it's the middle of winter. Find out more after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "While you were away, Mal was up to something. Let's see exactly _what_ , shall we?"

* * *

 _Green Gators_

"Oh, why hello there boys," Scarlett said as "Mike" and Cameron entered Scarlett's room in one of the cabins. "Did you find the elemental carbon I need for the cell's anode?"

"One big bag of broken pencils and pencil shavings, as requested!" Cameron grinned, dropping a bag of the stuff in front of her.

"Excellent! Now, Cameron, could you help me make this? With Max eliminated you're the next-smartest person on the team after myself."

"I would! I'd really like that."

As soon as they left, Mal snuck over to the bag where the splinter was. He took it out and switched it with a fragment of pencil.

* * *

 **Confessional – Mal.**

"This way, the tracker will focus on the pencils scattered throughout the island and not the chest. Scarlett and Cameron will be blamed for not keeping their workplace tidy. Getting either out would be good, but I'm interested in _Cameron_ specifically. Now all I need to do is get him injured somehow..."  


* * *

 _Blue Beetles_

"Samey, honestly, you should've listened when I said we weren't gonna find anything in there," Amy growled as they left the shed where the boats were stored when not at the dock.

"Amy, we had no way of knowing whether or not you were right or wrong," Jasmine snapped.

"Yeah, we didn't know until we went and looked," Sky added. "And now that we _do_ , we can go somewhere else." Amy sighed and stormed away, her team begrudgingly following.

"Sheesh, what's her problem?" Jen asked Sammy.

"I wish I knew, Jen. But us fighting physically is...a lot rarer than people seem to think it is. Mostly she just tells me I'm dumb and mouths off a lot. Still," Sammy sighed, "I wished she wouldn't. And things were...so much better when we were little..."

Jen suddenly had a realization.

* * *

 **Confessional – Jen.**

"Mr. Prescott, their birth father, died when they were little kids. So what if Amy subconsciously blames her sister for her dad's death and that's why she hates her so much? I'm not Dawn, but it's definitely something worth looking into."  


* * *

 _Red Robins_

"...how much shrapnel is _on_ this island?" Noah groaned as Owen hefted yet another piece of sheet metal aside.

"Given how hasty the US left the island when it was declared unsafe, probably a lot," Emma replied. "Are we _sure_ iron was the right metal to calibrate the metal detector to?"

"Well, yeah!" Sierra replied.

"Maybe we set the purity up? I don't recall iron being this smooth," Owen remarked.

 _Elemental iron_ isn't _, you are correct about that,_ B nodded. _Hand me that metal detector._

* * *

 _Green Gators_

"That's...weird. I'm getting readings from multiple parts of the island at the same time," Scarlett frowned.

"Have you tried turning it off and back on again?" DJ asked.

"Five times and doing so didn't change anything."

"Oh."

"Maybe you can't do it right!" Sugar exclaimed.

"OR maybe the wood the chest is made of belongs to a tree species common on the island," Sam suggested more gently.

"Unlikely. The wood used to make the Chest of Untold Secrets came from an Atlas cedar, which is both not native to Canada and not present on Wawanakwa. Trust me, I catalogued all of the flora and fauna species so I could prepare for any mutants."

"Smart," Sam nodded.

"Well, _I_ have an idea," Eva said. "Maybe you didn't calibrate it to the right splinter. I mean, there's a lot of wooden crap around, that's a lotta places to contaminate your detector with."

"I have considered that, yes, but _what_ is common enough to be giving so many readings?"

"Also, _why_ can't people clean up after themselves?" Sanders grumbled, picking up a chewed-up pencil fragment. Scarlett's detector suddenly let out a raucous _BEEP!_

Silence as everything sank in at once.

"...I am _so_ embarrassed," Scarlett blushed.

"Don't be, it happens to everyone," Cameron said gently. "Mike, let's go back to our base so we can find the right splinter."

"Mike"'s eyes subtly lit up. "Why sure thing...pal." They left together.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.**

Sugar laughed heavily. "A pencil! A friggin' _pencil_! That's the most bonified funniest thang I ever heard all day!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Jo.**

"I could HEAR her misspell 'bona fide'," Jo groaned. "Please, God or whoever's in charge of the universe, _get me away from her ASAP_!"

* * *

 **Confessional – The Nerdinator.**

 **"I'm no god, but I wield a godlike stylus with reality-bending powers, so I'll see what I can do."**  


* * *

 _Orange Ocelots_

"Communal washrooms are off the list," Justin said as he left the aforementioned building. "What does that leave?"

"Computer lab, study lounge, underneath the bleachers of the Drama Gym," Sadie replied, counting off on her fingers. "...am I forgetting anything?"

"Perhaps," Crimson said. "But if we have, then we may remember it on the way to one of our other destinations. I suggest one of us devote themselves to remembering where we have been."

"I can do that!" Brick exclaimed.

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

Unbeknowst to the OO, the Yellow Yaks were listening in on them. Laurie frowned. "We've been to _all_ of those places and didn't find it! Where could it _be_?!"

"I cannot say," Alejandro replied, visibly frustrated.

"Chris had _better_ not put it somewhere off-island," Heather scowled. "If he did and it's back home I'm gonna wring his neck."

"Ha! Fat chance of that!" Taylor cackled. "Besides, I've just had a _great_ idea for where it is! Chris' place!"

"Well, that _would_ be a place none of us want to get anywhere near," Ryan said. "So maybe that _is_ the right place to look."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Miles asked. "C'mon girls and guys, let's go go GO!"

* * *

 _Green Gators_

Mal slipped away into a cave. Picking up a rock, he slung it at something, then left as quickly as he'd come.

Cameron was walking outside the cave when a low rumbling noise came from inside. He paled as a male grizzly bear, who was strangely wearing a scuba mask for some unknown reason, lumbered out and glared at the boy, assuming him to be the one who'd interrupted his torpor.

The bear roared and gave chase.

* * *

Being much smaller than the bear, Cameron was able to weave through the trees much more easily. But the bear was persistent.

Suddenly, Cameron slipped on a patch of ice and landed painfully on his arm. A sickening _crack_ , and his world filled with pain. Scuba Bear closed in for the kill...

But the ruckus had also woken up the Black Bears' mascot, and the black bear, recognizing Cameron as someone who _wasn't_ a complete tool, decisively bit Scuba Bear on the butt. Scuba Bear squeaked and turned around. The bears fought for a bit, but the black bear won, sending a battered Scuba Bear running away.

The black bear then turned to Cameron. He got onto his hind legs, gingerly picked the boy up with his hands, and lumbered away.

* * *

 _Purple Pigs_

"Back at the beginning?" Tyler asked Beardo at the campfire.

"Hey, Chris had a whole divider-thingy in the ground. These stumps might be holding some secrets too."

Suddenly, the bear arrived and dropped Cameron on the ground. "What the–" Tyler's pupils shrank. "Guys! Cameron's hurt!"

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

"How many copies of the same shirt does Chris _need_?!" Laurie griped as she, Carrie, and Lindsay searched Chris' bedroom.

"I know, and I thought our wardrobes in the VR challenges were limited," Carrie agreed.

"Yeah, like, okay, I _like_ my boots but like, I can't _run_ in my boots very well," Lindsay added. "Would it like, be too hard for Chazz to put my virtual self in sneakers for once?"

"It might," Laurie snarked. "Have we not looked anywhere else?"

"Under the bed," Carrie replied. She got on her stomach and slid her hand underneath it. "I feel something boxy and wooden. Mind lifting the bed for me?"

"Not at all!" Lindsay chirped. "...How do I do it again?"

"With your legs, like so," Laurie said, picking up one of the rear bed legs. Lindsay got the other and Carrie retrieved the Chest of Untold Secrets.

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Hey Chris, we got the–" Devin stopped. Everyone watched as Dakota and Miranda put the finishing touches on Cameron's makeshift splint. "Whoa! What happened?"

"A bear happened," Jo explained. "And another bear saved him. Yeah, I don't know why it happened either."

"Well, in any case," Chris interrupted, "the Yellow Yaks, despite being disadvantaged, managed to find the chest in my bedroom!" He took the chest from Carrie and unlocked it, revealing the Gilded Chris Awards.

"...You're joking," Josee said, confused.

"No, I'm just creative! And thankfully the problem of deciding which of the remaining six teams lost today's challenge has solved itself! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Green Gators, someone's going home!"

"Yeah, we know! Cameron!" MacArthur snapped.

"How are the votes gonna work out in the Aftermath?" Phil asked.

"We're counting his departure as his entire team voting him off." Cameron looked more hurt than ever. Chris handed him the red marshmallow, smirking evilly.

"What now?" DJ asked. There was an awkward pause following that as Chris pondered. Suddenly, the sadistic host's eyes lit up in delight.

"I have a brilliant idea! Someone _else_ on your team is gonna get exiled to the nearby Boney Island in solitary confinement, since we don't get a normal elimination!" Chris exclaimed. "These will also count towards their overall vote count. So go vote now!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Mal.**

"I gotta hand it to Chris. His desire to protect his precious obsession with a stupid world order is playing right into _my_ hands." He wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper, smirked, and put his feet up on the sink.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sugar.**

" _Finally_ that annoying squirt's gone! But there are still folks who gotta go too." She wrote SCARLETT on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Eva.**

"No questions." She wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sam.  
**

"Poor Cameron." He wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations, and in this case, send people off to Boney Island," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get the orange marshmallow." All but two of the marshmallows were white. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to locate the best possible source of drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Sanders, and MacArthur." All of them got up and got their marshmallows.

Two colored marshmallows were left. One of them was a light, buttery yellow, the other charcoal black. "For this ultra-special feature, we have two new colors! Yellow means you've been voted for but won't be going to Boney Island; black means you will be. Scarlett. Sugar."

The girls at opposite ends of the intellectual spectrum glared at each other.

"Neither of you are very popular right now. Scarlett, for screwing up, and Sugar, for being a royal pain. But one of you received only one vote. That person is...

...

...

...

...

"Scarlett! Sugar, _you_ will be temporarily exiled to Boney Island!"

"What?!" Sugar shrieked. Chef handed her the black marshmallow and escorted the perplexed Pageant Prat away.

* * *

 **Confessional – Scarlett.  
**

"Cameron's elimination was...perplexing. And...suspect. Something is going on and I fully intend to find out _what_."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.  
**

"Oh my god...this is bad. If these are the lengths Mal goes to stay in power...we're not going to leave this show in one piece."  


* * *

"Oh, I dunno. I fully believe in plot immunity!" Chris walked over to where the Drama Mine was. "Thirty-seven down. Forty-seven remain. Who's gonna keep ahead of the game and who'll be broken up? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Chris, I'd be more careful around here," Simon warned him. "The doors can open, but they don't always–"

Chris wasn't paying attention and fell down the mine. "MY HAIR!"

"...close."

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Cameron – Couldn't vote  
**

 ** **Mal – Sugar  
****

 ** ** **Eva – Sugar  
******

 ** ** **DJ – Didn't vote******

 ** **Sam – Sugar  
****

 ** ** **Scarlett – Sugar  
******

 ** **Sugar – Scarlett  
****

 ** ** ** **Sanders – Sugar  
********

 ** ** ** **MacArthur – Sugar  
********

 **Results: 6-1 Sugar-Scarlett**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj)****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Sugar shuddered on Boney Island, which had a single, small cabin and was filled with large, jagged rocks. "They're all gonna pay!" she growled. "Just you wait 'n' see. Especially you, Ella!"

 _But she wasn't even_ on _her team,_ one laser-squirrel chirped to another.

 _Humans, man, they're super dumb. C'mon, let's go set those other squirrels we keep seeing in the window on_ _fire_ , replied the other. They scampered off.


	49. 2-17: Who Can You Trust?

**Review time!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I write Mal as smart, wily, and _very_ unscrupulous. As he _should_ be, frankly.  
**

 **And thanks to KilllaKirika for starting work on our official Tropes Page! Feel free to add to it!**

* * *

 _Saturday, December 30, 2017_

"Last time on Total Drama – we searched for treasure! [Cody struggling to pick up the metal detector] I hid my Gilded Chris awards somewhere on the island and our contestants went searching for them! [The Blue Beetles arguing] Thanks to Taylor actually pulling her weight for once [Taylor's idea] the Yellow Yaks found the chest in my room! [Carrie retrieving the chest] Wish they hadn't messed up my sheets, though. Scarlett had a brilliant plan [Scarlett's tracker] but Mal had an even better one. [Mal waking up Scuba Bear] Mal's trickery paid off when Cameron, the guy who knew the most about him [Cameron talking to Zoey], got too hurt to continue on. [Cameron's elimination] Since I hate breaking formula, we used the elimination ceremony to exile Sugar to Boney Island. [Sugar's exile]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Forty-seven contestants remain. Who'll fall into eternal glory and who'll be caught up in their own lies? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

"Sugar's back," Chef drolled as he docked his motorboat. Behind him, a rosy-cheeked Sugar shivered furiously, glaring at Chris.

"Oh, good, she's alive and intact. Lawsuit averted!"

"Thank you fer yer _kencern_ ," Sugar growled sarcastically.

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Red Robins_

"So how many idols do you have now?" Emma asked Noah in the latter's room.

"Ten. I found four more between challenges." He sighed. "Em?"

"Yeah?"

"Is hiding all of those things _really_ the best thing I can do?"

"Well yeah, you're protecting your friends..."

Noah sighed. "I know, it's just...I don't like hiding stuff from them. It feels like I'm betraying their trust. I mean, I have good reason to, there are people I _don't_ trust who'd pay a pretty penny to bump them off."

Emma nodded thoughtfully. "Scylla or Charybdis, huh?"

"Yeah. And I don't know which one's the six-headed snake-dog or the salamander-shaped whirlpool monster."

* * *

 **Confessional – Noah.  
**

"I trust Emma because she's in a similar boat as myself. We're leaders. We look out for our friends." He sighed. "Man, I went from de facto to de jure King of the Misfits in what, four months? Not that I mind, apparently."  


* * *

 _Some time later_

"Alright everyone, listen up!" Chris barked at the teens. "It's clear to me that not everyone trusts each other. Alliances are drifting apart and people are cheating their way out of a fair elimination!"

"Don't you like that stuff, though?" Topher asked, confused.

"Of course I do! It's good for the ratings! BUT it makes for bad teams, and _those_ are _bad_ for the ratings. It's a delicate balance, being popular."

"And that's why it's incredibly _idiotic_ to aim for it," Scarlett muttered.

Chris didn't hear her. "So! I have broken you into two teams of twenty-three apiece."

"But forty-seven's an odd number," Tyler pointed out.

"And that's why Mike's getting automatic immunity for today!" "Mike" pretended to look touched by this.

"Why Mike?" Amy asked incredulously.

"Yeah, what did _he_ ever do that's so great?" Heather added.

"Eh, I just want the disability lawyers to get off my tail. They're yakking about Blaineley being 'ableist' or whatever it is because she made fun of Courtney last Aftermath or something."

"So I take it her diagnosis came out positive?" Bridgette asked tentatively.

"I guess. I don't really care. Anyone who votes for Mike gets kicked out automatically!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.  
**

"Darn it! There goes my plan to tell everyone about Mal!" he griped.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Mal.  
**

"Does Chris know who's _really_ in charge of this body? No duh, he watches _everything_ that we do. But hey, if I'm his next posterboy, then so be it."  


* * *

"Since he'll still need to do this stuff to meet my approval, though, Dakota's going to keep an eye on him. He won't be able to vote for anyone tonight, either." Mal was genuinely crestfallen at this.

"Anyway, Owen, Noah, Cody, Sierra, Topher, Sadie, Brick, Lindsay, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Eva, DJ, Scarlett, Zoey, Harold, Shawn, Sammy, Jasmine, Jen, Geoff, Bridgette, and Beardo. You are Team Truth! Everyone else, you're Team Lie! Exemptees, you're doing the same based on alphabetical order."

"So what's our challenge gonna be like?" Sadie asked.

"As I've said, there's not enough trust on this island. So we're gonna make some! One person from each team will pair up in the order I've assigned you in. That's Owen with B, Noah with Ella, Cody with Emma, etc. Then you will perform a trust exercise! Lie will do it on Truth, then Truth on Lie, and so on until you do all five exercises. Whichever team completes the most exercises successfully wins! Before you ask, _both_ teams get a point for each successful completion.

"The exercises in question are: climbing up the cliff, extreme cooking, blind William Tell, blind trapeze, and blind toboggan race!"

"Do I _look_ like Terezi to you?" Noah snarked.

"A little bit," Cody mused. "It's the hair, mostly."

"Good luck!"

* * *

 **Truth: Owen, Noah, Cody, Sierra, Topher, Sadie, Brick, Lindsay, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Eva, DJ, Scarlett, Zoey, Harold, Shawn, Sammy, Jasmine, Jen, Geoff, Bridgette, and Beardo.**

 **Lie: B, Ella, Emma, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Heather, Taylor, Ryan, Miles, Laurie,** **Sam, Sugar, Sanders, MacArthur, Leshawna, Jo, Amy, Sky, Duncan, Tyler, Jacques, and Josee.**

 **Exempt: Mike**

 **Supervising: Dakota**

* * *

 _Cliff Climbing_

"So how do we do this, exactly?" Duncan asked.

"Well, I think Chris intends for this to be top roping, since that requires two people," Jasmine explained. "Whoever's on Truth will put on the harness and start climbing up. Their rope's on a pulley, so they'll need someone to keep the rope tight. Said person is on Lie. For example, you're with Jen, so she'll go up and you'll hold on to the other end of her rope."

"Oh!" Duncan nodded. "Sounds like it could mess up easily."

"And painfully," Ennui added monotonously. "It operates on a delicate balance of life and death. The ultimate trust exercise, if you will."

"Knowing Chris, there's gonna be more emphasis on the 'death' part of the equation," MacArthur grimaced, "and not just in this one."

"At least there are not any surprises in there, like rusty nails," Jacques commented.

"Or oil slicks," Carrie gulped.

"Or mild explosives!" Everyone looked at Lindsay. "What? Ever since Izzy left, someone's gotta pick up the slack!"

"Actually, Lindsay, _Taylor's_ going to be picking up _your_ slack," Scarlett smirked. Some of the campers laughed slightly at her deep joke, while the rest just stared at each other aimlessly.

"Do NOT mess us up," Taylor snarled in Lindsay's direction.

"O...kay then?"

* * *

It began, all twenty-four instances at the same time.

Owen and B had difficulties due to their mutual large sizes. Though B was steady on the ground, his arms weren't strong enough to lift Owen up very far and the Friendly Food Lover crashed onto the ground, resulting in a small fart of terror that melted the snow around his butt.

Noah and Ella had the same problem, only this time due to them both being very small. Ditto Cody and Emma.

Sierra was naturally quite athletic; years of running after her idols really paid off. As did Justin's bodybuilding. Ennui was taller than Topher by a good eight inches, so no surprises there.

Crimson was surprisingly strong for her size and lifted Sadie up no problem. Heather struggled to lift Brick, but to his credit he actively tried to make it easier on her by climbing harder. Thanks to his extensive training, he made it. Lindsay carefully clambered up the sheer face, nervous about getting on Taylor's bad side, but thankfully, she didn't mess up, so that never happened.

Ryan easily lifted Alejandro two-thirds of the way to the top. Miles struggled more with Devin, but he put in some good effort, as did Laurie with Carrie and Sam with Eva. Sugar, on the other hand, wasn't capable of hauling her much larger partner, and DJ ended up dangling off one side of the pulley twenty feet off the ground with Sugar hanging off the other side.

Sanders quickly pulled Scarlett up no problem. MacArthur stepped on an ice patch while hoisting Zoey and slipped, taking the Indie Chick with her. Leshawna, after getting Harold up, was quick to help them up too. They were both immensely grateful for the help.

Jo successfully got Shawn to the top; Amy did not succeed with her sister and blamed the latter for not trying hard enough. Sky wasn't successful either; when Chris questioned it, Sky retorted with " _You_ try lifting someone literally twice your size." Duncan, on the other hand, was able to lift Jen no problem.

Tyler accidentally dropped Geoff. On himself. Jacques scoffed at this and decided to show off by lifting Bridgette to the top with only one hand. Josee did the same thing with Beardo. And "Mike"?

He dropped Dakota flat on her face.

* * *

"Well, that's done," Chris said.

"Uh, Chris? If both members get points, then how will we determine who loses?" Sierra asked.

"I have my ways," Chris grinned deviously.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"I...don't think I want to know what those ways are," she remarked.  


* * *

"Anyways, now it's time for Extreme Cooking. Do you guys know what fugu is?"

"Large pufferfish that are eaten in Japan as a delicacy," Harold said. "Incredibly poisonous to the point where you need to train for many years before you're allowed to serve them."

"Exactly! This was what your challenge was gonna be. But when Chef told me just _what_ tetrodotoxin does to your body–"

* * *

 **Confessional – Chef.**

"It blocks the voltage-gated sodium channel, preventing your nerves from firin' and eventually you suffocate t' death."

* * *

"–we changed it to a slightly safer version. Instead, I injected certain parts of these Chinook salmon with Carolina Reaper-based hot sauce. Truth will be doing this for Lie, so you guys won't be benefiting from Noah's spice immunity."

"Joy," Noah said flatly.

"However, you _can_ benefit from his oversized brain. You will be provided with diagrams of where the sauce has been injected. You must clean your fish so that not a single smidgen remains."

"'Smidgen'?" Ryan snickered.

"Then you must prepare your fish! Whoever doesn't double over vomiting after eating it wins this challenge!"

* * *

 _Mess Hall_

"How are Miles and Laurie holding up?" Devin asked as he made dotted lines around the injected areas of his salmon with a toothpick. "Because I know they had to, y'know, break their entire belief system a while back."

"They're fine. Laurie told me she's considering ditching that lifestyle altogether, said she only got into it because people told her it was a good idea."

"The problem is less that we're _eating_ meat _period_ and more that we're eating things that fart a lot," Noah remarked, pulling off his fish's head, grimacing as he did. "Think Owen's bad? Cows are a lot worse. They single-hoofedly contribute about as much to global warming as cars do, maybe more."

"So...if not cows, and probably most everything else, then what animals _should_ we be eating?" Devin asked.

"Bugs. Higher in protein, lower in fat, and you can raise a lot more with a lot less food."

Carrie shuddered. "I'm...not sure I can handle that."

"Right, you hate worms or anything eruciform. Then go for grasshoppers, cicadas, and dragonflies, things that don't go through complete metamorphosis."

"Well, when you put it _that_ way..."

Alejandro witnessed this entire scene and frowned.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"I hate to say it, but Sugar may be right."  


* * *

 _Some time later_

"Okay folks, let's see what you did!" Chris smirked. "We've got a wide variety here, from fish sticks to grilled fish, and even sushi!"

"If you get parasites from this, that's not my problem," Heather snarked as she handed her plate to Brick.

"So dig in, it's lunchtime!"

Most of the fish turned out to have been correctly cleaned. The ones that Sanders, Sky, Jacques, and "Mike" ate, however, weren't.

"And that's all for this part!" Chris said. "How will our three sightless scenes fare? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

 _Five-Larch Point_

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "For Blind William Tell, we're going to reverse things a little! Because knocking an apple off your head with an arrow while blindfolded would probably kill you if the archer's aim was off, we're knocking off an _arrow_ with an _apple_!" He put one of those fake arrow-through-the-head things onto Owen's head. Then he gave B a slingshot, a yellow cloth for a blindfold, and a decently-sized Granny Smith. "You only get one chance at this, so make it count."

B put the apple in the slingshot and Ella tied the blindfold on for him. _Thanks_ _._ He picked up the slingshot and cocked his head to the side, listening to the wind howl around Owen's body. He aimed, and fired, and the apple smacked the fake arrow off nice and smooth.

"Can I eat the apple?" Owen asked. "I hate wasting fruit."

"Sure, knock yourself out. You've won this part. Oh, and if the target moves, you're disqualified for the remaining two challenges. Next!"

Here's what happened, since the actions aren't generic for once:

* * *

Ella jittered as she loaded up her Cripps Pink, unwilling to hit her friend should she miss. When she fired, the apple lightly grazed the arrowhead, enough for the wind to pick it up and drop it to the ground. As soon as she removed her blindfold, Ella wept and apologized to Noah profusely as she hugged him, while he tried to pry her off to no avail.

* * *

Emma fired her Ginger Gold at Cody and missed the arrow, the apple instead speeding through the gap between his legs and slamming into the tree behind him. Cody nervously grabbed his crotch in relief.

* * *

Justin fired his Macoun at Sierra but aimed too high, and the apple ricocheted off the dormant red oak's branches. Regardless, it came down eventually, taking the arrow with it.

* * *

Ennui fired his Aldenham Purple at Topher. It hit the Reality TV Fan on the forehead, splitting in half, revealing its bright red flesh. Topher felt his forehead and, seeing the red juice on his mitten, promptly passed out. Ennui shot a dissatisfied glance at the camera.

* * *

Crimson missed the arrow on Sadie's head, the Bloody Ploughman landing in the snow next to the latter's ankles with a harmless, nearly silent _thump_. Sadie was sympathetic, claiming that "If it'd been me that apple would be doing what Justin's did but _worse_."

* * *

Heather fired her Baldwin at Brick. It took off the arrow forcefully. "[D word]!" Heather muttered. "I was hoping to get his kiwis."

* * *

Taylor fired her Golden Russet at Lindsay; it landed between the Scatterbrained Princess' breasts and disappeared. Despite the fact that said breasts were covered with two inches of hot pink parka. Taylor scratched her head in confusion.

* * *

Ryan fired his Spartan at Alejandro and the arrow was successfully knocked off.

* * *

The same was true for Miles and Devin, only instead of smacking the arrowhead like most of them did the Red Delicious hit the narrower fletching. "Does this count for bonus points?" Miles asked Chris.

"Nope!"

She grimaced at this. "Figures."

* * *

Laurie also successfully knocked off the arrow on Carrie's head with her apple, a Gala.

* * *

Sam was unsuccessful, his Fuji hitting Eva in the left shin. She grit her teeth in pain. "I know we're not supposed to move during this...but I _wish_ that _we_ , the _target **who can see where the stupid fruit is going**_ , could at least move our feet if we needed to."

"I hear you," Sam agreed.

* * *

"I'm the best archer in the world!" Sugar cackled as she loaded her Arkansas Black into her slingshot. DJ gulped. Sugar aimed and fired the apple...straight into the air. Gravity took over and landed the apple right smack in her right eye with an audible _CRACK!_ "OW!"

"No, you're not," Phil snarked as he trudged over, heating pad in hand. "You _really_ aren't."

* * *

Due to her police training, Sanders was easily able to knock the arrow off Scarlett's head with her McIntosh.

* * *

As was MacArthur for Zoey with her Lowland Raspberry.

* * *

Leshawna missed Harold's arrow, the Allington Pippin grazing over his head. "If we were knocking off an _apple_ with another apple, you would've made it," Harold mused.

"I guess. Do the breeds mean something?"

"The Allington Pippin is said to taste like pineapple, which you're allergic to," Chef explained.

"Oh! So if I eat this I'm not gonna get all anaphylactic?"

"I think not."

Leshawna picked up the apple, cleaned it off, and took a bite. "Wow...I'm not missin' much."

* * *

Jo fired her Foxwhelp at Shawn and hit the arrow successfully. "Welp," she shrugged.

* * *

Amy was about to pick up her apple when she realized that it wasn't actually an apple. "HEY! Chris, you dumb[f word]! That's _not_ an apple! And as lame as Samey is I'm _**NOT**_ gonna kill her with a friggin' _manchineel_ to the **face**!"

"I was _really_ hoping you were going to fall for that one," Chris grumbled, handing her a Northern Spy as Dudley shoveled up the ground the manchineel was on and took it away. Miles tied on her blindfold for her and Amy took aim, successfully removing the arrow.

"Wow, you...like me enough to keep me alive?" Sammy asked.

"I-I didn't..." Amy flushed as red as her coat and trudged off.

"Well hey, progress is progress," Sammy shrugged.

* * *

Sky fired her Bismarck at Jasmine. Because Jasmine was so much taller than Sky, the apple smacked her in the gut, causing her to double over with a pained _"Oof!"_. Sky apologized immediately.

* * *

Duncan fired his Elstar at Jen, successfully removing the arrow.

* * *

Tyler's apple, an Empire, slipped from his hand. But he knew that had happened, so he quickly readjusted his slingshot to catch it and _twang_. As a result of being tilted back, the apple sailed into the air in a parabolic arc before knocking off the arrow fletching-first.

"Dude! You were awesome!" Geoff exclaimed.

"I was? Huh. Guess I'll find out when I go back home."

"Oh yeah, you couldn't see it." Geoff frowned at this. "Man, blindfolds are _dumb_."

"Yeah, I guess they kinda are."

* * *

"When in Rome," Jacques chuckled darkly, "do as the Romans do. Such as _eating their apples!_ " He fired his Rome at Bridgette.

"Apples aren't even European!" Bridgette protested. The apple hit her in the cheekbone. "Owwww..."

* * *

Josee fired a Honeycrisp at Beardo. It landed in his hair. Beardo made a cartoon apple biting noise and Josee lifted her blindfold up, immediately dissatisfied. "Ever heard of a haircut?"

"Ever heard of it's my style so shut up?"

* * *

And lastly, "Mike" had a Cameo, the same apple that had eliminated Zeke. Being Mal, he didn't even try to knock the arrow off Dakota's head and simply fired the apple at her groin.

* * *

"Well, apples to apples and dust to dust, I suppose," Chris shrugged. "Feel free to keep the fruits, the glop Chef gives you ain't exactly high in fiber. Anyway, Blind Trapeze is our next segment!"

"That doesn't seem safe," Sammy said. "Even if it's only a little bit off the ground, we could be seriously injured if we fall off."

"Which is why I brought back the ball pit from the war challenge," Chris said. "Now, if you would please _let me **explain**_ the challenge, that would be really nice."

"Go right ahead, we're all dying to know," Emma snarked.

"For Blind Trapeze, Truth will swing from a trapeze by their legs. Lie will be blindfolded and will stand on the other side and jump off. Truth has to catch them. Anyone who falls into the ball pit doesn't get the point. Since trapeze should only be done by professionals, we're going to do this one pair at a time."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sky.**

"I've done a lot of gymnastics and stuff, but _this_ is a level above me. Still, it'd be nice to try to see where exactly my limits are. The Drama Gym doesn't exactly have the right kind of training equipment."  


* * *

As predicted, Sky fared a lot better than the others, accurately predicting where Jasmine's arms would be at the right moment to jump off. Tyler did surprisingly well too; Geoff caught him with ease and he didn't fall off.

* * *

 **Confessional – Tyler.**

"I have _freakishly_ strong fingers."  


* * *

Owen caught B and proved to be much stronger than he looked. Otherwise, no one else actually caught their partner.

* * *

"For shame, kiddies," Chris sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "For _shame_."

"Like you said, only professionals should do this stuff," Duncan grunted, rubbing his eyebrow in pain. "Ow..."

"See? Piercings are evil," Noah snarked.

"At least this wasn't done with freezing cold water and freshwater jellyfish," Justin commented. "That would _suck_ for a wintertime challenge."

"I think a jellyfish would _die_ in water this cold," Scarlett corrected him. "Do not quote me on this, for I have not tested it."

"Anyway, it's time for Blind Toboggan," Chris said. "Pretty straightforward: one person steers the other while the person in front is blindfolded. Whoever crashes before reaching the finish line doesn't count."

* * *

While everyone was getting set up, Mal was blindfolded and could only see white. But since he was focused on his other senses (namely, the feeling of Dakota's coat through his gloves and her hair in his face, oh god she badly needed a haircut. And a shower.), he didn't think to look with his mind's eye...

* * *

 _Mike's mind_

"'This puzzle is an exercise in patience'," Mike read off the wooden sign. "'You must plant an okra and wait for it to fruit. A day here is an hour in real time. You cannot do anything until the plant fruits.'"

"Phylla always was good at waiting very long time," Svetlana sighed wistfully. "I miss my women friends."

"We all do, Svet," Vito grunted. "I ain't good at waitin', but if it saves lives, and it's gonna, then that's what we've gotta do. Chet, how long do we gotta wait?"

"An okra plant takes between fifty and seventy-five days to grow, so not until between challenges or the next one, whichever day the readers keep forgetting exists."

"Well, then let's wait." Vito dug out a hole, dropped a tiny seed into it, covered it back up, and then they waited.

* * *

While they slid down the cliff, snow flew under Ryan's blindfold. "GAH!" he shrieked, momentarily moving his blindfold so he could get the snow out. Because one of his hands was preoccupied with his face, he swerved.

"No no no NO Ryan please get us back on track!" Alejandro shrieked, trying in vain to move the larger boy.

"What?" It was then that Ryan realized what was going on. "Oh crap. AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" They careened into a drift.

* * *

Once it was all over, it turned out only Jo and Shawn had managed to actually make it to the finish line. "Well well, looks like the braggart and the conspiracy theorist have made the final cut!" Chris exclaimed. "Nice job, you guys! Sadly, one of your teams is going to lose."

"Which one? We've all gotten the same number of points, haven't we?" Miles asked.

"Nope! Team Lie is gonna lose. Why? Because Ryan lifted his blindfold, and you aren't supposed to do that."

"I wasn't?" Ryan asked, confused. "I don't remember you sayin' that."

"It was implicit. Because Ryan bugged it up, you guys get one point less and Team Truth triumphs again! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Team Lie, someone's going home!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Ryan.**

"Oh _man_. Chris just painted a big fat target on my back! I don't know what I did to make him mad, either." He sighed and wrote AMY on a piece of paper. "Hopefully the others are itching to get rid of Amy faster. Her recent actions today notwithstanding, she really needs to relax."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Emma.**

Emma let out a slight, guttural growl as she wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper before speaking. "I _swear_ , if Chris [f word]ing _edits himself in saying that removing our blindfolds would cost us a point_..." She calmed down. "No. I'm better than these base instincts. Still, Chris has to pay. _Somehow_."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"My semi-beau believes that Ryan may be on to him, and by extension me," Heather explained as she wrote RYAN on a piece of paper. "So we need to get him out. It'll be good in other ways, too. Devin will be broken and easier to control, Carrie will be broken and through her, we can control the Misfits." She cackled evilly.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Taylor.  
**

"Until Heather gets her fat butt off this show, I can't shine like I was meant to do." She wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Five of the marshmallows were colored something other than white. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because drama doesn't lie. Well, it's _created_ by lies most of the time, but you know what I mean. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are B, Ella, Emma, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Taylor, Miles, Laurie, Sam, Sanders, MacArthur, Leshawna, Jo, Sky, Tyler, Jacques, and Josee." All of them got up and got their marshmallows.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you. But today, we don't have any of those." Chris pointed to the three green marshmallows that were sitting on the plate. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Sugar and Amy, our eternal running gag springs eternal once again! And Heather, too. You all received a triple-threat triad of votes!"

" _Please_ don't ruin one of my favorite shows," Amy grumbled. "You're doing it enough to my _life_."

"For once I agree with the crazy twin," Josee quipped.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you've outlasted your welcome. Duncan. Ryan."

Ryan gulped nervously. Duncan looked a little nervous for once.

"Duncan, you're a delinquent. Ryan, you're a tool. The number three hath strucketh again for eight against five...

...

...

...

...

"And Ryan has that five!" Duncan sighed in relief as he scrambled up to nab the orange one. "The _Coalicion de los_ _Hombres_ is now only sixty percent its original mass! It's not looking too good, Al might need to start screening for new chumps!"

 **"DON'T CALL ME AL!"**

* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.  
**

"How did he hear us from all the way over...wherever he was at the moment?"

* * *

"Who cares?" Chris asked as he walked in the snow, the camera following him. "All I know is that this is the final episode of 2017. So happy new year and we'll see you again in 2018! Thirty-eight down. Forty-six remain. Who's gonna keep ahead of the game and who'll be broken up? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He took a step and fell into the ball pit. Then Sasquatchanakwa came along and decided to jump in too, landing on Chris and thus pushing him further to the pit's cold, dark, smelly bottom.

Emma watched this from afar and shrugged nonchalantly. "Chris paid. Not what I had in mind, but I'll take it."

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **B – Duncan  
**

 ** **Ella – Didn't vote  
****

 ** ** **Emma – Duncan  
******

 ** ** **Justin – Ryan******

 ** **Ennui – Ryan  
****

 ** ** **Crimson – Ryan  
******

 ** **Heather – Ryan  
****

 ** ** ** **Taylor – Heather  
********

 ** ** ** **Ryan – Amy  
********

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Miles – Sugar  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Laurie – Sugar************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sam – Heather  
********************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sanders – Duncan  
****************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **MacArthur – Duncan************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Leshawna – Heather********************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jo – Ryan****************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Amy – Ryan  
************************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sky – Sugar********************************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Duncan – Amy****************************************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Tyler – Duncan  
****************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jacques – Ryan************************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Ryan – Ryan********************************************************************************

 **Results: 8-5-3-3-3 Ryan-Duncan-Amy-Sugar-Heather**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

A loud knock interrupted Dakota as she got ready for bed. "Come in," she said, setting down her hairbrush. Despite Chris not giving his interns a decent pay, Dakota had been a contestant beforehand, so per her contract she got paid a dollar for every second of screentime she had, letting her be a little more well-off than her coworkers, except maybe Phil.

Zoey scooted into Dakota's room and quickly locked the door behind her. "Dakota, I need to talk to you. It's very important."

"I know. Mal came back after Mike hit his head during the hamsterball challenge. We're working on a plan to expose him."

"Oh, so it's true?! ...Wait, 'we'?"

Dakota's swivel chair turned around dramatically, revealing Noah was in it. Owen, somehow having managed to hide his presence, flopped off the top bunk of the bed and landed on the floor with a **_thump!_** ; since Chris was cheap, the interns and bad cabins got the same furniture. Scarlett and B exited the closet without any drama.

" _We_ ," Noah confirmed. "We see the signs too. And we're gonna do everything we can to get Mike back _and_ off this island."

"How, though?"

Owen, surprisingly, chuckled deviously. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Uh...yes? I _would_?"

"Oh!" Owen went back into dork mode. "Right, of course. So here's what we're gonna do."


	50. 2-18: Basic Straining

**Review time!**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! What can I say, my name is _literally_ Nerd.**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! I was wondering where you were. Tyler _is_ Gerry's grandson in this AU, Tyler's mom is Gerry's daughter. You'll see what the VRtrip'll be next time. I'm planning some big stuff for early season three, so "Suckers Punched" is going to be part of that!**

 **Guest: There is no fourth wall in Nerdinator Studios. Also this fic was initiated _long_ before that episode Dramarama came out, and that's in its own separate universe anyways.**

 **Important s: They are indeed! Peer pressure was a big factor for both of them. The outfits the characters wear in the canon series are what they wear in the VR challenges unless stated otherwise, since that's what Chris used in the series' advertising when it first aired; since having only one set of clothes is _highly_ unrealistic and also _extremely_ stupid, here they have more diverse and practical wardrobes. As for what teams are making it to the final ten, one of the Aftermaths has the key...but is it one I already wrote or is it a future one that doesn't exist yet? Only _I_ know! :D**

* * *

 _Tuesday, January 2, 2018_

Chris groaned, slumped at his desk. "Ugh...I don't feel so good..."

"No crap, Pretty Boy," Chef grunted. "I _told_ you gettin' wasted on New Year's Eve was a bad idea. You're _still_ hungover!" He sighed. "Guess _I'm_ doin' the episode, then." He cleared his throat and began as the camera turned to focus on him:

"Last time on Total Drama – tensions were pretty dang high. [Alejandro glaring at the Misfits chatting with Devin] All sorts of shady stuff were goin' on [Alejandro's villain song from earlier in the season], and since we felt that would undermine our teams, we felt we had to get 'em to trust each other again. First, they scaled a cliff. Or tried to, at least. [B dropping Owen] Next they tried to gut fish so they didn't give their teammates heartburn. [Sky finding out that Jasmine had missed a spot] We wasted a crapload of money on obscure apple breeds that most people don't know about [Topher fainting], found out why we should never be a circus [Cody failing to catch Emma], and went sledding [Jo and Shawn reaching the finish line], all while blindfolded. For some dumb reason Mal got immunized b'fore the challenge even _started_ [Mal dropping Dakota], but Mike's friends are gonna do somethin' 'bout that. [The meeting that night] And Alejandro turned on Ryan and had him voted out. [Ryan's elimination]"

Cut to new scene. Chef stood at the Dock of Shame, thoroughly unamused. "Forty-six c'ntestants remain. Who'll get the drill and who'll turn their underpants into s'mores? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama."

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Mal's Exposure Committee (MEC)  
_

"Okay now, one more time," Scarlett said to Zoey.

Zoey nodded and took a breath in. "During today's challenge we'll try our best to subtly get Mal to lose his temper. Since Mike isn't like that, him getting angry will lead to people starting to investigate what's wrong. That's when you and Noah will begin to inform people about Mal's return so we can defeat him."

"Speaking of, _how_ are we gonna take him down?" Owen asked.

"I remember from watching Cameron's elimination episode that Cameron mentioned Mike tazed himself to put Mal away the first time," Dakota reasoned. "Maybe a large electrical shock scrambles up their shared nerves long enough for Mal to lose control. As for _how_ we get Mal electrocuted, well, Chris is bound to come up with something."

* * *

 _Some time later_

"Oh, come on!" Dakota muttered under her breath. "The one time Chris' sadism would actually be useful and he's _sick_?!"

"Rich Kid! Or is it Rich Girl? Eh, I don't care. Get back to work and let Chef speak!" Chef barked. Dakota squeaked and timidly shimmied away.

"So what did Chris do this time?" Jo asked.

"He got flat-[a word] drunk Sunday night. I'm not gonna make 'im his hangover cure until later so he can learn the importance of moderation."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna work."

"Anyway, since Chris can't do it, I'm doin' it instead. Luckily he already wrote down the challenge." He pulled out a piece of paper. "If you guys like physical stuff, today's gonna be a good for you. Break into the Gophers and Bass and follow me to the Dock."

* * *

 **Confessional – Harold and Cody.  
**

"There are three possibilities here," Harold said. "He'll be worse than Chris, he'll be better than Chris, or he'll be the exact _same_ as Chris."  


"Yeah," Cody agreed. "At least Chef _kinda_ cares about our well-being, so hopefully he'll be a _little_ bit better than old Tiny Eyes?"

* * *

 **Screaming Gophers: Heather, Sugar, Jo, Scarlett,** **Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Miles, Laurie, Devin, Emma, Sammy, Cody, Lindsay, Owen, Leshawna, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Jasmine, Sky, Zoey, and Justin.  
**

 **Killer Bass: Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Eva, Geoff, Harold, Sadie, Tyler, Taylor, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, B, Ennui, Crimson, Amy, Shawn, Sam, Ella, Beardo, Mike, and Topher.**

* * *

 _Dock of Shame_

"Now, the last time you had teams with 'screaming' and 'killer' titles involved boats," Chef said. "I have brought said boats back. You're gonna lift them over your heads and stay there. First person to give up rings the bell to my left and gets kicked outta the rest of the game. The team the quitter came from gets disadvantaged in the second part. Try not to fall into the lake, either."

"Easier said than done," Topher gulped, trying his best not to stare at the frigid water.

Each team got their own boat and held it over their heads. Jasmine had to crouch due to her height.

"To make this easier on yer maggoty minds, I'm gonna tell you about my time in Bosnia," Chef said.

"Oh, great, a history lesson," Duncan groaned.

"Hey, we're studying that next month, I think," Cody said. "It'll actually benefit us to listen to someone who was actually there."

Chef smiled. "It began in the late 1980s when Serbia decided to give itself a little more voting power than it deserved..."

* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"It _was_ really informative!" She shuddered. "And bloody. Really, really, _really_ bloody. Now I know why Chef is so stern. Poor guy."

* * *

 _An hour later_

"I...I can't do this anymore," Lindsay whimpered. "I can't feel my arms."

"I'm with ya, mate, this is right awful on my back," Jasmine groaned.

They got out from under their team's boat and walked towards the bell. Because she couldn't use her arms, Lindsay headbutted it instead. "It's not like I've got much more brain to lose anyway," she groaned. "At least my hat's cushiony."

"Alright then," Chef said. "Killer Bass win this one. The Mess Hall's gonna be the location for the first half of part two. As for you two, rest up, you earned this."

"Can do, sir," Jasmine said. "I'd salute you but I don't want to tear a rotator cuff."

"Fair 'nuff."

* * *

 **Still in:**

 **Screaming Gophers: Heather, Sugar, Jo, Scarlett,** **Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Miles, Laurie, Devin, Emma, Sammy, Cody, Owen, Leshawna, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Sky, Zoey, and Justin.  
**

 **Killer Bass: Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Eva, Geoff, Harold, Sadie, Tyler, Taylor, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, B, Ennui, Crimson, Amy, Shawn, Sam, Ella, Beardo, Mike, and Topher.**

* * *

 _Mess Hall_

"For the second part of today, we're gonna dance. And I mean actual dancin', not shooting the ground to make you dodge bullets. But first? Nasty stale food." He held up a piece of bread and broke it in half to demonstrate; it was as brittle as glass and the edges were clean and sharp. "You gotta eat this before you dance. And since the Gophers lost the last one, they gotta eat _more_."

"Nice going," Jacques growled at Lindsay and Jasmine.

"Be nice," Sky said sternly.

* * *

 _Half an hour later, at the campfire_

"It wasn't TOO stale!" Owen exclaimed.

"So that much less of a chance of food poisoning," Noah remarked. "Still, it needed a lot of water and I am _so_ gonna need the bathroom after this."

"When you _do_ go, Snarky Boy, take the mop," Chef said. "It needs cleaning."

"Dude, it's winter. That floor's gonna freeze and someone's gonna crack their skull open on the sink."

Chef pondered this. "Yeah, you're right. Still needs cleanin', though."

"I know, sir. I know full well."

"Anyway, you kids aren't uncultured enough so you don't know who Michael Jackson is, right?"

"No," the teens chorused.

"Good. B'cause we're gonna dance the Thriller until someone cramps up." He turned the boombox on and, reluctantly, the teens started dancing along. Well, most of them were reluctant.

* * *

 **Confessional – Beardo.**

Beardo did a beatbox cover of the song. "Ow!"

* * *

"This is _so_ dumb," Duncan grimaced. "I have half a mind to turn that dang thing off."

"Duncan, I do not believe that is wise. Do _you_ want to go next?" Alejandro hissed.

"Alejandro, I said I had 'half' a mind to do it, remember? The other half doesn't wanna do endless pushups or get locked in the boat shed."

"Ah. In that case, I suggest you listen to _that_ half for now." They didn't speak for a bit as they danced along to the beat. Alejandro suddenly had a nagging question that he needed to ask his conspirator. "Duncan? Before you met Mike, did you know of Mal?"

"Well, no one ever _said_ his name, per se," Duncan admitted. "But when I was in juvie everyone talked about this one kid who started out all meek but smack 'im hard enough and he'd do a complete 180 into a psycho. I just made the connection later on. Why do you ask?"

"Because there is something _off_ about Michael," Alejandro said quietly, glaring at the still-dancing maniac. "Something very _off_ indeed."

* * *

 _Twenty minutes later_

"'Cuz this is THRILLER! Thriller night! Our author wants you to know he doesn't own the copyright! Oh this is THRILLER! Yeah, that's right! And hopefully this ends so that I won't have to keep this up into the night!" Ella sang.

Sugar growled. "Why do you have to be so happeh? Mah arms are dang near about to fall off!"

"Oh, Sugar, can't you at least have a little fun?" Ella asked innocently.

"MAH kinda fun's 'pparently not allowed." Sugar stopped dancing, too tired to continue.

"Okay, Trailer Trash dropped out!" Chef barked. "Mike" also stopped dancing, collapsing from exhaustion. "And so did Jitterbug! Take ten everybody, then meet me in the c'mputer room for part three."

* * *

 **Confessional – Zoey.**

"Chris _never_ gave us breaks!" she exclaimed. "Although I'm not happy that I won't have a chance to bust Mal today." A pause. "Did I sound like Candace for a moment?"

* * *

 **Confessional – Candace Flynn.**

"In _my_ defense, my writers never bothered to give me decent character development," Candace growled.  


"Didn't the boss cancel his PnF fanfics?" Harold asked from outside. "So...why are you still here?"

"He's gonna do a revival sometime. We're still figuring out the logistics."

"Oh! _That_ sounds fun."

"Yes. Yes it will be."

* * *

 **Still in:**

 **Screaming Gophers: Heather, Jo, Scarlett,** **Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Miles, Laurie, Devin, Emma, Sammy, Cody, Owen, Leshawna, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Sky, Zoey, and Justin.  
**

 **Killer Bass: Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Eva, Geoff, Harold, Sadie, Tyler, Taylor, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, B, Ennui, Crimson, Amy, Shawn, Sam, Ella, Beardo, and Topher.**

* * *

"Okay, I think you guys need a break too," Chef said, stretching his legs. "I need to think up somethin', too. Find out what I thought up after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"Okay, we're back, break's over," Chef said to the teens in the computer room. "For part three you will write a sentence describing yourself in _exactly_ six words in _exactly_ five minutes. Whoever doesn't figure one out in time gets booted out the rest of the game and will not be allowed to do the fourth part."

"So I guess today is a last-man-standing challenge?" Topher guessed.

"Yep. Whichever team has more people still in by sundown wins."

"This segment's a little strange, though," Sanders remarked. "Why this?"

"Chris wanted you to write a three-hunnit word essay about how great he is. I didn't think that'd be realistic, so I changed it."

"Good call."

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

Mal kicked at the snow on the ground. "Without Chris on my side to bend the rules for me, I can't do _anything_ that I want to do! Oh _man_ , I'm getting the boot tonight for _sure_!"

Then his eyes widened. "Immunity idols! Of course! I just need to find either my own idol, or someone else's! Come on, Manitoba, I need your treasure-digging skills!"

* * *

 _Mike's mind_

Manitoba, strapped into a strange-looking device, screamed as electricity coursed through his body. Mike's other personas looked on in horror. After about thirty seconds of this, Manitoba slumped.

"EXCELLENT!" they heard Mal's voice boom through their shared brain; the escapees quickly hid behind a box. "Now that I have my own idol, I can give myself four more challenges worth of immunity!" A pause. "Pity it's not someone _else's_ , like Sugar's, Duncan's, or any of those blasted Misfits', but I'll take what I can get." Then their brain fell silent. For a little bit, at least.

"See?" Manitoba grumped on noticing his other selves emerge from the box. "Mike, _this_ is what that bastard does to us."

"'Did', you mean," Mike corrected him. "I'm breaking you guys out."

"Not gonna be easy for _me_ , kid. Look at what's in the water below me." They did, seeing several gelatinous teal blobs that acted like piranhas for some reason. "Okay, so they aren't _real_ brain-eating amoebas, but _imaginary_ brain-eating amoebas are still pretty nasty. And they fight back a lot, too. You're gonna need to figure out what kills these things in order to rescue me, because _this_ isn't something I'm used to as it's really uncommon."

Mike summoned a copy of Scarlett. "Scarlett, I need you to figure out what medication kills brain-eating amoebas." The clone pulled out a bottle labeled "AMPHOTERICIN B". "Oh! _That_ was fast. Vito?"

"On it." Vito cracked open the bottle (literally) and tossed its contents into the water. The amoebas hissed in pain as holes opened in their membranes, causing their insides to leak out. Eventually, they died.

"I will free Gaspadin Smith," Svetlana said, leaping over the amoebas.

"And I'll keep watch in case Mal comes back," Chester added. "Blind in one eye or not."

"Good job, everyone!" Mike complimented them. "One more puzzle and we'll be ready to take Mal down once and for all!"

* * *

Back in the real world, Chef clicked his stopwatch. "TIME! Who didn't write one?" One after another Devin, Leshawna, Zoey, Geoff, Bridgette, Sadie, and Tyler raised their hands. "Alright, you're out of the running. Everybody else, share what you wrote!"

* * *

Heather: "I will beat ALL of you."

* * *

Jo: "Suck it up, you giant babies!"

* * *

Scarlett: "My civilization doth protest too much."

* * *

Alejandro: "It is a miracle I'm unharmed."

* * *

Jacques: "Misfits should shut their stupid mouths."

* * *

Josee: "Give me bronze, I _dare_ you."

* * *

Miles: "My name is _not_ a distance."

* * *

Laurie: "Half and half but all good."

* * *

Emma: "Long time since our last confessional."

* * *

Sammy: "Please do _not_ call me 'Samey'."

"Duly noted," Chef remarked off to the side.

* * *

Cody: "What is the meaning of me?"

* * *

Owen: "I want my own cheese cellar!"

* * *

Noah: "Seventeen years of stupid for _this_?"

"Happy birthday," Emma replied.

"Thanks."

* * *

Sierra: "Loony and croony, that's Sierra Laubach!"

* * *

Jen: "Black is alright, in moderate quantities."

* * *

Sky: "Should my hamstrings bend that far?"

* * *

Justin: "America, I'm glad I left you."

* * *

DJ: "I'm not _that_ big a coward."

* * *

Duncan: "They _wish_ they were this hot."

* * *

Eva: "Next person who annoys me _dies_."

* * *

Harold: "I've got mad skillz for dayz."

* * *

Taylor: "Can my mom be _any_ dorkier?"

* * *

Carrie: "Why can't we just get along?"

* * *

Sanders: "Some day, I'm just gonna _scream_."

* * *

MacArthur: "Our next VR trip shouldn't suck."

* * *

Brick: "Outstanding moral citizen ready for action!"

* * *

B: _I wish I could tell you._

* * *

Ennui: "The darkness will envelop us all."

* * *

Crimson: "We will die in flaming ice."

* * *

Amy: "Gag, I'm surrounded by flipping _idiots_."

* * *

Shawn: "Zombies are gonna eat us all."

* * *

Sam: "How long until graphics exceed eyesight?"

* * *

Ella: "Tourette's doesn't automatically mean constant cursing."

"I thought you had echolalia," Chef remarked.

"Echolalia is often part of Tourette's," Harold explained.

"Ah."

* * *

Beardo: "Somehow I can mimic a jackhammer." He proceeded to demonstrate.

* * *

Topher: "Am I famous yet, my bros?"

"Alright!" Chef said. "That's a wrap. Bass got one more person than Gophers, so they get the advantage for next part!"

"Which is?" Jacques asked.

"Hurdles! Each of you will have one minute to overcome five hurdles. The Bass' advantage is shorter hurdles."

* * *

 **Confessional – Eva and Ella.**

"Are you alright, Eva?" Ella asked. "Your sentence was...disturbing."  


"Not really," Eva grimaced. "You heard what Jacques said about us, right?"

"Yeah, I did. I wish I could understand why people think that putting others beneath them just for being different is alright." She sighed. "Still, it's not all bad. _We're_ still in the game."

"Yeah, you're right. C'mon Ella, let's jump to the beat."

* * *

 **Still in:**

 **Screaming Gophers: Heather, Jo, Scarlett,** **Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Miles, Laurie, Emma, Sammy, Cody, Owen, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Sky, and Justin.  
**

 **Killer Bass: DJ, Duncan, Eva, Harold, Taylor, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, B, Ennui, Crimson, Amy, Shawn, Sam, Ella, Beardo, and Topher.**

* * *

 _Begin montage._

The hurdles were performed. Some better than others. Scarlett, Miles, Emma, Cody, Owen, Harold, Taylor, B, Ennui, Crimson, Sam, and Beardo all tripped over the hurdles at some point, even with some of them shorter.

 _End montage._

* * *

"Alright, now there's twelve of you in both teams. You're matched up evenly. Therefore, neither team will get an advantage in our final exercise of today," Chef said.

"And what _is_ that last part, exactly?" Justin asked.

"See those tables? You gotta lie down on 'em with yer head danglin' off the side. Whichever team has a person fall off first is the loser."

"Oh. Sounds...painful."

"Bright Eyes, if Chris was the one doin' this, he'd have bear traps underneath ya."

"Right, of course."

* * *

 **Still in:**

 **Screaming Gophers: Heather, Jo,** **Alejandro, Jacques, Josee, Laurie, Sammy, Noah, Sierra, Jen, Sky, and Justin.  
**

 **Killer Bass: DJ, Duncan, Eva, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, Amy, Shawn, Sam, Ella, and Topher.**

* * *

 **PAGE 1000! GIVE IT UP FOR PAGE 1000! IF THERE WAS A DOUBT THAT THIS WAS MY LONGEST FANFICTION EVER, IT'S DEAD NOW!**

* * *

So they lay there. "This is...boring," Billy remarked. "Reaching our milestone length aside."

"Yeah, Chef, can we switch focus to someone else?" Carly asked.

"Sure thing."

* * *

The someone else in question was B. _Scarlett, the plan we'd made for today wasn't able to work. What should we do now?_

"I'm not sure. Spread the word to your alliance, most likely. I've been attempting for membership in the Geek alliance, so perhaps if both alliances work together we could foist him out now."

"Foist who?" Tyler asked.

 _Mike_ , B explained. _Or...what WAS Mike, but now is someone else entirely._

"Well, yeah, that's kinda the point of MPD." He paused. "Wait, you're talking about Mal, aren't you?"

"Correct," Scarlett confirmed.

"...aw, _nuts_."

In the background, Mal silently witnessed this and slunk away.

* * *

 **Confessional – Mal.**

"I think I may need to do a little convincing before Bob the Builder over here spills the beans."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Bob the Builder.**

"...what beans?" the befuddled construction worker asked, scratching his head under his hat.  


* * *

 **Confessional – The Nerdinator.**

 **"We don't actually _have_ a BtB fanfic."** I paused. **"Yet."**

* * *

 **Confessional – Tara.**

"Just... _what_ is my boss committing us to?" she facepalmed.  


 **"A BtB fanfic. Was that not abundantly clear?"**

"No, Nerd, that's...fine, we'll figure it out after you finish your other works...whenever that happens."

 **"I know, Tara, I'm bothered by my schedule too. Between this and the Balland of Dominic and all my other crap, I'm stuck. And then there's the...OW! Hand pain."**

"Don't worry, big guy," Stena, the anthropomorphic yellow and blue _Stegosaurus stenops_ who was my secretary, said. "We'll get it done before the next decade's out, you'll see."  


"I certainly hope he will," Tara grumbled.

* * *

Forty minutes later, Sanders finally slid off her table and onto her head. "AGH!"

"Wow, when you said you were gonna scream, you weren't joking," MacArthur noted. "You okay?"

"Fine, just reawakening the concussion I probably got way back in September."

"Medical attention needed over here," Chef said. "Anyway, it looks like the Gophers win today's challenge. Y'all did good. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Killer Bass, someone's gettin' outta here."

* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.**

"Mike said to vote off B, so I'm gonna," Amy said, writing B on a piece of paper. "I mean, it makes sense because B's way smarter than most of us. But it's kinda weird that he wants another person of his own alliance gone...it's just not like him, he's too friendly and nervous to backstab anyone the correct way."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sadie.**

Sadie wrote MIKE on a piece of paper. "If I can even _call_ you 'Mike' rn," she added, frowning.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.**

"Bridgette says Amy, so it's gonna be Amy, I don't have a prob there." He wrote AMY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.  
**

"You know how it is." DJ wrote "NO THANKS" on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Y'all know how we do eliminations," Chef drolled. "When I call your name, get a marshmallow." Only four marshmallows were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because Chris said so. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Bridgette, DJ, Duncan, Eva, Geoff, Harold, Sadie, Tyler, Taylor, Carrie, Sanders, MacArthur, Brick, Ennui, Shawn, Sam, Ella, Beardo, and Topher."

"So I guess I can play _this,_ then?" "Mike" asked, pulling out his immunity idol.

"I guess," Chef sighed. The Misfits collectively groaned as Chef deactivated the idol.

"Blue means you received only one vote against you but we ain't got any." Chef pointed to the two green marshmallows that were sitting on the plate. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Mike was _supposed_ t' get eleven votes and get kicked out, but he's immune, so one of the greens gotta go."

"So I don't get a white one?" "Mike" asked.

"Do I _look_ like the kinda fool who has marshmallows on hand, punk? Anyway, Crimson gets the other one." Crimson didn't react at all.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the edge, red means you just fell off it. B. Amy."

Amy glared at B.

"B, people like ya. Amy, people don't. But with five against two...

...

...

...

...

"Well, B had the second-highest number of votes after Mike, so no suspense there. Sorry kid, but your time here is done."

B sighed and got the red marshmallow sadly. But before he left for the boat, he gave Mal a disapproving look.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.  
**

"I completely forgot about the immunity idols," Owen sighed. "And now we can't even _touch_ him. On the plus side, our entire E-Scope knows about Mal now, so he's not gonna stay here for much longer."

* * *

"Yeah, that sucks," Chef agreed, "but the Misfits are gonna make it suck less. Thirty-nine down. Forty-five remain. Who'll win and who'll lose? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Chris jogged up to him. "So what'd I miss?"

"The entire episode."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO–"

"This gag is gettin' way too dang long."

"Oh, alright, I'll shut up."

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Bridgette – Amy  
**

 ** **DJ – Didn't vote  
****

 ** ** **Duncan – B  
******

 ** ** **Eva – Mike******

 ** **Geoff – Amy  
****

 ** ** **Harold – Crimson  
******

 ** **Sadie – Mike  
****

 ** ** ** **Tyler – Mike  
********

 ** ** ** **Taylor – B  
********

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Carrie – Mike  
****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sanders – Mike************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **MacArthur – Mike  
********************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Brick – Mike  
****************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **B – Mike************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Ennui – B********************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Crimson – B****************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Amy – B  
************************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Shawn – Mike********************************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Sam – Crimson****************************************************************************************

 **Ella ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Didn't vote********************************************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Beardo – Mike  
****************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Mike – B************************************************************************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Topher – Mike  
********************************************************************************

 **Results: 11-5-2-2 Mike-B-Crimson-Amy  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B (ii)****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

 ** **Future eliminations immunized against: Mal (4)****

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

"I can't believe we forgot your birthday, little buddy!" Owen exclaimed the next day in the good cabin, handing Noah a small red cupcake.

"In your defense, this island is very scant on calendars," Noah replied. He licked the icing off before popping the naked cake into his mouth. "Hm, black raspberry. Not bad."

"So _that's_ how you eat a cupcake with minimal mess!" Sky realized. "Wow, Doki Doki got that _way_ wrong!"

"Here, have a pencil," Cody said, handing Noah a pencil.

"And...I have my own gift," Emma said shyly. She gently kissed Noah on the cheek. "There. Now we're even."

Noah went as red as the cupcake had been.


	51. 2-19: Drama for 2000

**With fifty chapters out of the way, it's review time!**

 **Starheart Specials: Thanks! I left the PnF fandom because 1) I matured out of it, 2) I felt like my writing was too angry and Susanna was becoming too sueish, and 3) the cast wanted to try other employment opportunities. But they'll be back! After all, the writers left WAY too many issues unaddressed...**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! When you live at the crossroads of multiple multiverses, it's only natural.**

 **Knifez: Yes, but rigging things is _completely_ in character for Chris, especially here given that he has a very particular agenda. Later chapters are a little more ambiguous as to who's going. Noah finding so many idols is a setup for something very big later on that will change a lot of things; Chris also didn't _exactly_ tell the truth that he'd laid _every_ idol out on the same day. The man wants _certain_ people to stay to the Final Ten, after all. Also, Noah seeming Stuish is largely because his characterization in THD is what he'd be like if he actually _used_ his 180-point IQ. He _is_ flawed, though: he slacks off and he thinks he knows everything that's best for his friends. Note that he doesn't actually _use_ the idols he gets, sans Dakota's.  
**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks for catching that! It's fixed now, Cody has his own sentence. A country only gets one visit per Field Trip, although Hawaii used to be its own country before America basically kidnapped it so Chris might exploit that loophole. I believe Season Three will see the return of wholly outdoors challenges. I don't know what site you asked about, try spacing out the URL in your review because Fanfic is weird about links. The challenge is very different from the original canon's incarnation to highlight Chef's personality** **– strict and to-the-point, but fair.  
**

 **Lara2244: Thanks! You'll see!**

 **Great Idea Alert: Sir or ma'am, you live up to your name! "Hero to Zero" kinda _was_ my version of Super Hero-Id, but I'll try to incorporate your ideas for Ocean's Eight or Nine and the Sand Witch Project in later chapter! Sam and Dakota _are_ going to get closer in the next two seasons, plus they've been getting closer in the series already, either onscreen or offscreen. Remember, a _LOT_ can happen when the cameras aren't rolling!  
**

* * *

 _Friday, January 5, 2018_

"Last time on Total Drama – Chef decided to host the show for a change! [Chris being hungover] Five unique challenges awaited the kids. He tested endurance [Lindsay ringing the bell], agility [Duncan and Alejandro dancing], intelligence [Josee reading her sentence], strength [Owen tripping over a hurdle], and how slippery a table covered in snow actually is! [Sanders falling] An attempt to expose Mal [Scarlett and Zoey going over their plan] didn't take into account quantum randomness. [Mal tiring after the second challenge] But Mike's other personalities are just about to reach the final gauntlet and take back their brain! Oh, and Mal kicked B out via an idol. [B's elimination]"

Chris hopped off a plane and walked into the VR building. "Today's our fortieth challenge. But will it be virtual reality or another piece of _real_ reality?" He entered the main room and strapped one of the VR helmets on.

A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a flat, snow-covered land with a barbershop pole sticking out of the ground. Chris was now an Emperor penguin with his hair, stubble, and beady little black eyes. "Why not both? Forty-five contestants remain. What team will be cooler than cucumbers and whose plans for victory will be put on ice for good? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from a hole in the ice, scaring off an Adelie penguin. Another came from inside a snowdrift, startling a leopard seal. The third popped out of a volcano, then sunk back into it as it melted.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Bridgette, Leshawna, and Geoff being chased by a massive horde of emperor penguins.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

Devin, turned into a pirate, looked through a telescope at a massive cache of gold. Unfortunately, an orca decided to eat his boat, sinking him.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a loosely-held-together table on a tropical island. The table broke, they fell, and a seagull that perched on top of them smirked at the camera as it waggled its behind.

 _*Instrumental*_

Alejandro dropped a crab down MacArthur's pants. It pinched her and she panicked, her massive buttocks instinctively clamping together. White organs went _everywhere_. It looked...wrong, to say the least.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Zoey and Mal glared at each other, the sun refusing to set and burning their faces in the process.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Brick leapt through various holes in foam walls, successfully making it out in one piece.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Harold and Scarlett were doing quite well at a spelling competition. Sugar...not so much.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Noah and Sam were racing on something from Antarctica worth racing on. In other words, _Cryolophosaurus_.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Emma presented Sammy with a Prize for Sticking It Out.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Owen placed a snowball into a paper cone and doused it in blue syrup, before happily licking his resulting snow cone.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Amy and Scott looked each other in the eyes...and Dakota and Phil dragged them both away, Scott because he'd already been eliminated and Amy because why the heck not?

* * *

 _Team E-Scope  
_

"Okay everybody, B is gone, as you know," Noah began. "Mal is immune for the next four challenges. Any suggestions?"

"We could get his immunity revoked," Shawn said. "Not sure how well that'd work, though. Especially because we'd have to ask Chris to do it, and Chris...doesn't like us."

"THAT'S putting it lightly."

"Besides, Mal found the idol fair and square," Brick added. "So we couldn't get Chris to punish him even a _little_ bit."

"Brick, since _when_ has Mal done anything fair?" Emma asked, incredulous. "He cheated Izzy and Cameron out of the game early! And I'm pretty sure he messed up the challenge that got Stephanie eliminated, too."

"I understand that, and I'm not pardoning him for his nefarious actions. But this game has rules and we have to respect them."

"You're right, but maybe it's time we make our _own_ rules."

"Not today, Emma!" Chris said cheerfully, sticking his head into the room they were using. "It's challenge time!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Beardo.  
**

"Chris _better_ not tell anyone what our meaning was about," Beardo frowned.  


* * *

 _VR Room_

"Uh, Chris? Why are all of our circles blank?" Heather asked. "Did you forget to print our teams?"

"Nope! _You're_ gonna pick your teams for a change!" Chris explained. "As you don't know, today we're scheduled for _both_ a field trip _and_ a virtual trip. So instead of leaving one out, I combined them! First you're gonna do a VR challenge that will determine your teams for the Field Trip, which shall take you to somewhere in Canada where you've never been. I had to use the country we live in because going too far would take too long."

"So where's the _other_ one going to?" Jen asked.

"Don't know, haven't decided. BUT the VR trip will take us to another land – the only place I'm legally not allowed to bring you to in real life. Once you're there, you'll race to the finish line. The first nine people to reach it will form our first team, ten through eighteen our second team, and so on and so forth. Good luck!"

An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a white wasteland appeared on the canvas screen...

* * *

"We're... _penguins_?!" Leshawna said. All of them were Gentoo penguins, each with different eye colors and feather morphologies to tell them apart.

"Yep!" Chris, in his penguin form, said. "Welcome to Antarctica! The only place I'm legally not allowed to bring you to in real life on account of it being cold enough to freeze ammonia!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Jasmine.  
**

"Half the countries in the world are incredibly unsafe for foreigners and they _aren't_ off-limits?!" Jasmine exclaimed in disbelief. The confessionals were held on a gray whale corpse. "Just _what_ is that man _thinking_?!"  


* * *

"And...we're racing to the South Pole, aren't we?" Jo asked.

"Indeed we are!"

"Figures."

"Anyway, time to get racing! And make it quick, we don't have all day to get to our other location."

"How long is the race?" Jacques asked.

"Only a thousand feet. But good luck pulling that off with a penguin waddle." Chris laughed and exited the game.

"Hey, I _am_ a penguin. The king of the ice. I can manage this just fine," Jacques flopped onto his belly and began sliding, but didn't get very far.

"Yeah, I don't think that works with ground this flat," Bridgette remarked.

"You appear to be right," Jacques, for once, agreed.

* * *

The trek to the South Pole was filled mostly by silence. The Misfits, however, were not so quiet.

"So...is the South Pole like, gonna be some stripey thingy like it is in cartoons?" Lindsay asked.

"Well, there _is_ such a pole in real life, and we _are_ a cartoon, so I think you're right," Sanders replied. "So once we see it, we try to move as fast as we can without tripping."

"And keep going. I remember reading something about the _actual_ South Pole having a different marker, one that has to be constantly readjusted due to glacial drift."

"Really? Good thing you caught that," Eva remarked. "Looks like it's gonna be a longer walk after all." There was silence once again. "I hope the teams we get into are reasonable, at least."

Noah scoffed. "Don't we all?"

* * *

In the background, Mal watched them. "Is there something bothering you, my friend?" Alejandro asked, taking notice.

"No, nothing's wrong. It's just...cold," "Mike" laughed.

"Ah, of course. This is too far inland for a penguin, especially for a gentoo. If only we were swimming, for we are the fastest of all penguins."

"Yeah, that sounds like it'd be a lot more fun." The silence resumed, while the tension between them quietly boiled.

* * *

 **Confessional – Mal.  
**

"I couldn't hear those twerps from as far away as I was, and the wind wasn't much help," Mal panicked. "But I _swear_ that Team E-Scope's onto me. I mean, I got _ELEVEN_ votes last night! Eleven! Where did they come from? Where did they go?"  


"Where did they come from, cotton-eyed Joe?" snarked a brown skua who'd been feeding on the whale corpse.

"No one asked you." Mal turned to face the camera again. "And Alejandro can't _possibly_ be falling for my schtick either. He's not as smart as Noah, 165 to Wodeyar's 180, but 165 is still extremely intelligent. And considering that he's got _loads_ more experience manipulating people than Noah has..." He sighed. "This might be my last show, guys. Welp, it was fun while it lasted!" He made a derp face.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.  
**

"My suspicions do not seem to be misplaced," Alejandro mused. "I will tell Duncan and Devin about this once I get a chance to." He paused. "Huh. Our initials spell out the word 'add'. Interesting, very interesting indeed."  


* * *

Several virtual-world minutes later, a striped pole came into view. However, the Misfits, along with the Geeks, Scarlett, and Jasmine, wisely kept on walking, walking until they reached a sign, an American flag, and a metal stake in the ice.

Chris suddenly materialized into the virtual world. "Not bad! The Misfits remembered their geography!"

"Helps that I was in a penguin phase at some point in my childhood," Sanders shrugged.

"Noah, Emma, Ella, Beardo, Tyler, Lindsay, Carrie, Owen, and Shawn, you are Team Alpha!" They disappeared from the virtual world. "Brick, MacArthur, Sanders, Eva, Harold, Cody, Sam, Jasmine, and Scarlett, you are Team Beta!" They disappeared next. "Hurry it up, the rest of you, we need our next three teams!"

One chaotic scramble later, the remaining twenty-seven kids were piled in a dazed heap underneath the stake. Chris dealt the rest of the teams. "Jen, Leshawna, Justin, Jacques, Mike, Laurie, Duncan, Heather, and Geoff, you are Team Gamma! Topher, Amy, Sammy, Alejandro, Jo, Zoey, DJ, Sky, and Sierra, you are Team Delta! Everyone else who came here last, you are Team Epsilon!" With that, everyone disappeared from the virtual world.

* * *

 **Team Alpha:** **Noah, Emma, Ella, Beardo, Tyler, Lindsay, Carrie, Owen, and Shawn.**

 **Team Beta:** **Brick, MacArthur, Sanders, Eva, Harold, Cody, Sam, Jasmine, and Scarlett.**

 **Team Gamma:** **Jen, Leshawna, Justin, Jacques, Mike, Laurie, Duncan, Heather, and Geoff.**

 **Team Delta:** **Topher, Amy, Sammy, Alejandro, Jo, Zoey, DJ, Sky, and Sierra.**

 **Team Epsilon:** **Sugar,** **Josee, Miles, Devin,** **Bridgette, Sadie, Taylor, Ennui, and Crimson.**

* * *

"And now to our second part, where the REAL fun begins!" Chris declared back in the real world.

"And lunch, hopefully," Owen said. "I'm _starving!_ "

"Yes, yes, you're getting lunch," Chris said, rolling his eyes.

"How do you kids feel about reheated last night's spaghetti?" Chef asked. "'Cuz I've got a surplus that's gotta go _soon_." The kids felt that was reasonable.

* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.  
**

"Wow, Chef's not trying to make gross food anymore!" DJ mused. "He must be warming up to us! Well, only a little bit, but still!"  


* * *

 _Some time later_

"Greater Sudbury, Ontario, Canada. The fifth-largest city in Canada and the largest in Ontario by area, an area which is about 130% that of _Delaware!_ " Chris announced as the campers got off the planes and entered an auditorium. On the stage were five podiums. "Why, my friends, did I choose _this_ of all places? Why, my friends, is this otherwise obscure city worth my valuable time?" _  
_

"First of all, we're not your friends," Jo said flatly.

"Harsh, dudette. Harsh."

"Second of all, was some celebrity born here or something?"

"You are correct! A celebrity was born here! But _who_ , exactly? Might have to _think_ for this one!"

"'Think'," Harold mused. "Oh!" A lightbulb materialized over his head. Then said bulb _fell_ on his head. "Gosh! Stupid overdone gag. Isn't Greater Sudbury Alex Trebek's hometown?"

"Indeedy-do! This is our second challenge for today. I've compiled a list of several Jeopardy! questions that no one got right and I'm gonna challenge _you_ to answer them yourselves!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Dudley.**

"THAT must be why Chris is so cheap! He was saving up to get enough money to buy rights to Jeopardy questions."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Chef.**

"As someone who's used to handlin' Chris' money, he's been cheap since _way_ before he created this show."

* * *

"Here's how this will work. One person from each team will step up to the podiums." Brief pan to the podiums, then back over to Chris. "I will ask that person, in Greco-alphabetical order of teams, one question, and standard Jeopardy! answering procedure. If they get it right, they get the points. If they don't, they _lose_ the points they had originally. No one gets to steal questions because we don't have the time to do that. We will rotate people out in alphabetical order every time someone gets a question wrong. Whichever team has the most questions answered correctly and therefore the most points by the time I run out of things to ask wins the game! And we all know what happens to the loser."

Mal nodded darkly.

* * *

 _Mike's mind_

"Okay, everybody! This is it! The very last puzzle!" Mike announced. Behind the massive gates was a tall, jagged tower whose spire crackled with blood red lightning.

"So howda we open da gates?" Vito asked.

"This must be Ruqa's challenge," Manitoba remarked. "Ah, I miss that woman. Still kinda weird that I basically fell in love with myself, innit?"

"Yeah, kind of," Mike agreed. He located the final instruction on the wall. "'To open these gates, you must perform the Five-Man Flip, which will launch one of you over the gate and activate it. However, activating the gate will squash whoever opens it. Are you willing to make that sacrifice?'"

"Sadistic choice," Svetlana gulped. "Really is Ruqa's kind of challenge."

"Luckily, clones are expendable," Mike replied. "Harold, I'm gonna need your Mad Skillz." He summoned a copy of Harold colored in Mike's colors. "You guys go figure out how to launch Harold, I need to prepare for Mal's defeat. And I think I know just how I'm gonna do it." His other selves grinned deviously on hearing this.

* * *

Back in the real world, Beardo, Brick, Duncan, Alejandro, and Bridgette took their spots at their respective podiums. Alpha's was fiery red, Beta's was dark blue-green, Gamma's was light yellow-orange, Delta's was carnation pink, and Epsilon's was light gray.

"Well!" Chris smirked. "What am I gonna ask? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 **Confessional – Alex Trebek.**

"I do _not_ endorse that man."

* * *

"... _not_ the kind of message that I was hoping for."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. "It's challenge time and Beardo's got our first question. If you get this right, you will get 400 points." Chris pressed a button on his remote and a projector screen came down from the ceiling, opposite the stage and bearing the question that Chris proceeded to read. "'A 2016 interview with this Batman actor found him looking sad; the internet then made him the meme we deserve.'"

"Who is Ben Affleck?" Beardo guessed.

"Correct!" Beardo breathed a sigh of relief. Chris clicked the next question onto the screen. "Brick, 600 points. 'A common sight was walking around Monet who worked outdoors, as in a cliff walk in this Channel-side French region.'"

"...I couldn't understand that question's grammar, but what is Normandy?"

"Correct! Duncan, 600 points. 'Modern auto safety took a big step in '66 as LBJ signed bills mandating seat belts & rupture-resistant these.'"

"What are air bags?"

"WRONG! Fuel tanks." Duncan growled to himself. His score turned red. "Alejandro, 1200 points. 'At the Montreux Jazz Festival, you might see smoke on the water of this Swiss lake's shoreline.'"

"What is Lake Geneva?"

"Correct! Bridgette, 3000 points. 'Constitution Day is September 17; this related set is celebrated every December 15.'"

"What's the Bill of Rights?"

"Correct! Round one is over! Carrie, Cody, Geoff, Amy, and Crimson, you're up!"

* * *

 **ROUND ONE RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 400**

 **Beta: 600**

 **Gamma:** **–600**

 **Delta: 1200**

 **Epsilon: 3000**

* * *

"What's with the uneven wagers?" Carrie asked.

"I pulled them off various lists online, even though most of these questions haven't actually been asked until _next_ year."

"...then how do you _have_ them?"

"The magic of cartoons, that's how! Also our writer's too lazy to check the dates." A tin can launched by a tail strike from the audience box off-set hit Chris on the back of his head. "OW!" The contestants laughed at his misfortune. "Anyway! Carrie, 400 points. 'On July 21, 1861 the Union attacked the Confederates near a stone bridge crossing this creek in the first battle of it.'"

"What's...the First Battle of Bull Run?"

"Correct! Cody, 1000 points. The portal vein brings venous blood to the liver, while _this_ artery brings oxygenated arterial blood.'"

"What's the hepatic artery?"

"Correct! Geoff, 200 points. 'Stove placement of lower priority items.'"

"Uh...what?"

"WRONG! The back burner is where you put those."

"What kind of question is _that?_ " Amy asked, incredulous.

"The best kind: tricky! Speaking of Amy, yours is worth 1000 points. 'In 1965 John Irving entered this Midwest school's prestigious writers workshop & worked with Kurt Vonnegut.'"

"Uh...Nebraska?"

"WRONG! _Iowa_."

"Aren't they all like the same state though?"

Chris ignored her. "Crimson! 1200 points. 'This train sung of by blues artists got its name from its 12:05 A.M. departure en route to Parchman Penitentiary.'"

"What was the Midnight Special?" she asked flatly.

"Correct! Round two is over! Ella, Eva, Heather, DJ, and Devin, you're up!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.**

" _Figures_ that the goth gets the one about prison right," Amy muttered.

* * *

 **ROUND TWO RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 800**

 **Beta: 1600**

 **Gamma:** **–800**

 **Delta: 200**

 **Epsilon: 4200**

* * *

"Ella, 1800 points. 'It's the only country that borders both the Caspian Sea and the Persian Gulf.'"

"What is Iran?"

"Correct! Eva, 600 points. 'In 1937 his sister said he had 'hats of every description,' which he would use as a "foundation of his next book.'"

"Who's Doctor Seuss?"

"Correct! Heather, 500 points. 'He came to power 34 days before FDR and left it 19 days after him.'"

"Who was Hitler?"

"Correct! DJ, 3000 points. 'Both making news in June, these 2 Davids with similar last names are LeBron's new coach and Eric Cantor's conqueror.'"

"I...don't know."

"WRONG! Davids Blatt and Brat. Devin, 6400 points. 'A 2012 poll by Britain's national army museum voted this man, born in 1732, as the nation's greatest military enemy.'"

"Uh...George Washington?"

"Correct! Round three is over! Emma, Harold, Jacques, Jo, and Ennui, you're up!"

* * *

 **ROUND THREE RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 2600**

 **Beta: 2200**

 **Gamma:** **–300**

 **Delta:** ** **–** 2800**

 **Epsilon: 10600**

* * *

 _Mike's mind_

The flip was performed as required, and the Harold clone exploded into smoke when the gate fell on top of him. "Awright! We got it!" Manitoba cheered. "Hey, Mike, there y'are. You figure it out?"

"I did indeed," Mike grinned.

* * *

Back in the real world, Chris continued. "Emma, 2000 points. 'He was featured on the September 22, 1947 cover of Time with the caption 'He and the boss took a chance.''"

"Who was Jackie Robinson?"

"Correct! Harold, 4000 points. 'Subtract a letter from the name of a keystroke found in computer commands and you get this violent reaction to social change.'"

"What is backlash from back _slash?_ " he guessed.

"Correct! Jacques, 4800 points. 'This country's coat of arms features a palm tree and a 19th century American sailing ship.'

"I...do not know."

"WRONG! Liberia." Jacques grimaced. "Jo, 8300 points. 'A popular product was born when Jean Naigeon of this city substituted the juice of unripe grapes for vinegar.'"

"What's dijon mustard?"

"Correct, and you are no longer in the red! Ennui, 600 points. 'Although she has appeared in only 2 Broadway musicals, she got Tony nominations for both, for 1962 and 1964.'"

"Who is Barbra Streisand?" Ennui drolled.

"Correct! Round four is over! Lindsay, Jasmine, Jen, Samey, and Josee, you're up in our middle, all-girl round of fun!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Jasmine.**

"'Chris' and 'fun' don't belong in the same sentence," Jasmine said, doing air quotes when necessary.  


* * *

 **ROUND FOUR RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 4600**

 **Beta: 6200**

 **Gamma:** **–5100**

 **Delta:** ** **55** 00**

 **Epsilon: 11200**

* * *

"Lindsay, 1800 points. 'This machine was invented in 1929; the government began buying them to help prevent any more in a series of Army Air Corps fatalities.'"

"What's the airbag?"

"WRONG! The flight simulator. Jasmine, 1600 points. 'On August 15, 1994, 59 years and 1 day after FDR signed the original act, Bill Clinton made this an independent agency.'"

"What's the Social Security Administration?"

"Correct! Jen, 2800 points. 'The title subject of a 2007 bestseller, it was discovered in Australia where today it's a state emblem.'"

"What's a black swan?"

"We'll accept that! Samey, 4000 points. 'This Brit is the only actor to get Oscar nominations for playing two real-life U.S. Presidents, both for 1990s films.'"

"Who's Anthony Hopkins?" Sammy guessed.

"Correct! Josee, 6600 points. 'A Christian hymn and a Jewish holiday hymn are both titled this, also the name of a 2009 Tony-nominated musical.'"

"What is Rock of Ages?"

"Correct!"

"Ah thought it were '[K word]y Boots," Sugar said, confused.

"That's...no, why would you even _think_ that?!" Josee asked, bewildered.

"Round five is over! Noah, MacArthur, Justin, Sierra, and Miles, you're up!"

* * *

 **ROUND FIVE RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 2800**

 **Beta: 7800**

 **Gamma:** **–2300**

 **Delta: 9** ** **5** 00**

 **Epsilon: 17800**

* * *

"Noah, 200 points. 'Sink it and you've scratched.'"

"The cue ball."

"Correct! MacArthur, 200 points. 'Aztek and Grand Prix.' Who made them?"

"Easy!" MacArthur scoffed. "Pontiac! I _know_ my cars, trust me."

"Alright then! Justin, 200 points. 'Usually roasted, squab is a young one of these birds.'"

"What's a pigeon?"

"Correct! Sierra, 200 points. 'This Star Wars movie, Episode III, leads up to where the original movie began.'"

"What's Revenge of the Sith?"

"Correct! Miles, 200 points. 'New Orleans bartender Henry Ramos invented the Ramos Fizz, made with cream, egg whites, lime juice, and this liquor.'"

"I'm underage, why would I know about alcohol?" Miles asked, perturbed.

"WRONG! The booze you lose to is gin. Round six is over! Owen, Sam, Laurie, Sky, and Sadie, you're up!"

* * *

 **ROUND SIX RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 3000**

 **Beta: 8000**

 **Gamma:** **–2100**

 **Delta: 9** ** **7** 00**

 **Epsilon: 17600**

* * *

"Owen, 2000 points. 'Madame Medusa and a pair of crocodiles torment the title mice in this Disney classic.'"

"What's The Rescuers?"

"Correct! Sam, 2000 points. 'To this Dutch dependency that's the southern third of a Caribbean island, yes; it gets a 'double-A' rating.'"

"What's Saint Maarten?"

"Correct! Laurie, 600 points. 'Chateau Gaillard overlooks the Seine, but it was built by this leonine ruler who lost it to the French in 1204.'"

"Who was Richard the Lionheart?"

"Correct! Sky, 1600 points. 'Bell co-invented what's said to be the first of these devices, testing it on Civil War vets with bullets still in their bodies.'"

"What's a metal detector?"

"Correct! Sadie, 1000 points. 'From the Latin word for rainbow, the colorful lining of an abalone shell is described by this adjective.'"

"What's iridescent?"

"Correct! Round seven is over! Shawn, Sanders, Leshawna, Topher, and Sugar, you're up!"

* * *

 **ROUND SEVEN RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 5000**

 **Beta: 10000**

 **Gamma:** **–1500**

 **Delta: 113** **00**

 **Epsilon: 18600**

* * *

"Shawn, 600 points. Name the state that 'The Rapid City Journal' comes from."

"Uh...crap, I don't know...Washington?"

"WRONG! South Dakota. Sanders, 600 points. 'Within linguistics, this -ics is the study of meaning.'"

"What are semantics?"

"Correct! Leshawna, 200 points. 'Named for the famous brothers and a WW1-era pilot, Wright-Patterson AFB is just east of this Ohio aviation city.'"

"What is...Dayton?"

"Correct! Topher, 800 points. 'The beginning of this Michener collection mentions the 'coconut palms nodding gracefully'.'"

"What's...I don't know, man."

"WRONG! _Tales from the South Pacific_. Sugar, 1600 points. 'Ben Franklin designed a chair with a built-in stepladder to be used in this room of his house.'"

"What's a mancave?"

"WRONG! Library."

"Who in tarnation has a liberry inside their house?"

"Someone who was born WAY before television was invented! Round eight is over! Tyler, Scarlett, Mike, Zoey, and Taylor, you're up in our final round!"

* * *

 **ROUND EIGHT RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 4400**

 **Beta: 16000**

 **Gamma:** **–1300**

 **Delta: 105** **00**

 **Epsilon: 17000**

* * *

"Tyler, 1600 points. 'Don Henley hit #5 with this song whose title he got from a book about the Brooklyn Dodgers.'"

"Ooh, I _know_ this one! What's 'The Boys of Summer'?"

"Correct! Scarlett, 600 points. 'To combat fuel shortages, Congress enacted this for almost ten months in 1974, from January to October.'"

"What is the pointlessness known as Daylight Savings Time?"

"Correct! Mike, 1000 points. 'Tecumseh was a member of this Native American tribe of the Ohio Valley.'"

Mal was about to answer but suddenly shuddered before gasping. "Who are the Shawnee?" Mike, the _real_ Mike for the first time in over a month, asked.

"Correct! And...wait a minute! Mike, is that _really_ you?"

"Yep!" He gasped again and passed out.

* * *

 _Mike's mind_

Mal broke free from the hold of the other personalities holding him back so Mike could take control. "MIKE! I'm gonna KILL YOU and KILL YOU AGAIN! I will NOT rest until THE WORLD IS MY SLAVE!"

"Sorry mate, can't let ya do that," Manitoba replied. "You've been mucking us up for too long."

"Yeah!" Chester agreed. "You killed some of our best mental friends and have been driving away our real ones!"

"I don't NEED friends!" Mal snapped as he lunged at his primary.

"Yes, you DO!" Mike replied, sidestepping him, causing Mal to land hard on his face. "I only got this far because of my friends. And you're trying to hurt them! Mal, we gave you a chance to redeem yourself all those years ago."

"And ya [f word]in' wasted it," Vito said. "So we gots no choice but to get ridda ya."

"HOW?! Only _I_ can kill other personalities!"

"Yeah, but you should've paid _way_ more attention to where your birth neuron is!" Mike retorted. He pressed a button in Mal's tower. The tower was the physical manifestation of Mike's central nervous system control, and the birth neuron was the original cell that fired in a way different from the body's original personality pattern.

Normally, the button Mike pressed would've made him scratch his ear, but he'd done a little bit of rewiring. Now Mal's birth neuron was overloaded with electrical impulses, far more than a single cell could handle.

As the pulses built up, Mike and Mal fought, in an epic battle you'd have to see in order to believe. But, eventually, the impulses hit and Mal's birth neuron was baked into oblivion. With a cry of anguish, Mal bubbled and boiled, until he was nothing more than a stain on the floor.

"I should...fix up our nerves, probably," Svetlana commented. "We do not want annoying pain in head for rest of time."

"Yeah, I need to be here. Thanks, Svet. Thanks all of you. We've done it," Mike said, panting heavily.

* * *

Mike woke up in the real world. "Ow...what happened?"

"Are you okay, man?" Geoff asked. "You're not the...evil you?"

"Never again. And Chris?"

"What?" Chris asked.

"I'd like to...quit the game. Mal cheated a lot of people out of a fair chance at the win, and...I think other people deserve to win more than I do at this point. So I think I'd like to go back home."

Chris shrugged. "Hey, with a score of minus three hundred, your team was gonna lose anyway. So Gamma automatically loses and will send someone to Boney Island! Anyway, Zoey, 1200 points. 'Hey, Bobby – from the habits they once wore, a Franciscan order of Britain and Ireland is known as this color friars.'"

"What is...purple?"

"WRONG! Gray. Taylor, 400 points. 'On Seinfield, Jerry is compelled to wear one of these after an encounter with a 'low talker'."

"No one watches that piece of crap!"

"WRONG! The puffy shirt. Looks like Beta and Epsilon are tied! Dakota, Phil, you're up for the tiebreaker!" The ex-contestants took their spots. "1600 points. 'Its alias is turnip cabbage.' Phil?"

"I dunno," Phil grimaced.

"WRONG! Dakota?"

"What is kohlrabi?" Dakota asked. "I remember eating that at one of Daddy's business parties..."

"Well, your memory served you as correctly as the waiters! With eighteen thousand two hundred points, Team Beta wins! Their prize? A trip to the Toronto Zoo! Since it's winter, you'll have less competition from snot-nosed toddlers.

"Epsilon with ten k points, Delta with ninety-three hundred points, and Alpha with five k points, you guys are the runners-up! Your prize? Fried warty squid, clam chowder, carrageen salad, and the algae chickens are back!"

"Gamma, you lost. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Team Gamma, we need to exile someone!"

"Wait, what about Mike's immunity?" Harold asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Mike remembered. "Since you're the one that asked, Harold, _you_ can have it!"

"Really? Gosh! Thanks a bunch! I won't let you down!" the Dweeb promised.

* * *

 ** **FINAL** RESULTS:**

 **Alpha: 5000**

 **Beta: 18200**

 **Gamma:** **–300**

 **Delta: 93** **00**

 **Epsilon: 10000**

 **WINNER: Beta**

 **RUNNER-UPS: Alpha, Delta, Epsilon**

 **LOSER: Gamma**

* * *

 **Confessional – Leshawna.**

"I can't BELIEVE Chris! He didn't tell us that someone was tryna' hurt us?" Leshawna growled, shaking her head in disappointment. She wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Duncan.**

"I don't trust Leshawna. I'm _positive_ that she's got a deal with Harold and some of the other chumps." Duncan scoffed as he wrote LESHAWNA on a piece of paper. "Who even _likes_ nerds?"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Heather.**

"I'm just glad I don't have to eat those _disgusting_ algae chickens again," Heather gagged as she wrote GEOFF on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Laurie.  
**

"I think _someone_ needs to learn true suffering." She wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said, back on the island with the planes in the background. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Five of the eight marshmallows were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because drama isn't a trivial matter. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Jen, Heather, and Justin." The three of them got their marshmallows.

Next, Chris pointed to the three blue marshmallows on the plate. "Blue means you received only one vote against you, and this marks the first time an exiling elimination features them. After all, _this_ time we've got more than just two people with votes. Leshawna and Geoff, you have your first votes against you. Laurie, I believe this is your _third_ such vote."

"Wow, when was the last time anyone voted for me?" Laurie asked in disbelief.

Close shot of the two remaining marshmallows. "Yellow means you were _almost_ voted onto Boney Island. Black means you definitely were. Jacques. Duncan."

The boys looked at each other, apprehensive.

"Jacques, you're evil. Duncan, so are you, but slightly less so. With only a vote less...

...

...

...

...

"Duncan stays here."

Jacques grimaced. "I will _end_ whoever did this to me," he swore.

* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.  
**

Geoff gulped nervously. "I'm so screwed."  


* * *

"Probably," Chris shrugged. "And oh how _fun_ that will be! Forty down. Forty-four remain. Who'll be frostbitten out of here and who'll enter our tournament of champions? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

Suddenly, something green and slimy hit him in the face, causing him to scream in horror. In the background, Jo and Topher high-fived, having chucked a lump of algae and chicken fat at him for not letting them know about Mal.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Mike** ** ** **– Couldn't vote******

 **Jen – Jacques  
**

 ** **Leshawna – Duncan  
****

 ** ** **Justin – Duncan  
******

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jacques – Laurie  
**************

 ** ** **Laurie – Jacques  
******

 ** **Duncan – Leshawna  
****

 ** ** **Heather – Geoff  
******

 ** **Geoff – Jacques****

 **Results: 3-2-1-1-1 Jacques-Duncan-Leshawna-Laurie-Geoff  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B (ii), Mike (q)****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)**

 ** **Future eliminations immunized against: Harold (3)****

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Back in the virtual world, a camera was left running at the confessional location. Suddenly, four male Adelie penguins backflipped onto the whale corpse. "Skipper's log!" began one of them, whose head was noticeably flat. "We have made it back to our homeland. Antarctica. The kind of name that rolls off our freaky-looking spine-covered tongues. Kowalski, analysis."

"'Artic' is derived from the Greek word for 'bear' as they believed the northernmost constellations resembled oddly long-tailed bears," the tall and thin one said. "'Antarctic' means 'opposite the Arctic', so therefore this continent is against bears."

Skipper faceflippered. "Not _that_! I was asking for an analysis of the _gigantic dead body_ that we're standing on!"

"Oh," Kowalski said, his face visibly draining through his feathers. "Well...we don't know _how_ she got beached. Was her electromagnetic sense confused? Was it a dare from her pod gone horribly wrong? Was it suicide? We will never know. What we _do_ know is that it clearly happened a long time ago, long enough so that I can get a good sense of the condition of her adrenal glands as they were upon death."

"I think I'm gonna be sick," the shortest and plumpest one said, trying hard not to retch. "Poor girl..."

"Yeah, I think so too, Private," Skipper agreed. "Well, time to head back home, as soon as we figure out what Rico's freaking out about that is. What is it, boy?" The last penguin, a scar on his face and his head feathers messy, had been wildly gesticulating at the camera, and finally gave up and coughed up a large foam hand with an extended index finger to point at it more obviously.

Skipper paled. "Blowhole! He's onto us! Abort mission, abort, abort, ABORT!" The penguins disappeared offscreen as quickly as they'd come onscreen.

Watching the whole spectacle, the skua groaned. "Lousy rotten good-for-nothing New Yorkers always sticking their beaks where they don't belong," he muttered to himself before resuming eating.


	52. 2-20: The Princess Pride

**Review time!**

 **Concerned Review: Hand pain, plus I needed some time to research some things. Those who ate the Ninth Course will be fine since the radiation in the parts of the tree octopus eaten were negligible (although they would've been worse off if they ate its _brains_ , though, and yes I do mean brains plural).**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! Mike and Zoey's relationship will grow a little more after she's eliminated herself further down the road. Chris throws out the footage of most of said scenes, so unfortunately there won't be too much material for us to see regarding that. I don't hint at the next chapter's challenge because I don't decide what's getting adapted next until the one I just finished gets published. And regarding the 300k mark, that's gonna happen next chapter! The penguins wanted a jab at a crossover because their movie wasn't up to their par, so I obliged.  
**

* * *

 _Monday, January 8, 2018_

"Last time on Total Drama – two challenges for the pain of one! [Jacques as a penguin] Okay, so it wasn't _really_ as painful as our usual challenges, the kids need a break every once in a while. [Chris explaining the Jeopardy! portion of the day's challenge] For their _bodies_ , that is! [Chris declaring Miles' answer was wrong] After choosing our teams at the bottom of the world [the tangled heap at the South Pole], we exercised our brain muscles! [Heather getting her answer right] And Mike exercised his willpower to get rid of Mal for good! [Mal dying] Still don't know how we saw the inside of his mind. However, Mal's actions left an indelible mark on his reputation, so Mike eliminated himself before his teammates could do it for him. [Mike's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Forty-four contestants remain. What team will be cooler than cucumbers and whose plans for victory will be put on ice for good? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

 _Mess Hall_

"Hey everybody!" Owen exclaimed, getting everyone else's attention. "Burrito contest!"

"Burrito contest?" Jasmine asked. "You okay, mate?"

"Yeah! I was thinking that we _really_ need to lie back and relax. So I thought this might help us take our minds off of what happened last challenge!"

Jasmine considered this. "I'm down. What're the rules?"

"Make a burrito using a tortilla [he pulled out a tortilla], Chef's brown slop [he dumped his tray's contents into the middle of the tortilla], and any other ingredients to make it look like you!" He finished by folding the burrito into a roughly round shape, then sprinkled some cheese on one side, put two black peppercorns beneath the patch, and doodled a teal maple leaf in the center of the circular burrito using powdered sugar.

"Righteous, dude!" Geoff exclaimed. "But like, how do we know who won?"

"The most realistic burrito will win! And don't worry, I'm not gonna eat them. Only _my_ burrito gets my approval!" Owen declared.

* * *

 **Confessional – Owen.**

"Because I'm the only person who I know where their hands have been." He paused. "Was that grammar correct or was it not? I'm confused."

* * *

 **Confessional – Ennui.**

"Owen is right," Ennui said emotionlessly. "What Mal could have done...it is a terrifying prospect to think about, someone with the sheer freedom to get away with seriously injuring us. Mike was brave in leaving the game, for who _knows_ what might hurt him had he decided to stay?" He shook his head solemnly.  


* * *

 _Some time later_

"Annnnnd..." Owen did his final round of inspection. "Justin is the winner!" Justin's burrito, while ugly, did include even the tiniest details of his body.

"Hey, a model knows every square inch of himself," Justin shrugged.

Chef walked into the room, dressed centuries out of date, and blasted a vuvuzela. "Maggots, King Chris demands you go to his court in the Drama Theater. Might wanna hustle breakfast."

"Why does Chris choose the absolute _worst_ times for challenges?" Bridgette grumbled, taking a bite out of her burrito.

"That's a rhetorical question, so therefore you should already know the answer to that," Scarlett quipped.

* * *

 _Crafts/Drama Theater_

"Come one, come all, to the Ugly Bug Ball!" Chris declared. He was wearing a stereotypical knight's helmet. "Break into your original seven teams and I'll explain today's challenge!"

"It's medieval, isn't it?" Eva grunted as she plodded over to the rest of the Green Gators.

"Correct you are! Sorta. It's a very _specific_ kind of medieval. Something...supernatural."

"Fairytale?" Devin guessed.

"And there we go!" Chris smirked. "Since winter is the season in which weird crap happens, I thought January would be _perfect_ for this one!" The campers groaned. "What? Too old for this? _Ella_ isn't." Ella was shocked by this remark.

" _Not_ what we're complaining about, dude," Noah snarked.

"Anyway, we're gonna have one girl on each team be your princess. The rest of you will be some sort of fairytale creature. First, you must cross a bridge guarded by a troll, played by Chef, while blindfolded. Whichever team gets the most members across wins an advantage! That advantage will be useful in rescuing your princess from a tower guarded by a dragon! Team that gets their princess down first wins! Last one down loses the game!"

"So who's gonna be the team princess?" Zoey asked.

Chris responded by throwing a pair of cornflower blue moccasins of the same brand as Tammy's suspiciously-Uggs-looking boots at her face. " _These!_ Did you know that the reason we say Cinderella wore glass slippers is because of a translation error? In the original German, Cindy was sporting _fur_ slippers! Which are frankly more structurally sound and also _way_ cheaper. Only one girl on your team has the exact shoe size needed to fit into these things and I made sure to obscure the size tags on the shoes themselves, so get barefoot and figure out who fits the shoe _perfectly_!"

* * *

 **Red Robins: Owen, Noah, Cody, Ella, Emma, Sierra, and Topher.**

 **Orange Ocelots: Justin, Sadie, Brick, Ennui, and Crimson.**

 **Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Miles, and Laurie.**

 **Green Gators: Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.**

 **Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Leshawna, and Harold.**

 **Blue Beetles: Shawn, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine, Sky, and Jen.**

 **Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Duncan, Tyler, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee.**

* * *

 _Red Robins_

"Okay, there are three girls on our team, meaning that we can do a quick process of elimination without even having to put them on," Emma said, inspecting the burgundy slippers. "I wear a size four, so these are _definitely_ way too big for me."

"And I'm a size eleven, so these are too small for _me_ ," Sierra added. "Ella, what's _your_ size?"

"Seven-and-a-half," Ella revealed.

Cody pulled out a ruler from his left front pants pocket and measured the moccasins. "Nine and a half inches and a little bit," he confirmed. "Noah?"

"It checks out, these are right in the middle at Ella's exact shoe size," Noah said, nodding thoughtfully. "Ella, you ready to be a princess?"

Ella squeed. "AM I **EVER?!** "

* * *

 _Orange Ocelots_

"Good thing we've only got two girls on the team, this makes this _way_ easier," Justin said.

"I know, right?" Sadie agreed. She took off her boots, adjusted her white pink-striped ankle socks, and tried to slip the light brown moccasins on. She didn't get that far, though, for her chubby feet were too wide for the hole. "Well, it's not me. Guess it's you, Crim."

Crimson didn't grimace, but her voice belied her true feelings for a change. "If it is, I will _not_ be happy about not being able to wear black." She removed her boots, fixed her black stockings, and put the moccasins on. She and Sadie had the same shoe size lengthwise, women's eight, but Crimson's feet weren't quite as wide as Sadie's, so they slipped into the moccasins no problem. "Botheration."

"My love, we must suffer if we are to get ahead in our lives," Ennui said, trying to comfort her.

"Chris has made us suffer _enough_."

"An excellent counterpoint."

* * *

 _Yellow Yaks_

"Oh, so Izzy _did_ teach you how to make stirrups!" Carrie exclaimed, admiring Lindsay's handiwork. They were red, with a thin white stripe ringing the holes for the calf, heel, and front of the foot. "They're so _cute_! I love them!"

"Thanks!" Lindsay beamed, flexing her white-painted toes. "I'm really glad my mind's getting better enough so that I can fix my own clothes! Although I _do_ need to wear socks on my _socks_ in wintertime with these." In her hand were two black ankle socks that she'd worn over top of her stirrups as extra protection. She turned to her team and asked "Can I try next?"

"What point is there?" Taylor, having failed to keep the beige moccasins on due to her size six feet being too small for them, scoffed. Laurie and Miles had proven to be a size too small for them at US seven. "Your feet are _humongous_! No _way_ they're gonna fit in these."

"Just because size fourteen shoes are hard to find doesn't mean they aren't _made_!" Lindsay protested. "I have like, five _pairs_ on the island!"

"Yeah, and all but one are MEN'S shoes."

"Taylor, please, let the girl at least _try_ ," Alejandro pleaded calmly. Taylor rolled her eyes but handed Lindsay the moccasins anyway. Right away Lindsay could tell that they would be much too short for her massive dogs.

"Hey, wait," Lindsay said suddenly, picking up the moccasins and inspecting them. "These are like, _super_ skinny! Heidi, your feet are skinny and these look like they're size eights, so these must be for you!"

"'Heidi'?" Laurie snickered, while Miles tried to hold in her giggles but was clearly failing miserably. " _That's_ a new one."

"Shut up!" Heather snapped, taking the shoes. They fit her perfectly, a discovery that appeared to placate her. "Well! Looks like you're gonna be taking orders from _me_ from now on."

Taylor fumed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Taylor.**

"One of these days. One of these days I am gonna SCREW that literal harpy over _REAL_ **GOOD!** " She cackled maniacally.

* * *

 _Green Gators_

"It's gotta be meh!" Sugar declared.

"What makes you say that?" Sam asked, skeptical.

"B'cuz imma pageant girl! Ah was _born_ fer this kinda stuff! Fancy walkin', bein' cute, pretendin' ta be nice when yer actually not – I can be the princess just fine!"

"And I say you _aren't_ , on account of your feet being too small for them," Sanders remarked dryly, slipping her team's fern green moccasins off her feet, fixing her white kneesocks. "Scarlett, MacArthur and I have tried them and none of us fit them perfectly. These slippers are for someone with large feet, both in width and in length. So we're reasonably certain Eva's going to be our princess."

"Huh, I can see her being some sort of warrior princess," Sam said. "Kinda fitting."

"Fittin's what _ah_ gotta do! Not that good-fer-nuthin' trap!" Sugar snapped, snatching the moccasins and putting them on. As predicted, though, Sugar was too small for them, and when something picked her up, the shoes slipped right off her light gray socks.

Eva leered at Sugar from behind. "I am _not_ a transwoman. I'm tough because I was born into a military family and learned to be tough from my dad. The one trans friend that I have, Jessica, is one of the nicest people I know. And if I catch you mistreating her..." Eva finished her sentence with a low, guttural growl that sent shivers up Sugar's spine. "I won't be so nice as to let you live unharmed." She dropped the Pageant Prat on her butt, kicked off her suspiciously-New Balance-looking indigo sneakers, and put the moccasins on to discover that they fit like gloves.

"Warrior princess she is," Sam decided.

* * *

 _Cyan Sharks_

"Okay, there are only two girls on our team so this should be easy, right?" Zoey asked her teammates.

"I dunno, girl," Leshawna tsked. "Chris said that the shoes gotta fit us _'xactly_. And we're only half a size apart. If the shoes're too big, that'll be kinda hard to figure out since they won't _feel_ wrong."

"Then we do a walking test!" Harold jumped in. "Whichever of you wears the smaller shoe size tries them on and walks! If they don't feel like they're gonna make you trip, then they're the right ones! If not, they're the other girl's!"

"I'm a seven-and-a-half and Leshawna's an eight, so I guess I'll go first," Zoey decided. She removed her boots, put the moccasins on, then took a few tentative steps. "Yeah, they're too big for me."

Leshawna smirked. "Alright! 'Bought time princesses got some color up in here."

* * *

 _Blue Beetles_

"It's not gonna be me, but who _will_ it be?" Shawn asked.

"Dunno, mate. Doubt it'll be me, I don't even _need_ to put them on to know they're too small," Jasmine remarked.

Sky grimaced. "I hope we don't need to _actually_ get barefoot to try them on."

"I think it's a bit too cold for that," Sammy remarked, finding that her team's Prussian blue moccasins were too big for her. "What brings that up? Amy, we're the same size, you don't need to try them yourself."

"Says _you_!" Amy retorted as she did just that.

"Well, Dakota told me that Dawn discovered some...kind of disturbing fanart of us," Sky said, clearly uncomfortable. "There's this one guy, well, transgirl actually but he hasn't transitioned yet, and apparently he...wants me to be his wife. He's got a major foot fetish and his stuff is..." She shuddered. "I'm never gonna meet him in life! I mean, seriously! We're not even of the same _hyperverse_ for Pete's sake!" She groaned. "And his writing is _awful_ , the grammar sucks and we all get reduced to really basic personality traits. And he's not the only one doing this, either; there's an entire _community_ of them!"

"Eesh, _that's_ creepy," Jo winced.

"I don't have anything against the foot fetish, but I _do_ have something against being used for things I don't consent to. I have a _boyfriend!_ Sort of, but still!" Sky sighed. "Jo, have you tried the shoes yet?"

"Yeah, too small for me." Sky sighed and grabbed the shoes, only to find that they were too large for her.

"Well, looks like I'm the princess," Jen said.

"Figures," Jo snarked.

"Hey, better you than me," Sky shrugged. "And you're the type to wear an impractical dress anyway."

* * *

 _Purple Pigs_

"I would _not_ make a good princess," Bridgette sighed after discovering that she was the one who fit the dark purple moccasins. "I can't dance, my singing voice isn't that good..."

"You have a way with animals, you're super nice, and you like, know all the complicated politics stuff," Geoff replied, putting his arm on his girlfriend's shoulder. "That's enough qualification for royalty for me!"

"No one cares what _you_ think, man," Duncan grumbled.

* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.**

"Duncan is like, SO not a team player. Like, even with his alliance to Alejandro, he's still lookin' out for himself like, more than anybody else." Geoff grimaced at the camera. "If we lose today, I am SO voting him out."  


* * *

"Everyone all princessed up?" Chris asked once they were done. "Good! Everyone _ig_ noble, get into your costumes and we'll start the challenges!"

"Wait, _we've_ gotta dress up too?!" Amy exclaimed. "When were you gonna tell us that?!"

"Two hours ago, which I _did_ do, _Amy_!" Chris turned to the camera. "So what's next? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back! Wanna see what I had the interns dress our lucky chumps as?" Chris snickered to the audience.

"Why, just... _why_ are you like this?" Emma growled. Those Red Robins not named Ella were now wearing fake bird wings over their sleeves and yellow party hats strapped over their noses.

"Living in your dad's shadow kinda does that to a guy. Anywho! I've turned the non-royalty into cryptids based on their team mascot. The Red Robins are now the Holly Berry Harpies!

"The Orange Ocelots are now the Nectarine Nekomimis!" Pan to the non-royal Orange Ocelots, now with cat ear headbands and fake cat tails tied to their waists.

"The Yellow Yaks are now the Marigold Minotaurs!" Those YY not named Heather were wearing fake bull horns and tails. In the case of the female team members, pink rubber gloves were scotch-taped to their navels to serve as "udders".

"The Green Gators are now the Dogwood Dragonfolk!" The remaining Green Gators were wearing fake _Triceratops_ brow horns, fake wings over their shoulders, and fake iguana tails tied to their waists.

"The Cyan Sharks are now the Middle Blue Mermaids!" Zoey and Harold were now wearing floor-length skirts with scale-covered dolphin's tails on the front.

"The Blue Beetles are now the Han Blue Haimushi! For those of you wondering, haimushi are a type of Japanese yokai that resembles a cross between a maggot and a moth. They parasitize the lungs and feed on rice. If they leave their host for too long, they'll spontaneously explode and their host will die. Couldn't find a decent beetle monster so I had to make do with a moth monster." The remainder of the Blue Beetles were wearing tripointed paper crowns and fake moth wings.

"And last of all, the Purple Pigs are now the Orchid Orcs!" The other six PP were wearing fake pig ears, tails, and snouts.

"We look _ridiculous_ ," Josee grumbled.

"That goes without saying," Noah remarked.

"Princesses, please step forth! That's Ella, Crimson, Heather, Eva, Leshawna, Jen, and Bridgette!" The seven girls did as they were told. "Chef, do the honors!"

Chef, now wearing an ugly green hat and a Groucho Marx disguise, handed each of the princesses a plastic tiara, color-coded for their team. After they had all put them on, he pulled out a wooden spoon from a holster on his belt and waved it at them. "Bippity boppity blah blah blah, I doth decree you to be the fairest women in the land. Except for you, Heather." Heather seethed. "Now come with me to yer towers."

"Which are?" Jen asked.

"Designated spots in the topmost bleachers in the Drama Gym. Marked with cardboard boxes, can't miss 'em."

After Chef led the princesses away, Chris turned to the others. "Once Chef gets back we're going to the ball pit for part one. The rules are simple: one team at a time must cross the bridge. You will be blindfolded and will NOT be allowed to take them off. Or your costumes, for that matter, felt I had to make that clear."

"No, no, you really didn't, we figured that was a given," Topher remarked.

"The team that gets the most people on the other side of the bridge wins an advantage. That advantage? A bigger sword! Once everyone's crossed, one male member of your team, who I will choose once I see how many of you have made it, will bravely fight our dragon to rescue the princess! Everyone else will have to scour the island for a Gilded Chris award marked with a purple base. The team that gets their princess AND the trophy wins the game, even if they get their princess out _last_!"

* * *

 **Red Robins/Holly Berry Harpies: Owen, Noah, Cody, _Ella_ , Emma, Sierra, and Topher.**

 **Orange Ocelots/Nectarine Nekomimis: Justin, Sadie, Brick, Ennui, and _Crimson_.**

 **Yellow Yaks/Marigold Minotaurs: _Heather_ , Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Miles, and Laurie.**

 **Green Gators/Dogwood Dragonfolk: _Eva_ , DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.**

 **Cyan Sharks/Middle Blue Mermaids: Zoey, _Leshawna_ , and Harold.**

 **Blue Beetles/Han Blue Haimushi: Shawn, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine, Sky, and _Jen_.**

 **Purple Pigs/Orchid Orcs: Geoff, _Bridgette_ , Duncan, Tyler, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee.**

* * *

 _Holly Berry Harpies, Ball Pit  
_

Owen gulped. "I don't like this." He let out a small fart of worry.

"Me either, chubby buddy," Noah agreed, making a face at the narrow bridge over the plastic balls. "But if we go slowly and in sync, then we'll be less likely to fall off the sides."

"Good idea!" Sierra exclaimed. Phil tied their blindfolds on and they set off, one at a time, counting ten seconds between members before venturing onto the bridge. Chef was back, holding his arms up to knock them off the bridge and into the ball pit below. But Owen simply bowled him over and trotted off, the rest of his team stepping on the old man as they passed.

"The Holly Berry Harpies didn't lose a single chump!" Chris announced. "But since they're NOT the biggest team they might not win the advantage!"

"So I take it we're _not_ doing percentages?" Emma asked, removing her bandanna.

"Nope!"

"Ow..." Chef groaned. Owen went back to the bridge and helped him up. "Thanks."

* * *

 **Confessional – Topher.**

"Owen is like a glacier. Big, hard to move, and chock-full of toxic greenhouse gases."

* * *

 _Begin montage._

The Nectarine Nekomimis were much less fortunate than their redder predecessors. Only Ennui was able to get across, and Chris tsked disappointedly at Justin, Brick, and Sadie.

Chef was easily able to knock Miles, Laurie, Devin, and Carrie off the bridge. Alejandro did an acrobatic handstand and flipped over the cook. He, Taylor, and Lindsay were the only ones able to make it.

Sam and MacArthur, due to their heavyset builds, had a very hard time maneuvering around Chef, so they were quickly knocked off. Sugar thought she would fare better due to being shorter than them, but she didn't. DJ, Sanders, and Scarlett were more successful, though.

Harold and Zoey's lithe builds and Mad Skillz allowed them to simply slip between Chef's arms and chest no problem.

Amy and Sammy both made it to the other side, and Amy was reluctant to admit working together with her sister would be a good thing. Jasmine was easy for Chef to knock over; after all, she was 6'5". Years of zombie training allowed Shawn to easily dodge Chef while blindfolded, and Sky's gymnastic training allowed her to do the same. Jo was not as fortunate.

Last of all, the Orchid Orcs had a pretty good go. Geoff, Jacques, and Josee made it across, and Tyler and Beardo just barely made it too. Duncan was last, but few noticed that while Chef was busy trying to nab the Human Soundboard, Duncan briefly lifted the corner of his blindfold so his left eye could see exactly where he was supposed to go.

 _End montage._

* * *

"Everyone who fell off the bridge will not be able to help their teammates search!" Chris announced. "Holly Berry Harpies and Orchid Orcs, you've both got six people who stayed on terra firma! I predicted we might have a tie, so I will be gracious and let you BOTH get the advantage!" Chris handed a wooden sword two feet long to Duncan and, after throwing out a two-inch one meant for Cody, handed the Slick Geek an equally-sized block of wood.

"For SHAME, Nectarine Nekomimis! You didn't get ANYONE but your designated prince over the bridge!" Chris exclaimed as he handed Ennui the disadvantage sword, which was six inches long. "Since normally you wouldn't be allowed to search for the Purple Chris, Phil, as an ex-Ocelot, will be doing it for you!"

"But...don't the interns know where the stuff is?" Justin asked.

"Not me, since Billy was the one hiding them," Phil explained.

"Oh, okay."

"Alejandro, DJ, Harold, and Shawn, you are our other princes, so you will get the medium swords!" He handed each of them a wooden sword a foot long. "Everyone who fell off, go back to your cabins and do homework or whatever. Everyone who DIDN'T fall, start your search!"

* * *

 _Drama Gym_

"So what's our dragon gonna be?" DJ asked. The seven princes were in the middle of the Drama Gym, their respective princesses hanging out in the bleachers. "Hope it's not my team's mascot."

"Of course it isn't, DJ!" Chris admonished. "Alligators don't like the cold! Punch would be useless out here."

"DJ has a point, though," Alejandro remarked. "What are we fighting against? A robot? An intern in a monster suit? Izzy?"

"None of the above!" A crate with airholes was brought into the room by Joseph and Miranda, who quickly fled the scene. "Remember when I said 'dragon'? What I _really_ meant to say was 'Jersey devil'." Chris opened the crate using his remote, and a white goat walked out. Only the goat had a long, scaly dark yellow tail and massive black bat wings. "A long time ago, someone thought using goats would be a good idea to get rid of the radioactive plants growing on the island, like the lustblossoms. But the goats instead mutated after ingesting said plants, and _this_ kind of mutation was the most successful. They hatch from eggs like a dragon, they fly like a dragon, and they breathe _fire_ like a dragon. All we need to do is..."

And here Chris pulled out a branch and used it to smack the goat on the butt. "Provoke it!" Chris ran out of the gym and slammed the doors behind him, which locked shut. The seven boys gulped as the goat, assuming that the boys were its attacker's minions, bleated at them menacingly, cherry red flames licking the corners of its mouth.

* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.**

"Oh my gosh! Animal cruelty is a new _low_ for Chris!" Bridgette exclaimed.

"Not really. If you count people as animals, then this is _really_ old news," Eva commented from outside the confessional.

* * *

 _Dogwood Dragonfolk_

"Man, it is _cold_ out today," Sam remarked as his team trudged through the snow. Every now and then Scarlett would stop them to use a scanner on a clump of snow, hoping to find a statue buried underneath it.

"I hear you," Sanders agreed. "Say, Sam, is the E-Scope/Geek Alliance deal still on?"

"Of course! Why do you ask?"

"Because if we lose, we _are_ going to vote for Sugar, right?"

"Who else?" Sam remarked dryly, watching Sugar rant about how much she hated Ella until MacArthur finally screamed at her to shut up.

"Speaking of else," Zoey said as she joined the DD. "May I go with you?"

"Sure! We're all in this together," Sanders said. "What's up?"

"First, I was thinking of joining the Misfits, because I'm kinda one myself."

"Wow, that's great! We'd be happy to have you on board, Zoey."

"Second, I'm kinda suspicious about the Orcs. The Harpies I can understand why and how they all got across, but the Orcs? Seems a bit _too_ perfect, if you ask me."

Sanders thought for a moment. "Y'know what? You're right. Maybe someone _should_ investigate it."

In the background, Dakota saw this exchange, and frowned.

* * *

 _Five minutes later_

"Dakota, kid, I _assure_ you, no one cheated," Chris said, obviously lying. "Now do me a favor and round up Billy Gruff, Duncan got Bridgette out of the gym."

"Why me?" Dakota groaned.

"Because I haven't made you suffer enough!" Chris replied cheerfully.

* * *

 **Confessional – Dakota.**

"As soon as this show is over, I am _so_ gonna have Dad sue him."

* * *

 **Confessional – Blake Milton.**

"Of course, I was planning to anyway," Dakota's father, a thin black-eyed blonde man, dressed in a dark brown suit and a silver necktie with thin diagonal black and white stripes, remarked dryly.  


* * *

Dakota entered the Drama Gym. The goat was pacing back and forth, clearly agitated, while the princes were hiding at the top of the bleachers with their princesses. All but the Dogwood Dragonfolk, that is.

"Hey..." DJ said, timidly approaching the goat. "It's okay, we're not gonna hurt you...we're as scared of you are you are of us." The goat noticed him and visibly relaxed. "There we go...can you go back in your crate so we can win?" The goat nodded and did as he was told.

"Wow, thanks," Dakota said. " _That_ saves me a lot of trouble."

"Much obliged, D," Eva replied. "C'mon Deej, let's go. Hope Scarlett found the Purple Chris." They left first. Outside, they found Bridgette and Duncan arguing.

"Bridgette, come ON! We gotta go!" Duncan snapped, having hefted the blonde over his shoulders, struggling to carry her because Bridgette was heavier than Courtney.

"I can walk on my OWN, thank you very much!" Bridgette retorted.

* * *

Dakota followed them out, pushing the goat's cart. Once at the pen, she decided to look at one of the camera feeds from the ballpit. She rewound the footage until she reached the Orcs' crossing, and clearly saw Duncan moving his blindfold.

* * *

"All right!" Chris exclaimed as Jacques and Josee proudly held the Purple Chris over their heads. "They got out second BUT they got the Purple Chris! Therefore, they win!" The other teams groaned. "Nectarine Nekomimis, since you had the least people looking out for you, you lose!"

"Not so fast, Chris!" Dakota interjected. "It's the Orcs who have to vote someone out!"

"What? Why?" Tyler asked. "We won, didn't we?"

"Yeah, because Duncan _cheated!_ "

"Duncan, is this true?" Bridgette asked.

"No...?" Duncan asked. "Besides, where's your proof?"

"Yeah, you're just an intern!" Chris agreed.

"Yeah, but she's very smart, and what would she have to gain from lying?" Sam asked. "Dakota, do you _have_ proof?"

"Indeed I do!" Dakota replied, pulling a camera from her coat pocket and showing the footage she'd transferred to it to everyone.

Chris saw it and sighed. "Alright! The Orchid Orcs have been disqualified for cheating! Dogwood Dragonfolk, since you rescued Eva second, you get the win by default!"

"Booyah!" MacArthur exclaimed. "A win by someone else's stupid! The best kind of win," she added to the camera.

"Meet me at the campfire at eight, Orchid Orcs, it's time to get punished!"

* * *

"Sam?" Dakota asked that night at dinner.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For...sticking up for me all those times."

"Hey, it's the least I can do to repay you," Sam shrugged. "If it weren't for you guys, Chris wouldn't have anybody holding him back. I mean, _someone_ had to keep him from doing his more dangerous challenges."

"True," Dakota admitted. "He actually _did_ want to use real mines in the bike race, after all."

* * *

 **Confessional – Josee.**

"At this point I do not _care_ that the world knows we cheat," Josee growled as she wrote BRIDGETTE on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.**

"See? Told ya so." Geoff wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Tyler.**

"Finally!" He wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Bridgette.  
**

"Gwen's right. Duncan would do _anything_ for fame. So I think it's best we deny him that chance." She wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Three of seven marshmallows were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because it's a royal pain. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Geoff, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee." The four of them got their marshmallows.

Next, Chris pointed to the lone blue marshmallow on the plate. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Tyler, this is yours." Tyler got his marshmallow.

"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. We don't have any green ones today." Two marshmallows were left on the plate. "Orange means you've fouled up, and red means you struck out. Duncan. Bridgette."

Bridgette glared at Duncan.

"Duncan, you've done a lot of shady things. Bridgette, a lot of shady people want you not there to cast the light on them. With twice as many votes as the other...

...

...

...

...

"Duncan is not staying here this time. Dude, you're out of time, you've been eliminated."

* * *

"Alejandro, please give us Duncan's immunity idol," Phil said after the elimination.

Alejandro looked at him. "Was he?"

"He was." Alejandro grimaced and handed him the idol.

* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.  
**

"My alliance is down to me and Devin." He suddenly cackled ominously. "Of course, I have Jacques and Josee, so what use is the island's first alliance going to be when Season Three comes?"  


* * *

"Not much!" Chris agreed. "Forty-one down. Forty-three remain. Who'll be king of the world and who'll be king of the mud? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

The goat reappeared and set Chris' pants on fire.

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Geoff** ** ** **– Duncan******

 **Bridgette – Duncan  
**

 ** **Duncan – Tyler  
****

 ** ** **Tyler – Duncan  
******

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Beardo – Duncan  
**************

 ** ** **Jacques – Bridgette  
******

 ** **Josee – Bridgette****

 **Results: 4-2-1 Duncan-Bridgette-Tyler  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B (ii), Mike (q), Duncan****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)  
**

 ** **Future eliminations immunized against: Harold (2)****

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

Chef was cleaning the Purple Chris, but accidentally rubbed the purple paint off it. "Darn."


	53. 2-21: Total Drama The Musical

**With this chapter, THD crosses the 300,000 word mark and turns two years old! Thank you for sticking with this so far, it means a lot to me! With that said, it's review time!  
**

 **Gucci Mane LaFlare: I personally find Duncan highly overrated. He did NOT need to be in World Tour and certainly not in All Stars.**

 **Joel Connell: Thanks! Alejandro's idea of damage control will form a major arc of Season Three. Since the roster is MUCH bigger here than in canon, Chris had more pressure to be fair and disqualify the Orchid Orcs, especially because some of the teens (and the audience by extension) are catching on to his true plan.**

 **TOTALDRAMAFANBOY: With fewer contestants to divert the spotlight, Leshawna will be getting an expanded role in Season Three!**

 **Important s: Thanks! The corruption that got Blaineley her job means she can do whatever she wants because if her higher-ups get her in trouble, it would prompt an investigation into _their_ shenanigans. Not all candies are labeled, especially the ones that come in bulk bags. Duncan is not the reason Mal was created because Duncan went to juvie after Mike was released, but he heard the stories about him, so he knew a little about Mal's history before the personality returned in THD. Vito meant that it was people who _act_ like Duncan who were responsible for Mal's creation, not Duncan himself.  
**

 **Guestspirit: Amy's kind of stupid that way.**

 **Great Idea Alert: It's their mother's surname. Blaineley kept her maiden name because she thought her full name had a better ring to it with it rather than with Chris'. Australia will probably show up in Season Four in Southern Hemisphere Fall, because right now it's Southern Hemisphere Summer and therefore much too hot. Regarding the idols...you'll see very soon!**

 **AN: Tube-o-vision is the TD-verse version of YouTube.**

* * *

 _Thursday, January 11, 2018_

"Last time on Total Drama – here came the pride! [Owen's burrito contest] And there it went! You _just_ missed it. For those of you who didn't get to see last episode, here's the rundown so you don't have to wait for someone to pirate it onto Tube-o-vision where its draconian policies just take it back off. First, we used fashion to locate our princesses! [Zoey getting hit in the face with her team's moccasins] Next, after playing a little game of Trenderella [Sky complaining], we had our contestants try to rescue their princesses from a troll [Chef knocking Sam and MacArthur off the bridge] and a dragon! [The angry goat] Duncan cheated his team into getting an advantage for the second half of the game [Duncan lifting his blindfold] and [Chris sounded very disappointed at this] Dakota caught him [Dakota's investigation], leading to one of our most popular and most controversial contestants being eliminated. [Duncan's elimination]"

Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Forty-three contestants remain. Who'll last past the end of season two and who will be left eating everybody else's dust? Find out here on

"Total.

"Drama!"

* * *

 _Theme song_

 _*Instrumental*_

A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.

 _Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine_

 _You guys are on my mind_

The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.

 _You asked me what I wanted to be_

 _And now I think it's plain to see_

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.

 _I wanna be famous_

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".

 _*Instrumental*_

Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.

 _I want to live close to the sun_

 _Well, pack your bags cause I've already won._

Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.

 _Everything to prove nothing in my way_

 _I'll get there one day_

Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.

 _'Cuz I wanna be famous_

Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.

 _Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah_

Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.

 _I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous._

Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.

 _*Whistling*_

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.

* * *

"Welcome, everyone, to the final episode of Season Two!" Chris announced at the Dock of Shame. "That's right! When today is done, only half of our original 84 will remain on this island!"

"And yet Sugar is still with us," Scarlett glowered.

"You're jus' jelly that I'm so lucky," Sugar boasted.

"For today's challenge, you will be splitting into Teams Amazon, Me, and Victory once again. Your teams are going to race across the island looking for the items on the lists I will provide you with. Racing against you will be our interns, who will be our fourth team, Team Dirtbag."

"Seriously?" Billy muttered as the interns arrived, standing behind Chris.

"Your objective is to find all the items on your list and come back here. If the Dirtbags make it here before you do, then all of you will become a single megateam and vote one unlucky chump off the island. But if one of the _actual_ teams comes here, then we will vote like we normally do: whichever of the three comes last votes.

"But there's a catch."

"Of course there is," Cody noted.

"See this chime?" Chris asked, pulling out a windchime. He whacked it with a mallet. "When you hear this sound, you guys have to sing! That's right, this is a musical episode!"

Everyone groaned.

* * *

 **Confessional – DJ.**

"I can't sing! Not in front of millions of people!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sierra.**

"This is actually a pretty questionable choice. Chris is really obsessed with ratings, and well...musicals suck. _Hard_."  


* * *

"Each item will have four stickers underneath it, one sticker for each team. Team Amazon's are pink, Team CIRRRRH's are blue, Team Victory's are orange, and Team Dirtbag's are black. When you find your item, you will remove the sticker from the item and place it on your list in the corresponding box." He produced a sample list that had a 2cm-by-2cm square next to each item's name. "There are ten items to be found in total. The team who shows up first with all ten of their stickers wins the challenge automatically! Anyone who hides their competitors' stickers will automatically have their team disqualified. Sound clear?"

"Yes, Chris, we don't want a repeat of Duncan," Noah groaned. "Are we gonna start the challenge already, or what?"

"Knowing Chris, it's probably 'or what'," Jen replied, earning some laughs.

" _Ha_ ," Chris said humorlessly. "We WILL start the challenge... _now!_ " He pulled out his airhorn and blew it, and the kids began rushing off. About half a minute in, he pulled out a mallet and slammed it into the chimes. "Team Amazon, this song is yours!"

* * *

 **Team Amazon: Cody, Heather, Sierra, Jasmine, Eva, Emma, Zoey, Sanders, MacArthur, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Ella, Sky, Sugar, and Carrie.**

 **Team CIRRRRH: Tyler, Owen, Alejandro, Noah, Topher, Jen, Crimson, Ennui, Justin, Jo, Beardo, Devin, and Brick.  
**

 **Team Victory: Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Bridgette, Lindsay, Sammy, Amy, Scarlett, Geoff, Shawn, Taylor, Jacques, Josee, and Sam.**

 **Team Dirtbag: Dakota, Phil, Billy, Joseph, Carly, Miranda, Sylvester, Simon, and Dudley.**

* * *

 _Team Amazon_

"Cody, Ella, you have more musical experience than us, _you_ should do it," Laurie said.

"But won't we get disqualified if we don't _all_ sing?" her girlfriend asked, concerned.

"Chris never said we couldn't _all_ sing, just that our team _had_ to."

"She's right," Sierra agreed.

"Well, better get to singing!" Cody and Ella alternated lyrics, he going first. As they sang, the items on the list materialized around them.

 _A broken Gilded Chris award, a yellow rubber ball._

 _A half-full fifty milliliter bottle of isopropanol._

 _The skull of a piranha, shed snakeskin, a silver star.  
_

 _A piston that's so powerful it could crimp a metal bar._

 _Leftovers from a bicycle, a frozen hot tub spout._

 _And a plastic pair of human lungs is used to round it out._

 _So where do we find them?_

 _Is there anyone who'd know?_

Zoey interjected.

 _Come on gang, we're gonna lose if we don't get up and go!_

So they did, dancing their way across the island. As they passed, the audience got to take in the natural wonder of winter on Wawanakwa.

 _Ella: An adventure awaits us, you will see!_

 _Carrie: Can we take a break? I have to pee._

The song continued as they waited outside the confessional outhouse.

 _Cody: Will we find what we're looking for?_

 _Emma: Or is Chris gonna show us the door?_

 _Sadie: I hope that we'll be the day's victors,_

 _Heather: Which_ you _losers will not ensure._

 _Sierra: A new chapter of our lifetime's lore._

 _Miles: Something something...number four?_

Suddenly, Carrie exited the bathroom, excited. "Guys! I found our first item!" Inside the outhouse was the bottle of rubbing alcohol. At this point, the background music abruptly ended; the song was over.

"...how did I not even notice that was in there?" Sierra asked.

"It's a pretty small thing, and it blends in with the background," Sanders shrugged. "Most of us would've missed it."

"Not really," Heather remarked. "Since when has Chris given us the liberty of even _soap_ in that stupid thing?"

"That time when Lindsay got sick and we had to be careful not to get sick ourselves," Emma reminded her.

"Speaking of which, what's Lindsay up to?" Ella asked.

"Who cares?" Sugar growled. "She's just competish'in."

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"I found the fish head!" Lindsay announced, nervously poking at the skull of the piranha that Fang ate a long time ago. She'd found it in the mess hall.

"That's great!" Bridgette said, taking a sticker off the sheet and placing it onto the team's list. "We found that, the box of bicycle parts, AND the snakeskin! We're doing pretty good, guys."

"Not good enough!" Amy snapped. "Three out of ten is a failing grade! We've gotta move it, and move it _fast_!"

"Geeze, girl, calm yourself down!" Leshawna griped. "So does anybody have an idea where an item might be that's close to here? I don't wanna waste time walkin' to the other side of the island and back."

"Hm..." Sammy thought. "I think there might be a storage shed somewhere around here. The piston might be in there. Or it might not be, because Chris could trick us by putting an item where it _shouldn't_ be. I say we check out all the areas around here first before leaving."

Leshawna nodded. "So that's the bathrooms, laundry, and homework place. Got it."

"Whoa, hold up! Why are you listening to her?" Amy asked.

"Because she made a reasonable assumption as to where our next finds might be, _gosh_!" Harold replied, annoyed.

"Amy, do _you_ have a better idea?" Sammy asked. Suddenly, the chime rang.

"I do!" Amy smirked evilly. "Because now I can tell you about how much _better_ my life would be if I were an only child." She began to sing. As she did, the world began to shift into her fantasies.

 _I'd be rockin' with the starlets,_

 _Swingin' like a harlot,_

 _And I'd redecorate our bedroom in a minute!_

Amy turned into an infant being held up by Chris as Blaineley presented the $5 million prize money, before returning to normal.

 _"Amy!" they would scream, 'cuz_ I _would be the Drama queen!_

 _I would love this world without you in it._

 _If I didn't have you!_

"If you didn't have me?" Sammy asked after appearing inside a lava lamp, which Amy quickly tossed over her shoulder.

 _If I didn't have you!_

"Oh, how about if I didn't have you, huh?" Sammy asked, appearing from a pot of Chef's cooking. Amy shoved her back in, but got dragged in with her onto a stage. Both sang now, both trying to block the other from the spotlight:

 _Oh, what I could be if there were only me,_

 _Oh, what I'd do if I didn't have you!_

"Stop bickering and get your acts together!" Bridgette complained.

"Act? Did someone say act? **I** can act!" Now it was Sammy's turn to sing, the world shifting to _her_ fantasies this time:

 _If my existence alone was true,_

 _My artistic career would bloom._

 _I'd be the star of Pahkitew_

 _And you'd be the twin the world never knew!_

 _If I didn't have you!_

"You wish you were that lucky!" Amy said sarcastically.

 _If I didn't have you!_

"Oh, _that's_ right! You'd be _dead_!" After the former said this, Amy and Sammy looked at the camera awkwardly before resuming their fight, first shapeshifting respectively into a dark red _Spinosaurus_ with a pink sail and a dark red _Tyrannosaurus_ with blonde feathers and cerulean markings, then into a short noirette queen and a green-skinned ogress, then again into a Scylla-like monster with bright red octopus arms for legs and a blonde mermaid with a red tail, and finally into British attire, Amy as Moriarty and Sammy as Sherlock, a bewildered Jasmine as Watson in the background, before returning to normal.

 _Oh, what I could be if there was only me,_

 _Oh, what I'd do if I didn't have you!_

 _Oh, what I'd do If I didn't have you!_

"Trapped! Oh! Trapped!" DJ gulped, trying to cower away from the conflict.

"I've been stuck with you for seventeen years!" Amy growled at her sister.

"Oh dear, it's learned to count." Sammy groaned.

"If you had gotten me a good lawyer, I would've split thirteen years ago!" She grabbed Emma when she said "good lawyer"; Emma was very confused. ("How did I...get here?")

"Now listen here pal, i didn't come here to be insulted!" Sammy snapped, grabbing her sister by the shirt, causing Amy to drop Emma. ("I'm just gonna...go now...")

"Oh? Well, where do you _usually_ go?" The music jolted to a stop, before quickly resuming, Sammy and Amy alternating lines as more of their fantasies played out.

 _I could go so very far._

 _I'd be the biggest superstar!_

 _You'd be nothing without me!_ _You'd be extinct, you'd_ _cease to be!_

 _I'm so tired of your nagging!_

 _And I'm so tired of your bragging!_

"Ha ha, without me you'd have no brain!" Amy boasted. Sammy responded while x-raying her sister's skull, which apparently had a "For Rent" sign inside of it instead of a brain.

 _With which to think!_

Next they sang at the same time. As they sang, they gradually noticed each other's presence and by the last line they were at each other's throats again.

 _I'd be rockin' with the starlets,_ _swingin' like a harlot,_ _(_ _ _If my existence alone was true,_ )_

 _And I'd redecorate our bedroom in a minute!_ _(_ _ _My artistic career would bloom._ )_

 _"Amy!" they would sing, cuz I would be the Drama queen; (_ _ _I'd be the star of Pahkitew_ )_

 _I would love this world without you in it! (_ _I would love this world without you in it!)_

The scene shifted to the womb, where a sperm cell fertilized an egg cell. The resulting zygote quickly split into two littler zygotes, one light pink and one cerulean, and then they began fighting, falling down the Fallopian tube as they did.

 _If I didn't have you!_

 _(If I didn't have you!)_

 _If I didn't have you!_

 _(If I didn't have you!)_

Owen, Tyler, and Harold suddenly appeared, high-kicking across the stage, tipping little top hats and small canes tucked under their armpits.

 _Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!_

"This way, let me lead!" Sammy, having morphed into a surprisingly large and blue-green-furred platypus, said while hefting her still-human sister, now in a white labcoat over a black t-shirt, army green pants, and black dress shoes, and her nose was a _lot_ longer than it was normally. They disappeared off the left side of the screen.

 _Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!_

They morphed again, and returned onscreen. Amy was now a BR Class 42 with a roof-mounted spiky claw, and Sammy was an LB&SCR E2, Amy carrying her sister over her cab with her claw. "No, _this_ way, twinkle toes!" Amy griped as she tried to move her sister, before both became human once more and slammed facefirst into the camera, singing as one.

 _Life could be so sweet if I didn't have to mind_ her _feet._

 _Oh, what I'd do if I didn't have you!_

"I got you, baby!" Cody said as Sammy, now a boxer, readied for her next fight against her sister.

 _Oh, what I'd do if I didn't have yooooou!_

Then they impersonated Elvis and finished the song.

 _WOAAAAAAAH, oh, if I didn't,_

 _Oh, if I didn't, have yoooou!_

"Thank you very much!"

"Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen and other nonbinary things!"

"Sammy's left the building."

"You've never sung before, have you?" Sammy popped her sister in the face and the song ended.

* * *

 **Confessional – Shrek.**

"What am I doin' in this fanfiction?" the ogre asked, scratching his head in confusion.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Ariel.**

"What the absolute _dinglehopper_ just happened?" the mermaid asked, equally bewildered.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Thomas and Diesel Ten.**

"Well, _that_ was an interesting cameo," Thomas pondered.  


"We never speak of this again," Diesel Ten grunted. "Got that?"

* * *

"Well, _that_ was certainly interesting!" Chris beamed. "What will our other songs be? Find out after these messages."

* * *

 _Do da do da doo. Commercial break!_

* * *

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "While you were away, Team Amazon found the piston, the snakeskin, the skull and the unused parts from the Perfect Peletons' ride! Team Chris is Super Hot has found the ball, the skull, the alcohol, and the plastic lungs. Team Victory hasn't found anything new yet. And lastly, the Dirtbags are in Dirt Last with only the tree topper! Let's check in with them, shall we?"

* * *

 _Dirtbags_

Phil sighed as they marked down the sticker for the tree topper, which was at the base of the Forked Maple. "I hate this show, you know that?"

"Of course we know that," Sylvester retorted. "We _all_ hate this show." Suddenly, the chime rang. "Phil, this one's on you, I can't sing."

"Alright." And here he began to sing, as his team ambled along in the snow:

 _Chris ain't nothing but a hound dog,_

 _Barking at what isn't there._

 _Chris ain't nothing but a hound dog,_

 _Barking at what isn't there._

 _He may look good on TV,_

 _But he won't get out of my hair._

Dudley joined in next as the Dirtbags made their way to the Drama Gym:

 _He tells you that he's high-class,_

 _But I can see through that._

 _Yeah, he tells you that he's high-class,_

 _But I can see through that._

 _And guys, I know,_

 _He ain't no real cool cat._

Dakota sang next as the team claimed their sticker for the yellow dodgeball:

 _Chris ain't nothing but a hound dog,_

 _Barking at what isn't there._

 _Chris ain't nothing but a hound dog,_

 _Barking at what isn't there._

 _He may look good on TV,_

 _But he won't get out of my hair. Oh!_

Joseph sang the next part as the team made their way out:

 _Aw, don't listen to that old hound dog,_

 _All he does is interfere._

 _He whines and barks and hollers_

 _Every morning of the year._

 _He won't make you feel good,_

 _He'll just mess around with you,_

 _Now wag your tail!_

Then the Dirtbags began dancing, Phil taking the lead. "Oh, get it now! Oh, get it now, get it, get it, get it! Oh, go, holler on guys!" Then they howled at the camera above them like wolves, before Carly resumed the song:

 _Chris makes me feel so blue,_

 _He makes me weep and moan._

 _Chris makes me feel so blue,_

 _He makes me weep and moan._

 _'Cause he's looking for an ego trip,  
_

 _And he won't leave well alone.  
_

Billy finished it up as they continued traveling:

 _Chris ain't nothing but a hound dog,_

 _Barking at what isn't there._

 _Chris ain't nothing but a hound dog,_

 _Barking at what isn't there._

 _He may look good on TV,_

 _But he won't get out of my hair._

"Hey, I found the bike parts!" Simon exclaimed.

"All right! Where were they?" Dudley asked.

"In the theater! Come on!" And off they went to get another sticker.

* * *

 **Confessional – Carly.**

"I gotta admit, Phil is _good_! Molly, you're a lucky girl."

* * *

 _Team Victory_

"Just our luck!" Harold griped. "We can't like, find _anything_ and we're _way_ behind!"

"Yeah, thanks a lot, Amy!" Jacques added, for once agreeing with him.

"What did _I_ do?" Amy asked, confused.

"Well, the other teams used their songs as a montage to speed up their progress. You and Sammy just kept us in more or less the same place," Sam explained.

"And while your sister's a little at fault for not trying to change that," Shawn added, " _you're_ the one who started it. Can you guys _please_ just make up already?"

"Ha!" Amy snorted, before stomping off, trying not to cry. "Like I would _ever_ call a truce with someone who did what _she_ did!" Team Victory looked at Sammy, perplexed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Sammy.**

"What _did_ I do to earn her wrath in the first place?" Sammy asked, before her eyes widened in horrible realization. "Oh...oh, _no_. She blames me for... _that_? No wonder she hates me..."  


* * *

 **Confessional – Leshawna.**

"It's obvious that Amy's got a lotta unresolved issues," Leshawna tsked. "Since we're prolly gonna lose, I think we should send her home already. Get her some help. Have Dawn talk some sense in'o her."  


* * *

 _Team CIRRRRH_

"Hey, Noah?" Owen asked as the team trudged onwards.

"Yeah?"

"Remember the train challenge? Chris said we'd get points. But...we didn't, did we?"

"Chris said the Electrics made a cool design, which is why they got in second place, so I guess they were sorta there but unspoken." Noah shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time Chris didn't tell us stuff."

"Speaking of stuff, I think the hot tub spout might be in the good cabin," Brick said. "It makes sense; where else would a part for a hot tub be?"

"Good thinking," Jo replied. "For once, you might be onto something."

Brick blushed. "R-really?" Suddenly, the chime rang.

"I _hate_ that thing," Jen grimaced.

"We've only had it for today," Devin pointed out.

"And we took what, twenty minutes to hate Chris?" Noah reminded him. "Come on, someone sing. Not _you_ , Al, someone else for a change." Alejandro growled at him, but was cut off by Brick pulling out an electric guitar and starting to play, catching everyone offguard. As he marched onwards, he sang:

 _Into the distance, a ribbon of black_.

 _Stretched to the point of no turning back._

The rest of his team shrugged and followed after him.

 _A flight of fancy on a windswept field,_

 _Standing alone, my senses reel._

 _A fatal attraction is holding me fast;_

 _How can I escape this irresistible grasp?_

 _Can't keep my eyes from the circling sky,_

 _Tongue-tied and twisted,_

 _Just an earth-bound Misfit, I._

The snow began to pick up, but Brick didn't care, and continued to sing as they passed the dark trees and hills of the island:

 _Ice is forming on the tips of my wings_

 _Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything._

 _No navigator to find my way home,_

 _Unladen, empty and turned to stone._

Brick turned to face the camera, an imposing glare on his face, an unfamiliar fire in his eyes:

 _A soul in tension that's learning to fly._

 _Condition grounded but determined to try._

 _Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies,_

 _Tongue-tied and twisted,_

 _Just an earth-bound Misfit, I._

He found the tallest of the hills behind Five-Larch Point and began to climb it, his team daring not to follow it now.

 _Above the planet on a wing without a care,  
_

 _My grubby soul, a vapor trail in the empty air._

 _Across the clouds, I see my shadow fly_

 _Out of the corner of my watering eye._

 _A dream unthreatened by the morning light_

 _Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night._

He stopped at the top, and sang to the void beneath him:

 _There's no sensation to compare with this_

 _Suspended animation, a state of bliss._

 _Can't keep my mind from the circling skies,_

 _Tongue-tied and twisted,_

 _Just an earth-bound Misfit, I._

He continued to play, dancing to the beat. The snow stopped falling as much, but the wind picked up, gently blowing the trees in rhythm with the music. Eventually, he finished, and climbed back down the hill.

"...what?" he asked his perplexed team.

"Well, we found the plastic lungs at the bottom of the hill," Tyler said finally.

"Dude, what the [h word]? When did you learn to play guitar?" Jo asked.

"I don't rightly know myself," Brick shrugged. "I haven't seen Trent in weeks, and Cody, Harold, and Justin are more keyboard types of people."

"He's right," Justin agreed.

"Maybe the music sort of...chose you?" Owen asked.

"Could be," Brick shrugged. "I mean, we exist in a complex organization of multiple realities and currently work for several anthropomorphic dinosaurs, so anything is possible in this section of the omniverse."

"Alright maggots, report to the dock to complete today's challenge!" Chef's voice boomed over the island's PA system. "One of our teams has found all ten items, so it's time to see who lost!"

"How many did _we_ get?" Jen asked. Tyler removed the list and fumbled it over to her. "Oh...eight out of ten. That's annoying."

"At least we are guaranteed second place," Alejandro replied. "Provided that we have not tied with another team or two of them tied at nine."

"Yeah, let's," Brick agreed.

* * *

 **Confessional – Brick and Justin.**

"I still have no clue how I was able to do that," Brick said, confused. "I don't even know who that was."  


"Pink Floyd," Justin replied. "Written in 1987 from a demo made in 1986."

"Oh! Cool! You must know a lot about music, huh?"

Justin laughed. "It comes with the territory, yes."

* * *

 **Confessional – Jo.**

"I don't believe it!" Jo exclaimed. "Brick did something _cool_!" She looked at the camera, distraught. "Have I been wrong about him all this time?!"  


* * *

 **Confessional – Alejandro.**

"I _still_ believe I should've sung our team's song," Alejandro grouched.

* * *

"Alright, I think it's time you've earned your answer key!" Chris exclaimed. "The Gilded Chris was in the theater. The ball was in the gym. The alcohol was in the confessional booth. The skull was in the mess hall. The snakeskin was in the boat shed. The star was in the VR building. The piston was in the Drama Mine. The bike parts were underneath the Forked Maple. The spout was in the good cabin. And the plastic lungs were at the bottom of Bluegrass Hill.

"Team Amazon has won today's challenge with all ten items!" The team cheered. "Team I Have Tons of Fans, you placed second with eight! Not bad. Team Dirtbags, you placed thirds against all odds with seven! Team Victory, you lost with only five items located!" Team Victory groaned, having lost once again. "Therefore, only one team will be voting tonight. And we all know who that team is. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Team Victory, it's time to get punished! And remember, you can't vote for Harold, he's immune!"

* * *

 **Confessional – Taylor.**

"Oh, right, can't vote Dweeby McDweebface off," Taylor grimaced. "Luckily, Mr. Wussy-Puss is available." She wrote DJ on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Shawn.**

"Since Amy was primarily responsible for our loss, I believe it would be best if she left." He wrote AMY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Sammy.**

"Sorry sis, but you know what they say. Blood of the covenant's thicker than water in the womb." She wrote AMY on a piece of paper.  


* * *

 **Confessional – Amy.  
**

"I AM NOT LETTING THAT FLOOZIE STICK AROUND!" a tearful Amy roared, hastily scribbling SAMEY before crossing it out and writing SAMMY instead.  


* * *

"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Closeup of five colored marshmallows. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because I scavenge for all lingering scraps of drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Harold, Leshawna, Bridgette, Scarlett, Geoff, Shawn, Taylor, Josee, and Sam." The nine teens got their marshmallows.

Next, Chris pointed to the three blue marshmallows on the plate. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Jacques, Samey, and DJ, these are yours."

"Would it _kill_ you to get my name right?" Sammy asked, cranky.

"No, but I like annoying you. It's fun!" Chris beamed. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Again, we don't have any green ones today. Sheesh, and I thought Rebecca Sugar hated the color green." Two marshmallows were left on the plate. "Orange means you've fouled up, and red means you struck out. Lindsay. Amy."

Lindsay waved timidly to Amy. "Just do it," Amy grumped.

"Lindsay, your biggest flaw is that you trust everyone too easily. Amy, you're the exact opposite. You don't trust _anybody_ except for yourself. Who's more at fault today?...

...

...

...

...

"Well, it looks like our first voting-related running gag ends! Amy, you are OUT with FOUR TIMES, that's EIGHT, votes _against you_ than Lindsay! See ya!" Amy growled to herself, got her marshmallow, and raced to get her things, trying not to cry.

* * *

 **Confessional – Geoff.  
**

"I kinda feel bad for her," Geoff mused.  


* * *

Amy sighed as she marched near the boat. "Hey, Amy?"

"What do you _want_?" Amy sneered at Emma, who approached her cautiously.

"I just wanted to let you know that, no matter how much your little sister annoys you...she still cares for you."

"And you know that _how_?"

"I have first-hand experience," Emma replied simply. She smiled at Amy. "Take care." And then she left.

Amy stood there, blank. "Uh...wha?"

* * *

"Wha indeed!" Chris quipped. "Will she go through character development? Or will she not? I'm rootin' for the latter! Forty-two down. Forty-two remain. At this point, half of our roster is no longer with us on the island. But is the half remaining any better at competing, or is their survival only because of sheer dumb luck?" He began ringing the chimes and singing along. _"Who'll be rockin' with the starlets and who'll end like Wilbur's Charlotte? Find out on_

 _"Total._

 _"Drama!1"_

"Okay, that's it, those things are annoying," Eva growled, pulling out a mallet.

"Don't do that! I paid good money to take them from your band class!" Chris protested.

"Then send them _back to school_ where they BELONG!"

* * *

 **Votes:**

 **Harold** ** ** **– Amy  
******

 **Leshawna – Amy  
**

 ** **DJ – Didn't vote  
****

 ** ** **Bridgette – Amy  
******

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **Lindsay – Amy  
**************

 **Sammy ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Amy****************************

 **Amy ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Sammy  
******************************************

 ** ** **Scarlett – Jacques  
******

 ** **Geoff – Amy****

 **Shawn ** ** **– Amy********

 **Taylor ** ** ** ** **– DJ************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Jacques – Lindsay****************

 **Josee ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Lindsay********************

 **Sam ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **– Amy************************

 **Results: 8-2-1-1-1 Amy-Lindsay-Harold-DJ-Jacques-Sammy  
**

 **Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie,** ** **Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B (ii), Mike (q), Duncan, Amy****

 **Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)  
**

 ** **Future eliminations immunized against: Harold (1)****

* * *

 **Bonus clip:**

"So how'd it go?" Noah asked his girlfriend the next morning as they were doing homework.

"The seed of doubt has been planted," Emma grinned. "Now we just have to see what they do this afternoon..." She paused. "Is 15's answer C?"

"Lemme see." Noah glanced at her math homework and said "No, it's D. Here's why..."


End file.
